Don't Even Bother

#32: Overthinking Everything — Why Your Brain Won’t Shut Up (And How to Deal)

• Katiuscia + Megan

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0:00 | 47:21

Why do we overthink everything — conversations, decisions, texts, moments from years ago?

Today, we unpack overthinking: where it comes from, why our brains won’t shut up, and how modern life keeps us stuck in mental spirals.

We talk anxiety, decision fatigue, people-pleasing, and the pressure to constantly self-analyze — from replaying conversations to second-guessing choices and lying awake at night with a racing mind.

No toxic positivity. No “just relax” advice. Just an honest, grounded conversation about learning when to trust yourself, quiet the noise, and stop overthinking without pretending you’re chill when you’re not.

If your brain loves a good spiral — you’re not alone.

00:00  Why We Overthink Everything
03:10  What Overthinking Actually Is
06:45  Anxiety, Control, and Mental Spirals
11:20  Overthinking Conversations and Texts
16:05  Decision Fatigue and Second-Guessing
21:10  People-Pleasing and Fear of Being Misread
26:00  Why Our Brains Won’t Shut Off at Night
31:15  Social Media and Constant Self-Analysis
36:40  How to Interrupt the Spiral
41:55  Trusting Yourself More
45:30  Final Thoughts: Quieting the Mental Noise

Click to Subscribe on YouTube, Follow on Instagram +  TikTok , email us at dontevenbotherpodcast@gmail.com, + share with your cool friends :) 

Don't even bother.

Katiuscia:

okay. So what's gonna be really fun is that you and I are both really massive overthinkers,

Megan:

we're very skilled over at thinking

Katiuscia:

at the art of over overly thinking. So I think we should talk about it. Okay.'cause I know we're not the only people. There is such a generalized high level of anxiety, I think, in the world.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Right now where I do think, and I forgot who told me this, that anxiety's being used almost, it's almost being used too much as an excuse as we'll. Put that in quotations as an excuse or as a reason for. Some things that people are experiencing. I'm not saying overthinking, I'm just saying as a generalized thing, saying, why can't you know my anxiety does this to me? Sometimes I think it's just being a little bit overused. It's

Megan:

being a hundred percent overused

Katiuscia:

and it's tending to take away the, just

Megan:

like gaslighting,

Katiuscia:

right?

Megan:

Being overused.

Katiuscia:

I don't, right. I don't wanna take out the importance of people suffering from anxiety and things like that because it is legit. But I would like to give you. I would like to share,

Megan:

I'm gonna overthink this mic stand right now.

Katiuscia:

Just let it and we'll let it go find. Find the way in your mind. Just like, let it go because it's, I'll just talk

Megan:

real loud.

Katiuscia:

Okay. I look at overthinking and I think it's. It's being stuck in a web of your own mind and your own thoughts.

Megan:

Yeah. I love that

Katiuscia:

because I mean, I don't

Megan:

love it, but I love the

Katiuscia:

analogy. But you love, I know. I was, thank you. I came up with, that one was really good. What I did find from the internet, the, the worldwide web, I was curious as to what personality is an overthinker. So people who are overthinkers tend to have high levels of anxiety, perfectionism, and underlying stress.

Megan:

I don't know that I'm a perfectionist.

Katiuscia:

I am definitely not.

Megan:

You're more of a perfectionist than I am

Katiuscia:

probably. But I am more of a perfectionist in the sense of it's not even perfectionism, it's accomplishment. So if I have a list, which, you know, I live and die by the list. I love my list. That is something that I need to get done. If I have a set of tasks for the day, it really gives me an, it causes me stress to not get it done and to have to rewrite it to the next day.

Megan:

Do you, um, if you do something that was on your list, but it was like a task that you checked off, do you add it to your list? Yes, I do. You can check it off?

Katiuscia:

Yes, I do. I do.

Megan:

I, I love a good list. Am I bound by that list? No, because I am just walking chaos. I think, and I, I mean, I'm gonna have a list, but

Katiuscia:

my list will get shifted a lot. But there is nothing that gives me more of a sense of accomplishment than crossing off 70% of a list and not having to add things to it. Because when I add things to it, it means that something didn't get accomplished and it has to go to the next day.

Megan:

Oh, okay.

Katiuscia:

So it's a running list, but there are certain things, if it's a. For example, email this person, this person, this person. I know I have to email those people 'cause they're in my email box, but so are 500 other emails. So if I don't specify who is of importance to email today, maybe I won't see it because I'm, same with the text messages. If I have 15 text messages at one time, my. The thing that I try to do as much as I can is not open a text message if I know I don't have the time to respond to it right now.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

And I'll leave it or I'll try to remarket as unread. Yeah. Because it's too, I do that a lot. It's too much at the moment, but I'll have on my list sometimes, like text this person, check in with this, whatever it is. But I do love accomplishing things on that list. They're not done always in a perfect manner. So like when I have a task at hand, that's why I say like, I'm not a perfectionist. I wouldn't think. Stress out about something. If I do a job well done, do I overanalyze it and say, but it could have been better. I don't, yeah, I

Megan:

don't either.

Katiuscia:

I have a, a former family member who would cook something and everyone would be like, this is amazing. No, I really should have done this. And we're like, Ugh.

Megan:

That's exhausting. It is

Katiuscia:

exhausting.

Megan:

I, the, my problem is, uh, I think they call it oppositional defiance disorder, which then my husband is like, there's a name for everything. It means that I thrive on a list and structure, but then even if I made that own list, my own brain goes into my own brain and goes, fuck, you don't tell me what to do.

Katiuscia:

I mean, that's very different. So, so then you'll appreciate some of the root causes of overthinking. You know me when I have to, and I, I'm not citing sources this time because it's just knowledge. It is a mix. These are just a few of 'em. Some root causes are a mix of psychological factors, past experiences, especially trauma.

Megan:

Yeah. Okay.

Katiuscia:

Which, yes. And situational stress. Sure. So those were three that I selected.'cause I was like, we late. Yeah. Like we can,

Megan:

yeah,

Katiuscia:

we can go with that. Um, some, okay. Wait. Some ways to manage, let's talk about ways to manage from a professional. And if I got any information, it was from all of the health sites. And then I also have my best friend who is,

Megan:

I'm sorry. I'm just a mess

Katiuscia:

right now. Megan's tired today.

Megan:

I'm not that tired. I just can't catch a good breath. So when that is the worst.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. When you can't catch a good breath. And then I overthink why I can't catch a good breath. Yeah. And then I think something to do with my heart. Do I need to make an appointment with a cardiologist? Do we need to add it to the list? Yeah. There's a,

Megan:

so if I yawn, I'm not tired and I'm not bored. I'm just,

Katiuscia:

it's a whole, it's just a, a downward spiral of this weird tornado. So some ways to manage stress that he shared with me that I thought were really cool, were recognition like.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

So it's kind of, you go through the steps of admitting right, or whatever. So recognition, and that's tied in with like self-reflection to shift your perspective on the matter, as in. I mean everything dependent on the certain situation, but put yourself in the shoes of someone else. The bystander looking in. Mm-hmm. Right.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

And try to refute any kind of counterpoint or just like argument that you could, that could be made hypothetically. Sure. And then the third was to temper the concept and attach something to help the transition in finding the solution. So be solutions oriented, be positive about it. Because I think the problem with overthinking is when we get stuck in our own mind, at least for me, it is very easy to just keep going down. Yeah. And then almost being consumed in a way by it. So it's,

Megan:

yeah,

Katiuscia:

it's a little challenging. I tend to try to find the positive. That's me.

Megan:

Oh, we've talked about that before. Me too.

Katiuscia:

We try.

Megan:

I'm a big silver lining person.

Katiuscia:

Yes. Even if it's like a very farfetched silver lining, it's still there. Oh yeah.

Megan:

It's

Katiuscia:

as J as it is,

Megan:

I have clung for dear life to some very tenuous silver linings. But whatever gets you through,

Katiuscia:

and I think a lot of people just go through this where they think of that one thing and just can't stop thinking about it. Now, I will tell you that there are some advantages to being an overthinker. That is exactly that, that you will analyze issues from multiple angles considering various outcomes and possibilities. Yeah, that's what we just said.

Megan:

If you can get past the like analysis paralysis, then hell yeah. Then you're unstoppable

Katiuscia:

because you've thought so many things through which actually means the good, bad, and the ugly. Yeah. You've calculated out risk. This is like risk assessment type situation. Yep. But. Also just, I think it helps me on preparing myself for maybe something I wasn't expecting.

Megan:

Oh, yeah.

Katiuscia:

So if it's like a bad thing.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

I just wanna prepare myself a little bit for it, and I wanna know that at least I've already thought through that this was a possibility. There are some things that happened to me in my life that never could I have even thought of or imagined.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

That then will set me on a Okay. But I have been very good in trying to implement. Let it go if it's not, you know, there's, there's the whole thing of, we talk about control a lot and I love being in control of certain aspects of my life that I can control, but I'm not in control. Big picture, I'm not in control'cause God is in control, but also on the medium or the median or average picture, I'm not in control of a lot of other stuff. I can control literally the actions I take.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

The words I take, what I put in my body. How I react, like how I let my emotions react to something, my emotions, and that's the only control that's there. So you kind of have to give that up in a way. But I think I used to see it as more of a negative thing that I was overthinking, and I've really tried to train myself not to spiral.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

And sometimes it's hard.

Megan:

It is hard. It's like a conscious effort. It's like a, you'll never, once you're an overthinker, you'll never not. Overthink it, but you can, you have to consciously work at it all the time to keep it healthy.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. I don't think it'll ever be that second nature thing. Yeah. Where it'll just, oh, I would've, I would've thought too much about that. I just think I don't like the spiral that it can potentially take me to. So with all of those advantages of, yeah, I can analyze everything from so many different angles and kind of think already, or not predict, but.

Megan:

Sometimes pattern recognition goes along with that.

Katiuscia:

So there's a lot of good that I see to it, but then there's also, okay, but if it takes this one, let's say it goes the bad route. What are the, what are the rabbit hole stems from the bad route? Because technically, I guess overthinking is just, you're putting yourself in the web, the rabbit hole of your own mind. Yeah. Because once you do start going down that you'll create shit that wasn't even supposed to be there.

Megan:

Oh yeah. The things, the scenarios, excuse

Katiuscia:

me.

Megan:

The scenarios I've created in my brain are movie worthy. Like that would never happen.

Katiuscia:

Do you know what? So I never do this. I don't know if you do it, but I know people who do, they'll be telling you how to have conversations with people. They know that you have to go meet with someone or have a conversation, and they'll basically talk out the whole conversation like, yeah, and then you go, and then he'll go, or she'll go and you go, and I'm like, wait, wait. I'm so sorry. I'm not in that conversation right now. I can't take a hypothetical script of how this and what to say, but some people really like that. They really get into it.

Megan:

The hard part of that for me is that if I've built up this script in my mind and you are not following that script, my brain will go haywire and now I am out of the conversation and I have no idea how to, especially if it's like a confrontational conversation. Because I definitely do that. If I have to have a potentially high stakes or tense conversation with somebody, if I'm reacting right in the moment, I mean I can, I can carry that. But if I know that I have to go to somebody and say, Hey, this was wrong, or whatever the conversation is, and I rehearsed it in my head.'cause that's, I will just do that by default setting. Then if that person is, or they'll throw a wrench in it and then all of a sudden I am on my heels, like, what? And now I have lost the entire thing. And so I have to really consciously try to not do that or what I will do, especially if it's somebody I know really well. I will play out a conversation. Okay, but what if they say this? Okay, now what if they say this and then what? And I have gone through 30 different of the same version of this conversation. That's not healthy. I will tell you right now, I am trying so hard 'cause that just sucks all of my energy. But there's a part of my little fight or flight brain that is like, no, you have to be prepared for every possible outcome.

Katiuscia:

Well, hold on.'cause I think that that's good. So I think that playing out the conversation in your own mind is good, but it would be like you telling one of your kids. This is how it's gonna go. You're gonna go like this, they're gonna go like this. You're gonna, you're dictating it out, scripting it out for them. I can't tell that to another person. Like I can't tell you about the conversation that you're gonna have, that you already have to play out in your head, because of course you go in knowing what you're gonna say. You know that there's gonna be one of, however, typically like three responses for you. 30. But I'm just saying there's always gonna be a. Yeah, agree. I see the picture, what you're, you're wild for even saying that you're crazy or three, the wild card. But then what if they had a terrible day? What if you just,

Megan:

what if they're constipated? I used to have a coworker who, anytime somebody was rude to us, she'd be like, and I'd be back, you know, in the break room like this motherfucker, and she'd be like, Megan, what if he's constipated today? What? And I was like, Colleen,

Katiuscia:

he's not a baby.

Megan:

I don't want to be. I just please be mean to me or with me for just a minute. Like, stop being so reasonable.

Katiuscia:

But hold on. What if he's constipated is such a, you think a baby, right? Oh, the baby's grumpy.'cause the baby has to burp. The baby's grumpy.'cause the baby this, whatever it may be. That was her

Megan:

go-to for

Katiuscia:

everything. That was the

Megan:

hysterical

Katiuscia:

you would, I would never think to put that on an adult.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Oh.

Megan:

Oh.

Katiuscia:

Hello? Uh, I will give you a fun fact. Okay. Okay. Fun facts are fun. Overthinkers tend to often be deeply loyal and committed and have attentiveness to the smallest details.

Megan:

That's because we have already played out every freaking scenario and we've decided to maintain that relationship.

Katiuscia:

We're rolling the dice on this one, and, uh, and sometimes that doesn't, you know, this is just human nature. Sometimes that doesn't always, uh, go, but. I like trying to pay attention to small details. My mom, sometimes when she's here, she'll get mad at me if she's talking to me and I'm on the computer doing something.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

And she'll be like, can you just focus and like, pay attention to me? And I'm, and I tell her, no, I, I know what you said. I can do two things at once, but some people just need that. And, and I, I get it. It's totally,

Megan:

I do that to my kids too.

Katiuscia:

It's a,

Megan:

would you turn around and look at my face,

Katiuscia:

please. Yeah, it's, and I, I can, I can repeat exactly what she said and I know how she meant it, and I know the whole thing. But I also think that there is a point of, we have just become so consumed in general with everything on that list or on our task list that needs to get done because we're just slaves to the man. Um, and that's not one man, that's the government man group. The man, the, the man.

Megan:

The

Katiuscia:

man there. That's it. Whoever it may be. Yeah. Or whatever group might be running it. So we're just, we've, you know, we've all been kind of trained and fixated in that. So I understand where. I need to just focus. That'll actually help me a lot to be able to just put it aside and do it. But then I think there's also, like, for me right now holding this, there's, okay, I did it, I'll put it down in a second, but I, uh, it's like a, not a comfort, but it's just that habit, that habit of, well, I always am doing something. So now it's become. If I don't do it, then it won't get done. And if it doesn't get done, then this and this, but I can also listen to you and I can do this. It's just a weird, this is a,

Megan:

yeah,

Katiuscia:

we're connected and, or, um, not obsessed, but we're just not used to not having devices. And I just miss the nineties. That's it. I think it all comes down to that. Like I just don't wanna have that to, you know, even, even just the internet, even just standard work, standard emails. Okay, now, oh, great. Now if I respond to this one though, I have to respond to all of them, and it just becomes that. It's a, it's like never ending. I think when you are an overthinker, when you go through this and just trying to, I guess this is just managing life in general.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

It's hard sometimes to just put it down and take a step back. Yeah.

Megan:

Well that's why like I have kind of built up the expectation at my actual job, not really my freelance job. I'm a lot more responsive in that because freelance depends on that. But in my actual office job. I don't reply to emails right away. Typically, I like to let 'em sit for about a day because a no part of my job is an emergency. That's right. And the amount of times I've told people that, like having come from emergency vet med, I, I know what an emergency is. No part of marketing is an emergency in my particular. It is just not. And so I don't owe anybody a 30 second response. Let me think on it for a day. Let me go. I will get back to you most of the time, but take a, take a breather. We all came from the 19 hundreds. There's very few people that I deal with in my job currently that are not,

Katiuscia:

are two thousands

Megan:

from the 19 hundreds. And so like, let's all take a step back. You can wait 24 hours. For me to respond to you and it'll be okay. The world will keep turning. It'll be okay.

Katiuscia:

I wish I had that in my job.

Megan:

Yeah, you, yeah. I

Katiuscia:

can

Megan:

see how you wouldn't,

Katiuscia:

you know, when I do have that, and I've, and I'm always very polite about it. If I have someone email me, like, past client, future client, whatever it is, if someone emails me and it's not pertinent to like, Hey, I saw this article and I thought you'd enjoy it.'cause that's happened to me. I've got one person that does that. And sometimes two days will go by and. It's just, it's not that I didn't find it important, it's that number one, oops, I opened it and I didn't have the time to actually read this. Are you respond

Megan:

in your head

Katiuscia:

beneficial email or I'll deal with it later. But you know, we've talked about how much we love the schedule send because I, when I figured that out, that was a game changer for me because a lot of these times when I'm finally having the time

Megan:

mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

It's midnight. Yeah. I'm not gonna go reply to someone at midnight, number one. Maybe they'll get it in the morning, but number two. I don't want people to see it at midnight and know that, oh, if I ever have a question Uhhuh, I can reach out at midnight and she'll respond.

Megan:

That's, yeah.

Katiuscia:

I'm trying to, and that was a, a more recent

Megan:

mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

Revelation to me in my own brain. Don't send it in the middle of the night. Even though maybe you have insomnia and can't sleep, even though they'll see it at 7:00 AM they're gonna see that timestamp.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

And they're gonna think, well, she'll just respond to me then.

Megan:

Yeah, I get a solid amount of work done between

four and 6:

00 AM and it's a rare person who gets a reply from me right back at that moment like you do because I know that, you know, we can text each other whenever.

Katiuscia:

Yeah.

Megan:

But, um. One of the only people, like right now I'm in the midst of building a new website and the gal that I'm working with is on the East coast, so I don't mind emailing her at six in the morning because fine, that's no big deal. But generally speaking, if somebody I'm working with local, yeah, they're getting a scheduled send 'cause Well, and then you're talking about focus. So a, that's part of why I like to crochet so much because it does keep my hands and my brain busy, but I'm not on my phone. Then I have a friend who has a unique ability to just kill my focus for the entire day. I can be in a flow at work, just killing it, and then I'll get a notification of a reel or something and I'm, I'm gone now. I may as well go home. And I was in one of one of those conversations one day and a coworker came and brought a little rock. It's like smaller than a golf ball and on a little polished rock and engraved on it is the word focus. And she put it on my desk during the middle of one of these focus killer conversations. Oh no. Oh no. And so I look at that. Every time I look at that, I just crack up laughing.'cause I'm like, oh yeah, you're right. Focus.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. Focus. Focus. Um. I forgot to share. I rewrote these notes. I had it on a smaller notebook and then I rewrote them.'cause number one, writing helps me learn and retain. But it was, if you find yourself in a spell, like a real deep web, or I guess a, a wide web, maybe practice, it's like the 3, 3, 3 rule. It's identify three different things in a room that you're in. Okay? Like stop, identify three different things. Listen for three different sounds. And move three body parts.

Megan:

Oh, interesting.

Katiuscia:

And it kind of, and you always say the motion stuff, Uhhuh how, like the benefit of that. But

Megan:

it needs to be like a bilateral motion.

Katiuscia:

Yeah.

Megan:

To get your whole brain in involved.

Katiuscia:

So I sometimes I think if, sometimes I'll sit still, sometimes I don't, we know I use my hands all the time to talk.

Megan:

I feel like I can't sit still The way that you use your hands. You're moving your hands all the time and I'm just moving everything all the time. Like I cannot sit still.

Katiuscia:

I It is, it is pretty. Nuts when I'm, when I'm talking I, and so then, then I'll cla bum or I'll sit on them to try to not be such a mime about it.

Megan:

Okay. But I thought that that was like an Italian stereotype until we went to that Italian dinner. And you brought that cute little Italian couple. Oh yeah. Older couple. And then they were talking with the other Italian man and these two Italian men, like speaking in Italian. Just the hand movements were incredible. It was. I loved it. It made my whole day because I was like, this is real.

Katiuscia:

It's, it is real. It's definitely real. It's just everything. And they're much more exaggerated. Obviously when you're with or when you're in Italy or when you're with people like that, like they

Megan:

had just met each other and they're slapping each other on the back. You son of a bitch. I mean, it was incredible.

Katiuscia:

It's so good. I love it, but it also reminds me of. Because it's just a whole other language. The hands, there's motions for certain things that, you know, everybody knows over there. So there's just, it's a lot. It's complex. But I will say there's the guy on the internet who does HO math. The handle is, I think it's ho math, and I've sent you charts of his before. He'll be like, women that are doing this and like crying about this and he'll break it down. It's called HO Math. Okay, at HO Math. This is for you in a loving way. He was saying that, so I do, I do this a lot, right? Yeah. Like with the hands, like this, like an Italian. And he was, he had this whole video about women who do this.

Megan:

Oh, the bird.

Katiuscia:

The bird, yeah, the bird hand. And it's like Bach. Bach. So. Now when I do it, I get super self-conscious.'cause I'm gonna, I'm like, oh my gosh. What's gonna happen is someone's gonna clip that portion of one of the videos and be like, look at this girl. She's totally doing, she's telling us what to do. No, I'm not. I'm just Italian. I talk with my hands. Sorry.

Megan:

The Italian hands are different than the bird hands though.

Katiuscia:

I know, but still it's just, it's the motion.

Megan:

I get it. Okay. So back in the day, I worked at this job with a wide, weird variety of people and there was a woman who worked up in the administrative office. And my department was kind of the rebellious group. We kinda did whatever we wanted. Perfect. We were not chained to a desk. We were not, you know, we did, we could go outside like we were pretty rogue.

Katiuscia:

Can I guess what job this was, or do you not wanna

Megan:

say? Yeah, no, you can guess.

Katiuscia:

Was this car dealership stuff?

Megan:

No, this was at the hotel.

Katiuscia:

Oh.

Megan:

I worked at lots of hotels, but this was at the local hotel. Oh,

Katiuscia:

okay.

Megan:

Okay. Okay. And I know that we have one person who is listening who a hundred percent knows and probably can guess who this is that I'm gonna talk about. So this older lady worked up in the administrative office and she was super, like skinny, older lady, very sharp features. And when she got mad at us, oh no, she, she would come down and put her hands on her hips and talk to us with her head moving front and back. And it, we. One of us pointed out that she looked like a chicken. And then when we could never take her seriously when she was reprimanding us, it was the freaking funniest. So that's all I can think of when you're talking about the chicken hand, because this woman was a whole chicken body.

Katiuscia:

The whole chicken,

Megan:

and she'd be meaning it with her whole soul. She was so mad at us. And

Katiuscia:

were you all trying not to laugh?

Megan:

Oh, I'd have to walk away. I'd have to be like, I have to go to the, I have a bloody nose. Like I cannot stand here and do this with you because I'm gonna laugh in your face.

Katiuscia:

Oh, like that? Yeah. Okay. That's crazy. No. So I've never seen anyone do that. I do wanna see that now though. I wanna see that like on a live, that's

Megan:

incredible

Katiuscia:

human to do that. I mean, you know what, if I look hard enough on the internet, I'm pretty sure I could watch something of current and I'll, I'll recreate it for

Megan:

you later.

Katiuscia:

Okay. But the hands thing, I talk all the time. So I get the back to the 3, 3, 3 thing. I do get that I get. You're trying to train. Right? It's, it's the whole training your brain to be solutions based, to be recognizing everything. I get it. In theory. I totally get it. I wanna practice all this stuff. I don't want my mind to become Then, you know, you also run the risk of, generally speaking, your mind becoming a prison in more ways than one. People already go through stuff in their life where their mind is like a prison to them.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

When you fixate, it's fixating really, I guess overthinking. It's kind of fixating in a weird, in a weird, oh my gosh. In a weird way. Let's, let's get that out. What a day. So I get it. I'm trying to find solutions for it, but man, I like that feeling of so much. We are chaos today.

Megan:

I think it's me. I'm sorry. Its kind of, I'm just biting all the chaos. That's okay. I's hit this mic stand 15 times. Can't sit still. I'm like tangents galore.

Katiuscia:

Tangents are fine. We love the tangents. The tangents.

Megan:

Myd is high today and I am patched up. Like I, I should be focused and I'm not.

Katiuscia:

Focus. Megan, where's your rock? Where's the rock? No, I feel like I need it.

Megan:

It's in my, it's in my office.

Katiuscia:

Okay. So, no, I just, I feel like people, you could be in a prison in your own mind for the stupidest thing, and then I think of, I'm very. You bring any toxicity into my life, I'm out like, yeah, I don't have the room anymore. No. In my life for anything like that. And I had to learn that the hard way, and we've talked about this, we've talked about it so many times, but when you then, when you're dealing with, you know, not everybody deal with shit. The way that we deal with it. The way you deal with it is different than the way I deal with it. It's just that's human nature. It's the way we all kind of function. But when I have a situation or I'm a concept that I'm just can't figure out the solution for, or gosh, it's, you know, I have to do this, but what if I, what if this happens? Or what if this happens and you now create all those scenarios because you're trying to process the solution? I think that the main point is that as someone who tends to overthink about everything a lot. I am doing it from an approach of figure out the answer.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

It's never a web too big where the, where you get stuck in it. Like you're stuck in it, but you're trying to find the way out of it. Where sit. You don't wanna a people who can soak,

Megan:

sit, sit and swallow in it.

Katiuscia:

Sit in the ick. Yeah. Who was it that said that? You're just, you're stuck in the yuck.

Megan:

Oh, very Dr. Seuss. I like it.

Katiuscia:

Stuck in the yuck.

Megan:

I like it

Katiuscia:

because it's like, yeah, that makes sense. I get it.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

So that that sits with me. I don't wanna be stuck there. No. I wanna get out of it.

Megan:

I wanna find the next thing.

Katiuscia:

It's the same way when I go through like seasonal depression. Yeah. I don't wanna be there very long. I wanna get the fuck out of it. Yeah. I don't wanna be here, but I'm not gonna force myself to. Fake being happy or something. I'm gonna process whatever it is I'm going through.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Down a rabbit hole. Yeah. But like I'm gonna process it. I'm just gonna do it in my own way.

Megan:

Yeah. You know, when I overthink, I think the most the, I am one of those people that I wish I could Google my own brain. If you're like, what's your favorite movie? I'll be like, I don't know what movies exist. Like I forget things all the time. So what I'm gonna say, it may or may not be true, but when I think one of the times I. Overthink the most is I am a person who looks for signs all the time. Like if it's something I've been preying on a lot, I'll be like, oh, gimme a sign. But you have to give me like a really good sign.'cause I am not that bright all the time.

Katiuscia:

Okay.

Megan:

Gimme something that's like legit concrete that I know without a doubt, but the rest of the time I'm like, was that a sign? Was that a sign? What color was that? Dump truck. What is that? I've seen three of those today. What does that mean? I, that's where I will go off onto another planet and it's half of my brain is completely just ruminating on this thing now until I can either figure it out or occasionally I'll get bored of it and I'll just set it down. So that's the benefit of the a DD. But there's a couple things where I look for signs all. The time. And I know that if you are looking for a red Toyota Camry, you're gonna see Red Toyota Camrys all the time. Like I get that. But I have a couple things where I'm just constantly like, or I will have decided, okay, I'm done with that. I'm gonna set that down. And then God, in his sense of humor goes, no, you're not. Here's one of those again. And then I'm like, shit, I'm back in it.

Katiuscia:

So you're hyper aware.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

And I mean, we went through that with the situational awareness, episode two, when you talked about all that. I'm not aware. I'm aware of certain things, hold on situationally if I'm traveling, if I'm doing whatever. Sure, sure. If it's that kind of situation, I'm aware. Behaviors, I'm aware to an extent, and then I'm not like, I don't, there's just certain things because I think my attitude is, it's not my job to figure out behavior. Of another person. It's my job to figure out my own behavior and how I act when whatever happens. Like

Megan:

yeah,

Katiuscia:

that's just, it's just, it's the interactions with people. It's not my job and I don't have the capacity in my own brain to be hyper aware of why someone might be acting the way they're acting. And I think it's just because I expect that everyone deals with their own shit. Yeah. And doesn't project it on others. Mm-hmm.

Megan:

But

Katiuscia:

that's not always the case. So. I overthink my own shit. I don't overthink other people's

Megan:

shit. I unfortunately overthink other people's. I will analyze the whole time, like if I, I generally will say what I mean and mean what I say like I am. I've gotten a lot better about that, but I also want other people to do that, and when I feel like somebody maybe isn't being completely forthcoming with me, I will. Well, what was that tone and what was that and what, why did they choose this word instead of that word? And I, I will do that.

Katiuscia:

Oh, okay.

Megan:

Not with everybody. Okay. But with certain people.

Katiuscia:

That's why

Megan:

it's hard. It sucks.

Katiuscia:

That's why voice memos are, are good because you're getting the tone. That's why we, we, that's why we love them.'cause they're just easy and there's no question about it. Um, yeah. I don't, I think I just get to a point where I read it and it's like, is that bitchy? Is that fine? Okay. And I don't try to deep dive on certain things. Yeah, yeah. If it's, and it doesn't, I don't really get money of those where I'm questioning.'cause a lot of people that I know are doing the voice memo thing, or like a quick call, whatever it may be. But even interacting with people, you can tell when you're in person and you're like, oh, you're being a bitch right now. Yeah. Because of just general tone. The word they chose, you're not even questioning like why they choose that word. Like, you know, because

Megan:

you just heard it. Body language and my spidey senses and like the unspoken things there are thi it's like, because that was a form of survival for me growing up. You know, having to read the room, having to just the vibes of it. I am so hypervigilant to that, so I can tell if somebody is grumpy with me before they even really acknowledge that they're grumpy with me in their own brain. I can just freaking feel it. And I think that's why I gravitated so much towards vet me and animals, because that's all there is, is body language. But they're not trying to hide it.

Katiuscia:

No.

Megan:

And so I can like, that's why I don't do birds'cause I can't read birds. But like I can read dogs and cat. Most mammals I'm down with, I can tell you how they're feeling, what's going on. If they're stressed, if they're nervous, if they're scared, if like, I get that.'cause that's just one of my special powers. I guess

Katiuscia:

I was gonna say, this sounds a little like woowoo, but I

Megan:

don't know how to always fix it or make it better. But like I can, I just can feel it.

Katiuscia:

Yeah.

Megan:

So

Katiuscia:

it's uh, yeah, it's a, it's,

Megan:

but then with other people, humans, it stresses me out.'cause then I'm like hard, you know, my husband will come home and be grumpy 'cause he had a bad day or whatever. And I'll be like, are you mad at me? Are you mad at me? Is he mad at me? What if he's mad at me? He said this, this way. And what if I, and I will, now I'm spiraling.

Katiuscia:

Oh.

Megan:

So

Katiuscia:

yeah. So that's probably not, that's not the good place Yeah. To be. I get it.

Megan:

But so, um, I've instituted a 24 hour rule, uh, to where if something makes me upset, I give myself 24 hours.'cause I don't always, if I respond right in the moment, it may not come out right.

Katiuscia:

Hmm.

Megan:

And so. I give myself 24 hours to dec from that moment to decide is this something worth bringing up or not? And then I don't have to like fester on it for three days before I decide that it's probably worth bringing up or I have to let it go then. And that's been incredible. I recommend that to everyone.

Katiuscia:

That's a good, that's a good thing. It's, it's kind of the think before you speak. Mm-hmm. Or. Yeah, there's a lot of examples that I could use for that, but I am, I'm kind of like that as well. I never, I give grace too for certain things because you just never know. Not everyone, I do know for a fact that not everyone, right, not everyone is like the way you process. The way I process. Oh yeah. So when you are dealing with humans and unfortunately not animals because they are so much easier to kind of just not have to overthink about. Yeah. But when it is people. And you don't know how they navigate certain situations in their own life because of whatever's going on there and then they impart that on you. It's not your duty or responsibility to pick that up, and so that's really difficult. I love the think before you send or think before the response, because I give grace for everything. So that's. I do that and it's a trait to a fault.'cause sometimes it shouldn't be, it's not deserved on the other end. And again, these are things that don't happen to me much anymore, but they used to more

Megan:

Sure.

Katiuscia:

And then I learned to kind of set those boundaries of, yeah, no, that's, that's not what this phone is for. but I also don't. Wanna overthink anyone's email, communication words, anything that anyone says, I have enough in my mind,

Megan:

mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

That I'm dealing with and just trying to survive and live and attempt to thrive. I have enough enough that I can already overthink that I don't need to add someone else's shit to as well, because then that just makes it more complex. So anyone in my life, and I get these things. Again, not very often, but sometimes I'll get them from clients where they're not voice memoing me, they're texting me. So then it's like, you gotta read those words. Mm-hmm. Or just pick up the phone and call because. In business transactions. I am so the fan of having the conversation. Please don't text me. I mean, if it's a quick answer, quick question. Sure. But on a monumental something, I don't wanna respond to you on that via text because I don't know what you're thinking about the tone. So now I'm overthinking how you're gonna react. And I just said, I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna have to overthink how someone else processes something that I say because they didn't take the extra step to get the clarity that they needed. Yeah, I'm huge on clarity.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Just tell me. Like straightforward, have the conversation because you, you go through it real quick. Mm-hmm. And you don't sit on something that you had to think of before you texted it. You had to brainstorm it first. And I'm not talking about bad stuff. I'm talking about like ideas that people have in the sense of, hey, well I was thinking for this particular situation or this transaction, and it's like, hold on. You're talking about legal documents now. Like contracts, you need to call me. This isn't something that we talk about on text. Or with anything serious. Yeah. I don't do that with anyone. I don't want to, but I don't, I don't, don't be in a, don't put me in a position to overthink what you meant Just call me if it's a question.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

But I definitely like to take the time to respond when I have it, and when I don't have to answer on the fly.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

I don't like that. I just don't want the pressure

Megan:

on the thought of clarity. Something that says, something that somebody said to me once,

Katiuscia:

you know, I leave all

Megan:

this. I was gonna say, you can keep it or leave it. I don't care. I do that. If you talk to me any amount of time, you know, I do that. That was a game changer for my overthinking this, because I think of myself as a fairly competent communicator, right? So the people who. Want to understand you. The people who are for you will break their legs tripping over themself to understand you. The people who are determined to make you the villain or don't want to understand like they, you could make it the most crystal clear set of words anybody has ever come up with in their lives, and they will find a way to misunderstand you.

Katiuscia:

Oh, for sure.

Megan:

And that was like, oh yeah. And that made me feel a lot better.'cause I've definitely had, you know, I'm just falling all over myself to try to make my point as clear as possible because being misunderstood just breaks my heart. I don't, I don't want somebody to misunderstand what I'm saying. And then they do anyway. And I'm just like,

Katiuscia:

especially when you're trying actively, you're actively trying to not be misunderstood, to be as clear as possible. Yeah. You said something about this, um, before when you've said it's like the people who you say, I love pancakes. Well, why do you hate waffles? Yeah. It's, there's always going to someone, which is why when it comes to the concept of overthinking and the situational or underlying stress and all the root causes of it, and you know, the anxiety. These are things that we have enough of in our life, and I wasn't even bringing this up to bring it into a other people conversation, but sure. That adds so much, so many elements to anyone who struggles with just getting through their daily routine without being able to focus. Maybe it's a DD, maybe you're just overthinking'cause you have high anxiety for other reasons. Maybe. Maybe it's

Megan:

Maybelline.

Katiuscia:

Maybe it's Maybelline. There's, that's what I'm saying. There's always a whole thing.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Where when someone else, unfortunately, who maybe hasn't done the work or isn't doing the work on themselves to kind of know better or know different, that's where it becomes really difficult. So in a professional aspect, I see this with everybody, and it's difficult because I'm just trying to sit over here and kind of move through doing everything I need to do. I've got enough in my head that I don't need to analyze that. I don't know. You were mad because I said I couldn't go to lunch with you on that day. And then I tried to reschedule to a different day and now it's like, forget it. So now you're thinking, okay, well she's obviously, or he's obviously mad at me, whatever it may be. But that, and that's a stupid petty example, but that's also just the point of I don't have the capacity to navigate someone else's life. And I also don't wanna overthink. Behavior of other people.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

I think most overthinkers do that. Yeah. I think most overthinkers they take that one conversation or those words and the, this isn't a, this isn't like an individualized, like it is the way you do it, but I'm saying this isn't a soul,

Megan:

it's not in a vacuum.

Katiuscia:

No. Like

Megan:

there are a lot of variables.

Katiuscia:

There's a lot of VA or. There's also a lot of variables and vacuums, um, which is weird to use vacuum 'cause I'm, I'm trying to research vacuums right now, so I've got vacuum on the brain. But yeah, there's a lot of different variables and I don't think it's a, a problem that maybe just your ex I think it's very widespread. Yeah. In the sense of who overthinks the behaviors of others. I just stopped doing it because it was to, to the best that I can. There's obviously still a little bit. I stopped giving it so much power.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Because that's what it was doing. I would, you know, when I turned from the person that said yes to doing everything for everybody, and then I started to say no because I had to prioritize my own health and people started now. Well that's bitchy or that's selfish. No, it's just the one time in my life that I'm actually standing up for myself and saying, no, I can't do that because I have to prioritize my own health. Saying no to committees. That was huge for me to be able to finally. Do that because I'd been just, well, I have, I mean, I have to, right? Am I gonna be viewed differently? And then when I got to that point where I thought, I actually don't care how I'm viewed. I need to do this for myself. Because if I'm not even around to defend myself because I said yes all the time, then what good is this?

Megan:

Yeah. Well, and other people's opinion of you is none of your business.

Katiuscia:

Totally.

Megan:

That's like one I wanna have that embroidered on a pillow. Like that's just, that was. That also changed my life. Like, oh, okay.

Katiuscia:

Yeah,

Megan:

I'll make myself as clear as possible. And if you choose not to get what I'm saying, then that's your problem.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. And we always say like, you don't, there's so many people in the world, you don't have to like everybody.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

I mean, I could, I could look on tv. So many people on TV I don't like, I don't wanna be friends with them. But the same way for us, not everyone's gonna like you, and that's okay.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

It's totally fine. This is that thing called life and finding your, we talked about this. We always do. We like our, we like our core people. It's good. It's a good feeling to have that and not have to feel like you have to chameleon to everybody. Yeah. That's so much. And then why?'cause you're worried about what people are thinking That's overthinking someone else's feelings. Like don't worry about it.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Just focus on you.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

I dunno. I, I think for me, when I stopped giving it so much power. That particular part was recent with all the committees, you know, that's like of this year. Mm-hmm. I trimmed down last year a lot, but with the stop giving peoples like, stop overthinking so much about people that came before, and that was even game changing for me because I thought, yeah, okay. I mean, oh well, I, I get, I will overthink, I think about. I like, and I, I talk about this in therapy, so I don't care to share. I mean, I don't care that I'm sharing it. I, I live my life. Pretty good in the sense of I treat people with respect. I help you when I can. I'm very kind. I'm very genuine. There's nothing fake about me. There's nothing bitchy about me unless you push me in a corner, then everyone's a bitch. Um, or I'm defending myself.

Megan:

Mm-hmm.

Katiuscia:

Or you're cruel, then I'm, I mean, it's gonna come across as bitchy, but it's really just defending. I'm not gonna go be mean for the sake of being mean, but there is that weird part that I can't. Knowing in my own mind that I can't, I can't fill in the narrative for what someone else is viewing that as. Sometimes that's a thought that I'm just thinking that story's gonna be completely different, or that version of events is gonna be totally different, but you just kinda have to let that shit go too. Yeah. And also, I know who I am and people who know me know me. I'm not a mean per like, whatever. Well, it's

Megan:

like that, but people get the version of you that they deserve.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. But it's also when you're saying you don't wanna be misunderstood, I also don't wanna be misunderstood. Yeah. But I also don't wanna be misrepresented.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Because that I've worked, I've spent a lot of time and self, you know, work to be the person that I am. So sometimes I just think, gosh, isn't it just funny how, kind of like when we were talking about with Joey about Google reviews or something. Mm-hmm. You know. You always do your best at everything. And hold on. I don't even know where we were before that pause, but

Megan:

I don't either.

Katiuscia:

I think I'm gonna say do what you can and we're all guilty of it. We're all guilty of going down our own mind and, and just getting trapped in our own thoughts, but, take cool necessary steps that you need to take. I think that that's great to have solutions, be solutions based in everything. So if you're an overthinker like us, just know what your know, what your end goal is. If you wanna find a solution to a problem or if you wanna sit there and be stuck there. Those are two choices that you can distinctly make. But that would be my big and don't, don't say things to people without saying what you mean, when you talk mean, what you say.

Megan:

Well, and also think about it a little bit, like you don't need to think on it for five straight days until you're just so wrapped up, wrapped around the axle that you can't even function anymore. but think about it for 12 to 24 hours before you just like go off, you know, think about it a little bit, and there's two sides to every coin. So there's the positives to overthinking and the negatives like, try to shift it just a little more to the positive side.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. And, and don't let the weight of other people's opinions. Don't overthink that 'cause

Megan:

Well that's a waste of time.

Katiuscia:

They don't matter.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

Yeah. So on that note, I guess have a good day to everyone. Except anyone who doesn't know how to read a room, just read the room.

Megan:

Yeah.

Katiuscia:

I feel like that's becoming more of a thing these days and we got out of it for a while, so let's go back to when it was the thing.

Megan:

Sense the tone

Katiuscia:

when they know how to read the room. Yeah. Yes. Okay. Okay.

Megan:

Bye.