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S2 EP07 | THE FABRIC OF HOPE | KIRBY KELLY

• Antoine Herron

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0:00 | 1:05:52

Antoine sits down with speaker, preacher, author, podcast host, and content creator—Kirby Kelly! They discuss life, ministry, true fidelity in Jesus, and Kirby's new book The Fabric of Hope!

Links:

Book: https://bit.ly/TheFabricofHopeKirbyKelly

About: https://kirby-kelly.com/

Podcast: https://www.lifeaudio.com/bought-beloved-with-kirby-kelly/?page=2

 

Kirby's Socials:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirbyisaboss/?hl=en

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/kirbyisaboss

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kirbyisaboss?lang=en


The Fabric of Hope releases April 7th, 2026. 

Could God be interrupting your life with hope in the middle of your hardest seasons, stitching meaning into every square inch of the fabric of your story? Kirby Kelly wants to help you find the worth in what seemed like a waste, sweetness to what was once a bitter taste, purpose to your pain, glory to your shame, and relief from the strain of your burdens.

Life has not dealt anyone an easy hand, no matter what we see on social media. We all have our scars and stories, our lemons and our laments. But something delightful, refreshing, and sweet can come out of the hardest seasons when viewed through the lens of God's redemptive plan that is woven throughout the biblical narrative and your individual story. He is the thread that stitches torn things back together making beauty that is worth trusting even when you're still in the thick of the process.

In The Fabric of Hope, Kirby Kelly walks you through her own patchwork life with its unexpected love story, the sudden loss of her mom in the shadow of her graduation and Mother's Day, battling doubt, a family legacy of addiction, and betrayal to finding calling and purpose and synchronicity in God's design to show you the greater story God was stitching together. By showing you how God pieced together the bitter and the sweet she wants to help you:

  • reflect on the stories you've lived through and recognize the goodness, kindness, and purpose of God in each chapter
  • learn how to cope in the sable clouds and hope in the silver linings of God's great plan for your unique life
  • embrace life's beautiful dichotomies of sadness and joy, pain and purpose, ache and wholeness often in a single season
  • have permission to exist in both planes of suffering and rejoicing with God
  • identify where God was, what He was up to, and how He used each interruption in your life for divine intervention.

When you take the time to reflect on every place you've been, the seasons you’ve gone through, and each victory and celebration along the way, you might start to notice an interesting pairing. Some of the most joyful, peaceful, hopeful, and beautiful seasons with the Lord actually occur during some of your times of greatest hardship, suffering, change, and inconvenience. Kirby Kelly wants to help you recognize those moments so you can savor what God is up to in the middle of all your seasons.

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SPEAKER_02

Like even the Jewish culture still today celebrates Sabbath and and integrates that in their life. And I remember in 2018, I went on a trip to Israel and we did a Sabbath. And it was so interesting being in the actual culture where it was like every business is shut down right now. Like the everyone is resting, everything is resting. Nothing is working right now. Like even the elevators stop on every floor, so you don't push a button, kind of thing. And it was so interesting to be like, this is a lifestyle for them. But here in America, it never stops me. What do you do when your life starts to unravel? When prayers go unanswered or heartbreak begins to settle in, and seasons of suffering leave you wondering and asking the question: where is God in all of this? Maybe you feel stuck or unsure how to trust God through the pain or how to find meaning in the mess while still holding on to hope. If that's you, I'm Kirby Kelly. And in my newest book, The Fabric of Hope, it was written for moments just like these. This book will help you see God's hand in every part of your story and recognize his presence in places that maybe you never expected, especially in those moments of suffering. You'll learn what scripture says about pain, how to walk through it with God's hope and peace sustaining you, how to view suffering through the lens of redemption, and how to come out the other side with deeper faith and renewed strength. This book is all about experiencing supernatural hope, discovering unexpected blessings in hard seasons, and building firm trust in God's presence, promises, and power. Friend, your story isn't over. And with the fabric of hope, you'll see how God is stitching every piece of your story together for good.

SPEAKER_00

And today I am so excited about my guests. I'm gonna be honest. Sometimes you have limited context to people, and the Lord's like, you should just be obedient and reach out to see if maybe there's something here. And I reached out to our guests today and was like, I'd love to have you on the pod to be able to be a blessing to our community and to share what God's done in you. And this person was like, I would love to, which to be honest, I didn't expect because this, but not well, let me just say this, not because it's anything against like you as a person. It was more like you're busy, you're doing stuff, you're sharpening the body, you're discipling the body on this level that a lot of people don't have context to, which we'll get into.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So my thing was like, I want to honor your schedule, honor your time. And if you don't hit me back or say no, I completely understand. But when you did, I was just like, yo, the Lord must be in this, and I'm honored. So, but without further ado, my guest today is an author, speaker, preacher, content creator. We will get into more of all that. She also has a podcast as well, uh, called Bottom Beloved. Bottom Beloved. Bottom Beloved. Come on, somebody. But without further ado, my guest today is none other than Kirby. How do you say your last name? Kelly Kelly. Kirby Kelly. Come on, y'all.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, I love to be here.

SPEAKER_00

When I saw you on a podcast before you were like, it's not Kelly Kirby. I get it. It's Kirby Kelly. Does that happen a lot?

SPEAKER_02

Every day of my life. Like, if I'm ever on a phone call with anybody. So I just had my birthday the other day, and the car that I drive, the dealership called my husband. And they're like, we're here to wish Kelly a happy birthday. And he's like, what? And they're like, Kelly Kirby. And he's like, first of all, this is her husband, and it's Kirby Kelly. They're like, okay, we'll tell her happy birthday. Oh god. I'm like, what the heck?

SPEAKER_00

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02

Um, but yeah, in conclusion, I get that all the time. But yeah, it's Kirby Kelly.

SPEAKER_00

That's so funny. When I was a kid, it was like the amount of times people like it was never Antoine. It was the closest would be like Anthony, Antone, like Anton. It was never, so I'd be like in class and they'd be like, Billy, Sarah, you know, like we'll call. I'm like, it's Ant. I already know, it's Antoine. I already know you can't say my name.

SPEAKER_02

My maiden name was Minnek. And I feel like it's pretty, that's not like a that's not a first name. So I guess like Kirby makes sense, like Kirby Minnick, but now it's Kirby Kelly, which I'm like, that's two first names and two last names. And it's five letters. It starts with K ends with a Y. Like literally, I'm like, I just it'd be like that. But I like it. It's giving Peter Parker vibes now. So I'm like Kirby Kelly. I love it. I love it.

SPEAKER_00

And that's your your husband's name. So yeah, I'm I'm glad you like it. That's awesome. But give us a little bit of context to you before we jump into all the things that the Lord has called you to steward and and gifted you to steward, but give us a little bit of context to you. Like, who are you?

SPEAKER_02

Well, my name's Kirby Kelly. Come on. Kelly Kirby. And you, I feel like you kind of nailed the introduction there. Like I love to speak and preach. I feel like that's like the thing that makes me feel most alive is when I get to do the actual ministering, whether that's speaking on a stage or I don't know, a small group of people. I I have such a burden and a heart for making it make sense. Like taking the gospel and helping bridge that gap if people have lack of context or a lack of understanding. Or, you know, you can see your pastor preach on a Sunday and it's like, how do they know all of that? Like I read the Bible and it's like, come again, like the thy vow. What is happening? So I just that's where I just feel most alive is making it make sense for people. And for me, that started with social media. So after I got saved when I was 14, no one was really posting about Jesus online. Not that I saw. Whereas now it's like you have Christian influencers and these influencers and that influencers. It's like there's a niche and a camp for everything. Christian podcasts. Yeah. Like that wasn't even a thing, like Christian anything really, when I first started. But I just started uploading content online on YouTube and Instagram and Vine when that was a thing. Yeah. TBT. Yes. Those six-second clips. Um, but I just started posting about Jesus and my faith and how I was navigating it at that point as a high schooler. And I feel like the Lord really solidified my calling in that of creating content for him, of your like you're called to be a communicator of the gospel. Yeah. Like that's what I'm called to do.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Stages, cameras, microphones, people, like in whatever setting. Like that is what I love to do. Uh, and now I get to do it as a podcaster as well, but an author. And that's been like the coolest journey has been to sit down and like take my time with writing something out and mulling it over and remembering what God has done. I feel like that's a really big spiritual discipline that I've loved embracing is just remembering who God is, what he has done. Cause we can be so quick to just push past it. Um, and yeah, I guess that's a little bit about what I do. I'm married. Yeah. I'm expecting my first kid. Yeah, you are. Yeah, which is crazy. Come on. At the end of April, maybe May. So we'll see whenever she decides to pop out. Uh so it's a busy season. Book and baby. It's been a lot. It's been really good.

SPEAKER_00

Book and baby. That I mean, that sounds like a podcast too, honestly.

SPEAKER_03

Book and baby. No, literally, though.

SPEAKER_00

That's awesome. Well, thanks for giving us that context. And like, like you said, like it's I love what you said because it's honestly through watching you and even uh friends of mine that are in a similar space as what we're in with the podcast creative space. I I love preaching, I love teaching God's word. And sometimes we feel like that has to be through the mechanism of a platform at a church or a conference or an event. It's like, no, do it within the mechanism and the environment that you already are. So if that's podcasts, do it. If that's a small group and being faithful at your church, do that. But the that it doesn't change just because of the environment. Like that gift is still there, that passion is still there. Exactly. So, like, I'm curious though, with that, you know, you started off with content creation. What was like the steps of like, okay, I'm I'm putting out these these vines, and then but okay, maybe I'm I'm doing these full messages. Like you did a breakdown of Galatians, like, which was phenomenal. Thank you. What led to you being like, oh, I want to like really steward like this platform to preach the gospel in almost like a sermon way?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That's a really good question. Because, like I said, for me, when I first started posting about Jesus, it was just like, I just want people to know about Jesus. I want my peers to know about him. I want my friends, family, the whole world to know about him. And that's when like the rise of social media was really happening, where it was like, I mean, YouTube was pretty popular at that point, but I feel like it's even more popular now where it's like kids are skipping cartoons and they're just watching Mr. Beast. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

But it was like getting to that point where it's like you start having like actual YouTube culture. And I saw like, wow, these people actually have a voice and an impact. I can do that. Like, I can do that. But more, more specifically, my senior year of high school, I can do this for Jesus, like for the gospel. And I feel like that's when I I surrendered really my my YouTube channel and my Instagram and just any other platform I had at that point, my Twitter, whatever it was. It was like, I I just remember having this moment with the Lord where he was like, I want you to really make this about me. And so I did. I started making videos that were like explicitly like, let's talk about Jesus. Like, let's go through what is the gospel. Let's talk about hard concepts. Let me talk about what it's like for me to just live life as a Christian girl in Texas in high school, even though it's very Christian, quote unquote down here. Nominally, I felt like I was like one of the only on fire Christians at my school. Maybe there were more, but like I was like blatant about it. Like everybody knew. Like people were talking about like Bible thumper Kirby walking down the hallways, posting about Jesus online. And I was like, call me that again. I really don't care. I love the Lord. Um, but for me, when it came to that shift of it like becoming ministry, yeah, that really wasn't until I was in college. And when I went to university, I went to Dallas Baptist University, like just down the street from the city.

SPEAKER_01

Come on, DBU.

SPEAKER_02

Go Pats. Uh I love DBU. And I loved it because I feel like I was always really good at school. And I got to see that translate to becoming a good student of the word. And they really equipped me to know how to study the Bible, read the Bible contextually, like actually do the text justice by extracting out of it what it really meant then and there and how it can apply here and now. And so I think in just learning that, I was like, everyone needs to learn this. Like, I'm paying so much money to learn this, but like there are people who don't know how to do this. And I feel like I can kind of be that translator, like that duolingo in a way, where it's like, okay, we're gonna take these big words and these big concepts, we're gonna kind of chew it up and and help just everyday people learn it who might not be able to attend a seminary or be able to afford anything like that, or has limited time. Like I just wanted to see people equipped. And I think just through naturally doing that, it it became very clear to me. Oh, God gave me a gift for teaching. And I just dove right into the deep end at that point of posting content online where it felt very sermon-based. And I don't know if that's just because of the church that I went to and seeing like the sermon structures and how that helped me, or how my professors taught and how that just resonated with me. But I just gleaned from these leaders in my life and found my own voice in doing it. And it kind of turned into just sermon structures, really, whether it was like a seven-minute YouTube video or a 30-minute podcast. And then eventually I started getting booked for speaking, and God just opened that door. People are like, How'd you do it? I'm like, He did it. I was just obedient.

SPEAKER_05

Come on.

SPEAKER_02

Literally, though, he opened every single door for me and everything I've ever done. And it's it's as simple as if you're called to do it, then you're gonna do it. Yeah. But that requires you being obedient and faithful even in those mundane seasons. And I was just being faithful. And he opened those doors at the right time. I never had to pry them open whenever I thought I was ready, but maybe wasn't. And here I am now. It's just, it's been a really beautiful journey of trusting the Lord and literally just living my life with him. It's all happened so organically. Yeah. And I love it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, your your authenticity on social media and even through the content that you put out is so contagious because it is real. Like I could tell it is real. You really are about this Jesus stuff. It's not just uh uh like an online persona, yeah. Like to leverage, to get, you know, speaking engagements or whatever. It's like, no, no, no, this is your life, yeah, and you're allowing, you're bringing us into your life, and hopefully, out of that, like we we get to see more of who Jesus is through it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, you said something that I think is is really important. Like, first of all, how you didn't try to muster up some kind of business plan to get speaking engagements, the Lord opened up that door for you, but also being faithful in the dark, being faithful in those mundane seasons. How important has that been to even sustain what you're currently carrying? Just that personal fidelity to Jesus every day.

SPEAKER_02

Oh vital. I mean, I've I one of the biggest things that I've always prayed for when I when I first kind of realized, wait, I feel like I have a ministry calling on my life. And again, I think this is probably like my senior year of high school when he called me to like surrender not just my life, but everything I was doing to him. And the number one thing that I felt like he impressed on my heart to pray for was humility. And I feel like even saying that, that sounds like such a prideful thing to be like, I pray for humility every day.

SPEAKER_00

Look how humble I am.

SPEAKER_02

No, literally, it sounds like so like virtue signaling in a way. So like, please don't like interpret it that way. But I think that's something that more ministry leaders need to be praying for. It's something I have to actively pray for because the the platform, like you said, can it can just be this very tempting place of like that's the only place that I can make an impact. But for me, 14-year-old Kirby who had nothing, like no resources really, other than okay, I have my iPad that I got like for Christmas. Like, I'm just gonna set it up and start making videos about Jesus, and then it will just go from there. Because I the like the the there was that humility there of like, I just want people to know about Jesus, so I'm gonna use what I have. I'm gonna get creative and savvy and crafty. You know, scrappy, even if you want to say that, I don't know if I would say a kid with an iPad is scrappy, but you know what I mean? Like that's very like first world problems or whatever. But the point being, the I think having humility as a baseline where it's like you you have to remain humble and you like keep yourself in that place of returning to the Lord in that way, of just actively God humble me because I know that if if I'm not staying humble, then you will humble me. And it's like I've seen like humble yourself before God before God humbles you. Yeah, you know, because that's a hard place to fall from, like being high and lofty and proud. And there has been temptation in my life of in certain seasons of comparison, and well, I wish I had what they had, or you know, maybe I can I can do more and that'll open up more opportunities. It's like I have done all those things and thought all those thoughts, and it has never worked when it's been out of my own effort and striving. And you know what? It might work if it is out of your own effort and striving, but is it from God at that point? Will you probably end up being humbled from that position? Yeah, and that's hard. And I've seen way too many leaders fall from that place. I've met people behind the scenes where, you know, and I don't want to be one of those people that's like, I've met other people that are like that, but I've met people where it's like I can tell, like, where is the humility in this of it actually just being about Jesus? And I'm saying that as someone who has to be checked on that daily as well. And I'm thankful that I have a community of just like very real, everyday people who keep me in check and who are always checking my heart and my motives behind everything that I do. And my husband checks my heart in everything that I'm doing. Come on. And so I think that's helped me to have that word that you said, that fidelity, you know, that purity in what God has called me to do, because anytime I've tried to do it outside of him or for any personal gain or whatever you can fill in the blank, it's never worked. It's led to more striving, it's led to more exhaustion, it's led to more unfulfillment. Yeah. But when I've surrendered and been humble and accepted even the little things that he's given me to steward, there's been way more joy in that place and purity in that place.

SPEAKER_00

Come on.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's incredible. I I love that. First of all, this is humble when we talk about the real scope. Like and like this, like even you, you don't you don't have to say it, but I I know just from the nature of what you do that, yeah, I'm sure you've come across people where the the humility maybe was missing or lacking, um, and the authenticity wasn't there as well, where you're like, I I could see through it. And the reason you could see through it is because you're about it. Like you're about this life of like, Lord, I lay everything before you before I say yes to any gig, any engagement, any podcast, any anything, Lord, is are you in it? And I I I'm inspired by that and I respect you for that because I'm sure um it'd be easy to just be like, ah, it's fine. You know, because of the platform that God has allowed you to steward. It'd be easy to maybe compromise. Uh, but you're not compromising, you're staying true to his promise of what he's shown you and coming before him every single day. Like, literally, I I love that you you talk about this because like this podcast, the anchor scripture for humble is first Peter 5 7. Like, humble yourselves before the Lord, for at the proper time, he will exalt you.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

And we want to just like, well, the proper time is my time. It's like, no, it's not.

SPEAKER_02

And my definition of what exalted looks like is this. Yes. And it's like, is it is it being having a million followers and making a trillion dollars? Or I'm like, is that what it means to be exalted for the kingdom? Like it God's definitions for so many things are completely different than how we define it.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. The last will be first, the first will be last.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

And I think the there is a I'd love to to go here for a second because I think there is this is not what you're talking about. There's a difference between I'm striving to make something happen outside of what the Lord has for me, and there is work to be done.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So where has that been? Where's that line been for you of like, okay, I'm not striving to try to gain something to get money or opportunities, but at the same time, there is a job to do. There are things that are off camera that I gotta do, I gotta edit, I gotta reach out, I gotta market. So, what has the line been for you in that?

SPEAKER_02

Well, because I think the the heart and the root behind striving is I wanna be seen, I want to be known. Yeah, me, me, me, me, me. Whereas if your work is unto the Lord, then there's that removing of any pressure that I have to get it right, do it perfect, do it within a certain time frame. I mean, maybe the Lord has given you a time frame to do something.

SPEAKER_01

Sure, sure.

SPEAKER_02

But there there is no added pressure when God is in it. Because I think with striving, what we end up doing is trying to overcompensate for the areas where we're insecure or the areas where we just we really don't have it all. And I know for me, whenever I've uh strived in something, it's it's usually been fueled by insecurity of well, I need more this and I need more that, and I need to be this and I need to be that. And whenever I've actually committed my work to be for the Lord, that motivation uh is nowhere to be found. It really is, God, like I'm here for you. What do you want me to do? Who who have you called me to serve? It like the eyes, the eyes go off of me and go on to everybody else around me at that point. And it's not necessarily just about the outcome, it's about the obedience of it. Like that's I feel like that's the shift of it is like with striving, it's all about the outcome and the pressure is all on me.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But with doing your work unto the Lord and it being committed and submitted to him, he's in that. He's the strength, he's the supply. And it's about obedience to him and serving other people. And it just completely removes that pressure. And as someone who would hate to admit that she's perfectionistic, I'm like, I'm not a perfectionist, but like if you were to look at my track record and like every complaint I've ever had, it's like, girl, yeah, you are. Um, yeah, you are. Uh, it's one of those things that God has just had to work on in me of like the pressure is not on you, like the striving is not on you. Anytime anything has ever worked out for me or a door has opened for me, I haven't even needed to be close enough to knock at it for it to open. Like God already opened those doors for me to walk through. Come on, the ones that were ordained by him.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And so I think that's just a lesson that we all need to learn is that if you're stri like where striving ceases, that is really when you can begin to encounter what God has for you and you can experience freedom from whatever insecurity or perfectionistic tendencies or performative tendencies are really weighing you down.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah. Or comparison to what they have, or it needs a little thing really at the end of the day. Yeah, like it needs to look a certain way. It has to look a certain way.

SPEAKER_02

Like this is the formula that worked for them. People ask me, what was the formula that worked for you? There was no formula. It was literally just what has God called me to do today. That's good. And I'm just gonna be faithful here. I never imagined, and then I'm gonna get a podcast, and then I'm gonna get a book deal, and then I'm gonna go speak around the world. Like, I never foresaw that ever. Like, I'm glad that it happened. And there were seasons where it was like, I felt like God gave me glimpses of what was to come. Yeah, but it was never like here's the 10-year plan of how to be a preacher. That was not a thing. There was no formula for it. The formula was obedience. Like, that's what scripture teaches us.

SPEAKER_00

Come on, say it again, Kirby.

SPEAKER_02

The formula is obedience. That is what scripture teaches us. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

It's so good. And the reason why, thank you for going down that rabbit hole because I think for a lot of people that, you know, watch things like this, they see you, they see what you have, quote unquote. They assume that there is a formula that if you just follow that formula, you will get what you have, so to speak. And you're over here going, there was no formula outside of God.

SPEAKER_02

Literally. Even like with books and everything, it's like, yeah, you can you can have a team and they can give you a strategy and you can follow that. Sure. But I'm like, at the end of the day, I can follow that as much as I want, but I'm I can't drive the results of what is gonna end up happening. Like, I can't. There's so many things outside of our control. And I'm like, if God is not in it and I'm not submitted to him and obedient with what he calls me to do or or doesn't call me to do, it's like there's nothing I can manufacture. There really isn't. It's like you can do your best to strive and manufacture something and like hold it together with like your duct tape and be like, look, it's perfect. It's it's completely how it should be. But it's like, I feel like with the Lord, it's like if you've ever had to build something from IKEA and you're like, I don't know what any of these words mean, and I'm kind of just going off of the pictures. Like I literally have to just go like nut and bolt at a time. I feel like that's more what it feels like, where it's like, I'm just living life, and he's like, okay, here's the screw, and you're gonna put it in right there. And it's like, great, because I don't know what I'm building. And it ends up being something where it's like, this is actually fully functional and way better than I thought it would be if I were to just try and duct tape my life together.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, what an analogy to like I but I but how many of us are out here duct taping our lives together, going, here, God bless it. Yes. And he's like, I'd never first of all, you didn't need the buy the duct tape and the thing that you duct tape, I never called you to do that.

SPEAKER_02

Literally. And he's like, You built something that's completely different than than the instruction I gave you.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

And it's like, well, I don't know what then this instruction is. And he's like, well, then build it with me. I'm the carpenter. Like, what the heck?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So have there been seasons in your life within that where, you know, maybe because you like you you touched on this, like sometimes there is a deadline. Like that's just, hey, I gotta get this thing done by this time. That's not dishonoring to God, that actually is honoring to get the product out by the time that he's called you and the people that you're working with are calling for. So, but has there been times in your life where maybe there's been some pressure of that? Like, like going more into the, but if I did one more episode today, or if I did one more thing, knowing that I probably should log off, spend time with my spouse. You know, like like, so how have you maintained a level of grounding when that temptation comes? Because we know how the enemy works out here. Yeah. So how have you maintained that level of grounding?

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna be honest. That is something that I have definitely struggled with. And I've had friends like genuinely sit me down and call me out on that. Of like, you have not been a good friend in this season. And that's a hard thing to hear. It's an even harder thing to admit, you know, in Proverbs it talks about better are the wounds from a friend than kisses from an enemy. And I'm glad that I have faithful friends that are willing to wound me, knowing that it'll actually lead to healing, right? And me getting better and doing better. And I know friendship is different than work and deadline. Sure. But in the context of spreading myself so thin, I think it goes back to what I just said. It's like, why am I doing that? Am I striving? Am I trying to make up for an insecurity? Is there like a comparison route within me that is pushing me to just do one more thing that isn't necessarily necessary?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I feel like I've really learned a lot about that, specifically in this season with being pregnant. Like launching a book and having a baby within weeks of each other has completely rewired my mind in more than one way. Like pregnancy brain is real. I don't remember anything. I really don't. And I'm like, dang, these women out here really just don't remember anything. And now I'm one of them. I love that. But the balance of just rest and work, I've actually had to not just like hear about that and be like, that's good, right? Preach, Pastor. But I've actually had to embrace that as a rhythm in my life. Um, it's been so good and healthy. And I think it's because I had a lot of guilt around it for a while. Of, you know, we're and maybe this is just like a an American westernized Christian context of the gospel and your relationship with Jesus really being tied to success and outcomes. Where it's like you have to do more, you have to wake up at five in the morning and be that Bible girl and and you know, have a candlelight and you know, go really deep in the word and then go to the gym for four hours while also, you know, cranking out 27 videos and 18 courses or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like it's this hustle grind culture. And I'm like, I feel like Jesus has been removed from that at that point.

SPEAKER_03

Come on.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, maybe it's not for some people. Maybe that is the life that God has called them to. And great if God called you to it. But for me, the temptation is I need to do more to make up for whatever insecurity or lack I feel. But the lesson I'm learning in that, especially in this season, where I literally am like, I have to take a nap right now. Like I have to sleep for two hours. Cause there have been days where it's like, I completely get like fatigued and and almost like vertigo. And I'm like spinning around the room and I'm out for two days and I'm just like sleeping because I'm growing a life and I need to slow down and rest. That's only happened like two or three times. But I think that was also a grace from God in that of just you need to slow down and realize that I'm the one doing this work in you. I'm the one that's called you to do these things. And apart from me, you can do nothing.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Not only just in my striving, but it's like, I'm not in it. I'm not in what's going on right here. I'm gonna sit you out for a minute because I'm like, we're not doing this. And I think that has been the grace of God on my life. Of even some of the ailments I've had, of just being able to embrace slowing down and humble myself in that way. Of wow, God, I can get so caught up in trying to do everything and make everything happen by myself and pushing myself further and further to a point of exhaustion and not excellence and actually honoring you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Where where it's like that'll become a problem if that becomes a pattern. And so I'm thankful that God has kind of just broken that up in my life with pregnancy, because now I I feel this freedom of being allowed to rest. Me allowing myself. No, it's not that anyone, nobody didn't allow that for me. Right. But giving myself the freedom and the grace to be able to honor Sabbath. This is the first time in my life where I've been intentional, like since getting pregnant, where I put in my schedule, which sounds silly, I have scheduled, like, this is my Sabbath day. I have it every week. I have it every week.

SPEAKER_05

Come on. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it's not just like, okay, I'll get to it in two weeks when I can finally take a break. But it's like I have forced that into my schedule and now I'm like, I'm never going back. I'm like, this is so great to have a Sabbath hour in my day, a Sabbath day in my week. And I learned this from Jefferson Bethke.

SPEAKER_00

Come on.

SPEAKER_02

Like a Sabbath, I think it's like he does like a Sabbath weekend every quarter or something.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02

Or a Sabbath week every quarter. I don't know. I forget. But I'm doing a Sabbath day every week, and I make sure I take just an hour to do nothing every day. And that's usually sleeping. Cause I need that physical rest right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been so good to just live in that surrender, not fall into slothfulness and not fall into striving. Sure, sure. But to be in this healthy rhythm and balance of work and rest that honors God.

SPEAKER_00

Both honoring God. And and with him.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

With him. Because I think the the temptation, the tendency is, you know, with different deadlines, with different times to be at uh at an interview or a podcast event or a conference, those are never going to be the same every week, right? Yeah. But to still honor, but this time right here is for me and God to connect. And you're working from rest, not to rest because you're depleted.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that's so important for us to hear, Kirby. Like you saying that, because I think there's a lot that, well, first of all, I think the temptation's always there. Let's just call it what it is. But I think there's a lot of people who feel like, well, when I get to this level or this season or this time period with my business or product or whatever it is, fill in the blank, then I will rest. And it's like, but you don't, first of all, you don't know when that is. And number two, God didn't call you to do that to deplete yourself.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

That's not his will. And Jesus didn't do that. Jesus walked everywhere. Jesus fulfilled every messianic prophecy in three years and walked. Why do we feel like we got a sprint from thing to thing to thing? Like you said, it is more of like an American Western kind of a mindset that we have we have promoted and even like celebrated. Man, she's hustling. Or he's hustling.

SPEAKER_02

Celebrate the burnout. It's like, why?

SPEAKER_00

We'll celebrate the burnout and then be surprised when people burn out. Exactly. At the same time.

SPEAKER_02

It's like, but it's like we're called to burn, right? Like Holy Spirit fire. And it's like we're celebrating burnout. Come on, and we're making that so normal. And it's like as someone who's walked through burnout, where it's like, I don't even know what to create, I don't even know what to post. I don't, it's like, because I have not actually taken time to rest and recharge with God. Because just like you said, it is out of out of our rest that we should be inspired to work and excited and motivated and ready to work, and not out of our exhaustion that we're like, I can't wait to rest. I mean, I feel like that right now because that's the season I'm in. Sure. And there's you know, nuance to all of them.

SPEAKER_00

Also about to have a baby. There's literally some nuances there, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Literally. Yeah. But yeah, I know I interrupted you, but no, this was no, this is great.

SPEAKER_00

I'm I'm glad that you you you cut in like that. I think I think that's that's just what my point in all that was. I think it's super important to identify the importance of Sabbath and rest. I think a lot of times we talk about that like a really amazing spiritual concept that we all agree needs to happen, but we don't practically make it happen.

SPEAKER_02

We like only attribute it to Old Testament Israeli culture. Yeah, like even the Jewish culture still today celebrates Sabbath and and integrates that in their life. And I remember in 2018, I went on a trip to Israel and we did a Sabbath, and it was so interesting being in the actual culture where it was like every business is shut down right now. The like the everyone is resting, everything is resting, nothing is working right now. Like even the elevators stop on every floor, so you don't push a button, kind of thing. And it was so interesting to be like, this is a lifestyle for them. But here in America, it never stops. And so I think we really have to fight to instill that rhythm in our life, especially if you are the CEO, the overachiever, the freelancer. Like, I get that. My husband and I both get that.

SPEAKER_03

I get it.

SPEAKER_02

But it's something that you really have to fight to integrate. And as silly as it sounds, it's like following Jesus is costly. And maybe the cost for you is sacrificing some of the striving or the areas that you feel like you have to make up for and actually integrate rest so that you can make room for God to move and do what he wants to do.

SPEAKER_00

That's what I was gonna say. And the element of faith in that gets taken away when we don't trust him enough to rest. Because we think that that next 24-hour period where I could be doing more is gonna somehow scale this thing even further. When it's like, what if God wants to do exceedingly and abundantly more than you can ask or think from your rest?

SPEAKER_02

He's our provider.

SPEAKER_00

Like, yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

That's what it comes down to at the end of the day is do you trust him to provide in that way?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And I think the other side of that is trusting God, God, and his provision and his his plans and him to show up and be faithful. He will, he's faithful.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But we also have to be a good steward. I think having a Sabbath in my life has made me a better steward of my time. Talk about it, of my finances, of everything. Like when I say time, who I'm hanging out with, how I'm spending time in the Word, spending time with my husband, my work, not scrolling on my phone and giving into distractions, you know, making sure that there is a time and a place for everything in my life. And that requires forethought. That requires work. That requires bringing God into that of what do you want my day and my week to look like? So, as much as Sabbath and rest and having that rhythm in our life teaches us about God's provision, it also teaches us about how we're handling what we've been provided and stewarding that.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So that's another area of check that we need to, we need to check. We need to bring before the Lord and be like, all right, God, like, what do you need to call me out on? What do I need to refine? What do I need to surrender or sacrifice or take upon myself? Uh, and that can be hard. It can be hard to actually reorient your life to honor the Lord.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. And I just want to look right in this camera real quick and just say, this is absolute gold that we're getting right now. But I would just, I would just commission, challenge, and just submit to you. If you find yourself looking at your calendar and there's tension with when to have a Sabbath, it might be time to reorient yourself back to the Lord, number one, and practically to look at your schedule. Because if there's tension every single week in that, that's probably a good indicator that's time to shift some things around and to steward your time better. I've definitely felt that where I'm like, oh, I didn't feel like I could rest this week because I got these three things that didn't get done. It's like, well, when I was scrolling, like you said, it's like, well, what while I was on social media, I could have done that.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

SPEAKER_00

So it's not like I didn't have time.

SPEAKER_02

When I was binge watching Survivor, I'm like, oh yes. Two hour episodes. Yikes.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I think something important you said too. Uh, and then I'd love to talk about your your new book for the remainder of our time. But something you said, real quick, that I just want to honor. Shout out to your husband, Richard. Uh, I've not met him. I look forward to meeting him at some point. I would love that be honored, but just how you you've talked about him today and even in your content of just how pivotal he's been to support what God has put in you and you know, to hold you accountable, like you said as well. Like, I think that's beautiful. My wife does that for me as well, where she's support, but she's also like, hey, babe, watch out. Yep. Because I'm a I'm a go, go, go, like people person. I'm in the things all the time. And she's like, but how are you really? Yep. And it even things like, hey, we got date night coming up. Let's be sure we don't miss that. Yep. Let's be sure we're stewarding that well. We don't just treat it like something that can just be moved on the calendar, but no, it is happening.

SPEAKER_02

Priority.

SPEAKER_00

It is a priority. It's something that we are doing. So I say all that to say, shout-outs to your husband for modeling that for other men. Because I think even in this, too, and I'll say this quickly, but I think sometimes too, you know, being able to be a husband that stewards a wife that is so forward-facing in a lot of ways. Sometimes, if we're honest, humble where we talk about the real self, I think there's a lot of insecurity that rises up in men that is not on our wives. It is on the husband to take that before the Lord, not be intimidated about what he's put in his daughter. And for husbands to steward that as that is our wives. So shout outs to Richard for doing that well for you. Because I see that.

SPEAKER_02

We could do a whole podcast on Richard. Actually, I love him so much. I really do. And not just love him, I respect him so much. Like actually respect him as like the head of our home.

SPEAKER_00

Come on.

SPEAKER_02

The leader of our family. And I don't feel like in any way he has diminished what God has called me to do. And I think that's really important, especially for women who have like a ministerial calling on their life, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_05

Sure.

SPEAKER_02

Um, I remember that kind of not being a fear of mine, but just being one of those things where it's like, you know what? Like women are called to submit to their husbands and and respect their husbands in that way. Men are called to love their wives with a literal sacrificial love. There's a whole thing that we can get into about that another time. But with Richard, I it is never felt like I am overstepping him or that he is diminishing what God has called me to do.

SPEAKER_00

Come on.

SPEAKER_02

If anything, he is he is such a great leader. I trust submitting my ministry and everything that God has called me to do under his umbrella. Like I trust him to lead me well as I lead other people. Come on. And that's that's because he submitted to God, like actually submitted to the Lord and loves me so well. It's so easy to trust him. It's so easy to submit. Like there have been times where he's like, I don't think that you're supposed to do that. And it's not like a authoritative, you know, dominance kind of thing at all. But it's like you said, I see you, you know, I'm consulting the Lord on this. I don't think that this is the wise or right time for these things. And that's been a humility check for me, where I've had to kind of be like, okay, maybe he's seeing something that I'm not seeing right now. And I'm gonna trust him in this. And if he's wrong, he's wrong. And if I'm wrong, I'm wrong. And he's gonna love this part, he's gonna clip this and put this on socials. He's usually right. He is. When he tells me, like, you need to slow down, you need to stop doing these things. Like, because he sees me from a point of view that nobody else does. And he understands the gravity of what God has called me to do. And I'm thankful for that because I wouldn't be able to do what I do without him. And that doesn't even, it's not like he's like insanely involved in everything that I do. I mean, he edits and he helps me so much with all those things. But it's like, I'm the one like making my messages and putting out my content. But it's like none of that would be as effective without his leadership in my life. Like his leadership has been the biggest form of support in everything I've been called to do. Well, it sounds like I want to give him his flowers.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, you you definitely did. Shout outs to Richard. You're you're amazing. Thank you for being who you are and submitting to the Lord. Sounds like we need to have you back to do something on marriage, is what it sounds like.

SPEAKER_02

You need to have him on. He can talk about many things.

SPEAKER_00

I would love to have him on if time permits and it honors the schedule. But but my friend, you've written not one, but two books now. And I just want to speak about You Could Be Free. Like that book was so good. I've read so many books that have talked about uh strongholds and addiction and different things like that. And they've all been great, they've all been pivotal for my life and even to help others. I what I love about yours, you you've hit on a lot of things that other people have covered theologically, um, even weaving your story in and out through the whole thing of that book. What I love though is you talked about a lot of things within a modern day context, not something that happened like 50 years ago. And I think a lot of people, the disconnect is okay, what does that look like in 2026 though?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So I love, and I know you you wrote it a couple years ago, but I but I love that it had more of a modern spin on but here's what this practically could look like in your life on how to get free, as well as all of the theology behind strongholds and things. So thank you for being brave enough to write that book. For so many people that myself included that have battled addiction and struggled with different things, like it it is literally the title of the book, but you can be free. And I even think that for people is like something you gotta get through what you talk about. Like, do you even believe that you can be free? So thank you, thank you for doing that. That book is incredible.

SPEAKER_04

I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, and your new book, yeah, The Fabric of Hope. You know, I'm so thankful I've gotten the opportunity to read it. Yes, The Fabric of Hope.

unknown

We love it.

SPEAKER_00

I'm so I'm so honored I've gotten a chance to read it. Another incredible just body of work of yours. And I can literally just You know, I'm I'm hearing you talk right now in this episode, and I'm like, I could see your heart through the pages of that book, of even just how you're you're communicating right now. But I'd love to just ask you, like, you know, I've I've seen you, you know, kind of talk about on social media and stuff like that, but just for our listeners and our our viewers, what led to you being like, well, first of all, do I even believe what I'm about to write? Like, do I believe that? And then leading to, hey, I'm actually gonna trust the Lord to put this book out.

SPEAKER_02

Such a good question. Because for the people who don't know, the book, it's called The Fabric of Hope, How God Weaves Redemption into Every Season.

SPEAKER_00

Come on. And can you show them one more time? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I know it's like a pretty girly cover, but boys get it too.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, it's good. I will vouch for that. It's good.

SPEAKER_02

Thanks. I appreciate it. Um man, I really, I really believe this book. I believe what this book is about, what it teaches us about God as a redeemer of everything. Like, that's what the whole Bible is about. It is a picture of God redeeming his people unto himself. And I know that we can kind of like read scripture sometimes very like isegetically, where it's like, I'm David and this is my Goliath. And it's like, maybe not every story in scripture applies like that to our life, but we can we can be in situations where that's very applicable and all that. Um, but what I mean is the whole point, we read the Bible and it's about God redeeming his people. But those of us who are in Christ, we are God's people and we can have that same hope that he can bring redemption to our stories, the parts that we willingly bring to him and invite him in on to actually have his hand over and to have authority over, to come into the really painful parts, whether it's stuff from our past, whether it's what we're going through right now, whether it's the thing that we buried in the back of the closet that we don't want anybody digging through everything and finding. Um I I really believe that. And for me, where this book came from, or what really like sparked this book as oh, this is going to be book number two, was when my mom died back in 2023. And that was crazy because it was one of those seasons, and maybe you've gone through something like this, or someone listening has, where it's like, this is the best season of my life. Like I was graduating with my master's in theology. I was, I had just turned in the manuscript for my first book, You Can't Be Free. And it was like, life is so good. Like I feel like this is the season. And then it's I get a phone call the day after Mother's Day saying, Are you the decision maker? And I'm like, What? And it's like my whole world just completely unraveled, completely. And within the span of four days, it went from like walking across the stage and you know, cap and gown and every the world is my oyster, um, to getting a phone call. And then four days later, my mom me holding her hand as she died, like in my arms, basically. And it's one of those things where it's like, where is God in this? And I think we've all gone through a season or situation where we've asked that question of God, where are you? And what are you doing, or what are you not doing? Like, why? The fun fact, I was actually going to title the book, Why God. Um, and that has like a double entendre to it. This is the theology behind the book. So y'all are learning this. Come on, I love it. The theology behind it is why God, why would you allow this to happen? Like, why? But also, why God? Why am I choosing God in the midst of all this?

SPEAKER_05

It's good.

SPEAKER_02

Why am I tethered to him when it feels like everything is unraveling in my life? And I feel like that has been the story of my life, with both of my parents uh struggling with addiction, my dad dying from his addiction when I was 10 years old, being bullied, going through self-harm and suicidal thoughts and ideations, just living normal life, going through assault, um, the death of my mom, and even the life of my mom when she was still actively going through recovery and then binging, and then recovery and binging. It was just, there were so many and having chronic illness, like chronic migraines, where it's like my doctors are like, just take a pill. And I'm like, but what's the problem? Where it's like these moments where it's been like, God, where are you? Why is this happening? If you're so good, then why is this my story right now? And I think when my mom died, it it really solidified something for me. And it's that God is good. And that sounds strange. Not because she passed away, but because God is good no matter what. And his goodness, his goodness was still evident in the middle of one of the worst seasons of my life of grieving my mom. Even now, it's like I'm still grieving my mom while becoming a mom. And it's weird. I was reading the audiobook for this the other day. And I told you I recorded a chapter and I had like snuck coming down my face, and I was so disgusting. Uh, and it's they're using it, so you'll be able to hear it. You'll be able to hear, oh, Kirby's like bawling her eyes out in the studio right now. Because I have a whole section in there where I'm like, and one day when I become a mom, it's gonna be so weird for my mom not to be here. And I'm like reading that a couple, like a year removed from writing it, just like, wow, God, I'm in that season right now. Like my book is ministering to me right now. Of just how God really is the one who brings hope. Because a lot of us believe or use the word hope to be this like wishful thinking, where it's like, I hope I get a good parking spot. I hope I win the lottery, you know, I hope that this book sells really well. But that hope is is just wishful thinking. And it's like, I can't control that outcome. I don't, I don't know what to really base it on. But biblical hope, the hope that we get to have is confident expectation that is rooted in God's character, his promises, and his faithfulness.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, Hebrews 11, one.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like it is our faithful God that we get to hope in. And so the the four like pillars really that I kind of like base this whole book on is that we get to hope in God's promises, we get to hope in his patterns, we get to hope in his personhood, we get to hope in his presence. And it's those things that we get to hope in, not our circumstance, not ourselves, not other people, not broken systems and societies and all these things. It's like those things we can put maybe some hope in, but it can't fully hold up the weight of your hope, the weight of your trust. But God can. And sometimes that doesn't look like the outcome that we expected or prayed for. Sometimes it doesn't look like God's will going our way on our timeline. But what I have learned in my whole life, the seasons without God that I eventually brought him into, and the seasons with God where he was present with me, was that when he was involved, he was able to weave together everything that felt completely torn apart. And so I'm really hoping that this book, hoping, uh, I have a genuine, confident expectation that this book is going to help people see within their own stories and traumas and everything, that God really is big enough to go back in and start redeeming and rewriting the chapters we maybe closed or said, This is it, this is this part of my story. And it's like, maybe you need to give it to God and see if he actually wants to rewrite something better. Because he really can. Look at the Bible. Look at how all these people's stories ended up being resolved when they submitted and committed to the Lord and brought him in. And that's the invitation for everyone who who reads this book. And um, I'm not trying to like gaslight anybody's grief or sugarcoat anybody's suffering. I'm meeting people right there in the middle of it, like, me too, fam, been there, but God has done that. You know, He did something different. So that's the heart of the book.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, 100%. And I just want to take a moment and just say my condolences to your mom. Thank you. Um, uh it's like as you allude to, um, you're still walking that out. You're still grieving, grieving how how much your your mom meant to you. And you know, thankfully, you've seen God be able to restore a tough season. Yes, not just to leverage it to help others, but to help you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

To for your trust to to grow deeper in him. So that way you can have the sentiment and the truth that he is good. Yeah. Uh, but I just want to say, like, I even again, you're reading this and and hearing you talk about it, and just I'm like, man, that's that's tough. And thank you for being so vulnerable to say, like you said, I'm meeting you in your mess with my own mess. Yeah. I think sometimes we could talk about even and all the theology that you have in the book is phenomenal. It's fantastic. That's great, but I think that partnered with the vulnerability of, but also I've walked through a ton of things.

SPEAKER_02

This is why I know this to be true. Yes. Here is what is true, but here's why I know it to be true. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And I think that's important for people because I think sometimes it's like, oh, you could talk about this from theory, but have you lived it? And you're like, I've lived it. I've lived it. And that oh man, the the becoming a mom while grieving your mom. Like, I think while that that is tough, that is a tension. I think what you're also helping, though, people to realize is the tension of the now and not yet, but also the tension of two things can be true. Absolutely. Which is I am grieving, this is hard, this sucks, and I'm so excited for what God's doing in this new life.

SPEAKER_01

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00

Like, how is that just on that vein of becoming a mom? Like, how has that realization been for you? Like you said, you read your your book again, you're like, oh, I wrote this a year ago, but I'm it's ministering back to me. But how how have you even seen the beauty of God in that of reading that again?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Well, it really just starts when I took the pregnancy test, really. I think when my mom died, and maybe this is just because how I I've lived my whole life, I feel like I, being the child of two addicts, maybe someone out there can relate to this. Where I feel like I have not only grieved my whole life, but I've pre-grieved my whole life. Where it's like, I'm already grieving the loss of my dad with his drinking. I'm already grieving the loss of my mom with her drinking. And then when she died, it's like, well, now I'm in the grief of her dying with my dad. Now I'm in the grief of him being dead. And both are heavy and hard. And so when my mom died, I already began grieving. This sounds weird. I already began grieving becoming a mom. And it's like, that's not something a lot of people grieve, the idea of becoming a mom. But what I mean by that is I was grieving number one, the idea of, well, when I become a mom, my mom will not be there. And I'm in this season where it's like all my friends are having their babies now, you know, I'm 29. I just turned 29, literally yesterday. I'm like, how old am I? But it's like my friends are having all their babies and everything. And it's like their moms are there. And that's such a special connection. Cause it's like, I actually relate to you in a different way right now.

SPEAKER_05

Right.

SPEAKER_02

And I was already grieving that, just like, wow, this sucks. Like, I'm going to miss out. Because grief isn't just I'm grieving what I had, I'm grieving what I don't have now. And even when my mom was alive, I was grieving what I didn't have with her because of her alcoholism. And becoming a, or the idea of becoming a mom, I was already just grieving that. I was grieving, you know, okay, I'm I'm going, I'm going to feel alone. I'm going to be this. I'm going to be that. It was just a lot of doom around something that's supposed to be so joyful and celebratory.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And it was weird. It was really weird to navigate that. But when I found out that I was pregnant last year, 2025, um, I remember taking the pregnancy test because my husband looked at me, he's like, I was like having all these weird symptoms. He's like, You should take a pregnancy test. I think you might be pregnant. I was like, Yeah, right. And I take the test and I look, and it's like the faintest second line. And I was like, huh? So I took another one. And I remember looking at them and just being filled with joy.

SPEAKER_04

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

I'm probably gonna cry.

SPEAKER_04

It's okay.

SPEAKER_02

But that was the only emotion I felt. And I remember just being so surprised by that because what I expected was to feel alone and scared and another whole flood of grief over me. Like I was, I was just like preparing for a a coming trauma that I thought would come. Um, but when I took those tests and I only felt joy, it like took me a second to realize, wait, I'm only feeling happy right now. And I just thanked the Lord. I thanked the Lord that this was going to be a really beautiful season. And I I think what solidified that for me too was um, I think it was like a month or two before I took the test. I remember having just a moment with God. I was like reading through scripture, and it just felt like there was like something, something different was coming. And I think it's her. Honestly, I feel like she's like the bow of redemption to this season for me. Where I felt like the Lord told me one day in my quiet time with him, I'm bringing you into your spring. And I felt like I was just in such like a long, dark, cold winter for a long time because of grief with my mom. But when I found out that I was pregnant, you know, there's still some grief there because I'm like, of course I still wish my mom was here.

SPEAKER_00

Sure.

SPEAKER_02

But it really has only been so overwhelmingly joyful knowing, thank you, overwhelmingly joyful, knowing that God is like redeeming a part of my story where it's like my mom isn't here, but I get to bring the best parts of her into this season of being a mom to now my daughter. Yeah. But I also get to bring God into this and parent her in the ways that I wish I was parented. And so I'm already seeing God redeeming something where it was like, oh, my mom died. I didn't get to really fully experience like this full restoration and redemption. And and I grieved that, but now I'm like, oh, the redemption of this story looks different now, and it's by this new life coming. Kind of makes me think of the story of Ruth with Naomi, where it's like literally her husband and her sons die, and she's like, Call me bitter. Like, I like, are you kidding me? And she's like, you know, like God has abandoned me. Like I am empty. Like, what? And then the story ends with her holding a baby boy. And it's like, there's this full circle of redemption in the story of Ruth and Naomi, really. And I'm like, I feel like that's kind of where I'm at, where it's like, I'm getting redemption in my story in a way I didn't expect. And it's really beautiful. And I know that it's only going to be more beautiful. It'll also be hard, right? It's not easy. Um, but I'm already seeing God's redemption in this, where I'm like, I'm literally in my spring. My book is coming out in the spring, my baby's coming out in the spring. I feel like I'm just blossoming in this season of life. It has been the greatest gift from God, the most unexpected gift, really.

SPEAKER_00

Come on. And I it's so so beautifully said, everything you just you just walked us through. And my prayer for you, I'm sitting here and I just feel like I just feel like the Lord wants me to tell you this. Like, my prayer for you is that you will continue to heal through your baby. Yeah. And as you mother, as you care, as you and Richard take pictures and you're there for all the firsts and all those moments that every parent looks forward to, that that will also be a part of your healing journey with your mom. That's my prayer for you. Thank you. And I know God will do it, but I and I, to your point, He's already been doing it. Yeah. You're already seeing that. And you are in your spring, my friend. That is that is incredible.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it took a it took a lot of time to get there though. You know, there's people I can imagine. There's people probably today who are like in their this perpetual season where it's like, will it ever get better? And I know it's easy to hear somebody say like it will, and it's like, okay, but my life sucks right now.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But it's like seasons have purpose. Like we we think that like, oh, the win winter sucks. Like it's everything's dead and it's cold. But it's like that's also that was also a season for me of of deep rest with God, where it's like, I just need to sit and lament and like water the earth with my tears, you know?

SPEAKER_00

Come on. But now it's the old Jeremiah stuff.

SPEAKER_02

Literally, the weeping prophet and my sackcloth and ashes. Like literally coming out with a new line, guys. But it was it, it it was so necessary in many ways of me being pruned and just like getting raw and real with God. That's great. To now that I'm in a place where it's like things are beginning to actually flourish and bloom, it's like that cold dark time of my life was very necessary. Although I wish I didn't have to go through it. There was a there was a lot of necessary things that happened in that time that prepared me for where I am right now.

SPEAKER_00

100%. Yeah. Yeah, it's so good. And I when I was reading this, um, you know, to be able to talk about it with you and be able to have context, the one of the things I kept thinking about was even that imagery of the the wordplay. First of all, why god, why god would have also been dope. So thanks. But but the fabric of hope, I think, is great because I literally kept imagining as I was reading this fabric that I can actually pull on. Yeah. That literally goes to the heart of the father. And it's safe enough to pull it. It's not gonna, you know, fray in my hands. Like this fabric that I can actually hold on to is the imagery I kept getting. So thank you for being led to write this. And April 7th, y'all. Get it. You can pre-order it now, but it's going to drop April 7th. So please, please, please get a copy. Buy the book, y'all. Buy the book and get it for a friend because I believe it's going to be a blessing for you, but also for them. Kirby, thank you so much. Any final thoughts today of just anything you want to say at all?

SPEAKER_02

I'll I will end on this note. This is my favorite. This is like the anchor verse for the book. Come on. And I love it. And if you're just like, I need to spend some time with God after this, meditate on this verse for a minute. Uh, but it says in Romans 15, 13, may the God of hope, first of all, yes, that's who he is.

SPEAKER_03

I love this verse.

SPEAKER_02

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. So I love that. I just love that the very first thing that we get off of this is that we have an identifying statement about who God is. He is the God of hope. Yes. So if you feel like you're hopeless today and you're in a season where it's like, will this ever get better? Has God abandoned me? Will I ever see redemption in this? What good could come from it? He is the God of hope. And as we trust in him, that's where the joy comes from. That is where the explainable, inexplainable peace comes from. That is where we are able to overflow with hope. It is by the power of the Holy Spirit that abiding and that tethering to him in both our praises and our laments.

SPEAKER_05

So good.

SPEAKER_02

So I just want to leave y'all with that today to chew on Romans 15, 13.

SPEAKER_00

Come on. Period. I love it. Thank you so much for being a part of this today. Thanks for blessing us with literally your life. Like it's not just content, it's your life. Yeah. And exposing yourself in such a way where you're walking out your healing, but so that way others can be healed too. Thank you so much for doing that. Um, well, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Listen, if you're looking for someone to emce your event, uh come to your leadership conference, need someone to come speak or preach for you, Kirby is absolutely available. Um, she's gonna take a little time off because she's a mom, a new mom. Yeah, hit her up around August uh by myself. I'm available as well for anything. We just want to partner with you and whatever you're doing through your church or organization to be able to help people see Jesus in a brand new, fresh, and transformative way. Thank you guys for watching, and until next time, peace. Thank you so much for checking out this episode of the Humble Podcast. And here's my prayer is that something that was shared through the content today resonates with you in a way that changes your life. And I could actually use your help with something. While you're watching this, would you mind subscribing to what we're doing on YouTube? As you do that, that helps other people to be able to see and value what we're doing, just like you do. But also tap that bell icon so you never miss an episode. Next, if you are listening on Spotify and on Apple, leave us a review or comment so that way other people can see what God is doing. And lastly, I would love to invite you into the Patreon community. Simply go to patreon.com slash humble podcast and you can become a patron where you can financially support what we're doing. That gives you access to perks and rewards and like special QA's and different things like that that I'm doing. So that way this community can actually be one where we foster vulnerability and we talk about our real stories and our real journeys with Jesus. Thank you so much for doing that, and I cannot wait to see you next time.