How to Perform Under Pressure and Trust Yourself Again as an Entrepreneur with Emma Gibbs-Ng

In this episode of Unshakeable Talks, Katy is joined by Emma Gibbs-Ng, performance coach and host of the Confessions of an Unapologetic Rebel podcast. Emma works with athletes, performers and high-profile leaders to help them regulate pressure, trust themselves again and perform at their best when the spotlight is on. In this episode, they talk about losing yourself while chasing success, the pressure entrepreneurs quietly carry, and why learning to stabilise your nervous system might be the missing piece between talent and true performance.

Key Takeaways:

Trust yourself first

So many entrepreneurs lose momentum when they start outsourcing their authority to other people’s opinions. Reconnecting with your own instincts may be the turning point that helps you reclaim your voice and direction.

Pressure isn’t about confidence

What most people call a confidence problem is actually a pressure problem. Learning how your nervous system holds and processes pressure can completely change how you perform in high-stakes moments.

You can lose yourself chasing success

Even when you build your own business, it’s easy to start conforming to industry rules that don’t feel right. Emma opens up about how trying to ‘do it the right way’ left her disconnected from who she really was.

The moment after success matters most

There’s plenty of support for preparing for big moments, but very little for what happens afterwards. Emma explains how the emotional comedown after a big win or performance can be just as important to navigate as the moment itself.

Your desires are evidence

If a dream keeps coming back to you, it’s not random. Emma believes those desires are signals from your future self - proof that you’re capable of achieving far more than you currently believe.

If you enjoyed this episode - you can connect with Emma on Instagram @Emmagibbsng and listen to more on her Podcast ‘Confessions of an Unapologetic Rebel’ here.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Unshakeable Talks! If this episode helped you, make sure you hit subscribe so you never miss an episode, and leave a review to share your thoughts - I love hearing from you. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to the Unshakable Talks with me, Katie Schweiger. This is where we talk about the unshakable women behind the businesses. We are lifting the lid on what it really takes to run a business, to scale a business, to get into business while also creating a life you love. On the unshakable talks, we are all about talking about the conversations everyone is scared to talk about. We are really lifting the lid on what it really takes to become unshakable within business and life. Welcome to the unshakable talks. At today's episode, I'm speaking to Emma. And Emma is the podcast host of the unapologetic rebel, and she also coaches people in the spotlight to regulate her body and to really learn how to deal with the pressure which comes with being in the spotlight. This is a really interesting episode, so make sure you watch it. Welcome to the Unshakable Talk, Emma. I'm so pleased to have you here. I'm so excited. I thought this is gonna be a good episode, but before, cheers. Cheers. Finally, someone who wants to have a little bit of bubble with me. Cheers. So I've met you first on a number of events, I believe, if I remember correctly. And then you invited me onto your podcast, which I was very nervous about, I'm not going to lie. But actually, having this conversation with you, we have you like, I know. We really hit it off, didn't we? So I was like, oh my god, she is such she's my wife, she's so I loved the unapologetic warners and authenticity about you. So I'm so pleased to on my podcast today. I'm so excited. So this conversation's gonna be good. Your work is a little bit different. Yes, you're a coach, but um your audience is fairly different. But before we dive into this, I really would like to get to know Emma before because you have actually culprit background, don't you? You come from medical sales, yeah, yeah, yeah. So tell me a little bit about this. What have you done before, and like how did you transition within your work now?

SPEAKER_04 2:06

Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I was in medical sales for 14 years. Um, I've never been a nine-to-five girl. The thought of being in an office just scares the hell out of me. Um, and so I got into medical sales um in sports reconstruction, um, managed my own territory, had the freedom. It was it was really good until it wasn't. Yeah, I'm not very good at being told what to do. I don't like authority. Um, and so literally got promoted into sales training and um got married, and then literally three months later got made redundant, and it was brilliant because I'd been so miserable. I'd been travelling a lot, and so I was spending more time with my colleagues than I was my husband, and it was just it it wasn't great, and I wasn't particularly happy, but it was one of those I knew what I didn't want, but I I didn't know what I did, yeah, and then got made redundant, and it wasn't the the best timing because we were literally about to start trying for a family, but I just knew that I couldn't turn my back on this opportunity, and so I took the plunge.

SPEAKER_03 3:20

It came out of our time, didn't it?

SPEAKER_04 3:22

It did.

SPEAKER_03 3:22

Did you ever have a moment where you thought, shit, I've just not read the redundance because obviously, if you if you're planning for a family, um being actually in a secure employment, it's it's a huge bonus, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 3:34

I felt really selfish um because the right thing would have been for me to take the redundancy and get another job, yeah, and and you know, have that buffer, and I didn't, even though my husband wanted me to, and it was probably the first time that I've really been selfish and put myself first, and it did haunt me for a couple of years where it was like, Well, you chose to be self-employed, and of course, obviously, being self-employed, having a baby, you don't have maternity cover, and so there was all of those elements as well, but you never get these opportunities that often, and I just knew I needed to take it.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

That is very true, but it doesn't feel like it in the moment, isn't it? And especially when you get those rejections, um, well, you chose this path, you could have had it differently. Why are you complaining? Yeah, and especially, I don't know if you mind us talking about this when the resistance comes from your inner circle, i.e., your husband or your family. That's really hard, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 4:39

Yeah, really hard, really hard. And yeah, it it did put a little bit of a strain um on our relationship because you know I put us in a position where there was less security. And as someone who he does take risks, but he does he takes controlled risks. Yeah. And the thought of then suddenly him being the stable income, and then the whereas it used to always be me, that kind of turned the tables a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 5:18

So tell me what was the first thing you've done within your business? You've been made redundant, you've just gotten married, you were planning a family. Um, that's a really pivotal time within a woman's life, as it is. And now you decided to take the plunge on yourself, do what feels right for you, and do your own business. How did it look like?

SPEAKER_04 5:38

I didn't have a clue. I just knew that I wanted to run my own business. It was one of those, someone said to me, Oh, um, have you thought about life coaching? And I was like, No, and at the time I thought that sounds so American and fluffy, but I'll I'll have a look. And I remember Johnny going to work, and by the time he came back, I was still researching, and I was like, Oh my god, this is what I want to do. Um, I've always I love people, but um, I've got a past that has had quite a lot of trauma, and so the thought of people feeling vulnerable and I could actually help people really like appealed to me. Um, but I didn't know any of that really existed, and so I started like researching it and went and then got like qualified in NLP, hypnotherapy, all of that life and business coaching and stuff, and then the rest I guess was history, but it's evolved a lot. When I first started doing my training, I felt really exposed because when you're in corporate and when I was working with like JJ, you're just a worldwide ID. Yeah, they don't necessarily they don't give a shit, yeah. And all of a sudden, and I'd done a lot of work on my past, um, and then all of a sudden I was running my own business and I had nowhere to hide. And all eyes were on you, all eyes were on you, and every aspect of you, and it brought so much shit up completely. How did you navigate this? I used my training to as therapy. Perfect, it was amazing. I put myself forward for all of like um the the practices of all the techniques. That's why I'm having that, and yeah, and just really threw myself into it.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

So you really tried and tested what you're using with your class.

SPEAKER_04 7:31

Oh yeah, I know it works because where I look at where I was to where I am now. Definitely, and I'd even say it like it sounds a bit dramatic, but it kind of saved my life, actually, when I look back at how fucked I was through it all to what you you you probably just you just did life how you thought it you were meant to be doing life.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

You had the stable job, you got married, you planned children, it's like the the the the path we are expected to go down to.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

I mean you need dropout as well though. So I have always repeated I chopped out of many things, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

I mean that's a that's a story for another day, but yeah, I can I can really be like relate to this as well. But I think this also comes back to certainly for me, um if you are not happy within your environment and if you know you're made for more, you want something different than the traditional way, i.e. university or a copper job.

SPEAKER_04 8:27

Yeah, I've always I I remember saying there's gotta be more to life than this, and just having that like a searching feeling of like I'm not here just for this, I'm here for more. And I've always felt that everything that I've ever gone through happens for a reason. Yeah, it's got me through everything, but it's like everything's happened for a reason, and that reason isn't for me to be in medical sales, but it really wasn't, yeah. Um, and I know what I'm like, and I know that I do speak up and I say things that a lot of people don't necessarily say, and I wanted to be the voice for people who didn't have the courage to say the things they wanted to say initially, and so if by me sharing my story helped other people, then it made it all worth it. That was kind of the avenue that I started off.

SPEAKER_03 9:24

But it has transitioned into a slightly different path nowadays, hasn't it? Yeah, but it's evolved so much. It has even the I know you know, for probably 18 months or so, even in those 18 months, I have seen a huge shift within uh kind of your work and what you're doing, and I feel like you really kind of found yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:47

I didn't realise how much I lost myself, truly. Um it's interesting because I lost myself when we were trying to fall pregnant, yeah, badly. Um, and then I really lost myself about probab August when we were at the the go first. Yeah. That was probably around my lowest. I was literally in tears driving to that event just thinking, what the fuck? I don't know who I am anymore.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

It was just But you know that it's not that long ago. It wasn't that long ago. If you think about it, how much you things changed around in such a short period of time. And yes, um you described this moment where you where you felt like fuck, who am I? What am I doing? But what was the pivotal moment where you where you said I need to do things differently now? And what was it you started to do things differently?

SPEAKER_04 10:46

Um I just I think everyone has their limits, don't they? Uh I push my limits, I don't like giving up, I'm not a quitter. Um, but I just wasn't recognising myself, and I'm not a crier either, and there were too many tears. And I was just like, I'm just not happy. I'm not happy. Um, and I felt like I I've always been a really proud non-conformist, and suddenly I felt I was conforming and trying to be what the industry wanted me to be rather than who I am, and that's a subject you and me bonded over, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:29

And it's something so many women start to talk about it now. It's obviously it's very deep, it's like it looks differently for for everyone, but we just have for me. I would say we have this this this mission and this vision of how what we want to achieve, and we we almost cling to anything what could potentially bring us closer to this point, don't we? In the first instant, before we realise actually, this is not my way, this is not how I want to do it.

SPEAKER_04 12:03

No, and I wanted to set my own business up because I don't play by the rules, yeah. And all of a sudden, I was playing by the industry rules, and I was like, this is and I was like overthinking, is this right? You know, there was so many you would hear, oh that's wrong, this is wrong, whatever. And I'm like, had this conflict of like, but there's no better way than my way, and I know myself better than anybody else, and I know my vision, and yet I was then like, this is wrong, that's wrong. I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_03 12:34

So what were the things like the top thing or two things which really you caught yourself out being influenced, like in a negative way, or taking you off track of what you really wanted to do? What would you say?

SPEAKER_04 12:46

I start I lost my power, I started handing my power over to other people big time. Yeah, it was like I I'd lost the trust in myself, um, and so I was looking for the answers in other people, essentially. Yeah, um, and I'm not proud of that, and but at the same time, I don't I don't regret anything, I don't I don't regret anything anyway. Um and you know, it's taught me a lot, but um I thought I was still I thought I was rebelling. So this this journey to where I am right now probably started about two years ago, maybe longer actually, and um I thought, oh yeah, I'm being a bit more rebellious, a bit more me. And then I realized I still wasn't, they were still their performing part in like content or trying to get this right or that right, and it's just like this is just draining the fuck out of me, which is why I love my podcast. Yeah, because I just sit and I I don't prep, I just talk, and I just am so unfiltered, and it's my best me. And yet I wasn't showing that online because in my head I'd had too many people say it's gonna be done this way, you can't do it that way, blah blah blah. And of course, it's not their fault, it's my fault, but I was like stop I stopped trusting myself, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

You just had to become but almost we have to get to this point to realise what's really going on. Yeah, you have to kind of do wrong or do go down the wrong path to realise this is not for me, this is not what I want. Yeah, because there's this thing of but I mean we obviously both are coaches, we're coaching uh people. So to say, oh, you don't need a coach is it would be wrong of us to say because you absolutely do need a coach. I have a coach myself, I actually have two coaches myself, and there is um a huge time and place for coaching. But I think that the problem is is that is like you need to be really clear about what what it is you need and not what you think you need because other people told you this is what needs to be done.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Totally, and that's that's your responsibility. It's like if that was purely my responsibility, but it was all skew whiff because I was like I didn't even really know, I knew who I was, and I and my clients knew who I was, but in the the marketing and the social aspect of that, it wasn't coming through in the way that I wanted it to, and it really like I now do quite a lot offline, yeah. I've an oldest dad, yeah. I've always done quite a lot offline actually. Um, I've always had like various different contracts or something that where I've worked with um different companies and so on and so forth, but um literally in the last four or five months, I've really been I've had so many meetings in person, and my god, I didn't realise how much I needed it. And I walk in there and I'm me, and like I don't prep, I just trust in myself completely. I amaze myself every time I'm chatting. I'm like, fuck, that was so good. Like, where did that come from? And I'm just I'm remembering who I am.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Yeah, you feel comfortable in the environment as well, which just makes you be the top on top of your world game.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

I love people, I love people, I love being around people, and it can be very, very isolating when you're online, and so just like being in their company, I was like, oh my god, I've missed this so much. And I just bounce off people and play little games with myself sometimes, with like trying if I can see like read people's body language and stuff. And if I've had a you know, so many people say I've never planned to say that or I've never spoken about this in that way, I'd be a multimillionaire. Yeah, because people just I I seem to activate something in them, and I witnessed it properly over these last few months again because I was with them. Whereas obviously when you're online all the time, it's brilliant. I see people, but it's just not the same.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

You do have to affect her online as well, because our podcast recording I did with you, which was online, yeah, yeah. I very much went into this thinking, you know, I'm quite I can be quite opinionated, um, and I I'm not scared to say my opinion, but I was very much going into this um with certain aspects of can't say this because that probably comes across the wrong way. And I remember coming off your podcast uh recording, and I said to my husband, fuck, I'm not quite sure if I've done reverse for myself and my business because we had such a great conversation and I I didn't hold back at all. No, and it felt right, so you do have you do have that um effect on people.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Okay, so anyone's a TV show. This I love, but yeah, no, I I do, I just I am genuinely, it's not there's nothing ever forced. I know so much about I know so much more about my husband's family than he does because I naturally ask questions, and and I didn't realise how little questions other people ask. Um and yeah, I yeah, I just love it, but actually like going back to those meetings and just seeing myself I really missed myself, and I was like, there she is, there she is. Um and it wasn't necessarily confidence or or feeling proud or whatever, because but I did, I was like, that that is you, Em.

SPEAKER_03 18:45

That is you, and it's you are it's okay to feel proud about this.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

Yeah, but I think I was always proud of myself anyway, like I always but I wasn't liking parts of myself because um I was playing by the rules, and I don't like playing by the rules. No, you don't know, and I don't know who I am when I have to play by the rules because that's not who I am, and so it just felt all like funky and weird, and like what the fuck are you doing? Like, what are you doing? It's not it's a good question.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Let's talk about it. Yeah, you are allowed to swear, but let's talk about what you're actually doing because your clientelee is not just um any woman, you actually work with men as well, um, and you work with people in the spotlight. So tell me about your work, what you're doing, because it's quite niche, and I find this quite interesting. So tell me more about it.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

I've always so I grew up in sport, um, I was high-level on sport, I love sport, sport fascinates me, I can talk about it for hours. Um, and I was always trying to bring sport into my work, and really it was like I need to bring my work into sport. Um, and I just had this light bulb moment because I will lit I I just think it's such a perfect example of the work that I do, and it's a leader when it comes to um mindset work, pressure and performance, all everything that I'm doing, and people relate to it, and and if you are an athlete in any sport, if you haven't got a coach, you're seen as not taking yourself seriously enough, and I've always had coaches, and yet that the the view on coaches is getting better 100%, yeah, but is not the same. Like just I've always loved it. So, anyway, I had this like, why am I trying to bring that sport into where I am when I still felt like a square peg and a round hole? Why am I not taking me into there, into that industry? And the minute that I started thinking like that, it just all opened up. It was like, how has this taken that this long for me to realize this? And that's when I then started working and like having these in-person meetings with clubs and professionals, and just the whole conversation was so easy, and like so easy. It wasn't easy, yeah, but it felt so I felt like I'd come home. Sounds so shite, but I really felt like I'd come home.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

It sounds maybe sounds to some people cheesy, but it that's exactly what it boils down to, though, doesn't it? You were in your natural habitat, what you're passionate about, yeah. Um, and you could be your true self.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

Yeah, yeah. So and and actually, like I love women, but I have always worked with men, and I find men a lot easier, if I'm honest. Yeah, women. Men are much more easier than women. Yeah. And so that then allowed me to start working with a few more men again, and yeah, it just All started to naturally open up.

SPEAKER_03 22:03

And so your work is really, you describe it as well as the intersection between invent um identity, nervous system regulation, and mindset work. So if I would be an athlete, which I'm clearly not, but if I would be, um, just imagine. Um, what would be the general things you would help me culture for?

SPEAKER_04 22:31

So I work a lot with pressure. Um, so it isn't mindset, it's not sports psychology, it's really about the human behind the the system.

SPEAKER_03 22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:43

Um, and pressure doesn't really give a shit what you're doing. Yeah. But it will create a response within you. And every single one of us holds pressure and has pressure within our system. Um, and how our relationship is with it will determine how stable we are, which then determines how far we go. And a lot of it, like a lot of people speak about confidence, but it's really capacity of holding that level of pressure. And you can train all you want to score penalties, yeah. Yeah. But if you're stood there and it's the World Cup final, you've got 90,000 people in a stadium either chanting your name or chanting some shit about you or your family or something, because these fans do that. There's so much pressure on you. That's not down to skill and talent when you're stood taking a penalty. Yeah, that's down to how you hold yourself and how you come back to that. That's the piece that I work on with people. So you see, like a lot of athletes, you know, on the the start. I used to be a sprinter. Um, I love um sprint on Netflix. I don't know. I think me and you have spoken about this, but it was incredible because it follows the top five um fastest sprinters in men and women, 100-200. And just that alone just showed it wasn't about your physical ability, it's about your mental. And who can uh on that start line within 0.1 or two of seconds, they're pretty similar. They can all sprint, they can all run. The the one that becomes a champion is the one that can perform it and and stabilize the pressure of what a champion needs to perform at and to hot block out the noise, the distraction, the psychological press conference mind games. Never looked at it that way. All of that to be honest.

SPEAKER_03 24:35

That that's so interesting. So, what obviously I can I can see the relation to football and stuff like super easily because I'm I'm I'm not into football at all, but obviously fans are chanting either positive things or negative things, especially nowadays. So I I get all of this, and um, whatever noise you hear around you, it will always affect how you actually are performing in the end. So the pressure piece linking to your performance makes total sense. Never thought about it that way, to be honest. So that's I find it's quite interesting. But the average athlete you're working with, um, are you only working with athletes or are you you're working with people in the spotlight as well? Anyone who is like yeah, it's that visibility piece again though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 25:19

Visibility, totally, and a lot of what I do as well is there's so much support for getting you to the moment. Yeah, we're working towards the moment, the moment happens, the moment then goes, yeah. And you're left with uh what the fuck just happened moment, and this is where you have like the the hangover feelings, the come downs, the I don't feel like myself anymore, you want to go into hiding. There is very little support in the aftermath of anything, and I'm so passionate about that because you can lose yourself in that, especially you know, if you're on stage, you've got people like singing your songs, like your pedestals, you're like, oh my god, there's this you're a god, whatever, and you go back to your room and you're left with silence, and in your head, it's you will either like learn how to process that, or you will turn to drink spiral, spiral. You'll then be like, Oh, could have done that better, whatever. I mean, it's like I had um uh a really good photo shoot a couple of months ago, and came really remembered who I was and that, and I came home and for about two hours couldn't sleep. I was like, shouldn't have worn that outfit, that was wrong, should have done that a bit better, and we just because of the it's the come down, yeah, and it can be really debilitating if you don't know how to stabilize it. And I was speaking to um a professional golfer that I was working with, and we were talking about how it's a long walk between one hole to the next, yeah, and if you muck up on that hole and then you've got to walk to the next, there's a lot that goes on, but in theory you're just walking to another hole, yeah. And he said, Oh, you know, but I give myself 10 seconds to think about that, and then I park it. I said, Well, that's great if you process pressure in your mind, but if you hold pressure in your body, then it doesn't matter how much you park that door, it's in your system now, and so you go to the next next hole and you take that swing. That swing isn't quite as fluid, yeah, because that pressure is held in your system, and if you don't know how to stabilize that from one hole to the next, it's going to affect your performance.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

So, stabilizing the pressure. I know you're obviously working with uh people in the spotlight and athletes, but that really applies to all of us, all isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 27:53

Yeah, I I mean I still work with coaches as well.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

So, what would be your top tips for the listeners if they're listening and they're can and it really resonates with them what you're saying? What is what can we do to kind of um stabilize this pressure within ourselves? This is gonna be I want I want the gossip here, I want the tips because I'm definitely guilty of feeling the pressure.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

Um is knowing where it's understanding your pressure because so many people wrong themselves and look for solutions outside of themselves. Adapt. Although this is how I've always been. So they then make adapts adaptations for various different things. Understand I have created an um a pressure capacity audit. So this basically helps to um give insights into how pressure sits in your system, right? How it enters it, where it's stored, the impact that that then has on you, and then how you from your design, because we're all different, yeah, and we all hold pressure differently in different parts of our lives as well. Um, but it's understanding that it's the same with anything. If you don't know, you don't know what you don't know, yeah. And so when we understand what pressure looks like in your system, I'll then be able to help you to know what to stabilize, yeah. Um, uh what to neutralise, and also to help you become aware that actually it's you're not doing anything wrong at all. And and if you just make these few subtle changes, the problem is we we live in a a world that's so busy and so caught up in the doing, right? Yeah, and a lot of pressure requires slowness to regulate and complete, and when we're on a roll, we're on a roll, let's keep going on that wave, build that momentum, and your body hasn't had the chance to regulate and go, I'm safe here, and it's like trying to catch, and then your identity is trying to catch up, it's like you know, if people win the lottery, they often lose the money, yeah, because they haven't caught up with themselves, and so while momentum is great, if you can actually complete the process and allow your system to know it's safe here, let's keep going, and and you move that way, then you hold it far far easier and for a longer period. But if you're constantly like having an untrained nervous system, which a lot of us do, then eventually it's gonna lead to not burnout. People will say it's burnout, it's not, it's just re a dysregulated system that you're then trying to find the answers for, so you'll say, Oh, I'm burnt out, or I'm you know, sabotaging or whatever overbound, yeah, all of that. Um, and so it's just learning to actually know what your system, mind, body, energy side, dependent on where it sits within you, needs from you in order to allow you to keep going.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

And what would you say stops people from recognising this?

SPEAKER_04 31:08

We don't like to slow down and look at ourselves, we want to keep building momentum, and it's easier to find the answers in a physical thing or something else than within ourselves. And I mean, I hate slowing down, I I don't relax unless I'm on a sun lounger.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Yeah, and even that even then, my mind is going on if I'm relaxed, then my mind is got getting me creative and everything else.

SPEAKER_04 31:33

So I've got a 10-year-old, so you can't relax. I didn't, but yeah, we don't we we're we're designed, everything is on the move all of the time. And if someone says or slow down or this is linked with something within you, you're like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 31:50

There's nothing wrong with me, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:51

Um, and so even just like a few conversations I've been having recently, people know that they're under pressure, but they're looking for externals like hormones. Oh, my hormones are you know a bit off at the moment, or um, you know, various other things, and while yes, they will be playing a part, that isn't gonna solve an untrained nervous system. No, it will be pushing on the buttons and your and your collapse points, yes, and making it feel more heightened without a doubt. And so, yes, you can surface level sort this out by sorting your hormones out, for example, but that isn't training your nervous system, and so we're gonna keep going back and forth, back and forth until you you get it out.

SPEAKER_03 32:37

See, the other thing I would say is in my mind what stops people is the excuse of time, yeah. They don't feel A, they don't feel it's important enough right now to really look inwards and do the inner work they need to be doing, yeah. And then the next excuse is time. I haven't got time to do that. When I have time, when I achieved X, YZ, when I've done this, then I will do that.

SPEAKER_04 33:02

Oh, it pisses me off when people say that I have more time. It's but it is the yeah, it's so true. They will always have time for Netflix, their their average on their phone is gonna be horrendous, I imagine. But it it's it's the relationship with it all as well, I think, because we are naturally wired to do, and it is a foreign thing to actually just because we don't want to be seen as being lazy, yeah, or you know, we've got stuff to do, so this needs to wait because I'm I'm on my mission to to millions or you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah. Forgetting that you it's you that's gonna determine that. Like if you're running on empty, yeah, absolutely. You're no good to anybody.

SPEAKER_03 33:48

I always say it starts and ends with you. Yeah, that's what I always say, and the moment you realise this, and actually every time you kind of catch yourself in neglecting you, remind yourself of this. This is really where the sweet spot is. Yeah, I think people need to start you um really treating your personal OI like your business OI. That that's what I always say.

SPEAKER_04 34:10

Oh, 100%. I'm all for the human behind anything, but it's the most selfless thing you can do is look after yourself. Yeah, but uh everyone thinks it's selfish. And um it's like with Max, my son, ever since I've had him, I exercise because I I like fitness, but I do it for my mental health, and so I would put him in the in the um cock, yeah, and I'd exercise around him. He's known for 10 years, mummy exercises every day. Uh, and only on the oddest occasion where he'll say, Oh Mummy, do you have to? And I'm like, Yes, yes, but I'll take my phone. But he knows that because I know I'm a better mum. Yeah. If I exercise I'm a better wife, I'm a better coach, I'm a better friend, and so it's my non-negotiable, and I'm quite happy with that. Yeah, um, but I think we're scared to put boundaries in place sometimes or to take time out for ourselves because we don't want to be seen as selfish or up our own ass or you know, you know, any other bullshit stuff that we will tell ourselves or make ourselves think if we've got boundaries, or you know, we're actually looking after ourselves. Yeah, they'll think, oh, who's she?

SPEAKER_03 35:30

I think being selfish is one of the most beautiful things you can do for yourself personally. I really had to learn this, I'm not going to lie, because also we are conditioned by people around us, how we've been growing up and everything, to not be selfish and selfish always being selfish always has a negative tint to it. But um, I think once you master this, um being extra selfish and putting yourself first, this is to be selfish. I don't think it's selfish at all. And I think it's what it is, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

So many, so many people. If I've not exercised, I'm twitches and I'm like, yeah, not that I'm obsessed, but I know I'm a better person for it, and everyone benefits from that. Absolutely. And so, how can it be selfish? It's really not, and so that that going back to to your question, like with you know, the pressure side, it's because it's a it's your system, yeah. I also think education-wise, I don't think so many people necessarily know, and I think because society is so focused on the doing that we're all naturally searching for the answers outside of ourselves, yeah, um, and the ex like the the validation or the justification for something, and of course, it's so much easier to blame someone else.

SPEAKER_03 36:49

To blame someone else, absolutely, it's so much easier to blame someone else than look inwards, so much easier.

SPEAKER_04 36:54

It's also safety and numbers as well, yeah. You can all talk about things and have something in common when you're all doing the same thing.

SPEAKER_03 37:03

So I could talk to you for ages. I know absolutely ages. And now oh my god. I want to ask you my last question, which I asked everyone. If you could give younger Emma one prudently piece of advice and it comes to business or life, what would that be?

SPEAKER_04 37:21

It's actually gonna be really boring. Nothing is boring. Trust yourself, yeah. Um, trust yourself because yeah, you know yourself better than anybody else. And I'm also a huge believer. Is this a uh quit have I got time to dive in?

SPEAKER_03 37:40

Or the time to dive in.

SPEAKER_04 37:42

I am a huge believer that if there is a desire on your heart, it is you you get what you're ready for, right? But if there's a desire on your heart, it's come from your future self for you, and so if you if you've got it, that's your proof and your evidence that you're capable of achieving it. You've then just got to go on the journey. But we often go, Oh, I'm not sure I'm quite ready for that yet. I don't know if I'm good enough yet. You are because you get what you're ready to receive, and so I forgot that, and I I've got big desires and big dreams, and for a while I was like, I don't think I'm capable of achieving that, and these desires haven't gone away, and I and I am now like, no, they are, but I am capable of it because it's arrived, yeah, I've received it, so stop fannying around telling yourself you're not capable of it, and start like focusing on the things that you know that you need to do rather than getting distracted by all of the other bullshit that's gonna justify I haven't got time or I'm not capable of it.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

So I'm gonna fold us back at you. I know that you would like to have your own uh TV show or talk show, so go out and get it, and I'm gonna be your first guest. Thank you for being on the Unshakable Talks. That was a lovely conversation. If you've been feeling stuck or disconnected from the woman behind your business, this is your sign. The identity shake up is my new free audio. A short, powerful reset to help you to get clear on the person who you've become and the person your business needs next. Head to the link in the show notes to access it today.