Becoming Serene
Becoming Serene is the go-to podcast for ambitious, entrepreneurial-minded women who crave success without the chaos. It’s about owning your journey with grace, clarity, and unshakable peace. Because true success isn’t just a destination, it’s how you get there & who you become in the process.
Becoming Serene
Becoming Serene S2 TS
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Here we go. We're finally here. Becoming serene live on Facebook, that is. YouTube. We're gonna catch y'all later. We're gonna go and get those edges together. But happy, happy Friday and happy anniversary to us. It is our 27th anniversary, wedding anniversary, that is, not business anniversary. We have a lot of anniversaries, a lot of stuff to celebrate. But anywho, welcome again, beautiful, to becoming serene. Another episode with me, your host, Ruth Serene, Devon A Southall, and my absolutely fabulous and wonderful husband, Trevelle Southall. So you may be wondering, Ruth, how is this becoming serene? Baby, let me tell you. Because this journey, first of all, I've been with this man for over half my life. Married, it will be half my life because I turned 54 this year. So that's tripping me out. That yeah, half my life I've spent with you. And I thought it would be amazing to share how becoming serene myself, anyway, encompasses everything that we've built together in these past 27 years. So it's kind of like reflective through our anniversary, but it is also how I see myself becoming serene and how you see me becoming serene. So let's go ahead and walk down memory lane, first of all, and talk about how your version of how you approached me or envisioned being married to me. Let's just call it that. That's funny. Can you set up and make sure everybody hear you?
SPEAKER_02We walk down memory lane. I remember it's crazy. I think I was like 12 when I first saw you. That's so nice. Okay. I remember these things. You really do. I think I was 12. I even remember what you had on. Okay. Yep. And yeah. So what was it? What are you just keeping it in your memory? I don't wear it. I wish you had it on it. I wanted it. For some reason, why'd you have a white dress on? Because she was older than me.
SPEAKER_00She's older than me. So your memory is fading. He used to say exactly what I had on if it was white. You had a you had a white dress on. It's a white top. Yeah. But it was a white dress too. It's a ruffled skirt.
SPEAKER_02Oh, was it?
SPEAKER_00When I first was it? Oh white. Let me tell you, the man is slipping. This is, ladies, don't no fault, no shade to him. I'm not going to even trip. It was red and white polka dots, and you used to say it all the time. And the reason that I remember that is because it was a Valentine's Day birthday celebration. I remember the white dress. Whatever. You slipped in. Yeah, the white little bitty dress.
SPEAKER_02I don't know if it was short for church. But you know, I think back on it, you know, holding that stuff.
SPEAKER_00But that's just the white leather suit that you uh used to always comment on. But do this is what happens when you have so much business going on and things. Like you can't. I remember I'm gonna let it go. I'm gonna let it go. Whatever. You're right.
SPEAKER_02It was a Pokemon situation.
SPEAKER_00You know what? Maybe you don't understand your recording. I can't. I can't those thick eyebrows. I'm about to really like take that I suggested this.
SPEAKER_02You had a smile that was so beautiful. What a smile? Okay. Going back to when we first met. I remember your big old smile because your eyes were squinched.
unknownOkay.
SPEAKER_02That smile. Okay. Light up a room. Oh. Yeah, that's pretty dope. Hey, you have to do that.
SPEAKER_00But am I gonna sit here and just supposed to ask you questions back and forth? Is it interviewing? Okay. So that still didn't answer the question, but yeah, because you're still trying to wonder why you forgot about what I had on. Because I mean, when I tell you this man's memory is always stellar. Until today. It it never fails. They wait till the camera is rolling.
SPEAKER_02Okay, anyway, moving on. Moving. I think it's yours because I know it was positive. I first laid out that white dress.
SPEAKER_00It's okay. It was a very long time ago. So we're gonna let that slide. Let's see. It was almost 40 years ago. Let's be clear. That's true, bro. It was almost 40 years ago. Like, okay. All right. Um, I don't even know where to go from here because that that threw me. Like you never got that wrong until now. So we are not gonna play how well this your spouse knows you. I'm just saying. So, my dear, after whatever half story you just told, because I promise you, you didn't go into it. I'll tell my version of it. I'll share with you all what he used to say. Because now the man you stopped talking. Did they not just see you left the story hanging? Anywho, so this is my version of what he used to tell, because I don't no shade, no shade to my husband. I adore him, no shade to him. But when we first met, I didn't remember meeting him, I didn't look at him like that. But when we did get together, like how many years later? So it's 98, we met I was 15, you were 12. Yeah, so okay, so that's later. We dated for almost we dated for nine months. Okay, so let's let's get to that part. So when he finally asked me out on a date, what had happened was his sister had gotten married. We I went to the wedding and saw him in a tuxedo. I was like, okay, he looked nice in tuxed. Never ever thought about dating him in that way because as he shared, he was 12 and I was 15 at the time when we met. And then on top of it, I was on my way to college and he was in junior high, like he hadn't even gotten to high school. But anywho, um, his his version of this story used to go, it was so more extended. I I don't I don't know. Maybe he's camera shy and I'm just used to talking. I'm sure that's I'm definitely that. But um you used to share that after we met, you went home, was like, oh my God, I met her, I met my wife, told everybody who would listen, uh, all your family friends, and then we didn't even see each other often. Like, but when we did come in contact, you would always make sure you spoke to me and said something. I didn't pay attention to the fact that he didn't speak to anybody else.
SPEAKER_02You said never got the hints. No. I would show you all my artwork, all the art. We're gonna be able to do that.
SPEAKER_00That's one thing I remember. You can't sit back since we live.
SPEAKER_02Do you remember? No. My father did a play. Of course I did, and I paid the whole backdrop.
SPEAKER_00I didn't, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't okay I painted the whole backdrop. Okay. First of all, he he taking credit for that backdrop. Those of you who went to Tabernacle and we did the item Lord.
SPEAKER_02Who did the backdrop?
SPEAKER_00And we heard I remember getting the kudos for it. The Lord I'm sorry play.
SPEAKER_02You don't want me to tell this story. After I finished the huge mural.
SPEAKER_00TS I did the work. I remember the clouds. I remember how I did the clouds. You showed me how.
SPEAKER_02She left with another guy.
SPEAKER_00I was seeing someone else. We were not a couple. Like, still. I don't even know why.
SPEAKER_02Don't you think?
SPEAKER_00You literally just said it was your father's play. Yeah, but it wasn't the play. I wasn't assigned to do, he was the writer.
SPEAKER_02He I was not assigned to do the backdrop.
SPEAKER_00I beg to differ.
SPEAKER_02You were, but I was like, she needs some help, and I end up doing it for you. I helped.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Anywho, yeah, this is pretty much how our our marriage goes. I know you like, child, where was the connection? So let me get back to my story because I don't know where that came from. But anywho, my story is that Treville evidently was infatuated. Ruth didn't know about it, right? Okay, until much later. And then when we did get together and start talking, we exchanged phone numbers after church, and then we talked probably for a month before our first date. Then we went on our first date for Dee's graduation dinner. We went to the shock bar. Those of you who know Chicago and Eaton, shock bar used to be the place. And I met them there, and he asked me, What would you like to eat? They had already eaten. I got there late. I think I was doing somebody's hair because you know I was a kitchen beautician there. And I got there late. And I remember what I wore there. Do you remember what I wore there? Never mind. It was. Oh, he got that. Anyway. So I did wear the velvet green dress there. But uh when I got there, he's like, What would you like to eat? And I was like, Whatever you had. I'll order me whatever you had. And this is our first date. Please remember our first date. So I got the fried catfish and the greens and the bromine cheese.
SPEAKER_02You matched that too. That's what I was about to say. I was like, I had a little bit of stuff eating on that for you. Not only did I eat all my food. I ain't got that type of bread then. I'm like, oh snap, you're taking advantage for real.
SPEAKER_00Taking advantage. You've been waiting to do it meat. I know. So wait. Not only did I eat all my food, but baby, when it was over, I looked at the cake. I was like, so are we cutting that cake? Congratulations, D. I'm really proud of you, buddy. She backed stop. Then we cut the cake. And then we kicked it the rest of the night and held hands, and that was it. We both said, I guess we with the person we're gonna marry.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Kind of did a snow thing on me.
SPEAKER_00Whatever, then the rest is history. So then uh no, I'm not even, I'm not even when I tell you this man. Let's fast forward. So we get married, we get married, and then we get our first apartment. And the reason I'm doing this is because I'm leading up to becoming serene. Like, because a lot of people watching this may be engaged, maybe newly married. Hey, they may be in a stage in their marriage where they're like, is it still worth it? Like, do we still want to say I do? And you get there sometimes, and I'm gonna be honest, we did many, many times. So that's why I'm telling you the beginning, and then we're gonna hit the middle, and then we're gonna hit the now. So um, pretty much we get married, we have the apartment, we go through the ups and downs and everything, and then one day I was, you know, just sitting on a train on my way to work downtown and said, God, I want a house. And he was like, Well, why don't you ask me for it? You have not because you asked not. And I was like, Okay, daddy, I want a house. And he was like, Okay, cool, you know what you want. I was like, you know, I know what I want. I want a townhouse, I want it to look like a row house, kind of like, you know, uh the Cosby show, but more modern. And I want it in the suburbs. I get off the train. I'm not lying. I get off the train, and there on one of the panels at the Metro was a picture saying Holden Park Homes coming to Matison. And I said, those are beautiful. I think I like that. So I told you this story, and I said, Hey, we need to go see this, uh, see what this is about. That's Saturday. I'll never ever forget it. We went and you, as usual, was like, I don't know who we're gonna look at this for. I mean, if you want a house, yeah, give me a year or so to save up and to plan because he's the planner, and I am the impulse shopper. That I'm I'm still not delivering. But anywho, so we went and checked that out. So, what's your version of how this played out? The short, just uh, but I'm talking about how it came to be. The short version.
SPEAKER_02Okay, the short version, I um the short version is you wanted a house and I made it happen. And you was right, I did want to save, but like you always motivated me. Like you always saw what I can do when I didn't think I can do it, but you saw that I can do it. So I was like, she believes I can get this house right now, see if I can.
SPEAKER_00Well, I always tell you, and still always tell you, as far as who you are, you're the what. In the head. God is the source and you're the provider, the vessel. So I like to my father.
SPEAKER_02My age are like saying provider.
SPEAKER_00Provider is accepted. But yes, so I had the conversation with our father and was like, okay, God, this is what I desire. And sure enough, the one thing, the reason I'm bringing this up is because that was the first testing of our faith and us coming together and like you said, me wanting something, but not me wanting it vainly just because I want something. That's like, you know what's real? Now I want a product of her, so now I'm gonna pray for that. No, it's because always yeah, so that was stuff that we needed.
SPEAKER_02That's why I always appreciate you because you was never that type that just wanted something to kind of keep up with your jobs, everything made sense. And especially back then, I was never self-motivated. And so if you would see something and it was like a challenge, it was just something about you, it's like your vibration. I don't know what it what it was. I guess you could say it stimulated me in a way. Okay, so it made me react, like, okay, because if somebody else was to bring it to me, like I'm like, uh, okay, now I'm not ready.
SPEAKER_00But that's what we're supposed to do. I have the womb for a reason.
SPEAKER_02You know, kind of like naive, you know. And like when I listen to the story of Adam and Eve, if she had I understood that voice, that voice of a woman that you are in love with, like that tone just it just makes me react. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm not a man back, I'm going back then to that challenge. Like, to me, I took it as she really sees something. You know, and it's it's a divine thing, you know what I'm saying? Most definitely I'm like I tell people all the time, like usually don't hear frequencies properly the way I want. But you are always understood. Wow. And so when things start to happen, you know what I'm saying? It's like, alright, what's next? So I think that's how we work with, you know, kind of like my right hand and both kind of because you know I'm gonna work with both of my hands. Yeah, seems that'd be dexterous. So both hands gotta work together. One fall off the other one. It's always right there. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So it's I know me and you was doing it together, I'm just it was cool.
SPEAKER_00Wow. We're gonna take that clip and run with it with you, me and you doing it together. It's cool. I like that. Um, I'm mad that you having me treat this like a dog on interview. It's supposed to be a conversation. You know what? I can get this on tape.
SPEAKER_02What made you out of all the time? I I thought I made gestures to hook up with you. What made you finally say, all right, let's go out? And then to want to keep pursuing, like I know my game wasn't tight back then. You know what I'm saying? I know I was getting myself together.
SPEAKER_00He said my game wasn't tight. That's so much. But um, first of all, I've shared this with him. I think you honestly don't know or share that with my thing. Oh, see, okay. Let me just share a couple of things. Number one, um, I genuinely felt pursued. Like usually in Ruth's life, if I like somebody, I would pursue them. I would make them notice me, and I would, you know, pretty much take care of them. I I I'm a nurturer by nature. Everybody who knows me know that. So I would just, oh, I think I like, I like that about this guy. So I'm gonna, you know, make sure I'm sane, and if he has a need, if he hurts himself, I'll sit up here nursing people and take care of them. I didn't have to do that with you because I felt you wanting to pursue me, even like you said. The very first thing is that after church, I'll never forget it, I said, okay, you want to go out, let's exchange numbers. And I went to pick up the church program and tear it off and write our number, write my number on it and have you write your number on it. And you were like, I don't do that. You were like, here's my business card. And was that pregnant? Yeah, so you have to. I was like, okay, job. Okay, this man has a career. So that was number one. I noticed that because once again, I am 20, how old? At that time, when I first met you. 26? 22. You're still 25, because I'm still 26. 25. Okay, so I'm 25. And actually, he had graduated college before me because it took me a good long while because I started teaching. Yeah, so I'm like, he's established at the business company. Oh, okay, you can calm down. This it was talking about salary. Okay. So that, but then when we would talk because he had a cell phone, he had a StarTec flip phone. And I still only had a beeper. I still only had a payphone to juice. It was airbrushed, my page. Or remember, Nikki, we got our stuff airbrushed. Okay, yes. So yeah, he was all established with a flip phone, and when he would call me, he'll beep me. And I would have to call back on my payphone to hear what he was saying. Yeah, because you would he would say something in French, and he knew I would have to call him back and say, What did you say? He asked one of his co-workers who is uh fluent in French, you know, give me how to say this and these different expressions. So it was like straight up wooing.
SPEAKER_02Like now that I think about it, I can imagine a- No, I did that because we went to that shark bar and you didn't call me back right away. When we went to the shark bar after that, I thought we had a great track.
unknownYou didn't call me back right away.
SPEAKER_02So I had to think of a reason to get you to call me back. I and you had called me, it was like, what did you say? You know how I say book them busy?
SPEAKER_00That's never checked. But wait, your original question was what made me stay interested? That was that, but again, it was the pursuit, it was the chase, and I'm like, oh, he's serious. And then you know how our parents can say things to us and they don't register or hit until much later. Well, my father, who raised three sons and three daughters, and I'm the middle girl, number five out of six, he would always tell us, girls, marry somebody who loves you more than you love them. Because God didn't instruct a woman to love her husband, he instructed the woman to respect her husband, but for the man to love his wife as Christ loved the church. And I was like, I heard his voice, like in the times that we would talk. But one conversation, I remember where I was standing. I am not lying, I was standing in my bedroom at my parents' house in Country Club Hills, and we were on the phone, and you said, What do you want out of life? And I just went down a long laundry list, like I'm gonna graduate, and then I'm gonna do this, and I wanna do that, and da-da-da-da. And because that's how I am, I've always just had goals, and when I asked you what do you want?
SPEAKER_02No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00Okay. I say I need something like that. And I stayed in that anticipation. Like what is God gonna do next to blow our life? And he did. After the birth of our children and raising them in the townhouse, I was like, okay, um, this basement's got a little tight. I wanna move. And what did the Lord do then? Once again, through you. Because I was like, whatever you say, do, whatever you say, how we gonna do this. And Farita was like, girl, why don't you just build a house? And I said, like somebody just up and say, All right, let's just go build a house. Like we don't already pay a mortgage. But you had the connections once again.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's what I really had to really get better at is utilizing my connections. Yeah. Because one straight phone call solved a lot of problems is making one phone call. Tonight you're again. And he made it happen.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to Gary!
SPEAKER_02He made it happy. He made two phone calls for a meeting. And Wolves said I'm leaving a deposit in less than a week.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and the crazy thing is I wasn't even at the meeting because usually, you know, Trevel is like, what do you want? How do you want it? And I'm there to respond, but I had a meeting myself, and before I could even leave the house to come to the meeting, Trevelle had come back and was like, We're building a house. I like my stomach just sank. It was like, we're what? And even in the process, like God just kept being faithful. He's always been faithful, he stays faithful. He he that's his nature. He can't do anything less than that. And he's shown himself strong and mighty and faithful, not just in our lives, but even in and through our marriage, because that was four years ago. Almost five.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so he actually was five when it was five years ago, small, but we had the bill, so it's a little bit five years ago.
SPEAKER_00So today is our 27th wedding anniversary, and I don't want anybody to think, oh, it's been all sunshine and rainbows, because maybe in year 20, year 20, we couldn't stand the sight of each other.
unknownThat was bad.
SPEAKER_00We yelled, rolled eyes, got silent. It was ridiculous. We basically was living in the same time. No, it was 20 because it was leading up to 20 because I was like in my head, because that's what some women do. In your head, you say, Let's go ahead and celebrate with a party. Even though we can't stand each other, but Trevelle has never played. Let me just pretend for anybody. Like, he don't pretend with me, and he's sure not gonna pretend with anybody else. And so I'm like, I want to have an anniversary dinner and a party, and let's renew our vows. And you were like, why would we do that? We don't even like each other. And I was like, you're right. I literally was planning, I'm looking at venues, I'm thinking about how to decorate and all. Yeah, well, because in my head, I was just thinking about, but that's what a lot of people do, even in planning a wedding. They can't stand the person the weirdest thing ever. They can't even stand the person anymore, but they envision a wedding more than they do a marriage. And I had taken my focus off our marriage and started thinking about paying the party.
SPEAKER_02I have to buy an expensive green. I'm like, what are you doing?
SPEAKER_00I we need constantly, like But to me, I I felt still committed, and I felt that even though it was rocky, that oh, there's no way it's going to end. So I didn't see it as an end. But you saw why we celebrate, and there's nothing right now to celebrate. But I felt the building was what I was celebrating, leading up to that. So, anywho, okay, because he was right and there was no need to party at year 20, I sought the Lord and said, Okay, God, he's right. So, what is wrong? What am I doing wrong? And I'm pretty sure it's my reacting. I I've always been, you know, pretty much a yeah, just a kettle boiling open. But anywho, so I sought the Lord and started to pray, not for our marriage, I started to pray about me, like what I needed to do to become the wife that you deserve. And in doing that, then God did what he does best and started speaking to you. Um, I suppose. But in all of that, and then y'all know what happened because, honey, I'm talking about 2020. In March, we got shut down, and now we shut up in the house together. Now, Ruth didn't stay in the house. I'm the only one that was leaving. I love being out in the free, fresh air, nobody else on the streets and all that. But we were shut up in the house, and instead of fighting, we started bonding more with one another, with the children and everything. And then God spoke to me and was like, now's the time. I said, now's the time to work. And he was like, You can renew and rekindle your vows and your covenant with one another because it's solid, it's re rebuilt. I've restored it. And I was like, Okay, so it's COVID.
SPEAKER_02There's no place that's COVID fixed the fixed people's situations, so then we had to deal with each other. Yeah, but some people fixed it. Yeah, some people didn't work out right. You know, it was just that was surreal, like, but everything changed, like it was surreal. But I'm glad I changed a lot of things in my life, stopped educating myself more, stopped thinking bigger. Um, but during that period, things things really worked out. Um it was a roller coaster because it was taking a lot of risks, but though a lot of those risks paid off and it got me focused. Um but it was you know, years before that, it was like I was like, God, what are you doing? But I needed it because you know I had to restore some things in my life, get things, get back focused that you know I kind of strayed away from uh reintroducing God in my life, uh you know, just stop doing a lot of things I was doing that I knew wasn't helping me grow. And so, and that's and that's the key, you know, and just like now when I hear a lot of people keep talking about what they can't do, or you're talking about the financial situations, the inflation, and how things is hard, how you know you're supposed to be married, but you know, once you educate yourself, start getting more in the word, whatever you practice, once you you know really believe and have faith in those things, just start following the rules. Because everybody I think yeah, but you know, everybody I think you hear that divine voice, you hear that voice from God and you just don't act. It was just when I started acting on it, knowing that I can do it, like I said, and then just hearing your vibration, your voice, saying just always able to see something that I don't see or you know what I'm saying? Yeah, and like I said, these last what we 2006, these last six years has been like crazy. It's been a roller coaster, but it's been a positive and just seeing how the kids progress, seeing them develop. Yeah, this last six years, I think, was a repairing building, you know. Because like I said, before that, those last probably three years before that was it's like what are we doing? Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00You know, yes, indeed. All of a sudden you shut in. Man, for sure. So one of my favorite stories is you know, I hear from God a lot, but just like you said, do I act all the time? No, do you execute? But when he said now's the time for you all to go ahead and renew, I said, Well, how are we gonna do that? There's not a place we can rent and all that.
SPEAKER_02And she did that as a surprise. I didn't know she planned that out, show it up one day and we renewing vows.
SPEAKER_00Well, what I planned, what the way I got him was I said, for our anniversary, let's do a photo shoot, a family photo shoot. And he was like, Okay, so I hired the photographer and Keisha and her amazing, her amazing skills. I said, Keisha, you know what? I think I want to do it outside in the park. And she was like, I love that. Yeah, let's do it. And so when God told me to go ahead and renew our vows, I knew our mothers had to be there. So I said, Hey Trey, I want our mothers to be part of the family photo shoot. He's like, Yeah, of course, they should be. So I was like, Oh, this is easier than I thought, but I had to plan our mothers being there, done. Of course, our children gotta be there, done. But how am I gonna get him distracted while I go change and have people come out and invite them? So I used an outdoor venue that is set up with a gazebo and all of the things that we didn't even have to rent. Yes, we had a whole ceremony outside for free, but I did get our guests water and snacks because that's the type of person I am. But Treville knows that I love to take pictures with music playing, so having music in the background was not alarming to him. But shout out to our good friend E Smooth because Eric came and distracted Trevelle and took him and was taking pictures of him and video of him staging it as if it was you know promotional stuff for his business. And then Eric led him under the gazebo and was like, stand right here, don't take pictures. And then people started walking in with their masks on because it was COVID. And Trevelle looking like, um, I think something is about to happen, something's about to go because they were instructed, because Marie took care of letting everybody know, walk in, don't say a word, just sit down. And they came and they walked in, they were quiet, and then our wedding song came on, and I came walking in with a bouquet and another dress and all that, and then the tears started to flow. Do you remember that sensation and that moment and what it meant?
SPEAKER_02I was trying to think this whole setup was to talk about renewing our vows. Oh, we never we never doing that again. Uh I remember the day, but a lot of it's getting cloudy sometimes because it was such a surprising moment. But it was a good day, especially with all that was going on, like with a bunch of uncertainty, and then what was good about that afterwards, it was like a tsunami blessing started happening. You know what I'm saying? Nothing like without crazy, right? But it was it was like a tsunami of blessing start happening because up to that point it was like this COVID thing, it's crazy. Go ahead. So yeah, it was cool though. Okay, it's a ghost in here. Anyway, you on my side, whatever. So, but yeah, it was uh it was a it was a blessing day, you know. I was glad to see everybody there, especially now. I I was happy to see a lot of those people because we and Jason was talking about this, like you gotta either participate in events, wow, or you know, have events to see people because we're getting to that age that you know people uh transitioning on.
SPEAKER_00Thank you.
SPEAKER_02And part of one of the groups we're with, uh woman named Dana passed away, and we used to do everything by phone. And you know, it could have been times I could have said, Hey, can we talk about this overcompany? Right, right. Can we meet to go with this? But you know, we got so comfortable, you know, DMs and social media just for convenience. And when that happened, it was like the last time I saw her was last year. Wow. And we probably did about probably she probably referred two or three people to me, and I probably you know referred somebody to her to it, and it was just that type of that's right, you know, we just commented on social media, so it's like, man, I wish I would have just connected with her. That's so good. And like I said, even last year, you know, lost, you know, when I was growing up, my youth pastor. I haven't seen him in years, but he had hit me on Facebook, you know. It could have been like, you know, hey, I'm gonna let me know next time you're at church or something. Or hey, let's go meet, you know, have lunch. Okay, you know, and I'm trying this year to make it a point if I can get an actual meeting with you, even in business, like these last I think two years, I've been really meeting a lot of my clients why actually haven't met in years.
SPEAKER_00Let's tell the audience why. Yeah, let's just go ahead and share once again my role in this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You've only been connected to so many people with so many places to go and events that you always shied away from. And I'm just like, what is this? What are we doing here? So once again, all of those showing up and everything led to what na what what what what honor did you just receive? Yeah, man of excellence that shows up and participates, everything that you just said, because I'm gonna be honest, I'm pretty sure that you felt inadequate, like, because you're you're still your humility is unmatched, and so is your integrity, but there is still a dishonor to me when your humility turns into I don't deserve, but you do deserve, like you're God's son. Like, are you kidding me? You're joint heirs with Christ. Why would you not feel that you deserve this type of just for real recognition? You do like you've done the work, you're doing the work, you show up for people and you go above and beyond. Yeah, I mean, we're not going to talk about the hours that you spend working and getting things right and everything, and yeah, and like I said, this because it's you know, I vibe, you know, like I said, I was thinking my muse.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, these last two years, just me walking. Like you don't have to like love it, but just doing it, it really trains you to say, you know what, I do deserve this, or I do appreciate this, or I should be walking in this.
SPEAKER_00You can make your snoop speech and say, I don't want to give it up for me.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02And you know, once I started, you know, kind of doing that, then I really started to say and it it it really helps, you know. Even when I come home, different things I do, you know, you'd be surprised when you actually guys been blessing you, but me, I'm always I if this is happening, I gotta be focusing on the next thing because this is gonna fade and I gotta, I'm always I gotta I need to survive. It's already worse for me. You know, it's it's that thing. Uh like I said, T D Jakes really stated this really good. So like out of all the years I've been in ministry, I never took the time to say, hey, you know what? Today you did something good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, celebrate yourself.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, like even just the simplest thing. It's like, you know, today you actually did something good. I do that every day. In me, I would be myself up, I see something like, you know, I could have done. So I I go on, I want to beat myself up mode. Or I see somebody I think did something better, like, ah, see, I didn't do that that way. So what I did, I reset. And I didn't take the time to say, you know what, this client is very happy. Or if I did something on a personal end, you know, not just look at it as a chore. Oh, we did this, let me just check that off. Like, I need to take the time out to say, hey, you know what, today I'm just gonna just relax, enjoy the day instead of just like, all right, what do I gotta do? Let me get in active mode. And then next you know, I'll be regretting it because I see everybody out kicking it. Especially if I took that day and I said I don't want to do something, I'm working and everybody kicking it and it's on my dive or the I ain't even have a good time with these people.
SPEAKER_00Like, and I pay for I promise you we couldn't be more different because I don't have these problems. I don't think that way at all.
SPEAKER_02No, you don't. No, no, no. At least for when I'm with you, you're gonna have everything planned and I can just show up. That's what I want that I do love. Like, I can just show up, and stuff is just done, and I love that, especially as I get older. It's like I can just come home. And it carries over because I'd be expecting other people to have that same situation going on. But like, TSW, why did you do? Like, usually this situation is done. So I didn't think I needed to bring something because usually my wife will have it. So if she didn't give it to me, I didn't think to break it. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh, don't even get me started on that. You gotta sell. Awful. Anywho, anywho, because I know you all may be getting tired of us. So the reason once again that we are doing this and talking about marriage is because I'm seeing, we're seeing, and we're noticing and understand um the state of our world and the difficulties that we all face in relationships, but especially marriage. Like the enemy comes against marriage because it is a covenantal relationship. Is covenantal is a good word? But anywho, God ordained marriage for a reason. Um, I know and have heard plenty of people saying that they don't want to ever get married, they don't uh think you know that marriage will work out for them. There are some people who I have spoken life into, prayed for, and poured into that they are not just married today, but they are parents. Congratulations again, Morgan and Larry. But but it is, it's so important for you to realize that anything, when I say anything, anything is possible with God and with God as your center, not just of your life, but of your marriage and your relationship, restoration is possible, and it's not just possible, it's beyond restoration. He will not just restore, but he will like blow your minds because, like I said, at year 21, we weren't even thinking about staying together. But after that, and I told him that after you know the house was built and we moved in and everything, and I said, now what if we called it quits at year 21? And becoming serene wouldn't be here, probably. Um, the businesses wouldn't be like just thriving as they are and everything, but because in our natural state, and if we let our emotions rule us, then yeah, we respond emotionally to things like this light going off and on, you know it's a new net of me becoming serene that I'm not doing throw that light out the wrong. Whatever, he surely does know that. Yeah. Anywho, man, so in our final parting words, these past 27 years, what let's say in three words, sum up what the past 27 years has taught you a marriage, not business, because child he wants to go straight into a business marriage.
SPEAKER_02You have to perform patience. But to me, I can say the two is patience, and you have to understand, and I think this probably still falls into the patience part, but you have to choose to love again like every five so many years, because as you grow, the person changed, you have to choose to fall in love with that person.
SPEAKER_00That's good. If you always say, I want the old roof, I want the old mic, she's gone.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so you have to make a conscious decision to say this new version who I'm with right now, I'm gonna choose to love.
SPEAKER_00I love that. Okay, I'm gonna make that three patience and understanding and choose to love again and again. And even though I'm giving you these questions, these are all this conversation and everything is literally off the top of my head. These are not playing questions, it's just a conversation that we usually have over dinner on our anniversary. But I'm inviting you all in um just so you can see the truth. Like, first of all, everything that could go wrong went wrong, and I want to spaz out, I want to cry, I want to storm out and leave. But for what? Like, girl, react emotionally, you you too old for that. Like, mm-mm. It's not even about even the flickering light. For some reason, I'm thinking the effect it's gonna give is going to be amazing. But uh, my three things would be that I've learned um is forgiveness, uh, not just of the other person, but forgiving yourself for the things that you've done because I do not like regret. I don't like to live in regret, but think about regret. So I choose to forgive, um, no matter what. And then um, number two, I would say, and not in any particular order, and please know that these three things means that God is the core of all of these. So it's not like I'm not saying, ooh, but literally my prayer life and praying for other people and other marriages and everything made me realize that intercession is necessary and that it's not just about our house, because a lot of people feel and say, I'm only concerned about me and mine, but that's not we're called to literally pray one for another. So interceding and praying for other people and especially marriages and stuff. Um, I saw God deal with us, and my third, which when I tell you, even thinking about it, brings tears to my eyes. I remember the first time you came to me and not necessarily saying no or um denying me something, your response was, I prayed about this and God told me that was something that you had never ever said before. And so I would always say, like, I'm not gonna follow you because you're not following God the way I think you should be. And so you're basically a headless man. How are you gonna be the head of this house and that? So when I stopped with my mouth and fussing and telling you what thus said the Lord, and like I said, started asking God to show me what it is that needed to be changed. He was, like I said, speaking to you, and you started to seek God for yourself and develop your relationship with him. Like I could not make you do that, but for some reason in my head, it was like I need to tell you how you're supposed to serve God and follow God, but that's not my job, and it never was my job. So, yeah, those were the three biggest things that I learned. Yep. So I'm grateful, I'm so grateful that we did the work. Um, I'm so grateful, like the children said. Well, Mackenzie in particular said when we renewed our vows, she said that I saw my parents do the work separately. Like I saw them work on themselves individually and how God brought them back together and healed their marriage and healed their relationship. And I couldn't have said it better. Like, yeah, I agree with that. All right. So thank you for year 27, husband.
SPEAKER_02Thank you, babe.
SPEAKER_00Can we catch flight? No, I'm just playing. I'm just playing.
SPEAKER_02No, she's not had this conversation right now. I am. She got something.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, yeah. We're gonna kick it. We're going to celebrate, but um, I do. I want to take this time for the world to see and to know that I more than appreciate you. I thank you for choosing me. I thank you for seeing the best in me, even when I was at my worst, and I have been at my worst. Yeah, y'all y'all don't see it, and I don't look strong. But have you all seen those videos of like when women are mad, the strength that they get and the things that they can do? Yeah, that's your girl. Um, but even when I was at my worst, and even when I was acting very ugly, you still saw the beauty out. Um you for continuing to love all of me and the me that's still becoming. I love you and I appreciate you, and thank you for building the life of my dreams with me. We got this.
SPEAKER_02We got this, baby.
SPEAKER_00All right, thank you guys for joining us for another episode of Becoming Serene. I appreciate you and I hope everything is well with you because if it isn't, this is just a season and it's passing. So look forward to the great because great is coming. I love and appreciate all of you. If you're also in your pursuit of peace as you pursue your purpose, please subscribe, like, and share this with a friend. And we'll see you next time on Becoming Serene. Until next time, stay serene. Happy anniversary!