How To Grieve The Life 'You Thought' You Would Have

Welcome back to Chats With Michelle! Today, I’m sharing how to grieve the life 'You Thought' you would have, find peace, and allow God to control the rest of your story.

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Transcript

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Now you're creating this like well shoulda, coulda, woulda situation, scenarios, all the different things in your head. I've had to learn to grieve the plans that I've had for my own life. Hey, what's up, you guys? It's Michelle. Welcome and welcome back to Chats with Michelle, where we chat all things keeping your promises to yourself through navigating adulthood and pursuing purpose. And in today's chat, we are going to be talking all things, what happens when life doesn't turn out the way that you just knew it would, or you hoped and dreamed that it would, or matter of fact, that you actually worked so hard that that would be the end result. What happens when it doesn't turn out the way that you planned? And before we hop into today's chat, I just want to say that this is a very special exclusive pod chat, all the things because this is audio only. If you don't know, if you're not familiar, I normally do chat with Michelle both video and audio. And this chat in particular is only audio for various reasons. However, I wanted to keep my promise to myself. You know, if you've been following me or listening to me for some time here, I chat all things keeping your promises to yourself. And while I had technical difficulties on the video, and I was like, you know what, I still want to show up. So I just want to give a super exclusive shout out to the pod audio listeners because I'm not sure who you all are, but Chassel Michelle has been getting so many downloads online. I mean, so many downloads, so many people following all the things. So I just want to say thank you, and I hope that this is blessing you. And um, this has just been right on time. I just really do try to be intentional about just asking the Lord, okay, what do you want to talk about? Because listen, this is not no big platform, but I just show up because I feel like this is what God wants me to do in this season, right? So I chat about this a lot, like you know, what is in your hands, and this is what's in my hands, right? The very limited equipment that I have to do chats with Michelle. So, with that being said, let's go ahead and jump right into um what we're gonna be talking about today is yeah, what happens when life doesn't turn out the way that you thought, hope, prayed, wished, worked hard for. Let me tell you something. I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but when I was a teenager, I would say 15, 16, even 17 years old, you couldn't tell me by 25 I wasn't gonna have my whole entire life figured out, man. Like I just knew that I would. And it's not even that I necessarily thought that 25 was this super like old age, but it just seemed like, like, yeah, like, yeah, by 25 for sure, like, you know, everything's gonna be all figured out, and as someone who is newly in their 30s, I have been beautifully humbled, right? That yeah, my entire life is uh definitely not figured out, and in fact, I am navigating not only just you know this life as an adult, but just so many things. And I would say the first part being is grieving the life that I thought I would have. Now, I'd be the first to say that I have such a beautiful life, I have such a privileged life, but I would be absolutely lying if I said that everything has just turned out the way that I wanted it to be. My goodness, I've dealt with so much disappointment, heartache, and I'll be honest and saying in the areas of like career-wise, like just things didn't pan out the way that I just thought and knew that it would. And in navigating that, I've had to learn to grieve the plans that I've had for my own life, the things that I thought that you know, like it was gonna go this way. I am someone who is overcoming, and I feel like come a long way of overcoming perfectionism, and ultimately I've had to learn that yeah, I could have plans, but ultimately God has the ultimate say. And one of my uh favorite verses that's been like my verse of the year for several years now, is Matthew 6.33, which says, Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and everything else shall be added onto you. Now, I will be the first one to say that I have not always taken heed to this. Like, I have found myself like there are some seasons and instances of my life where yeah, I'm seeking God first, but then there are other instances where it's like I'm, you know, just trying to figure it out on my own or just go hard, or or sometimes even with comparison of seeing, like, okay, well, this is where my peers are, so here's what I should be doing now. And I feel like the Lord is so kind because He's bringing me back to a place in a space of like, okay, Lord, what do you want me to do? What are the plans that you have for my life? How do you see this whole thing going? So, like I said, like first and foremost, being like, Hey, I have to grieve the plans that I had. And let me tell you something about grief. You know what? Let me look it up right now. Let's look up the stages of grief. Let's just look that up right now. So I just looked up what are the stages of grief, and it shows that there are five stages of grief, and I do think that this is something that we can uh look to and utilize when it comes to our uh just our everyday lives, and um when it comes to the plans that we had, or maybe the disappointment of where disappointment, sadness, all the things, right? All the synonyms of where your life currently is and where you thought it would be. So the first stage of grief of grief is denial and shock. And I think when it comes to life and the plans that we have for our life, that denial and shock of like where you currently are and realizing, oh my gosh, like this is not where I thought I was gonna be. So there's you know, that sadness, that disappointment, that possibly a feeling like just less than feeling like a loser, feeling like, man, you're so behind in life, and you should have been here, but you're you should have been there, but you're here instead, and just like that, you know, that that just that just sadness, and just like wow, like wow, this is really where I am right now. I cannot believe I'm this age, whatever that age is for you, and this is my situation. And then the next stage it says anger, and that's like you know, frustration, resentment. And I think what happens from there, it's like, yeah, now you're mad. So you went from being shocked of like, oh my gosh, this is my reality, it's not turning out the way that I thought it would be, and now you're upset about where you are, and I think that that can come with just sometimes isolating yourself and staying away from people, and or having misplaced anger, right? So, like there might be people in your life who possibly want to support you, or people um, or just ways and activities where you can go out and you know, just be around people, but instead you isolate yourself because you're angry, you're angry at the situation, you're angry that you allow things to come this far, or you're just angry at the situation, right? You're like, man, like if this person in my life, you know, this boss, this supervisor, this person, whatever, you know, this toxic relationship, like you're angry at the decisions that you made in your life, right? And you're just having to deal with all of that. And if you're not careful, it can be it can be an anger that you hold on for years and years to come. And the worst of that would be misplaced anger, right? So now you're just mad at the world, you're going into everywhere, just upset. And then the next stage, the third stage, it says is bargaining, right? So that's dwelling on what if or only if scenarios, it says. So that's you being like, dang, well, what if I just went to school for this career instead of this, or what if I took this job instead of that job, or maybe I shouldn't have moved, or or maybe I should have moved, or what if I never got into this relationship? So now you're creating this like, well, shoulda, coulda, woulda situation scenarios, all the different things in your head because you're like, you're trying to make sense of where you are in your life because you're like, wait, my life should have looked like this, but it looks like this mess over here, and you're trying to make sense of it all in your brain of what could you have done differently to change the outcome of where you are right now. The fourth step, uh or the fourth stage rather is depression. Just for a reminder, we went from denial and shock, anger, bargaining, and now you're depressed, right? Because I think it's starting to you're starting to really compare yourself, right? You're looking at your different peers, you're seeing what they're doing or how far they've come, or you're just looking at other people in general, and you're seeing how they're living their life, and now you're depressed, and now you know you were angry and being closed off, but now you're sad and being closed off, and you're just you're you're loathing, or is that the right word? I think loathe means hate, but you know what I'm trying to say. You're just you're just sad. You're sad, you feel like you're worthless, you feel like you are just far too behind to ever catch up. My goodness, look at your life, look at the situation that you're in, and similarly to anger, if you're not careful, you can find yourself being in this depressed state of mind for a super, super, super long time to the point where you actually start telling yourself a new story of that you're not good enough, you're not worthy, you made a wrong mistake, or you made the wrong choices, and this is where you're gonna be, and this is where you're always gonna be. And the last stage is acceptance, and it says here coming to terms with the reality of the loss and learning to move forward. And I hope that this is the place that you are either you either are you're getting to, or you are now being reminded or informed that you can get to. And I would say that this is me personally right now, that I'm at a place of acceptance of like the past is the past. This is where I am right now, and I have one of two decisions. I can either be stuck in the past, I can be, you know, sad or angry, disappointed about the past, or I can choose to move forward, and that's what I'm choosing to do. I'm just choosing to move forward, and I am encouraging you to do the same thing, to choose to be moved forward, and easier to said than done, I know, especially if you're possibly in that angry, depressed, or maybe even bargaining stage where you're creating all these scenarios. One thing that I would encourage you to do, and if you've been listening to me for some time, if you've been chatting with me for some time, then you know what? Do I always say? What is one thing that you can do today that you that your future self will thank you for? How can you keep your promise to yourself today? So for me, or the reminder for you is what is one thing that you can do today? One thing, what is one promise you can keep for yourself? I'll sell you right now. The one promise that I was able to keep to myself today was this was sitting down and chatting, chatting with you, because listen, and I know many of us can relate to this. We go to work, we and we, we, we, we over, we overwork ourselves, right? Or we show up, right? We do things for other people. We're always showing up for everyone and bending ourselves, twisting ourselves into pretzels, doing things for everyone. So, okay, you've done everything for everyone else. What is one thing that you can do today that your future self will thank you for? And that promise could be okay, you know what? I'm going to brush my hair and get dressed for the day, especially if you're the person who is in the depressed stage right now where you're just laying in bed, you don't, you're isolating yourself. Maybe that one promise is literally getting up, brushing your hair, getting dressed for the day, and going out for an hour. That can be a promise. And then if you're in a different stage of life where maybe you're in the acceptance stage, right? Maybe that one promise to yourself could be that you are going to do one thing that takes you to the ultimate goal that you have, or maybe a side business that you're doing, a side project that you have, right? So if you're saying that you want to, you know, you know, do a side hustle. Well, then how about you get do you do the LLC? You create the the business, right? That doesn't take very long to do. Or how about you you you do a business plan, a three-month business plan, a six-month business plan? And how are you gonna finish out the year? That could be one thing that you do today that your future self can thank you for. One thing could be a girl that you do your laundry. What is one thing that you can do for you? What is just one thing? How can you keep one promise to yourself today? Ultimately, I'm just here to say that one, you are seen, you're not alone. I hear you, I see you, I feel you. Even if I'm not able to actually physically lay my hands or my eyes on you, I just want you to know that I think that this chat was for such a time as this. I really, really, really encourage you to move through the stages of grief when it comes to where you thought you would be in life by now. I highly encourage you to get to the place of acceptance, and not that it's gonna be easy, but I think that it ultimately puts you in a place of healing because, like I always say, you were born on purpose, with purpose, and for purpose. On purpose because your life is not a mistake. No matter how you got here, no matter the season that you are in, your life is not a mistake, and with purpose because your life is not a mistake, you have you were born with an assignment for you to complete on this earth, and for purpose because with that assignment, it is for you to complete that God-given assignment. So, with that being said, I want to say thanks so much for chatting with me today. Listen, if you found this chat valuable, please consider sharing it with someone who may also find this chat valuable. And while you're at it, please be sure to. Well, this is audio, so be sure to like, download, share, give it um a high rating. All the things, honestly, thank you guys so much just for chatting it up with me these last several you know, pods. Um, yeah, because listen, we've got so much to chat about. Bye.