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Famology
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Famology
Learning to Parent in the Cadence of Childhood
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Simple strategies for growing patience in the daily challenges of parenting.
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Welcome to FAMOG. We are very excited today about this particular question because it's been an area of humor and you know sometimes strong suits, sometimes not strong suits, but definitely an area of growth. And so if you have any insight or how something that you would say in answer to this question, pop it down below because maybe we could use your advice as well.
SPEAKER_02Well, she's being very nice, but she's really referring to me. So we'll talk about my issues with patients. And so she's she did kind of wee statements, but it's really more of more about me.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I'm not I'm not an expert in this area.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's fair, but um, I'm I am legendary.
SPEAKER_01So before we get into the question, I do want to say that we're kind of having a really good time as a family right now because our son's football team has made it to the nation's quarterfinals. Is that right? Is that what it's called?
SPEAKER_02The Elite Eight or whatever, the final eight teams. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and so as Vikings fans, the the year has been a little yeah, but uh Bethel University, where our son plays, is having a great season, like one of their best on record. Go B you. Yeah, go B you. So here we go. Anyway, we're we're having a good time with that.
SPEAKER_02But we're putting on I I just bought electric socks. Yes, so that was absolutely necessary because we're watching these games in 20 degrees with wind chill much lower than that. And so, you know, it's supporting the family, but I lost feeling in my feet somewhere on the second half.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, his his if you guys remember, he broke his ankle this summer, and so his circulation is eh.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that my right foot is definitely colder than my left foot, but that's too much information that you guys get.
SPEAKER_01That's fine. That's okay. Let's talk about patience. Okay, let's do so. The question is how do you foster patience in parenting?
SPEAKER_02Do you see how I hurried you along and said, let's talk about patience, let's get this moving.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because patience is patience, is one of those pesky fruit of the spirit words, you know, that you kind of wonder, like, why is that in there? Because I think I think it's supposed to be the fruit of the spirit that flows out from us. Um and it's something well, yes. I've I've yeah, I'm pretty sure.
SPEAKER_01I think maybe.
SPEAKER_02So I've I've struggled with patience, as you guys are probably surmising by what we're talking about here. Um, just because I'm not, you know, by nature a very patient person. And so I'm working on that. Um, and so the legendary part of our family is is me at a stoplight. And so there's a stoplight in Brainerd, Minnesota, and maybe some of you know it.
SPEAKER_01If you've vacationed up here, you've driven through it.
SPEAKER_02210 and 371, where they combine, there's a stoplight there that is placed there just for me to learn patience. Because if you miss that light, you know, you have missed a big chunk of your life.
SPEAKER_01That sounds serious.
SPEAKER_02So I'll pull up that light, and if I missed it, you know, there's usually a little bit of a huff, and then I kind of you know slam it into park just to show that like I'm-like I'm gonna be here for a while. I don't, I'm working on it. I'm working on it, but but there is there's been a lot of of ramblings about being patient at stop lights, and so it's a great example, it's a manifestation of an issue that I've struggled with, and so patience is um is uh a challenge for me.
SPEAKER_01Okay, and so when when they're talking about patience and parenting, this has been an area that you have worked on.
SPEAKER_02Well, thank you, honey. That's a nice way of saying it. That is a very nice way of saying it. Yeah, I I just like getting things done and like getting things done now, and so so some of that is the way the Lord has wired me, and I don't want to apologize for that, but there's also things that he has drawn me into in my life that I also want now, and he's probably like, Oh, Johnny boy, that's so cute. Yeah, but you need to wait.
SPEAKER_01So, how does it work as a parent when you are wired to get things done and get things done now? Because my experience has been that children don't really allow for that. No, and it really I mean, obviously, the younger they are, the more that's true. But honestly, with teenagers and stuff too, you just things don't always go the way mom and dad have scripted. Yeah, rarely so.
SPEAKER_02No, yeah, but I think I think even scripturally, and I'm I'm being serious now, scripturally, that you know, there's there's a pace, there's a cadence to his kingdom, and he wants he wants us to be connected to his heart and his rhythms and what he does. And he does that for our benefit because he doesn't want us to get ahead of our skis because yeah, because that isn't always good for us. And so I'm learning that. And and and also there's a maturing that needs to take place as well in ourselves. I'm just talking about me, maturing that needs to take place in ourselves that that he waits, you know, to hand you things to do until you're ready to do them. Right. Um, and doesn't mean ready in the sense that, oh, I'm super confident. Sometimes he doesn't always give you that, right? Allah, Gideon, and some of those, you know, through scripture. Um, however, he um he he walks you through these pathways. And so that's why patience is a fruit of the spirit, yeah, is because he he wants us to connect to his rhythm. Yeah, we we've always loved the word cadence, haven't we? Because there's a cadence of heaven that he wants us to dance with him in, and uh, and that's and and really the challenge is to find that, and then all of a sudden you have kids, yeah. That just throws you into sometimes a tailspin because in their their their their pattern of their life isn't always our pattern of life, and yet he calls us to be like little children. So there's a cadence, there's even a childlike cadence that I think he wants from us.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's a good segue because my first line in my notes is learn to the move at the pace of childhood. And and that's a cadence word, and and I feel like that was one of the first things that the Lord had to really, you know, strip down in me. There was so much. Um, but I even remember when I was in labor with my firstborn son, and that the Lord was right there talking to me about cadence. And he he he I had it in my idea of how labor was supposed to go, and it wasn't going as scripted. And the Lord said to me, Amy, are you willing to let it go? Like right there in the middle of my labor, he's having this moment where he's asking me to release my grip. My idea, my thoughts, my cadence that I wanted to go at wasn't happening. And and I had to release it in that moment and and say yes to things that I didn't think that I was gonna need to say yes to, like, you know, having more interventions and all of those things. I I was angry about it in labor, and that doesn't help our anger and stubbornness. And so there's been a release, I feel like, since the very beginning of my motherhood journey, where there's just things that I've had to let go of. Um, I am not as type A as my husband, but I am. I am very goal-oriented and I love to get things done. And before I had children, my measure of how how good my day was going was like how many things that were on the list got accomplished. And yes, um, motherhood especially isn't measured in check marks because there are, unless you put things on your list like feed your children, change diapers, you know, um it navigate toy sharing. Unless you put those practical pieces down, you can come to the end of a day and not have accomplished, and I put that in quotes, yeah, um, much of anything, except there are things that that mothers and fathers do with our kids um that require us to lay down those things and come into rhythm with that plate, the pace of childhood, so that we can appreciate the speed at which things move in a child's life. And it's actually a holy thing. And I remember, I remember um the Lord talking to me um not about just interruptions, but holy interruptions. And seeing those moments as a mom differently really changed my perspective and helped me manifest patience in areas that I would have typically been frustrated before. And what I mean by holy interruptions are um those moments when you're heading out the door for church, and every mother knows this that all babies have blowouts that go up their back and require a change of clothes on the way out the door for church. And the the four and five-year-old will have a squabble and you're trying to get the kids out the door, and all of this is unfolding. And I remember the Lord talking to me in those moments about those not being just interruptions, but they're like holy opportunities for me to lay down my own agenda and serve my children. And sometimes the service just requires a change of clothes and a second outfit ready to go. And sometimes it requires me sitting on the stairs and navigating he said, she said, and making us late for church. And anybody who knows me knows that I value being on time very highly. It's one of the things that's very important to me. But with kids, I had to learn to be patient and not make that my top priority because actually the holy opportunity of parenting my children was more important than timeliness to church.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. The I mean, the the things that that I've seen in myself and and especially, especially with my sons specifically, but also with my daughters to maybe a less of extent, is is just these these chances to to really disciple. That's that's what we do as parents, is we disciple them. And so there's these these times when I can promise you that it's easier for me to do it myself. And and it'd be faster and more convenient for me to do things and just get them done. Um, and yet there are these chances, these opportunities to to invite them in, even though it's going to take a little bit longer. Um, and and that's part of the patience of parenting, I believe, is is exactly what you talked about, these opportunities to actually connect with them and teach them. Yeah, show them, demonstrate um, you have a flat tire. I can I can change it faster than they can. Yeah, I I know that I can. Um, however, what a great opportunity to show them how to change a tire. Um, you know, and I I the other day I rented a snake because the drain in my garage wasn't draining, and I did it and I got the snake thing. But then I realized I probably should add Silas out there with me because how often does he get to see how a snake works? Yeah, and uh and you know, somewhere along the line I learned it and I've used it before, but it's probably because I was discipled in it as well. And so there's are these opportunities that we have that take a little bit more time, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And your wife probably wouldn't have let him out of school for it.
SPEAKER_02Well, he was doing other things, but I'm sure that I probably could have persuaded him to come and help me. Yeah, and you and you probably could have persuaded me to yeah, and so these these are just chances that that we have, and you know, and again, I sometimes get in a mindset of just crossing things off my list and not realizing that we have them under our roof for a period of time. And what a great opportunity, these divine opportunities. Um, and we know also, and I'll guess I I'll do that I'll phrase this more as a question than a statement, but as our kids get older, that doesn't really change. No, not at all. And and there's there's still a pace of of raising even older children that call you a lot on the phone and just need to talk, need to debrief their day. And that has required you to sometimes say, okay, everything everything needs to stop, you know, temporarily for this call, and and these calls happen. So how have you navigated that? I mean, that's because because you also are trying to get things done, yeah. And yet there's you know, and and some some of it is a is a byproduct of having a lot of children. Yeah. So, you know, 10 minute phone calls times eight, yeah, it really adds up. Yeah. Um, but there are these moments where you know you've had to really hit the brakes and just kind of say, Okay, yeah, we're gonna so how have you navigated that and what are some practical things that you've done?
SPEAKER_01I feel like it goes back to the holy opportunity thing that the Lord's, you know, these are these are moments with our children that I wouldn't trade for anything, and I might cry. But having my adult kids call and ask for my advice on little things like what should I do about diaper rash or how should I handle this problem at work or just those those places where they're inviting me into their adult worlds are more precious to me than I can describe. And so um setting aside my list of things that I'm working on, yeah, sometimes I have to mentally take a breath and be like, nope, Amy, this is way more important. And and then and then just engage with them because you know, when they're they're little, they demand engagement, you know, there's they're loud and noisy, but when they're older and they're they're taking a moment and they're inviting you into the world, we have an opportunity as moms and dads to be too busy for that invitation or to really prioritize that invitation. And there are going to be times when I am in something that I cannot set aside. But that need that's really the minority of the times. You know, I still have teenagers at home, and if they were needing me at those moments, I would have to explain that to one of my adult kids and make a callback, you know, so it's not like every single time it's a yes, but the majority of the time it's absolutely yes, where there's there's space and time for that. Um the other thing that the Lord really showed me and has, you know, a couple a couple of our kiddos are very much like me, and they have required more parenting in the teenage years, um, and not even teenage years. I would say that navigation from childhood into the teenage years that can sometimes be a tricky time and it requires a lot of energy and time. And I remember um when I was, you know, teaching school and I had six or seven, I never had all eight of them in school at once, but I think I did have seven of them in school at once. And when something would come up and I knew that I needed to stop what I was doing, which was teaching six other kids and having a baby there in the room, um, and go and take time with my preteen that was really needing me. And and those were sometimes frustrating moments internally, but I did really try to take those deep breaths and be like, okay, Lord, this is the most important thing that's happening in school today. And learning to see those behavioral outbursts is actually a gift from the Lord. Yeah. Because you guys, we can only parent the things that are manifest in front of us. We can't parent, you know, something that we don't see happening or, you know, something we wonder about. Those are things we pray into and we ask the Holy Spirit to show us. But when our kids are having, you know, Celtic meltdowns in front of us, you know, we have to, as mom and dads, begin to say, praise the Lord inside. Like, Father, thank you that I am seeing this and then it's coming out and manifesting. Thank you that you give me wisdom as a mom to walk through this with my kids. Holy Spirit, come and meet us in these moments. And so I would take my baby and hand them to hand her to one of our teens and be like, guys, do everything that you can do on your own to maintain moving forward in school. And I'll be back as soon as I can, knowing that those moments with my 11, 12, 13-year-old, it might take a while, but it's worth that time investment. And it's way, way more important than a grammar lesson. No, if they're hijacking school every single day, you know, 365 days of a year, we're talking a different problem here. Then that's just some sort of other manipulation going on. But for the majority of time, they're not hijacking, they're just something's just coming up that's needing me to be a mom and to parent and to be patient with all the other things that I think are my priorities and really focus on what's in front of me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I think, you know, just to again get to the root of the question, um, I think, you know, I think it's just resetting the metronome. I mean, there's a certain pace that we, you know, we live life. And sometimes with kids, you just sort of have to reset it to a lower pace. Yeah. And and just that's good. I think just for this podcast, like you have permission to do that. Yeah. And don't be so hard on yourself. I mean, if if that you know frustrates you, um, that's because you're human. Yeah. And and do the best you can to not do the uh really that that kind of response because we don't ever want our kids to think that they're an inconvenience. No, um, but it's hard. I mean, I sometimes sometimes it it's manifested as deep breasts. We've all been there. Um, but don't be so hard on yourself. It's it's you know, this is this is the part of the ebb and flow of parenting. Um, however, you know, do do the best we can to honor them, honor the assignment, slow down if we need to. And if we don't get everything checked off our list, the world spins. I've been told. Yeah. The word the world keeps spinning. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it does. But I do feel like that the metronome does the tick, tick, tick, tick, you know, because there is a speed that the world moves at, yeah, and it's accelerated greatly in our day and time. And that tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, that is part of what makes moms and dads frustrated when they have a baby that they've welcome into the world because that there's no possible way to maintain the typical pace of that. And so realizing that it's okay to reset your metronome, realizing that it's okay to know that you need to reset it and ask the Holy Spirit to help you because he does, he's practical, he wants to help you. Also, being aware that when our children are interrupting us from our perspective, it's actually a holy opportunity presenting itself before us. And sometimes that mindset shift really makes all the difference. I know it did for me.
SPEAKER_02So there is a genius somewhere in this world, and the genius is somebody that was a writer for the movie Zootopia, and they and they did the DMV scene with the sloth. And so if you've ever if you've never seen that, maybe you can just YouTube that one just just type in Zootopia DMV. And they have a sloth working at the DMV, and it is the perfect object lesson of patience. Yes, it is. And uh, so I'm just gonna just challenge you to look that up because it'll at least make you laugh and know that you're not alone when things are moving slower than you think they ought to. So let me pray. Father, I just uh I thank you for the fruit of the spirit. I thank you that patience is one of them, and it's there for a reason. Uh it's because you want us to love each other well. And so when we're parents, Lord, we um we have such a great responsibility to nurture the hearts of our children, to spend time with them, to not feel like they're an inconvenience, um, and to never let them feel that they're impinging on the ebbs and flows of our life each and every day as a family. And uh and so, although they do impinge in a good way, and so and so those are those moments, those holy opportunities. So, Father, For everyone who's listening to this podcast, I just I just release your spirit because it's a fruit of the spirit. So I just release the Holy Spirit into your home and into your heart so that fruit would be manifest uh and that you would have that tangible understanding of the important importance of patience for for your children. Uh and we pray that for ourselves as well. And we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
SPEAKER_00If you would like to submit a question for our show for John and Amy to answer, just go to our website at gofam.org and submit through the Contact Me page on our website. How you can partner with us is by finding us on social media, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, wherever you listen to your podcasts, and follow us there. Like, comment, interact with us so that we can boost our engagement and reach more people.