Creative Date Nights for Busy Parents on a Budget

How do you keep your marriage intentional when life is full, finances are tight, and you’ve got five kids competing for your time and attention? In this episode, we talk about practical, creative, and fun ways to prioritize date nights—even in the busiest and most financially stretched seasons. From simple at-home ideas to rethinking what quality time really looks like, this conversation will encourage you that connection doesn’t have to be expensive or complicated—it just has to be intentional.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Famology. We are Johnny and Amy Classen and we are co-founders of GoFam Ministries. So it's super fun that spring is finally, I think, here in Minnesota. It has been, I kind of feel like an early spring and then a super slow spring. Like in in the second week of March, I was like, oh, it's gonna be spring. And then it gets warm and then it cools off and then it snows. I should be used to this. I've lived in Minnesota my whole life, but I'm emphasizing super slow.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

It's been super slow. It's still been very cold.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

Except for yesterday and today.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

I've been a little whiny.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Yeah, he's been a little whiny.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

I'm kind of ready for spring. I feel like I don't mind the winter. I actually don't. You know that.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

You're right.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

But I'm ready for spring, and it feels like it's not really kicking out.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

It kind of teased us this year. It did. Spring, not spring, spring, not spring, spring, not spring.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

That's the way it's kind of been.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

We feel a little yanked around, and yet I look at the forecast and I have hope. Except for my birthday is this Saturday, and it's like like 38 degrees or something. It's true. But yet again.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

I know. I know. So anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

I know. I know. Well, today's question I think is kind of a fun one. And um, anyways, I'll be interested to see. I kind of feel like since this is it's we've only done this with each other, that our answers are gonna make. Well, I hope people have done it done it with each other. Yeah, I should read the question or else this is awkward. Okay. What are some fun ways to incorporate date nights when you are strapped financially and have a busy schedule plus five kids? And boy, can we we can resonate with this because we spent the first, I don't know, nine years of our life in in medical school and residency, and strapped financially was check, check, check all those boxes. Yeah, yes, and and time strapped for time, like there it was non-existent. So I am gonna let you start with this one and we'll see how our answers match.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Well, I think obviously the five kids is irrelevant because whether you have one kid or 20 kids, yes, you still need time for date night, no matter how. So it's um, but I get it, and and there's so many things that just happen with life. And so I think the first part of the question is is that we do believe that date nights are important. Yeah. Um, and uh, I don't think it's the end all and be all, but I think we have to carve out time for each other. And I think just the way life is, we have to be more perse purposeful than we've ever been. Um, just because it's it just fills up fast, and there's just things, and if you're not careful, you you realize that you've just gone a month or two and really haven't had time with each other, yeah. And and and we, you know, we teach this, we talk about this, that it's the most important thing. Yeah, um, it's more important than your schedule, it's more important, it's the most important um human relationship that there is, and so it has to be fostered, and there has to be some kind of downtime, right? I mean, where it's just you and I, and yeah, um, and so I Amy and I try to we're not great at this, but we try to like like have some boundaries around date night, meaning like it's not time to talk about our calendar, yeah, it's not time to go shopping, yeah. Although we do go shopping sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

I mean, you live 45 minutes from Costco. Costco kind of happens on date night.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

We just live in a rural area, and so when we're in Brainerd, we've got to get some things. We gotta get some things at Brainerd while we're there, and so that does happen, but we don't like it. No, and and we do say it out loud, like we shouldn't really be shopping right now, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:34

And if you protest, does that make it like it has an happens?

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Okay, as long as you acknowledge it.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

As long as you acknowledge you should not be at Costco on date. Right.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

So, and it's definitely not a time unless you know it's absolutely necessary to talk about finances. Yeah, finances are hard on marriage. Unless it's a finance date, you can call a finance date where that's the purpose of it, is to kind of, but you know, if you're if you're going through the budget, it's not terribly romantic. Um, and but not all date nights have to be terribly romantic because sometimes you just need time. But what happens is if we're not careful, is that you feel like it's the only chance you have. This is my one chance in the last two months to sit down and talk to you about finances. Yeah, so this is what we do, or we have to figure out the calendar, we have to figure out next month, and all of a sudden it becomes a business meeting. Yeah, and so we have to just re try to not do that. I um, you know, that's our guess our advice to you is is try to get that done beforehand, even yeah, take an hour before you leave on your date to get that done and then go on your date and actually have a date. Yeah, if possible.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Right.

SPEAKER_02 4:33

It's not rigid, but it's you know what I mean. Do you agree with that?

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Yeah, so I mean, just try to get some of the business stuff done so that we can just kind of talk about us or talk about our lives or things that motivate us. And um, so anyway, that's not really what the question is about. Um, okay, so I have written down, I can't read my own writing.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Oh he's a doctor, yes, and nobody else can read it either.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

We work very hard on that. Um, so some some do you have like practical ideas?

SPEAKER_01 5:00

I totally do. Yeah, I do too.

SPEAKER_02 5:01

I went all practical. So I'm thinking that going for a walk is a real practical, low budget way of talking to each other. Um, Amy and I like to walk, it's exercise. Um, it's it's alone, you don't bring your phone, you're disconnected. Um, and so we like to even like find places to walk, like you know, parks or yeah, along a river or something like that, um, because it's just prettier, you know. That's all. And so it's a little more isolated and secluded. Just make sure you walk where nobody can find you.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

And nobody meaning your children.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

Because we used to go. I mean, I'll I'll just be honest, and I'm sorry to any former neighbors who might be listening to this podcast. But we used to live in town, yeah, and you know, I was a doctor in town, and so I spent all my day talking to people.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

And I'd come home and Amy and I would go for a walk. Well, then we'd walk through the neighborhood and talk to all of the neighbors and all the people, which were which was which was fine. It's just it's just that's not what we needed, it's not what I needed. Um, and so you know, if you're gonna go for a walk, find a secluded place.

SPEAKER_01 6:00

Yeah, to walk. Okay, so I'll pass it back to you. Okay, so I just went old school, like this was our world for like 20 years. This is and it might might still be my one of my favorite ways to date you.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

So we always um pro tip early bedtimes for children are great for them, but they're really good for you. And any of my adult children who are listening to this know that they had an eight o'clock bedtime way past when other kids would have and they still grumble about it. I would let them read a book.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

This is gonna be about Jennifer Gardner, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Well, we would, I mean, it could be, I mean, if you want, but we used to um we would go to the little grocery store in town, yep, or a little Don and Dave store that's just right down the a little country store. Yes, and we would buy it like pizza rolls and katawba juice. And we would uh we'd put all the kids to bed.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Check the expiration dates.

SPEAKER_01 7:01

Yeah, and then you would get um our little, we'd get our wine glasses, which we just aren't wine drinkers, just not our thing, but we'd get our kataw juice because it's it's sweet and yummy and has bubbles. Made us look sophisticated. It did. We felt sophisticated, and we would have our kataba juice and our pizza rolls, and we'd have movie night. And we would just snuggle on the couch and have our snack and maybe, you know, uh pray the kids. And then, yeah, that everybody just didn't but and I remember one time we were having date night and Lydia, who was probably three or four at the time, she leaned her head down the stairs and she's like, What's that thmelimph melon? Because she smelled our popcorn. She figured the party, there the party had started after she had gone to bed. And it's like, nope, go to bed, go to bed, go to bed. Shoot. This is our time. But we would have date nights very frequently just in our own home, and we would pre-plan it so that we had something special to eat together. The whole thing would cost us ten dollars. Yeah, so it fit the it fit the inexpensive. We don't have a lot of mu money, and it also fit that we have a lot of small children at home, and you can't always afford to get a babysitter. Yeah, but it also gave us intentional one-on-one time together, and I still love it. I mean, we still do that every now and again, but now we have to wait till our children are gone. Uh older kids, teens, they go to bed after you. And so this kind of date just no longer works easily in our life. It will again when we are empty nesters. That's true. We're just not there yet. But I game on, we will be doing that. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. So that's one of my favorite ways to date.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

Famology feels a little bit like a game show because you know, we see if our answers match. But I do have appetizers, see, appetizer meals and movies. Yes. So that was one of the things. Yeah. Um, okay, so my turn. Yep. Um, so I'm these probably go together a little bit. Um, but but we and not everybody can do this, maybe, but um, you know, the whole picnic camping thing. Yeah. Like we've really enjoyed that. Yes. Um, and and and honestly, you can guys, you can score a lot of points if you just organize it all and she did score a lot of points. Pack the food, and it doesn't have to be fancy. In fact, that's kind of the whole point. It's camping. Um, so it doesn't have to be fancy, but just go grocery shopping, get some stuff, yeah, get the tent set up, and just make make an overnight of it or a couple days or a weekend or something like that. Uh, super inexpensive.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

It's very romance, as Louie would say.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

We're grandparents now. So it's it's a simple way of doing it. We really enjoy just being outdoors and um and doing those kind of things, but it's very, very, very inexpensive. You know, it doesn't cost any more food than you would spend at home. No, it's just a matter of it's more of an organizational thing. Yeah, and so if you can just spend a little bit of time putting that together and putting stuff in the trunk, you're ready to go.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yeah. And we we haven't done this a ton of times yet, but maybe three or four. But our first time was our 25th anniversary, and we were supposed to be on a Mediterranean cruise, and it was COVID year, and so everything shut down, and Johnny took me camping, and this is the only thing that was available. Yeah, it was the only thing we could do. Is we went to Alexandria, Minnesota. Woo-hoo! And it went to a little, I don't even know, was it a state park? Yeah, a little state park down there, and Johnny planned all the meals, and all he told me to do was pack my one bag, what I needed for in the tent.

SPEAKER_02 10:22

Everything was in tinfoil.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, and he did all the food over the fire, and it's kind of become a new tradition when we go camping, even with the kids that we just do see. I scored some points. He scored big points. It was like very romantic.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

It wasn't that hard to do, and so it was very fun, simple, simple thing to do. Um, is it my turn now?

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Uh no, that was your turn. That was mine, yeah. Okay. Uh mine, this next one uh is also extremely easy to do. Um, and I put easy in quotes because it's an easy to say it and not as easy to execute until your your kids have become accustomed to this. But one of the things, when all of our kids were at home, we would finish dinner and uh we would go sit on the porch or go sit out on our little rocking chairs, and um the kids would clean the kitchen and we would make the announcement do not interrupt us. Dad and I are gonna have 30 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. And we would go outside and we would sit-I think we said unless they're bleeding. Yeah, unless they're that we yeah, unless there's blood, we don't want to hear about it. You know, all squabbles have to be managed amongst yourself because I don't know about you, but kitchen cleanup time is the time for squabbles. I can be a little, you know, dicey sometimes. But I I we purposely took that time where the kids could see us, but they couldn't make draws on our time. And you know, occasionally there would be the knocks on the window frantically, and we're like, nope, nope, nope, I don't see blood.

SPEAKER_03 11:51

We are not responding to that. I don't see blood.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

Um, but that that is, you know, it's it's carving of daily time, and that we would try to do every night. Yeah, just because it's important to have conversation, to have those times that it can be that, hey, what do you think about this idea or or this happened today? And I just want to share that with you. And so it's an easy way to keep that place of intimacy without it costing a cent. But it does require you to intentionally teach your children that, hey, this time is sacred and it belongs to us, not you guys.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

It's an important message, and I think that's what this is really all about. And and really the heart of this question is we have a lot of kids and we're not rich, yeah, and we need time together. Like, how do you do it? And so I think I think it's it's sending it's sending a message, like you said, and it's not a bad message. No, in fact, in fact, I think the kids, you know, now more than ever, kids are looking for that security, yeah. Um, because marriages have not lasted, and they all have friends who have gone through you know some horrific things. Yeah, and so that you know, in deep down in their core, they're they feel insecure. And so when they see you go off and do things and say you can't bother us, this is our time, it it actually it actually does something to their psyche, does something to them um in their brain chemistry that brings actual security to them, and so you're doing them a favor. Yeah, um, so don't feel like even if they're knocking at the window and you're not listening.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Guess what? It's almost porch season, like it is porch season. That's fun. Porch date nights. Here we come.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

There we go. There we go. Okay, this is a super practical answer. Okay, but I think it's kind of fun sometimes when you when you save. And so I'm just saying there's there's there's ways that you can carve out date night and spend some money, um, but do it in a practical way, meaning you know, you put your coins in a jar, you get points for different things. Um, you know, we we use our credit card points, and so there is a way to, you know, as long as you're using it responsibly, yeah. Credit card companies know that they can suck you in um and that you'll end up spending more. But you know, if you if you can pay it off, you put things on a card to get points, then you pay it off immediately that month, you accumulate points, and that's for hotels and dinners and vacations and different things that way that add up. Um, and so we we use those quite frequently. I do. In fact, we haven't really paid for a plane ticket in quite a while, actually. Yeah, no, or or random hotel rooms that we need because that's but it's fun when we when you say that, and it's it's even fun sometimes when we go on a date and say, This is actually free, it didn't cost us anything. And you feel like you've kind of earned it if you're working together or setting a little bit of money aside every week for date night. Um whatever, you know, you just take your loose change and you put it in a jar and you say that's what we're going to use when we need it to go out on a date. And so not everything has to be free, yeah. Um, but but it can be intentional and you can it's kind of fun to prioritize it, you know what I mean, and to and to put this money aside.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

Yeah. And for us, we've had grandmas and grandpas close by that have just willingly taking in our kids for us when we need it just to get away for a night. Yeah, huge blessing. And if if you have grandparents, use them. Yes, yes, they want your babies just as much as you want to get away. We know this now for a fact because now we are the grandma-grandpa. Yes, everybody wins. Everybody wins. It's a win-win all the way around. Yeah, and um, so that's just a beautiful thing. And if you find yourself where your grandparents are farther away or are you know, you can you can still plan ahead and say, hey, would you be willing to come at such and such a time? And they most likely will be. If that's not the case, do a trade-off with another family in your church where you say, Hey, if we do one weekend a year getaways and we trade and take each other's kids, would you be willing to do that with us? Find people that are willing to to work with you on those kind of things. It would be fun for your kids if they're with your friend their friends and really fun for you as well.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

So and three times a year, um, we go to the wilderness fellowship and we do our marriage course there. Um, and so it's a marriage retreat weekend, um, which is super life-giving. Uh, we could give testimonies of breakthrough that's taken place there. Um, it's a great place to just un disconnect, find each other. It's beautifully, beautifully paced. You have time with each other, it's not just session after session. Um, but uh Amy and I are there teaching it, yeah, and uh and love would love to sew into you as well. And so just prioritize these things. It's it's kind of on a free will offering basis. And so if if you are financially strapped, I know that Randy, who runs this, his heart is just to get people there um to be fed. And so don't let he always says, don't let money be the reason you don't come. Um and so if that's something that you're interested in, um you can you can go to our website, yeah, gofam.org, uh, and look that up and sign up. It it fills in pretty quick.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

And so just plan ahead and we're there all uh the months we're usually there are April, October, and January. And so anyway, our our next one's actually in a week and a half from when we're recording this. I think this podcast actually comes out pretty close to our record date. So there is one coming up shortly if you're hearing this right away.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

And in conclusion, I think unless you have more on your no, I don't in conclusion, I think that we um, you know, some things are worth investing in. And so even though this is about we talked about being strapped financially, and I I totally respect that. At the same token, um, some things are worth investing in. And so when we see the importance of spending time with each other, um, it's okay to put your money there too, and just say this is this is what we're gonna invest in. We're gonna get a hotel, we're gonna get away for a weekend, and we're gonna just enjoy one another, and and that that has eternal consequences um in a positive way, and for your children. Um, and so you know, we we always decide what we are gonna invest in. Yeah, every every couple does. Yeah, and so you can say, Well, this should be rise a little bit higher on that list, that's good um and and prioritize those things. And so, you know, we put our money into a lot of different things, and so it might be a couple less golf rounds, yeah, but it's worth it to spend time with your wife, and um, so there's some things to think about that way too.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Yeah, I like it. Awesome.

SPEAKER_02 18:05

Okay, I'm gonna pray. Okay, Father, uh, we are so grateful for uh our spouses and for marriage and for loving us. And Lord, we just uh just thank you for these opportunities to connect, Lord. You you are a God uh who's all about connection, and you created us to to desire one another, to love one another, uh, and to value one another. Um, that's the way we're wired. And so, Lord, I thank you for my spouse. I thank you for the husbands and wives represented and listening to this podcast. And Lord, I just pray for creativity, uh, for priority, uh, for the the move of the spirit to just spend time with each other, enjoy one another, remember why you're married in the first place. Um, just time to disconnect from the rest of the world and even children and just find each other's gaze. And so, Lord, I just I just ask for those divine opportunities in all of these homes and families in Jesus' name. Amen.

unknown 18:59

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

If you would like to submit a question for our show for Don and Amy to answer, just go to our website at gofam.org and submit through the contact me page on our website. How you can partner with us is by finding us on social media, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, wherever you listen to your podcast, and follow us there. Like, comment, interact with us so that we can boost our engagement in the region more people.