inviting God Into Your Marriage: Practical Ways to Grow Spiritually Together

What does it actually look like to bring more of God into your marriage? In this episode, we explore simple yet powerful ways couples can invite God into their everyday relationship. This conversation will give you practical steps to cultivate a deeper, God-centered marriage.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hi, welcome to FAMology. We are Johnny and Amy Classen, and we are the co-founders of GoFam Ministries, and we are here to answer your questions about marriage, parenting, and family at large. And today's question is kind of it's kind of vague and deep and I kind of combined a few questions together.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Oh, you well, it was it was like two questions, but they were kind of the same.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:31

And so I I can just read it and we can kind of decide decide where we're heading with this one.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

All right.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

So how do we bring more God into our marriage? And then somebody asked, how do I become a more godly wife or a godly husband? And so I think they're kind of uh similar questions with the word godly as sort of the main word. Yeah. Um so what do you got?

SPEAKER_03 0:54

Well, I first of all, I I don't okay, just you know, this is just too many. I've got so many little things going on in my brain, but it's not about being a godly wife, and it's not about being a godly mother or putting the word godly on these different things that we do. It's like we just want to become godly.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Is godly an adjective? I'm asking my homeschooling wife.

SPEAKER_03 1:24

A godly wife, yes, it would be like so. Yes, I want to take it from being an adjective to being a noun.

SPEAKER_01 1:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Like we just want to be godly.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

I was just trying to learn whether it was an adjective or not. Is that the right word? Yes, it is. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:39

Yes, it is. Thank you. Thank you for that clarification. And so because when we ourselves become more like him, because that's what godly means, is to become more like God, yeah. Um, it spills out into every area of our life. It's every single facet of our life changes because the person in those areas has been transformed. And that's what it's all about. Yeah. Is I don't I don't want to be a godly mother and a crappy wife. Can I say that on that?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

It's our podcast. We can say whatever we want.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

You know what I mean? I I don't want that. I want you to be able to look at me and who I am and any facet and see God.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

I think I think it, you know, I struggled with this question because it's you did. Well, only because it's it's very simple. It's a very, it's a very vague isn't the right word, but it's just very open-ended. Yes. And and but I and so I I didn't know if I wanted to be like super nitpicky. Right. But I but I think I am because I think it matters. And I think it's exactly what you said. I'm agreeing, I'm agreeing with you because because I think that we can um we're both struggling trying to find the right word. I think we can try to like we can we can kind of retrofit our walk. Yeah, and and what I mean by that is is that okay, we have these things that happen in life, yeah, and then we ask God to sort of come and and help us so that we become more godly. Right. Where where I think it really goes the other way, so it's not it's not like I I have a spouse, yeah, or I am a spouse, and so how do I become more godly knowing that now I'm married to you? Yeah, versus I am godly, yeah, it's who I am, yeah. And because of that, how does it affect my spouse? Right. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 3:23

Yes, that's how exactly. And like I just feel like there's an internal core piece.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

And you might be thinking, what difference does it make? But I think it does make a difference because it's this there's a starting point. Yeah. And if the starting point is, is is who I am is a spouse, who I am is a doctor, who I am is a politician, uh whatever he calls you into, that's who I am. And then Lord, please help me. Right. You know, I mean that kind of thing. But that's not who I am. No, what I am is godly because of I surrendered my life to Jesus, and and I want to be more like him. Yeah, and so that that's my primary focus.

SPEAKER_03 4:02

I am a son or a daughter. I you know it always comes back to identity.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

That's what I put on my it, it always comes back to identity. So that's my starting point, right? And then I ask him, where does he want me to be injected into life? Yeah, well, you should get married.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

That was a good idea. That was a good idea.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

I feel like we should kiss you should be run the you know you already said the word crappy. I don't know if we I don't know if we should kiss and I just all of a sudden this would be getting a little racy. So um, anyway, um then I get injected to be a doctor, but I'm being I I'm a godly person asked to do something. Right, you know, does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 4:42

Yes, it does. That's how I felt so. I know, but it's hard to kind of put it into words.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

I for a while I'm like, what difference does it make? But I think it does make a difference. Yeah, and so so again, it comes to who I am, he fills me, yeah, and then I get to position myself towards my spouse, towards my children, towards my occupation, the things that we do.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

And I for me, it kind of feels like like putting like a shiny coat of paint on something. If here I am as a wife and I want to make it look better, how do I make it look better? How do I make it look godly? And I think my the what we're both saying, and we both felt about this, yeah, is that if you just are godly, being a wife doesn't require paint on top of it. No, if that makes sense. It's like it's like he wants to transform us in our inner man. Yeah, I mean, that's that's what he loves to do, it's what this Holy Spirit was given to transform us into the image of Christ. And if we just sit there a second, that's magnificent. And it's the answer to every one of our problems in life. And so if I if I am finding that there is a spot in our marriage that I am feeling frustrated or contentious, or I can identify something, and the Holy Spirit brings it to my attention. Hey, Amy, your internal response to Johnny in this area is not pretty, you know, which happens. He that's what the Holy Spirit does. He brings to my awareness areas that need his touch. And when he does that, I have a choice to make. And this is this choice right here, guys, is one of the most important choices on the planet. And I cannot emphasize it enough. When the Holy Spirit brings something to your attention that you are doing uh not spectacular at, we have the choice to ignore him, skirt around it, change the subject, or we have the choice to say, transform me. I repent, make me more like you. Right. And there that humble response of owning that place that needs transformation instead of moving on or getting busy and doing something else instead of allowing his change makes all the difference in the world. We have to be willing to, if we want to become godly men and women, yeah, receive his transformation and allow repentance and the blood of Jesus to do its work in our life. It's what it's it's the difference between it's everything, it's absolutely everything in the Christian walk. It is the journey of glory to glory living.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Well, and at the end of the day, and I and I love this question because I think it's a precious question. I mean, this is somebody asking, like, how how do I be better as a husband or a wife? That's a beautiful question. And so even though it's so super simple, I think it's it's very sweet. Yeah. And so the question is, well, what do I want for you? Well, what I want is is for the the I want the fruit of the spirit. I I want what what the spirit in me to demonstrate something to you. So what is that? Well, it's it's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. Gentleness. Gent I miss the gentleness. I'm just saying that's that's a great list. Yeah, and if and if I could be that for you, then I think I would be a godly husband. Like that's it. But but the point is, is that as that's the fruit.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Yeah, that's so good.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

It's the fruit, it's not something that I had to do or to try to do out of my own strength. Yeah, it's the fruit. And so I receive the spirit, that's who I am, that's my identity. And then you get the fruit, yeah. Hopefully. Maybe that's how it ought to work. So you get to pluck the gentleness and kindness and goodness from me because that's what I'm offering you. Um, but but it isn't because I am such a great tree, or I read a book about being a great tree, or I read a book about how my fruit could taste better. I mean, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I mean, those are all fine, and we can always learn to be better people. I never want to say don't do that, but but really what it's about is is who I am. Yeah, and then I hope that that that you receive that fruit. Yeah, does that make sense? Because as soon as we try to say how do I do it, yeah, that's as how do I do this? How do I become? Yeah, well, I'm not sure any of us are good enough.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Yeah, we we learn to let the Holy Spirit transform. And and if your goal is for love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness. Oh, I just can't say it out loud. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There we go. Um, we want those fruits to be what is harvested from our life. When there's a time that you're impatient, critical, yeah, and not very gentle, guess what, guys? It is not the end of the world because we have the blood of Jesus and we are repentance away from the good work of Christ happening in our lives. And so when we say this and you you're like, well, I'm not loving, I'm not, well, I'm not a very good tree. Guess what? Perfect because the Holy Spirit is a magnificent cultivator. Yeah, he is a fruit cultivator, and so don't despair, don't live in shame. Repent and come to him, ask the Holy Spirit to teach you, to show you, and he will do it. He's been super faithful.

SPEAKER_01 10:15

I, you know, I can be frustrating sometimes. So you don't have to agree. Okay, but so I don't I don't want to frustrate the person asking this question by by nitpicking. But the answer, the question is how do we bring more God into our marriage? And I guess my response is is is it's it's the wrong direction. Yeah, yeah. Um, because because it's how do we bring our marriage into the kingdom of God? Yeah, that that's that's the question. When we get married, we say, Well, Lord, use this in your kingdom. Um, and so we're we're entering into what he's doing, we're not inviting him into what we're doing. Yeah, it's good. Do you know what I'm saying? And I I I think it matters. I like I said, I'm not trying to be annoying because that can be kind of I mean, kind of annoying. Because because really what they're might be saying is, you know, we need to pray together, we need to read the read the Bible together, we need to do things together that that that feels godly. Do you know what I mean? And but I guess that's our point. I think we're kind of agreeing on this, is that we don't want to just look godly, we don't want to just do godly activities, although he might ask us to, and then we need to be obedient and do that. Um, but it's it's really about the relationship with him first, yeah, his kingdom, what he is doing. Our marriage enters into that. Yeah, my life enters into that. And oh, by the way, I'm married to this wonderful girl, and and and and because of that, she gets the fruit of that. Yeah, it has to flow in that direction. It's so important because I think we try to fix things the wrong way. Yeah, and so you can kind of say, Well, I'm not connected with my husband, and we don't feel very godly, so what do we do?

SPEAKER_03 11:43

So let's pray together every night and we make religion about it, you know, and and praying together every night is a great thing. Uh but when you do it because you're trying to be godly, yeah, um, he, the Lord, actually is the one that makes godly. We don't earn our way into it. And so we need to make sure I agree the direction matters.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

It's funny, it's funny because I I'm not sure most people would answer the question like we just did. Yeah. Um, but uh, but Amy and I have worked through this in our marriage and in our lives, yeah. Um, because religion is isn't pretty. No, it isn't. It's a burden. And if you've never heard that before, it we maybe need to explain what that means because you you think being religious is good, but there's this actually a spirit of religion that's that's about control, and it's about performance, yeah, and it's about judgment. Um, and and and the Pharisees and the Sadducees um operated in that realm, and Jesus wasn't a fan. And and he came to actually break that religious spirit and and actually usher us into what's called the kingdom, which is which is a different spirit, yeah, and it's a spirit of relationship, of connection, about knowing each other. Um, hopefully I define that okay. But Amy and I have worked really hard in our lives to break that, you know, and so we're kind of passionate about it, actually, that we don't enter into that. And so that's that's a really big response to a very simple question. Um, but we want to just make sure that we're not entering into that to that mantle of religiosity that says we need to look a certain way, and if we don't, how can we perform better to do that? Yeah, it's just the wrong question. Yeah, and and in fact, it's a very dangerous question because the enemy loves to distort and to twist that. Where really what Jesus came is to bring freedom from that so that we can operate in the fullness of who we are, and then we get to reap the benefit of who we are.

SPEAKER_03 13:34

So if you want to be a more godly wife, a more godly husband, which we do, which we do, the key, in my opinion, is learn to be a quick repenter. Don't protect your stuff. Yeah, don't don't try to make justification for why you're doing what you're doing and defend it. Be a become a person who quickly repents and invites Holy Spirit to transform whatever area that's needing him most now.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

And I think that speaks to the heart of the Father, because that's who he is, and so he he wants he wants you to quickly repent because that's his heart. Um and I I would say the key, I would answer it a little differently, I would just say the key is is just finding him, his gaze, like finding the way that he feels about you. Because because when when you're connected in that place, everything just looks differently. And so, so how can I be a better father? Well, it's it's finding his gaze, and and and here's the part that just floored to do that.

SPEAKER_03 14:36

Well, how do you find his gaze? If that is like a foreign concept to somebody, yeah, what would you say to me about that?

SPEAKER_01 14:43

You have to understand. Um I felt like I was gonna sneeze, but I didn't. Um, you have to understand uh that he is a relational God, and so you have you have to know that he's he's ready to comfort you, to talk to you. Um, I I I like the the picture of climbing up on his lap as a little kid and and and and sitting in that place where you can just hear his heart. And and and so I I think it really is that simple, but a lot of times it's just being quiet and being able to hear the Bible says he speaks to you in that still small voice, um, because he loves us. And so so you stay in that place until you feel his affection. Um, he actually touches you in that realm of your soul so that you are connected to him and you feel that. Maybe that is foreign to some people, but but it's not far away. No, that's so good. So foreign and far away, two different things. Um it might be new, but it's but it's right here. And Jesus said the kingdom of heaven is at hand, it's like right here, right here in front of your face. And so you catch his gaze, and and everything changes because he he speaks to you. It's it's the purpose of worship, yeah, it's the purpose of the Bible, yeah, is to bring you here. The purpose of the Bible isn't to bring you here into a page of book. Yeah, that's not the purpose of the Bible, it's to bring you here, it's to draw you into relationship with who the father is. And and when he connects with you, he gives you that place of identity, that place of worth, um, the place of purpose, all of those things that come from only from a father, nobody else. Amy can ever provide that for me, my parents. No, nobody else can ever do that for me. Yeah, only he does that, and so he connects there and you feel his heart. And and this is the part that floors me, is is I believe that when you're in that place, he trains you. Yeah, I I love I love that. I it's kind of a newer revelation in my life that I I'm not just a victim of my emotions, which is what the world tells us that we are. Emotions is all we have. Do whatever feels, whatever you're feeling. Yeah, we're we're that's not who we are. We're we're connected to him, and he actually trains us in how to feel, he trains us in how to emote, he trains us in how to love one another. Um, because that's what he does. He's a good father, he parents us, yeah, and he disciples us. And and so I love that. And so if we're struggling or we feel disconnected, he'll he'll he'll tell you how to do it. But I I don't think it's the self-help book at the grocery counter. I don't know. I just don't think that's the answer. It doesn't mean there aren't any answers in there. Yeah, it's just that I think he's the answer, and and he tells us and he fills us, you know what I mean? Yeah, and that's how I can be a better husband.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

It also better husband, better father, better, better grocery store shopper, you know, better church attendee, yeah, better Sunday school leader. Yeah. There's it it transforms your life. And yeah. Yeah. He's faithful.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

So you didn't get a 10 steps on how to be more godly or to we didn't offer that today, did we?

SPEAKER_03 17:41

No, but he's crazy in love with you, that I will tell you.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

And he doesn't keep a record of your wrongs, and he doesn't have a tally list of all the things that are in your past that are keeping you from him. He doesn't have that list, so it's time for you to let that list go.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Right.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Let it go and come into his embrace.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

And for those of you that marriage didn't go well, or you're divorced, or uh, or those of you that aren't married and you're thinking about it, or you're afraid of it, or you're thinking, What do what do I do to become a better husband? Or have you a better next time? Or or what do I do to have somebody fall in love with me? Yeah. I mean, all these questions that we ask. And the answer is not by your own strength, you know, it's by the power of the Lord transforming you. And then people will see your fruit, and you'll say, That's some fine fruit. Yeah, is what they'll say. And and somebody's gonna want to marry that. That that's what happens, and so it's you know, that that's the answer, is always that internal transformation that he provides through his spirit, yeah, isn't it? I mean, it's what it boils down to. All right, and so we we can become more godly, and he wants us to be more like him, yeah. Um, but it always comes from his face.

SPEAKER_02 18:57

Yes, yes, it does. It's the only face that matters.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

All right, I'm gonna pray us home here. Sounds good, Father. Um, it is about you and your your face and your gaze towards us and how much you love us. It's it's an inexplicable love. It's beyond what we can measure, yeah, it's beyond what we can understand, yeah, and we're never out of reach from it. Yeah, you you promise us that. Like like we could try to escape it and we wouldn't be able to, is what you say. And so, Lord, I thank you for your love. I thank you that it's you that brings us identity and our worth in us. And so, Lord, even to our listeners here who um I I believe this message was for some very specific people. I mean, I I think both sense that. Yeah, if that's you, I'm just asking for you just to receive the gaze of your father and his affection over you. So, Father, I just release your love, a baptism of love to the listeners uh today, Lord God, that you would just you would just overwhelm them, apprehend them, um, and that they would feel your pleasure because you love them so much. And Lord, then we just wait for the fruit. We wait for the the fruit of the spirit to flow through us as we are filled to overflowing with your goodness. That's our prayer. That's how that's how we that's how we do this family thing better, is by simply surrendering to you and finding who you are. And so, Lord, that's our prayer today in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

If you would like to submit a question for Johnny and Amy to answer on a future episode, head over to the FAMology page on our website at gofam.org, or simply click the link in the caption below. And if you're enjoying the show, be sure to leave a review or a comment wherever you listen or watch. It really helps us out. Thanks for tuning in, and I'll see you next week.