Listening to God's Voice in Your Marriage

How do you recognize God's voice when making decisions in your marriage? In this episode, we explore practical and biblical ways to hear God's guidance, strengthen your relationship through faith, and discern His direction together as husband and wife. Whether you're facing challenges, making important decisions, or simply seeking a deeper spiritual connection, this conversation offers encouragement and wisdom for building a Christ-centered marriage.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Hi everybody, we're Johnny and Amy Clausen, and this is FAMLogy, where we answer your questions about marriage, parenting, and family. It's actually three of our very favorite topics that we could talk about kind of all day long. And we do. Yep, and we do. And we do. We are mom and dad to eight children, uh, four sons and daughters-in-laws, and uh working on our seventh grandchild. In fact, number six is due this month. So we're kind of pumped about that. We're ready. Yeah, we're ready. Keep them coming, kids. Keep them coming. Yeah, it's good living. So this week, we also is kind of a big week for me. I uh our youngest child just started high school this past Monday, and that's a big one for me. Some emotions going on for this mama after this is year 26 of homeschooling.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

This one hurts just a little. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Yeah, I'm excited though, and she's excited, and it's always fun to learn. So this year will be no different.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

So they grew up whether we like it or not.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

Yeah, you know, yeah, they turn into amazing people though. That's the fun part.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

It is fun, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

It is fun, but it does have a little bit of an age. I know. And at the same time as our youngest is starting high school, one of our other kiddos is moving into her first apartment after college, and we we may have met on the stairs this morning and exchanged a few tears, Johnny and I, as we're like, really, this is happening.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

This isn't supposed to be a tearjerker podcast. But yeah, there's just some emotional. You hit me with both of those right off the bat.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

I know, and they're both your little girls.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

I know. I'll be okay. Oh my goodness. Yeah, she's just yeah, she's making it making it hard on me. I'll be okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

So they're doing great though.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Neither of them are getting married, so that's good for now. Because that'll happen someday too.

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Yeah, yeah, probably not very far away. So we have a fun question today. I am was excited to read this one, and I'm gonna just read it to you and you. Um, how can you listen and obey the voice of God in your marriage? And I think this is an interesting question because I think we think about obeying and uh hearing and obeying the Lord's voice in our own personal walks with the Lord, which is extremely important. But what does it look like to listen and obey in marriage?

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Well, and last week we talked about, you know, that balancing of ministry and family and and and the fact that it's not an either or, it's a both and, and we try to we try to navigate those waters when we're called into something. Um, and this is maybe even a little bit more of a general question, but I think it's a it's a different layer because we're talking about listening to God's voice, which I think everybody, including you who are listening to this podcast, yeah, want to. We want to connect to him and we want to only do what he asks us to do. Um, but we're not our own people. No, we're we're married and we're living in relationship in covenant.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

And so when it's time to do something, we have to together hear and obey the Lord's voice. So give me some examples that you can think of of times.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Well, in our in our own marriage, I mean there's been these transition points. Of course, we're living one right now. Yeah. Um, and you know, there's sort of this call to go into the public sector and politics and and end my medical practice. I mean, these are big things. Um, but you know, it was the Lord talking to me. Um, you know, and then I interestingly, this isn't typical for our marriage, but interestingly, I didn't have to convince you too much.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

No.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Um, because a lot of times that does that has happened in the past where the Lord has talked to me about something. I'm just giving examples.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Yeah, no, I want to hear it.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

It's not exclusively that he only talks to me, but I'm just saying as he has talked to me, um, sometimes you've needed some convincing. Yes, absolutely. This isn't one of those, interestingly. No, which is such a huge transition in our life. Um, and yet Amy was just completely all in and kind of ready to go.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

But I'm I just want to I want to dive into this because when you're thinking about how do you know when you've heard the Lord's voice. And and for me, in this circumstance, um, when Johnny, he there was a moment where he turned to me and he said, I think I feel like I'm supposed to run for office. All I can tell you is that it dropped inside of me like this knowing that I just knew that that was right. Yeah, I it was unexpected, I didn't see it coming, but at the same time, the Lord, I could just feel I could feel that the Lord was in it, and I knew that I knew that he had to.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

And it was more of a knowing than a hearing or anything else.

SPEAKER_00 4:58

And I've and I've learned to sort of try to approach these things with you gently. Yeah. And so I think it was something like, what would it look like if that's kind of how I approached it? It wasn't like this is what the Lord had said. Although once I told you my conversation with the Lord and how he clearly opened the door, yeah. Um, then it was maybe a little bit more obvious to you and to the children, you know, that this was the right thing to do. But that's just one example. There have been moments throughout our marriage of going into ministry or picking up this part of our life or setting down this part of our life or spending money on this or not spending money on this, or you know, what what you know, trying to help our children navigate some waters, and and those are all examples. I mean, life is is you know, hundreds of small decisions a day, and and we want them all connected to the father's voice, right? Um, you know, and we tend to bring the big things to him. We don't always bring the small things to him, but we should. And you know, and so um, you know, there's there's microcosms of those small decisions and big decisions that we make all the time and try to be connected to him. Do you have some examples that you have?

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Oh, there we have a lot, and I think that's uh that's one of the fun parts of being our age is I feel like he we've lived a lot uh 31 years next week for us. 31 years of married life, we faced a lot of decisions, and I feel like I feel like the Lord's faithfulness in speaking to both of us has given me just strong confidence in that. Um, but way back in the day, I wanted to homeschool and you weren't so sure. You were like, hey, I'm a public school kid. Yeah, he grew up, he went through the public school system and it was it was fine for him. And and so that was kind of a big decision. And I remember when we finally reached the point where you were like, okay, let's try it for one year. And that's what we said for about probably the first three years. You know, each year was like, well, that went really well, let's try it another year. Yeah. And we just kind of dipped our toe in the water a little bit. Um, but it wasn't that I just made the decision that our we're gonna homeschool. Right. It was we there was a waiting process uh for him to get on board and to, you know, because sometimes when we hear the Lord's voice, we can't understand how other people don't see it instantaneously. And there's often a process in marriage. And so I happen to be married to a dreamer and he is visionary and he sees things about 10 years out. And I am a practical girl who sees the laundry that needs to get done today, and how am I gonna get groceries on the table with our our growing family? And I tend to be more practical, yeah. And so it's been a stretching thing for me as you have repeatedly in my life uh tossed things before me that I never saw coming, and this year was one of them starting going into ministry.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Making your life interesting, actually.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Yeah, when when um the Lord called us into ministry, that was a a fun thing because I was having my quiet time one afternoon when the kids were napping, and Johnny was driving home from work that same day, and he was having a conversation with the Lord, and and the I had a conversation with the Lord, and the Lord said to me, you know, it's like it's time for the things that I've been giving you to eat as bread for your family that you begin to sow as seed for others. And when he said that to me, I knew that that was a transition word, you know, and um and you came home and you're like, honey, I we have to talk. And that particular time the Lord prepared me, but it's not always the case. No, I haven't always been pre-prepared. Sometimes I get sidelined and it takes me a second, but because I need to bring it before the Lord and sit on it.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

Well, I think where the rubber meets the road in this conversation is you know, the the the how do you move forward? How are you sure that you're hearing? Um, do you hear it all? Are we are we just going on our own emotions? Those are those questions that you guys are probably thinking when you hear a question like this. How do you listen and obey the voice of God? Well, the voice of God that sounds like bum-bum bum, you know, that's a big thing. Um, and yet, you know, we are his children and he speaks to us. And so I I think at the very root level of even some of these examples that we've given is, you know, how did we know? And and how how did we listen? And and how are we sure that we move forward um obeying his voice? The short answer is we don't always know. Um we're human beings. Um so we do the best we can to try to connect with his voice and try to feel his peace in something. Um, but maybe we haven't always done that perfectly, got ahead of our skis a little bit. Um, but but the but the reality is, and I want everybody to know this, that the father speaks to us. Yeah, period. End of sentence. He speaks to us and he wants to speak to us because he's a good dad. Yeah, and so he wants to guide our steps and he takes care of us. I'm only emotional because he's been so good to us. Yeah. But and so his his heart is to always help us and to guide us and take care of the big decisions and the small decisions, and he's in the middle of it all because that's that's his heart for us.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

So I'm just grateful. That's why I'm a little emotional. But um, so the so the question is is is is is that when we bring these things before the Lord and He brings things before us, I think, I think it is truly a conversation that has to take place. And I I I'm I think I'm guilty in our marriage of being a little bit more of the analytical one. That tends to be the case with men and women. Men tend to be a little more analytical, women tend to be a little more feeling-oriented. You know, why shouldn't we do this? Because I just don't feel like it's right, is what you've said to me.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

It's very valid.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Oh, it's just, you know, it's just the phrase of death, you know, it's like, what does that mean? Like you have to give me facts and evidence.

SPEAKER_03 10:36

You've come to trust it, though.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

I've come to trust it, you know. And I also think there's the process. Um, but I've at least I hope you have telling you you've come to trust it, I have. And and I think you've come to trust the process too, where you know, if there isn't peace on this end either, or you you let me do my research and you let me lean in and find out whether it's the right thing to do at the right time. And and and I think the Lord uses both. And so I don't want anybody ever to feel like you know that every moment is a Mount Sinai moment where it's clear direction and things are written on tablets, and you walk down and say this is what we're supposed to do. Yeah, it doesn't always work that way, nor does I think he wanted it that way, because he wants us to make decisions through relationship. Yeah, and so he he speaks to us and our and nurtures our spirit and connects with us, and so I think that's what he wants. Yeah, um, super practical though, and I think it's very important, yeah. Um, that you know, unless it's two yeses, it's a no. And that's we we have to get to this point in every marriage where we're like, okay, if we just don't feel like I have peace about this, then unless it's two yeses, it's a no. And so, you know, uh if Amy said I just don't have peace about running for office right now, like this isn't the right time, um, then then it's a no. I mean, it that's how it is. And it doesn't mean that she heard right and I heard wrong or I heard wrong or she heard right. It's just that we don't have the peace to move on yet because we're one. Yeah, and so this is a marriage question. Yeah, so how do we listen as as as husbands and wives? We listen until we both have a yes.

SPEAKER_03 12:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Um, and that's I think really important.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Yep, and it can't be can it I say it can't be, but it could be, but it true it shouldn't be contentious in the wait because we're for each other and whatever the Lord's calling us to, it's for our better, and it's gonna be from glory to glory because that's how it moves. But if I'm feeling unsettled or not quite feeling the timing, sometimes, sometimes that's how the Lord works too. And he he paces us and he knows each of our hearts. And as long as we're turned towards him, yeah, and and wanting to hear his voice, it's all fine. And Johnny, well, he's waiting for me to get on board with his vision for the next thing. Um he's not angry at me, he's not impatient at me. He's not, you know a little impatient sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 12:56

But really, yeah. I mean, just he fakes it really well. I have problems with patience. I think this was covered in a previous podcast.

SPEAKER_03 13:03

You've you've you've faked it really well. But try not to let it be a place of contention in this wait, because not seeing eye to eye doesn't have to be a horrible thing. Because wherever the Lord's taking you, he's fine-tuning it that when you do see eye to eye and you both have peace, it's going to be a better decision than it would have been one or the other alone.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

I think this is this is a famology moment. I mean, I think I think this is a real teaching moment because I think that from a real practical standpoint, it can look differently depending on the circumstances. What I mean by that is is there may be some decisions that we make that I trust her so much, and I just don't have a feel either way. Right. And so I can just say, when it comes to your homeschooling curriculum, honey, you just make that decision. Like it doesn't have to necessarily be two strong yeses. I just endorse whatever decision you make because you you've you've forgotten more about homeschooling than I'll ever know. And so that you just have a wealth of knowledge, and so I just trust you in that. That's how I that's how we are when we buy cars. Like I research it, I know it, I just feel like it's the right time. Amy usually says, Well, if you feel like it's the right time, then let's just do it. And and so that's a yes, even though she didn't necessarily is emotionally involved. Yeah, I think it can be I'm not so sure, or I might even disagree, but let's give it a try. That's how we did it with homeschooling. Yeah, that would be an example of that. Yeah, but we gave it a try. Like, let's let's give it a year and let's just see. So for now it's a yes. Yeah, but after a year, let's revisit it and and we understand there's no hard feelings either way. If it's a no, then yeah, just it wasn't a good fit. It just didn't, you know, and you just happened to fall in love with it. And so I became more convinced that it was the right thing to do and the rest was history. Um, and then there's you know some of these other decisions too, where sometimes it's just I I it's not a no, but it's it's a not yet. Yeah, like I think it's great that you run for office, but you know, maybe next cycle. Let's just hit it next time. Let's just kind of put it aside and let's just see. We've had those moments too, where it's like, ah, I just you know, I feel like, and that maybe it's more in this direction because I am a dreamer. Great idea, honey. Yeah, you might say to me. Yeah, great idea. Let's just let's sit on that for a bit and let's just kind of see what happens. So it's not even a no, but it's not, let's move forward with it today. Yeah, and then I think there's a bigger decisions like, you know, I'm gonna quit my job and I'm gonna run for something else and do this. I mean, those are decisions where we I think we really do need two clear yeses. And so, so any of those things can happen in a marriage, but none of them are is this. None of it is this. You may go ahead and you do it, and if you crash and burn, it's on you, baby. That's not how you do marriage, that's not what a covenant is. And um, and so I think that that that's the only thing I would caution people on is if it's ever contentious, where it's like, okay, I throw up my hands, I wash my hands of this, this is your deal. Um, if it works, great. If it doesn't, don't blame me. Um, sometimes we do marriage, but that's not how marriage works. Um, and so I would just say, of all the choices, that isn't one of them. And if it really comes down to that, then the answer is no. You just don't do it and you just wait. How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Yeah, I I agree. The other thing that I think is very important when we're talking about hearing the voice of God is sometimes we can be manipulative with our spouse by the way we phrase that. Because if if we if we just say, God told me we're supposed to sell our house and move to Arizona, yeah, and then our spouse is is no longer arguing with you or having a discussion with you, they're having a discussion with God. And so I feel like, you know, in Johnny at the beginning, he said, Well, I'm wondering if maybe I should, you know, run for office. He didn't say to me right off the bat, God said that I'm supposed to run for office.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Because it it sets the ante right here, and it also means I hear God really well. And if you see anything different than this, you're just wrong. Just get on board, baby. Yeah. Yeah. And then that's that's not okay, actually. It's very manipulative. Yeah. And so when you're in a Christian marriage and you both have your heart turned towards the Lord, we also have to assume a position of humility where it's like, hey, I'm gonna submit this to you. This is what I'm feeling, this is what I'm thinking. Yeah. What are your thoughts? So let's pray into this because God may I this is kind of what I'm hearing him say, but I'm not, you know, we just need to, we need to be humble and not assume that we hear perfectly because none of us do.

SPEAKER_00 17:21

I well, that I couldn't agree more. You just took the words out of my mouth. I think I think it's the highest form of arrogance to say I hear God perfectly. Yeah, not only perfectly, but better than you. Yeah, so you just need to come along and just do what I think is right. I think I think it's super manipulative. Super manipulative and dangerous. Um, and I just don't believe it's the heart of the father. I think because because he loves us and he loves us as a oneness unit, that he's going to give us that revelation together to operate in that. Now, uh one other point to this too. Do you want do you have anything else on that specific point? The other point is is that the result of our decision doesn't always is always isn't always indicative of obedience. Yeah. So we can't use the result of what we decided together to determine whether we obeyed correctly or not. Sometimes he just draws us into things to see if we're going to obey. Yeah. And he's looking for radical people to radically listen to his voice, even when it makes no sense.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:17

So I want you to bring Isaac up on the mountain and kill him.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:21

You know, it makes no sense. That doesn't even sound like the heart of the father, whatever. But he's just looking for somebody to radically say, okay, yeah. If that's what you're telling me to do, that's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, and so it's it's these it's these moments in our walk in faith, yeah, that sometimes he just asks us to do crazy things that make no sense.

SPEAKER_03 18:39

And we don't have to see the end result on planet Earth to know the value of our obedience. Right. We aren't measuring our life from uh this temporal place. Right. That's not the not the yes or no.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

And when we operate, I believe, in oneness and we and we understand that we're jumping off the cliff together no matter what this looks like, it's terribly romantic.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

It is very romantic.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

It really is.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Like we're it's as you would say, it's very romantic.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

Very romance. If we go down, you know, we're going down together, baby, and it might be a big flame of mess. Yeah, um, but it's a decision we made together. And there's something beautiful about that, and I and I love that, and we've done we've done that too.

SPEAKER_03 19:19

And we say that to each other. Well, this is this is we need to make a decision. This is the best decision that we're making together. Yeah, and sink or swim, here we go.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Right. It's true. It's sink or swim. It's sink or swim. You know, and that's but we do it together. He's just asking us to jump. And when we both have peace about the jump, yeah. Um, and and if we don't, and if it's not two yeses, it's a no, then we just wait. Yeah, because because we boy, we don't wait well. No, as a society, as a culture, we just as critical as we think. No, we just don't want to wait. Yeah, and and and waiting sometimes is really important because he can, you know, I I think I'm a good father, and I know that he is. And so wouldn't it be great if he gives you a little bit of warning and say this is what we're gonna do, but he says, just not yet. What's wrong with that? Yeah, and so but we just get really uncomfortable with that sometimes, and so sometimes there is just a timing, and sometimes he's like, Don't even think about it, just do it. We've had those moments too. Yeah, we've so clearly heard, yeah, and it's so clearly a yes, we're just not even gonna think about it so that our brain can talk us out of it. Yeah, we've had those moments. Um, but sometimes it is this is where I'm taking you. Um I'm going to mature you, yeah. I'm going to give you the resources that you don't have yet.

SPEAKER_03 20:28

Abraham waiting for Isaac.

SPEAKER_00 20:30

And so you just, you know, you wait till the resources come in and you wait until he draws you into those things. So I mean, but I think those are ways. This is the beauty of marriage. And I I know some people might be listening that aren't married, and that your your day may come. But this is the beauty of marriage, is that we have each other. That's you know, we're stronger together. Yeah, a cord of three strands is not easily broken. That's it's it's a biblical truth that shows why he does it, so that I don't do stupid things all on my own. Yeah, and so you know, he who has a wife has a good thing, and you know what I mean? And so, I mean, that's and it makes sense because we're we're running these things by each other. So I just encourage you to get in the habit, even of the smaller decisions, just start working out in the gym of the metaphorical gym. Metaphorical gym of oneness where you're making decisions together, yeah, and you're not pitting yourselves against each other and you're not setting each other up for failure. Um, you're not removing yourself from the equation. None of those things are healthy, yeah. But that we move together and make these decisions. I just I just believe it's the center of his heart.

unknown 21:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

I I have over the years become so convinced at our ability to make better decisions together than apart that even when we're picking out a couch, I don't want a couch but on the eyelid.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:46

Once we wait and flip the code. You would like to submit a question for John. And if you're either one of us would pick up, head over to the FAML and it's on our website at both fam.org things. Or simply click the link in the caption below. If you're enjoying the show, be sure to leave a review or a comment. Like if we vote, it really is. We're both gonna like it.

SPEAKER_00 22:04

Thanks for tuning in, and I'll see you next week.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

It's a worth the process.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

And we order not to stress out about it if we don't have an instant answer. You and I like to get things done.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Yeah, we do. Ask our children.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

I know we're both a little bit two type A's that married each other, which is, you know, that's okay. But we get things done very quickly. And once we make a decision that we want to do something, like remodel our house, yeah, it's done in two months. We had it done just, you know, we just decided to go ahead and do it. That's just kind of how we roll. Yeah. Um, but we're also learning too to be like, okay, if we just haven't found what feels right in a situation, that we just simply wait. And I think it's a beautiful word, waiting on the Lord. Yeah, yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

This actually is one of our very favorite topics. Yeah. Just in our own personal lives. And its value.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

It really defines what marriage is. Yeah. Because we do, we make decisions all the time together, you know. Um, but it's together and it's in oneness. Yeah. And you know, that's another whole conversation for another day. But I but I but operating in that place of oneness is really what he's designed us to be and to operate in. And so it's it's the beautiful example, of course, of the bridegroom and his bride. He wants to commune with us, he wants to make decisions with us. Um, he could just be commander in chief, yeah, and he could just run the show as the bridegroom. Um, but that's not how he set it up. He actually says he says that we're one and he's the head and we're the body and we're connected and we're inseparable. And so he wants to make those decisions together, and it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 23:29

It is a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

Should I pray?

SPEAKER_03 23:32

Yes, I think you should.

SPEAKER_00 23:34

Yes. So, Father, we do thank you for marriage. We thank you for for how you set it up. We thank you for the covenant therein, and we thank you, Lord Jesus, that we that we operate not alone uh as human beings, we operate together as husband and wife, but we are also intimately connected with you and your voice. And so, Lord, for everybody listening to this podcast, I just I just pray an intimacy, um, a clarity of voice uh that comes from the Father to his children. And Lord, even as there's decisions that need to be made and transitions that we live in, Lord God, I just release your your voice, your presence, your encounter uh with these married couples listening to this podcast, that they would hear your voice clearly and as they turn their hearts towards you and connect to you, uh, that they would hear you and they would know your voice. Know means to be intimate, uh, be intimate with you and connect with you on a personal level. And so, Lord, I know that we we don't live separate, we live connected. And so, Lord, I just thank you for that. And I thank you that you are a God who is not far off, but you are a God who is close to us and desires to be with us and cares about all the little decisions. And Lord, I just want to just say to you as I pray and close this podcast that I'm so thankful for your faithfulness to us. And I pray this in Jesus' name.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

Amen. Amen.