A Conversation with Dr Hayley D Quinn: From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion (Part 1)

In this spacious and nourishing episode of The Practitioner’s Heart, Poh sits down with Dr. Hayley D. Quinn — mindset and wellbeing coach, former clinical psychologist, author of From Self‑Neglect to Self‑Compassion, autistic/ADHD woman, and one of the most compassionate humans you will meet.

This conversation unfolds like a heartfelt offering — exploring joy, identity, compassion, and what it means to live from our inner wisdom. 

In Part 1, we explore:

• How Hayley finds joy in simplicity, relationships, and everyday moments
• Her courageous decision to step away from the protected title of “clinical psychologist” after 20 years
• The deep identity work required to let go of a long‑held professional self
• How neurodivergence (autism + ADHD) shaped her understanding of energy, work, and sustainable wellbeing
• What a compassionate relationship with oneself actually looks like in daily life
• Practical tools from Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
• Becoming your own fondest friend, greatest cheerleader, and wisest inner guide
• How checking in with ourselves mirrors how we care for those we love

This is a gentle, heartfelt episode for therapists, psychologists, healthcare workers, and spiritual seekers wanting to deepen self‑compassion, reconnect with their inner wisdom, and live in alignment with their wise compassionate Self.

Part 2 will be released next week, exploring burnout, self‑neglect, and building sustainable, neurodiversity‑affirming ways of working.

About Our Guest - Dr Hayley D Quinn, mindset and wellbeing coach

Dr Hayley D Quinn is a mindset and wellbeing coach, speaker, trainer and former clinical psychologist. She is a late-identified proud Autistic woman with ADHD. Hayley is the author of From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion: A compassionate guide to creating a thriving life. She is the host of the Welcome to Self® podcast and past president of Compassionate Mind Australia. Combining clinical expertise, Compassion Focused Therapy training and lived experience to help people prevent burnout, prioritise wellbeing and create thriving lives and businesses that feel meaningful and purposeful.

Resources & Links:

1. Learn more about Hayley's work https://drhayleydquinn.com/

2. Buy Hayley's book, From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion: A Compassionate Guide to Creating a Thriving Life. 

3. Follow Hayley on Instagram

Disclaimer:

The content discussed in this podcast is for inspiration and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for therapy or clinical supervision, and our time together does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. Please seek professional support if you are in need.

Transcript

[00:00:00] Poh Gan: Hey, welcome to the practitioner's heart offering practical Buddhist wisdom for therapists and healthcare workers. If you are keen to deepen your practice beyond the theoretical understanding of Buddhism, if you are finding it hard to calm your little active mind after therapy work, I welcome you to join me to dive a little deeper.

[00:00:36] Each episode I'll be sharing some common issues that therapists may face when integrating and practicing awareness, compassion within themselves, and also supporting clients. I'll be sprinkling some pearls of wisdom that I've learned from my master and teachers that will be helpful as internal resources.

[00:00:58] I'll also be [00:01:00] interviewing other therapists who are on these spiritual paths together to share their experiences of how they practice wisdom and compassion in their daily lives. I want to let you know that you're not alone. You are part of a bigger community who aspire for greater soul alignment, growth and awakening that we can strike a balance of juggling our busy modern life as therapists with a clear mind and an open heart. I hope to inspire more practitioners to explore deeper spiritual meaning and purpose on our path to enlightenment. I'm your host, Poh Gan, a psychologist, a Buddhist practitioner, a parent of two children, a fellow human being with a busy mind but with a great inspired vision for collective awakening. [00:02:00] Let's begin.

[00:02:12] Poh Gan: I'm excited to share this episode that I recorded with Hayley on my birthday. Haley was very kind to ask if I wanted to reschedule it, but I say no because it would been very nice to be able to have a heart to heart conversation with Hayley, who is one of the most kind and compassionate person that I know.

[00:02:38] So it felt like a nourishing conversation. A present for myself. So in the conversation we explore what brings her joy, how she came to reshape her career in a way that truly fits her. The profound identity work behind stepping away from the psychologist [00:03:00] title after two decades in the profession. We also talk about cultivating a compassionate relationships with ourselves, not as a concept, but a lived daily practice. And she share many practical tools from compassion focused therapy and speaks beautifully about becoming your own wisest guide and fondest friend. So the conversation as I was doing the editing actually reminded me of a book chapter from Reverend Ming-An Chen, and he's one of my teachers and his book about the dynamics of the mind.

[00:03:52] There is a part that about the mind and the Buddha nature. I'm going to read these [00:04:00]part exactly from the book for you. Our Buddha nature is absolute reality. It is limitless, boundless, omnipresent, all- permeating and complete. Why is our innate Buddha nature most compassionate? When you are up in the heavens as a heavenly being, your Buddha nature is with you as a heavenly being. Why is that so? Because a heavenly being also has awareness. Otherwise, how can a heavenly being function? Similarly, whether you are a human or an ant or an animal, your Buddha nature is also with you. This is why your Buddha is the most [00:05:00] compassionate. So this is the part that I wanted to share with you because when Hayley talked about cultivating this relationship with ourselves and letting go of that toxic relationship with ourselves, it feels to me that Hayley is aligning herself closer and closer to the innate Buddha nature, which is the most compassionate. It is true that this part of us who knows all of our history, what we have been through from baby, all our life experiences that shaped who we are as a human being, is here with us at all times no matter what our experiences are. Even the times when we are experiencing pain and suffering, even the times when we experience love, joy, excitement, this pure awareness is with us, [00:06:00] no matter what, as a silent witness of all our experiences.

[00:06:07] And no one understands ourselves better than this part of ourselves, isn't it? This wise, compassionate self. So when we return back to this pure awareness through imagery, meditation, somatic exercises, embodiment of compassionate self, we will find ourselves leading our lives from the perspective of our own wisest guide and fondest friend, a clear, pristine aware state of being. Anyway, I think I rambled too much. One day, I would love to have a community where we can practice meditation, read dharma books and discuss all [00:07:00] of these topics even more. So it's my vision for the community. So keep an eye out and maybe in the second half of the year that I will organize something like that for the podcast listeners.

[00:07:15] Anyway, settle in. The first part is spacious and nourishing. I hope you feel the same sense of calm and clarity I felt when I was speaking with Hayley. And the next part, part two, will be released next week, we will move into the realities of burnout, the patterns of self neglect we often see in therapists and helping professionals and how to build sustainable work that supports our wellbeing in neurodiversity affirming ways.

[00:07:52] Let's dive in.

[00:07:55] Welcome to the Practitioner's Heart Podcast, a space where we explore the [00:08:00] inner life of psychologists, therapists, and healthcare professionals where Buddhist wisdom and contemplative practice meets everyday practice, where we honour the tender human parts of doing this work. I'm very excited to have Hayley, Dr. Hayley d Quinn on my podcast today. Dr. Hayley d Quinn is a mindset and wellbeing coach, speaker, trainer, and former clinical psychologist. She is a late identified proud autistic woman with ADHD. Hayley is the author of From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion, A Compassionate Guide to Creating a Thriving Life. She is the host of the Welcome to Self Podcast, and past President of Compassionate Mind Australia. [00:09:00] Combining clinical expertise, compassion focused therapy training, and lived experience, Hayley helps people prevent burnout, prioritize wellbeing, and creates lives and businesses that feel meaningful, purposeful, and deeply aligned. Welcome Hayley. Welcome to the podcast.

[00:09:23] Hayley Quinn: Thank you so much. Thanks for having me on. 

[00:09:27] Poh Gan: It's so cool to be able to have you on our podcast because we have knew each other for some time and being in the same coaching group together, to be able to witness your journey so far, really admire your strength and your ability to carry it through. So it's very good to be able to have you here. 

[00:09:51] Hayley Quinn: Thank you so much. It's lovely watching you do all the things that you are doing as well. 

[00:09:57] Poh Gan: That's cool. So Hayley, [00:10:00] let's start with what brings you joy lately.

[00:10:05] Hayley Quinn: Oh, gosh. What a great question. What brings me joy lately? Well, I'm very fortunate that I live up at the beach, so just being close to the water and near the beach brings me a lot of joy. But I think probably the biggest thing for me at the moment is the people in my life. I've got a lot of, you know, my, my family, but also some friends in my life that I really value the time that we spend together.

[00:10:29] I was very fortunate to be able to go down to Melbourne and attend a two day conference and stay with a dear friend Emily, and that was really lovely. 

[00:10:39] Poh Gan: Emily Wilkinson. 

[00:10:40] Hayley Quinn: Yes. Yeah. 

[00:10:41] Poh Gan: That's lovely. Yeah, 

[00:10:44] Hayley Quinn: so that was really lovely. I think coming back to the simple things in life for me is what brings me joy at the moment.

[00:10:52] Poh Gan: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:52] Hayley Quinn: Mm-hmm. 

[00:10:53] Poh Gan: Especially in the world situations where we are in at the moment, there was lots of uncertainties and it's [00:11:00] good to be able to see the simple joy in our life and really appreciate those moments, isn't that? 

[00:11:07] Hayley Quinn: Yeah, absolutely. I have a regular gratitude practice and that's been really helpful for me

[00:11:14] in many different ways. But I think one of the things it does is really help me come back to the small things where I have an adult son. And I always used to say to him, get excited about the little things because the big things don't come across life that often, but if you can get excited about the little things in your life and really appreciate those, then you'll have a beautiful life.

[00:11:36] Poh Gan: Oh, I love that. I think I'm going to start talking about that a lot more with my son. That's beautiful. So I guess, Hayley, you have been quite, amazing. From where I knew you when you were a clinical psychologist and you were doing a lot of work around compassion focused [00:12:00]therapy and now you have bravely let go of your psychologist title and deregistered. And then now you are a mindset and wellbeing coach. So I guess perhaps would you like to start off telling us a little bit about what you're doing right now and also, what started the path of helping?

[00:12:24] So I'm happy for you to share whatever. 

[00:12:27] Hayley Quinn: Yeah. So yeah, I was a clinical psychologist for almost two decades, and that had been a big journey. I was a single parent when I went to university and went through that long road of becoming a psychologist. And it was a tough road. It was a lot of work.

[00:12:43] It was very rewarding. I loved the work that I did in psychology, but I guess over time, my business had kind of evolved that I was doing more things. I was doing clinical psychology, I was doing supervision. I was training other people in compassion focused [00:13:00] therapy, but I was also having people come to me who wanted to understand how they could create their businesses without burning out, without impacting their wellbeing.

[00:13:11] I'd had a very significant burnout in 2016, so I've spent the last decade myself kind of looking at how can you live life in a way that doesn't lead to burnout. And I became really passionate about that because within the psychology profession, I was seeing a lot of people burning out and then outside of the psychology profession realizing that it's actually not just in psychology, it's everywhere.

[00:13:40] And I ended up running two businesses where I had the psychology side, but then I was also doing coaching and some speaking and writing as well for a magazine. Given that all my work is about doing values aligned work, but also work that's done in a way that is sustainable [00:14:00] so we don't impact our wellbeing. I started to realize that my passion was leaning more towards the coaching work and the writing and the speaking. And also trying to do everything was starting to feel like long term that wasn't gonna be sustainable. So it didn't feel right for me to be kinda teaching around sustainability and not living that myself.

[00:14:28] One of the things that has always been really nice for me, as a lot of people will say, you very much walk your talk Hayley. And I think there was a few times there where I felt like, well, I don't know that I am gonna still be doing that if I keep doing what I'm doing. So I probably spent about 12 months really kind of thinking about it and then made the decision to step back from psychology so I could focus on other things.

[00:14:56] So now I work with psychologists and allied health professionals, but I also [00:15:00] work with people who are not in those professions as well. And I do one-on-one coaching where it really is about helping people understand what they do, why they do it, how they're doing it and is how they're doing it working for them.

[00:15:16] And if not, we can kind of look at other ways of doing it in a way that does feel values aligned and does feel sustainable for them, and always keeps their wellbeing at the heart of it. Because I think particularly for women and very much in the caring professions as well, not only, but definitely in there we can lose sight of ourselves.

[00:15:38] And that can lead to all sorts of problems. So I do the one-on-one work. I also, at different times in the year do group coaching as well. And then I still do writing for a magazine. And then I've also written a book recently, which came out, at the beginning of February. 

[00:15:56] Poh Gan: Oh, wow.

[00:15:57] Yes. So I really admire [00:16:00] your strength to be able to really walk the talk and really practice what you preach. I imagine that like, it wasn't a easy decision to make, but you make the call. And, I was wondering whether, like, were there any, stories that you have to overcome or I imagine like for myself, to give that up. That might be, you know, some of the fears and doubts and how did you go through that? 

[00:16:26] Hayley Quinn: Yeah, and this for me is the compassion piece that I love so much because having now developed such a compassionate relationship with myself, I feel like I've got a part of me that I can turn to that is wise and brave. So I had to do a lot of identity work, which I was very intentional about doing before giving up my registration because I knew stepping away from something like that when it had taken so much for me to get there as a single mom. And [00:17:00] I put a lot on being a psychologist, like it meant a lot to me. I'd left school early and to go back and educate myself later in life and do my degree and do a PhD and become registered as a psychologist and then become registered as a clinical psychologist. And then I was also a board approved supervisor, so I'd kind of done lots of work and jumped through lots of hoops and been given lots of different titles along the way.

[00:17:30] And they meant a lot to me 'cause it had been a lot to even contemplate taking that path, but also doing that as a single mom. So I knew that if I didn't do the identity work before choosing not to renew my registration, that could leave me having to deal with that afterwards. And I didn't want to, I wanted to get to a place where I knew I wasn't gonna renew and do it in a way where it did feel [00:18:00] right and I could move into the next phase of my life without having kind of leftovers from it. So, I mean, of course there was fears and doubts. Of course there was the "why on earth would you, give up a perfectly good profession and a good business, and a reputation that I had built over many years in psychology," to do something that was new and I didn't know if it would work. So the fears and doubts showed up. But I think the thing that Compassion gives me is the courage to be with the uncertainty, to be curious about what I want to do next and be willing to take those risks. 

[00:18:49] Poh Gan: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:18:49] Hayley Quinn: So it's not that it wasn't there.

[00:18:52] It's just I have a different relationship with myself now that allows me to, [00:19:00] I guess, be braver. 

[00:19:02] Poh Gan: Mm-hmm. 

[00:19:03] Hayley Quinn: Be more trusting of myself. 

[00:19:06] Poh Gan: Oh, I love that. 

[00:19:08] Hayley Quinn: Yeah. 

[00:19:08] Poh Gan: It sounds like it's really from a very grounded space where, and that connection with yourself that, connection with your compassionate self. When I was reading your book, I can definitely feel that cultivation of that relationship with your compassionate self. Can you tell the listeners a little bit more about what do you mean by the identity work and, how do you cultivate these relationships with yourself that will kind of turn things, differently? How do you do that?

[00:19:42] Hayley Quinn: Yeah. So in terms of the identity, for me it was really kind of reflecting on questions around what has being a psychologist meant to me? 

[00:19:55] Poh Gan: Yeah. 

[00:19:55] Hayley Quinn: In terms of who I am and how I present in the world, but also [00:20:00]what will it mean when I can no longer call myself a psychologist. In the psychology profession psychology is a protected title. So once you're not registered, you can't use that title at all. In other professions, maybe you can just keep saying that that's what you do and that's who you are. But in psychology, we can't do that. So I knew there was gonna be a deadline where if somebody said, what do you do?

[00:20:25] I would not be able to say I'm a psychologist. Now, I do use the term former psychologist in the things I do, because I worked really hard for that knowledge. And just because I'm not registered doesn't mean all my psychology knowledge so, you know, it's important for me to let people know that that is my background, because certainly in the coaching world.

[00:20:52] I think that does add something to what I bring to the work that I do with people. But it really was about, you know, [00:21:00] who am I if I'm not a psychologist? 

[00:21:02] Poh Gan: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:21:03] Hayley Quinn: And looking at myself as a multifaceted person, and I do talk about this in the book, I pose questions in the book around this because I think we can get very attached to identity and having been through a really significant burnout to the point that I had to step back from work, it made me realize that if we are really holding tight to any particular identity in our life, if something happens to disrupt that, it can be really, really distressing.

[00:21:34] So for me, it just felt important that when I knew I was gonna have to step away from that title. I wanted to have kind of had that conversation with myself around, well, what's that gonna mean? There's so many forms we fill in, which has become so apparent to me now I'm not registered. And they say, occupation.

[00:21:54] And I used to just automatically put clinical psychologist. Yeah. And now to stop and [00:22:00] think, oh, actually, what do I call myself? Because, you know, the coaching world is very loose. Mm-hmm. And sometimes I think, you know, I coach, I consult, I mentor I'm still yet to come with a, a nice title wrapped up in a bow that I feel covers what I actually do in the work that I do now.

[00:22:20] Poh Gan: So what would you write in that column? 

[00:22:23] Hayley Quinn: I tend to just put coach at the moment. Mainly because I don't like filling out forms, so I just go with whatever's easiest. 

[00:22:33] Poh Gan: No, but it makes sense and I guess in living in this world, lots of people asking when we introduce ourselves, it's usually with the title and everything, but I guess, you've done that deep work of who am I?

[00:22:48] Yeah. Without all of these title and like, you know, what you think it will be most settled in your nervous system, in your soul level, you are inner knowing, knowing that, this is who you [00:23:00] are, beyond the titles, it sounds like it is not an easy, journey, but it is a well thought through journey, Um, decisions that you have come to, really comfortably carry through and continue to feel like, yes, I know who I am as a person. 

[00:23:20] Hayley Quinn: Yeah, and I'm late identified as an autistic woman with ADHD, and that played into some of the changing of my work as well,

[00:23:28] i'd spent a long time getting to know myself and kind of changing this relationship from a very hostile, very toxic relationship with myself to one now that is very nurturing and loving and compassionate, and finding out later in life that I'm autistic with ADHD, added extra information so that I could then sort of say, okay, so then what does that mean and how I want to work? Or how my brain works, or what my energy levels might be like. So that played into the [00:24:00] changing of how I wanted to work as well. 

[00:24:03] Poh Gan: Mm. 

[00:24:03] Hayley Quinn: Which was really helpful actually. 

[00:24:05] Poh Gan: Mm mm That's cool. Yeah. 

[00:24:09] Hayley Quinn: You'd also asked about how do we cultivate that more compassionate relationship?

[00:24:13] And I always sort of say to people, for me, I was like, okay, I can't keep living the way I'm living. I can't keep being in relationship with myself in the way I am. It was really, not helpful and not pleasant. So I kind of asked myself if I were to meet somebody new and I wanted to get to know them.

[00:24:35] What would I do? Well, I'd ask them questions about the things they liked. I'd ask them about their interests. I'd check in with how they were feeling, and then I would really listen and pay attention to that. So that's what I did with myself. I was like, okay, well, I need to treat myself as if I'm somebody I've just met and I want to get to know.

[00:24:55] Over time, I would just get more curious about the things that I found [00:25:00] helpful, the things I found hard in the world, how I responded to different things, and it was this process of kind of really checking in with myself on a regular basis and being curious about who I am and what I do and how I do it, and is it working for me?

[00:25:19] And if not, how could I change it and make it easier? And I still do that to this day. You know, I mentioned before I've just been down to Melbourne and prior to going, I got really curious about how I was feeling about traveling and I've put things in place that are helpful for me when I travel.

[00:25:38] But even now, I'm back this week. I've only been back for this week. And I'm still checking in like, how am I feeling? Is this a leftover from the travel? Are there things I need to think about differently next time I travel? So it really is an ongoing process as it is with any relationship in your life, right?

[00:25:59] We [00:26:00] don't just meet people and get to know them and go, okay, well I know you now, that's fine. We'll just go like this for the rest of our lives, you know, with our children, with our partners, with our friends. We evolve alongside them. And for me it's the same with the relationship with yourself.

[00:26:16] It's about paying attention and checking in and continuing to be curious and continuing to want to care about that relationship that you've got with yourself. Yeah. 

[00:26:27] Poh Gan: Yeah. So I guess it sounds like it is an ongoing work of, really tuning to yourself, continuing to practice and evolve as a human being, but with so much understanding about yourself now, and also your history and your past experience and, that it feels like you are a really awesome cheerleader to yourself and almost, isn't it?

[00:26:55] Yeah, 

[00:26:56] Hayley Quinn: I think I've described it, and maybe I put this in the book, I can't remember, [00:27:00] but that, you know, like I'm my fondest friend, my greatest cheerleader and my wisest guide, that compassionate part of me. And you know, there are kind of practical things we can do as well.

[00:27:12] There are kind of compassionate mind exercises that we can do and there's a number of meditations through the book that guides people through some of that as well. So there's certainly things that we can do that are sort of like strategies, but I think for me, fundamentally it is being in touch with yourself and being curious and staying connected and checking in just as we would with somebody we love.

[00:27:38] Yeah. Like I said to somebody the other day, if you've got a partner that you live with or say a housemate you live with or you've got children, you wouldn't go all week without asking them how they are. It just wouldn't. And yet we can do that with ourselves. 

[00:27:54] Poh Gan: Yeah. 

[00:27:54] Hayley Quinn: We never check in with ourselves, but we wouldn't do that with anybody else.

[00:27:58] So why do we do it with [00:28:00] ourselves?

[00:28:01] Poh Gan: As we close our practice for today, I want to thank you for sharing this time. If this episode resonated with you, the most meaningful way to support the podcast is to share it, share it with a colleague, or live a review on Apple Podcast or Spotify. It helps our community to reach other people who need it.

[00:28:27] Until next time. Keep your heart open, keep your mind clear and steady. Go be your amazing self as you awaken yourself and others.

[00:28:42] See you next time.

[00:28:49] Just a gentle reminder that our conversation today is for inspiration and education only. It's not a substitute for therapy or clinical supervision [00:29:00] and our time together doesn't constitute a therapeutic relationship.