Bimbo and Butch Podcast

Bimbo & Butch Podcast | Ep 028 | St Patrick, Love & Divorce Papers

• Emer Maguire • Season 1 • Episode 28

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Welcome to Bimbo and Butch Podcast! 


Join comedian Emer Maguire, and business owner Jenna McCusker, as they embark on this hilarious podcast of two total opposites with a whole lot of laughs. 


This week Emer & Jenna discuss Mothers Day, St Patricks Day, Marriage and Divorce,  and so much more!


New Episode Every Monday.


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Jenna McCusker 


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www.tiktok.com/mentalhealth_and_me_


www.instagram.com/houseofscentsni


Emer Maguire 


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SPEAKER_01

James Hails and a nice sweet tap. Doing on our backs when we drop, I'd like a talk. I don't usually smoke, but here, do you have a light? It must be girls night.

SPEAKER_00

And I am your Bumbo, aka Jenna. And as you can see, we are wearing green Ireland tops because Well, I'm actually wearing St.

SPEAKER_01

Patrick's top. Also you are St. Patrick's Day, that's an Ireland top. That's your child's Ireland top. Um is a wee St. Patrick number. I love this. I think this is really cool.

SPEAKER_00

So I was lying lying in bed last night. So I'm the queen of organisation and I have all my outfits organised. I have everything planned, I have all my notes planned, and I'm lying in bed last night at half ten after packing everything. And Emer texts me and says, Have you got a cute St. Patrick's top to wear for the potatoes? I just got on for a gig for a gig. I just take I just take things gig by gig. You actually gig by gig? It was it's the middle of the night. I know. Oh but I just got in from a gig. So I scrambled out of bed, could I had nothing even green. I had no nothing with a shamrock on it, went to my son's this is my son's top, age nine to ten, looked at it and thought, mm, I'll give it a go. And it fits. It fits well. It's mine.

SPEAKER_01

Classic vacuum pack style. It's my it's mine. I I I just thought, you know, because it's St. Patrick's Day, I mean across community podcasts now, but I mean they celebrate St. Patrick's in in America and everything. Like so they actually celebrate Beggar in New York. Oh my god. Well last year.

SPEAKER_00

You were you were you not there for Pride's for for St. Patrick's Day?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, the pride of being Irish. I was there for I was in New York last year. I had a gig in New York, um, in my dead rabbit, uh, and I went over, but it happened to be my gig was the day before St. Paddy's, so I was there for St. Patrick's Day. And then a few people from Belfast um who are part of Queens heard I was going over and contacted me and was like, Here, we've heard you're coming over. Would you fancy marching in the St. Paddy's Day parade? The 12th. In New York. And I was like, um, yeah. And normally I would be we've been like, Oh, I don't know, but my best friend was with me, and I thought she'll love that attention. You know, walking down Fifth Avenue and walking.

SPEAKER_00

Or that attention you?

SPEAKER_01

I that attention. So we were we I I was like uh oh, we're just going to watch the parade, and then next thing we were in it, and we were all we were on the TV and all, like in the parade. Here was her. She was the queen, because here. And we were walking along, and in the middle of New York, somebody said, Hey Margaret! I remember her. It was like somebody from Lifford or something. I forgot. I just thought, oh my god, it's mental. There's people, there's Irish people over here. I was like, hey guys. Um, but yeah, it was class, it was massive in in New York. Um, loads of loads of people just go mental. But yes, we have we have one of these today to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Julie, do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? No. Do you s know who St. Patrick is?

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, was St. Patrick not a Protestant? Correct me if I'm wrong, I don't know. I mean he was he was a Welsh like, wasn't he?

SPEAKER_00

We're gonna have to fact check this, but personally I don't celebrate it either. Why? I don't know. I just never have.

SPEAKER_01

It's uh I do. It's St. Patrick's Protestant.

SPEAKER_00

I I'm I'm lying, I know why I I haven't. It's because when I was younger we were going to have a Well, he was a Christian, sorry.

SPEAKER_01

Oh missionary? Excuse me? A missionary?

SPEAKER_00

Oh doggy, which position that he likes to do.

SPEAKER_01

Credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland. There was initially one single church Protestantism developed in the 16th century. Um some Protestants like to assert that St. Patrick wasn't Catholic. That's what they like to do. Take our people. That's what they do. They say they're having too much fun, let's take it off them. Aye. I don't I mean, I celebrate it in that I usually go to a place in Belfast where the Belfast Yucjam play on St. Patrick's Day and they play loads of class songs and all I just go and like fiddly D music. No, it's not Fiddley D, it's it's all Yucca Lilies, and it's they just play happy. I mean a couple of Irishy ones, but mostly like just very happy, jolly songs like Johnny Be Good and everything and anything. So yes, we're in we're in our St. Patrick gear today. Yeah, and our green gear. Um this is Holy For Everybody for me. Holy for everybody. I just wanted to wear my new St. Patrick's top, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00

I like it. I like your top.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's cool. I like it. I think it's cool.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. Green's my favourite colour. Well, I have a surprise.

unknown

St.

SPEAKER_01

Patrick gear. What's a surprise? Patrick! Come on down. Let the studio see the man. Um I'm a snake in my boots. What's a surprise? I don't like surprises, it makes me really nervous.

SPEAKER_00

So today exactly is our one-year friend anniversary. Today, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

I have brought a gift. Oh crap, I don't bring anything.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know what I feel like with me and you?

SPEAKER_01

What?

SPEAKER_00

I feel like we met on Tunter, right? Right. And you're afraid to tell me that you're not interested in me anymore. And I'm too polite to go to bread comes from me. You kind of keep me there. And I bring all these lavish gifts for you, and I remember having to give a gift when Taz died. That's because it's morally right. I come to all your fucking shows. I took me the back. You brought me flowers on the ghost sex, dude. I even got a parking ticket for trying to find vegan-friendly buns.

SPEAKER_01

She was like, Oh, try- I was getting vegan friendly buns and gonna park and I was like, Do you know I'm not vegan?

SPEAKER_00

So I'm running around here like an absolute fucking attack.

SPEAKER_01

Who's that? Oh, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00

So then I try to get past security. I was like, I don't care anymore. Just handcuff me. So the first gift is I took first for the diamonds so cute. And I got a diamonds t-shirt and arts and crafts box yesterday. Did I do that? In my kitchen tibble, 37-year-old woman. That is nice.

SPEAKER_01

That is really that isn't that so cute. I love that so much. And then there's a bit of messing on the heart that you doesn't complete, but then we rushed to animals. It's really for anniversary. Isn't that so cute? That is and it's in our colours. And it's in our colours. Even the flowers she got me the other day and brought backstage at my show were pink and purple.

SPEAKER_00

Pink and purple. And then I got us these.

SPEAKER_01

What? For our one year.

SPEAKER_02

Oh my goodness! Aren't they gorgeous?

SPEAKER_00

They are Can you see them, Joy?

SPEAKER_02

Those are beautiful. Tilt them up for the wide camera. Top them out. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00

Where are they from? So they are from.

SPEAKER_01

This isn't even an ad, I'm just genuinely. Cake away.

SPEAKER_00

Cake away and what is this mean? That's Cookie Monster? That's me! I says make one that looks like Emer. Oh my god! Cake away and new baldens are unbelievable. They make everything fresh. They make wedding cakes and everything.

SPEAKER_01

I got them for our friendiversary. Julia, we let off our seats with me, do we hug?

SPEAKER_00

I knock it up. My spine's too sore.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you so much. You're so welcome. I'm sure Julie's gonna go next week in my boxer. It's lovely.

SPEAKER_00

Oh, you mean don't? Aren't they so cute though? But no, I honestly need to shout out cake away because cake away are fantastic. This is where I get all my buns from. They are unbelievable. There's new buildings on between Stravan and Dairy. Yeah. So I drive out the whole way out there to get their stuff. It's that good. She really, she really loves me. I've got her not home. That's what I mean about the whole Tinder situation. I've got I've got him. She really loves me. Stop breadcrumbing me. Don't ghost me. So I had to hide them from Danan yesterday because if he had seen them, he would have went through them for a shortcut.

SPEAKER_02

So I was like, I have to bring him one home.

SPEAKER_00

What do you mean, one? Look at me. What do you mean? Why do we eye them up for you and your wings? She's like She's all that's the children's dinner. That's the children's dinner, sort of. They are beautiful. That is far. And I love these, these are very bumbo and butch. Mm-hmm. And they have a wee jazzy on them. A wee what? A jazzy. A jazzy. I love a jazzy. Love a jazzy. A love a jazzy. Aren't they so cute? I was gonna get a cake that said happy one year for anniversary, but I was running out of time. Had a white lot to do. And I thought already got a parking ticket for this bitch. Trying to get bumps so bum. Oh, you're so sweet. But how mad is that to the day that we met? So this is this is exactly a year to the day. A year today. And look how things have blossomed. I know when it says you sitting there going, hi am I gonna get really good.

SPEAKER_01

How do I know? How do I cut her from my life? Um, I can't believe it's a year, but I feel like we've known each other so much longer. It feels like that, doesn't it? Even Julie. We've only been friends with Julie. Well, say friends.

SPEAKER_00

I tell you who've only been colleagues with my friends' anniversary gift, Julie. Because you know what? See the way I was rushing down here today. You were. I rang Julie and I ballering my spine today, so I said, Julie, I'll be outside in a few minutes. Can you help me? Um she said, Who's this? And I says, Who's this? I said, It's only the girl that's been paying you thousands of pounds. Have you not got me? Why?

SPEAKER_01

It's only the girl that's been paying your mortgage. Oh, she's only the girl that's been propping up your buttons.

SPEAKER_00

Sorry. Sorry about that. So, Julie, for our one-year friendship, but I hope by then you'll have my number saved. But do you know what she said to me?

SPEAKER_01

She came into the coffee shop and she says, I know I got I got a call there. Um it was from it was from Jenna, but uh I didn't have her number saved and she's raging, but I mean, why would I? I just didn't know.

SPEAKER_03

Are you serious?

SPEAKER_02

But do you know what, Emer? I don't have yours saved either. But do you have this in a group chat? So how do you work out who's saying what? It's it comes up again. Well, do you know what? Who your names are.

SPEAKER_01

Do you know what?

SPEAKER_02

You know, delete my number.

SPEAKER_00

I have you, Julian Killing Studios. That's Julie Julian. Julie Kulane Killen Studios. Do you know what? And Emer No Tits McGuire. I can't see that far. What is that? Oh, you don't have her shame? I don't have Julie shaved either.

SPEAKER_01

You need to blur your number out there?

SPEAKER_00

Fair. See, I'm a very organized person. I need names. I don't save people's numbers.

SPEAKER_01

I have a friend, Ruth, and uh she was um why did I do that? Would you like it? Knocking back. Can I have my bones back? And um we've been friends now for ages and ages and ages. And uh she realized recently I didn't have her number saved. She was so offended. Really, really offended. She brings it up every time I'm here.

SPEAKER_00

Talking about numbers and friends and all that, did you unpan me from your WhatsApp? Unpin you?

SPEAKER_01

No, I would if I could.

SPEAKER_00

What do you mean? Mind you, so pan me, do one of the top at your your WhatsApp so that you could see my messages. Yeah. Because you're taking a suspiciously long time to reply.

SPEAKER_01

Do you know why? Julie. I've been so busy, haven't I?

SPEAKER_02

Well, how Julie I don't know.

unknown

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

But I sent you a message about two weeks ago and I'm still waiting for you to reply. What did you say? And I've sent like three follow-ups.

SPEAKER_00

I sent her, she wrote back something to me last night saying, Oh, thank you, Angel. And I says, What is she on about? And I went, and it was something I replied to her four weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01

And I says, Emir, that was from four weeks ago. So for anybody watching, listen, I am currently on a five to six week turnaround. Um I am so delayed with my message. I have been so busy. See last week, every day.

SPEAKER_00

No, I know you won't.

SPEAKER_01

I had either two or three gigs a day, including tour show like see last Friday. For example, I had a tour show in Portoferry. I had a gig earlier that day, and then I had a tour show in Porto Ferry had to be there for five o'clock.

SPEAKER_00

Furry? I was Porto Ferry. I said it twice.

SPEAKER_01

Where the Cappy Barrers are? Yeah, let me tell you about them in a second. What? They're not rodents. Well they are they don't identify them. Wait, uh second, you're going there. No, let me tell you about my busy schedule. So I had to be there for the five. I had to leave Belfast at four and I was doing a gig and all before that. Got to Portoferry, did my tour show, which is obviously a long show, it's two hours. And then after that, it I I finished at ten o'clock and you know, by the time we chatted everybody and got photos and all. Yeah. And then I had to pack up everything. I didn't pack it up, my my team did. I was part of the team at the end. You were part of the team and started on Saturday. And then I had to get in the car and drive an hour to the Clodden uh to play at um Assistance Dogs Northern Ireland fundraiser, Purple Paw Gella. You would do a finger pound. I I would. I didn't get no pound for it. I didn't get no pound for that. Did that out of goodness of my heart? Um so did that. And then I got home at one o'clock in the morning, packed a backpack, went down to Dublin on the bus. Oh, that's right with your nine o'clock in the morning with my mum's best friend. Oh. And we got our flight at seven o'clock in the morning, and I went to Malaga for my dad's birthday. And pussy, pussy, pussy. Bussy girl. Bussy girls.

SPEAKER_00

That's why you just weren't getting replies.

SPEAKER_01

Because I was so busy.

SPEAKER_00

But yes. Julie, do you do you love how humor thinks that we just sit in our hole all day doing nothing? I think a party's do.

SPEAKER_02

I know.

SPEAKER_00

Compared to what I would love to switch roles for a day. Try to repeat Try doing a primary sex maths homework when you're when you have maths dyslexia. It's so bad. Mass is so bad. I've been nearly crying. It's so unfair on me and I know it is hard.

SPEAKER_01

It's terrible. And I don't even have learning problems like you. It's very difficult.

SPEAKER_00

My learning problem. Like my son looks at me and be like, Why are you doing that? And I'd be like, one, two, three. I think it's three. And he he's going for his transfer test. He's probably smart as well. So smart. He has to be. He has to be because like look, he has me as a Molly. Since we are all massive animal lovers here on the Bumblebudge Podcasts, we have probably been sponsored by Dano's Pet Shop. Now, Dano's Pet Shop is based in Straban, and they've also opened a store in Derry in 2023. And Dano's is your one-stop shop for all things pet related. So they sell pet food, pet um pet treats, pet shampoo, anything pet related that you need is sold by Dano's.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. Um and we we're all dog owners here. Well, you were dog owners has sadly passed recently. Um Julie allegedly has a dog, and I have two dogs, everyone knows, but they do they do stuff for dogs, birds, fish, cats, tiny animals, everything. Uh uh, and they also um I love that the stores in Strabane, obviously. I'm from Stravan, you're from Dirtney, so we've got a sponsor that's very local to us. Um and you mentioned the food there. I know they do some of the hypoallergenic food. That's right. Is it Whistlers? Whistlers dog food. Yeah. I might take a wee run down there because people in the podcast know from last week that Albi was very sick and had pancreatitis and was in the vet hospital for a week.

SPEAKER_00

That's right.

SPEAKER_01

And he has to go on low-fat food now, so we might go down to Danos to get sorted out. And they have mystery boxes.

SPEAKER_00

I've seen that.

SPEAKER_01

Do you know where you get mystery boxes for like makeup and stuff for like football shirts?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

They have a natural mystery box where it's all different treats you don't know what you're getting.

SPEAKER_00

So for your dog.

SPEAKER_01

That is absolutely well for your dog, I assume it's not for me. Um your cat your small fish, whatever animal you have. Absolutely. So thank you so much to that to Danos for sponsoring us. Um, we are we're very appreciative, and we know we have a lot of animal lovers as well who are watching and listening. So head to Danos. Um, what is it, Danos Pet Shop?

SPEAKER_00

Danos Pet Shop.co.uk, and that's for Danos, and then whistlersdogfood.com for the dog food.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. So have a wee check out uh and thank you, Danos.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. And this podcast is sponsored by on the podium prizes.com where you can get tickets for free free free for 500 pounds Sephora gift card, and then all our tickets as low as 49p for 7,000 pounds in cash. Hotels, holidays, everything. You name it, they've got it. The new the best up and common prize, online prize platform, what we say.

SPEAKER_01

I think we could say that. Portoferi Explorers contacted me. Because obviously we talked in the podcast, and I says, I want to go to the Cappy Bar experience. Um but I couldn't get a ticket. Now, what originally happened was my girlfriend told me about it. She wanted to buy me tickets for Christmas, and because we both love animals and we like going to animal things together. Okay. And she couldn't get them because they were sold out, so then I've been trying to get them ever since never being able to get them. But we talked about the podcast, and now all of a sudden, people are sending me Capy Barra memes. My my best friend's daughter brought me home a toy Capybara from New York, which was so cute. Um, it's really, really lovely, but suddenly there's Cappy Baras everywhere. Porto Ferry Explorers contacted me. I haven't got haven't got back to them yet.

SPEAKER_00

But did they not say bamboo and botch from Patreon? Because we spoke about it and so did I, and it's not fairly.

SPEAKER_01

They said to me, Whenever you're down to do your show in Porto Ferry, why will you come the next day and you can do a cabby bar experience? And I was devastated because obviously I was I had to leave to go to Dublin to go to the airport. Um so I haven't got back to them yet, but I am going to, and I told my girlfriend, and she says if you don't bring me, I'm gonna break up with you.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it looks like she's breaking up with you.

SPEAKER_01

I'm either going to be single. Well, you're single. I might try and get I might see if they'll take me twice. Well, I mean it's a little bit.

SPEAKER_00

I've never seen a big hair fat rodent. What are you laughing at?

SPEAKER_01

They're not fat.

SPEAKER_00

They're huge. I see them. They're not fat at the battery.

SPEAKER_01

They're wide. They are solid, probably for an evolutionary reason.

SPEAKER_00

What is the reason what is the reason for them on the planet? Like what is their like what is what do they bring to the environment?

SPEAKER_01

What's the reason for us? What do we do? We destroy the environment.

SPEAKER_00

Why are we here? Why are you asking a question? Julie.

SPEAKER_01

I mean I shouldn't be an existential. What's the purpose of them? What do they do? What do they do, Julie? What's the meaning of life?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, no, what is what's the meaning of this podcast? To make people laugh and have fun and try and get out of our own minds of the dark thoughts.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe there's cappi bars just think the same thing.

SPEAKER_00

Because they are entertainers in their own sense. I I I can't get it through my bumblehead why the tickets are sold out for these kappa bars. What is the attraction? That's why I'm asking, like, what do they do? Do they do magic tricks?

SPEAKER_01

For me, for me, I believe they would provide a sense of calm. Uh and inner joy.

SPEAKER_00

Can we get the heat on? Yes.

SPEAKER_01

I know you're trying to keep balls down. I'm trying to tell her about my inner joy. It's just sorry, can we get the heat on? I don't know heater, isn't it for me? It's gonna be cold today, isn't it? Sitting here. Not for me, because I'm like a wee plump cat be bar. A five year old t-shirt. I have a lot of flubber to keep me warm. So I I think they're basically like it's just like an experience like going to feed penguins or going to like they're a lovely cute wee animal that you, you know, be a joy to spend some time with.

SPEAKER_00

I just I just find it so strange that it's that one animal. Like, why not the whole I'm gonna contact Belfast do you and ask can we have a day out there and we can go around and feed all the animals there? Oh, I would love that. You were the amount of people who have messaged us and asked us to come for to feed their animals to eat their animals. Not for like hotel stays and like things to do for the Patreon and stuff.

SPEAKER_01

Really? The amount of things I'm just getting I'm just getting contacted from the cafe bars.

SPEAKER_00

Is that it? Well, I feel more superior than you then. Um that's how you're getting to go and pet rodents and I'm getting f penthouses and wash. Pets over penthouses. You're right. No, but I can tell the off off air who has been messaging, asking us to come down. And Julie. Oh!

SPEAKER_01

And they said even Julie can come. Even Julie. Aye, even Julie. People always message me and say, hi Damer and Jenna, and then they'll say in brackets, and even Julie. Aye. They said I can take your name. And even Julie. Well, I have a bone to pick. Something I have to tell you about Julie. No. When I entered today the studio, I was the victim of a hate crime. From Julie or a passerby? From Julie. Oh, what happened? This time. This time. I can only surmise that Julie saw me in my St. Patrick's top and thought, no, no, no, no. Oh. She was triggered. Oh. Oh god. Do you notice there's anything missing from our set? From my set specifically.

SPEAKER_00

When I came on here, I said something doesn't feel right. Something And you said, Your orange dog.

SPEAKER_01

And I chose that dog to be orange for inclusivity. Where is it? She made you put it away. No, she didn't make me put it away. I heard a c she was left in here alone and I heard a crash. Is that it's artful? Is that its bum? That's its head. She be headed. I can't work out what way that thing is. This is its body. I think that's its tail. It could be something else now that I see it. And this is its head. She beheaded my orange dog. And I But you're a lesbian, you can fix it. And I came into a crash and she said, Oh, I'm so sorry. Something seems to have happened to me.

SPEAKER_02

No, I was a lot more dramatic about it. I felt I felt terrible. I nearly cried. She put on a false scream. I offered to sip her clue about together.

SPEAKER_01

And I said, No. I want to show people what you have done. Remember in our St. Patrick's stops? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

You think she'd done that in protest?

SPEAKER_01

I think she did.

SPEAKER_00

Julie.

SPEAKER_01

I think she did. I thought we were closer than that. Julie confess now. I'll buy a new one. You don't even know where I got it. I'll find it. Was it Shane? Just means so much to me. And just stop it. I'm gonna cry. Where's that duct tip that you had the last day? Duck tip. Dog tip. I can't even do you know what I mean? No, there's no double. See if Dougle's headfalls all right.

SPEAKER_02

You're on for it. I haven't seen how many times you've just beheaded it over and over again there. I think you might have actually done it yourself.

SPEAKER_00

I did not. Let's see if I can put it back up. But when I came in, I I said something feels different in here. And then I was like, the energy's off, guys, between you and Julie. Is something did you have a fallout before I came to you?

SPEAKER_01

Sexual tension.

SPEAKER_02

Could be. Because then after that I offended her with something else as well.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, then after that she offended me with something else. Julie's flat out offending. So she was talking about her wee fella. And she says, Oh, he's making all these noises now. And I says, Oh, I used to do that. And she says, Oh great. And I was like. And I thought in my head, that's very offensive to those of us with the Tism. And then after five minutes, she came back and thought, I don't want anybody to talk about this in the podcast and may get cancelled. And she says, I mean, I shouldn't have said that. I would be honoured to have a little bit of a. Did you say that?

SPEAKER_02

I mean, it wasn't I did. It wasn't as long as that. It was a it was a oh oh like oh great. Like it wasn't here.

SPEAKER_01

I know you didn't say that. Oh great. It was very sarcastic. Very sarcastic.

SPEAKER_00

Well, Julie, I think you're gonna need test it quicker than your son. Mini Julie.

SPEAKER_02

I mean, fair.

SPEAKER_01

Two for one. Yeah. And I think they should test because she clearly has no tact.

SPEAKER_02

I have no uh empathy.

SPEAKER_00

No social cues. No empathy. No empathy. No number saved, no name saved, nothing. I'm a terrible person, okay?

SPEAKER_01

Julie. Yeah. You're not here I went down to Derry yesterday. Who let you in? Do you know what happened? What? I was in my way down. Pulled into the Glen Sheen, right? Do you know how much it cost me to fill my car up in the Glen Sheen?

SPEAKER_00

Don't even get me started in the fuel prices.

SPEAKER_01

£125. I nearly had to remortgage, I nearly had an episode. Which would it normally cost?£100. I nearly died. I nearly died. How was my snack money?

SPEAKER_00

I I've got£25 and snacks alone. Glen chain passes for me to pee. I could pee anxiety.

SPEAKER_01

I did pee there as well.

SPEAKER_00

Everyone's happy.

SPEAKER_01

And apparently they have toilet cubicles as well.

SPEAKER_00

Well Sarah took them out there for that they laugh. They're heated as well.

SPEAKER_01

And it's not the price, it's not the price of um it's not them specifically. It's apparently because of the war. Aye. Do you hear about this? The war, everything's gone up. Yeah. I didn't realise it until uh filled my car up and I nearly died. But anyway, as I pulled out of the Glenchin Pass, I was driving along and suddenly it said, Your tire is at 18 PSI, and then it says it's at nine. And my tire got a massive big slash on it. I was I was very That was an omen for you yesterday not to come to Derrick. I think it was. I still I had to go because I was going down to BBC. Do you fill on a Mother's Day special with me and my mummy?

SPEAKER_00

I needed is it can you listen to it now?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, actually it'll be on. This is coming out on Monday. Uh so it's on yesterday. It'll be on BBC Sounds, but it was a show me and my mum got to take over Radio Ulster for an hour to do a Mother's Day special and um we both got to choose four songs each and talked about you know our relationship and it was so good, it was lovely. That's lovely. Then we went out for food after. Oh then we recorded a wee I sister will we record a wee song in the car before you go just to post a Mother's Day. Did you pick it up on the spot? No, um I says to people in my stories, what you know, any ideas for what song I could just sing with my ma just randomly. Oh loads of suggestions, uh cover, loads of suggestions. People most people said a s there's a spice cares song, Mamma I Love You. What do you mean? You don't know that song? I d I wasn't in the spice cares. Mamma, I love you. I listened to it then. Mama.

SPEAKER_00

You don't know that.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

We grew up in different times.

SPEAKER_01

You probably you're probably still in the womb. You're old. Oh I was I was in the womb for years. Uh before sticking my.

SPEAKER_00

Sounds like you're still connected to the womb.

SPEAKER_01

Leave your mommy cut the umbilical cord again. Leave your mommy alone. Never. Um so people said that, people said other ones. Um, but we did slipping through my fingers.

SPEAKER_02

Slipping the laughing.

SPEAKER_01

Who sings that? Abba. But it was the number one suggestion that people gave.

SPEAKER_00

That's weird. Is it what is it mother motherly? Is that why?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so in the song or in the movie, Meryl Strape, My One True Life, my major crush, she sings it to her daughter because it starts off like school how's it go? School bag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning. And I said, Mummy watching her week, you're going to school. I I don't cry, I laugh. I've all had. But my mum was like, Have a good day. I kept being like, Shall I sing this we enter? Which doesn't all sing up, but that's more relevant for the mummy to sing. Oh, that's Rachel's singer as well. She's like, Oh, that's more relevant. And I said, Well, will I sing the next person? And she says, No, it's still from the mummy's point of view. You just come in the course. So, um, so yeah, we put up a wee uh sorry, I just wanted to get every drop of that. It's delicious. So yeah, we put up a wee song too. So have ampath all my crack. Yeah, are you are you blanking? Yeah. What was it? Did she just did she just zoom out there? She glitched. I I blanked twice, it means help. Oh, what do you need help with? Uh nothing, no. I I'm listening to your story. Aye, so so that was it. So hope everybody had a nice Mother's Day. Um what did you do for Mother's Day?

SPEAKER_00

Well, we went to my mummy's house and had a tea party. Oh, that's so cute. I don't know. So tea and buns and all that. But that foil hospice event is this week on Friday.

SPEAKER_01

Oh yeah, I saw you're doing it.

SPEAKER_00

We we were both supposed to do that, but you've all our commitments. And I love how they have me as um Pog um business owner and one-half of Bumbo and Butch. Aye, the per half. Oh, that's very good.

SPEAKER_01

So I thought you weren't going because I wasn't going. I says to her, I says, Oh, I can't go have a gig. So I can't commit to it or anything. And she says, Oh, well, I'll not go either. And I says, Well, email them and let them know. She says, I'll email them. And next thing I see is a poster. I felt really bad.

SPEAKER_00

I felt really bad because the gear kit messaged him was like, Would you will you please call me on the show?

SPEAKER_01

It's good that you're able to go and do it. I would have liked to have done it.

SPEAKER_00

That'll be great. But I'm doing because I'm donating 200 waxes under Louis Goody bags and all too, and then I'm gonna have a pop-up House of Sense stall there, so I thought I may as well go. Dan absolutely so I'll I'll just go and see the crack there. And then Julian Simmons is hosting it. Yeah. So that'll be fun. I've never met him before. Have you?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, he's nice. He's funny, yeah. And he has an impeccable dress sense. Right. He's really well dressed.

SPEAKER_00

I wonder what he's gonna wear.

SPEAKER_01

I did a thing with him recently. We were on um a talk back on Radio Ulster together, and I can't remember what we were talking about. Uh but anyway, oh my god, I couldn't believe so. It was, I mean, it was lunchtime, I'm sure I rocked up and maybe probably a pair of combats and t-shirts. He was in this the most beautiful tailored suit and a a I think it was a Prada scarf and a Gucci bag and all this. Oh my god. He just looked incredible. And like I love clothes and love, you know, nice suits and everything. He j I just kept saying to him, Oh my god, you just dressed like so beautifully. Is this how you always are? He just looked so impeccable. And what did he say? I always dress like this. He was like but I but rich man's laugh. But I took from that that absolutely I always dress like this, darling. Um and I just thought, class, class, and he was always funny. Like it's good, Greg.

SPEAKER_00

Talk about celebrities um on about our good patron Saint uh Joanne Simmons in the news on the way here. Not about the bar. Right. I know that's really important now, but there's more important things going on. Uh d Adele is going through a divorce. You know Adele, the singer? Oh, I sorry, I thought you meant Adele down the road. Adele, yes. Well she's Adele down the road's probably going through one as well. Aren't we all? Aren't we all? You're in your faith, you believe well suppose in the Catholic faith as well, we don't believe in divorce.

SPEAKER_01

Well, there's plenty to do in it. Well, sure there's you something at crucifix for divorce papers not signed.

SPEAKER_00

Not allowed to do math.

SPEAKER_01

Like are you allowed to get are you do you believe in it from a spiritual point of view?

SPEAKER_02

Is it as frowned upon as it is in the Catholic Church? There's grounds for like biblically I think there are grounds for divorce. Adultery?

SPEAKER_01

Like Adultery? Yeah. Lack of consummation of marriage? What's that? I mean I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I don't know what that means. I don't know them all. What's that? Lack of them all. No sense.

SPEAKER_01

But I know that there's is it's being married it's getting married to someone, but you haven't had relations, so you can divorce them.

SPEAKER_02

Oh really?

SPEAKER_01

That's ground for annulment. Yeah, that is grounds for annulment.

SPEAKER_00

Are you Why am I paying all these legal fees then? We were like roommates for six years.

SPEAKER_01

But they were roommates, hang on. Is lack of consummation of marriage grounds for annulment?

SPEAKER_00

I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_01

Lack of consummation can be grounds for annulment. In the UK and Ireland, here's the basic breakdown. Civil annulment in UK law, under the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, a marriage can be annulled or avoidable if the marriage has not been consummated.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, so you prefer that. No, but that so that means like have like having sex as soon as you get married. Not as soon as you get married, whatever, like whenever you're walking down the hill.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god, situations where it doesn't apply. Sorry, it's very important. It cannot be used if the couple are in a same-sex marriage. UK law does not define consummation for same-sex marriages.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

SPEAKER_01

That's discrimination. Um, I would assume it's because that law was in 1973 and same-sex marriage obviously wasn't legal until very, very recently. In some religions, particularly Catholic Church, non-consummation can also be grounds for declaring a marriage invalid and is carried out by a church tribunal.

SPEAKER_00

See, that's a wild manager.

SPEAKER_01

It's ground for annulment.

SPEAKER_02

So biblically though, they say that you're only married in the eyes of God once you have sex.

SPEAKER_01

Oh. That's really strange though.

SPEAKER_00

I I thought it was really weird because I remember going for the marriage courtes before, and it was like, you know, you shouldn't be having sex before marriage, and they wanted us to be loved separately and everything coming up to our marriage, and then after it it's a triangle, and God watches you and it's there. And I thought that was really weird. I was like, I don't want to watch it. Watches you do me having sex? Isn't that so weird? God watches you do in our prison. I know, but like everything. Like you don't need everything. Does God know that I email Cadbury's complaints every week for free chocolate?

SPEAKER_01

He watches me going to the toilet.

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_00

But like the priest said that. That's really strange. And and it will be so sex will be so much better with God watching. I was like, What?

SPEAKER_01

I mean, no offense to any and all religions, but that is for someone who you know me who's not a uh believer in anything, that is strange. Imagine me saying to you, I know, me and Julie be watching mine and it'll be better. I didn't it'll it'll be better if you let us watch. I I have never heard that. See, I don't have this experience, and honestly, I have my dad like kicking guys. I think you just feel my pain when we're here.

SPEAKER_00

Oh my god, you think I have like phantom spinal cord injury? Fein. Or else um I don't know what you call it, but my me and my sister would get the same pain. I like a kind of even when we're apart.

SPEAKER_01

Like a kind of sibling telekinesis type of thing. Um I because I will never have uh you know, you go to the price and you get your whatever, because I can't do that, but also I wouldn't do it even if it was straight. Like I don't know all the ins and outs of what happens at it.

SPEAKER_00

Joy, go on go and fact check the grounds for divorce in NA in NA, Northern Ireland Ireland. Adultery is one. Like they're really, really specific ones, and if you don't meet that, then you need to wait for a judge. You need to wait for two years, and then a judge decides if you can get divorced or not.

SPEAKER_02

Two years separation with consent, five years separation, unreasonable behaviour. Yeah. But what's unreasonable behaviour is drug use, uh like violence, addiction, financial control. Which is very hard to prove. Adultery. Very hard to prove. Um desertion desert desertion. What does that mean? One spouse has deserted the other for a continuous period of at least two years. Key considerations living apart.

SPEAKER_00

There the the the reasons for divorce are just so outdided. It should be like, I just don't want to be with this person anymore. Don't you know?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, like I'm not I've I'm not in love with them.

SPEAKER_00

It's some I married the wrong person. And we both made an agreement that we don't want to be with each other, but but you we need it with it, the two not not matching.

SPEAKER_01

So I thought I honestly thought, no, obviously I'm the only person in the room who hasn't been married, but I honestly thought it was you could just say, Do you know what this hasn't worked out? Uh we're not the right people for each other. Can we get a divorce? No, I I would be obviously if I ever got married, I would be getting married thinking I'm there's no way I'm getting divorced, I would be very adamant that I was making the right decision. But things happen, you don't know, and people change. So I would have thought that you could just say this hasn't worked out how I thought I was going to. Seriously, you have to have an actual You have to have an actual I fell out of love's not good enough.

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_00

I fell out of love, right? Okay, no problem. What you have to do then is separate for two years, and then after the two years you can go through a judge, and the judge can decide whether the marriage can be legally. But what's it do then?

SPEAKER_01

So can I ask a question? Can I ask a question then? If you're married and you are no longer in love with the person, or people make mistakes. You could meet someone and you know, rose tinted glasses, think this person's incredible, we're so well matched, and then you could get married very quickly and then think, God, I've rushed into this.

SPEAKER_00

That's what happens with Katie Price all the time.

SPEAKER_01

She got married for the ninth time last week. Well, it's mental. But like, so see then if you have to separate for two years, if you go out with someone in those two years, is that adultery?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_00

Because you're married. It's do you know what? No, but technically it's not. Technically it is, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Because adultery is being with someone else when you're married.

SPEAKER_00

Do you know what I mean? Adultery is very hard to prove.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I suppose so.

SPEAKER_00

As I don't know, I'm gonna ask myself sort of like hurry up.

SPEAKER_01

So how long is the process of getting divorced? I'm on the in my fourth year now.

SPEAKER_00

What? So was that two years waiting? Two years waiting. And then the rest is the assets a lot of shit. Child, uh whole shit.

SPEAKER_01

Shitty children. No, it's isn't it now pretty much 50-50 in terms of relationships? 50% of people get divorced. I think marriage rates have gone down massively as well. Well, a lot of people don't believe in it anymore, and you know, people aren't as religious. And what is divorce rate? Are you typing NA or worldwide? UK. Oh, this is interesting. Oh what? Roughly 45% of marriages worldwide eventually end in divorce. Oh wow. In countries where divorce is legally accessible. Um, so there are countries that you literally cannot get divorced then? Yeah, well obviously countries that Julie loves Julie. Where Julie is out in Ballet Claire, you obviously can't get um okay, so high divorce rates. Portugal! I go there every summer. 90% over 90% of marriages end in divorce. That surprises me because Portugal's a very Catholic country. Spain, very Catholic as well, around 80% plus end in divorce. Wow. And Russia 70% plus moderate divorce rates, the United States 40 to 50%, the UK 42%, very low, India around 1%, partly due to strong societal stigma and cultural norms. Uh, across many countries, people now are marrying much later, and fewer people actually get married.

SPEAKER_00

That's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And also that's not counting the people who have just separated and not legally divorced. Which is possibly a lot. It's a lot, it's stressful, and anyone who's gone through or been through a divorce.

SPEAKER_01

If you want, I can also tell you which year of marriage is the most likely for divorce in the UK. There is a clear peak. Seven. Do you a seven year itch? I think so. I think it's eight years. Julie, how long have you been married? Seven.

SPEAKER_00

Seven?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Are you serious? Mine's was eight years, just back banged on eight years. So you're itch.

SPEAKER_01

Research in the UK and many Western countries show that divorce is most likely between years five and eight of marriage. With a peak often around year seven. The idea of the seven year itch. Can you tell how optimizing all these statistics became popular? But lines up because of the movie seven years, but it lines up fairly well with real statistics. This is the typical divorce risk pattern. So if you're in a relationship listen to this, years one to two is the lowest risk because you're on the newly wedge, newlywed stage. That's fun. Years three to four, the risk starts rising. Year five to eight, highest risk period. After ten years, risk generally declines, and after twenty years, divorce becomes relatively uncommon. Why is this period high risk? The honeymoon phase, well, honeymoon phase wears off.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Financial pressures.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Usually young children and parenting stress come into the fold. Realizing major personality or lifestyle differences and career pressures and life changes in early adulthood. Wow. That is actually quite depressing.

SPEAKER_00

It is depressing. I don't like to put people off marriage because remember there was a stage when I was saying I'll never ever get married again. And you know, I'm done and like my sister's hervoid said, Would you get married again? People ask, Would you get married again? Because I've been through such an awful time with all. And I would get married again, but I wouldn't do it legally. I would probably have a ceremony just.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um not in a church or anything because I'm not allowed because I'm the spawn of Satan now because I got divorced. And then I would just have like a reception. That would be nice. It would be like um a a consummation of consummation.

SPEAKER_01

We're not all gonna have to watch it, right? Consummation of what am I trying to say? What is wrong with me?

SPEAKER_02

A celebration.

SPEAKER_00

She glitches sometimes. I'm like windows and didn't didn't. I hope we all don't have to watch it.

SPEAKER_01

It says here there's a second smaller danger zone for divorce later in life called Grey Divorce, around 25 years of marriage. That must be people who are like, have you ever seen the movie It's Complicated? Meryl Streep and Alec Bald Alec Baldwin and and they divorce but then they start having an affair then later on in life. Something like that's very good. But um Yes you would get married, but not legally.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, but the reason Um just because uh the asset, the whole asset thing, that's what's that's what ticks the hand the most. That's that's what that that's so annoying. But the reason why I asked my solicitor, why do I need to wait two years for the you know something that we're both in agreement with? Can I just not sign now? We'll both sign right now. And she says, Because um such a high rate of people actually get back within the two years. Yeah. So we want to make sure and I says, Ain't no well and hell, I ain't getting back without my hands on give me no papers. So I just decided wait girl, take the potatoes. Hello?

SPEAKER_01

My God. I will actually I think whatever people break up, they might think Actually no, I miss them. Fuck. Not you, obviously.

SPEAKER_00

God forgive me. No, I'm I'm just thinking what what do you know what? There's just something.

SPEAKER_01

But I think if you really loved somebody you wouldn't want to be breaking up with them in the first place. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, and there other if you really loved someone and you were compatible, there wouldn't be that many issues to work through. Do you know I think some people just aren't compatible and they just try and push and push and push and make it work. Aye. And that's fine if it works, and maybe it's different. Maybe it's different if you're straight because maybe you're more likely to have had children earlier in the relationship, or maybe you've you've had children and you didn't expect to have them and they were a wee surprise or whatever. So maybe maybe people are trying to make relationships work that that wouldn't. Do you know what I mean? But um God, that was a so you're getting divorced. And I um I'm neither. I'm the only unmarried bride here. Do you think you'll get married? Would you like to get married? Difficult subject because I've never believed in marriage because I always thought of it as a very straight institution and I've always thought, why would somebody want to get married? Um and I always big issue in my last relationship that I didn't want to get married. So I mean a big issue. One of the main issues for our breaking up. Um but I was obviously in in that relationship, I was young and immature and both and now weirdly I I'm like warming up.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Which I never thought I would in a million years. But um I remember in my previous relationship, uh my partner saying, oh, you know, if we got married, there would have to be a religious aspect of it to kind of appease my parents and that kind of thing. And I was like, I mean it's gonna be a gay wedding either way. And and I kind of because I'm so I'm not anti-other people being religio religious, but for me it's just not something that I want or agree with. Um so I was so against that. So I think that maybe put me off, whereas I'm now with someone who has the exact same values as me and the same beliefs. So now I'm kind of like, I know I would now, which is a sh a shock to my system that I would even say that. Maybe because I'm older and she's older.

SPEAKER_00

The reason why we were actually talking about divorce is because of Adele. Oh Jesus, I and our timer's up, right?

SPEAKER_01

Tell me about Adele. So Adele is she the tangents we get off of.

SPEAKER_00

So I was like, this just sh tells you everything, right? So Adele is divorcing her husband of they were together seven years, I think, and they had to go through the two-year separation thing, and then after that you go through a thing called a discovery, and you have to give in all your bank statements and show what's in your bank, and then it bees halved 50-50. So Adele is worth three hundred and eighty million. Is that all? Is that all?

SPEAKER_01

Change. I thought she would have been worth three hundred and eighty million. Adele has uh probably the biggest UK albums of all time. I thought she would have been worth like a billion. But she was a billionaire.

SPEAKER_00

Rihanna has a micoplane and all. And so he's getting ha well, he was getting half of that three hundred. What does he do for himself? Is he was was his job? Well, listen to this for a cracker. So through the discovery, which is when you give your bank statements, the solicitors go through with a fine tooth comb and they realized that he was actually having an affair while they were married because he was booking into hotels with one other person. Oh my god. And all the ditts that Adele was out of the country on different things and uh receipts for meals, and they were going back in CCTV and seeing him with a woman, so it's void, null, he gets zero. She was having an affair. Because he was having an affair. But why how how does that mean you don't get anything? Well, because he broke the marriage rules.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, there's rules. Rules rules, I forgot. So if you break the rules, you don't get things in the divorce? No. Must keep that in mind, didn't know that. Oh, you no affairs. No, no affair. What what's orgos? What's an orals? I can stick to that one. I can't use your monzo.

SPEAKER_00

No, I couldn't believe that. I was like, why I needed to get three bank statements again.

SPEAKER_01

Um what an idiot. You would be able to control yourself for half of 380 million? No.

SPEAKER_00

No, I didn't. So but this was while they were married. This was in through in the two-year separation period. What an idiot. What an idiot.

SPEAKER_01

So maybe he didn't know that rule.

SPEAKER_00

Don't have an affair when you're married.

SPEAKER_01

But maybe he didn't know don't have an affair when you're married, or you won't get millions. Because I'm sure she wasn't one of that. I well no, don't have an affair, but I mean he had a pretty big incentive there not to, even if it wasn't the love. I cannot believe that.

SPEAKER_00

Anyone thinking about having an affair.

SPEAKER_01

Check their bank account first, and if they're loaded, don't do it.

SPEAKER_00

Just don't do it. It really hurts people.

SPEAKER_01

It brings up families. I ruined family. The last time I heard about him and her, I thought they were very in love.

SPEAKER_00

When we last reading the news on Adele.

SPEAKER_01

So like six years ago. Well, see, I wouldn't be reading a lot of news in Adele.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I wouldn't be reading a lot of news, but I just did for this podcast. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

That was very good of you. Right, we're gonna go because we've really like, oh my god, we have so much to talk about. We get we we just go over time all attempts. I know. And Julie's charged us a fortune, so we may go. I would have to just support Ryan in prison.

SPEAKER_00

Um She wants us to wear our shamrock out of here. I know. See if we walked up the street in Ballet Claremont Street like this, would we get jumped or anything?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. Aye then. She's like, I don't know. I jump by her.

SPEAKER_00

Like if I spray on the right side now. If we went and down the street to get a sandwich, would they like spit on her sandwich or something? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01

Julie would think so.

SPEAKER_02

I'm I'll put it to the test.

SPEAKER_01

By the way, she's not able to confidently say no.

SPEAKER_02

I can't, I can't I can't say that about anything, to be honest.

SPEAKER_00

Will we put it to the test? Will we walk out like this and see who gets that first?

SPEAKER_01

Not my nose, though. I have to cover my nose. Well, not my face my face is my moneymaker. Uh it's actually your voice, but anyway. Uh right. Thank you so much for tuning into the podcast. Happy St. Patty's Day to all who celebrate. Um, and we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_00

See you next week. Don't forget to sign up for the Patreon. Um Bumblebatch in the Wild Patreon, which we have episodes going out every Wednesday there. In the Wild, us out about Wild Wednesdays. Let there's a Wild Wednesdays. Just come up with that. Wild Wednesdays, love that. I love it, it's great. We don't want to be a good one.

SPEAKER_01

Well, we'll wide. And also uh we have tickets left for our Belfast show, not too many, but jump on and get those. Mandela Hall. What day is it? 29th of May? Twenty ninth May. We will see you all there. But uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Perfect Matt, thank you so much for watching. I am Jenna, aka Bumbo. And I'm Emir, aka Butch. Bye. Bye.