Bimbo & Butch Podcast | Ep 033 | Labour Pains

Welcome to Bimbo and Butch Podcast! 


Join comedian Emer Maguire, and business owner Jenna McCusker, as they embark on this hilarious podcast of two total opposites with a whole lot of laughs. 


This week Emer & Jenna take part in an experiment to simulate contractions, and so much more!


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Jenna McCusker 


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Emer Maguire 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:05

I don't usually smoke, but here do you have a light? It must be girls. Hi everybody, welcome to this week's episode of the Bimbo and Butch Podcast. I am your host, Emir, aka Butch.

SPEAKER_04 0:24

And I am your host, Jenna, aka Bumbo. Thank you so much for tuning in for another week of Madness. Well, I it is madness because the one job Emer has for this volunteer forecast is to print out the notes. And did she print out the notes this week? No. Of course she didn't.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

But who sat and done them all? Me. I print them out religiously, right? And then we put the notes down and then I don't read them or look at them. They're for Jenna. But they are. I forgot I was I was so busy today. I was in such a rush. I'll tell you everything I did today. Right. You you do it and then I'll do it. I wrote a script this morning for TV, sent it off. I had a shower, big deal for me. Um I went to BBC and was live on the radio, meeting Dougal. I then went and brought Dougal to Doggy School. Right. And we did a little bit of training with three trainers, me and him. I then drove to Hillsborough. What's that? To see my what do you mean, what is it? Hillsborough. It's a a town? Is it a village or hamlet? It sounds like a mental as an asylum.

SPEAKER_03 1:31

Hillsborough. Hillsborough's where the royals have their homes.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Yeah, Hill it's Royal Hillsborough. I think it's very posh. Yeah. What do you mean, as opposed to what flight? What do you mean? Why are you driving there? What's got you up in that neck of the woods? I had uh an appointment with my surgeon. Oh, right. A surgeon for what? Saying hand surgeon because um did I have I told you about my hands? Is there something wrong with your hands now? And then I'll tell you that in a minute. So met my surgeon and then I then I drove here all the way to Valley Claire, uh stopped in the apple green, had a great time. Me and Doug went in, we went to the toilets, we did a wee walk around, we went and I bought a pink Lucasade and a little packet of beef hula hoops. A thousand pounds. Well absolutely went out to the car, tasted one of my beef hula hoops in the hole that was already opened, and I thought, Well, these are steel. So I got a packet that were already open. Yeah, I would have took them back in. I did go back in and swap them because I was really hungry. When no one was looking, or did you tell the kids? Oh no, no, I queued up. I queued up and waited and then said to the guy, I'm so sorry. I was in here about um three and a half minutes ago and I bought a piccolo cazade and I bought a packet of beef uh hullips, but I am so sorry to let you know they're actually open at the bag and I tasted two of them and they were stale. So could I please You went back on for a second? Because I thought maybe the first one was a bad one. So I took it out of my mouth, gave it a juggle, and then I tasted the second one and it was just as bad. So and here's me, I felt so bad saying to the guy, and he just says, Yeah, no problem. And I thought I could be a con woman. In fact, I I bought 28 packets of them, they're all the same. Oh no. So I did that. But yes, my um my hand surgeon, I'm sure I've told you about my hands, I've been out. Aye, that something's wrong with them, just yeah. So what what is what is what's she saying? So I had to go so I keep losing power in my hands. So either they'll be very pins and needly or I'll just lose power, which is obviously an issue. Like as a musician. As anything. As a lesbian. I can't as anything. I can't feel my hand. So they'll be fine and then all of a sudden they'll just go. So I've been at a few gigs recently and I've been playing guitar, and this hand will just go, and I'll just have to play on one string with this hand. Um so I went so have carpal tunnel in both my hands. Right. Um and she thinks maybe a problem with the nerve and my elbow as well. So what are they gonna do about that? Well, I had to go, I was going today to get results because I had nerve conduction study, so I had to go uh and get all these electrodes hooked up to me. Um and then the doctor was giving me electric shocks in all different places, seeing how fast my nerves reacted and how fast the electrical signals were travelling. Um and every time he did it, it was I don't know how long the point was, maybe forty-five minutes. Every time he did it, I was like, oh was it sore? Yeah, it was electric shock. But I was trying to act like it wasn't sore. Which yeah, which was which was and he was like That's the whole point of the study though.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

You're you're you're supposed to know when the No I didn't.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

It it's not how I react. It's um a reading comes up from the shock on the computer, so it doesn't matter if I scream or don't scream or whatever, it all comes up like numbers come up on a computer. Um so yeah, they sent that to my consultant today and she said yes the capital tunnel. So she's gonna try and not jump to me having surgery on both my hands, given that I am a musician. Well, I'm a comedian, but obviously it's musical comedy.

SPEAKER_04 4:57

What kind of surgery?

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Just do a hand transplant.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

You can do that now?

SPEAKER_02 5:02

I could use your hands.

SPEAKER_04 5:03

I have great hands.

SPEAKER_02 5:04

If I had a hand if I had a hand transplant with you, would I still be able to play guitar and piano? I don't I but I don't know about fingering. That's actually easier than guitar and piano.

SPEAKER_04 5:15

No, I tried piano lessons. My fingers are too small.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

Re uh it's not probably not they're too small, they probably don't have great dexterity. That's probably what is what's dexterity? You know how much you can stretch and you know Yeah. So maybe that's the problem.

SPEAKER_04 5:33

It was taking me ages to get f from one key to the next. Yeah. So that's my hand problem. So do you want to hear about my day? Um I suppose.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

Yes, tell me about your day. We have had very busy days. Except for Julie. We have had very busy days.

SPEAKER_04 5:48

It's the middle of the night. It's a non-gauntly hour to be. This is the latest we've ever recorded a podcast. It feels so weird. It feels unnatural.

SPEAKER_02 5:56

The latest ever like Julie, what time is it?

unknown 5:59

Half six.

SPEAKER_02 6:00

Half six. We should be in bed.

SPEAKER_04 6:01

We could be in bed, and I'm all out of sorts because I'm my lending routine. And so I'm in my bedtime routine. Aye. But and my head, it's morning. It's morning time now, but but it's not. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. I don't like the change of it all, and there's new chairs, but I don't like it. So anyway. I think they're lovely though. They are, but it just takes a wee while to get used to.

SPEAKER_02 6:25

And they feel really, really nice. They feel like Dougle. They do feel a little bit like Dougle. Oh, we do have a special guest here. Dougal is here today. Can you even see him, Julie?

SPEAKER_03 6:35

No, not actually. No.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

We can't deny him. He's sleeping. He's sleeping, but I'm sure he'll come up at one at some point, but he is sleeping at the minute.

SPEAKER_04 6:43

So woke up, got a shower, packed my five outfits, got my son ready for school, left a park. Well, I had two of my own podcasts then. Oh yes. Okay, yes, you've been recording all day. So I had to go down, take my chairs from the back of my van from the live show. Yes. I thought these were your chairs when we came in here. No. So I had to get them and upstairs recorded two of my own podcasts. They both went over by half an hour. Oh god. So two outfit changes. Are we allowed to know who you had on? I had on Jamie Robinson, who is a referee, the youngest referee. Oh, he's four. No, he's a referee. I was for football. Oh sorry.

SPEAKER_02 7:23

No, for he's a football referee. Football referee, yeah. Do you know him? I know who he is, yeah. Lovely fella. I know I I don't know him personally. I just know of him as a sportsman.

SPEAKER_04 7:33

Uh really enjoyed his conversation. That's good. It was it was it was brilliant. Um and then I had a girl called Sarah Hercombe from Derry. What? What's wrong, Julie?

SPEAKER_02 7:42

Oh then. Why did you look at up and down?

SPEAKER_03 7:45

I was looking at the camera to make sure it was still recording.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

No, she went like us, didn't she? Both of us up and down?

SPEAKER_03 7:50

I was looking I was trying to think the we flashy flash.

SPEAKER_04 7:53

The we flashy flash? Maybe she doesn't like my iPad. Uh maybe or my holy earrings. Fair enough. You're what? Hol holy holy earrings. Oh no, I'm not wearing my holy earrings. Oh no, you're wearing shamrocks? I'm wearing shamrocks today, full Irish mode. Here, uh who's Sarah Harkin? She What?

unknown 8:11

What?

SPEAKER_04 8:12

You hear a woman's name. No, you told us about Jamie. Sarah Harkin, she's shown uh jump uh ladies only jum in dairy. Oh, very good. Um, and she is a wealth of knowledge, all about perimenopause, menopause, woman's health. So hers was more around that. So then had that and I drove to Bally Kelly and I'm here. Um Where did you drive to Bally Kelly? Oh, where are we?

unknown 8:34

Ballyclare.

SPEAKER_02 8:39

There's a there's a medical centre there, isn't there? I thought you were going to get your hands seen about for the hand transplant. Hey folks, we just want to say a big thank you to our sponsors on the podium prizes. If you head over to their website, they have some brilliant prizes up. They have vouchers, they have cash prizes, holidays, everything you could want. And they are two local boys, and they really, really want us to share their uh competition website with you. So go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 9:05

Also on the podium prizes sponsored um our live show in Dairy, where they give away three uh prizes to just three, was it three people that bought tickets from them? They give them 50 pounds in cash, that's how good they are, and without their support, our podcast wouldn't be able to keep going. So you can buy tickets for as little as 10p. I seen 10p. I bought them 10p. Some of the tickets are free. Some of them are free. The Sephora one's free. I think that's all going.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 9:32

So please, if you are and did that kind of thing, win in. Win in money. Win in the money, yeah. If anyone wants to win something, on the podium prizes.com or on the podium prizes on Instagram, and you can get them all there. Since we are all massive animal lovers here on the Bumblebotch Podcast, we have probably been sponsored by Dano's Pet Shop. Now, Dano's Pet Shop is based in Straban, and they've also opened a store in Derry in 2023. And Dano's is your one-stop shop for all things pet related. So they sell pet food, pet um treats, pet shampoo, anything pet related that you need is sold by Dano's.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Absolutely. Um, and we we're all dog owners here. Well, you were dog owner has sadly passed recently. Um Julie allegedly has a dog, and I have two dogs, everyone knows, but they do they do stuff for dogs, birds, fish, cats, tiny animals, everything. Uh uh, and they also um I love that the stores in Straban, obviously. I'm from Stravan, you're from Dirtney, so we've got a sponsor that's very local to us. Um and you mentioned the food there. No, they do some of the hypoallergenic food. They do. That's right. Is it Whistlers? Whistlers dog food. Yeah. I might take a wee run down there because people on the podcast know from last week that Albi was very sick and had pancreatitis and was in the vet hospital for a week.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

And he has to go on low-fat food now, so we might go down to Danos to get started out. And they have mystery boxes.

SPEAKER_04 10:51

I've seen that.

SPEAKER_02 10:51

Do you know where you get mystery boxes for like makeup and stuff for like football shards? Yeah, they have a natural mystery box where it's all different treats, you don't know what you're getting.

SPEAKER_04 10:58

So for your dog.

SPEAKER_02 10:59

That is absolutely well for your dog, I stupid, it's not for me. Um whatever animal you have. Absolutely. So thank you so much to that to Danos for sponsoring us. Um, we are we're very appreciative, and we know we have a lot of animal lovers as well who are watching and listening. So head to Danos. Um, what is it, Danos Pet Shop?

SPEAKER_04 11:18

Dano's Pet Shop.co.uk, and that's for Danos, and then whistlersdogfood.com for the dog food.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Absolutely. So have a wee check out uh and thank you, Danos.

SPEAKER_04 11:27

Thank you. We got we got um talking about nerves and nerve pains and all that. Um we got a listener. A listener Jesus Christ, my brain's not functioning, it's true, it's a muddle of the night. A listener submission, Julie. I'm struggling.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

We're gonna have to do one and done here.

SPEAKER_04 11:51

Who said um that we really helped them when they were going through postpartum? Oh and they're still going through it, and they love the Monday mornings listening to us. That is so lovely, and I thought, what a brilliant idea would it be? Do you feel a contraction? Sorry? Yeah. So I thought, why don't we why don't I, because emerto's absolutely fuck off with a podcast, why don't I sort as contraction stimulator? I message every private midwife, I messaged support groups, I messaged fucking everyone that I could think of. No one had a contraction machine, and then I found one. I didn't even know contraction machine was a thing. It is, and guess what? Well, I'm putting it on you now. No, hold on. I have never had to this.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

I was thinking, how am I going to feel contract? I was like, are we going to play like a really long experiment where you're I'm going to have to get pregnant right now, and then we are going to circle back to this in nine months and be like, Red, how's it feel? Alright. Open your legs and give us a punch. You do it first. Right.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

You always tell me to do it first.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

So I have never had a you d you haven't had I know you haven't had contractions because you had a out the sunroof?

SPEAKER_04 13:04

He came out the sunroof, but I I've always wanted to feel a contraction. Really?

SPEAKER_02 13:08

Just one. Well, we obviously have contractions in our bodies. Where do you What do you mean? Why am I with such uneducated women? And and a female orgasm is contractions. Well, I don't get many. I'm sorry, you just dread some everyone. Like, what's an orgasm? Nothing lesbians get uh that's so that's a that's a contraction, but it's just lower down. So you just have to No no no, but it's that's not painful. No, but it's still contraction.

SPEAKER_04 13:50

It's the same process, Julie. Have you had contractions?

SPEAKER_03 13:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 13:55

So we'll put it on you first so you can let us know if it did your your kids come out but of course you did. Do you hear the quasar? No woman can embalk without rubber forever forever. It's like a four-man band in her past.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

That's a really good impression. Here, Julie.

SPEAKER_05 14:14

That's not good impression.

SPEAKER_04 14:19

Exactly like you. Swear to god, when the cameras go off, the fucking When we're sleeping off her.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Julie, do you did you know? Obviously, I've not had that experience. Do you know before you go in if you're gonna have which way you're gonna have the child? Is it pre-grade? Is it which way? Like a C section or that, generally?

SPEAKER_03 14:42

Um Normal like normally if you so there you can have a plan C section, so But you only get that if there's a medic there's a case.

SPEAKER_04 14:50

I would need to have that if I was having a child.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

It can be a medical reason or like like yeah, well if you've had like birth trauma or you're just like I just can't like I know some people who have had to do I couldn't. H had to do it just because of anxiety, couldn't do what you tell it to hide over the whole thing.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

Well I couldn't I probably I would really struggle to either, but I definitely couldn't do the vaccinal one. I know there's no way in hell. No, heck no way. I wouldn't I know I wouldn't have the mental strength. I would be so terrified. And I would die.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Do you know when I was like really young growing up and discovered how babies were born that I had boobies?

SPEAKER_02 15:26

How boobies were born.

SPEAKER_04 15:27

Babies, sorry, it's my dairy accident because I've been up and dairy, because I love there. Um babies? I love I love there. Bobbies are born. I love it. Babies are babies are born, I love her. Um sorry guys. So I'll stop talking like this, shall I? Um oh where was I?

SPEAKER_02 15:45

About when boobies were born.

SPEAKER_04 15:47

Oh when boobies were born. I used to be kept up at night at the sheer fear of giving birth. Yep. And and that's not it's it is kind of normal now that I've spoken out about it. My nieces were the same, we don't have children, they're like, we are afraid.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

So see, when I was wee, I obviously must I obviously must have thought I was a wee boy or anything, so I I thought like I don't need to be scared, that's not gonna happen to me. But my sister, I remember when we were toddlers, she found um my big sister, she found a book that my mum had that I think was maybe a pregnancy book, or explained, I don't know if it was explained pregnancy to children or something, but there were pictures in it. Um and my sister found this and she was terrified and she used to scream and cry, I don't want a baby, I don't want a baby. No, actually, that's the opposite. My sister has ever wanted a baby. I say that now and he's 10. Yeah, I don't want a baby. And one time our auntie was um babysitting us, and my sister was really crying and really upset, and I remember my auntie saying, If you don't want a baby, God won't give you a baby. You only get a baby if God gives you a baby, and like that really, really settled her down. Um, I must tell her that's not true. That's how it works, but like she was terrified.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

I'm sorry, if I I forgot to tell you something. Well, I forgot to tell you. Are you pregnant? Oh I forgot to tell you to change your glasses. I'm so sorry. Gemma You changed my quick.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

What's wrong with them?

SPEAKER_04 17:16

She do you not like them? I like them because I think they're lovely, but she's like remind me at the start to change them because she talking a leg Emer has a new health complaint this week. It's not new, it's lifelong. It's not new. I've right, before I put this contraction machine on Julie, tell everyone I'm putting it on you.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Julie, it's going on and you have to tell us if it's real. These are my plastic glasses. And I have to wear these when I intermittently have an allergic reaction to my mental glasses. So every so often, if I ha I'm having an allergic reaction on my body, on my skin to something, I get a little sp area in my face, it has makeup on it, and I see you and I see it. But right here, I get a big welt. You saw it before putting makeup on, a big crusty welt. She said to me, Can you see this? And I go, It's barely swollen. She goes, No, I'm not just. So I get a big welt and it weeps and it's so crusty, and then it moves up my face and it's so so so itchy and so sore.

SPEAKER_04 18:17

So I just said I comment and I says, Oh, did you get new glasses? And she goes, Remind me to change these because I hate them.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

Yeah, because I look like the man out of lovely bones. Do you ever see Lovely Bones with Stanley Tucci? The the creep who docks the Uyghur and puts her on underneath the underneath the ground? That's who I look like. A paedophile, that's what she makes. That's who I look like. That's what I'm just trying to say. So I have to then wear these plastic glasses, but I don't tend to wear them in public. Why though? Why don't I wear them in public? Because I think they look really weird. And I am my features are so indistinct that I feel these just make me look even more indistinct. No, I think they they suit you better than your metal ones. Better than my glasses I wear every day in my life.

SPEAKER_03 19:00

What do you think, Julie? I think you look lovely in both. No, what do you actually do?

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Get off the fence.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

I can't actually remember what your other ones look like on the floor. She's got to go put them on there.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

Okay, I know. Well I I do like them too, but I I do like them.

SPEAKER_03 19:23

I think you really said the other ones. I think I I think they're they're both lovely, but I don't I think you're not giving the other ones enough credit. Really?

SPEAKER_04 19:32

Julie.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

I'm shook.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Um thank you both for that confidence boost. What confidence boost? She's like, she says that look nice in the other ones. I like the other ones as well. Hang on now. Adam ready. You look it does make you look like yourself again.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

That I look like my evil twin or something in the I just think other ones. I look at the thing.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

There's too much change happening in the one go here. Yeah. And um, I don't like it. So Joey, when you have a contraction, does it be here, here, or down here?

SPEAKER_03 20:14

Mine were uh I have back to back, so I have back to back labour, so mine my labours were all on my back. I felt like my back was breaking during that.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

I was gonna ask the question. Did you put your hand up the wing as well? Excuse me, miss. Um word this. Just she was saying here, here, here, you're saying in your back. Did you ever get a contraction in your bottom?

SPEAKER_03 20:42

Like which one?

SPEAKER_02 20:44

During giving birth.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

Which one?

SPEAKER_02 20:45

What do you mean which bottom?

SPEAKER_04 20:46

Front bum or back bum? Is that what you mean? Yeah. The back one? The regular one? Well, every I think every woman that gives birth that way poo's because. But that's why I'm asking. They don't tell you if you do.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

I definitely don't poo.

SPEAKER_04 21:01

They don't tell you if you do, they just scrap around.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

I definitely didn't.

SPEAKER_04 21:04

How do you how are you so definite? Ryan's probably gone away offie after that. If they shit themselves during liber. If you saw them, if you watched them. Well, I mean, they're they're they're more or less dying to give birth to half of you, so I would like to think not. Well, not always half, you know, that was very heteronormative.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Well, but I would be thinking the same. I'd be thinking that would how would that put somebody off?

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Like I would think this person is amazing for I know.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

If it was your say my wife or something, I'd be like, they're ha they're they're having work for us, yeah. And okay, they've shot themselves, but I think Julie.

SPEAKER_03 21:52

I think you see so much during labour that like it forgot. Like, yeah, I think I think like putting yourself Would be the least of your own. The least, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

So he delivered those babies in Africa. I told you before. That's right. Sorry, are you speaking? Not in secret? No. It was on the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

You had to do the rounds in Africa.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

Is anybody coming to do the rounds in Africa? I'll take it away. So I um I don't even know what that was. I uh You got a horse? Why? Are there horses in Africa? Do you think they don't have cars? We're gonna cut that to it. Um so you're like you on Safari. Uh so I yeah, I delivered loads of babies when we were over there. Hi. And Julie's right. I first of all I never noticed anybody go to the toilet. But second of all, I know I can't even say P-O-O. Um but also everything else that came out was very um attention grabbing, I would say. So I wouldn't especially the placenta.

SPEAKER_04 23:03

I wanted to see man, it's like a big brainy jellyfish. Massive. It's humongous. Really, really big. Did you know? You will know this actually because you're a lesbian. Women have three holes down there. Obviously. I didn't know that until I had a learned self-catherase. You didn't know. I didn't know we had a uretha. I did not know that. Euretha Franklin. Euretha Franklin. No, my nurse. Hang on. But so what did you think we had?

SPEAKER_02 23:32

I just thought it came out with the butt with the woolly goes up. But what about for people like me were not no no wooly goes up? Did you think I was just I don't know. I you thought the badge a little opening.

SPEAKER_04 23:46

Yes, I genuinely don't know if I was that high on morphine or I I don't know. But she said, This is a catheter and we're going to teach you how to do it yourself kind of thing. And she said, No, this will go and you're no, she goes, try and do it. It's really hard to do. So Yeti, Doomer, put it up like a tampon, and she goes, What are you doing? And I was well, what? And she goes, That's that's not the right thing. And I she couldn't believe it. She was like, Do you have children? And I go, uh one, and she goes, and you did and I go, Well, to be fair, I had a section, but she I wonder if other people don't know that. She messages me, messaged me last week and was like, I am literally laughing so hard at the time that I had to tell you that you had an uretha. You had three. And you know how hard it is to get something inside your urethra? Oh, it's tiny. Tiny? It's hard to spot. It's like a millimeter. I know, it's tiny. And see where your legs open. Even rare you can't even And I have no feeling, so I was poking and poking and poking till I was bleeding. It was it was.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Well, actually, it's probably better to do that with no feeling because that would be a horrendous pain. Julie, did you know you have three perforations? Three holes.

unknown 24:58

I'll be.

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Julie has four now, yeah. I think for a long time I didn't know.

SPEAKER_04 25:04

Thank God, Julie. I know. What? I I still I don't know how I knew.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

I think I've always just known.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

You're down there. You're down there. I don't close to me to do that. I don't be down there counting. I d yeah, I definitely didn't know.

unknown 25:17

Right.

SPEAKER_04 25:18

Like an abacus. So I'm gonna ask again, Julie, and you're gonna give me the answer to this.

SPEAKER_02 25:20

Hang on, I want to know if our watchers and listeners who knew that and who didn't know that, or how long did it take you to know that?

SPEAKER_04 25:26

Well, I when I broke my back, what was I, 33? Jesus Christ!

SPEAKER_02 25:30

My age! So that's like being my age and not knowing. Didn't know. I had no idea.

SPEAKER_04 25:39

Well, I took double award science and biology. I'd like to think somewhere along the line maybe I was off that day when they learned about your I think this is the thing.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

They don't teach you, they assume that you know all the basics and they don't teach you that stuff. Like I there's just a couple of things that I thought about the body that my friends used to take the mick out of me for, and I I just didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 25:56

Like what?

SPEAKER_03 25:58

Tell us, please, tell us, Julie. Come on, Shirley.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Come on. Come on, J Dog.

SPEAKER_03 26:04

I might have to cut this. No.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Oh no, okay, but tell us and then you can cut it if you want to.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

But we don't give you permission to cut anything because we're okay in front.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

I used to think that the hair grew up the penis.

SPEAKER_04 26:14

Right? The full way up to the tip. That is horrendous. That is disgusting. Like a corn in the cob. I'm gonna vomit. I'm gonna as if holies weren't rotten off. I wouldn't know. I've never seen one really cob Like a corn in the cob with a way.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

I yeah. I can see why you thought that because I probably just said no.

SPEAKER_04 26:37

I've only seen stage three when you realised that that doesn't matter. She got married.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

You know, whenever I was in school and and uh I was having a conversation with my friends and they were like, wait, hang on, wait.

SPEAKER_02 26:52

Can I ask a question? Where does it where does it stop?

SPEAKER_03 26:54

Because I obviously haven't seen Jenna, you can answer that one.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

Why?

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Where does yours stop?

SPEAKER_04 27:03

Where does it stop? When was the last time I seen one? No, I actually don't it it doesn't grow on the shaft at all. I did see one recently on Game of Thrones, but but I mean at that spot You're on tender again, aren't you pretending to be me?

SPEAKER_02 27:27

So we've seen one there, but um it was someone who was it was an older man who didn't have hair anywhere, so it was just looked like you know, I don't know what to become just a yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:37

Well I I'm going back in my memory or so my memory's not great, but I don't think it grows up the shaft unless unless you grow out the poop account and straighten it, perhaps. Oh but that joy has given me the worst vision ever and I was to myself.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Julie, what else did you think? This is an old joke. What else did you think?

SPEAKER_03 27:59

I'm gonna remove myself. She's all jolly, what else? Julie, tell us. Aye, but like uh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

Well, want to hear something so funny. My niece used to think that only women smoked cigarettes because her mommy back in the day smoked cigarettes, and my and my sister, well her sister smoked cigarettes, so she'd never seen a man smoking cigarettes before. But so full of So she said that when she was coming home from school one day, she's seen her next door neighbour who's a man, married man with a family at the front door smoking, and she was all, oh my god, he's kidding! And he's got an entire family. She was so upset. And she was like, How am I gonna tell my mom about it? No, and about this, and it was it's the funniest thing because you're not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_02 28:41

But how do you if you've never seen something, how do you know? Do you know what I mean? How weird is it to a man smoking a cigarette?

SPEAKER_04 28:48

I guess it is. Why is it we I think it's weird anyone smoking a cigarette?

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Cigarette? Bad we say there. Not let's say that. Uh it yeah, it is like I don't know. I guess there's things that when you're younger, if you just don't know them, you just don't know them. Do you know what I mean? Like if there's things you just don't know. Like, if there's a lot of times if boys make dirty jokes. No, I don't I don't get them. Dirty jokes Because I don't get them. How would I? I couldn't even give you an example, but it's hard to disably. I heard someone say I remember years ago I heard someone say um like banjo string. And I thought, oh, there's a great musician. I had never heard that before. I still don't understand what it is. Do you know what a banjo string is, Julie?

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah, I learned recently.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

Oh recently?

SPEAKER_03 29:39

No, not through I just bottomed.

SPEAKER_02 29:41

She's like, I learned recently, I just googled it. But there's so many things like how how would you know?

SPEAKER_03 29:46

I don't know how you'd know.

SPEAKER_04 29:47

I j I've just heard as well, but apparently every fella has enough their banjo string at one stage, but I think they're just lying. I don't even know what it is.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

It's the Is it is that the scientific term?

SPEAKER_04 29:59

No.

SPEAKER_02 29:59

Jesus Christ, I doubt it. Just going to operate on the stuff.

SPEAKER_04 30:05

We were called this part. The shaft. Then we'll call this part testicles and then the banjo string.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

I don't think it's called the shaft. I don't think that's a medical term.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Oh my god, I assume it's the phallus or something. Sorry. Ever knows more about penis and phones than her pretending she doesn't.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

So I did study it when I was at uni.

SPEAKER_04 30:34

Back to our per postpartum listener. Sorry. To get to where we are. So, Joey, I'm gonna ask again, was when you contract it in the front, does it behare around your belly button or low? Front back or shed.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

My front.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

Right, well, you're about to feel what it's like.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

No, I am not doing this. You are? You didn't.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

We have to put it on you first because you're the one that gave birth. So you're you'll know what it feels like.

SPEAKER_03 31:04

You just give birth differently.

SPEAKER_04 31:05

But so I don't know if this is truly life.

SPEAKER_03 31:08

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Oh, she wants to know if it feels like what it actually felt like. Aye. Before we do it. Right, so. Watch my pure purse read innocent Dougle.

SPEAKER_03 31:17

You don't have to put it on my back or on my stomach? No, we'll put it in your stomach.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Might not get through my six pack. Look at her unbuttoning her trousers. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_04 31:28

Ah, you have to unbutton your trousers?

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

Is this gonna be loud and scare Dougal?

SPEAKER_00 31:35

No. Wait, where are you gonna stick it? In my bigger blue belly? Right. My big granny maker shit. Oh my hair? On her shaft. Right. Stick it over the belly button.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

Right. Oh, I think about here.

SPEAKER_02 31:53

Because that's where you get paid pain. That's probably a good place. That's probably exactly where it is.

SPEAKER_03 31:56

I don't know if I want you to be able to control this. No, I I know how to work it. So do I I have one of how can I can I I actually got one the ironic thing is, no, hang on, no, I don't trust it. Wait, I'll press I'll press the open. Never press it.

SPEAKER_04 32:27

Yeah, I can keep going until we get the contraction so that we never can do it in the contraction.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Right, keeping it going.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Can you feel it? Is it sore or is it okay? Is it enjoyable?

SPEAKER_03 32:52

It's just weird.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

It's like my nerve studies. Okay, tickles. It's not supposed to Pump it up higher. Pump it up in third. She's only sat down now with the pain. What number are we on?

SPEAKER_00 33:07

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

It's gonna be sore on me, because it's gonna jiggle my fat.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

I think it's in the wrong place.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

Does it have to be lure?

SPEAKER_05 33:20

Oh just have a hell! Just make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. Digle's like Diggle's not his way over to you. Come here, baby. Okay, he's scared. Okay, we're gonna take that off.

SPEAKER_03 33:40

Right. What number? I don't know what number I got to, but I don't like that. That's gross.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

Yeah, maybe so.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Sorry, Diggle. It just it started ramping it up because it no it had like a way, it had like a way. Right, so come back. It was going to like a way bait, and then it suddenly changed up the rhythm. So then it caught me off guard. I just saw your sick.

SPEAKER_04 34:13

Can you confirm is it as close to a contraction as you can get?

SPEAKER_03 34:19

Um no, I didn't feel like it. But I fuck. I wouldn't like to see you in Liberty.

SPEAKER_04 34:23

You nearly went out that window.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Yeah, it's only you go to you go to sleep, we move. Right, Eva. No, you go next. It's all right. You go next. I'm I'm s I'm giving the gomorso.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

I do think I do think I have to do it. I think you didn't need to put it down a wee bit lower. Right.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

So while this while I'm having the contraction, I'm gonna read out some um comments and questions that have been sent to the crack. Right, so where are you where? Julie, you're my hair stuck out.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

She's a worth head of hair on her.

SPEAKER_03 35:06

I'd say so.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

Right. I'll not be stamming my belly out like that, let me tell you. Not letting nobody see this six pack for free.

SPEAKER_04 35:15

Right, I'm scared. Right, so many did you press how many did you press? Twenty. Twenty? Right, okay. And hold on to everyone and get my things ready. Is that connected to Bluetooth in your phone? No, I'm getting the things up the phone. I thought you were controlling that.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

I thought that's very futuristic. I thought that would have been very crafty if she was. Futuristic.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

She was just putting yours away up.

SPEAKER_04 35:47

I would be putting hers away up straight to 30. What did I do with it? Oh there, Bumblebutch, right. Right. Where's the plus button? I can't see. Right. 20?

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Do you press it 20 times, Julie?

SPEAKER_03 36:07

Is that how you get to 20? Yeah. But that's not definitely interpretable.

SPEAKER_04 36:12

20 there. It goes up to 30. She said. Is it sore?

SPEAKER_02 36:18

It's bearable. I'm gonna have I'm gonna put it up to the page. Oh, you've got a cheat code because you're paralyzed. It's not in stomach. The only time you'll ever use that sentence.

SPEAKER_04 36:31

Great. I'm gonna put it up to 30. Okay. Because it has it has hurting, but not as much as I would think a contraction would. Oh fuck, hold on.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

I'm following it. I'm so nervous. That must have been one thing. Fuck! She got a scared dog.

SPEAKER_05 36:51

Keep your voice down. Sorry for giving birth.

SPEAKER_06 36:55

Oh right, come on, read the book.

SPEAKER_04 36:59

Oh my channel's finished this week's pod and I reward. And I have to tell you this the G string is the way more comfy than a song. But when I left at home and my dad did my washing on occasions, this one time he said to me in front of my boyfriend, who is now my husband, here. Your G rope is on the line. G rope because your heart is too big for a G string.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

G rope. How bad is it? What are you gonna call it?

unknown 37:36

Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Is it manageable? Well, I'm doing good. Well, you don't know you're not? I have I have one of those at home because Ah the Pickett stop. You have one?

SPEAKER_03 37:50

Yeah, because they say that it's good to bring those into l like whenever you're in labour, bring them into hospital with you and wear it so that it distracts you from the pain distractions.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

So the pains are distracting from the pain?

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Basically, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:04

It might work. Jeez, I'm I'm all tingly.

unknown 38:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

It's a weird we tingly feeling. Right, Imor's turn. I can't work.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Right.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

Right here. Right, hold on. So if you're shit. Right, I'll turn it on, right? And then it's called the point. Why are you on like a fully pregnant woman?

SPEAKER_02 38:40

I'm a laborer! Do I'm okay? Go and go up to 30, I went up to 30. That's nice. The first one.

SPEAKER_04 38:53

Number one, go up to 30. No, you can't take your time, you have to press.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Oh, 13. 14, 15, 10. I gotta beat 30. You have to beat that. You have to give it 17, 18, 19, 20.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

And then the next one's gonna come. Oh my lord. I can't I don't know if I can go higher than that. It's okay. Oh nigga, your brother's coming. Oh and is that how far apart they come? It's alright. It's alright once it's not there.

SPEAKER_04 39:35

Oh, it's alright once it's getting re breather and then get you again. Right, whack it up to 30 now and read a comment out of your phone.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

I couldn't read anything like this. Right, let me get up. Jesus, sweet Francis.

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Right, one, two, three. This'll be 23. Freaking D30. Oh. Oh, oh! Oh! I can't, I can't take it. That one does short, short. And you're in complete distress. Tickle to your job, please. Right. So I'm t I'm actually sweating. Is it a third amount please don't use one of those tilts of my face for that?

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Please don't. Right. Is it a third amer? No, it's a 23. Get out of the emergen.

SPEAKER_05 40:48

It's done. It's done. It started going mental.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

It started going tss, t, t, t, oh my god. Well, that helped me get a sex poker. I I was going to go higher.

SPEAKER_03 41:03

But then all of a sudden it started. Jesus Christ. It started a freeway. That's what I mean. It changes the rhythm on you without it.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

I think I'm uh my heart, my sinus rhythm might go.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

I thought you were gonna die there.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

I thought I was gonna die. See at the start, right? It was going zzz. See there towards the end? All of a sudden it's sort of going zzz. And there was no relief. No rest. I would've needed gas and air. I have oil pain in my neck.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

I think I wouldn't need a gas and air. Please try and get the 30. Ema, I sat like a champ and read a thing on 30.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Can I I have a lot more Area to be pained? I think it must be sore the larger you are. You're making up things.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

Can I again make a suggestion?

SPEAKER_02 42:02

She's gonna say let's not because we'll get sued.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Um no, I was gonna say so I did this game at my 30th birthday. Contractions? No. Put it on your arm right and try to take a drink. Right. That's a good game.

SPEAKER_02 42:20

Because I couldn't do that there again on the summer.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

I I love it the topic. Is it turned off? Because you have to make sure it's off before you touch it wear hands. Oh que dict. Right, Emer, when you get this on your arm. Your what?

unknown 42:39

Which one?

SPEAKER_03 42:40

Don't put it on your battery.

SPEAKER_04 42:41

Which part of your arm?

SPEAKER_03 42:42

I don't have a good arm. Which part? Um just uh uh like anywhere here.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

Here's my my hand and arms. We're just gonna be thinking one or something wrong with her. She watches the podcast. Does she? I've never I've never done this before.

SPEAKER_04 42:56

I thought this might actually cure it. Right. Straight the thirty on thirty times. But if no thinking about it.

SPEAKER_02 43:07

No. I don't know. No! You can't I I know I'll break the glass.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

No, you're not breaking the glass, to be fair.

SPEAKER_04 43:15

I am am I am I listening? Why? What why would you have an electric shock?

SPEAKER_02 43:23

Because there's not electric going through me. It's electrodes. Yes, but sending electric But it wouldn't come out the palm of your hand. But that's your hand's a conductor, isn't it? Right, thirty. Now. We have to wait for Julie in case I need medical attention. You need it right now.

SPEAKER_04 43:45

What right, thirty. Fast Fast, just do it fast, fast, fast, fast.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

Right, you need the drink in your hand.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

I remember I have turtles all.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

That's a lot.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

Tent. Oh my lord. You see that? Do you see that? It's not open up whenever whenever people are like doing the doing the Ouija board. And and it's like something else is moving your hand.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Do it on a tin click.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Hang on. Hang on. Don't do three, four, five, right? That's not good, that's not good, that's not good. That's not good. That's not good. Oh my god. Oh my god. I thought my arm was never gonna come out again.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

Another five. You have to try and take a drink. Right, maybe turn it down a wee bit later. No! Another five!

SPEAKER_02 44:48

That's not I can't do another five. No. It's gone up! It's gone up! It's gone up! It's gone up! There's no way you're gonna be able to go higher than this. What did you want as that? No, no, no. Get it off. Get it off. Get it off. That's making me feel like my arm's never gonna go back to normal. That is her rhythmic. It's maybe good. It might be good for your carpal top. I don't think so. I'm not meant to put my arm in that shape. I meant to keep it like that. That was awful. Oh my god. Don't tell anybody I told you to do that. How many did you get to? Okay, don't tell anyone. Right. It's Oh. No, my account is my finger.

SPEAKER_04 45:34

Right, so what did you get to? 15. Right, well I just go ahead and put it straight up to 15 then. If you want to. I feel like it might be. Please don't drop that, my phone's over there. Where? Plumped in. Right, so 15 fast.

SPEAKER_03 45:47

Just hold your glass away from the mic away back there. No, it was fine. Give the mic up and just bring like this.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

That was really bad. Yeah, because you're one four, five, six, seven. Hey, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Okay. Right, yeah. Push your mic away back. Do you have to try and drink out of this?

SPEAKER_02 46:09

Aye, but hold. It's not doing the same to yours as it's doing to mine.

SPEAKER_04 46:12

I have a wild good pain threshold.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

I wasn't doing it because of pain. I know it's attracting. Yeah. Aye, you have to turn yours up. You have to turn yours up. I have a height.

SPEAKER_03 46:26

Maybe my nerves is maybe is that the parallel side of your of your body?

SPEAKER_02 46:31

Yeah, it is. It actually is. Turn it up. Because see, when I was doing it, I turned it up. Zero power over my hand. Maybe that's because of my carpal tunnel. It's not even on properly. Oh, there's more area for me to be contacted. It's not it's not touching you as much. Get it off!

SPEAKER_04 46:53

That was r that was sore.

SPEAKER_02 46:55

Is that bad? Aye. Oh my god. Oh he's so good. That was terribly sore. That was horrendous. In conclusion. Horrendous.

SPEAKER_04 47:08

What are we doing? Vaginal births or absolutely not. Can I put it on Dougle?

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Absolutely not. My hand, my my arm's all fuzzy. I know. Is yours? Aye, so that's how my hand feels with a carpal tunnel. That's exactly what it feels like. Like all fuzzy and dead, and you don't really have control over it.

SPEAKER_04 47:29

Oh my god. That's what it feels like. Do you think that I kickstarted carpal tunnel? You might have. Carpal tunnel, let me tell me.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

That was really sore. So so sore. Oh my god, are we out of time, Julie? Yeah. Oh my god. Sorry, Julie. Sorry, Julie. She's like wrap it up. That was really sore. I wonder if anyone else has tried that. Or so what is that actual what is that for?

SPEAKER_04 47:53

That's a tens machine for back pain? No. Back pain. Well, suppose back pain and pelvic pain.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Do you use it for your back or your pelvic?

SPEAKER_04 48:01

It's my sister's. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

So she let me borrow it. Well, very good. I'm sure she'll love our DNA been all over that sticky back. Like buttonhead, I can't believe she'd part it wet. Oh my god. What does she use it for sore back? Uh front. Excuse me. She puts it in her knickers. Down yours. That was really um that pain in the arm. It wasn't even pain, it was painful. But it was just an to not have control over your arm, like that was really scary. That that is scary. That was really scary.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

But is it because we're wearing rings?

SPEAKER_02 48:36

I don't know. I don't think so. I don't know. It's just I think because the the electricity's been all messed up. Oh my god, that was good though. I enjoyed that. I should be able to drive home okay. I don't know.

unknown 48:48

Hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Could I have to drive on my feet? Doug'll have to drive me home. Um thank you for joining us for this week's episode. We'll continue this next week. Uh because we have run out of time because we we were uh working with our tens machine.

SPEAKER_04 49:00

Thank you very much for listening. So we'll see you all next week. Thank you.