Start Before You’re Ready

Welcome to Further Forward. In this debut solo, Ashley gets real about fear, comparison, and the lie that life change should be fast and easy. She shares how her father’s legacy, the rawness of motherhood, and the noise of social media pushed her to finally hit record, and why becoming is built on tiny, consistent steps. Expect honesty, embodiment, and conversations that value curiosity over comfort, and depth over hot takes. If you’ve got a spark you keep talking yourself out of, this one’s your sign: say yes, start small, and move further forward.

Show Notes: 

• Why Ashley almost didn’t start this podcast—and what changed
• Feelings vs. facts: why resonance matters for real change
• Redefining success beyond followers, money, and grind culture
• Curiosity > comfort: challenging ideas without losing respect
• Comparison, social media, and the pace of becoming
• Grief, urgency, and the legacy of Ashley’s father (a boxer & mailman)
• Motherhood, community, and doing hard things when you’re tired
• The practice of one small step—the “.1 on the treadmill” mindset
• Invitation: pick the next right step and begin

Follow along: 

Instagram

@furtherforwardpod

@blackgirlmagicmama

Websites

further-forward.com 

https://blackgirlmagicmama.substack.com/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Wow, what a moment this is. I am so thrilled to welcome you to Further Forward, Honest Conversations About the Art of Becoming. This is a space that I have been dreaming about for a year and a half, and I will be honest with you, the reason why this podcast hasn't existed until now is that I didn't think that I could do it. Well, not that I didn't think that I could do it. I... continue to talk myself out of it. I continue to tell myself that the world didn't need another podcast. The world didn't need another person giving their opinions and their hot takes and talking about what matters to them. There's so much going on. There's so much that people need to focus on. But it doesn't stop other people. You know? It's always going to be true. It always has been true that there is so much going on and then there's people suffering and that there are other things to pay attention to and time is limited and resources are limited and on and on and on. That has always been true. And yet people still did what lit them up. And the people who didn't I'm sure they regretted it on their deathbed. Because when you have a spark inside of you, when there's a light, when there's something whispering to you to go after the thing that you most want to do or the thing that's going to take you to maybe the next level, you got to do it. Saying yes is half the battle. Oh my goodness, I'm like, I'm already going off. You don't even know who I am. Hi, I'm Ashley. Hi, I'm Ashley Mitchell. Welcome to Further Forward. This is my pod. You're going to get solo episodes with me, such as this one. You'll get some episodes with brilliant women that I know, have met, have sought out just for the purpose of being on this podcast. And I just, I, what I most want is for this pod to be a space for a couple of things. One, to question your relationship with fear, with shame, with anxiety, with your story. I want you to feel less alone in whatever it is you've been through or are going through. And it doesn't have to necessarily be because someone is going through the same thing or has your exact story, but because we're all carrying stuff. And we're all in the work of... trying to let go of as much as we can and of trying to be a good human, raise good humans, be of service to other humans. And so I believe by telling stories and by being honest about what that process looks like, it opens space up for more of us to be okay in our own skin and our own stories and also be able to move forward. I love podcasts that... Make me feel and help me learn. And I think the best podcasts do both, right? Because there's a quote that I don't know who said it. I'm sorry. Most of the quotes that I say, I'll have no idea of origin. I'll just know that I love it. Facts don't change things. Feelings do, right? Yeah. And so like you, you need both you want real you want data you want evidence but also like it has to hit you in order for it to change you. I hope this podcast does that for you in some way. I also love when I'm listening to podcasts, I love hearing from people that I've never met, never heard of. Maybe they're so niche that their book or their work, it would never be a TED Talk or it would never be a New York Times bestseller. Or maybe they're simply, you know, they're happy to share on a podcast, but they're not interested in being famous. They're not interested in having a million followers on Instagram or TikTok or whatever people are doing. And I love that because I think that sometimes folks like that don't get enough amplification, right? And they don't get to tell their stories, but it's also another way to look at success. And I think because of capitalism and grind culture and all that kind of stuff, we We've been trained to look at success in a particular way, through a particular lens. Lots of money, lots of stuff, lots of accolades, lots of followers. But success can look... vastly different for different individuals in different parts of the world. And we're allowed to not want the same things and to be joyful and satisfied about what it is we do want, even if that's different than the masses. We're allowed to carve our own paths. We're allowed to reject what we've been sold. And we probably should reject what we've been sold on a certain level, right? Because we're, I mean, we're watching so much crumble. So, you know, maybe now is really the time to examine what it is we really want, who it is we really are. Who will you be when we start to rebuild after we hit this inevitable rock bottom. We're going deep right away. Welcome. I'm also very much interested in pushing the boundaries of my comfort when I am learning. That does not mean I like to be disrespected. I like when someone challenges, you know, the way I see things. I like when I hear a perspective that makes me go, huh, never thought about it that way. Or I experienced something different or whatever it is. Right. And to be in a dialogue where curiosity and respect and also being Critical thinking and intellectualism and embodiment can all be at play at the same time. Now, I am a millennial, and I love us for trying to move the conversation forward. We are very, very much rejecting a lot of what our parents say what's the word I want to use? Maybe thought was right or thought was appropriate or, you know, the way they move through the world is not the way that we now move through the world. And I love that we have conversations around healing and boundaries and being able to articulate our feelings and being able to talk about the ideas of, you know, sort of self-respect and integrity and being well and being whole. And then for those of us who choose to be mothers raising children who then have those qualities.

UNKNOWN: 9:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 9:15

But I will say, because we got to think critically, I will say millennials, it's a little whiny sometimes. All of us, myself included. It's a little me, me, me, me, me, my comfort. I'm uncomfortable. I don't have to do this. This is my boundary. This is my process. Sometimes it's like, shut up. Because it's not all about you, just you and your comfort. And you have to investigate, like, what does that even mean anyway? Are you uncomfortable like your literal physical safety is being challenged? Are you uncomfortable like you just don't want to put up with it? You don't want to deal with it. You don't want to examine further. Because those are two different things. Or is it that you don't have the skill set yet to go deeper? There's something within you that you haven't yet developed. Or do you need support in your discomfort? Do you need community in your discomfort? What is that? Because you can't just shut down. Especially for those of us who are parents, you can't just shut down and shut it off. That's not courageous. That's not thinking bigger. That's not being expansive, right? So... You know, bringing this all sort of back to some neat little box, which I'm not necessarily known for. It's about storytelling. It's about becoming. It's about challenging assumptions and limiting beliefs. It's about learning from people, maybe perhaps that we would never seek out, but who offer perspective that is necessary and needed. It's also about, you know, traveling toward your best self, your highest purpose. Sometimes I realize that I'm able to see myself more clearly because I'm engaging with other people who see themselves more clearly, right? Kind of like this idea that you are who you hang out with, right? Or you only go as high as your five closest friends, something like that. Again, another quote, have no idea who said it, but it read, resonates with me. What you listen to, what information you take in, the stories of those around you, how other people perceive themselves, talk about themselves, hype themselves up, how people move through discomfort, how people move through setbacks, how people pivot, how people figure out their version of success and then walk towards that. It makes you better because it, it, It presupposes that if they can do it, you can do it in your own way. And what's great about podcasts is that you just, you can pick up little nuggets. Oh, she said that. Oh, I'm going to try that. I'm going to see if that works for me. I'm going to see if that works for my family or, oh, I'm going to pass that piece of advice off to my sister, my cousin, my friend, my husband. That might be helpful for them where they are in that journey. And so this idea of further forward is just taking one step at a time. Just taking the next right step. Just, you know, it's point one on the treadmill. It's not always leaps and bounds. It's one boundary honored. It's one new habit that you've held on to. It's one thing. It's one moment. It's interrupting one negative thought, right? Because there's this idea... Like, I couldn't even begin to think about the origins of this because it comes from so many different places. And I think with, like... In some ways, with good intentions. In other ways, it's just, like, capitalist bullshit. But... This idea that things come fast and easy. Here's another quote for you that I love. It takes 10 years to become an overnight success. People will have you thinking, you know, like you can Amazon Prime your way to your best life, right? It's not true. It's not true. There's no three easy steps to anything. There's no, you're not getting six pack abs in just 10 minutes a day. It doesn't exist. It's in the grind. It's in the monotony. It's in the, when you're not motivated and you're not inspired and you don't feel like you have everything you needed, all the conditions aren't perfect. It's It's when you show up again and again and again and when you're, you know, crying in the shower and you still show up or you've just gotten into a fight with your spouse and you still show up or things are crumbling in the world but you have to wake up and keep going. Like, it's that. That's how we get to wherever it is we want to go, right? We get there by moving further forward. That has certainly been true for me. This podcast, I will tell you, and I make it emotional and that has been, it's story in and of itself because I'm like, oh, I don't want anyone to see me cry. I just, it's like a whole thing. I'm working on it. So the long and the short of it is that my father died when I was 21. He was a professional boxer and a mailman at the same time. Incredible, incredible human being and incredibly... disciplined and hardworking and driven and also insane. And, you know, we'll talk through the things, right? But for the purposes of now, you need to know that this human being was the epitome of strength. Certainly to me. To become a professional boxer is a thing in and of itself. to be a professional athlete and also have a family and a full-time job is another level i'm not saying i recommend it if you know anything about professional athletes certain certain athletes certain olympians they do have full-time jobs right not every not every athletic pursuit even at the professional level, provides the kind of salary that a football player or a basketball player might have, right? Not everyone makes millions of dollars. So like, it's not a matter of, oh, that's this or that's that, doesn't matter, right? It's a lot, it's a lot to hold. And so as you maybe can imagine, I believe this man to be indestructible, truly indestructible. And so when he got into a motorcycle accident and then died from complications due to that accident, my, my, obviously life changed and it was horrible and all of those things, but my sense of my own mortality was, That was, that's the thing that, that still to this day, like that's what stays with me. The grief is always there. Of course I miss my dad. Of course, you know, since I was so young when he died, of course he missed so many milestones that I wish he could have seen. But knowing that not only is tomorrow not promised, but beyond that, because it's, but you hear that so often that it loses meaning. Beyond that, this idea that you are not promised old age. You're not promised retirement. You're not promised time with your children, your grandchildren, your spouse. You're not promised getting to one day do the thing that you dreamed about doing. You're not promised it. You might get it. You might not. There is now. There's now. And even knowing that, even with all that information, all of those visceral feelings, I feel like I've had to battle my fear through every single accomplishment I have been able to achieve since that moment. Anything before then that felt courageous for me were just sort of like normal nerves and normal apprehension and normal, can I do this, can I not do this, or whatever. After his death, it felt so urgent that I live that I think I may have freaked myself out. I think I may have put too much pressure on myself. I think I may have been so obsessed with... Not even I think I may have. I know this. I know for a fact. I was so obsessed with... getting it right so that I wouldn't waste time, that I ended up stalling out a lot more than I wish I had. Because in the back of my mind, there kept being this loop of, what if you die young? What if you don't make it? And it just... It almost served a counter purpose. And so this podcast, when I say that this has been a year and a half in the making and that I've had to really be courageous and I've had to say, Ashley, you know, like you're not going to get more prepared or more this or more that. You just got to go. You just got to do it. So here we are. We're doing this podcast and we have my dad to thank in some ways. And we also, you know, just... We have each other to thank, I think. Because for me, it's through watching other people, and in particular, other mothers. And that's not to alienate anyone who chooses to be child-free or anyone who's not in this acute phase of parenting that I'm in at four years old, right? I think it's different parenting a four-year-old than a 30-year-old. hard and in its own way right um but you know i also i i think that when you are mothering and when your time and your energy and your body are taxed the way i've felt taxed for the past four years plus pregnancy It does change how I view community. It does change how I view how other mothers are moving through the world and how they're able to manage all of these moving pieces. And all of the disappointment when you just don't get the time or you don't have the energy or things that you really want to do that you have to say no to or all of the things that just sort of fall apart without your permission. So I need to thank my dad, but I need to thank all of us because we all sort of knowingly or unknowingly motivate each other and keep each other going. At least that's true for me. And I know if it's true for me, it's true for other people because I'm special, but I'm not that special, right? Our experiences, they're human experiences for a reason. They're not like these singular solo, no one else is feeling how I'm feeling ever. That's right. So I guess that is the thing. That is what I most want you to know today. I also want to just quickly hit this idea of, or go back to rather, because I just touched on it, this idea of speed. and success. Because as a millennial, I grew up with no internet. Remember that? Remember house phones and phone books? And you know, remember like TVs with antenna? Okay, like, I am young, and I look even younger than I am. But like, that was my childhood. Okay.

UNKNOWN: 23:49

And

SPEAKER_00: 23:49

I mean, I just, I remember even the excitement of owning a compact disc and having a stereo to play it in. My God, you mean I could listen to my favorite song over and over again? My first CD was Grease, by the way, the soundtrack to the movie Grease. Because before then, I would have to just listen to the radio and hope and pray that the song I love would come on while I was listening in that one moment. Ah, the stress of it all. So, you know, it was so much simpler in so many ways. If I wanted to know something, I had to go to a dictionary or an encyclopedia or ask to be driven to the library, okay? There was no other way to get... You weren't getting information in two seconds. And because my dad was who he was... and worked so hard he wouldn't give me the answers ever even if he knew he would say go look it up I now know that that's actually great parenting but then I was like well this man is mean if you already know the answer just tell me So, you know, even when AOL chat rooms became a thing and there started to be some internet and I remember like Yahoo and whatever, even when those things started to form, I didn't sit in front of the computer for long stretches of time. It just was so not a part of my life that it was only fun for like a short span for me, right? I was reading books. I was outside. I was playing. I was playing sports. I was Just doing other things. The things that we call IRL things. I was in real life. I was living life. And kids today, unfortunately, most of them don't have that kind of life. That kind of simplicity. But the point is that I remember... being driven and also just like focused and rattled by other people just enough, right? Because we are taught to you know sort of like hate or fear or um complain about or what like there's a lot of stuff around comparison right but comparison isn't all bad it can be bad it can be toxic it can make you want to crawl into a hole but it can also teach you something about yourself and teach you something about the world and it can give you tools and information it's like i for me it's like a matter of like well who am i comparing myself to and is that the right person and why and and then if i'm going to go there then what am i extracting what am i pulling that's going to get me to where i need to go right and so i would say during this like pre-social media or like pre big online time right shopping and i think that my comparison And my comfort with my journey was pretty healthy. There were people, I mean, even as a competitive athlete, there were people I was competing against. I wanted great grades. I wanted to do well at things. I, you know, like, but it was all healthy striving, right? And then once I started getting on social media, this was in college for me, once things started to speed up and become more technologically driven and more phone-based, things really changed. Okay? Things really changed for me. They probably changed for you too. Once you started to get a window into other people's lives, I really started to question my journey. I started to question my journey. I started to question my pace. I started to question my body. I started to question if my definition of success was the right one. I started to question everything. And some things needed to be questioned, but not everything. And not to that level. And I didn't need to know people's business the way I knew it. And I didn't need to know people's opinions the way I knew them. It was just... An overload of information and influx and overstimulation that quite frankly has been going on at varying degrees, increasingly, but varying degrees for what, the past 20 years? So I also think about... What do we do about that? I'll frame it in that way, right? Like, what do we do? I don't have some big answer, but I do know that like one of the ways to combat that do i want to call it negativity that negativity that feeling of scarcity that feeling of lack that feeling of being behind that feeling of maybe not being good enough maybe imposter syndrome maybe anxiety about the future maybe conflicting beliefs conflicting narratives that you feel inside I know that it's this. I know that it's in community. I know that it's in conversation. I know that it's in connection. I can't slow the world down. But I could take this moment, if you'll give me your time, to help maybe reframe or to find respite, or to again, at the very minimum, just reinforce this idea that you are not alone. As the world we know continues to collapse, and I'm using that word intentionally, as our systems Many of our helpful systems, many of our human-centered systems continue to be intentionally dismantled as we watch ourselves or people we know or just other humans in general lose freedoms and protections under the law as well as services. We are going to need to figure out what a rebirth, rebrand, rebuild looks like. And I believe that a part of that is... taking small consistent steps to be whole to seek wholeness to seek healing to seek community literally to be with people to be a part of other people's stories and their humanity And I think it's going to be really important that you not wait. Okay? Chase your dreams. Choose your fighter. Set your goals and wrap them up in your core values. But the time is now. Okay? I'm going. This is episode one. I'm going and I'm asking you to come with me. And all we have to do is take one step at a time. One step at a time. I'll see you in two weeks. This is further forward. We got this.