Kindly Unfiltered Podcast
Welcome to Kindly Unfiltered. A safe space for every story, an Outlet for every Dilemma. Season 2 Out April 16th and Every Thursday 12pm EST
Kindly Unfiltered Podcast
Identities, Pronouns & Sexuality W/Izaiah Dockery - Kindly Unfiltered Podcast
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
We talk love, dating, sexuality, culture, healing, and the things society pretends not to hear.
If it’s real, honest, and a little uncomfortable.. it belongs here.
Connect With Us
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/kindlyunfilteredpod?igsh=MThwN2FkYXlybmtqdg==
Tiktok - https://www.tiktok.com/@mintslatemedia?_t=ZS-90ZmQFZyRyi&_r=1
Support us if you can! Thank you!
I'm attracted to femininity. Uh but that's the thing that I'm realizing. I'm like, I'm attracted to femininity. So I don't think I can do like a very macho like. But can you do me though?
SPEAKER_01If they're not stop saying what if I can say what if you don't know. I you don't know. I would try to head.
SPEAKER_03We will try. We will stay talking. Who are we gonna say?
SPEAKER_00Hello guys, welcome back to a brand new, beautiful, interesting episode. Um, I'm still your very, you know, beautiful, exciting host, Shay, and the other beautiful gentleman, Wilson. We're gonna be talking about identity. And to help us talk about this topic, we have on the couch the amazing, the most beautiful, the energetic, one of my own good friends, Isaiah. Hello. Who is fortunately also a creative producer on this project. Love it. How are you doing? I mean, it's nice to be in front of the camera instead of behind it. Maybe I can actually back.
SPEAKER_02Finally. Maybe it'll be a faster.
SPEAKER_00You will finally feel when you're on the seats because you would not be able to shut up when you're talking shit off.
SPEAKER_02Honestly, with you. At the chat tab.
SPEAKER_00They'll chat a lot. Yes. How are you doing? Doing okay, you know. How do you think we're doing on the season? Oh, this season? Yeah. Fantastic. Phenomenal. General ready. Done already? Denner ready for what's coming.
SPEAKER_02You don't know what's coming today. High-sided personalities on that we have the things that are. It's you're gonna be like reeled in. Yeah. Eyes glued. Amazing.
SPEAKER_00So um um I say uh we are talking about identity. And I when I when we came up with this topic, and I knew exactly who I wanted to have like this conversation because we've had like several conversations about identity. Like so, I just wanted to like can you tell us, focus through how you found yourself, what that meant to you.
SPEAKER_02How did I find myself? Let's say I found myself as opposed to I revealed myself, if that makes sense. Because I always was, but it's I I had a mask on that wasn't even that I didn't put on myself, but that the world gave to me. Yeah, you know? Um, so it was really about as I was learning to get closer to who I was and become more comfortable with who I am, I started peeling that mask back. And I feel like when I finally peeled it back, it was like, oh, this is who I am without the world putting a label on me. You know what I mean? So yeah, it's definitely less about finding and more so peeling back the layers to reveal myself. Right.
SPEAKER_00So after like the revelation of yourself, like how was you know the relationship with your family and explaining to them like, oh, this is Isaiah. I'm not the person you think I am.
SPEAKER_02Sorama. Okay. Um so honestly, it's it's funny. Okay, so I first came out as um a stud, actually, so a masculine woman. Yeah. And when I told my mom she cried. Oh, you came out twice. God, dude. Uh twice. So actually, so I kept mentioning girlfriend, and I thought she knew because she was very happy for me to be having this girlfriend, right? And then she was like a girl that's a friend. She realized we want to date. She thought it was a girlfriend. Like a girl that's a friend. Yeah, like I'm like, Wow. So the one time I was like, Mom, I used to say when I say girlfriend, I mean like girlfriend. Like girlfriend, exactly, intimacy. Um, so she broke down instantly in that moment in the car. And then I had to tell her, okay, well, maybe I'm bisexual.
SPEAKER_00Just as makeup, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Okay, that's manageable. We could negotiate. Yeah, we could negotiate. Yeah. Oh my goodness, it would change. It would change.
SPEAKER_02Okay, take this in. I want to say a week later, the end of the week. So I'm in high school now. I come back from high school, and all I hear, I walk in. My dad is a pastor. Let me just start with that. My father is a pastor. Why? I can relate. Okay. I walk in and all he says is in his most serious voice, one that I haven't heard in years.
SPEAKER_00Like, mother, I'll why did you say anything to this man? I trusted her. Where are you from though? Jamaica. You couldn't tell? No, he doesn't have the accents now. No, no, no, no. The mannerisms. But tell me about Jamaica. He's not aggressive. Tell me about Jamaican. Like that is insane. Jamaicans, yeah. I'm not aggressive. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_02I'm not aggressive.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. Jamaicans, and you said it's not aggressive. Are Jamaicans known to be aggressive? Actually, yes. You would feel it in the room.
SPEAKER_02You ever notice that when you see somebody speaking in a Jamaican accent on the internet, there was somebody sneaking? Yeah, it's like I remember my passion. So the person passionate, but never heard bumbook clock from him. So my partner, the one you called out and said to uh watch out for Jamaicans. That was uncalled for.
SPEAKER_00Danielle, I'm sorry. This is a sweet man. Thank you. You could last long with him. No, you could last long with him. Let's give it tentatively. Tentatively.
SPEAKER_02Okay, but anyways, her, I remember she was like, talk to me in a Jamaican accent. So I did, I speak to her on Patua. And she was like, actually, I don't like when you do that. Because why do you always talk rough? And I'm like, I don't know how to say speak in Patua in any other way. Yeah. She's like, Can you say anything loving? I'm like, I've never heard that. I've never heard that. That's heavy. That's what I was saying. Yeah. So yes, I would agree. There's an aggressiveness to it. But I only do it when I'm joking. Well, it's really still.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02But I can't, but to be fair, like growing up, my parents, they tried to speak like instilling me speak properly, right? And the only time I'd really hear the pathways come out is when they were angry.
unknownOh.
SPEAKER_02That it comes out. That's what it is. I don't know what's your best. Exactly. Or joking around with friends, but even joking around with friends and like uh it's still not not loving. You know what I mean? So I just I never really learned that. But anyways, okay, so back to my dad, Jamaican pastor. Yeah. Pastor. So I come in, he's angry.
SPEAKER_00Well, he's not a down low.
SPEAKER_02Sits me down, tells me.
SPEAKER_00A down low. That's the ideal bitch. Yeah. You didn't have to spell it out.
SPEAKER_02I'm a disgrace to God. Oh. So I just start to relax. Jamaican password pastor, and he tells me that I need to leave by the time I'm 18, which was in a few months. Like you have to leave the house? Yes, I'm like, I bet. And when you were 18? Yes, of course I did. I left before then because he also just made the living. Nobody wants to live in a household. That kind of energy, you're being treated like that. And there's like a time on you. Exactly. It's like you're just waiting for me to leave. I didn't know if he could have kicked. He only said 18 because legally he's like, I know I can't. Of course. You know what I mean? But also my dad's whack. He found a reason to kick all of his kids out before the age of 18. So he was just waiting for my reason, low-key, and he was happy when he found like shit type shit. Why? Why? Because remember what you were saying about Jamaican men earlier?
SPEAKER_00Wait, wait. Do you have a close relationship with your dad?
SPEAKER_02I mean, I see him. He's around. So basically, um we see each other. We see each other. We don't love each other. Oh. I mean, okay, okay. Honestly, that's a complicated story, but I will just highlight basically say he stays with my siblings, my older siblings. There's like a big age gap between us, 15 years old.
SPEAKER_00Who was he? Um the person we shot in the house.
SPEAKER_02Desiree. Desiree. He doesn't live there.
SPEAKER_00No, so by the way, Desiree, your house is beautiful. Thank you so much for meeting us shit. Yeah, remember? Wait, no, did you see it? Oh, good boy, her. Did you see it? Oh my god. All the rumors were cheap. It's nice. Yeah, she's just in the film. It's it's good.
SPEAKER_02Maybe one day you can come over to the barbecue.
SPEAKER_00I want to talk about it. And Desiree is a fun time girl. No, I met her at your birthday. She loved gossip? Oh, yeah, you do. Does she love to gossip? No, she is just vibe. Especially for James. And I remember when I came to your party because I was so scared of the dog. And she just tried to keep she kept on coming to me. Are you okay? Do I need to get out of the life? She kept on pushing the dog away from me.
SPEAKER_02I'm telling you, it was so funny because the dog only kept coming to you because you were scared. And she was like, What's wrong with you? Are you okay? Yeah. She was worried about him.
SPEAKER_00And then Desire was also telling me about it. Did you jump up on the table at some point or something? Yeah, I did. Desire was telling me, Oh, you have a very good arm. That is why the dog keeps coming to you. Yeah. And that's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. The dog was big.
SPEAKER_02Ridiculous. No, because I have a trauma. I told you I was paying when I was young. Yes, yes, yes. I get it. I get it. But you know, you need to start. So my dogs, when you come to my house, the Yorkie shits is you're gonna start there and make your way out. That's the problem. Okay, well, we will get there. But anyway, so like my dad, he ended up, he lives over there now. So um to the east end, east, east of Toronto. Right. Um, so I stopped seeing him around. I think he moved there. That's a whole other story. Because he technically, I ended up going back at some point and he moved out of the house and left me there at some point and was like, I need rent. I was like insane. Jesus died. Huh? I was now 18. Wow. Yes, because I ended up going back. And that's another story why went back, but we don't have time for that today. Okay, but anyways, um, so my relationship with him, he just basically stopped talking to me from that from he moved out of the house. I mean, he didn't even tell me he was moving out. Like he was like, I'm going to Jamaica. I'm like, I bet. He's like, I'm going for two months. I'm like, okay, cool. Like, you know, I'll see you when you come back. Yo, two months gone. Two months, two weeks. Hey dad, where are you at? I'm in Ajax. Oh, okay. Um the house you oh the party. No, so my whole family just lives in Ajax. This was a different house at the time. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00I feel like I know all your families.
SPEAKER_02You, I mean, you met a good chunk of them. There's one sister you didn't meet, that's the sister you was with. Oh. Um, so he's like, I'm an Ajax. I'm like, great. Like, when are you coming back? He's like, Oh, I'm not. I'm like, that's okay. Okay. Type shit. Oh, so you're currently leaving the house? No, I don't live there anymore. That was because that was when I was 18, yeah. Now I went, I've lived many different places since then, exactly. Um, but that was kind of like how our relationship fully separated. Like it was since then. So now we don't really talk. I see him at like family dinners because he's still with that side of the family. But I I'm not, we don't I see that. How about you? We don't talk about Bruno. We don't talk about Bruno, exactly. Well, how about your mom? My mom was better. She actually took my transition really well. Okay. But I think it's because she didn't take it seriously, right? It's one of those where she was like, I told her and she's like, okay. Well, are you guys like cordial? Like we were really good because there was a point where she actually started to get when I started passing, passing, quote unquote, um, then she started like being like, okay, I see you and getting with it. Um, but then so the reason why me and my mom currently don't talk, but that's not because of gender-related issues. Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00Like, just because of just because you know, parents be parents sometimes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're not perfect, but unfortunately, like exactly, right?
SPEAKER_00So I know that.
SPEAKER_02But honestly, like I love her and I wish her the best.
SPEAKER_00And you know what? Um, I think I relate to you so much. Yeah. I and this is one thing that you keep telling a lot of queer people. Families will live their lives. It is time for you to leave. To live your own life. Exactly. Because they don't give they don't give two flying fucks about you. They only care about what the public say about them.
SPEAKER_02They wouldn't care about what you can do for them. Yes, when you can give something to them when you're useful, then they will come around.
SPEAKER_00And then no, no, no, they will love you in secrets. They'll be so proud of you. No, no, they will love you in secret. Okay, but not. No, don't love. I mean, not even about that. But love me in secret. No, don't love you. They will love you openly. No, no, because not matters.
SPEAKER_02If anything, I can actually say to you guys are both right, because it depends, but I feel like it's all circumstantial. Right. Exactly, right? Like if it if it looks good to love you publicly at the moment, most definitely. No, but at the same time. Not when you look like this. That's why I'm saying if here something's good to break that hair. So it doesn't look good for your parents. But they probably pray for you. And that's their version of love. That's their version of love.
SPEAKER_00I pray for them too.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, why?
SPEAKER_00That you find healing. You need the prayer. You need the prayer, then I do. Uh, because my mom and my dad still prays, oh my god, heal my son. You are the one that is sick here. Um tell it. Moving on. So I just keep telling like a lot of queer people like life is gonna be so easier for you. You don't know how much life is on the other side of the line when you put it like when you cross it. There's so much ideology that's been sold to like African parents. That's really true, religion. They've been made to fear what queerness is, and they don't know the joy that it actually is in queerness. I see a lot of mother and son relationship. I there's this um um um TikTok that I follow so well because of the relationship between himself and his mom. The mom just loves a child. She just loves that's her child. Yeah, she just loves a child. And when the boy was um I don't want to cry. When the boy was talking about um his coming out story to his mom, he said his mom said, Okay, so what am I supposed to do? Um, um accepts you or what I I it was my duty since I conceived you love you. I that video fuck me. This was in this video was in 2019. As back as that. Yeah. But do you think like coming out is necessary? I don't think so. That's why I didn't do it. I was outed every at every step of the way from the city. Yeah, because I don't need to. I was having this particular um talk with somebody, I'm like, just look at the heterosexuals. I mean, they don't have to come out, like it's just like as we are talking about white privilege, that's also like the heterosexual. Exactly. So that's it. So why do you have to come and say, oh, I'm this, or have to celebrate every year? Yeah, label this out. Do you understand? But I mean, you have to celebrate it.
SPEAKER_02I was gonna say it as because it's also reclaiming it as a few. Yeah, because some parents would love it if you didn't say anything, and you didn't come out. Exactly. They wouldn't they'd accept you perfectly fine if you stay quiet about it. Exactly. So there's also power in being like, This is who I am, and I'm gonna be out loud about it.
SPEAKER_00But do you think labels help people feel seen? Labels help people feel. I think it depends on the person.
SPEAKER_02Well, box thin, yeah. I think I I personally think that labels are boxing. You know what I mean? I I don't love putting a bunch of labels on myself. People are very confused about what I am all the time. That's okay. That's for you to be confused. That's for me to know. But I can also see how it empowers other people because it gives oh, it's almost like when you know when you are feeling a feeling and then it gets diagnosed as like anxiety or depression or something. It helps you understand, like, oh, this is why I am. Yeah, you know what I mean. It gives perspective.
SPEAKER_00Exactly, 100%. Yeah, I actually agree. Because I there was a time that I was asking someone, let me give you a T. Because when I was interviewing people for like as the editor role for like the film, when I need to let go of Chris, I was um Oh my god, you let go of Chris. Bitch, shut up. You knew Chris I still love this. Not for the cameras. He said, Oh, oh, you let go Chris, it wasn't me. So I interviewed this person and then they went, oh, um, they they like introduced themselves and we were talking, oh, when are you ready to edit? Do you what do you think you can bring to the table? They just kept on saying, Oh, um, uh so they said they live in the US. They said, Oh, cool. Um, how do we make this work? If you're gonna edit for me, I live in Canada. And then it was like, and they were like, oh, sure. We are gonna carry our laptop now. We're gonna do this, we're gonna I'm like, oh do you work with a company people? Is that no? I meant we as an us. Why the us? I was confused. I I was like, okay, sorry, question before I go ahead. Can I know your um your um your pronouns? Yeah. And they go, I'm Z Zen. I'm like, what is that?
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00Zem Zer. Z Zen Zer. I know I know a person that so they don't refer to them as high, they refer to themselves as we. So I was Oh, I didn't know about that with those pronouns. Yeah. I think that very supposed to be customers or not, they them. No, no, no, no, no. That's non-binary is different from like so we.
SPEAKER_02Well, even Z Zem Z, like that could be non-binary as well. It's still under the non-binary. Yeah, but it's and different people take different meanings to it. So uh So that's why they just don't identify with they, them, he, him, her.
SPEAKER_00So I I was confused. Like, do you I now my question, not in a derogatory way, like, are we taking it too far with your pronouns?
SPEAKER_02I use the zizzer. Because I do think so at some point people are doing too much. But this is where I say people are doing too much. If you were trying to force other people to do so, my so for example, I know somebody that identifies, like, uses the pronouns zizemzer, but they will say you my pronouns are zizemr, or if you can't get that, you can just call me by my name. 100%. If you're trying to force somebody to understand how to learn something new, people aren't even getting they them.
SPEAKER_00Because I don't know, I actually respect that.
SPEAKER_02You know what I mean? So it's like, I like there's some things where it's like you gotta go into this, of course, knowing it's difficult, but we aren't there yet. We are barely like they them is still barely accepted. Yeah, like you have to understand very confusing. Yes, exactly. So even this, that's another layer where people are like, what? You know what I mean? The confusion? I get it. I I, as a gender diverse person, will try to pick it up, but I don't think you could expect most people to do that. So, like saying something alternative, like, yeah, just call me by my name. I even say that.
SPEAKER_00Like it's if you but the the problem with this um person was that they have four names with iPhone, so you call the names together. So I was like, I yo, my I don't even know what I will refer to you as well. You say pick it up, but I'm actually just hearing of that like today, though. No, like I was no, you need to see my face. Crap. Never I was interviewing. I thought it stopped out of the way.
SPEAKER_02And imagine losing. That's a controversial question now. So did you not hire them because of this? To be honest. I'm gonna be honest.
SPEAKER_00No, first of all, I I to be honest, I didn't hire them because they're in the US. Okay, okay. The file is too huge for us to like get a subscription for us. Yeah, okay, okay. And then also there was that part. I'm not gonna lie to you because I don't want to misgender anyone. I don't want to get into because we we will be talking about I don't want to refer to you and you go, we, and I miss like. But here's the thing too, right?
SPEAKER_02Like people, like I think, especially with cis people, is y'all get way too hung up on misgendering. Yeah. Honestly, for like trans people, like it's really just you fucked up. Just be like, my bad, correct it, and then move to New York. Oh no, no, no, that's you. That's mostly Alex No, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_00Because to be honest, I'm not gonna write it. For every trans person, most definitely not doing that either. Oh no, I would I would use someone as an example. Yeah. Um, um, Liendo, raise up. I want to use Lien as an example. Um there was a day when we're still in film school, there was this person in school, and then Liendo, because it's from the Bahamas, it's not something they're used to. So it was getting used to. It wasn't like, oh, it was starting to be transphobic. Yeah, yeah. So Leando sometimes makes mistakes unconsciously, and then this person got mad and almost like wasn't talking to Leando at some point. True. Can I ask more? Let me ask more context.
SPEAKER_02Was it like the first time it's the first time? Was the first time it's gendering, and then like but then you have to realize, right? Like, there's also this demographic of trans people that I don't necessarily claim, okay, 100%. No, and I think that's valid too. There's there's there's but this is with any sort of category of people, there's always the more sensitive and kind of more like they was this can I ask the race of this person? I cannot disclose. Okay, fine. Anyways, there are there's gonna be sensitive people within anything, right? Like, there's even some black people where they think everything is racism, and I'm like, a lot of it is, but I was like, honestly, that that wasn't your reaching a little bit. That probably isn't racism, they just don't like you. You know what I mean? So, like, with this, I think you just happen like you're gonna run into those people that are like, and stay away from the hi. It's not that like I think that all trans people are doing too much, you just think like you're all doing too much, but hi, this person, I personally think you're doing too much, I'm gonna stay away from you. But don't like I'm telling you, most trans people don't mind, just simply shit, my just my just correct yourself exactly, and then let's move on. Actually, there's this great training from the Spindle Films Foundation. They have a gender diverse training, it's for filmmakers specifically. It's probably the most entertaining training I've ever taken where it's like, I actually enjoy taking this, and that's even me knowing all this stuff already. Right. It's only like a 12-minute thing, and like it really shows you, it breaks it down to you, and even in that training, it says, don't make it a big deal. That's one of the mistakes that people make. You're yeah, you're drawing attention to it, that's making everybody feel uncomfortable. Just correct and move on.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I honestly, if I'm being honest, I genuinely think what that person felt was valid because especially for some, for like trans people that have lived in the closet for a while, and then you're now trying to affirm yourself, you're trying to, you know, reveal yourself to the world, and then some people are not seeing it. So it would upset. I think that is not necessarily on the person, it's more personal.
SPEAKER_02It also depends exactly like what you're saying, like where they are in their transition. Exactly. The therm you were in their transition, they're getting misgendered all the time. Like it could be one of those things where they're gonna get them.
SPEAKER_00Like maybe this is the third person in this class that's done this. You fucking get my my pronouns right in the city. Type shit. Do you get what I mean? Yeah, and that's what I'm saying. I'm not also like putting it on them. It's very valid crash out. Do you get what I mean? Yeah. So it's all circumstantial at the end of the day. Exactly. That's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_02Like, don't say like you can't be like most trans people react this way. Exactly. It's all circumstantial. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00It's just the way you phrased it. So stop right. Yeah, I I also wanted to know, like, who is Isaiah away from like everyone? Who am I away from everyone? Well, is your identity away from everyone? Away from everybody. I mean like when I'm at home alone in my bed? No, like if are there part of your identity that you're still exploring? Is there other parts of my identity that I'm still exploring?
SPEAKER_02I'd say the most recent part of my identity that I still am still exploring is my sexuality. I think. What do you mean you think so? I think so.
SPEAKER_00Why do you think that's a good one? Tell me more. So this afternoon. Why do you think so? This afternoon, I was asking, I was, oh, someone was like, I think he was, who was saying, oh, Isaiah is fine. It was me. I'm like, that's a straight man. Yeah, it was here. Yeah, it was me. I was like, that is actually me. I think it was here. Yes. Yes, I was like, that is a straight man. I say I was like, no, I'm queer. I'm like, okay, yeah, I hear that. I didn't say I was queer. I said it. Oh, yes, I did.
SPEAKER_02I said. Yes, I did. I said I'm queer. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, so you do do man. Well, see, that's the part that I'm surprised about. I I am more so attract, I'm attracted to, I've always been attracted to women. I'm attracted to femininity.
SPEAKER_00Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02But that's the thing that I'm realizing. I'm like, I'm attracted to femininity. So I don't think I could do like a very macho, like. But can you give me though?
SPEAKER_01Eh? Yeah. Not dead now. I'm dead now. I'm doing out an idiot.
SPEAKER_02But so to me, I think that the where I've gotten to is I'm like, I'm just going to accept that my everything is fluid, and like, even so right now, I'm like, I like femininity. But maybe like 20 years from now, I'm like, huh, you know, masculinity is not. Yeah. I don't know. So I'm just, I'm at the point where I'm just like, I am a fluid being, and that's why I say queer. There's no way, it's just whatever I am at that moment. And that's what I said to you. I said I'm queer, I just like what I like.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I love it. I actually love this your answer because a lot of time people just um label you with one thing and expect you to be in that sense for a longest time.
SPEAKER_02Like for long as hell, and experiences don't change and happy. I remember I mean, those like you.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I told you I had sex with two women. And you're telling me, so clock yourself. I never had I'm a great star. Whatever. I'm saying for me.
SPEAKER_02Let's get free. Great star, by the way.
SPEAKER_00So you see, you can you can change. No, I see that being. I see that being. I'm like, oh my god, what is this? Oh, get it away from it. No, like I'm just one, that's rude. No, I love queen men. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. Pum pum I see. Ah, isn't it to you? Coming from me. Coming from a straight manner. No, no, come in for your queen. This is a straight man. Look at it away from me. I see like this in my ew.
SPEAKER_02What's the last say you?
SPEAKER_00Oh no. I came out from the next evil. I came out from the next one. And like, I came out from that. That's all I see. I don't see anything. No imagination comes from my hands. But when you see something pink, long and hard, oh Jesus Christ. You see the thing. Long and hard.
SPEAKER_02Because if you fell in, say you fell out, say you met, say you met a man, right? And you fell in love with him, and you you loved every bit of him, and then he came out to you and he said, By the way, I'm trans and I don't have a bottom surgery. I don't have bottom surgery. Yeah, I don't mind it. Okay, so it depends on the person that's attached to you. So that's it because that's a straight man. So then it's more about the person that's attached to. So you can't just say man, right? So you can't just say genitalia in general is gross because Oh, I see. I'm fine with it.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so basically when I see boobs, there we go. I'll take that. Boobs and this thing are attached together. No, take it. Yes. Agree it is. But no, I ooh, transome. Oh, there's this there. There's this. Oh, there was a day. By the way, there was a day I saw this um this um this picture of Isaiah on the story. I'm like, mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_01What do you remember?
SPEAKER_00When I saw this when I saw Isaiah on the premium, I'm like, uh-uh. Who's this name? Who's this mother is intervening? I saw that's what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. You must clasp. Some mouse.
SPEAKER_00No, but you you find it. What a man, what a man, what a man, what a minute. If it tell me, oh I was okay, yeah, I give it to you. One thing my parents did is good.
SPEAKER_02You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, no, they not all of you, especially yourself and your sister, Desiree. Yeah. No, Desiree, again, shout out to you. You are gorgeous. Down. Yeah. I want to meet you, Desiree. No, no, you your energies will match. Oh, if it matches, Desiree, because I'm very, when I'm with people, I'm like, you know. But yeah, you can't. No, you, no, that is when Wilson comes out. That's when Wilson comes out. Bring her on this show. Yes. Bring her here.
SPEAKER_02Say less. Season three.
SPEAKER_00Desire, season three. Yeah, I think you pretty much answered my next question. I was gonna say, like, um, just um do people necessarily need to um hold on to an identity that is not theirs? But also, again, I'm also it's one of the not theirs. Yeah, no, yeah, yes. For example, if you're not straight, why are you trying to be straight?
SPEAKER_02Am I trying to be straight? No, you're giving an example. Okay, but yeah, you kinda okay. I mean, that's a whole other thing.
SPEAKER_00Why do you why do you think people like what do you think could they like they could do better to make their life easier?
SPEAKER_02I mean, come out for one. But like realistically, I would say like I have sympathy for somebody else. Because like I think somebody on the show said it as well, right? Um, some queer people have the uh privilege of not being queer presented. Right. Right? Um, but I think there's safety in that, right? Where it's like you can own yourself, but you're like, like, for example, like you said I dressed like a cis straight man. Yeah, you are cis straight. I didn't think so. I thought I dressed kind of nice.
SPEAKER_00No, you are like the template. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02That's insane. Leaving copy and paste. Like if you did not see- I every half of the things you've been wearing today, I'm like, I want that. So what does that say about the way you ask? Oh, he said you wanted my 90 inches balls down.
SPEAKER_00You said you wanted my 90 inches balls down, too.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay. But anyways, I'm I'd say like there's safety in it, but they do need to learn to like there's so some people they say they might be down low at their job because they there might be some reaper cut that you know, it could make a toxic work environment. They could lose their job, which is illegal. But you know what I mean? If you can't prove it, you have no lawsuit. So I think there are some people where they do it for safety reasons like that. Right. That I will I will give some situation. If we all just kind of like wear ourselves though, like we make more ground and make it so that people can't do things like that. So there is like power in not being DL, but for in certain situations, I can understand why it's a why somebody would do it. But I do think when it comes to just being that way around your family, around your friends, if you can't be your big gay self around your friends, those are not your friends. You know what I mean? If you can't be your gay self around your family, you need to probably distance yourself from your family. Like, you know what I mean? So it's also like like choosing yourself is also a way of like you're removing the people that aren't for you and making a space for the people that aren't for you. So there's a lot to the DL people out there, like consider making a change.
SPEAKER_00Also, um, I want to use this time to shed a light on um the things that have been going on in Nigeria for queer people. There is this thing called keto where people are um deceived, uh deceptively invited to their apartment to probably have sexual intercourse, and they use that medium to um rape them, beat them, extort them, and disgrace them. Recently, um, there have been a couple of things that have happened with about two guys. One of them was thrown all the way from like a three or four-story building and he died afterwards, and there's another guy that recently was, you know, ketoed and you know, dehumanized, fit in like over 10 people naked, disgraced. Um, and that's because the as much as we don't have a law that protects queer people that only criminalizes us, we need to also, we as people, we uh queer people are not doing anything to you, we are just existing. We don't want your money, we don't want to change you. We just want to be ourselves and maybe coexist with you. Um, and that is why um we need to um be better. So, yeah. Please, um, if you're a Nigerian, if you're seeing this, please take time out to learn about what it means to be queer. We are not trying to change your children, we are not trying to take your husband. I mean, they're in our DMs, but we are not trying to take them. So, yeah, I just wanted to take that time to shed the light on um the things that is going on in Nigeria for queer people. So, you guys sent us your dilemmas, of course. This person said, My fiance has been offered his dream job in London. Right. Something he has worked towards since the beginning of his career. And I truly want to support him. However, after growing up in an army family and constantly moving, I intentionally choose to settle in Toronto after college. Where I finally built stability, lasting friendship, and a sense of home that I'm not ready to give up. I'm also afraid a long-distance relationship because of my past experience where I was lied to and cheated on. And that trauma still affects me. He knows this and said he knows this and has said he won't take the job if I'm not comfortable. Oh love, compromise, I love it. Okay, which leave me I don't between protecting my emotional safety and fearing that he may be like a person he wants the levels of opportunity for my sake. Now what do I do? You should feel guilty. I would not because I have one choice. I would not feel good like you wouldn't feel guilty? No, like I would like to feel guilty for some for a choice you're you're asking me to make.
SPEAKER_02Okay, no, no, no. I'm saying she should feel guilty if like she's thinking about like, yeah, I want to do this and have it miss out on this opportunity.
SPEAKER_00Oh, or I would say she should feel like for my own. I think they're they've been married, they've been together for how long?
SPEAKER_01Did they say they've been together?
SPEAKER_00Um, you just no, it's just my fiance. Oh, fiance. Honestly, I was thinking it was marriage. Okay, why I she should feel guilty because you can ask her move. No, do you give me a move? No, but her life, like that's understandable. Like, I can't like as a military. As your family, you were constantly moving. You're constantly move.
SPEAKER_02She wants to feel settled down. That was probably something she said to her husband. She probably talked before her fiance, right? That's more than likely was discussed.
SPEAKER_00I mean, he said he has been working for this all his life. So, no, why would he even apply to a job? Because that's my red flag. Why would you even apply to a job when you're your your okay?
SPEAKER_02But do you know how hard it is to get a job right now, though? What if it's one of those things where it's like the oh he was applying for local he applied here in like in Toronto?
SPEAKER_00I couldn't get anything else. They actually said, okay, you're going to be in the world. Or that too. Yeah. Like, I just feel like is he actually applied to London, knowing fully well that your your girlfriend, your wife to be your fiance. To be honest, for me, I just feel like wash is holding on to you can actually like step you're saying stability, less than friendship. You can make that somewhere else. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, but this is the level where they want to start a family together. They don't have the children or anything yet.
SPEAKER_02When they move, they can have their kids there, they can go. Like I unless she's like 50, I think this is.
SPEAKER_00Because wash, no, watch is holding on he's getting, you know, and so when girls want to fight, just say, man, these yes. This is the fuck out of here. Let me say something. I I hear what you guys are saying, but at the same time, we should not forget the the background she gave us. She gave us perspective. She's from a militant family, they move a lot. And and for some, I I think I can relate to this because I remember growing up, I was not in one place. I really don't have so much friends, is because we move like I only stay like five years, four years, I moved. Because I my dad is a missionary. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. And then when I left my dad, I moved to my big mom, I moved to another place. My big mom, we moved from city to city in a like it's it's like that, and you don't have that stability. I told my partner, because he has like this dream of like doing his master's in the US, uh no masters, doing his doctorate in the US. I don't know what it is, like um I don't know, med school in the US. Or if he gets an offer somewhere else. I told you, I said, honestly, that'll be good for you. But for me, first of all, I'm not doing long distance again because we did long distance for like five years. And then and I said, first of all, I'm not doing long distance, second of all, I'm not moving. Right now, this is my base, especially for Canada. Um, there's a market I want to enter, and I'm you know, in the process of the city.
SPEAKER_02That makes sense because you're saying you're putting roots now.
SPEAKER_00She didn't mention anything, so I'm putting my roots now. No, no, no, no, I'm just giving you like again. So are you saying as she said, and a sense of home? So are you saying if you move to London, you'll have a sense of home with your husband? I don't think again, let me like give you my perspective so you see what I'm saying. But the one is that you want to break into the Canada market, which is very valid. You don't know, she probably did not want to disclose as much. You don't know what's gained.
SPEAKER_02But I feel like if it was very significant, she would have put it in a while.
SPEAKER_00She would put it in a lot of because she just says stability, lasting friendship. Stability, I think stability covers that as well. But she's not like what she's holding on to is I mean, I don't know. I'm guaranteed like even making a like male-centered. I'm not trying to talk about it. That's not the point. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_02Do you want to make relationships are about compromise? Exactly. So she, if she knew, hey, this is what I want to do. Which means she knew this.
SPEAKER_00Getting into a relationship with him, no, she's her compromising.
SPEAKER_02Why should it be him compromising? On his dream job. When she got what he wants to stay, she knows that he's been wanting this when they got together. You see, relationships are about compromise.
SPEAKER_00Why would he say you're exactly double standards to a T. The guy is saying that okay, he he won't take the job. And that's not saying um he's leaving her tongue. You know, she knows the answer because she that's the game. It's nobody, you know, because what he's holding on to is not important.
SPEAKER_02I want less stability. When he has a job where it's like this is what he wants forever, he's staying where he's getting home anywhere.
SPEAKER_00What if the next time he gets another job that is one of his dreams, they move again?
SPEAKER_02But it's not one of his dreams. Only if one he's saying he's been one of this whole thing. Yo, hardest to single-mindedly be like, I want this one thing to come back. Why if I exaggerate?
SPEAKER_00She thinks she's exaggerating, so then what if she's a children's exaggerating and making it look like it's a big deal when it's not even like it's not a good thing. But that's a lot of it's, ands, or what's. We're going with the facts of what she said. No, why? No, no, no. No, why I'm trying because he he said, okay, that he won't take the job if that's make her not comfortable. But and she's asking it's it's to leave her turning between like protecting her emotional safety and sacrifice, and and then him sacrificing once the letter opportunity for my sake. No, so I I think you guys let me land with my perspective. Let me say you're not gonna land. I was saying, so I was using myself as a as a case study. Like I said, I was scared. That is my intention of why that is not why. The reason why and I say I'm I'm staying, that's one of the reasons, but the major reason is because I moved my entire life. I don't have stability, I don't have uh permanent friends. Every time I move, things move, and when you move, everything moves with you. But the reason that's because already you're in Canada and then you're going to a market and already you feel like. No, that is not the major. Listen, I could move if I want to. Out of wherever I am, I'm gonna shine, and that's me, period. So I'm telling you, the reason why I'm not moving is because I just want to stay put. I'm tired of moving. I've moved my entire 29, nine, 29 years. I just want to know you're 29? I'm 29 February 6th. Oh. So I'm tired of moving.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I just want to stay put. You I think there's a lot of um, there's a lot of things you're losing out because you don't have perspective. You don't understand what it means to like keep moving. Yes, I do.
SPEAKER_02I have that exact same. I I moved my whole flicking life too. I think by the time I was how old? I I I moved in. I moved when I was a child, I was a baby, then we moved to a school. My parents had a school. That didn't work out, so then we moved downtown. That house got burnt down, so we moved uptown. So we moved to Burlington from one house to another house in Burlington within the same year, then to another school uptown. I was in the eighth grade, had to go to a new high school. I would be on my own side. And then when I moved out of high school, when I moved out of my parents' house, I went to so many, I moved so many places on my own. I would build a house.
SPEAKER_00No, whatever movies. No, I wouldn't have the same friends. I'm moving to different cities, I'm moving to different areas. But it's a different perspective when you have to move countries to countries.
SPEAKER_02Most definitely, but at the end of the day, what you're saying, what you're saying the result was was a result of not having the same friends, not having stability like that. That's that's so that is the same result. So that's the same result.
SPEAKER_00So as somebody else I can also relate, I'm saying I would I would definitely be on her on her if she said, Oh, the guy is not willing to, maybe he wants, okay, let's move. But then this guy's okay. I will not pick the job if you're not compatible with it. And then you'll see clocking yourself saying, Oh, you're turned between those decisions.
SPEAKER_02At the end of the day, it really comes down to this are you okay with resentment? Because if he's been saying that he's had his eye on this one wolf, from if he's been saying he's had his eye on this one wolf for his whole life and you are the reason why, yes, he will do it for you because he loves you right now, but you're not even married yet, you have a whole life together. And when he looks back and goes, I didn't get to that because of you, that's so if you're okay with the resentment, if you're okay with that shattering memory, but what she's holding on to is like very little to the team's job.
SPEAKER_00Don't give him advice, give her your advice. She needs help. No, I just thank you. No, no, no. What is if you make him lose that job, trust me, even if you may I'm of course now, you guys will still be in love with each other, but for how long? For how long? Oh my god, I because this is like a one I mean, to be honest, I'm not sure this is not like an everyday job you can just get. Because it says she even said it said sacrificing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Crazy in a lifetime opportunity. Well, I'm not sure. What if you're not a good one? What if it's viewers? What if people are like a huge offering? It's not PS Goting away. I would say break it off. And um but everybody go to your way. Well, honestly, that's not a bad answer as well. You guess to a point. Because everybody, everyone has a reason for staying and leaving. Yeah. You want to go grab a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I don't want to move again. So you break it up.
SPEAKER_02But at the same time, there is a chance that he'll be like, I don't want to break it off because I don't, it's not worth losing you. But at the same time, it's like that resentment could still build. This is a really hard situation.
SPEAKER_00She's also probably gonna resent him. But why? At the end of the day, she will get that stability. That's what you're saying.
SPEAKER_01He cannot get this opportunity again.
SPEAKER_00She I said if she's like 50, because MC said that as well. Wouldn't you specify a bus, right? We grow as human beings. Yeah, we're gonna be able to do it. But to be honest, wait, hold on. This is Toronto or London. This just had many hours strain. Two hours. You know, you say wait, London Ontario? Yeah, because it said I was thinking London, UK. No, London because it says she's oh I don't know. I think that's London. I think London. I don't think that would be the problem if it was London and UK. I don't think maybe it is. No, because she she can she can say but she said Toronto, she can say Canada after college. Like if she wants to mention two countries, but she said she choose to stay in Toronto. I want I want to believe it's London, Ontario. I want to believe if it was London, Ontario, then she's stupid. But if it's uh why okay, so now why do you say she's stupid? Because of it's yeah, it's the same thing. No, it's the same thing. She's still with her friends, still losing the yes. I think he's each to be in touch with your friends if you're internal and London, Ontario.
SPEAKER_02Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_00I think it is.
SPEAKER_02I live in Hamilton. This is Toronto. I have a hard time keeping in touch with my friends. It's 45 minutes away. That's a choice. It's not a choice, it's extremely hard. I'm an adult, different house. Jen, how many times have we hung out?
SPEAKER_00That's a choice.
SPEAKER_02Okay. I feel like you're busy for sure.
SPEAKER_00This thing is not, I mean, the guy can even move to London or what even if you're moving to the US or whatever. Um, but then you guys have to intentionally make it work. Like, I think this is completely UK. It's definitely UK. I personally think my final result, because you as much as you say, Oh, it's gonna resent her all his life, I think she's also ready to resent him. Especially if you're gonna be able to get a ground rule. Resentment is going to build. Because he knows that. That was why he presented that if you don't want me to take this job, I'm not gonna take it. That means this there was a ground rule in the beginning, like, listen, I'm here, I'm not leaving. And he probably said the same thing. But then there's an opportunity that comes that changes your mind and changes your words. So that means if I'm gonna have to like um overcompensate for that, meaning I would probably resent you.
SPEAKER_02So either way, if resentment is going to build the feeling system. And break it out. Break it out exactly. That's my own. Break it. Let everybody. But also just consider this. The resentment on his end will be because he will not be able to get this opportunity back. But you, depending on how old you are and where you're at in life, you could build stability. Say this is your last move. You are good, you were planted. I mean, you're not worth losing him for that. Think about that. That's what I'm saying. I also wanted you to know that.
SPEAKER_00That's my note. I also wanted to say that um as we grow as human beings, as we grow as people, we grow, and there's some things that dreams become bigger. You would that thing that you say, oh, there's a one-time in a lifetime, you know, once in a lifetime opportunity, you would get to that job, you would fate the job. And then when you not get there, you say, how I dream about this. And then you that jumped. What if that when you get to that point? So before we get to that point, how we carb it now.
SPEAKER_02But you can also say, what if something happens here and she ends up hating everybody that she knows now? What does she grow? She grows apart from all of her friends, she hits the area. Okay, so what I'm saying is that is circumstantial, regardless. What you're saying is there are variables with any situation. Yes, he can might not like his job, she might not like staying here. Regardless, there are variables in any situation. What are you going to do right now? Is the future break the show? Okay, yeah, like that.
SPEAKER_00Let everybody go their way.
SPEAKER_02Period.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01Don't consider.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Because I don't like the way you're trying to make the girl the the the the villain. Who said anybody? No. You're assuming that you're assuming did I say inconsiderate? Yeah. I was considering that I was saying that we're not. No, the TV said that she's holding on to the I mean, I'm I don't see a little feelings, but they're very small, like you can build and you can build one war to another war with your people. You can view and then you just say lasting friendship. No, like it moves. Let me say something. Moving as a person is different. Moving with a militant parent is different because you don't understand that experience, you don't understand the trauma. Moving
SPEAKER_02There's some military families where it's like he's just in the military, but he's not actually fighting nobody. What if they were fighting what if they're not? Stop saying what if? Doesn't it? It's like an officer, what if you don't know?
SPEAKER_01I you don't know.
SPEAKER_00Are we are we throwing hands? We can throw hands. Woo! This is like the way we even and in this issue, it's not it's not fair to the girl. Because I don't even know this. I cannot be. But she's never fair to him.
SPEAKER_02You are assuming that somebody's making her a villain. Yes. Nobody's doing that.
SPEAKER_01I'm not the thing that said that, but he's allowed to dispeak. Are you saying that she's a villain? No. Okay, let him clarify.
SPEAKER_02He's allowed to correct himself. He said he maybe he used to be responsible. But she's inconsiderate. I didn't ask him to speak for himself.
SPEAKER_00But she's a considerate, actually. No, no, no. I don't like the fact that you're making the girl, even the way you're responding to this thing, it sounds like the girl is the villain.
SPEAKER_02No, we're just simply delivering.
SPEAKER_00And there has to be any situation, Raspberry Wrong. She says she's turned between either sacrifices and she's allowed to because she's human. That is why you have the the the the um the the But it goes both ways. This is our letter of steam guys. It sucks for both ways. This is our letter of steam guys with the lesson of steam. Everybody's both you're leading to the game. It's okay to decide. What is the much okay to decide? We do have to come to a consensus. Of course, and that's fine. I think, I genuinely think my honest opinion. Um break up, yeah. That's honest opinion. Yeah. No, I'm so I have that final middle ground for all of us here. Like, let's break up. I would say stand your ground. If you still want a relationship, stand your ground. Tell him, yes, I don't want you to take the job. Period. Oh. Take some time to think. Don't take some time. Now, this is my advice. That's y'all can have your own take. My take, if you just.
SPEAKER_02You said you're speaking for all of us just now, haven't you? No, no, no.
SPEAKER_00No, no, I said middle ground for all of us is to say for them to break up. Oh boy, okay. Point it. Hey girl, listen to me. I would say, do not, if you don't want to break up, stand your damn ground. You only you know what you've been through. Only you understand the trauma of moving around. Let me know it's a boy, Bridget for two, he won't have that job. You should be able to do it. So let me know if you beat you. So I would say, like, if you don't want the relationship to end, if he's, and you need to clear with him, if at any point I feel like you're resenting me for this choice I've made for myself, because we've uh spoken about this before we entered this relationship. Um if you're if you're mad at this or you resent me about it, we're gonna end this relationship. But you know, before that apples you could as well just break off. That's my take. What's your take?
SPEAKER_02You have three options. It's gonna end in three ways, regardless, right? So you either are gonna break up, you're going to move, or you're gonna stay. I encourage you to think deeply about all of these. Think about the future, think about your life ten years from now, moving into any of those directions. Which one do you think right now will make you the happiest? And go with that.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. I'm also gonna butt change. You're not you nigga, I'm gonna say something. You you are not allowed to speak. A lie you said, no, I know you say my own is that my own is girl, the thing you're holding on to to not let this boy take this job, they don't nah, it's not on the same level. You're saying validation. I don't really care at this point. It's my own opinion. You're saying sense of um belonging, you're saying lasting friendship, you're saying stability. My dear, you can build this in anywhere. Trust me. So, I mean, I mean, I want to believe it's London there and it's Toronto here. You guys can meet up monthly. And maybe he's and maybe when he's in. Wow. My one is if you get to that point, you can't take it. Kukuma break up and leave you. Let the boy let the boy go and live his dream job and his dream. Yes, you live your dream life. And you dream use your dream life and be yourself in Toronto. This man is not a good person. Because why are you trying to feel a nice person? Because if you feel like, okay, Toronto will give you that dream life, maybe stay here. But the boy said he wants to move and then let him move. So don't give trip him and make him lose the dream. God mercy. And now you know, I'm not, I because I feel like he's not even getting the girl's perspective. Let me ask you a question. Like you're a mess runny, though. So I don't know her. But it's okay not to get her perspective, though. But there's two humans in the situation. Why aren't you sympathize with him as well? Yeah. Why are you so biased towards her? How do you know what her? Because he has been looking at the city. Exactly. So you don't know what it is. You cannot say happens. This is not a cashier job. This is not a customer and like this is not a customer service. This is not a customer service job. This is what we're gonna say. And this man's letting me with Felix. Oh Lord. And this man's less fight. That's my live way.
SPEAKER_01You know who I pity the most? Leno. I'm literally sick here speaking to myself.
SPEAKER_00Like if you guys get with fucking something. I feel like this is my best episode. No. Big is my favorite episode. What the boy has gone doesn't look for that job. I mean, that means there's no the job is not in turn. What the irony of the scene is we are speaking about identity. She's fine, trying to find an identity, but she has not been able to find it because she's been moving from one country to another, fighting, maybe not finding one in your words, moving around with a military family, just trying to, she doesn't have an identity.
SPEAKER_02If she moves now, not to try to find the identity, not to try to bring his whole identity with staked on his career, and now he is from it.
SPEAKER_01And then there's your breakfast.
SPEAKER_02That's what I said.
SPEAKER_01Look at both of them. There's two humans in the situation. Your career cannot be about your identity, especially if you How do you know? There are some people that make it that way. I don't know. I don't think very much with being with being a creative. With being a creative identity.
SPEAKER_00No, she doesn't she doesn't know what she is. He knows who he is. Shay, hold your throats. Oh, Jesus. Hold your throats, Shay.
SPEAKER_01No, because United's a best friend. No, microphone calls under every night, huh?
SPEAKER_00Anyways, let us let us team. Wait, let us say this? That was the steam. That was a steam, please. Ah, that was the steam. Um, so um and Wilson, I say, yeah, what is the steam that you have because this was hot. Yeah. You bought this, something they're fishing higher.
SPEAKER_02Um, one thing that happened to me recently, okay? I have a roommate that I let live with me as a favor because she was going through a tough situation. And she did something that I told her from day one. Do not do this. It's a very reasonable rule. And I walked into my house the other day. I went to go take the bus and I walked back and I caught her doing this thing. I'm like, oh, for real?
SPEAKER_00What was she doing? Sorry, I got lucky.
SPEAKER_02She was smoking in my apartment around my two teeny weeny little dogs cigarette. I told it to my there's a balcony. Yeah. Smokeless fat. You could use that, yeah. I get it, it's cool to side, but I even if worse comes to worse, I'm like, open your window, go into your room. You got smoke down. I'm like, in the living room, just feet kick up while my two dogs are chilling there. That's my biggest reason for it. I'm like, they don't need to have cancer. Your lungs. Your lungs out. They didn't ask for it. Right, I looked at her and I didn't even know what to say. He said that. So and the and the problem was, so I said it to her, I was like, you know, dogs can get cancer too. And she goes, yeah, I know, and goes onto her phone.
SPEAKER_00She knew.
SPEAKER_02But not even you knew. She said this, she said this before. She's had problems with people, and like she'll be like, they did me wrong, and her immediate response will be, and they couldn't just say sorry. So I'm sitting here thinking, Oh my god. I'm sitting there, so I'm sitting there, I'm waiting, like, you know? Where's this apology that you're always expecting from other people? She's not our way. It did not come. I stayed at home for an extra hour because I wasn't sure what to do. I had a moment where I'm just like, I'm kind of stressed right now. You know what I mean? And I'm no, she didn't say anything. This is my big my pet peeve. The problem I have right now is with people when they do something wrong and they don't have the balls to just say I'm sorry. That's it, accountability.
SPEAKER_00Hot people hurt people.
SPEAKER_02Hurt people, I don't think she's a hurt person. I mean, actually, but still, you can't say sorry. Yeah. And after saying it so much, say expecting that from people, so that's that they are also hypocrites. So it's hypocritical, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's a double, this there's too many things in that situation. Too many things in that situation.
SPEAKER_00But girl, if you're if you're watching, you are a dumbass idiot. You need to learn to be accountable for your actions and not do it again. Uh-uh, and see. This is team. We are letting it up. Go on, steam. My own steam. It's still on culture shock, culture, culture shock, yes. Yeah. You know when I came to this country, and I missed my first birthday. I mean, of course, they they met him for like the first um birthday celebration. And I will still bring your own bottle. And I'm like, I guess don't buy drinking your own birthday cats. Wait. Do best day now. And stop making us fun debt things. Do you understand? I mean, it's okay, it's okay. You, my friend, bring me and bring vodka. Help me and bring maybe your card. Even that one too, it's not okay. But they're telling you which bottle to bring. Some people will tell you liquor only. Don't bring mine.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. That's insane. I don't go to that. Even bring your own bottles for you to drink. How are you gonna tell me what I cannot, what I can? But I've bring you.
SPEAKER_00I mean, to be honest, I've I I have hosted parties and I I had to put it because of pressure. Like, okay, we'll miss the cost. It cannot be like say, okay, maybe Nami they do Nami which pass or have money. Ah no, let me no, let me clock your tea. Every person that brings a bottle will simply assess them, oh, this one is cheap. We'll say it's like that. Oh, no, it's like you were the one that goes. Well, it was a culture. You're actually terrible. Well, it was a cultural. That is why I whatever invites me and there's B Y O B, I go to the RAF and look for a very suspicious. But actually, I would say if I say bring your bottle, I mean, baby, don't get don't give me $10. Wait, so you're saying that you know life when people say B your bring your own bottle? Like, I feel like it's if you're gonna host a party, host your party. Don't you do parties with bring your own bottle? Because of pressure.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you can't do it.
SPEAKER_00Pressure off me. Pressure. No, but I know the funny thing. Okay, no. So what I do was I so now I now create like two flyers. I will now put one for people that I don't know to bring their buttons. Two that I know don't bring. If you check your flyer, make sure I get it. They still bring your buttons. I don't get the I do also support you. You know how you go for like parties now in Canada and then or when they're hosting games nights, yeah. It's paper plate that they used to serve food. This girl on Instagram. No, no, that shit is. This is the this guy that does um that does all these things. He said paper plates for baby daddies. Yeah, so it's cheap. It's for your baby daddies. If your paper plates are red car for your baby daddies. Let me because I also saw that video, because let me say, in African home, yeah, when you come to when we are hosting, we buy the finest plates to serve our guests. Because we believe for you to get us from your home to come to our house, it took a lot. We might not tell you that we respect you, but the way you will be served. It's supposed to be like high table with different chairs. And I hear you about the pressure thing, because even now, when I tell my partner, whenever we host, ah, I need to bring up because I buy fine plates. I'm very luxurious. Yeah. Where you've I bought like a lot of nice plates and then color-coat them, and like this is for Austin. It's like, no, who's gonna do the dishes? I said we'll do it. No, no, I'm not sure.
SPEAKER_02I feel that though, I ain't gonna lie.
SPEAKER_00All day, and then you I say I don't mind it, but because that's the African culture. Yeah, because you need to respect your guests. You need to give them a yeah. So I I absolutely agree, but unfortunately, we felt about the pleasure as is peace.
SPEAKER_02It was honestly similar though, like wrong. And you brought up the fine shine. But honestly, I like as a Latino.
SPEAKER_00Because I have a friend, oh do the same thing. I think black I think Latinos are black. I genuinely think. Depends which part depends which part. Yeah, well, but one is that I know the funny thing, okay. Even if okay, you want to do your party, at least have your button. I went to a party and there was no drink at all. So they were expecting guests. Yeah. I'm like, who's sending you to do party if you know? Do you understand? Like, so you're banking on my own drink to feed everybody. That's kind of crazy. What I do what I got there, I got my drink. Yes, so I drop my shit. Period. Everybody got a drink quota. It's crazy. Please, if you want to host party in town, if you don't have money, I mean if once you won't do bring your bottle, at least buy something.
SPEAKER_02Or don't have a party then. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So they can't afford to be happy. Or do a, I mean, or do something, maybe do um let people pay for on that thing that makes me mad. Yeah. Because then people actually do um do for um dinner at restaurants. No, not even at restaurant. You are you're hosting a party and it's a ticket to your birthday party. Are you mad? No, no, no. Are you for real? If you're launching something, maybe your clothing brand or whatever. But the party even that is very wrong.
SPEAKER_02But anyway, you're doing random things like, oh, to come to the event, but you're having to buy something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, to end it.
SPEAKER_02I'd rather use that to buy your clothes.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, everyone should have free will. Oh, this night say they will still clock me because I have someone that's my best friend. He did it. I mean, I had to buy a ticket because I had to be there. But I just feel like exactly. I just feel like please, if I go to host a party, save and host a party, get back on me on my drink. We need to bring back the old D. Yes. What? You I'm like, if you go to a Nigerian party, there will be food. Yes. Drinks, every would ever need your own drink or food. Even come you already. Eat food. Oh, one bear. So much food. Yes, we had rice and peas. Where? Hey, we had rice. No, it was just shirt burgers. Oh, it was. I can't remember there was so much food.
SPEAKER_02Yes, a buffet. Yeah, my brother is a chef.
SPEAKER_00Come to my party, come to the party. Period. Okay, so I think my own skin is the next time I go to a grocery store and I see somebody locking around, they're lurking around and trying to see if I'm gonna steal something. I'm gonna film you and I'm going to um file a complaint. Well, see something, did you? Oh yeah. Especially when you're black. Like they are telling me. Especially the Indians. When they get Indians and the Asians, but at the same time. Oh no, that has to make it as much. I also just feel like they So when they see you, it happened to me recently. Yeah. Um I this was during Christmas. I I just bought some things for my niece, my niece, um, and my nephew, my nieces and my nephew. And I it was a basket filled with things because they were sending it back to Nigeria, chocolate and all that, a dollar mark. And then it was me and two other people, one was white, one was Indian. My my um, what's it called? Trolling. Not trolley, um, my cart was the one with the listing. But the other people had a lot because it was Christmas. They were a lot, it was full. And then the self-checkout was was open. And then this girl walks up to me. Oh, can you go to for one of us to help you? I said, No, I'd rather do self-checkout. She goes, No, no, no. Um, I need you to go there. So I said, self-checkout is faster than the queue. Oh, no, no, I I will feel more comfortable. Yeah. Mind you, I think two white people with a a cart full of stuff went to self-checkout. Probably fan. That's crazy. Not a thing. I think so. Is the sizing for me? Yes, sizing. So, um, first of all, I think when injures look into the mirror, they see a white person, listen, you're not white. From your accent, you're not. Now that they are here, Dave. That they are here. I don't think it actually is that.
SPEAKER_02I think they just jump onto the bandwagon. No, no, no. I think they feel like you're white. They don't have an identity. Because honestly, I feel like it's just like a good idea. I think I think it's like to me, I feel like like when I go to my local grocery store, for example, it's mostly uh white security guards there. Same thing, I get followed all the time. I just feel like it's the culture of I feel like even when I was uh working at a door for a store, my boss straight up told me, like profile people, stereotype, I don't care. I feel like it's literally the culture. That is insane. It's for anybody or for black people. He said said stereo profile. What do you think he meant? Stereotype people. Meaning black people. He said that to me.
SPEAKER_04I was like, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_00I've so there's so many times I've also been at it's very dangerous. There have been so many times I've been at uh at stores, and then uh you see these people lurking around and like uh excuse me, how can I help? My epo accents. If you didn't even look around around from the cashier, they'll be trailing with you with you. Yeah, they'll not even I don't even notice. But you get to that, I notice them all that has smuggettes and egg listening, they'll be truly like it's with not the call out, yeah. Because now that you said it, and now I'm thinking, okay, yes, that's what that is, that that useless guy when it whenever I come to us from the um entrance, yeah, with his eyes, he will not choose you know you get to his point. That is insane. And then we didn't think you don't notice it. It's usually the people, you know. And then they're stupid. And they're still a lot, they're still a lot, yeah. Let me say something. We are one of the weeks.
SPEAKER_02I don't endorse that message.
SPEAKER_00I endorse, I endorse it. You are one of the weakest races in the world. He really gets too much. That is why, listen, what's his name? Kendrick Lamar said it best. You're not like us, and you would never in your entire existence, your entire lineage, your entire race, be like us. You know what's funny? It's Dick. You know what's funny? Bitch. We came up in yes, I'm dead. No, because we need to talk about them. It's it's it's crazy at this point. Yeah, actually. I feel like because they think they are they don't have a lot of people. I don't know who they think they are. Yeah, they have that hair. They feel like they are white, they are white. Nigga, it's just hair.
SPEAKER_02See, I've had various conversations with them. I talk to my Uber drivers a lot, for example, and like, oh my god.
SPEAKER_01Sterry type. Oh, shut up, after all you just said. I've not said most of them are Indians and have great conversations with them.
SPEAKER_02You know, they're like, and I feel like there's some that I talk to, and it's like some of the things we we talk about. I'm like, you know what?
SPEAKER_00Like, no, it's not to say that all Indians are no. That's what I'm so just like the ones that are like that, the uneducated ones. No, even they did it once, they're racist, they know, they're just dumb. The essential India, they're very uneducated, yeah. Yeah, I said what I said. Um I just I just want to I I just feel like we we are all human beings, especially if you are a race that understands what it feels like to be racist towards you understand racism, you would not do to a to a race, especially that has been fighting for you inclusive. Actually, that's not even true. History shows that that's not even true. Yeah, because we every time black people fight for racism, we don't fight just for black people. For everybody, fight for everybody. And it's insane that every fucking time you want to feel like you're white, you throw us under the bus. Guess who fought for for freedom uh uh uh uh everywhere? Black people. Guess who fought for the stone wall black people? So listen to me. Every time there's a fight for freedom, there's time for us to lead a war. See this game? We stand in front. So get your shit together and stop locking around. Especially in Canada, I'm going to report you. I will get to it. I'll see, I will film you, send the video, send the person out, see. Because he just said his boss told him stereotype people. No, because I I asked, no, after that thing happened in Dollarama, I asked, Who is your manager? And they brought another interpretation. I said, You know what? Don't worry. Don't worry, so yeah, I genuinely said don't worry.
SPEAKER_02That's the thing, right? Who do you report to? Yeah, because he just said his manager. No, that's because you're gonna report to my managers, my manager's gonna be like I will report it to manager. I'm taking it to the station. Well, but what are they gonna do? You're gonna go to the police? I will tell them profile in the police? Yes, okay, good luck with that manager.
SPEAKER_00But those the police handles those issues. Oh, father lord, to be black in this country.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, okay, good luck with that, man.
SPEAKER_00Oh my god. This was a lot of sting. This entire episode was a stinky. We let it out on you, guys. I'm sorry, guys. I'm so sorry. But thank you so much. I'm pretty sure you enjoyed this episode. Thank you for sticking with us. You know how we do it. If you have a dilemma that you want to share with. Oh my god, wait, hold on. How about the question we should ask our guest? Yes. Would you ask Isaiah? We didn't ask Hollywood. But Isaiah, yeah. I think you know about this question. Yeah. We we have this question we always want to ask our our guest. Um there's this there's this question from the son Olivier Dean Tan. Um, um why would you do that to a um to a friend, let alone the one you love? So, what is meant to hurt you the most? Um a friend hurting you hurting a friend or you hurting your partner. Think about Danielle. Think about Danielle. Think about John. You have your friend. I feel like it's a wrong.
SPEAKER_02Like this is not a summer. Danielle, you're gonna watch this.
SPEAKER_00Can I opt out? No, you can you gotta say the truth. Uh oh, before you go, raise your eye. Raise your eye. Okay, yes. Wait, for me, that I. Isaiah. No, no, no. Say I, Isaiah. I, Isaiah. I solemnly swear. I solemnly swear.
SPEAKER_02Spill the tea. To spill the tea. And nothing but the tea. And nothing but the tea.
SPEAKER_00Now spill the tea.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, damn. Okay. You're infrared. Um, honestly, I think it can I say it depends? It depends. No, you know, it does.
SPEAKER_00You will not play diplomatic or something. But it does. Okay, fine. Oi.
SPEAKER_02If it's been a friend, don't give us it depends.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00Friend or lover. Friend. Danielle, do you hear that? Well, you're my best friend, baby. We will not do that here. Don't flex through my speaking to you. You were amazing. Thank you for sharing it. I mean, you don't have a choice, Jerry. Um, so yeah, and that's a wrap. Um, do not forget to drill the dilemma. We have a dilemma. Please send it to us. If you want to be anonymous, use the link in the bio. You can see the the ninja in the bio. Kindlyonfutter.gmail.com. And of course, if you want to slide into our DMs, I want to see you. Please go to the video. Yeah, slide it in the bold, you could do kindlyonfuser.gmail.com.
SPEAKER_02Send me an email. I get the email.
SPEAKER_00This man likes cheap. So, yeah, yeah. He's gonna get the email by the way. He's gonna say, so yeah, that means what's that thing? Cuckoo Bolivar.
SPEAKER_03This is kindly unfiltered. We will drag them. We will shave. Who are we gonna say? This is Unfiltered.
