Kristal: Breaking free from FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE mode & moving into REST & DIGEST

Kristal speaks on how intense CHILDHOOD TRAUMA sets you up for a life of living in fight-flight-freeze mode (sympathetic nervous system).

Sharing from her own personal experience she shares in the causes & impacts of living in this FIGHT, FLIGHT, FREEZE mode for years & gives four steps on How to Break free from Fight-Flight-Freeze. This is achieved via switching off the sympathetic nervous system & switching on the parasympathetic nervous system (rest & digest mode), and notes how the vagus nerve plays a significant role in healing and moving towards REST & DIGEST mode.

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to Voices Unhindered. I'm Crystal Jenkinson. On this show, I give a unique perspective and listening ear to voices that often go unheard. I want everyone to know that you are not alone and that your voice and story. That's quite I will speak to you about how to come out of the five cycle freeze mode and move into the breast and digest mode. I will give you four steps from my own personal experience with living in a fight and flight or freeze mode and how to move into a race and digest mode. I also touch on how the vagus nerve plays a role in healing. Hi guys, so I am wanting to talk to you guys today about how to break free from fight, flight, or freeze mode. So it's switching from the sympathetic mode to the parasympathetic mode is something that has recently interested me. It's not even something that I was aware of myself. It's that I was actually stuck in fight and flight mode, freeze mode. Actually, the majority of my life. So I'm here to hopefully give you some advice. And obviously, it's my own experience. Like I'm not a therapist, I'm not a counselor. As I've said before, this is all my experience of going through a lot of my life living in fight and flight, and now just coming out of it and realizing, like, no, I don't have to live in that mode the rest of my life. So it's quite complex, but it's also like there's some signs and things that can indicate what, like, why you've been in this mode uh for so long. So where I wanted to start was fight and flight is a type of stress response that helps you to react to perceived threats. It's a survival instinct and it's an automatic reaction to danger. So it's almost like something takes over your body. And um when you sense a threat or danger, uh, your body just automatically switches into this uh into what's sympathetic nervous system where it just um you feel your heartbeat faster, you feel things can almost feel like they're going in slow motion, which I've experienced a few times. There's a reduction of pain, perceived pain. So like if you're in a car accident, you probably you might not feel the pain until later as much. And it almost feels like you're um watching a movie. It feels like you're watching yourself. Um like almost like your kind of spirit, it sounds weird. You like your spirit is a bit detached from your body at this time, like especially if it's quite um like there's a lot of trauma involved, and it can happen when you're a child, especially like if there's a sexual abuse or ritualistic abuse, like satanic abuse. Um, I've heard of others not that I've had satanic abuse, but I've had sexual abuse as a child, and your body, you kind of just disassociate with the experience, your kind of soul, your spirit, whatever, it kind of leaves your body because it's so painful that you just you kind of feel like you want it to be you you're watching someone else, it happened to someone else. Um and that's often why you can um forget memories, especially of sexual abuse as a child, because it's your body's way of coping with trauma. What I wanted to get into today was how do you break free from this? Um, I wanted to start with a bit of my background and my story. So some of you may know, I didn't grow up with a biological mother. I grew up with my grandparents and a solo dad. And I recently realized this, like I found it out from asking my dad. And if any of you are quite sensitive to uh or triggered by this, um, it's just a warning that I'm gonna tell a story that might be upsetting. Um so when I was a baby in the womb of my biological mother, my dad told me that she tried to murder me. So she she used a rope. She would use a rope to murder me. And she had tried to do this. So my dad he stayed awake for a few nights why he feared he was concerned that she was gonna do it. Um, and it was a way to get to him, obviously, which is narcissistic behavior. I wasn't something that she valued because she would have taken my life if it convenienced her, sadly. And I believe that babies sense things in the womb. So a lot of trauma and a lot of things that happen like later in life to us, they actually start from the womb or they start if you've had a your mother had a traumatic time giving birth to you, and you just things like that can actually affect the rest of your life because babies are a real person inside the womb. Um, in the Bible it says that in Jeremiah it says like before you were born, I knew you, I ordained you as a prophet to the nations. So God knows who we are in the womb. And back to the story, I felt rejected as a baby. Obviously, you do when your own like mother doesn't want you and or your father, especially a mother, because that's the first point of contact into this world. Like you come into a womb, and that is supposed to be a safe place where your mother loves you. But you feel your mother's emotions in the womb, I believe. And I felt not loved. So, and even growing up with my grandparents and dad, I still struggled with a lot of rejection. I struggled with nightmares about her. I honestly am had dreams about her coming to get me as a child, like in a really creepy way. It sounds bad, but it's true. This is what I've had throughout my life, and even now to this day, I have I don't know if it's PTSD or like warning dreams from gold, but it's like, you know, she's in this like trance thing and she's just like trying to get me or find where I am, things like that. So I believe that's all rooted from childhood. So I didn't feel safe with her growing up. I saw her very violent as a child. This created in me like a freeze response. I was like, oh my gosh, what do I do? Is this my fault that they're fighting? She just like react because she wouldn't get enough money or she wouldn't get her own way, and then they'd start fighting. And then I just I had no idea what to do. I was just like, oh my gosh, I'm in the way. Why am I here in this weird situation? And this kind of start like started the cycle of uh well, the womb incident, and then you know, just growing up feeling like unwanted or just a burden to those around me, except for my grandparents. I never felt that with them. I mean, that was so healing. But it's I had so many issues from just the response that I was stuck in as a child. And then this led to sexual abuse cycles growing up. I didn't feel protected growing up. Like I told you, I had a dad, a solo dad, and he was obviously busy in his own work, as busy in his life as you are, looking after two children. And my grandparents were too old to really be that protective figure. They were so beautiful, but they weren't really like protection. I felt not protected, and this got me into a vulnerable place. This kept me in survival mode. This kept me in fight and flight mode, freeze mode a lot of my life, where I kept getting into the same situations and I'd self-hate myself, and then I just felt stuck. There's two parts to the nervous system. That was just a story to tell you like where it began for me. Um, so it was very young, um, very young, obviously, where my body kicked me into this fight and flight mode. And it would often be flight or freeze that I would result to. And this caused me, but I'll go into this later, um, to shut down really. I had a shutdown personality where I felt like I couldn't be myself, where I felt like I couldn't voice what I wanted to say. And I think others can relate to this as well, which childhood trauma does to you. There's two parts to the nervous system. So there's the sympathetic fight-flight mode, which controls that that response. It's like the real high stress modes where cortisol rises and adrenaline, and your body's flooded with these hormones that are used in a state of survival. So, like if you're like in a fight, you think someone's gonna shoot you or hit you, or like your parents are abusive. Usually when you're young and you there's abuse, you resort to flight or freeze mode because you can't really protect yourself. And that comes into like why adults grow up into um resorting to these two modes, because obviously when you're a child, you've your body has had a habit to result into flight or freeze mode because it's a self-protectionist mechanism. And when you were a child, you couldn't protect yourself from dangers or threats. So that's your body's way of doing that. Um, and then there's a parasympathetic, it's like the opposite um side of your nervous system. It's also called the rest and digest, and it contributes to the feel-good hormones, oxytocin and on dolphins, and all the hormones that are the state we should be in is in mostly is the parasympathetic, the rest digest state. Because that's how our body heals and that's how our body should be in functioning. We shouldn't be in this survival fight-flight mode m most of our life. Yeah, so you usually default to one or another mode and you can shift between the two. But like I said, your body has a way of coping the same way that it did from when you were a child. Um, if there was heavy trauma or anything like that. So if yeah, like a a lot of childhood trauma, there's sexual abuse, things like sexual abuse, things like satanic abuse, violence towards you as a child, is all sets you out for this, your sympathetic nervous system takes over your life, and you are operating in this fight-flight mode, freeze mode for into your growing up years until you recognize it. And it heightens your sense of threats and perceived threats. So it's hard to differentiate between a real threat for me and perceived threat because even when I thought about things that have happened to me, I'm like, was that a real threat? And I I trust my gut, like you know how you say trust your they say trust your gut. I trust my gut to, and my body tells me when there's a real threat, and I believe what it tells. And I also feel like it's the spiritual thing as well. I have been more aware of spirits operating through situations and people and not just um seeing things as a natural threat, but also as a spirit involved. So that heightens your sense of need to self-protect. Like when I was growing up, for example, I'd I'd push people away that like tried to help me, or I'd be like hyper, you know, hyper-independence and all those traits, like they were so they've been so strong in my life because I didn't feel like anyone was there for me. I didn't feel like anyone could protect me. I felt like I went through so many things on my own. Like when I was a child, like seeing my mother and father like go at it and especially my mother get violent towards my dad, and then my grandparents taking me out of that, and then just moving around a lot as a child between my grandparents and my dad. And I never felt like I could really depend on any anyone. Like my grandparents were so beautiful, but I knew they were so old and they wouldn't be here for long, and I was like preparing myself, like I'm gonna lose them soon. Like, and then my daughter's biological dad, he was not in the picture ever, and I was like going through childbirth, all those things. I looked after her on my own through my life. It's like there's some good things about hyper-independence, like you get things done, you're motivated, but then at the same time, like it's like there's a time where you don't want to be, especially as a female, like you don't want to be always at it. Like you want to be able to be a f feminine woman, and it's like, how do you be that when you are so used to being like a in a masculine role all your life, like looking after yourself? As a single mother, you know what I'm talking about. Like where you haven't had anyone to like help you, even like with no family support, like you've had to do it yourself. And yeah, I felt like I was alone a lot of my life, and I felt like I don't want to depend on anyone because they're gonna let me down. I don't need anyone else's help because so many people hurt me growing up, so many people weren't there, and there were so many disappointments, and I was so discouraged by all that that I'm just like, um, you know, I'll do it all myself. I don't need you. Even like in the area of community and church and stuff, I I'm back in the church now. But honestly, I didn't want, I didn't feel like I needed that. Like, I'm like, no, you guys, you know, why would you care about me? Like, I thought about things like in that way, and that was all from like childhood. Like I was set up to like to think like that. I'm just coming out of that now, which is amazing. Um, thanks to God. So another story I wanted to talk about was some of these are a bit triggering. So I just want to warn you like if you have children or like if you are um triggered by sexual abuse, these are just things that stand out to me when my body went into fight and flight. So when I was 15 years old, there were two incidents. One was a freeze mode and one was a flight mode that I remember. So both of them was when I was like 15. I was like walking to school. I used to walk to school on my own. I was on my own a lot growing up, like I said. And I was sexually abused by a male. Um who was you know similar age, and my body went into freeze mode. And this was just walking to school. Like I was just minding my own business, and then I had this fear of walking on my own. Like I felt like, oh my gosh, like, you know, what's gonna happen next? Like all those things. I don't deal with that now, but like I I did deal with that a lot. I'm like, what's you know, um, what do I gotta do to not let this happen? It's so confusing, sexual abuse. It's because like when you lack love at at home or you lack a father figure or whatever, you're looking for that. And it's like when you get it through sexual abuse, it's like there's a little bit of like fulfillment, and then there's a little bit of like, I hate myself for wanting it in this form. Like I messes up your mind so much. I know it's wrong, it's so wrong, and it's but it's like but that's the attention I'm getting. Like, if I don't get it here, where do I get it? And that's the thing about it. So that got me into freeze mode with the sexual abuse. I defaulted to freeze mode. So I wouldn't say anything, I wouldn't tell anyone, I just think, oh, it must be my fault, or it must be. It would always be like a self-hate thing and be like, I hate myself. Why would it happen to me? Like, why am I what's wrong with me? Like, and all this mental battles with all that stuff. And then when I was 15, another incident happened that I went into flight mode. I remember I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Actually, some of these things that happened when I went into these fight and flight modes, my body went into it. I was actually, I believe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Um, it's not always the case, but often it was the case where I didn't listen to God. I was just doing my own thing. I was thinking that I knew what I was doing, um, and I kind of stepped out of his divine guidance or provision where you know he he protects us as his children, but then when you when you do something and he's speaking to you in that stealth small voice saying, No, don't do that, don't do that. And you just ignore it. Or you've ignored his voice so long, or you've blunted it with like, I don't know, things that you do as a teenager, like smoking, drinking, all that stuff, sleeping around that people the things that people do that blunt out God's voice, dump numb it, and then you stop listening to him because you can't hear him clearly, because he doesn't shout. And yet, like I said, these were times when I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I feel like God told me not to do this, but I did it anyway. So I was down the street, and this girl, she accused me of being a prostitute, which is what my biological mother was, and that r that's really triggering in itself. And it's like people often call you what they are. Um, so anyways, there were a group of girls with her, and she's like um just accusing me of stuff that I didn't do. And then I I went into fear. Like that's what happens, it triggers that fight-flight mode. I started getting afraid. I was like, oh my gosh, she's gonna like she's gonna beat me. I was like, I didn't know what to do. Like, I was like, I'm gonna just gonna stand here and get beaten up. And so I was like, no, I'm just gonna sprint. And I just ran so fast that I'd have ever run in my life. Um down the road. And I jumped into this guy's car, and thankfully he was a good man. He didn't look it didn't look like he was. He had like skull little door nor blocked things in his car. So I I opened his front door, I jumped over his seat, and he was sitting in there waiting for his kid to come out of school. And then um I locked all his doors and I was like sitting in beside him, and I was like, Oh my gosh, this these girls are trying to like get me down the road and please don't open the doors and please just wait with me in the car. And yeah, thankfully he was just really nice. And I um he called the police and stuff, and then yeah, the police was so unhelpful. They were just like, Oh, well, that's what kids do. Anyway, what I was gonna say was like, yeah, that was a miracle that he was there and I jumped over his car. Like I couldn't see anywhere else to run. Like, I was like, I cannot sustain this sprint for long. So I jumped into his car and I yeah, and I was safe there. I do believe God like provides things that are safe for you and places that are safe, even if you have walked away from him and you know you're in the wrong place. And I believe that that was God that pointed me to that car. Because I could have just jumped from the frying pan to the fire, you know? That was just a example of when I went into flight mode, and there was another time when I was 16 years old and I was sexually abused by someone at church. This was the church that I grew up in, and it traumatized me like to go back to that church. It traumatized me to go to church, like but especially that church. I was like, well, if I don't feel safe here and this is what happened here, why would I go there? Why wasn't I protected? Why didn't anyone see this? Why were people around me saying, like, this is a good person, this is he's a nice friend, like for you, or whatever. So he like pressured me into giving him his now. I was 16 years old, I was just naive and I knew something felt wrong. I just listened to what other people were telling me and all that stuff, and I'm like, it's so wrong, like saying to a 16-year-old, like he's a nice boy. Like, you don't even, you know, like what are you trying to do? Like, I I mean, I forgive people for speaking out of ignorance and stuff, but it's like, you know, just mind your own business. And especially if you don't have the gift of discerning your spirits. And so I didn't go to that church for ages, and every time I went there, I was like getting anxiety. I get real bad anxiety going into the church. Like, I'd be like, oh my gosh, who else is gonna like sexually abuse me here? Who else is gonna like not protect me here if I don't feel safe in this church? Like, where do I feel safe? And you know, like and for ages, like now I I have gone back to the church that I grew up in and I love the church. Like I I can say that there's been a lot of healing that God's done in me in in the church and connecting, reconnecting with people since my grandparents passed, and I don't feel those things anymore. I can say that I feel safe there, but I didn't growing up. And I think that made me angry at God and at people, even in the church, that I'm like, why didn't you look after me? You know, things like that. So another so that was a trigger for me was going to church, and I don't know what your triggers are, but I recognize that now. I'm like, why did I feel like that? Why did I feel suicidal when I walked into a church? Why did I feel anxiety? And it messes with your mind, just like church. Like you think it's supposed to be a place where you find healing and freedom. Yeah, and I found God again. He found me, sorry, I want to say, yeah. He found me and sh he showed me like that's what was happening. Like that's why you had anxiety to go to that church. And like, you know, I've been facing those triggers slowly. Like I've been like, no, I I can do this. Like, I don't need to be afraid. I don't need to be afraid of this person or what they think about me or any of that stuff. And even that's where I met my daughter's biological dad, like for the first time he came to that church. So there's there was a lot of triggers, and he was a traumatic person in my life. That's just one of those things I wanted to So if you've been like sexually abused or something, like it could be like a hotel, a hotel room, or hotels in general, a specific place where you remember or smell or like and that can trigger you um to remember it again. And that happened to me for years. Like I'll be like going past this place where I remember this happening, and then it just brought back all those feelings of despair and suicide or thoughts and things like that. Every time I look, I'd be like, and you'd hate yourself, you'll be like, why did I do like go into freeze mode? Why did I let that happen to me? Or why was I vulnerable for that to happen to me? Or what did I what am I doing wrong? And all that stuff. And like, yeah, that's all part of that free fight, flight, or freeze mode. And it keeps you stuck in that as well, those thoughts, because they're they feed into like your behavior, your beliefs, and then you yourself blame for these things, and then they it's like a repeated um broken records, like a repeated cycle where you just keep thinking, believing the same things and expect different results with your life. And it doesn't work like that, it becomes a stronghold when you when you feed into those lies. So I wanted to that was a trigger for me. Those are triggers. And another thing I wanted to talk about was yeah, just the phrase response. Like when you're so used to freezing and sexual abusive situations, like that, it keeps you stuck in that as well. I I'll just share this and it's another triggering thing, but um I had this boss that was sexually abusive. I knew something was off with him, I knew something was weird about him from the minute I saw him. I just ignored that. Like I said, there were times when God, I felt like there were red flags, God warned me, but I was like, nah, this is in logical sense, it made sense, because like it was the time where the vaccine um passes and I didn't I didn't have a pass. I didn't get the thing. Like he was like, Oh, you can work here, you don't need a vaccine pass. I was like, okay, this might be God. And then I realized nah it was it wasn't when I look back and I should have left, but I didn't until it got really bad. And it got really bad really fast. Um every time I try to speak to his wife, my mouth was shut. Like I was like, oh, I don't want to tell her. And it's that thing again, it's like you think, oh, maybe it's my fault, maybe it's because I liked it. Maybe you just freeze and it and it disempowers you. And there were triggers that I had when I left that, like I'd have nightmares about him, and I'd have I'd see I'd think I'd see him in the mall or something like that. I don't have that now, which is amazing. Like I feel like I'm healing, and that's how I know I'm coming out of that that mode, that final flight mode. And every time I drive past where he worked, or just not on purpose, but just out of it. So and then the flight mode. This was the last flight mode that I had in my life. Oh, there was probably like one more after this, but honestly, like I know that there's been a shift in my body since that time as well. Um, a few years ago, almost two and a half years ago, um my biological mother, I mean, she's been diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia and hearing voices and all that stuff, and um there's a fine um line between the spiritual and the mental, which I believe. You know, she'd use the Bible against me, and then she'd compare me to her other children, and things like that. And all of that's um narcissistic behavior. And she was um, I felt in my body, I knew she was about to hit me. She was standing by the car door. I told her if she wouldn't move, I'd call the police. She like stalked me to my car and just started abusing me and saying, you know, all the gay members around here know me. Or just like real trash talk, you know, like I'm like, what's that got to do with me, you know? Um, my daughter was with me. Um, and I went into fight-flight mode. I just drove off with the car door open. I was shaken to the core because she said to me, You're not like a daughter to me. And I I think that was one of the like I just started crying and I was like, you know, I'm not gonna visit you anymore. Like I I think that shaken me to the core because I just felt like I knew, like when I was young, back to when I was like in the worm up, you just confirmed to me, like I knew you didn't like me, and um all those feelings of rejection just like resurfaced, and I'm like felt so insecure and so afraid for for like a long time after that. I was like afraid to do anything and go places in case I saw her, and I'd have nightmares about her, as I said. And this is all PTSD, and this is all like trauma and what happens when you've been abused. Oh, I knew she'd been through a lot of sexual abuse, and that's what led her into I don't know, yeah, drugs and then the prostitution from a young age. I don't know what she's been through, but I know she's been through stuff. It doesn't excuse the behavior. I was just like, I never want to see you again. Like I never want to experience what you've done to me again. I don't want my daughter getting upset like this ever again. For me, like I've put that boundary there. I I wrote her a letter to say that I forgive her and stuff, and I'm praying for her because I know she's really not well. And um, I feel like boundaries are really important to protect yourself. Like you can be really empathetic, you can love people and stuff, and I feel like that's what I am. I am that, but I I also I have to protect myself and I've come to that place. I care about myself, I value myself enough to not people please and do what you want me to do whenever. Another thing that is for me, when there's been a lot of childhood trauma, when there's been like satanic abuse or sexual abuse as a child, violence, where you felt like you weren't able to protect yourself, you're you're pre-programmed for and vulnerable to a life of being in this fight, flight, or freeze mode where your sympathetic nervous system is just controlling everything you do. You're in survival mode, you're not able to relax and relate to people, you're not able to enjoy life because you're so traumatized that you're just so focused on surviving. Um and I've even heard people say that they forget to eat. Yeah, there were times when I didn't even want to eat in that time for a lot of my life, like or I had to have disordered eating. But now I see food in a different way. Like my relationship with food has changed, and I'm so grateful. Um, and you're more likely to experience depression, anxiety, PTSD. That's when stress goes on, all these um trauma memories, things are stored in your body, and they keep popping up. Um, inflammation, autoimmune disorders, um, when you've experienced severe um trauma as a child. Like I can say that I've started counseling, never had like proper counseling before. I had a suggestion from a friend to go for ACC counseling. I honestly I struggle to find one because I was like, nah, none of these people like I can talk to, or none of these people I can understand, or can't be bothered finding one. I'm like so careful about who I speak to because I'm like, it's just wasting my time talking to a brick wall. So I believe I have transitioned from a lifelong state of fight and fight, flight, or freeze to a rest and digest mode. And you can too. Like it's not something that you just have to do the rest of your life. So it's so important that we move out of that as soon as we can because that's not the life that God wanted us to live. That's not how life should be. The things that fight and flight and freeze mode or the sympathetic nervous system does to you, it can result in things like addiction. And you might overeat, you might go shopping, spend all your money on gambling, have so much sex outside of marriage. It's okay in marriage, obviously. Like if you're going to have sex and then you're addicted to that, and then all of that stuff is like a coping mechanism or a self-protection mechanism. Also hyper-independence where you build up walls. Like I talked about how I did that. And you push others away because you're like, I don't want you in case you hurt me. I don't want to get close to you. I don't want you to get close to me in case you you don't want to be vulnerable again. Like, you know, how you were vulnerable as a kid and they abused you. Like, you don't want that. So you push others away and it keeps you from building genuine relationships, which are so important for our mental health, our quality of life. You need to be open to that. It's not like people are just gonna come and like um be like, oh, I want to be your friend, you know, like sometimes. But like, you know, honestly, you need to be, if you want to be friends with people, you need to be friendly. Because otherwise, like you they get that vibe, like you get the vibe, like, oh, she's pushed, he's pushing me away. I'm not gonna go. You know, it's like a equal thing. It's like, oh, they like me and I like them. Like, it's not what I wanted to say was like, you need to be motivated by love and not by fear. In the Bible, it says that's the main perfect love cast out all fear. And that is in John 1, John 4, 18. So you're either operating out of fear or you're operating out of love, and God wants us to operate out of love. That should be our foundational motivation for every relationship, for everything we do. And moving into love can heal your body, mind, and soul. Spirit. So I'm just gonna tell you now how do you switch off fight, flight, freeze mode? How did I switch off fight, flight, freeze mode, or the sympathetic nervous system off and then move into the parasympathetic nervous system? I just have like four steps, these simple steps of what I've done, and it's honest, it's not complicated, but it's powerful. The first one is just recognize your default mode and self-protection mechanisms. So, like I talked about, it could be an addiction to eating, it could be an addiction to watching TV, it could be addiction to being money, sex, anything like that. Like there's always a route into why you're doing that. And then it could be hyper-independence pushing people away. Recognize these behaviors and patterns and be like, why do I do that? Why do I push people away? Why am I insecure? Like, why do I want them to love me, but then I'm afraid? Like, you know those insecurities that you have because when you were a child, you you didn't have that secure attachment like others had. So you need to recognize these things to actually address them. So to see a pro you need to identify a problem before you can solve it. And these are problems because obviously there are things that have stopped you moving forward in life, stopped you growing, sucking the quality of your life out of your life. And you don't want your life to be like the rest of your existence. So when you recognize them with the root, so like you know that they were rooted in maybe you didn't have a dad growing up, maybe you had a void for wanting a loving mother or you were abused as a child, things like that. And then number two is realize you don't have to default to these behaviors anymore because they're lies and they're just giving you bare fruit in your life, pretty much. They're destroying your life. That's what they're doing. For me, like a big one was forgiving myself, but learning to love myself. Whether anyone else did or not, like I needed to be down for me, like I needed to love me. And I got that from realizing how much God loved me and receiving his love. Because we can't give to others what we don't have. So we go to God and then we realize He loves and forgives us, and then we give it to others. Also repenting, like realizing like He is my protector, He's my guide and my father. Like I said, oftentimes there were times when I just couldn't hear His voice and I was so numb to His voice, and that nothing that happened to me was His fault. And some things we don't understand in life, like childhood trauma and sexual abuse as a child, all that stuff. We don't understand why it happened or growing up. Um, but we know that he knows. He knows everything that happened to us, and we don't need to understand everything, but we know that he has our best interest at heart. In Jeremiah 29, 11 it says, For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you to give you a hope and a future. Plans not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future. So he's always the same. It's just there's things in our life that can hold us back, whether they're like curses, whether they're ways of thinking, patterns. Obviously, there's a spiritual side to all this, because it's like if you think about it, like all that stuff that happens to children in the womb as a baby, murdering babies, you know, all that stuff, um, abusing babies. That's all demonic to me. Like, that's all the enemy is trying to like he hates children, he hates he hates what you're gonna be. So to me that makes sense that he sees you as a threat. So that's why that he knows that there's something special in you. So that's why he tried to take you out when you were young. And that's how I see it as well. And I trust God with my future, and I trust that he's working it out for good. He says he works all things together for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose. When you're called according to his purpose, he already knows that that's what was gonna happen to you, and he's gonna use it for him so you can heal others. Like, there's a purpose in your pain. Like, you don't go through it for nothing when you got the Lord, when you know Jesus. So, number three is give your body food as medicine. So I said, like, I've changed my relationship with food. I had an eating disorder when I was young. I didn't like my body, I didn't like being a bit more curvy than the stick. You know, it's all mental. When you've been abused as a child, you don't lie yourself. It that's just what it is. Like, I mean you struggle to accept compliments, you struggle to s love yourself. And then so back to food. I now see m food as medicine and healing because that's what the Bible says it is. So there's a connection also between when your body goes into fire and flight for for years, it it can upset the gut microbiome. So this is where your body can um absorb nutrients inside the gut and use it for, you know, to carry into the rest of the body. You need a healthy gut to be healthy. So probiotic and prebiotic foods can heal your gut. Um, aloe vera, um, things like herbs, certain herbs that like adaptogens like ashwagandha, fermented foods, omega-3s, fatty fish, grass-fed red meat, things like this I have started eating more of because they can improve your hormone health. Your body needs these to make amino acids and be in optimal health. Like I said, I was like vegan for a few years almost. Um, so that can be alright for some time, but I don't think, like, not for long. Number four is do the things that you enjoy. When you are in fight and flight, you are going through cycles of like self-hate, guilt, survival, all those things that you're trying to do. You're not thinking about creativity, you're not thinking about enjoying yourself, you're not thinking about doing those things that you were gifted to do. Like maybe you're a good singer, maybe you're a good artist, maybe you're good at teaching. Like, you're not thinking about those. You're just like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna survive another day and not let this pain that happened to me happen to me again? That's kind of how you're thinking on a daily basis. For me, I've started like reading again. Like, I really enjoy reading. Like, I didn't do it for ages because I was like so distracted with surviving that and protecting myself and all these emotions. Getting engaged into a really good book. I read like classics, but I really like Jean Sassoon. She writes about like women that are under like an Islamic regime and their stories of like being tortured and things like that. I know it sounds intense, but I'm like, no, I love I if they're true stories, like I am open to hearing their stories, like it can make me cry sometimes. I love that. Like I want to hear people's stories and things like that. Walking in the sun, like nature. I really I feel like getting in the sun is so important for my mental health and hormones and all that. To me, I tr I try to do that every day now. Baking, I love baking and like healthy baking. Like, I don't use like processed sugar and I just do like a lot of keto stuff and then yeah, ate that. I bake it and I eat it. Sometimes I give it away to um people that want my baking. And then I like drawing. My daughter loves drawing too. And singing has been a big one. Like, I just this is something that I just found out last night when I was like looking through stuff. And then someone at church said it to me as well. Like, so singing's been therapeutic for me. Like I used to sing at home and I love music, I love songs, I'm like naturally into music, even though I didn't learn like an instrument growing up. I'm like starting to learn with my daughter. She started piano. We both enjoy for me. Like, my piano teacher was so bad at high school. It was just like, I hate this subject because you just make it so boring. So I was like, and I just struggle to like read notes and stuff, but I could pick up sounds and learn it just by ear. I've heard that that means you're naturally good. So now I'm trying to learn how to read music. So yeah, the things like that can just like bring joy back into your life and um balance hormones and things that like switch you out of the sympathetic into the parasympathetic where you're not just uh surviving and your body enters like a relaxed state, especially when I'm singing. Like I forget about everything else, even when I'm singing in church, like I'm just focused on singing on on God, obviously, and then and even that's healing in itself, singing to God. I listen to R B and hip-hop sometimes, like they're my two other song like song chor like genres that I like, but I'm like mostly RB, but there's some singers that I love. I'm careful about who I listen to, like these certain singers I won't listen to for spiritual conviction reasons and knowing what they do behind the scenes and stuff. But well, singing is such a big one because it actually switches your body out of the sympathetic nervous system into the parasympathetic. This is the main way that you can do it. Switch your body from that mode, fight and flight to the rest and digest mode through singing. It's therapeutic for this reason. And I also think there's spiritual reasons, but this is just the natural reasons. There's a vagus nerve, and that when you sing, it vibrates that nerve and it turns off fight and flight and on to the parasympathetic system. So the rest and digest system where you feel like you're not in a place of danger, you're not running, you're just um singing. And I feel like in that that is spiritual in itself, like that is uh powerful because I don't think it's just a natural thing for me, especially when you're singing like spiritual song. Music is spiritual to me, it is. It has the ability to change the atmosphere, it has the ability to create emotion, create faith, create fear, create suicidal thoughts. There's so many things that music can create. Mind you, a lot of music is about like love and a lot of it's actually about lust now. But I love like the old, like old love songs and like Boys to Men and like Mariah Carey. I still listen to like music like that because I I love music like that. Yeah, I stay away from a lot of like modern music. Anyways, um another thing I like doing, and I'll get back to that music thing soon. Back to the love thing soon. Um secondhand shopping. I love secondhand shopping because I've like bargains. I didn't do that for years because I was like obviously on my own with li my daughter and then just surviving pretty much. So these are the things I do that I enjoy now um regularly, and do them regularly. Like, don't just like well, you might like playing like tennis with a friend, or you might like enjoy going to like a dance class or something. I don't know, whatever you enjoy. You need to do these things and do them often. And I also feel like being a part of a community is a big one too, because I feel like there's research on that those in community they live longer and than those that aren't. And I feel like we were made to be in families, we're made to be together. So I feel like that's a big one. And then the thing that happens when you're singing, when the vagus nerve is stimulated, is the heart rate goes down. So it's the opposite to what happens when you're in fight and flight. Your blood pressure goes down, there's deeper breathing, endorphins are released, dopamine and oxytocin is released, which is a love hormone. When obviously when you're breastfeeding and things like that, it's it all makes you feel your mood is elevated. And then cortisol, which is the stress hormone that you don't want, it lowers. That's the cortisol is a main um hormone that is operating when you're in fight and flight mode. This is a bit out there, but there's similarities between falling in love and similarities between that and then switching between the parasympathetic nervous system and then the sympathetic nervous system. So falling in love can actually shift your body in and out of parasympathetic and sympathetic. So it can stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, it stimulates things like butterflies, which are like anxiety because you're a bit nervous, because you obviously um like this person so much. It makes you nervous. Embracing heart. And you can see that they overlap with what happens when you are in fight and flight. The excitement and widening pupils when you're looking at your beloved. And then the love sickness as well, I believe, where you're like just longing for someone that you feel sick. And it also increases insecurity, where you're like, oh my gosh, I don't want them with someone else, or I don't want them looking at someone else, or what if they don't like me, or all those things like can heighten when you're in this state of being in love. It's like a wave when you're in love. Like, and then cortisol can be like a wave as well because you might be really stressed because you're not with this person. You might be over-analyzing whatever they're doing or whatever, and then like an alertness, like you're really aware of them when they're around, which can create that feeling of being high and a dry mouth. So these are all part of the sympathetic nervous system use also used in fight and flight. So that's why you feel like you can kind of feel a bit depressed and then a bit very excited about being in love and being around this person and very attracted to them, and then you're like depressed again because you're like, oh my gosh, but what if they don't like this about me? Or like it's a just a really interesting thing that I thought I should put out there. But and then obviously the parasympathetic nervous system, you might also feel really relaxed around this person. So that's part of the parasympathetic nervous system. You might feel like all those endorphins, dopamine, all that's released when you're around this person, um, oxytocin. So there's just such a mixture. I just found that so interesting because it's like when you're in love, it can shift between the two nervous systems, the parasympathetic and the sympathetic. Also feeling like you can't eat, you might be so in love with this person that you feel like you can't eat, that's the sympathetic. And then obviously obsessive thinking or intrusive thoughts, you've heard of that, like where you're thinking about them all the time or like fantasizing about them. It could be disturbing as well. So yeah, like it could be disturbing, it could be a good thing. So it's like it's it falling in love, it's like, which is kind of confusing. When you're lusting for someone, that's not love, and then that's when you're obviously more prone to all the negative feelings that go with love. Um, because love is not lust, love is the opposite of lust, what it says in the Bible. And yeah, and when you're in love, be you should be in the parasympathetic nervous system, not the sympathetic. Thank you guys for listening to this episode. I appreciate your support. I hope you got something out of this episode. And if you want to share with me any of your stories with going into fight and flight, freeze mode, or anything that you want speak more on a certain topic or anything like that, please um send me a fan mail on my Bruzz Sprout. Or you can email me. Please subscribe to my Patreon um and my YouTube channel, which is in the description box and the links will be below. I appreciate you because I couldn't do this without you. I want to use this to bring things to light. And I feel like I'm serving a higher purpose here, and I it's something I enjoy, and it's also something that has gotten me out of that. Fight and flight mode is even podcasting because I'm like, I enjoy writing and I enjoy reflecting, self-reflect. This is all because it's all stuff that I've been through, and I want to share with, I want to help you guys to get out of that mode that I was stuck in for so many years. I'll speak to you guys in the next episode. It's great hearing from my listeners. Reach out with questions and comments through Insta or Facebook. Just search for Voices Unhindered. I'm interested to know what other topics and voices you'd like me to bring on the show. Subscribe to Voices Unhindered on Spotify or Apple Podcasts to never miss an episode.