The Homeward Podcast
This Podcast is brought to you by Knox Area Rescue Ministries. Our mission is to illuminate the human stories behind homelessness, redefining what 'home' truly means through real voices, honest conversations, and education that fosters empathy, awareness, and action.
The Homeward Podcast
Episode 20: Motherhood in a Homeless Shelter
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Hey everyone, welcome to the Homeward Podcast, the show where we illuminate the human stories behind homelessness, redefine what home truly means through real voices, honest conversation, and education that fosters empathy, awareness, and action. Karma's highly rated by Charity Navigator, recognized as a best Christian workplace and a top workplace, and accredited by the Evangelical Council for Financial Accountability. We are one of 30 rescue missions in the country rated as excellent and distinguished from Citigate. And most recently, we're an Emmy Award-winning organization with our documentary. You can click the link in the show notes to watch it today. I'm your host, Celia Lively, and today I'm on the mic with Whitney Walker. Whitney is like my work sister. If we're ever in meetings together, we can usually exchange an entire conversation with just a look and we know what the other person is thinking. Whitney and I have done events together. We have traveled together. Whitney is CARM's senior director of women's ministry. And like I said, she kind of does a little bit of everything here. But today we'll specifically be talking about moms who are experiencing homelessness, what their life looks like in the shelter setting, and how we work to come alongside them. So, Whitney, welcome to the show. Hey. How are you feeling? Pretty good. Good. Glad to have you here. Thank you. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself for our listeners?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So I um came to CARM, gosh, almost 13 years ago. Wow. Um as a part-time cook position. I have a background in culinary. And really at the time that I moved here, um, I had just had my first son and uh just really felt that the Lord was calling me to do something different where I was working at the time. It was really just consuming too much of my time. And I really just felt like God was telling me you need to find a better balance. And I didn't know what that answer was. And um, but through um a longer story than we have to tell now, um, I landed at CARM part-time. And um, once I got here, I really just fell in love with the ministry and what we do. And I found that um what I came in doing of cooking for people and thinking that being able to offer my skill as a cook was really neat. I found that actually God changed that and being able to work directly with our guests um was really where I found a lot of passion um and energy in life. And so um throughout my time here, I have held many positions. True. Um, and this has been my most current um, and I've loved it. So I've been in this role since November of 24.
SPEAKER_00Wow. So amazing. So we wanted to talk about moms today because May is Mother's Day, and I feel like when we tried to schedule this before, you were like, hey, speaking of being a mom, I'm actually gonna miss work that day because I'm gonna be at my kids' field day program. So all the mom things happen in the month of May. So can you tell us about your family and your mom? Can you tell us about your kids, stuff like that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so I um am a mom of two wonderful boys, uh 13 and seven. So those are fun ages. Um, they don't fight at all. And uh they they never have a disagreement. That's great. Um and yeah, they are both super active in sports. Um, I've been married to my husband for 19 years this year. Um, and so um, but yeah, they're super active in sports. So we are constantly on the go um and juggling things, and you're 100% correct. I was like, yeah, we have field day. Um speaking of mom things, which uh that was yesterday and that was a fun day.
SPEAKER_00So I love it. What's your favorite part about being a mom?
SPEAKER_01My favorite part of being a mom, gosh, it seems so cliche, but honestly, getting to see them do what they love. Like they love to play baseball, they're both super into baseball, they're both super into basketball. Um, those are kind of their two big things. And my oldest is really getting into uh fishing and hunting. Oh, but if I'm not at work, or um that's where I am. I'm at a ball field, I'm on a ball court, um, or I'm sitting in a pond, or occasionally at a deer stand, which I don't enjoy uh the fishing and uh hunting aspect as much. Um, but getting to see them love to do it. Um, I go out there and I hook worms and do all the nasty things. Although my kids think that I don't know how to do those things, but I have to constantly remind them that the the grandfather that has helped teach them is my dad. Right. And he taught me too. Right, you know a thing or two. And so it's a constant thing of uh, do you know how to hook a worm? Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna do it all the time. Right because I don't want to.
SPEAKER_00I don't want to.
SPEAKER_01Um and so, but yeah, getting to see them do what they love to do. Um and then and then also like just getting to see, especially with my older one, man, getting to see him grow throughout the years has just been incredible to watch um, you know, just life lessons here and there. And when something clicks, you just have a moment where you're like, yes, they got it. They got it. And so those are probably the two things that that I love the most about being a mom.
SPEAKER_00That's really sweet. You're a great mom. Your boys are lucky to have you. Thanks. I appreciate that. So, how does being a mom yourself impact your work with moms at CARM?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it is tough. Yeah. Um, I think it's probably tough for anybody to see. Right. I don't think you have to be a mom to see that and have heartache. Right. I do think that when you understand the love that you have for your children, which I don't think anybody can fully understand that until they're in it. Um I do think it brings another level. And I know how hard it is to navigate just the life stuff. Yeah. Um, day to day um with kids um and working. I can't imagine doing that without support or stability. Right. Um, and so when I moved into this role, I knew that it was gonna have an impact um, but I didn't realize um how how much it was going to affect me. Right. Um, and seeing the brokenness um every single day. But it also has, I think, inspired me to want to do better and to give our uh moms that are coming through our door a better opportunity and the best opportunity that we can. Yeah. Um, because they deserve it and those those kids deserve it. Absolutely. Um so yeah, I think that it's it's impacted my role greatly.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think like people when they think of homelessness, they might think of like an older man, beard, sidewalk, cardboard sign at the stoplight kind of thing. You don't always think of mamas and their kiddos, and that life is also happening. You know, homelessness does not look like a one size fits all kind of thing. So, in regards to families, like what pushes, like what what situations would make somebody become without a home? Is it eviction? Is it job loss? Is it cost of child care? Is it domestic violence? I mean, what are you seeing the most of? Yeah. Yes, to all.
SPEAKER_01I agree with what you said, and I think that people don't realize that there's a huge growing um number of homeless women and children uh in in our city. Um it's one of the fastest growing numbers that we're seeing. Um and it's all of that, right? It's affordable housing, it is child care. I mean, childcare is astronomical, yeah. Um, and what it costs. And so if a mom has to choose between sending her kid to child care just so that she can work to pay for the child care, right? It it you can't make that make sense. No, and so they find themselves in these difficult choices, I think, especially single moms, because again, it even with support, it can be difficult. Right when it's single income, single um provider, single person that's taking care of those kids and and responsible for all those things, that's a weight. Yeah. Um, that's like none other. And so not being able to get affordable housing, not being able to get affordable child care that's good quality as well. Um uh, I think those are two things that that we are seeing a lot of, and a lot of the we do see some domestic violence as well. I wouldn't say that that's our biggest um group of ladies that are coming through our doors. Most of them are women who have just found themselves in a very difficult position. Um, they might have been, they may have left a maybe not an abusive relationship, but not a great relationship. Right. But they were relying on that income. Sure. Um, and now they they can't do it on their own. Um rents have increased. Yeah. And so uh if they're on disability or um uh they're not able to pay their rent or their bills anymore. Um, we're seeing more of that, I think, than okay than thanks to.
SPEAKER_00Just like the cost of living going up.
SPEAKER_01Cost of living and and I think again, just that balance of childcare versus um income. You know, if there's multiple kids that are, especially if they're not school aged. Yeah. That makes a big difference as well. Um so that's that's the majority of what we see.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha, gotcha. Is it a lot of first-time homelessness that you're seeing with the moms?
SPEAKER_01I would say that's probably for what we see at 418, it it might be different, like at Serenity. Typically, what we see is people lose their whatever situation they're in, they've lost that and they've been like maintaining somewhere. Oh, that makes sense. So either they've been able to couch surf with friends, or stay in their car, they've stayed in their car, okay, or something along that lines, and they get to a place where there's just really nothing else. They've exhausted every other option that they have at that point. Right. Um, and so they're finally making their way to the door. So they might be first time, most of the time they've experienced some other uh spell, whether it was large or or small, but okay. Um, but we typically aren't seeing people that are like moving out of an apartment into CARM.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha. Makes sense.
SPEAKER_01There's some kind of transition between.
SPEAKER_00That makes sense. If like people don't wake up and be like, I can't wait to go to CARM today. You know, it's like that's usually the last they've exhausted all the options, kind of like you said.
SPEAKER_01I have gotten calls though since we opened, um, where someone is trying to be proactive and they've said, Hey, I have, you know, another 30 days in my apartment, but I I can't afford it past this. Um, and I've already called, like I'm on lists, I've done all these things, right? But the timing just isn't right. Um, is there space for us in between? So I do get some of those calls, but they're they're less.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Gotcha.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Are the kids, are they mostly babies toddlers? Are you seeing school age? Like, what do you typically see, or is it a mix? It's a mix. It's a mix.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it it really is. It it just depends. Um it's probably, I would say, like a 60-40 baby to uh babies being 60% of our kids, um, 40 being school aged. Gotcha. Um, but yeah, it's definitely a mix.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. In the documentary for our listeners, the most recent documentary, they can see you in the show, and they can also see one of our moms who was in the program at that time. It was Nina, and she had a little baby. Yeah. Um, so how did she come about? Like, how did that happen? She kind of shares her story a little bit in the documentary so you don't have to go into everything, but was she on the wait list and she had come in?
SPEAKER_01And yes, if I remember correctly, with her story, um, she had experienced homelessness as a single person, like prior to having her baby. And so she knew about CARM. Okay. Um, and so she had come um and we were operating on the list. And the wait list, um, I don't want to get too far off your question, but I do want to point this out because the wait list can be very daunting. Yeah. Um, you know, we when we originally opened up, our goal was to have um like a 30-day stint. Well, and we talk about this in the documentary. Right. Well, at one point, our wait list, if we allowed everybody on our wait list to stay 30 days, we would have been over, I think it was two years. Jeez, is what it was.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and so that can seem really daunting. But the weird thing about the wait list too is you when you get an available spot and you start calling down, you know, it might not be that many because people have had to find other spots. Um, or, you know, something's happened. So sometimes when you're calling down that wait list, you're able to check off several. And that's kind of what happened with her. She was on the wait list and we had several people in front of her. Um, and the very next day uh we had someone move out and we started working that wait list, and it just worked out to where the timing was perfect for her. Yeah. And we were able to get her in. I think it was the day after, or maybe the next day that she came in. Yeah. It was real quick, uh-huh. Um, which was a little bit uncommon. Um, but I don't think it was by coincidence. Right. Um, and so she, yeah, so she spent a little bit of time with us um and we were able to help her transition into a better, um, like long-term placement.
SPEAKER_00So wow. What do you think people misunderstand about moms who are in a shelter or who are in a program, or what's the biggest misunderstanding maybe that the community would have?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think that I don't know, sometimes I think that people assume that maybe they're lazy or that they don't care.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, or that even maybe that they're making a bad choice because they're bringing their kids into a shelter environment. But I always tell mamas, don't ever be ashamed of walking through our doors with your kiddos, because you're actually making the best decision for them with the circumstances that you have. That's a very brave thing. It's a very brave thing. And if you're if your choice is between sleeping in your car, potentially under a bridge or wherever that might be versus coming into our shelter. Although I understand that our block can seem very sure intimidating and scary, um, we've worked really hard to provide a safe space for everybody in our that comes through our doors, but especially our moms and our kids. And we've worked really hard to try and make that space feel very homey and comfortable so that kids aren't as fearful. And so I always tell mamas, you're making the best, the best decision that you can to take care of your kids, to get them into a safe environment. Um, and so don't ever feel shame in that. Right. Don't ever feel shame in that. Um, and and the reality too is when you have a little, they're not even gonna remember being there. Right. Um, and so you will, and I understand that that is And it's part of your story. It's part of your story, and I understand that that's hard, but um, you making the choice to come in and to take time to to get yourself into a better space financially or whatever that means for you, um, especially for the little ones, you're gonna be able to walk out of here.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, and and they're only gonna know the story because you tell it. For the older kids, it can be different. Yeah. Um, and it is different. Um, but the beautiful thing is a lot of the meetings that we have with those moms, a lot of times their kids are around because we don't have a ton of space. And so we're meeting in the family space or they're coming into the office. So they're also getting to hear that about how brave their mama is for, you know, for choosing to to to say yes to help. Right. Um, and so yeah, I think that the thought that a mom might be doesn't care enough or hasn't worked hard enough or hasn't tried hard enough to provide for her kids, it's just not true.
SPEAKER_00That's not true. It's just not true. And that's not fair to make that assumption either. And could you describe the family space for us? So what does it look like? It's not like we have our like dorm setting, and then we have a family space. So could you walk the listeners through? And we'll link pictures in the show notes, but can you walk us through like the living room and the rooms?
SPEAKER_01And so it's kind of like an apartment if you can envision an apartment. Um, so you walk in, there's uh like a living area with a little kitchenette. Um, and that space is like a common space. There's two bedrooms. Um, each of those bedrooms have enough space to have a mom and up to three kids, um, is what we say, um, depending on like what the bed needs are. Yeah um and so each we can occupy two moms, okay, or two families, if you will, um, in that space, and then they share that living room space. And in each one of those rooms, we've put like home style furniture. Right. Right. So there's real beds with real dressers, there's a headboard, there's a footboard, there's nightstands, there's dressers to be able to put their clothes away. Right. Um, while this is the temporary space for them, we want it to be their home and we want, especially for the kids, we want them to feel secure. Right.
SPEAKER_00Um a sense of normalcy.
SPEAKER_01Yes, sense of normalcy. Um, again, like in the living room, we have a sofa, we have chairs, we have a little play area for kiddos. Um, and we have uh a table, dining room table and chairs where kids can eat or do their homework. Um, and then like I said, that little kitchen, kitchen area with a microwave and a um refrigerator. Um, because sometimes mamas need uh you know extra space. They're they can they get their meals provided through the shelter, uh-huh, but you know, they need other things.
SPEAKER_00They need a little thing of mac and cheese.
SPEAKER_01They need mac and cheese, they need some milk, cereal, cereal, all the things. And then there is a bathroom that is shared by uh by them. Um so everything that they need is right there in that um area where they're able to do all their things. The only thing that they come out, the only need that they would come out for is laundry, but we have a designated time that those mamas can go and utilize our laundry space. Right.
SPEAKER_00So they can wash all their kiddo's things in their four-year-old is in a room with 200 people. That's right. It's a private setting. And we've not broken this news on the podcast yet, but it is in our documentary. Whitney said that we have two family spaces in our new women and children's campus that is currently being built. We'll have 20 rooms and maybe 25, hopefully. Maybe. Um, but that's something that's really exciting too, that we'll be able to serve even more than what we currently can. And that's such a need in our area. And I know we have listeners all over, and so I'm sure that's a need in their areas too. But we're rising up to meet that need because these mamas and these kiddos deserve it, right? Yes. Man, that's I'm I get chilled every time I think about that. Like that that makes me really excited.
SPEAKER_01It's one of my favorite floors to go visit when I go over there. Agreed. Um, that one and the main one. Yes. But but there's something about that, the floor that we uh are saying is gonna be that space for them. There's just something you can look at it and see there's something special that's coming for this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So listeners, come back in two years and we'll be talking about the new space. So, what part of motherhood becomes hardest when you don't have stability?
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh.
SPEAKER_00Um I feel like being a mom is hard. I'm not a mom, and so I don't know.
SPEAKER_01So that was actually what I was about to leave with. Let's just start with just being a mom. Very difficult.
SPEAKER_00It seems really hard.
SPEAKER_01It is, it is, it is, whoo. Um yeah, it's a lot. And it and and I said that at the beginning, I can't even imagine how these moms do it without like before they come to us. Yeah. You know, once they get in our doors, there's a little bit of taking a breath, right? There's a little bit of their shoulders dropping, a little bit of an exhale to to know that okay, every day I can come back here. Right. Every day I don't have to worry about how I'm gonna feed my kids. I don't know how they manage that. Me either. When they can't provide that. And I've had moms that come to me that their kids have never missed a day of school even though they've been homeless. Wow. And I and I'm like, well, you're you're the rock star. Right. Because my kid was late, you know. Last week. Right. Just because I, you know, could we couldn't get our stuff together out the door. And I'm like, and you're juggling all that. And so I think just not, you know, not having that stability um to be able to um just get into a routine. Yeah. Um, because kids, you know, kids are people, but kids are great with you with routine. Um, and I think uh I it would be really hard to maintain that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um in in homelessness.
SPEAKER_00Right. I'm glad you brought up routines. So I'm thinking like if a school-aged kid comes through, I know we had one kiddo named Cameron months and months and months ago, but he did like a little interview with us. And I just think if him, I've he was in school. When does he do his spelling words? And when is homework taking place? And like, how do those routines change when somebody is at CARM versus when they're maybe living out of their car or couch surfing? Like, what does that look like for our moms?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I I think that again, like just having that space that we created, it gives them the the space to be able to sit down and do homework and those kind of things. And and the moms that we've had are, you know, very that have had the school age kids, they're very involved. Yeah. Um, and so they're helping them with their study words or spelling words, what whatever that might be. One of the cool things I saw um not too long ago, I was walking through the wing and one of our guest services staff member used to be a teacher. Oh um, I don't I don't remember, I think it was middle school, is what she taught, but she they were sitting at the wing desk, you know where that's it, kind of tucked away in the back. Uh-huh. Um, and she was sitting there with with the kid, and mama was sitting there too, and she was like basically helping tutor him or help him with his math and work because they needed a little extra help. Yeah. And she was like, hey, I this is what I did. Wow. And so she stepped in and so she helped. So it's really cool to be able to see those things happen. Um, and it's just so important for kiddos and their confidence and to be able to do well, right? Um, and so to be able to lend that support in that way, which is honestly something that when we did this space, I never even thought of. No. Like I never thought, oh, well, our extended staff will just help kids with their homework. Right. And there it was happening in it was so it was so amazing.
SPEAKER_00I was like, this is And you probably never even asked that staff member to do that. No, that's just like the heartbeat of our staff is see a need, fill a need. Oh, I used to do this for work. I'm gonna step in. It was greatest thing. Now, if I was tutoring somebody in math, that would not be a good situation for anyone. So I'm glad we have somebody who can do that. Yeah, I have a yeah, my oldest, the seventh grader, I I can't help. Yeah, not my journey. You need spelling words, I'm your girl, but a math problem, we're both lost. Yeah, I'll cheer you on.
SPEAKER_01And I don't think school was the same as when we were in school. No, I'm just gonna tell you because the stuff he brings home, I'm like, never this is not what I did. This is not the math I did, and I don't understand how it's changed.
SPEAKER_00It's made up, it feels made up.
SPEAKER_01I don't know, allegedly. So yeah, it's wild. But yeah, so it was it's just a really beautiful thing to be able to see those things happen just so naturally.
SPEAKER_00Right. So that you just make it work. Yeah. That's really cool. Are the resources harder to secure for moms, like housing or benefits, or does that change, or is that about the same for a single woman? I think it depends.
SPEAKER_01It it can it can help, but I think sometimes where we run into the problem is space. So, you know, um, and I I'm definitely not the housing expert um when it comes to this, but I I think it's probably fair to say that a lot of the um income-based housing that we would have in Knoxville is more geared for a single individual than a family. There are like very specific family designed income-based housing for sure. Um but uh so when you when you're a mama that has three kiddos, a one-bedroom apartment. That's not gonna work. That's not gonna work. Yeah. Um, it might if it's a little baby, if it's a little baby in a mama that might work temporarily. But if you have two or three kids, you're just not gonna be able to do that. So um it really just depends. Um, and there's you know, there's different resources um in Knoxville that are specific for families, but um there's just a lot of barriers that go into them. Transportation, I mean, there's just a lot of different things, you know. I I would say less than 10% of our moms, and again, my math isn't good. We just talked about that, but I would say less than 10% of our moms don't have transportation. It's very rare that we have someone that actually has a vehicle. Wow.
SPEAKER_00And then you think a car seat and a thing, like that's just a lot that goes into it.
SPEAKER_01Well, even just going to the grocery store. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you're just to go to Kroger if you don't have transportation, you're talking taking your kid or kids on a cat bus to Kroger, which for us is not that far. Right. But that easily could be a two complicated two-hour or more trip. Yeah. Where you and I needing to go to Kroger, even with my two kids being able to load them up in a vehicle. Right. What was a two-hour trip is now 20, 30 minutes. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, it's it's it's just that much more complicated. Yeah. Do you guys partner with any other resources in Knox, Knoxville, Knox County?
SPEAKER_01Uh, I wouldn't say that we partner necessarily, but we do work very closely with a lot of different places. Uh-huh. I mean, we all um um Morgan, who oversees our care coordination team, um, and that's that's something too. I I don't know if I mentioned this, but um, when a mama is staying in our family unit, they are working with our care coordination team. Um, and so they are immediately assigned one of um one of our care coordinators um who are much have much more knowledge about like the area's resources and those things. Yeah. Um even more than me. And so they're working with them every single day to figure those things out. Um and Morgan has great relationships with contacts throughout school. Um, and we were actually working with uh another organization yesterday to help them on the um that that had landed in our shelter over that came in late. Gotcha.
SPEAKER_00Um so if somebody's listening to this episode right now and it's really tugging at their heartstrings, what do you think would be the best thing for them in a way to support families in a shelter? I know we have like our Amazon list. Is it volunteering? Is it prayer? Is it making eBed cards? Like what would you say would support kids and families the most?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Our Amazon list is great because sometimes, a lot of times, um our moms may not have any income at that moment. Like in the very beginning, we work towards employment if that's an option, what whatever their path is is what we're working towards. But in the very beginning, a lot of times people come to us, they don't have anything. Yeah. And so we're providing diapers, we're providing all the things that they need for day-to-day life, hygiene items, baby wipes, baby wipes, baby wipes. I mean, yeah, if you've ever, if you had a baby, you know how many wipes and diapers you're going through. It's a lot. Yeah. Um, and so we're providing those things for them. Yeah. Um, and so uh, yeah, our Amazon list is great. Um, you know, one of the things that that we would love to see um is is uh a growth in our volunteer piece, um, specifically for our moms, whether that's to help with transportation or to do like a discipleship program with them. Um and we do have our aftercare program for when they uh or for when anyone at CARM, but families get to be a part of that as well for when they transition out into their housing. Um, but um to have so to have more ladies to be able to be a part of that and follow along with them. But how great it would be if we could have volunteers that step in in the beginning, right, um, and then be able to follow them out. Yeah. Um, you know, and our aftercare stays with people for a year. Right. Um, and so to have that relationship going into that and continue it would be would be amazing. And then we also, you know, we want to be able to grow in our uh classes that are specific for walmas. Yeah. Um, and so um uh volunteers for that would also be very much welcomed.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. I was at my friend's house this past week and she said, Hey, she has a baby, and she said, Hey, he actually has grown out of this size of diapers, and we have several bags that are not opened. Could you take those to work? And I was like, Yes, absolutely. So she sent me out with two Walmart bags of wipes and diapers that her kid doesn't need anymore because he grew out of that size, and so that's a very tangible way. Yes, somebody could help of just oh, like she didn't have to buy anything extra. They were left over and sent them on.
SPEAKER_01And I guarantee you every person that's ever had a baby has experienced that because one minute they're in a one and the next day they're in a two, and you're like, I just bought the I just bought the ones. So yeah, I think that that's a really, a really good way to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_00And if somebody's listening who doesn't live in Knoxville, find your local shelter. They probably have the exact same need. Absolutely. And if you're in Knoxville, call me and I will come get them and I will handle it for you. But I also think you said the volunteer thing. I have this vision of in a couple years when we're in our new women and children's campus. I would love to have summer camp for the kids and to have volunteers come in. I came from a summer camp background, I bring that energy to the party. I would love that of like we're playing field day games and we're outside and we're in green space and we're having teams and just all that kind of stuff. Like, I think that would be so fun to have a popsicle Friday or water day or just some that meant so much to me as a kid. Imagine doing that here. And so again, call us in two years when we have this new campus and yeah, we'll run a summer camp. Absolutely, I love it.
SPEAKER_01And again, it just for me it goes back to that support, right? Yeah, I keep going back to that because I know how important it is for me and my family. Right. You know, I have a spouse, I have two amazing parents that live five doors down from me. Right. Um, and so they're literally a phone call away to help with a school pickup or to help get someone to point eight from point A to point B or to help with homework when you know I'm I'm tied up here, whatever that might be, right? You know, I have that. And and again, parenting is still difficult, right? Even with all that. Even with. And so a lot of the times when our moms come in, again, we talk about this a lot at CARM. It's like people aren't coming to us because they're just they want to come. Right. They're coming because we're their last option. Right. We're their last stop. Yeah. At that point, even when there's a bad day, there's not anybody typically to pick up the phone and to just honestly vent to. Right. Or to cry to. Yeah. Or to be able, you know, to just be overwhelmed with. Right. Um and and those moms are trying to hold it together for their kids, as most of us do. Right. Um, but we're able to do that because we uh have support in places. Yeah. Um, and so to have that in in a volunteer, um, and again, because I've had a few positions, you know, the the last position I came from was our a new life, yeah. Um uh long-term residential program. And we started doing some discipleship there with uh one-on-one volunteers um where they would come in and work with a a gentleman one-on-one. Yeah. And maybe that maybe that volunteer would work with five or six gentlemen. Yeah. But in that moment, whoever they were with, it was just them. It's just the two of them. It was just so they could do a Bible study, right? They could just have intentional conversation. Yeah. Um, and I just saw how much it influenced the men in that program. And I have to believe that it would be the same, if not more, for those mamas. Exactly. So that's why I think it would be so cool to see that I totally agree, uh, develop and grow.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. So absolutely. So I have two questions left. One of them is what would your sticky note be? And so your sticky note is if somebody walks away not listening to all the amazing things that you said today, and they just remembered one piece of it and they wrote it down on a sticky note, what would you want that to be?
unknownOh gosh.
SPEAKER_00That's such a good question. My youth pastor used to do it growing up, and so we always remembered a sticky note leaving youth group.
SPEAKER_01Oh gosh. I hope this answers the question because it's been something that has always been so impactful for me. Um, in a situation, oh gosh, this is gonna be more than a sticky note. Hey, that's okay. It could be one of the big sticky notes. That's fine. It's gonna be a post-it pad, like the ones that you like a flip chart. Right. Um to shorten it. It would be encourage mamas specifically, since we're talking about parenthood. Uh, encourage mamas when you see them out, um, and you can tell that there's a struggle. Yeah. So one of the one of the things that that hit me one time, there was uh we were we were traveling on an airplane. It was the first time my my youngest had flew, and I think he was oh gosh, I think he was maybe three at the time. So we were flying to Florida and from Knoxville to Atlanta nailed it. It was great. Right. But from Knoxville to Florida, I'm sorry, from Atlanta to Florida, it was supposed to be his nap time. Well, I was a nervous wreck because we hadn't ever flown flown with him, and I thought he's not gonna take his nap. So um, sure enough, he screamed the entire way from Atlanta to Florida, the entire flight. And I don't know if anybody else has experienced that, but there is nothing that makes you feel like you are standing in a room with no clothes on than a screaming baby on an airplane because you're you're stuck, right? There's nowhere to go. Right. You can't do anything. You're all in the tube in the sky. You're in a tube in the sky, and people are annoyed. Yeah. And um, we we finally landed and we got off the plane, and I was like, and so I went into the bathroom, and this mom came up to me that was on the plane, and she said, You're doing an amazing job. And I it literally brought it still brings tears to my because I don't think that you understand the impact that you can have on people in a brief moment in the in the line of a grocery store. Right. Because we've all been in a situation where we've been in the line of a grocery store and there's been a kid throwing a tantrum and we think, get them together. Right. But what you don't know is what that mom is experiencing. And so just to be able to, to a perfect stranger who doesn't know anything about you, right, to just be like, you're okay. You got this, you're okay, you're doing great. Um, man, I think sorry, I didn't mean to go there on you, but it really you did it. You asked for the post-it. I think, but I think to summarize the post-it would just be to encourage people when you see the opportunity, instead of instead of letting your mind go to right, instead of rolling your eyes, that's right, instead of being like, why isn't this mom have it together?
SPEAKER_00That's right. She might have cried the whole way there. She might have cried the whole way there. And she's gonna cry the whole way back, you know.
SPEAKER_01But she's just trying to get some cinnamon toe scrunch. Right. Um, because it's it's tough. Yeah. It's tough. So absolutely great answer. I don't know if that answers your question or not.
SPEAKER_00Perfectly answers it. And then my last question is I ask everyone this who comes on the show, what does home mean to you?
SPEAKER_01Oh, um, I think home is just where you feel safe, where you feel the place where you can just kind of let your guard down. Yeah. And and breathe and relax. Um, and there's some peace that comes there. Uh, peace, even sometimes in the midst of chaos. Um, because again, like my house is never quiet. Um, there's constantly a basketball game going on, either inside or outside. It could be a laundry basket, it could be whatever. So peace doesn't just mean being quiet and just you know, sitting in this, but just having that feeling of comfort and peace, even in the midst of what chaos may be happening. Um I think that's what that would be for me.
SPEAKER_00When we did the first episode, my answer was um home means that I know where the silverware drawer is. And then I'm not having to like, is it this drawer? Oh no, that's your drawer drawer. Is it where do you keep your garbage can? Like you know where the things are because it's lived in and you've been there and safe, peaceful, whether that's a laundry basket basketball game or not. Like, I like that answer a lot. It just feels very home-y. So thank you so much for joining us on the show today. And to the listeners, thank you for listening, and I will see y'all at home.
