Autism: The Black-sheep" Ft. Tanya

Where everything is up for discussion.

Transcript

0:06

What's up, y'all? My TikTok innocent. This is another episode of Podcast 1001. And we have a special guest in the building. We have my cousin Tanya. Great. Yes, one of my favorite cousins are in the building. Um, this episode is gonna be a very deep episode. We are talking about autism, the black sheep. I call it the black sheep because that's how we treat it. Um, but it's just a regular old sheep. It's just a regular old sheep. It's the tism. We could, we could, it I feel like because it is a little bit more common now, you know, it was a little taboo before. Yeah. Now which is so crazy because we I I heard a lot of people talk about, oh, you know, there's so many people on spectrum now. Why everybody got autism now? Baby, they been had it. It just wasn't a name for it. It wasn't a name for it. And also, I feel like, especially in our community, they weren't going to get diagnosed. No. You know? No. Ain't nothing wrong with you. You bad. Right. It took a lot of them. They're not knowing that I need support. Yeah. Like, yeah. So yeah. And I wonder, even if they, even if they did get diagnosed back in the day, there probably weren't gonna be a lot of resources for them. Yeah. Because there weren't any established, like, oh, it's since there's no name for it, there's no way to even with now, like my son will be 22 this year. I've seen so like it has gotten so progressive. Like, there is my homegirl told me, Oh, yeah, because I have to make an appointment from a I'm not gonna say her name, her daughter to see the specialist. What special? Oh, there's an autism specialist. Yeah. I'm like, oh, we never saw no sp like we saw a behavior. There's no specific specialist for autism. I don't, I feel like so the resources have gotten a little bit better, yeah, um, easier to get. Yeah. In some cases, I'm not gonna say all. Yeah, but yeah, definitely a little bit more. Okay, so um, I'm not gonna say his name on camera, just out of respect. Um, but uh, like you mentioned, you do have a son, my cousin, who's just an amazing person. I'm gonna start with that. He's an amazing person. Um, he has autism, he's on the spectrum. Um, so I'm just gonna jump right into the questions. Um, when did you first notice your son might be developing differently than you? I would say um around age two, because he wasn't really saying too much. Okay. So it was like, okay. And you know, I was taking him to the doctor, asking questions. We were going for every milestone visit, you know, um, asking questions. And I remember one appointment, they were like, well, you know, kids develop at their own pace. Don't worry about it. When we come in for your, I think it was like a year apart. When we come in next year, we can, you know, access. I had them tell me he was gonna be deaf. I'm like, my baby. Really? Initially, yeah. Yeah, get that out of that. Because he wasn't verbal. He wasn't talking. But I'm like, I But you can call his name and be like, he'll be. I'm like, I know my son can hear. But that is a thing with um autism too. Like, they don't make direct eye contact. Sometimes they don't respond, like stone cold be sitting talking to you, and we'll ignore you. So it's a thing. Like, okay, so I'm like, I but I know he's not deaf because my baby loves music. Yeah, yeah. He's making beats, yeah, right. He's hearing things on the radio or whatever that he's like, and he's you know? So I'm like, I don't think it's that. Like, I don't think it's that. That was at age two. It wasn't until four when he got diagnosed. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Um do they, and I'm just asking because I don't know. When he's diagnosed, do they tell you like Okay, he's on the spectrum, but he's this or he's this. So is there other like you know when he got diagnosed? His official diagnosis then, and this came from the regional center, which is one of the resources, um, his official diagnosis was autism with mild retardation. Okay? Broke my heart because who wants to hear that? Yeah. But now that I'm, you know, like I said, it's got progressive. Now there's level this, level one, level two, high functioning. And they use the term retardation. It's that's on his paperwork. That's crazy. That's what was on his paperwork from the psych eval, from the actual doctor, yeah. That's so crazy. Crazy. Because uh, you know, now we don't use that word. We don't, yeah. Um but like when I think of retardation, the way it was categorized back then, you know. No. Y'all don't know my cousin, but yeah, that he don't give that. He don't give that. He didn't get spectrum, but he don't give that. I think maybe so then, because again, he was still not Xavion didn't become like fully verbal till he was like almost seven. Maybe a little, maybe a little longer than that. I'm old now, my memory bad, but I'm trying to think because when I was watching him the few times when he was younger, I remember I'd watched him a couple times. I I I don't even I don't even because it was so you know how you're around a kid for so long? If they're non-verbal, that's just the norm. So I don't even think I was remembering or realizing that, oh, he wasn't talking. He wasn't talking, but he was still communicating with me. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, he can get his point across for sure. Wow, that's crazy. Okay. Yeah. Um Wow, okay. Um, what was the process like getting a diag a diagnosis? Because if you started noticing that too, why two years later did it was it you that was lagging or was it them? Oh, actually, it was a friend of the family who worked with kids on the spectrum and kids with disabilities. And she was frequently coming over, and then one day she just pulled me to the side, like, I think you need to get him tested. And you know, I didn't take it no kind of way because I knew at this point my baby is four, so I know something is up, right? Um, and she told me what to do, who to go, like take him down to the regional center and uh tell them you want to schedule an evaluation and all of the things, and that's what we did, and was diagnosed at age four. I wanna say I think my dad took me. Oh, okay. Yeah, okay. I wanna say don't you start crying? Don't start crying, but I believe my dad was with me because I'll tell you who it was after. Okay, I don't want to say their name again. Okay, yeah. Okay. Um how did you feel in those earlier days when you found out? What was literally going through your head when you heard the diagnosis, when you saw what it was on a paperwork, and then after that? You have to also remember I was a teen mom. Yeah. So my baby is four, I'm 21. I'm still trying to grasp parenting. Yeah. You know? Now I have to try to navigate a child with a disability. I don't know what that looks like. At this point, I don't think I knew anybody that had disabled or either mentally or physically disabled children. So I didn't have anybody to call and you know, reference to or whatever. Yeah. It was hard. And then, like I said, coming from the black household, wrong with his ass. Yeah. Like, no, something wrong with my baby. Yeah. And and not in a negative way. I feel like I accepted it, but I wasn't gonna let it defeat him. Right. Like I wasn't gonna let that be his end-all be all, you know? Right. Especially from them telling me that he was gonna be deaf and he would never tell me, like, all of those things, like, okay, let's show him. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And I can definitely say now at 22, he has. Yeah. Okay. That boy ain't now bitter death. Yeah. He's actually, he's actually a country singer. Um, I remember when he was younger. I will never forget this one time in particular. I will never forget it. I came to your house. It was early in the morning, and I would come and watch him while you were at work for a few hours. And I went to your house and I was laying down on your couch, and I was watching Love and Hip Hop. That's how old Love and Hip Hop is, y'all. This is years ago. And the baby um had came up to me and took my phone, and I ain't thinking nothing of it because he can't get in my phone. Baby. Not only did he get, and I always like thought to myself, okay, how did he even know what the code was? Didn't y'all was so smart. Oh, he can figure out anything. He got it to my phone, took some pictures, brought me my phone back. It ain't even about being smart. That's sneaky. Now, and I always be like, autism is not a disability, it's a superpower. Oh, it is! It's a superpower. I had his teacher tell me one time, he cracked the computer. You know, the teacher computer? He went and got in her computer. They have a 16-digit alphanumeric password. You know how when you do something and they be like, you want to use this drone password? A, B, R, C, Q, D, D. 16 and memorized it off of seeing it one time. Yeah. And cracked in her company. I said. So he probably, while you wasn't looking, saw what I put in. And his eyes are at Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all he needed that one time. That's fine. When I come over, if he walks out the room, he don't even got to turn his head to look at me. Like, literally, like if I walk in the house, he'll be like, What's up? You know what I mean? Halex. Yeah. That hand go Halex. Real fast. Okay. Um, were there moments where you felt unhurt or dismissed in uh medical or school settings by the time he starts going to school? And now you have to let them know what it is. I have to think back because he's a grown man now. So I feel like we did go through a little bit of a hiccup in middle school with trying to get him like one-on-one support. And then I just had to go through some extra loops and hoops to go through the district and all the things. And that's something that is going on with other, you know, all kinds of resources, not just the special needs kids. You got to advocate for them. And then also they didn't want to pay somebody to outsource to bring somebody in. So they were using regular teacher aids, who don't know how to work with goddamn atypical children. Exactly. So they didn't want to outsource and pay for the specialist or, you know, but I think I ended up having to get like an LAUSD lawyer, whatever it was, it was free. I didn't have to pay for it. Okay. Um, but she came. I remember meeting her at Starbucks. Yeah. And and going over all the things. And I got a letter in the mail. And then it took like two weeks after, and he had a one-on-one. Was he in the same classrooms as the other children? That came when did they integrate him into regular classes? I want to say high school. I can't remember if it was like that from middle school, but I know for sure high school. Okay. Because when he graduated from the eighth grade, he was going to Washington. That was the school. I don't know why. They sent him all the way down to Washington. That's not where we you know where we lived on the east side right now. Okay. Um, he went there probably for like a month. They called me, they said, he don't need to be here. He knows I was like, oh. Well, you can't just put him in. Yeah. This is what we go. You can take him down to your homeland and register him, and he can be in so he was in high school for sure. Yeah. I can't remember middle school, but I know for sure high school regular classes. Yeah. Um do you feel like there were enough resources or representation for families that look like yours? Were there other, like in his school, other kids on the spectrum that were black? Yes. Okay. I remember seeing uh a and that's funny because she remembered me and I didn't remember her, but it was because of Xavion. Yeah. They know Xavion from a mile away. Um they went to the same elementary, I believe, and then they ended up at the same high school, some kind of way. And she said something, and I was like, you know, now you do look familiar. Yeah. So there were other um black autistic children. I don't know the severity, you know, because again, autism is a spectrum. Yeah. But I do remember seeing some similar faces, like from schools or classes or whatever. So I was like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like now I see more. Like I have at least 10 friends that have autistic children. Yeah. And I feel like I was in the OG class because my baby is a grown man. Like, so now my I have a friend that has twins that are autistic. My best friend, her oldest, one one of my best friends, her oldest daughter is autistic. Like, it's just more, it's it's familiar now. Yeah. I like that you said familiar. That's a good word for it. I um I I like how normalized we're making uh autism because a lot of people are on the spectrum and they they need to be diagnosed and we need to get them resources and we need to know how to properly help them and aid them in their development so that they are on an even playing field as much as possible. Yeah. But I also want to know your and this isn't on the car, but I want to know your take on like people being too eager to diagnose their children. Oh, okay. When they're going somewhere else. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm just thinking of um, because and I'ma speak from my experience, because that's all I can speak from. But I also see this with other people and other mothers, like other friends that I have and stuff like that. Um, and on my mommy vlogs, you know, with my baby, she got her words late. Okay. And in the beginning, you know, I was calling you like, I think she on the thing. You know, and I was diagnosing her. And I had a speech therapist come, and we had her at regional too. And they kept saying, get her out of here. Like, she just ain't talking. And I'm like, y'all don't know what I'm dealing with at home. Not only is she not talking, but this is happening, this is happening. And they were like, no, bye. Like, bye. Um, and so I don't know if I'm really asking you a question, or maybe I'm just making a statement to mothers or parents out there who are seeing their children develop differently because, like you said, it is a spectrum. So all kids develop differently at their own pace in their own time. And being on the spectrum doesn't mean that it that's automatically a speech delay. Or that doesn't mean there's so many other things that your child can be too fully functioning adults who are married and have kids. I just discovered a lady, I don't know, you know, where her big following is, but I see her on Instagram, and she talks about being a a mom, the an autistic mom with autistic children. Yeah, yeah. So like it's a spectrum. Like some people remain nonverbal. Yeah. Their whole, like, I want to say, growing up, I knew one person that had autism, and that was a foreword. And this is when people were saying it wrong. They were saying artistic. Right? The old folks call it art. Artistic. And he was non-verbal, and we, you know, I was a kid then, so I just really never understood. Like, yeah, still to this day, non-verbal. Yeah. Yeah. So some it it it depends. Like, I've seen people on the good old Ticket-Talk. Yeah. I feel like TikTok was my community. I need to go back to TikTok. But um, that got diagnosed in adult ages. Yeah. Yeah. And they're been like, damn, I knew something was off this whole time. Yeah, yeah. You think people do you think some people are using it as a crutch though? They can. I feel like I think it's a I I do believe a lot of people. My son use it as a crutch sometimes. I think a lot of people are on the spectrum, but I also think because it's sometimes I feel like people make it a fad now. It's the new cool thing. It's the new cool thing. Like, oh, I'm on the spectrum. I bet you're done. Yeah. You need to be slapped. You're not on the spectrum. And then what Tony said, you need your ass beat. Right. You know what I mean? I, you know, I think some people use it as a crutch, and I think we need to reserve the autism spots for the autism people and get properly diagnosed. And also, like, wait for your kid to exhibit hardcore, unrefutable signs. Yeah. And again, I'm just speaking really to myself. I I had to wait it out and not be so eager to get her diagnosed because she just simply had a speech delay. Yeah. And now she's talking, and now I'm like, oh, okay, you cool. You're you're perfectly fine. I thought the same thing with my youngest. So I feel like because my oldest was autistic and I have two other kids. Yeah. So then when number two came, it was like I was on the lookout. Like I was watching everything. When is he gonna walk? When is he gonna talk? And he did everything. Like, but you know, I will say the other milestones, like Xavier walked at the at when he was supposed to walk, he crawled, he did all of the other things. It was just a you know, plateau. But seeing then my other son, I'm like, okay, I'm watching him, I'm watching him. Like, okay, see, I'm I'm worried. Yeah, like okay, develop just fine. But then with my youngest, I was a little afraid too. And it's so funny, I always be laughing because his dad be like, he acts just like Xavier. He acts just like Xavier. He's not he's not on the spectrum. He, you know, I feel like, and then now there's a routine test you have to take when you're uh right before two, I think. Yeah, and they give you a nothing wrong with that boy. Yeah. Um, but he was a little slow with his words, also. Yeah. And then also, you know, my youngest son had plagiocephaly, where he had to wear the helmet. Oh, I'm like, damn, is it me? Shut up. I'm not doing something, though. I got bad stuff. But you're crazy. No, that's you know, that literally come, old folks be like, you got to massage that baby head. My baby was a breastfed baby, and he his head shaped to the nook of my arm because that's where he was at the time. So yeah, it's nothing, you know, and I just kids will talk when they want to talk. And I feel like they said that about Xavier, but I it just in the pit, like no, you just knows I know something. Now, for the little one, nothing wrong with you. Right. He and he, like you said, he's talking. Now you don't show you, right, right. Um what advice would you give to other parents uh dealing with EIPs or special education? IEPs. IEPs are not just for EIPs, I mean. What no, IEP. It's IEP. Oh, and I have it, I re I wrote it back right now. It's okay. You're a little dyslexic. Girl, I'm on the spectrum with IEP. She's no uh IEPs are for everybody. You can have a perfectly normal child who needs an IEP. Yeah. What's an IEP? An IEP is an individualized education plan. Yeah, I believe. Yeah. No, no, don't quote me. Yeah, but I think that's what it is. So it all that basically means is your kid learns a different way. Yeah. They need different resources for them to excel. So for instance, my second child has an IP, and his is because I think he needs he's more visual. Like he needs more visual things and he needs more time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's not necessarily something that's just for the autism or the special needs community. It's just that I need to do this so that you can excel. Like for Xavion, I keep saying my baby name. I know I wasn't gonna say it's baby. Big dude! Um He needed more like test taking time. So when it was time to take tests and stuff, they would isolate him because you know Xavion stems yeah all the time. Yeah so that he wouldn't be a disturbance to the other kids and he had time to concentrate, they would set him in. I love his stimming though, because there's music involved. There's music and you're gonna get a motherfucking tone. Girl. And he has a nice deep voice. He does. Okay. He has an evolution an evolution of his stimm. It depends on But he does sing very loudly. Yeah. I was gonna hit his note, but I ain't gonna do him like that. I ain't gonna do him like that. He has TV shows that he stems. And you know, I had to catch on after a while because he would be talking shit to me through his stemming. Are you serious? So if I tell him something, it's a TV quote or something, the the something, I don't remember the instance, but I told him something. He was like, I can what did he say? This is hell on earth or some shit like that. And I was like, What you say? And then he started doing the rest of the dialogue. I'm like, oh, okay, he's stemming. Yeah. Oh, okay. Thought we was finna get like that. Like, hold on. But yeah, he stems, and I've grown to fine-tuning. Like, yeah. Oh, he just hurts. Okay. So you have to learn the difference between the two. Sometimes he be in there stressed out. Yeah. And he just needs to get it off. But other times, like now, he's in a cycle of baseball. Okay. So he's also a sports reporter, too. You know that? So once the Dodgers won, when did they win? Last year. It don't matter. Oh, and it did. Yeah. He's been uh replaying that game and the commentary since they won. For real? It's a Dodger nation in my house, baby. Oh my god. So now baseball season has started over, so I get a little, it's a little more lax, but he's going up for the games. But he's always been a sports baby. Yeah. And he don't discriminate. He'll commentate on golf if he can. He's like that. Did he play a sport? No. No. And you, his physique, you would think. Because he's built, like cut, muscular. You know what it's funny? He'd be in that room, swinging them arms, yelling, pumping. Damn, I need to get on his workout plan. Don't do a lick of hilarious. A lick of anything, but very athletic, very muscular. Yeah. Very handsome. Very handsome. What is your proudest moment with your son? My proudest, I have a lot. I'm very proud. But I will say the proudest moment was watching my baby cross the stage. Okay. Well, not the stage, the field, because their graduation was in the yard. And then my my baby's 18th birthday. His 18th birthday was also the same day as his prom, which was an emotional day because I was also eight and a half months pregnant. Oh, yeah. I was exhausted and all of the things, but I had a nice surrounding of family and friends that was helping me. Not only did he get to celebrate his 18th birthday at prom, he won prom King. Period. Best night of his life. And he still got TikTok in an uproar. Like they're still crying. And oh my god. Like, yes, it was very sweet. He had a nice prom puzzle. My best friend that lives in Vegas, her niece, came down and asked him to go to prom work. It was so cute. It was so cute. And he was so proud. And you know, Xavier, I don't know if you've ever heard Xavion do a speech. I know. A speech or a prayer? Uh uh. Yeah, it's like that. Oh, he prayed down? He prays down. His speech, he just wanted to um pave the way for all the young black folks like and um I forget, but the last thing he said was he wanted to win Prom King. Wow. And he did that. And I was so proud. I was at home crying. Not a manifester. His mom is a manifestor. So we get it, you know, it brought into the family. Um, and I'd like to add to um, I'm pretty sure this is one of your proudest moments, but I'm only adding because I just dropped out a few minutes ago. He got into three colleges. Oh, yes. Yeah. How can I forget that? He did. He got accepted into three Cal State Universities. Yeah. Shout out to Zabe. Shout out to Big Zab. Shout out to Zabe. Um, what do you wish more people knew or understood about autism? That it looks different for everybody. There is no one size fits all. Yeah. Um some people have uh aggressive autistic children. You seen that video for that boy? Chasing his mama thought no, I said now it gets to a point. I love Xavion Down, but you're not gonna be uh whooping on me. I ain't gonna be. Because here's the deal. Not no poke. No poe. Here's the deal. I seen that video and it broke my heart because it's really sad. It's sad that you would post that. I'm so sorry. But if I had a moment with my autistic son, baby, it's under wraps, it's in the corner, and I'm not posting it for everybody to see. I feel like because they're seeking community or help, or I don't know. I just for me personally, I'm very selective about the things I post about my son online because I I'm not gonna exploit him for clicks and views. And like I said, I will if y'all come from I I know how to fight. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I don't know. Like that, I feel like it could have been a cry for help. Like, help me. But if it's a cry for help, go out and get the resources. What you gonna do? The people in the comments just gonna be talking shit about you if they were, but then you never know. You might get one comment that's like, oh yeah, I went through this too. And what worked for me and like testimony. Because you've been beating her ass for a long time. I saw that video. He's been beating his mama's ass for a while. And the thing is, is autism is just that. It's just a disability. Yeah. Would you let another disabil uh disabled motherfucker beat your ass? No, yeah. So I'm not saying I'll beat your autistic kid. What I'm saying is there were there were some red flags early on where you could have gotten him the help he needed. To intervene, yeah. To intervene. And like things like how to restrain him. Oh, you wanna fight? You wanna be fighting yourself? You're gonna be You'll be right. Fighting yourself, you're not gonna be hitting me. Yeah. I will say, um, yeah. That mama needs help. Yeah, she needs help. God bless her. But she's not getting her ass beat anymore. Yeah, it's different for everybody. Like, I will say I felt more of a community like going and seeing online, like on TikTok. Because Instagram is is is bougie over there. Yeah, it is. It's fake. Yeah, it is. TikTok, people giving you their real life. This you see my house, yeah, it's dirty. Yeah. Like, right. These kids stressing me out. Like, it's more real over there. Like it's seeing uh, you know, what's the the two adult uh chainbria? Like, see, like, okay, Mama D. Now, Mama Dickie, just not gonna talk about that because I have Okay, yeah. Keep it going, okay. She'd be overstimulating them girls. No, and I thought it was just me. I don't, and that's I was like, okay, but and then it starts to feel like okay, now it's exploitation. It is exploitation now. But also, I think they have a a following, so but it's it should be the the kids who but I don't think they give a fuck about the following. Really? Um girl, the one wants a boyfriend and the other one just want to be left alone. Like she be looking so bothered. Like, please. I wonder if she gets money for like does she get possibly paid for that's probably because she's doing it. I don't know. I'm not in her story. I mean, well, once you're gonna be able to do that. I think she's raised her kids well. I think they dress well, I think they look well, I think they look healthy. Now that's one thing I can say. They don't look like they're unloved at all. You know, they're very well taken care of. She do things with them. She just gets on their nerves. But all of our mamas get on their nerves. Period. So shit. Just because you're autistic to this, you get it too. You get overbearing, getting all in your face, mama too. So okay. Uh what are your biggest hopes for his future? What do you see him doing, you know? In the long run, Xavion, I want him to learn to be fully independent. Yeah. You know, and not that he isn't now, but I want to know that when I'm gone away from this earth, that he can handle his own and he can be okay on his own. Yeah. I feel like first and foremost, that's what that is. Yeah. But also, my boy wants to be a singer. Yeah. I would love for him to be a singer. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And record a record. And it's not far fucking fetched. It's not. This nigga's not on the spectrum making horrible music. Xavion got a chance. Yeah. I had his his music teacher or something, and one of them was just like, he can actually hold a note. Yeah. I was surprised. Yeah. Like, what you thought? I'll start writing that nigga some hooks. I'm telling his drama right now is country though. Like, you gotta write a sad song that he can. Bitch, I can Akey breaky a heart, bitch. Only now for you. Yeah. Okay. We can Aky Breaky some hearts. Um Akey breaking some hearts is crazy. How has your role as a mother evolved over time with your uh kid on the spectrum and then with your other two? So I have been a mom since I was 17 years old. Okay. So like I said, I always tell people I've had my kids at three different phases in my life. I have a 21, soon-to-be 22-year-old on the spectrum. I have a 15-year-old teenager, and a three major. A three. Soon to be four. Right. So they've all experienced me in different, different forms, I'll say. Like I said, and sometimes they've overlapped. Um, but I'm always evolving. I'm always learning because parenting is not a one-size-fits-all either. You can't parent this kid. How do you parent this kid? No matter. I don't realize that until you have that. Until you have multiple. Yeah, I would hear that. But seeing how I am with my girls, I'm like, I gotta be a different bitch with both of them. They still get the same love, but I am a different bitch with both of them. You have to be, yeah. Because they require different things. Yeah. Like some require more attention, some require less. Yeah. Some require more affection. Some require less, you know? So it just you have to steady evolve. And with the with Xavion, I feel like it's a con as he evolves and changes and switch, like I have to too. Yeah. To match his energy. Yeah. What challenges come with having um an autistic child as an adult still in your house? Like what like do you feel like you even still really have to parent him now? And I don't even like parent him, but like don't stop. And then on top of the autism, my son has pika. So for those of you who don't know, yeah. I didn't know that. What he it it depend it varies. I didn't know. He goes through phases of pika too. But that came I want to say around 13. So you do you remember when he was in and out of the hospital? Yeah. I do remember that. Okay, I do remember that. I do remember that. So he got diagnosed with that on top of that. And then last year they diagnosed him with ADHD on top of the autism and pica. So it's a constant give and go. So I'm um constantly learning. I'm I'm open to new things. Like I know that I can't parent him in the traditional way that we like we were parenting. Yeah. Like these are just some new kids, it's new times. And you gotta do what works for you. Yeah. And that's what I'm trying to do. For sure. For sure. Um what would you tell a mother who just got news of her child um diagnosed with autism? With autism. What would you tell her? Um it's not the end of the world. Yes. It's not the end of the world. Because I remember being sad, like heartbroken when I found out. But again, autism is a superpower and you learn that. Yeah. Like, and what you see for autism on your friend's kid or a kid on TV or the internet or whatever, that doesn't mean that's gonna be your story. So just try not to compare your journey. Um, get as many resources as you feel your child needs to see fit and all advocate for them. Yeah, advocate for them all the time because if they are non-verbal or, you know, they can't always express, but then and then some people will write you off too. Like, you know, you can't that is a big one. Yeah, they'll be dismissed. You could be saying, say this is going on, and they'll be like, No, yeah. Even the doctors. Yeah. Even the doctors, so like I said, to hear now that it's more progressive, and they have certain specialists and things like they didn't have that when we were going through our journey in the beginning. So just it's not the end of the world. Stay in there one day at a time, and also take care of yourself. Oh, yeah. Take care of yourself. You cannot pour it from an empty cup. Yeah. And that's something I had to learn. I didn't learn until well off in being an adult. So yeah. What are some things that you do to shit, re-regulate yourself and you know, get yourself back to who you need to be to parent your children? Um, you mean in the in the moments where it is rough? Yes. Um like one of them's having a because let's be clear, uh uh autism breakdown. Okay. But also the the regular kids breakdowns be a whole fucking lot too. It's a lot too. It's a lot. They all in there having tantrums and doing crazy shit. What you doing? Right. The toddler, the tism, wait, look, look, look. It just Yeah. I smoke a little ween. Okay! I self-medicate a little bit. But other than that, you know, I just try, I've been working a lot with patients because over time it wears thin and I gotta build it back up. Yeah. It not just with Xavier, like I said, I gotta toddler around. Yeah. Taking me through there. Yeah. So um, I self-isolate most more recently. I have been um on my workout journey. Past a lot. You look and you look good. I'm trying. How much have you lost? Uh 14 pounds as of a month ago. I have not stepped on the scale because the scale can be intimidating. Yeah. I don't look at it. But yeah, that's something that I get up and I dedicate an hour to for me every day. Or um, I do I do take rest days, but it's something that I look forward to for me. Yeah. I'm not doing it with the kids. Oh, sometimes, but for for the most part, this is me and this is my time. I do it when everybody out the house. Yeah. I and I'm in my living room, not at the gym, even though I want to work up to where I'm leaving. And you know, but this is something that I do for me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also, I haven't been as of lately, but I'm also a creative. You know, I like to get in there. Oh, yeah. Let's I I I wasn't sure if you wanted to. Let's be very clear. My cousin does hair, and my cousin does nails. I'm an all-around beauty. Some of the best bust downs, middle parts, bone strapes I ever had. This is back in my high school days. I'm gonna never forget. One day you did my hair so motherfucking, baby. I'm glad you remember this because I don't be remembered, but I'm also old. I'm old. You did you did my hair, this particular hairstyle, in the house, that big ass house that you had. Um, well, you know, it was a big house. Not a big ass house, but the house uh on 60th. With a trash kid on the east side. Girl, that house was not big, but okay. It means big. I guess thinking about it now with three kids and a man, like But it was just you and Zay and Zay. The house felt big to me. Yeah. Because uh probably like the porch. The porch was big. Yeah. Whatever, bitch. It was men over there anyway, right? To a T, to a Chris. It don't matter where I'm at, I'm gonna do my thing. You're gonna do your thing. She does she retwist locks. I don't know if you do it for everybody, but you retwist locks. She does hair, she does nails. My lastest, longest set of nails, my cousin did. They're on her page. Follow her at top. What is it? Everything dot by Monroe. M-O-N-R-E-A-U-X. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, so you're in a creative, and that's another outlet. So that's another outlet, yeah. Just for me to give some time to think. Because sometimes I have to sit and gather myself and catch my bearings because it can be there and people ask me how I am or how Zav or how Xavion is. Some days are better than others. Yeah. That's what I say. Yeah. Because it's the truth. That is the truth. Some days are better than others. Some days we good. Some days I need a cocktail. Yeah. A cocktail and a cock. Okay. Um I wanna know how important, and this is just me as a parent asking my big cousin, how important this is the last question. Are routines for your everything. Okay. Everything. Okay. Um, and then if any step of the routine is off, missed, out of the time slot, out of space, it it can trigger the turnip. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Um, everything they do is in a routine. I feel like that helps regulate them. Yeah. And for Xavion, Xavion asks a lot of questions because he needs to, I like, I want to know everything. Like I want to know where we're going, who's going to be there, what we're going to do there, when we coming back, so that I'm prepared. Yeah. So to s you know, so to speak. So routines are everything. And the the the smallest of switch, like I said yesterday, I told him I was going to take him, we were going to go for a walk. I didn't get to the walk because I was doing other things, cooking, cleaning, you know? He paced back and forth. Yeah. Yeah. What's up? Like bitches. Like you said at the when you did this, we were gonna do this. And we're not doing it. So what's up? Yeah. Like, so you gotta go walk with this nigga after this. I am. Okay. As long as it's not raining, we're good. We're gonna go for a walk. Last thing. Uh uh. Yeah, yeah. Okay, this was fun. Um, thank you so much for being on the podcast on Thousand. Okay, but I need to come back so we can won't talk about nothing serious. I thought we was finna shoot. I didn't shoot the shit. And funny. No, we're gonna shoot the shit. But I had to get that off because I know that there are people who want to hear real stories. You know, stories about autism. They want to hear the real about I love how you said it's not gonna uh be a good day, you know, just because you have two days. Some days are better than others. I'll say this you're not going to out-autism all, you're not gonna out-perfect autism. You can't, yeah, it's not something that you can like overcome or fixed. You're not gonna pray the autism away, baby. Yeah. And I and I and I'm speaking for the black community specifically because we have tried to pray a lot of shit away. We've tried to pray the gay away, we've tried to pray the this away, the that away. You cannot pray the autism away. Yeah, I think we have the ability to find resources that make our lives a tad bit easier with it. You have to have acceptance first and to know that, like you said, it's not the end of the world, and uh autism is a superpower. These are amazing kids, amazing people, and um get them diagnosed and live your fucking life as as you would have before. Yeah, it's nothing you can do. They're here. You can't reverse it. You have to learn how to live it and navigate from there. Yeah, just make sure you are helping your child to do what they need to do to succeed, but also don't lose your heart. Yeah, that can happen too. Yeah, you know, it's hard, it gets frustrating, it can be overbearing at times. I've had days where I want to pull my hair out. I was super emotional pregnant dealing with my adult kid, you know? It's a lot, but it's not the end of the world. Right. And it gets better. And for them, whatever is the bigger, you know, we going through something right now, we're arguing. In 20 minutes, Damion be right back to what he beyond. You still mad. I'm not fine. So hilarious. Yeah, just don't go on, go on about your life, baby. Okay, and love your child out loud. Yeah. And don't let nobody make you feel ashamed. Yeah. Cause like I said, I know how to fight. Period. Yeah. I I had a space where I feel like I don't want to say I was ashamed, but I um preventative measures. I'm not gonna go here because I know it's gonna be a lot for my baby, and I don't want to deal with that. But you know what? But no, I'll say this. I'm glad you overcame like your moments of feeling like ashamed about it. But that is smart because I have you cousin, and this is me being real. So I know my baby's not on the spectrum, right? I've crossed that, I've I've gotten over that. I've gotten over trying to get her diagnosed because she had a little speech and delay. But she still is turned the fuck up. Yeah. And there are a lot of places I don't go or things I don't do, and people be like, oh, just bring the kit. Yeah. Not I'm not bringing this one. I absolutely hated that kind, especially as a team mom with Xavion. Like, so everybody everybody's just bring them. Hell no. And then my baby was an eloper. He used to like to run away. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. Sorry. So I either can't come or I'll catch you next time, sis, because it's just it's a lot to deal with. It is. And you have to for your sanity and for your kids' sanity. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because if they get overstimulated, guess who the fuck has to do with that now? Yeah, and now I'm overstimulated. And now I'm overstimulated. My husband, my baby's an over too. My husband told me, asked me recently recently, he asked me, he said, why do you put when I'm coming and going, leaving the house and running around errands, coming back? He says, why do you put um my baby? I'm not gonna say her names. I don't want y'all in my face about my kids. He said, Why do you put her in the car first and leave the baby who's in the stroller outside? I said, because that one is stationary. Yeah. This one's gonna run. She will, yeah. I have to put her in, lock her down, then go worry about the little baby. We get out of the car, I have to get the little baby out first, situate her, then get the one who's gonna run, because I can't just have her sitting out here looking for the situation, and then they're gonna be like, what's the baby over here? You know, so you gotta do what works for you as a parent. Exactly. But parenthood is the best hood I've ever been part of. I'm getting ganged down to my toes. I love my children, uh, spectrum or no spectrum, love your children. Um, and just, you know, I'm gonna say this, and this is gonna be the last thing I'm gonna say. Oh Lord. There is a charge on your life, and you are, as they say, one of the Lord's elite employees. And he gave you a special needs baby. A special needs baby because everybody can handle it. Everybody can. And everybody ain't worthy. Yeah. And it says a lot about I'm not gonna say your rank in heaven or your rank with God, but I'll say like your the way God views you to be able to trust you with this special needs child, baby, it's a badge of fucking honor. Yeah. Yeah. I'll wear that. Yeah. Yeah. Because people would have died dealing with the shit Tanya has had to deal with. And you look good and you look good doing it. Yeah. You look good, you look fine. Bye, y'all! Next episode, we're gonna be here with another uh guest. This was my cousin Tanya. Yeah, she's a creative. Follow her hair page, follow her nail page, everything by Monroe. Yeah, we love y'all. Peace out. Here in LA, where you become at me.