Feel Worthy Podcast

17: How to Ask For Help When You Feel Overwhelmed

• Episode 17

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Strategic Event Leader Cohort: Complete Form
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Kayla Worthy shares insights on managing overwhelm during busy event seasons. She discusses how overwhelm manifests and practical strategies for delegating, and maintaining self-worth amidst high-pressure situations.

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SPEAKER_01

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Feel Worthy Podcast. I'm your host, Kayla Worthy, and I know it's been a while since we've been together for a solo episode, but I am so excited to be back. My Q1 was crazy. I have had a number of events going on, and it's historically my busy season. As you guys know, I'm in corporate events as well, and all the time for the past several years, actually, my friends have always said, Oh, is this when your big event is? Yeah, that's when it is. And I really believe in the saying from Ron Swanson because I'm also a Parks and Rec fan, Team Leslie, no. And he says, like, instead of half assing two things, whole ass one thing. And I was wanting to do all the things at the same time, but I was like, okay, give yourself permission to focus on the main thing. Focus on your family, focus on the events, and then everyone who is interested in the podcast can listen to the trailer and all these episodes. And we will be back very shortly after with more. So here we are. And today's episode I figured would find you in whether you're still in a busy season or if you're about to get into one and it would resonate with you. But before we really dive in, I would love to ask you a quick favor. If you've been enjoying the podcast, if it's been helpful, or if any episode has resonated with you, I would greatly appreciate it if you took a moment to rate and review the show. You can do that on Apple Podcasts, you can do that on Spotify, even go ahead and subscribe on YouTube. We'll be launching more episodes on there as well. It really just helps event pros find these conversations and it would mean the absolute world to me. Also, if you have any questions, any comments, any feedback or thoughts about a future episode, please go into the show notes. So just in the description of the podcast, you'll see the first line is send us a text message or voicemail. And please, please do send us a text message or voicemail about what you like, what you don't like, what comments you have, any questions you have. If you want me to go deeper on anything, happy to do so. So, okay, now seriously, let's dive in. So this episode is for you. And I've been thinking a lot about this. I really want to be intentional with how we lay out the episodes and who it's for. So if you've ever been the one that everyone relies on, the one who figures it out, the one who says, I got it, or it's handled and is channeling their inner Olivia Pope, then this is for you. Because you're the person that's always like, ah, it's fine. I could do it, no big deal. But when you're in these busy seasons, it can feel like a lot. And you're not dropping the ball, right? You're just carrying all of them. And you're becoming a juggler and you didn't even know you could juggle. So if you're listening to this, it's again for one of two reasons. You're in it. You're like, everything feels like a lot right now, and you're just trying to hold it together. Or you felt like this before and you don't want to keep operating this way. You see that you have a runway of a bunch of events coming up, and you don't want to be in the same situation that you were in maybe last year. Either way, this conversation is for you. This podcast is all about feeling worthy in your work and in your life. And sometimes the two overlap quite a bit in these moments. The truth is that some days it's harder to access feeling worthy when the workload feels like far too much. So I want to go into what overwhelm looks like, especially in the events industry, because it doesn't always look like falling apart, or you've seen the toddlers in the store just fall on the floor and cry. It may be what we want to do, but we don't do it because we're adults and we want to look like we're holding it all together. And we say it's handled, or I got this, but internally we're a little stressed. And it sometimes looks like you're working longer hours and you're feeling more behind. Your response time starts to slow down. You avoid making decisions, even when you've been a really quick decision maker, and it just feels like everything is urgent and there's an SOS on everything and red exclamation marks all at the same time. With that, all being said, if that if you felt something, if you thought of something about when I said all of those things, think about that moment. Or maybe a moment within the last year where you said I got it, it's handled, but you immediately felt stretched, like your heart started to feel a little heady heavier, your shoulders started to tense. You let out like a really deep sigh, and you just felt like, okay, I can do this, but you didn't even really want to. You knew you were adding more to your plate. That's the moment we're talking about today. And it isn't just about being busy. When we are in those moments, it's about why asking for help feels so hard in the first place. The first part is identity, right? You've build your reputation on being the reliable one, the one who handles it. And when that becomes your whole personality, asking for help can feel like you're risking your value. It can feel like a sign of weakness. And if we go one layer deeper, this is where ego comes in. Not in a negative way, but in a protective way. Your ego wants to keep you seen as capable, as dependable, as the one who has it all together. So asking for help can feel uncomfortable because it challenges that image. Event pros are supposed to be the ones that everyone can go to in a state of calm or in a state of panic and say, hey, I have this issue. What do I do? And the event pro is supposed to be that duck paddling where they're calm on the surface and just paddling quickly underneath. But here's the shift ego says, I need to prove I can do this on my own. Leadership says, I know I don't have to. So let me ask you: if you weren't the one holding everything together, who would you be?

SPEAKER_00

Do you know? Have you thought about that? If you weren't the one holding it all together, who would you be? Would you still feel like you're capable of this position? What if you let your guard down a little bit?

SPEAKER_01

What if you showed other people, hey, I this takes more than just me. So second, the common thing we hear all the time is it feels faster if I just do it. I know how to make it happen. There's no explanation, no follow-up, I don't have to teach anyone, I don't have time for that right now. There's no risk, it's it'll get done. But truthfully, if you think about this long term, what feels faster today creates more pressure tomorrow or takes up time from today that you could be using toward other things that are within your zone of genius. So really think, what am I doing right now because it's faster, not because it's necessary. And I'm sure someone heard that and said, ah, all right, I didn't need to pick the menus. Okay, someone else could have picked the menus. I didn't need to go ahead and approve everything in the mobile app. Someone else could have looked at all the details. I did it because I like to. Just think through the things of what are you doing because it's faster, because you know how to do it quickly, but not because you have to be the one that does it. Third, you don't always trust the support system. Maybe you've delegated before and it didn't go well. Maybe resources are limited or people are just inconsistent. So it isn't always a mindset issue, right? You've wanted to trust people before, you've wanted to delegate, you want it to feel like teamwork. But perhaps it's a systems issue. There aren't enough resources or people or an actual system or protocol for a set event. And it's hard to trust that because at the end of the day, you have to deliver an event, and you can't do that if you don't have resources in place or if you're just blindly trusting that something is going to go well without really seeing the proof. Okay. And a final reason why it can feel hard to ask for help is no one actually taught you how to do this. You were promoted, you were recognized because you're great at execution, because you're like, I can dive in, I can make it happen, but you weren't really trained on how to lead others through it. People have just given you tasks or you've taken on tasks, or while sitting idle and you're like, I can just make it happen. Well, along the way, you just kept doing that over and over. But again, maybe there weren't resources, or you weren't put in a position to teach someone else. So it feels hard. And it's not because you're failing, it's because you're learning a brand new skill. Teaching other people, taking the time, the patience, all of that takes new strengths and it's a new muscle to flex. When you think of all of these pieces, they're valid. They are a part of why it's hard to get to the other side. But what we don't stop to always think about, or we think about, but then kind of rush right past it, is carrying everything may feel like the safest option, but it is costing you more than you realize. So let's talk about what it's costing you. All right, number one, time. And that's the obvious one, but let's really map it out so that it's concrete for you. Let's say you're working another extra two hours, four hours a day, just trying to keep up. So that's either you're waking up and you're starting your day really early. So you're adding another two hours from like four to six, or you're in the evening after bedtime, if you're a working parent, or just after you have dinner or workout. So let's say 7 to 10 p.m., you're either adding two hours in the morning or three hours at night. You know what? That could be easily anywhere from 10 to 20 hours a week, depending on how many days you're doing that. That is a part-time job. I didn't know you signed up for that. Um, are you getting paid for a part-time job? And I know, I know someone is listening to this saying, it's a season, it's a moment, it's just another time where I feel like I have to do it. Okay, but that adds up. And it now starts to intersect into your personal life because not only are you taking time away from things that you could be doing on a personal level, but then it doesn't stop. You're with your family and you're mentally still at the event, checking emails at the dinner table, or first thing in the morning, it's like the alarm clock that wakes you up. So you're technically off, you're, but you're never fully disconnected. And then number three, which ties in so nicely, your mental capacity. When you're holding all of these things and you're constantly thinking about it, you're starting to always be in that zone. And you're running off an adrenaline before you even get to the event. And research shows that as cognitive load increases, meaning more decisions and information you're holding, your decision-making quality actually declines. So it's not just that you're tired, you've been on all day, every day, and you're starting to make lower quality decisions because you're carrying so much at once. And decision fatigue is real. Eventually, you just don't want to keep doing it anymore, or you're always doing it, and you're never fully able to tear off. So, as you keep doing all of this, your mental capacity starts to diminish. So you can't think of anything else. You can't read a book, you can't enjoy a Netflix show. You're actually now your nervous system is so dysregulated, it's going to be harder to find the calm, find the peace, and have some mental capacity for other things, for other people, for yourself. Over time, all of this compounds to impact your growth, which is really the detriment here because you're stuck in execution. You don't create space to think strategically. You don't step into higher-level conversations, you stay known as dependable, and you just live there, but you're not necessarily seen as a leader. Here's the shift. Asking for help is not a weakness. It's leadership. I understand as eldest daughters, we feel like we have to be the one that carries it all. And asking for help can feel like you're less than. But it is not. It is actually leadership. And it doesn't have to be, oh, I'm begging for help. We're gonna talk about ways of how to actually do it in a way that is strategic and it's a strong position for you. You are never meant to do everything, you are meant to operate in your zone of genius. So I want you to take a moment, and if you're thinking about all this and it's like landing with you, what actually requires your level of thinking? So think about it. What actually requires my level of thinking, my expertise, and what doesn't? Is it you have to be the one that connects the person working on the mobile app to the content and agenda? Are you the connector? Are you the glue? Or are you the person that is managing all of the general session and that is your zone of genius? I you love the theater, you love to make sure things are coming to life, but you hate logistics. You're like, I would rather someone else deal with that, but you're in it because you feel like you have to be. Or you're the guru behind registration, and that is where you live and breathe. And you're like, I love a rooming list, but somehow I'm also still stuck in this hotel signage, and I don't have a creative bone in my body, and I don't want that. So really be honest with yourself. Where are you thriving? Where is your zone of genius? And I know, I know teams are small. It feels like you have to have your zone of genius as everything. But maybe there are people on your team that want to be in the signage while you're thriving and living your best life in registration. Maybe there are members of your team that love managing logistics, but you need to focus on the general session. Delegation isn't about offloading work or saying like you're not doing anything. It's about elevating your impact and doing the right things. So let's make this practical because I don't want you to leave this episode thinking, well, because I want you to leave this episode thinking differently and I want you to act differently, but I don't want you to leave this episode thinking, ah, I feel seam, but what do I do with this? So, first, let's get clear. I used this analogy the other day about if you have a backpack, if you're you have a purse, you're like shaking everything out just to see what's in there because you're like, it's a black hole now. I have receipts, I have gum, I have granola bar wrappers. I now need to shake it all out, okay? And see what actually is in this bag. So that's where you get clear. You're shaking it all out. You're seeing what's actually on your plate right now, what feels heavy, what's at risk. And I know finding the time is hard, but you're gonna have to figure out what to do because I know when I get into it, sometimes I'm like everything has to stop because it feels overloaded. So either do it before you get there, or when you get there, you make the time. It can take 30 minutes because I'm sure you can quickly think of everything that's going on and what's actually on your plate pretty quickly. So if you can't explain what you need help with, it's going to come across as emotional instead of strategic. So you really need to map out clearly where are everything, what needs to happen, what's at risk, what is doing well, and what needs to be accelerated. Second, you're gonna separate facts from feelings. And this is where getting really clear about this helps because when you're shaking out the purse, when you're shaking out your backpack, you start to feel like stressed and you're like overwhelmed. You just wanna be that toddler that I talked about, crying in Starbucks floor, saying, ah, but you can't show up to work like that, right? Like you have to be, you have feelings, and that is valid, but you cannot show up as that person to all of your team. I remember a situation where I was new into the event space. I we had, oh my goodness, it's like the quiche debacle of like 2014. We had a closing brunch and it had a keynote speaker. Someone else within the team, higher level, had made a projection of the number of people that they anticipated coming into the brunch. It was working, I was working for an association at the time, so they were very critical and mindful of the number of dollars they were spending and wanted to make sure that the estimate was as accurate as possible. Great. So we are having people come in and then all of a sudden the doors are like should be closing in the next 10, 15 minutes. But more and more people are coming into the ballroom and they're not stopping. Now we are like totally sold out of seats. I have the banquet team rolling out more tables and chairs and like rounds, like literally rolling out a round in the middle of all of these people. And it is now starting to become chaos because not only is it the closing branch, but people are bringing their bags into the ballroom with them. And I remember looking, talking to the team, like our director at the time, and we're like, all right, we're gonna just do everything we can to get as many people in this room, and we're gonna have to have a plan B because who knows how many more people are coming in. So people are still coming in and the floodgates are open, it basically is what it looks like. And the catering manager, I even remember her throwing her clipboard up in the air as if she gave up in the middle of this chaos. Don't be that person. I understand things can feel overwhelming, but as a young person watching the situation, I was ready to just say, what do we need to do to end up? We're here now. How do we get to the next stage? But seeing her do that, wow, I lost so much confidence in the catering team at that hotel. Uh just when you need someone to be a partner and be there and support, she wasn't. She had checked out, she was overwhelmed. And look, that feeling happened. I get it. But when you are leading people, when you're leading a team, you need to separate the facts from the feelings. So, my short story aside is you can say to a manager, to a team member, I'm currently managing X, Y, Z, but I'm seeing risk in delivering Y, and Z at the level we want. So create the facts. Why are you seeing the risk? Is it because you're behind by three days? Is it because a vendor is taking too long to respond? Is it because you haven't received a decision on A and B? Create the facts. And the facts will then create the alignment and emotions start to create the hesitation. Other people don't know how to respond to that because if you're throwing your clipboard up in the air, if you're crying on the floor, other people around you don't know how to react and you have to be the leader in that situation. And then third, alignment is just making sure you're all on the same page. It's actually the most strategic thing you can do. You're not asking people to rescue you, you're not waving the white flag saying, I can't do this. You're not saying you want to be saved. That is not the situation here. You are asking what should be prioritized, or where can we bring in support? Is there someone from another team that can support this specific task? Because when you again associate it with facts and what concretely needs to happen, then other people know how to respond. Oh, I can find a person that is good at checking details and they can manage the mobile app. So you're only making the team and the event stronger. And that is what everyone wants at the end of the day, right? They want a successful event. Number four, you're gonna start small. So you don't have to delegate the whole event, right? I'm sure you're gonna be like, hey, I would love for someone to take all of this over and I can go have a pinny colada by the pool. But that's not what you're gonna do, right? You're just like figuring out how I can get some breathing room so I can get some space to do the things that are, again, in my zone of genius. So you don't have to delegate everything, you just have to remove one thing from your plate this week, or one or two. What are the things that you can get support in? Is it checking details? Is it vendor communication? Is it some part of another process? So just starting small will start to give some of that breathing room back to you. And then the fifth thing that you're gonna do to make this practical, make this actionable for you is that you're gonna do the part most people avoid. You actually have to ask. Okay? You actually have to ask for the help. Stop overthinking it or waiting until it feels comfortable, or continuing to try to carry everything on your own. You know you have a lot on your plate. You have to ask the question. You have to say it out loud. And you have to let it say it in a way and let it let it land. Because you don't always have to come up with solutions. Is it great that you do? Absolutely. But sometimes you may not know what the solutions are. So you just have to say, hey. Hey, I am prioritizing X, Y, and Z. I need support in Z because of A and B. Who can we get to help with this? And use it as an opportunity to bond, to strategize, to work together with your boss or your leaders or your team and really say, this is a team effort. Events are not a solo project by any means. Use it as an opportunity to say there's a gap that needs to be filled. And then instead of talking about it in a debrief, you rectify it right then and there. When you finally let it go, when you finally let other people start helping you, it's okay that it's done differently. It's okay that it's not done the exact same way you would have wanted it to be done. It doesn't mean it's wrong. We are a bit of perfectionist sometimes, and we sometimes hold on for too much. So we have to be able to let go and let some people in. Because the goal here isn't just to get help, it's to get back to your strategic point of view and the work that requires your skill set, your mindset, your leadership, your ability to see the bigger picture. When you're doing everything, you just can't operate from there. So when you start to ask for help, you create a space where you're able to thrive. You create that white space where you're able to have thoughts. And other people get to learn from that, which is the beautiful thing. They get to learn from you asking for help. They get to learn how to do it themselves in the future. They get to learn a new task or a new project and how this works so that they have a bit more empathy and they have a bit more understanding of what it takes to put an event like this together, because they are also wanting to be part of something that is bigger than themselves. And when you start to hold some of these pieces in, you risk other people having that opportunity. People always wonder why. And they always say, oh, events are so easy, or they wonder, how do you do it all? Well, starting to give them a peek behind the curtain gives them that opportunity to understand. So it's not just about you and if feeling like a weakness or uh a sign that you're not worthy, you don't prove you're worth by how much you carry. You prove it by how you lead. And this is an excellent opportunity to show your leadership. So here's what I want you to do after this episode: identify one thing you don't need to carry this week and actually let it go or actually ask for help on it. Because I'm sure there's something that you're doing that you're like, someone else could be doing this. And or you can use AI. We haven't even talked about that. And that will be a whole other episode. There are other ways that you can get support without it being just you. So identify what that one thing is this week. Figure out how you can delegate it, how you can ask AI for support, how you can ask another planner. Maybe you, this is where you tap into getting a virtual assistant, or you tap into someone else on your team that has been looking to do something like this and has been curious about events. Identify who that person is and ask for support. If this is something you're navigating right now, if this feels like you, I would love to support you and find a way to work together. You see, you didn't even have to ask. I'm telling you, I want to support you. This is something I work on with my clients in our one-to-one sessions. So you can reach out, send a message, or book a time to chat in the show notes. You don't have to figure this out on your own. So please share this episode with someone who might need it to because a lot of people are caring more than they need to and just not talking about it. As always, I hope you feel worthy today and every day. I'll see you on the next episode. Bye guys.