19: Motherhood & Ambition Can Co-Exist

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Kayla Worthy explores the complex relationship between motherhood and ambition, emphasizing that women can pursue both without guilt. She shares personal stories, insights from Emma Greed's book, and practical advice on balancing career and family, especially for event professionals and working moms.

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Follow Kayla Worthy 

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/worthyeventscoach/ 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaylaworthy/ 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Feel Worthy podcast. I am back from London and I am feeling recharged, refreshed, and energized. I'm so excited. I also have this raging pimple on my chin because this will go on YouTube and I just have to say it out loud because let's just talk about the elephant in the room, which is what's happening on my chin, and it's so annoying. And now we can move on. I loved a London trip. I loved a retreat. I am still buzzing off of the energy of the woman in the room and everything we learned. I'm putting everything into practice. I'm just so excited. We also got this book, Start with Yourself by Emma Greed. And it actually is one of the main points of like why I think this episode is so important, especially right now. Especially, I know there's been so much discourse about her and her three-hour mom headline, but even more relevant for us, especially as event pros who are soon to be moms, current moms, maybe having another kid. And we're in this high-performing world that we're ambitious and we want to hold motherhood and the ambition at the same time. So all very relevant. And wherever it finds you, if you're finding it right before Mother's Day, perfect. If you're finding it after Mother's Day, then also perfect. It's a great time to talk about this because motherhood doesn't show up on just Mother's Day or the month of May. It shows up on a random Tuesday, or on the plane on the way to go to a new event, and you're thinking about like the cuddles and the bedtime routine that you're missing out on that night, or in the middle of the working day where you get a phone call from school or daycare and you have to go pick up your kid. Motherhood shows up all the time. So I think it'll happen, it'll find you wherever you need it. And it's also the start of a series that we're doing on the podcast for the next couple episodes. So this one just kicks it all off. So before we dive any deeper, I just want to say thank you guys for listening to the podcast. I would love it if you rated and reviewed it because it will be so meaningful to me. But more importantly, it will help more event pros find the podcast and be able to have a community of us that are working and dealing with the same topics and just feel that sense of community because we're not alone in this. There is so much overlap that happens that we don't talk about, but that is the whole purpose of this podcast is that we are putting the event pro first, the person behind the event or in front of the event first. Rate, review on Apple, Spotify, YouTube. I would love that we can just cascade this to more and more event pros. All right, now diving into the podcast episode and what it's all about. It's really the question that I think most women are resonating with and wrestling with quietly, but even out loud, especially after this headline has come out, is am I allowed to have both? Can I be deeply committed to my career and still be the kind of mom I want to be? Can I love my work and love motherhood without constantly feeling like one is taking from the other? Because I remember when this question became super real for me, it actually was Mother's Day five years ago, and or I guess six years ago at the time. Yeah, six years ago, where my husband and I were going to the store, we were going to Publix, getting our pub subs and like groceries, and the pandemic had just started. We were living in Florida, which we know the pandemic was questionable there. But we were at the store, I remember getting a couple things, and I was like, I feel weird. I think I just I don't know, I need to get a pregnancy test. And he was like, Where are you going? What are you doing? And I came back with a pregnancy test like from one of the aisles, and he's like, he looked at me so strangely, and I was like, I know it's weird. I just have a feeling that I need to just take it and just see what happens. So I took it and inevitably found out I was pregnant, and it was a great surprise for my mother and my mother-in-law, and for me and our family, and we're like, oh, it's we're growing, especially because the year before we had a miscarriage, and that was pretty traumatic for all of us. But while exciting, I also was like, holy shit, what does this mean for my career? Is I I have to tell my boss, is she going to think less of me? Uh, how do I show up as work and hold a child and carry a child and and still show up authentically? People are getting laid off left and right because the event industry is being so heavily impacted by COVID. I was just spiraling in on all of these thoughts of like, can I be who I want to be and be a mom? And then there's also rumblings. So when people go on maturity leave, like, are they gonna come back? And that is so annoying because it is everyone's own individual choice, how they show up as a mom and in the working world. So whenever I hear that work, I understand it is a real thing that people have to think about, but gossiping about it, not okay. So so box off of that. Going back to my story, I I was so scared to tell my team and my boss, and I finally did, and I still have even pictures of it where my boss was the most like understanding, embraced it with open arms, and I say figure and from a distance, right? Because we were just starting to go into lockdown, and sent me flowers and just congratulated me. We walked through the whole process step by step. I think I was just still so in my head of what will this mean for my career, but it was amazing to be welcomed and not welcomed, but to just have this moment in my life embraced by so many people. And I was a not the first, but it had been a long time since other people in my team, my company had had a baby. So I felt like the first again, but then also articulating myself to people who were so far removed, I also felt weird. Like, am I going to be thought of as less? And I wasn't. I I everyone was super congratulatory and excited for me, and even just checking out if I was okay. But I worked so much, I even worked up until like I gave birth. And after I had my amazing baby boy, I was so excited and really enjoyed maternity leave. But then the thoughts started for me of like, will I enjoy work when I get back? How will I feel different going back into the working like world and to go on my computer every day? And once I started working again, I was like, oh, I'm so good at this. I love working. And it wasn't just because I I sold myself this lie. I really did enjoy working and I was really good at it. And I was so excited to feel like this other part of me was like woken up again. And it wasn't that it went dormant over maternity leave, it's just that I just wasn't using my brain in those ways, and I wasn't like in meetings and calls, like it just wasn't um, it just wasn't a just wasn't happening. Obviously, I was paying attention and focusing on growing this life and starting new routines, learning how to like be mobile again, and I was so excited, but then I also felt guilty of like holy crap, I love this so much, but maybe I was doing something wrong. Like maybe something's wrong with me that I love working and I do I not love motherhood as much. So if you start to question these things, just know it's real and know that it's a normal thing to do because you're going through a new situation that you've never been through before. And even if you have a kid, you're still going through it, right? Because you want to level up in your career and you're met with, ah, can I move to this next level and also be the mom that I want to be? So it happens at all of the different stages. I just want to emphasize that you're not wrong for wanting both. And this tension shows up everywhere. It looks like pumping during site visits and taking a call from the parking lot to make sure that he got he got his medicine or she was okay with whatever the food was at daycare or with a nanny, or you're checking slack while you're holding a baby, missing bedtime because of a show day, or saying I love my job, and then immediately feeling guilty for saying it out loud. And that one hits because it's not that you don't love your child, it's also that you love the version of you that existed before them and can continue to exist while you have them. That version of you that's driven, that's independent, that is motivated and fully committed is still there. You just have a little extra love that you're giving out to the world. Wanting her to still be part of your daily life does not make you selfish. It makes you honest. And I think there's so many women that carry shame around that that we have to hide our child or hide our ambition, and both can exist. But we can't pretend that part of us doesn't exist. Then we're not being authentic, we're not showing up as our full and true self, and we're doing everyone in our life, including ourselves, a disservice. So both can be true. You can be wildly grateful for motherhood and still grieve parts of your old life. You can love your child and still love your ambition. You can want softness and success. You can be present and also have that progress. And what all of these moments have in common is that something has to be sacrificed for something else to thrive and to give and exist. But in order for you to be great at one, you have to be failing at the other. And that belief is so heavy and it is daunting, and it is a lot of weight to carry around. It also does not have to be yours to carry. In Emma Greet's book, which again, I know there's a lot of talk about this. Um, I read this part of the book that I thought would be perfect and just it sums it up so well. So she says, Women ask me all the time whether they can have kids or whether it will derail their careers. Can you have kids and be successful? My answer is always the same. Yes, so long as you refuse to let the culture get to you. Yeah. You need to resist a culture that insists you perform perfectly in both spheres simultaneously. And she goes on to talk more about this topic. And I wholeheartedly agree, there's so much pressure to be perfect at our jobs, especially with event pros, right? There's this expectation that we have to answer every email really quickly, be everywhere, do all the things, and know all of the single, every single detail. But then also we're expected to be perfect moms, right? Pack the lunches and do the cute outfits, elaborate birthday parties that are over the top, and sleep and do skincare and get our nails done and get our hair done and look perfect. And that is so unrealistic. It is crazy that there is all of this pressure put onto us. So when I say you can hold motherhood and ambition together, that they can coexist, you have to do it on your terms. Here's the truth I I wish more women heard that you are not divided, you are expanding. And I also want to share something that I think we don't talk about enough is that you can have both. Both can coexist. But I remember Obama Michelle Obama saying this in an interview how both can exist, but balance doesn't mean that everything is equal all the time. Stuck with me because it really is about like work-life integration. So not everything is happening equal all the time, right? So like I can't always answer an email, hold a baby, and then figure out what we're doing at the same time. Like that is not balance. That is doing too many things at one time. It doesn't mean that when you're in a busy season with events, that you are giving 100% to your family. Or when it is family time, that you should also be giving 100% to work. It means identify the areas of your life that you need to give more to and then be all in on that. Be where your feet are planted. If you are doing bedtime, phone is away. You are doing bedtime, you are reading a book to your child and tucking them in and spending that quality time. So there was recently a conversation with Dr. Judith Joseph, and she says that quality time with your family or the amount of time that you spend with your family does not equate to how much you love them or how great of a mom you are. And there's there's a study that shows seven minutes in the morning, seven minutes in the afternoon, and seven minutes in the evening is all your child needs. And it what she actually ended up saying is that it really boils down to the quality of the time. Are you fully present in whatever time you are giving them? Or are you half in and half out? And I thought that was pivotal because I think we always measure our quality time by the abundance of it, right? Are we spending hours and hours and hours with them? Are we playing on the floor? Which I'm gonna say I'm a mom that I have trouble just learning how to play, but I love experiences. So whenever we go to do like a pumpkin patch or a new location and we're exploring, we are fully immersed in exploring and doing that together. And I think that's just where you get to decide what kind of parent you want to be and how you show up and how you spend that quality time. You get to choose, which is the most important part of this. So when we're thinking of this idea of also chasing the perfect balance, which is again unheard of and unrealistic. And it's kind of like playing the game of mancala. So if you're a millennial, you know, you know, that sometimes the pieces are spread out and evenly distributed across the board. And sometimes they're all in one pocket. So that decision of like what means the most and where it goes, it's all comes down to how the pieces are laid out, what season of life are you in, and what matters most right now. And and then also trusting that the other part of your life will still be there. It's not going away, it's not escaping you. It is going to be there when you return. And when you are able to put so much more into that and focus, then it will, you'll be better for it, and so will everyone else. So when you're thinking about, when you're thinking about holding motherhood, we're also thinking about a version, becoming a version of us that requires more intention. And knowing you can still be ambitious, but you're holding better alignment in your life and having clearer priorities. Motherhood amplifies your leadership. And dare I say it, it accelerates it. Because you stop chasing things or moments that look good on paper or seem impressive, and you just start really protecting what you are showing up for and how you show up. You stop proving and start prioritizing what actually matters. You stop doing everything and start asking what actually deserves my energy. Where actually am I needed in this moment in time? And that is real leadership. Not burnt out, disguised as commitment and saying, I did everything and I am a martyr and I am amazing, but I'm exhausted and physically unwell, but I did all of the things. It's not any of that anymore. You shove that all and you move that all over to the side and you really start drilling down on like what hours do I have? So you're not overfunctioning just to prove your worth. Leadership is clarity, it's discernment. It is knowing what matters most and having the courage to protect it and knowing that it is the right thing for you to do at this time. Wanting both doesn't make you confused or less than. It is expansive like that. And you're getting bigger, you are growing, and you are clear on what actually matters. And I want someone listening to really hear this. You do not have to apologize for becoming a mother or being a mother. You do not have to shrink your goals to prove your love. You actually need to show your goals and show that you're accomplishing them so that everyone else around you, around you, so that everyone else around you can lift up and rise to meet you where you're at. Okay. This one, I really want you to hear loud and clear because I feel like so many of us need to hear this. You do not have to choose struggle just to prove your commitment or dedication to work. You are allowed to want both. You are allowed to build both and be fully immersed in both. You just have to decide when and where the priorities are so that you know how much of yourself to give to the situation. Shows up. So because motherhood shows up for us all very differently. I really believe that motherhood is an area where it is not one size fits all. Your life is different, your family is different, the family that you have is not always like another. So take what you hear from different people and decide what fits best for your life. Because there are going to be so many people that tell you a million different things. And especially as new moms or even ongoing working moms that are maybe having another child or just still kind of understanding how motherhood is working for them in their life, there will be new inform there will be new information that comes up, and it all boils down to how you want to show up in your life and your family. Okay. So that is my big disclaimer there. So instead of giving you a solution, I really just want to give you some things to think about so that you can take them back, think about them on your drive, journal about them, and see what feels right for you. Okay. So I one first question is, yeah. So like my first question for you is where do you actually want to be fully present versus where do you feel like you're just expected to be there? Okay, I'll repeat it again. So where do you actually want to be fully present instead of feeling like you're just expected to be there? Okay. Second question is what parts of your life or work light you up? What makes you feel excited to like wake up in the morning and start drilling down on that BEO or writing the run-of-show or making sure the project is in order and the deadlines are being followed through on? Like what lights you up and that you're excited to be a part of? And what parts feel like you're just carrying them because you always have. You've done all these different things, and you're like, I've done them, so I can continue to do them. The final question is where might someone else be able to step in even if it feels uncomfortable at first? Maybe it's a colleague, a family member, nanny, or daycare, or your partner. Where might someone else be able to step in, even if it feels uncomfortable at first? And that could apply to your work life, it can apply to your personal life. These are just things to start thinking about, especially as you're in this phase of life where things are changing and you may need a bit more help. You may need assistance in certain things. So just room to think about that. And then final thoughts before we round out is that what if this tension or this new phase of life is just a sign that your life is holding more than it used to, that you got an upgrade, and now instead of a Mini Cooper, you have a Lexus SUV and you have a little bit more responsibility, more love, more like just more identity. So maybe you have a bit more to give than you originally thought you did. So it's really just expanding you. This podcast is all about feeling worthy every day, or as many days as possible. And some days that feels harder when your identity feels split between two things you care so deeply about. But maybe this level up is just learning how to hold both and without constantly questioning if you're allowed to, because you are. The funny thing is, I just came back from this retreat and I am so fired up. I am, I feel like myself more than I have in a probably a little while because a lot of life has happened. COVID has happened, I had a baby, I jobs have changed, I've learned I want to do new things. I've started this podcast, like so much has happened, and I did something for me that Kayla before I was pregnant would have easily done. Also, it was pre-pandemic, so it would have been easy to jump on a plane and go to do some new adventure, but then also take the leadership part with me as well. So a part of me is like woken up that hasn't, that's been kind of dormant for a bit just because of life. And I've had fun and I've filled my cup in many other ways all throughout the last several years. So that's no issue there. It's just I did something different that was part of my joylist that I haven't been able to do in so long. And I feel expanded, I feel lighter, I feel like I'm able to pour back into everyone else around me that much better. I'm a better person. I'm a better mom. I'm a better wife, I'm a better colleague because of it. And when you feel inspired, you can actually. Lift everyone else up. Oh, one more quote. Um, I love humans of New York. I had a friend who gave me this book in college and then also included a little note here that I was so excited about. And it's part of my um one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson. And in this it says, We were all meant to shine as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. It is one of my favorite lines in the poem. And I want to leave that, leave you with that because as you start embracing this next chapter, you're able to show other people what's possible. So if this episode resonated with you at all, send it to another working mom, soon-to-be mom, or event pro mom, or just someone who maybe even interested is interested in motherhood at some point because someone may need to hear it today. And chances are she's been thinking the same thing and questioning this and hasn't said it out loud because it's hard to talk about these things out loud without feeling shame or guilt. And I'd love to hear from you. I want to know what having both look like for you right now, or if there's any part of you that resonated and did like the little clapping finger thing and said, Yes, yes, that. Send me a note, a text or voicemail. There's a link in the show notes that you can use. Um, and I'm excited and ready to read all of them. You just find you in and around Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day. But you know what? Every day should be Mother's Day. As always, thank you for being here, and I hope you feel worthy today and every day. I'll see you in the next one. Bye guys.