23: Lead Up and Take Your Seat At The Table

------------------------------

Kayla Worthy explores the concept of leading up versus over-functioning in the event industry, emphasizing strategic leadership, effective communication, and building trust with leaders. She shares practical tips for creating visibility, making impactful decisions, and fostering mutual understanding to elevate your leadership presence.

------------------------------

Feel Worthy Podcast Links: https://linktr.ee/feelworthypodcast

------------------------------

Follow Kayla Worthy 

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/worthyeventscoach/ 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaylaworthy/ 

------------------------------

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to an episode of the Feelworthy Podcast, the place where we have conversations that put the event professional first. So often we put the event first, how to produce it better, how to make it more spectacular. But what about the event pro that's putting on all of these events? When do we pour into them? When do we take a moment to pause and say, hey, I need to fill my cup up. I need to learn a few more skills so that I can grow strategically. I can learn how to be a more well-rounded person. I'm there and present for my family and friends. And I am not just existing in the event 24-7. So this is a space, a place where you can breathe a bit more. You can learn, you can listen, you can feel seen and recognized in certain areas or be stretched a bit more than maybe you've been in a while. So I hope that this is the space for you. I'm excited that you're here and listening. Today's topic is interesting because I when I first heard about it, I didn't know that that's what this was called. And then I was talking to a coaching client, it came up in a session where I was like, oh, this is coming up in real time for someone else. And I would love to share with you the reframe and more of the conversation about it, but more to you, more to what you may be going through. And if you have any questions about it, if you want to share your thoughts about it, please do not hesitate to write a message, send a text or a voicemail. The link is the first thing you see in the show description. And I would love to hear from you, good, bad, or in between. Okay? No strings attached, super honest. And let's go, let's get into it. But first, before I go further into it, I want to say, go New York Knicks. It has been 53 years, and I've been listening and reading so many of the players' stories and just what this means to the state of New York. And every New York Knicks fan, every New Yorker, every person who's ever been told that like meh, they may be subpar, they may not be that great, or it's a pipe dream. If it's your dream, I'm just so inspired by this idea of continuing to go for it and putting in the hard work and not letting the negativity stop you from all of that because it can, it can be halting, which is why I also did Monday's episode. It's frustrating, it's stressful, and life is always happening. But you have a choice. That's always what I want to share with people. You have a choice, you're not a tree, you're not stuck. And it weaves perfectly into this episode topic because I've heard coaching clients say, uh, why do I have to tell my boss what to do? They should just know. And I'm always just training them, I'm always just talking about what I do and telling them and teaching them, and I have turnover, and I'm teaching the new leader what's going on. And it is so frustrating to not have that adult in the room. And look, I get it. The concerns and the frustration is super valid. So I hear that and I totally want to honor that. I also want to share that they don't know everything. And I think we get into these positions where we're like, oh, okay, someone is going to know more than us. We are going to have a leader that is going to lead and tell me the way and know every single ounce of every single part of the job that they're supposed to do. And it just may not be the reality. When we are looking at leadership, when we are training ourselves, when we are doing better, we are shooting for the ideal. And the ideal is this place where the leader knows exactly what they're doing. They're able to give direction, clarity, and move the needle forward with all of us. But sometimes that isn't the situation. Sometimes it's the circumstance in which you have to train. And it feels like one more thing that we have to carry, one more part of the emotional labor of being an event professional. And you know what? It can feel like you're someone else's emotional support animal. And that is not what you signed up for. You feel like now, oh my gosh, at the end of my description, my job description, it says limited but or including but not limited to, and then like the emotional support person is in that mix. But what if it's not about being that emotional support or doing your boss's job for them? What if, and I've heard the phrase being used different ways. So we hear often managing up, but I'd like to reframe it as leading up. What if leading up is not about doing your boss's job? What if leading up is one of the ways you make your leadership visible? What if it is one of the ways in which you stop waiting to be invited to the strategic table, but start showing your perspective in a way that you're already at the strategic table or start looking at it as the formal invitation and the cute letterhead is not coming. You're already there, and you need to start acting like it. Because taking your seat at the table doesn't always start with a formal written letter and promotion or a new title, or someone formally handing you the authority. Sometimes it starts with how you communicate, how you frame the risk, how you are showing up to your job each and every day, and a perspective shift, a shift in how you're seeing the situation and not just in waiting for the invitation and just pulling up the seat. It can also show up in how you're naming the trade-off, bringing and sharing the recommendation, how you help the people above you make better decisions, and also the people across from you and down from you. That is what we're talking about today. So let's go and define it because I always like to start and level set because not everyone is coming at this situation from the same perspective or the same lens. So managing up or leading up, and I'm gonna continue to use leading up because I think managing up has this negative connotation, whereas leading up is really coming from a base and place of your own leadership. It's coming in with the autonomy that you have in the situation and the agency that you have in the situation, instead of perhaps this negative perspective where managing of is I'm doing someone else's job for them. So I always want to reframe it and I always want to make it go from the other perspective because why not look at the glass half full? I think that this concept is sometimes misunderstood. Sometimes people hear it and they're thinking I'm manipulating my boss or I'm telling my boss what to do, or I'm teaching others how to lead. So in unhealthy environments, in situations that are toxic and stressful, for sure. That is without a doubt, it can absolutely come off that way. And it's something to be cognizant of if you are in one. But if you're new to a job or you're in a person part of your career where things are like just a job, like it seems fine, then at its best, man, then at its best, and I'm gonna start transitioning, okay? We're not gonna say managing up, leading up is alignment. And alignment is such a corporate buzzword, and I get that, but I truly mean it's really making sure that other people understand where you're going and why things matter. It means understanding how the work moves between you and your leader, and then also your leader's leader. What are what is your leader thinking? And what are they thinking, maybe even two steps beyond where you currently are at? So it's being a bit proactive, but then also assessing what the situation needs in real time. So, how do they like to receive information? What decisions do they need visibility into? What pressures are they under? And where do they maybe need more context? They're not in the day-to-day, they're not in the weeds like we are. So, where are they likely to miss the details? They may not know that if vendor A walks, then the entire registration system isn't dismantled and there's no way to get people to this event. They may not know that the creative is actually being managed by two different agencies, and that's why the spend is so grand. So it's walking them through what the actual situation is, but in a way that is succinct and it's clear for them because they may not have the event planning background. But this is where you are the expert. You come in and you have the ability to make events the strategic pillar that it is. Okay, so I said alignment is the formal name, but one of the things that I've seen in my career is that what's behind it is empathy. It's understanding what the other person's perspective and what they're going through is so that you can reach mutual understanding. It's so basic, but we sometimes forget that our leaders are people too. They have their own pressures, they have their own stressors, and they have their own like personal lives that are going on too, that may be driving some of their decision-making or emotions. All of these things encompass. So when I started to look at leaders as just people, I started to feel like the guard came down and that I could approach a situation from a per place of humanity and understanding instead of frustration and conflict. So the technical skill that you have is secondary to all of this. You need the awareness first and the perspective shift to really move this forward. That combination, understanding the human costs, and then being able to do something clearly about it is exactly what makes someone irreplaceable in a way that a job description can never fully capture. Let's talk about how events really play into this. And I'm sure there are so many other jobs where this is part of it too, and you're functioning in a high high-paced environment, a place where there's a lot of moving pieces. So within events, though, because that is where my field is and that's where a lot of you are coming from, they're not just tasks. Events are timelines, they're budgets, they are stakeholders, executives, vendors, registration, attendee experience, brand moments, revenue goals, production details, and hundreds of tiny, tiny details that all affect one another. Your leader may not see every dependency. And it doesn't mean that they don't care when they don't understand something or when they say, let's just remove it. They just may not truly understand. And they're not coming at it from the same vantage point that you have. They may have never even been in events, and that doesn't make them less credible. They have other experience that helps guide their narrative or their leadership and where they are today, but that's where your leadership comes in. So leading up an event sounds like here's what I'm seeing, here's the impact of the decision, here are the trade-offs, here are the options, and my recommendation with it. I need your decision by Friday at 5 p.m. so that we can protect the timeline. It's not being difficult, it's not being pushy, and it is not stepping out of your lane. It is being decisive and very clear about the situation a hand, what the actual options are, and then presenting a solution so that you can remedy whatever it is to then move on to the next step. This, dare I say it, is called strategic event leadership. It's taking the agency, it's taking your expertise and drilling it down to what exactly the event needs and what your leader needs to hear. I want to have this mindset conversation because that doesn't happen overnight, right? People are probably, if you're still here, you're like, okay, I get it, but why is this still on me? Like, why do I have to figure it out? And there are absolutely neat leaders who need to communicate better. They need to be clearer, they need to be, they need to stop changing decisions at the last minute. But I think what also helps with understanding why things happen at the last minute is asking the why. Like, where did this new decision come from? And just coming from a place of curiosity, because maybe it's not something that the leader that's telling you it specifically did. Maybe it's coming from the CEO or a president of a company and it's informing something else, or there's a whole new competition shift in the landscape of the business that you're in. And now the domino has fallen so many steps that now it leads into the event and why maybe the keynote speaker needs to change. Instead of getting frustrated, asking the questions, being able to better understand the why behind a decision is being made will really help go from resentment to responsibility and then action and also give you more information about what how everything connects to one another. It also may be something that your leader's not expecting you to do. And they're like, oh, wow, that's a good question. And look, growing up in a Hispanic household where I was told um children are meant to be seen and not heard. I know that's done things to my psyche where I'm like, oh, okay, uh, maybe I I don't have the agency to ask this question because I'm just supposed to be a fly on the wall. I'm just supposed to be happy and excited that I'm just part of this room. And I'm not able to speak up. But it's not true. You're not a child. And even if and even if it was true at the time, you're not a child, you're an adult, you are a leader, and it's time to show, start showing up as one. Ask the questions that you need to get to move the needle, to cast a vision with your team and have a better understanding of what is going on. And this is where I bring it full circle of we have choices. One of the most empowering things we can remember is that we are not a tree. We are not stuck where we are. And we have the choice to lead differently, to look for a new environment, if that's what's best for us, to create our own table and build our own business, or ask better questions so that we can have a better understanding, to make a decision that's right for us and our life, to maybe just stop expecting a place or a person to give us something that they cannot give themselves or what they've already shown is not available, or maybe that they've shown it is available. You just have to look at it differently. So all of this is a choice. And I've had the moments where I'm like, I want them to understand the weight of the work, I want them to understand how many details I was carrying. I wanted them to recognize that I was more than just organized and I was thinking ahead. I was managing the risk, I was mitigating the financial risk of things happening or falling apart, and I was protecting the experience. And I also saw the bigger picture. But people cannot value what they cannot see and what they cannot hear or understand. They're leaders with so many different things going on that taking your seat at the table begins with making it visible for them before anyone gives you that official invitation. And it doesn't mean proving yourself endlessly, like showing up days and nights and weekends and all the time, but it means choosing the moment that count. It means communicating your leadership clearly enough so that people understand the level you are already operating from. Because when people can see how you think and not just like all the micro tasks that you're doing, they can begin to trust you at a different level. Okay, so let's go back to the idea of empathy. Empathy is defined as again, looking at things from another perspective, seeing and imagining yourself in their shoes. So we often want people, especially our leaders, to understand what we're going through. And they should, but are we reciprocating the same sentiment? If your leader is constantly in meetings, they may not need a 12-paragraph update, but they may just need a headline and the bullet points, the risk, the decision. Maybe your leader is more detail-oriented, so they want a bit more. So instead of just saying everything's fine, I have it handled, give them enough context so that they trust you to have the plan covered. Maybe your leader is more of a creative visionary and are constantly coming up with new ideas, and you're like, oh my gosh, I love all of these ideas. That is great. Here's what we would need to shift in order to make that a reality, or here's the additional cost to make that a reality. So it's just grounding it and coming into it with that calm leadership to address the situation with what it needs and what it deserves. So here's where you're protecting yourself, you're protecting your team and the event experience because you're helping your leader lead better, because you are giving them the clarity and the context they need, and that builds trust. So let's talk about more practical applications of what this looks like. It can look like flagging a risk before it becomes urgent. It can look like saying, we can do that, but here is the trade-off, like we just talked about before. If they're a creative leader, you're saying, I love that idea, but here is where we would need to add more budget or change something or shift a few other priorities to make that happen. It looks like giving your leader two options instead of presenting a problem. It can just look like clarifying, do you want to be involved in this decision, or would you prefer that I move forward and keep you updated as I move along? Or asking what level of visibility do you want on this event? Do you want every detail every week, every day? Do you want meetings on a weekly cadence? Like, how do you want to approach this? Because they may have some ideas. They may or may they may not have thought of it. So it can be that collaborative conversation where you're building that trust and you're anticipating not every single need, but even your needs. How do I want to get information? How do I need to prepare my team to come into these conversations? And then you're also being able to understand what they're looking for so that you're prepared and you're equipped to handle it to the best of your ability. Maybe you're saying, here are three things I need from you this week to keep us on track. If they're constantly in meetings and you're like, I'm never gonna get to them, but I need these three decisions to be made. Or it can also look like helping your leader understand that a decision is not just a decision, it has operational, financial timeline, and attendee experience implications. So when they say, I'm not gonna get you the creative on this day, you say, Okay, I understand that. It will cost an additional $10,000 if we change the deadline by a week. And it may run a risk of delivering the creative to the venue on time so that we can have it at the start of the event. You're able to see the ripple effects. You're able to see how the dominoes fall from one decision that's being made. And it's what makes you so valuable and incredible. You can see what's coming, you can, you know how this works. You can see the gap between the big idea and what it will take to actually execute it well. Leading up is just bringing that perspective forward and having the courage to do so. Because you can have this all in your head, but if you don't have the courage to lean into it and say it out loud or write it in an email, that is where you present an obstacle for yourself. So, why does this earn you a seat at the table? And a seat at the strategic table is not just about being included in the meeting, it's about being trusted to contribute to the decisions that are being made. When you lead up well, people begin to experience you differently. You are no longer just the person managing the checklist. You become the person who sees around the corners, you become the person who helps leaders make better decisions and save your team from the hours of labor to turn things over and over. You become the person who connects the dots to the business outcome and that person who understands the room, the pressure, the people, the strategy, and being able to bring all those pieces together. You are already doing it. Now it's just walking into it like the person, like a future person you think you are, but it's happening right now in real time. This is how the trust is built. It's not from just one big magical moment, it's from the consistent moments of clarity, of following up, of following through, of consistent communication. It's those recommendations that are spot on, or being able to anticipate the crisis before it becomes a crisis, right? So if the there's a hurricane approaching, you're already aware of it and communicating it to your leader so that they feel comfortable, they feel empowered, they feel trusted, so that if someone else comes around and is like, oh, I hear there's a hurricane coming, they're already equipped to say, hey, everything's figured out. So if you hear of any customers being stressed, then just know we have a cover. We're able to extend their hotel room. We're able to call the airlines through the travel agency and have it all taken care of. It's bringing that relief to the people around you in a different way. It's that awareness of what matters to the business and the people around you, and it creates connection, it creates that influence, that access, that stronger voice. It creates that seat at the table for you to pull up the chair because people start to realize we need them in the conversation earlier. They are the ones that know everything. And instead of having a bottleneck between another person, we need, I was gonna say Shayla. I don't know why that name came to mind. We could be Shayla, it could be Jessica, it can be um Latoya or you know what, John or Jack or James. I don't know why they all became J names, but that's not the point. It's not because you demanded it, it's because your leadership made the work better. So, simple framework for event professionals who are new to this situation, who are still trying to absorb what it looks like to be this strategic leader that's leading up. Okay. So Think about these few things next time a situation comes up that you're like, oh, maybe I need this is an opportunity for me to lead up, or you're starting your next event and you want to start off on the best footing possible. Okay. So think about what is the business climate right now. Has competition risen? Are there things that are affecting the product that you're selling or the people that you're serving? Next, you're gonna think about how this event contribute to the business or solve a problem that the business is currently facing? Maybe they're looking to be more innovative. Maybe this event is helping the business be closer to the people that they want to serve and that they want to be in front of. So consider that. When you're thinking about your leaders now, what do they care most about in this situation? What do they need to know to make a good decision? And what might they not see from where they're sitting? What risk, trade-off, or dependency do I need to make visible? What recommendation can I bring instead of only bringing a problem? And lastly, where do I know? What do I need to be a bit more courageous in this situation? Do I need to like do the Wonder Woman pose? Do I need to start practicing the speech a bit more? Do I maybe need to run my email through AI just to make it sound a bit more strategic? What do I need to feel confident to be more of that strategic leader and take my seat at the table? And then when you know all of these answers, or when you've at least thought of them through, start drafting it. Write the headline, what it means, the trade-off of risk, option A or B, the recommendation associated with it that you think is best because, and then outline the decision or the next steps. So here's an example. Registration is pacing slightly behind the goal. We're about 12% behind where we were this time last year. The risk is that if we wait another two weeks, we may need much heavier promotional push closer to the event, which will cost X number of dollars. We have two options. We can either activate the sales outreach this week or wait for the next marketing email. But that next marketing email comes in two weeks. My recommendation is to activate the sales outreach team right now so we can create momentum earlier. If you agree, I'll draft a message and send it for approval by tomorrow. That is leading up. It's clear. It is helpful, it's strategic, it is respectful of everyone's time and money and the situation at hand. It is urgent, but it didn't come off as if everything was on fire. We have to solve this now, drop everything, or we have to abandon the event. It wasn't chaotic, it was calm, it was focused. And when you think about the leader you want to become, think about how you want to handle these situations. Is it like this, or is it with that dog emoji where everything is fine and burning behind you, and you're just sitting there like, it's fine? Where do you want to show up as a leader? How do you want to be there? Or I want you to think about one leader, one stakeholder, one executive, or one client that you are working with right now. What emotions are guiding your leadership right now? What is your leader or client carrying? And where can you be more strategic in your response? That is about leading with more intention and realizing that you do have agency in the relationship. You can create more clarity or ask better questions. You can help the work move forward in a way that supports both you and your leader. Closing thoughts where managing up is actually leading up. It is not about making yourself responsible for every gap in leadership. Leading up is about recognizing that leadership is relational. It moves in more than one direction. And when you start to see your leader as a whole person with capacity limits, pressures, blind spots, and competing priorities, you begin to lead differently. You stop waiting for the perfect conditions. You stop waiting to be managed perfectly. You stop waiting for someone to invite you or your perspective into the room. And you start practicing strategic leadership from the seat you're already in. That is what builds trust. That is what creates connection. That is what helps people see you as more than organized, more than reliable, more than the person who just gets it done. Because you are not just managing the event, you are helping lead the relationship, lead the decisions, the success of the events, the clarity, the outcome. And that is the kind of leader that gets noticed and gets recognized. So, with all of that said, I hope you feel worthy today and every day. I hope this helped start thinking of the situation a bit differently and offered a new perspective. So, without further ado, until next time, have a great week. Bye, everyone.