Episode 35: The New Rules of Dating: What Actually Matters in 2026

Dating has changed a lot over the last 30 years, and so have the rules. In this episode, Amanda and Ashton break down a modern list of dating "rules" inspired by a recent conversation on love, relationships, and what actually matters when looking for a partner. From breadcrumbing and texting habits to shared values, first-date red flags, paying the bill, talking about children, and they share personal stories, hard-earned lessons, and plenty of laughs along the way.

Whether you're dating, engaged, married, or just fascinated by modern relationships, this episode offers practical insights on building healthier connections and avoiding common pitfalls in today's dating world.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

This podcast is for the woman who refuses to settle. The one who knows she was made for more. It's for the audacious woman who is ready to burn the chips, own her story, and create a life built on radical self-belief. I'm Amanda Galloway.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

I'm Ashton Greer. We are your podcast hosts, and we welcome you to the Audacity Podcast. Hello. Hey.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

What's up?

SPEAKER_02 0:26

How much? Ashton's in a mood.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

I've been in a mood for a little bit. Um, I'm on vacation this week, so I I took a week off work and um I literally have done the bare minimum every day. Like there's like a few tasks I like absolutely have to get done. And then I've been like I don't even know what I've been doing. What yeah, what do you do on a staycation? Um, well I got my nails done. I've been going to the gym every day. So I've been going to the gym today. Um I have a facial scheduled today. Nice. A facial. Um I've been like packing a little bit because I'm moving. So I've been like packing and taking things to goodwill and stuff. Yeah. Um taking care of the puppies. The nine puppies, they my garage smells like a farm. Because they shit everywhere and I have to clean it out every like other day. So gross. Yeah, today when I get home I have to clean up a bunch of shit. Um anyway, I don't know. I've been like doing the laundry, it's all caught up, the dishes. Um I watched a lot of movies. I've taken a nap almost every day. Good. I don't know. I love a nap. I love naps. The level of burnout I think that I'm experiencing is unlike anything I've ever experienced. Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

But you're saying a lot, but you do so much. Yeah. You say yes to a lot.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

But you've been doing better about saying no to things, but Yeah, I just have like I don't know, I have it was today Thursday, so Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. I have four days left of my kids being on vacation and me not having work. And I thought like by today I would be like ready to go back to work. But I'm like so sad that I only have four days left.

SPEAKER_02 2:19

Well, the good thing is you are your own boss, essentially.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Yeah, in most most regards.

SPEAKER_02 2:27

I mean Yeah. Yeah. So maybe this is a just a preemptive vacation. Vacation before the vacation. Maybe we need to go back to California. Maybe. That sounds really nice. Let's do that. Let's go to the Redwoods again. Okay. So I can be one with nature. It's so nice. It's so nice in the Redwoods.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

I just loved the wine.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

Oh, that was great. So nice. Great time. So that that maybe we just need to schedule that.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

Yeah. Yeah. I think I had just an emotional because it's like period week and um over dramatic and I'm just being over melodramatic. I'm fine. I'll be fine in two days. This podcast will be good. I promise to keep my attitude in check. It's okay. Just show up, be you. Yeah. I don't care. I'm just like getting upset about irrational things. I was telling Amanda this morning. Yeah. Like things that are like really irrational are making me like really upset.

SPEAKER_02 3:31

That was me yesterday, and it was over so I'm planning my wedding, right? And my future father-in-law will not be there. Okay. Why not? He is going on a motorcycle trip. And I was telling Antonio, I was like, I just don't know how I feel about this.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

Before you pick the date?

SPEAKER_02 3:52

They do this every year, apparently, it's a thing. And he gets so excited about it. And Antonio's mom is going with, but she's flying back to be there for the wedding. But he's gonna stay there. And I was just like kind of in I was just kind of uh in a mood, and then one of his his sister in laws wouldn't be there either. And I just started thinking, like, what the heck? My and my grandmother's already like, what time can I leave? And I'm like, I start getting in this mood over it. Yeah. And I'm like, screw everybody. Let's just elope. Elope. Like, I don't even care. You guys don't want to be here anyway. So I'm excited for it. Personally, I can't wait. So and yesterday we started freaking out because not freaking out, but we almost changed the venue and the date, very last minute. We because I think our idea of what we wanted is not happening now. It's like it's so hard to plan a wedding in literally five months. I highly do not recommend it. Yeah. Plan like a year in advance because all the venues are packed. So now we have to have the wedding on a Friday, and ideally, that's not what I want. So now the Catholic Church only allows us to come at either one o'clock or six o'clock. Well, six o'clock is too late. Yeah. One o'clock is too early. And now it's just like, I don't know. The whole planning of it is just not my thing. I do not enjoy planning events at all.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

We're gonna talk about it after this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

Or tomorrow.

SPEAKER_03 5:24

Or oh yeah, we could do it tomorrow too.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

Yeah. So that I was in a mood, and Antonio was like, Amanda, like people are gonna people. And I was like, You're right. Logically, I know. Emotionally, I do not.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

I think it's hard though when people choose something that you wouldn't choose, like you would fly back for your son's wedding. Oh yeah. Like you would do that.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

So when somebody's a stepdad too, just FYI. He's a stepdad. Antonio's dad is dead.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Right. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

I don't know either. I don't know. I would fly back. I don't know. So whatever. Um it'll be what it'll be. And so there is something to be said about like you can logically understand something and still emotionally it not resonate with you, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:17

For sure. Especially when you're about to start your period. Nothing is I mean, you get upset over the silliest things. I do. I get ex not just you.

SPEAKER_03 6:24

Yeah. Like a two-day emotional outburst internally, right? Yeah. Or something so silly.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

It's so dumb. I don't know why this is okay. Why why were we created this way?

SPEAKER_03 6:38

I I feel like I was actually thinking about it last night because when I don't understand something, I like analyze it and I ask a lot of questions. So I was thinking about it last night and I was like, this is probably our body's way of making us confront and feel things that we repress. Like we have to get these emotions out, otherwise, like But it logically doesn't make sense. No, but I clearly have strong feelings about it. So I'm like, okay, I have very strong feelings about this. And then it, you know, it brings me to all these questions and I mean, which are also probably illogical. But I'm very upset.

SPEAKER_02 7:11

Oh, I'm laughing. Because I I get it. Well, tomorrow will be better. I promise. I hope so. I hope so. I just need my period to start. Yeah. And it'll be better. So do you want to get into today's topic? Yeah. It's going to be fun. It's very funny. I'm so excited about this topic. So I sent Amanda an article on modern love. Yeah. From the New York Times.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Mm-hmm. And um, you want to tell them what it is?

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Yeah. So apparently 31 years ago on Valentine's Day, there was a book that was released called The Rules. And it provided 35 rules for dating. And the article came out because it was like, I think we need a refresh. I mean, 35 years a lot has changed. You need some new dating rules. Yes. In this dating world, it's crazy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Crazy.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

So they're funny and they're also so real.

SPEAKER_03 8:00

Mm-hmm. Some of them I like, some of them I don't. Yeah, and we can talk about it. So we'll talk about each each rule.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Yeah. Uh and I think men really need to listen to this.

SPEAKER_03 8:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Also I mean women do too. I think this is interesting. A lot of these, I think, were met they were written by women for well, these dating rules were crowdsourced.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

So they did like polls and research and asked their readers about this. So like these 35 ret these 35 new new rules, um, they are basically the best responses that they got from people. Okay. I think that's interesting too.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

A lot of the comments underneath are by women. I think that's why I thought it was mainly women providing these rules. But yeah, it could be anybody or both.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah. Anybody.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Rule number one, you go.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Don't be gross.

unknown 8:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Really going into it.

SPEAKER_03 8:52

So it says don't immediately talk about medical maladies that are gross and controllable.

SPEAKER_02 8:57

I agree. I mean, I what's the point? Are you trying to get empathy?

SPEAKER_03 9:03

I don't know. I went on a date uh with a guy once, and he immediately started telling me, well, first, like, we were talking about like going to get dinner, but then he started to tell me he doesn't eat vegetables or fruit.

unknown 9:14

Who?

SPEAKER_03 9:15

So he was like, I don't like vegetables or fruit. And my flags were like immediately like Yes. You don't like vegetables or fruit. Like, what do you eat? Like, you're gonna die. Um You're gonna die. Yeah, so like all that is kind of going on in my mind, but then also he starts talking about he has these health conditions and like his legs swell up, and like he's only like 30 or something, and I don't know. It would for me, it was like all of that information. Maybe like if I was in love with you, I'd be like, I can work with this. But on the first date, I had no attachments. And I was like, this is too much for me to sign up for.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

I mean, you can all you can be one of these people who shares this stuff, but not on the first date. Right. You've got to share it eventually. Eventually you have to. All right, second one is keeping score. So if you're keeping score, like who messaged first, how long between message replies, you've already lost. So when it's right, you will feel calm, not anxious. And I could not agree more with this. Consistency is everything. With Antonio, he was consistent. But I tell you what, there were some men out there that just really breadcrumbed me.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Yeah. And wasted my life. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But you know, even if a man is consistent, I think if you're like you or I and have an anxious tendency early in a relationship, it just is anxiety-inducing, regardless. Yes. Because, like, I don't know, because it just is. But I will say once a man is consistent for a long time, your anxiety should go away. Like you should recognize how he like keeps showing up. Yeah. Consistency is the key. Mm-hmm. Uh, the next rule is shared values. Shared values are far more important than shared interests.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

I agree. So I had before I started dating Antonio, I wrote down a list of all the foundational needs that I need in a relationship. And I was very firm in them because I dated too many people that I just it was truly like they really long term would not work out. Right. And I was putting energy into people that uh just weren't worth it. So it's a good way to really weed out some people and be consistent and true to yourself on what you want.

SPEAKER_03 11:27

Yeah, I think um shared interest, people are always like, well, we we both like hiking, we both like outdoors, whatever. And like that's like really, really important. But um really it's more, you know, your values.

SPEAKER_02 11:40

Like I wanted someone who was a good dad, and I mean there are so many qualities, like go ambitious and likes to I mean I I did put like likes to travel, but having a cultural awareness, yeah, which uh in the Midwest can sometimes be hard to find because people are pretty rigid in their belief system. So someone who is open-minded, yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Um, what's next? Rule four is skepticism. So be skeptical of statements made on the first date. If they say, I don't see race, get ready to walk. If they say I love a smart woman, run. I I don't know about I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Have you ever had an experience like that where somebody says something and you're like, my gosh, uh let me tell you a story.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Yeah. This was literally the worst date I have ever been on.

SPEAKER_03 12:35

And you've been on a lot of dates.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Yeah, it was oh my gosh, this man. What happened? So he is staunchly Republican. Okay, like incredibly Republican. I know this very, oh my gosh, very, you know, he looks very proper, he looks educated, he he looks the part. Yeah, I don't he wasn't even that attractive to me about it.

SPEAKER_03 13:01

Like that he grooms himself.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

Right, right, and he seems to have been successful. But I sit down at dinner with this man, and it was literally like watching paint dry. But then he starts talking about his ex and he starts talking about this time when he's in Chicago and there was this black guy who had a gun and a restaurant like on his like in like on his belt, right? Okay, and he starts raising such a which is weird for a Republican, right? They're pretty yeah, I mean he's for guns. Right, okay. But he only did it because the guy was black. Ugh. He's telling me the story, and I was like, you could be like you have you are so unattractive to me right now. And there was a lot throughout that date that was just completely a red flag. But yes, I I listened and I ran. Yeah, yeah. Never talked to him again.

SPEAKER_03 13:56

I I never had that, but I had a guy tell me on the first date that he was into um polyamory.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

Yeah, and I'm glad he told me because that's not my jam. I'm way too jealous of a person. Yeah, same. Yeah. I like the next one. Okay, is it me? Yeah. Okay, sorry. Roommates. After age 28, no roommates. I agree. I agree. Yeah, if they have a roommate or they live at home, something like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Yeah, there was one guy that I went on a date with, and he still lived with like his buddies, and it was too bachelor pad, yeah, fraternity for me. I was like, absolutely not. It just felt so childish, yeah, juvenile. I agree with that. Yeah. All right, rule six meeting up. Okay, get to the meet as fast as possible. Do not waste endless hours texting and messaging. Oh my gosh. I do not want. Sorry, I'm going on and on about this. I'm very passionate about it, uh, apparently. I do not want a pen pal.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 14:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:59

I just noticed that we match again, which I find humorous. We are always matching on accident. We're both in all black. Um, my my thought on this is FaceTime before you go on the date. Because you want to make sure that you're meeting somebody that doesn't give you like weird vibes. You want to make sure that there's at least some sort of like connection through the phone, you know? Yeah. Um, and also like I think you can tell a lot from a FaceTime call on if you want to go on that date. Like, I've had dates scheduled, insisted on a FaceTime call first, and then canceled the date. Because I could tell just through a FaceTime call that it wasn't gonna go anywhere.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

I like the idea of going to meet someone for coffee, and it doesn't have to be long. It's just a very initial like do we vibe, and if you do anything, then you can have dinner with them.

SPEAKER_03 15:48

Yeah, I like that too. Yeah. Okay. Rule seven civility. Watch how your date treats servers, waiters, busers, baristas, janitors, etc. Watch how they interact with unhoused people and panhandlers too. A lack of respect, including not making eye contact, means no second date. Yeah. So I think it's just signaling empathy. I remember I went on a date once um with a guy I had just started seeing, and um, at the end of the date, we had come into the restaurant like really late. Oh, she's sneezing. Excuse me. We'd come into the restaurant really late, they're about to close. And to the server, like he said, like, hey, we don't we won't sit down if you are ready to go home. Yeah. And she was like, No, like I'm actually paying for my own college. I really need the t the tips, like I need the table. She's like, 'cause I'll work late. So knowing that at the end of the date, he tipped her a 50 because she stayed for us and she was paying for college. And anyway, I remember just being like, I like this man, and I ended up dating him for a very long time. Okay. So like it's just a really I don't know, it was a good signal to me of generosity and like this consideration of another person. Yeah, and this person is like still this way to like wait stuff, and especially people who are um serving well, serving and struggling, like struggling people, like I don't know, and I really, really appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Yeah, that's a good quality. The next one is vetting. So before the end of the first day, ask if they are registered to vote. I don't understand. I don't like that one.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

I don't like it. Moving on. That's from somebody who like it's really important that like social justice and like we vote and like I get that, but also like I have a good healthy amount of cynicism about our governmental system. So I kind of get it if people don't vote easily.

SPEAKER_02 17:29

Um I think it kind of goes back to shared values though.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

It does.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

And uh you can vet a lot of different things, like whether one whether you want children, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

Or do you go to church? Like, you know, for this person, voting was like a deal breaker, apparently.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

Rule nine we already talked about, getting coffee, they didn't realize that was on there.

SPEAKER_03 17:48

Cooking dinner together once is better than dining out ten times. Oh, yeah. I agree with that. I like that. Yeah. I think when you go to somebody, you learn a lot about like their I mean their creativity, their willingness to like put in help, their um how messy of a cook they are. That's important.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

How healthy they might be or not healthy.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Right. How much Italian seasoning do they put on their pizza? You know? You learn a lot. Okay. Um, number 10, reflecting, a serious red flag is if your date talks negatively about an ex, my ex is the nightmare who ruined my life. They show no insight into their role in the breakdown, and you will most likely be their next story. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Um, it's there's always two people in a breakdown. And sometimes it is like one person was, you know, not able to do their part or had something. But what I've learned is that like the something that bothers me isn't the something that bothers someone else. So maybe they're not a terrible person. Maybe they're just not right for me.

SPEAKER_02 18:51

This to me is a big indication if someone has healed from that previous relationship, and that is a good sign if they have been able to take accountability for their part. I can say from the other side of it where I was not healed, I could have been one of these people.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

I don't know if I really would bring it up on a first date, but I was certainly one of those people that it took me a long time to find accountability in my part.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, it can be because the pain was so deep. Yeah. When the pain is there, it's really hard to have an objective view. It's just everything is so subjective. They hurt me, and that's that.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:26

Um, but then you get to the other side of it. I had that actually happen with me where I was so upset with my ex-husband, and then I got into a place of like deep pain, and I started acting mean. And then I was like, oh, this must be how he felt. Like, this is why he was being so mean, is because his pain was so intense. Right. And it made me understand him better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

I like rule number 11. Um, first date, pay for the first date, dude. Don't overthink it.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Simple.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

Simple, do it. Agreed.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

When a guy wants to like 50-50 the first date, you're like, Ugh, gross.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

You don't want to come back for a next date, really. Listen, I get the whole feminism part of it too. And I but I just think that it shows the character of the person. Yeah. But we also are probably more conservative. Well, we are more conservative when it comes to dating. Yes. And gender rules, so just take that for what it's worth.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Rule 12 is third date. If the woman doesn't offer to pay for a part of the date by the end of the third date, I won't ask her to get out again. Interesting. So this is a man who wants to make sure that she's not just there for his resources. That like she is willing to um or she respects his resources and she's like, no, you don't need to pay for every day. Like, I don't need to be your liability. Let me split the bill with you, or let me pay for this one. Yeah. I'm like that. Yeah, I think it's generous. Yeah, I'm like that. So I think I get that too. If imagine if you went on a date with a guy and you paid every time and on the third date you're still paying, and he was like not offering any assistance. Not even like, hey, let's go get dessert, I'll buy you that, or let's get a nightcap and I'll buy you a drink. Like just some sort of generosity that's returned.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

And rule thirteen is who pays, whoever invites pays. I don't know. I I don't agree with that. I I don't know that I do either. I think communication is key here.

SPEAKER_03 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

Showing generosity.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

But yeah, I think if you make the invitation, it is nice to offer to pay.

SPEAKER_02 21:19

Yeah, in rule fourteen it says if I have no interest in seeing him again, I insist on paying for myself. Which I think that's respectful. That is very respectful. I like that one. I do like that one.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

I like that. Okay. Um rule 15 worrisome names. Avoid men who go by the childhood diminutive of their name. Ugh. John who goes by Johnny is an example. As they often remain childlike as adults.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Ugh. There's nothing worse than Peter Pan syndrome anyway. Um I would that's I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Or like Thomas who goes by Tommy. Ben, who goes by Benny. Yeah. Jake, who goes by Jakey. You know, like I don't I agree. I don't know. I don't I don't know. I mean, I wouldn't say that a hundred of percent of men who go by their childhood nicknames are childish, but I would say it's probably pretty high.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

I mean, there's yeah. I've never really thought about that. I'll have to think about that more.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

Like Antonio goes by Tony, you know. I'm just gonna I'm just gonna That was a joke. Okay, rule 16, pack your backs. Travel together as soon as possible. You'll see how they interact with the world and handle both disappointment and joy.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

I love this because traveling is stressful. It is stressful, and I think it it's it's an indication of how someone is going to handle things in real life. Like going to the airport, I don't care how many times you've been there, it is stressful. There's so many people, you don't know what to expect, and I I get it. Like I I totally understand, but it shows a lot of someone's character and how they manage stressful situations, and therefore, how are they going to handle stressful situations when you are living it life with them?

SPEAKER_03 23:02

Yeah, I agree. I've learned a lot about people traveling with them. Yeah. I've traveled with quite a few um boyfriends, like gone on little trips or things, and um, yes.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

I want to be the passenger princess. Antonio has planned everything when it comes to traveling. That's great. He plans the flights, he plans where we're going, like our honeymoon. He's planned everything. I know nothing except the where we're going. I think that would give me anxiety. Ugh, I love it. That's so nice. I just always want to be a passenger princess.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

I like to plan the vacations, uh, every detail. Um, maybe like a little input from them. I okay. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Listen, this is when we're going overseas.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

This means I can take you on vacation and you would be happy.

SPEAKER_02 23:45

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes, please.

SPEAKER_03 23:47

Okay. Um, rule 17, sex. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 23:51

Don't have sex too soon because sex can hijack your brain and make you think they're the one when they're not. And the going into rule 18, it says make sexual contact early-ish. Life is too short to waste on bad sex. I prefer to go get to the bottom of it literally sooner rather than later. So I do agree that with women, more so than men, it can cloud your judgment. And actually, Antonio, he when we first started dating, he was like, I want to get to know you first. So let's put a hold on sex. Which was to me, I was like, oh my gosh, like this is so yeah, this is so rare, like what the heck? Like my alarm bells were going off. But as he explained it to me, he was like, I am just at a point in my life where you know, I really want to make sure that I'm thinking of this from the right perspective. Yeah. Because it really and as women, it really can give us rose-colored glasses, and our hormones are uh just yeah, so different after you've had sex. So our brain chemicals. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:54

I told Amanda today, I was like, I am 35 years old, I should not be an emotional wreck anymore. Like, why do I not have it together? Why, though? Like, why are women so susceptible to all these things?

SPEAKER_02 25:06

Um, I don't think anybody r truly knows what they want unless they've actually taken the time to discover that within themselves. I think we all live in this, like I think it's very common.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

I'm more just talking about emotional craziness.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Um, but but the the thoughts on the sex thing, it's basically don't have sex too soon, but also don't wait a really long time. Because if you wait a long time and then it's like say, you know, you wait till marriage and you get married and you haven't had sex, and then you have sex and it's like horrible and there's you know no chemistry. You c yeah, you can. Um I don't want to say too much. You can, unless you have a partner that's unwilling. Uh yeah. Like there's just certain things like they don't want to do, or they're they think that's weird, or they yeah, you know, and so then you're with somebody who's like a prude for you know 14 years. That's a good point. Or whatever. Yeah, yeah, it's not fun. Speaking from experience. Um uh rule 19 young men, helpful reminder, dating men in their 20s can be like an unpaid internship. So true. Amen to that. I can relate to that.

SPEAKER_02 26:11

My long-term relationship before Antonio was was he was in his twenties, and I mean I learned a lot. Was he younger than you?

SPEAKER_03 26:20

Yeah. By how much? A few years. Huh. I think. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

I've erased that part of my brain.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

I do feel like I teach, you know, some some things that haven't been taught yet with with the younger the younger man. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

And it's like, ugh, this is why I'm attracted to older men. I my ex-husband was seven years older than me, Antonio seven years older than me. There's nothing more that I like than a man who just has experienced life, has learned, has healed, has done a lot of work, and I don't have to train them. Just food for thought for those who are dating.

SPEAKER_03 26:58

I don't know. Um, I had only dated older men, at least a little bit older than me. Um, and then one younger man. I don't know, there's pros and cons to both in a way. Because I think you get like a little more like flip spirit or like free spiritedness and like you know, a little less seriousness. Um rigidness. The rigidness, yeah, exactly. There's not as much rigidness because you know, and then you can like grow together if you if you start young, you grow up together, which I think can be really uh beneficial. Um but there's also a lot of things that men unfortunately just do mature later in women than life in life than women. Yeah. So like there's some things that you're just kind of like waiting on. Yeah. Fair. Yeah. Rule 20 texting, put some effort into your text and proofread. No one wants to reach for the Rosetta Stone to decipher your messy emissives.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Okay, I have beef with you over something, over over a texting situ like You know, you and everyone else. I'm teasing her. No, listen, I'm teasing her. Um acronyms. Like happy birthday HBD. Oh, you don't like that? I hate him.

unknown 28:07

Huh.

SPEAKER_02 28:08

It's not just you, I was just teasing you because I saw you do that recently. I do it. Um I feel like it's like I don't want to even type out happy birthday to you because like my time. Like, I'm just HBD.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Huh. You know how I see it? Yeah, I see it like I don't want to type out happy birthday to you because my time. I'm just like, my time is valuable. It means the same thing. They know what this means.

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Like, uh She did this to me on my birthday, and I was like, wow, thanks, Ashton. HBD. Sorry. No, it's it I'm totally teasing you. Yeah, you did. Um I I'm laughing about it because when you put effort into texting just in general, it shows not you. Okay, I'm talking about men. Um, but a guy did this to me where he was like using acronyms, and I was so it was like C, like the letter C and U. And I was just like, ew.

SPEAKER_03 29:01

C U L A E R.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Like I love, I love a literate man.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

I agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:10

Yeah, like you know, put a period at the end of a sentence. A little punctuation goes a long way. Yeah, I agree. Okay, rule twenty one.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

Today's not the day to tease you.

SPEAKER_03 29:18

You know, it's good. I'm gonna file that and I'll probably never use an acronym again.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

I never will. No, now I'm gonna find it endearing about it, you. Now now that I know it, like I'm gonna find it endearing. Okay, rule 21, have the conversation about children as soon as possible. If you're a no, don't date a maybe. I I find this interesting because I'll I'll be a little vulnerable here. Antonio and I really got into it over marriage.

SPEAKER_03 29:48

And wait, wait, wait. In the past, right?

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I was gonna say now we're good. We're obviously we're getting married. But it was a huge red flag because the first guy that I was engaged to did not want to get married. And I was like, listen, I'm not going to sell my house, I'm not going to move in with you and be your forever girlfriend. Like a level of that commitment is very important to me.

SPEAKER_03 30:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

And then later on, I didn't meet Antonio. And Antonio's been married twice. Right. And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I start talking about marriage, and he's like, freaks out. So I say all this to say, I think one, it is especially important to talk about children because if you want to have a child, yeah, that is so important and so fundamental.

SPEAKER_03 30:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Marriage to me was also very fundamental. So it was something that I really had to be like, listen, no, I I am going to get married again. And if this is not something you want to do, then I'm sorry. Like I will have to move on. And he actually did this with his ex-girlfriend. She wanted to have a child and he he had a vasectomy and he didn't want and they ended up breaking up. Um so I think it is very I I think it's important to talk about it, and I think that there's also room for flexibility given the situation.

SPEAKER_03 31:09

I don't know. I think if you're someone who wants to have a child and it's like your vision for your life, and it's so important to you, and then you start dating and you meet people who are like, absolutely not, I'm not having children. I think it is appropriate early to be like, this isn't a fit.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Yeah, I think mar the marriage and the children conversation can be very different, but children are different, very different.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

Because you can accomplish a marriage-like relationship without actually getting married. You can't accomplish a child without actually having a child. Like, you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:41

I think it's I think it's kind to be honest. And I think it was I agree. I think it was kind for Antonio to break up with his ex because she desperately wanted a child. Yeah. And why I mean you would hold a grudge against someone who has children and yet won't give you a child.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that was the right thing to do. Yeah, I think so too. Um job talk. Stop reviewing each other's resumes. Instead, talk about what motivates you. I love this.

SPEAKER_02 32:14

I love this. I want to see that someone has passion for something. Yeah. And is motivated by something. Like I d I dated one guy that he had a job that he was not passionate about. But one of the things that I did not, I actually was so turned off by and I didn't go on another date with him. Actually, maybe I did. Maybe I went on one more date with him. You met him. Okay. He was so kind, but he had no ambition. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

I like it.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

He was I really liked him, but he had no motivation. Yep. And I don't want to be this one that's always wanting to achieve and do stuff. And like I want someone that I can grow with.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

Yeah. I would say that is really attractive to me when somebody has like a passion, or um, like one guy um in my history, I had asked him, like, when do you want to retire? Like, what do you what do you know? And he was like, I don't want to retire. Like, I want to like live and contribute back to society until I die. Yeah. Like, and I loved that.

SPEAKER_02 33:16

I think that's really cool. That reminded me of a story. There was this one girl, her name's Sarah. She lived in Indianapolis, and she was beautiful, has everything together, like amazing. Well, we went on a date with the same man.

unknown 33:29

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

And she warned me before. She said, if he asked me what my credit score was and what like ba he knew about her job, he wanted to know how much she had in investments on the first date. And I was like, Oh, absolutely not. Could you imagine if someone on your their first date they're asking you what your credit score is?

SPEAKER_03 33:50

Ugh, I mean this man is still not married. Listen, money is the number one indicator of divorce or the reason for divorce, financial. Um, so I don't like that approach, it's like super cold and lucky. Ugh. I would not want to marry someone with a credit score in the 500s. I wouldn't. I actually wouldn't. And I know. I know, but I I would get it more. Listen, here's why. Like if we applied for a mortgage together, right? Would we get it? Right. You know, like could we buy, could we I agree. Just don't do it on the first day. Listen, or if they had a $500 or $500 credit score, it would be a conversation of like, hey, let's come up with a strategy to improve your credit. Yeah. So that when we unite our lives, like we're in a good place together.

SPEAKER_02 34:39

Yeah. I think that some situations like divorce can impact a credit score. So as long as you're motivated to move forward and make smart financial decisions, that's important.

SPEAKER_03 34:52

I could see a man who's worked really hard his whole life not wanting to like get with a girl that has, you know, a hundred thousand dollars in credit card debt and well, maybe he's afraid of them being able to take advantage of them.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Absolutely. Again, being clear is important and I think how you address the conversation is also very important.

SPEAKER_03 35:10

I think this is a good opportunity to also say if you if you want to be in a healthy relationship, you have to bring a healthy you to the relationship.

SPEAKER_02 35:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

So like when you're single, it's a good chance to like work on things like that. Like work on saving money, work on paying off debt, work on using that all that free time you have because you're not going on dates, you're not investing in another person. To like love yourself. All that love you were pouring into someone else, turn it around on yourself and yeah, work on your credit score and work on your fitness and work on like your mental health and just like love yourself so that when the right person shows up, you're ready for them.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Yeah, you're just so pretty today. Really? Yeah, I just want to tell you that. Even though I'm so sad and my skinny pants don't fit. You look beautiful. Ugh. She's so pretty today, guys. I mean, she's always pretty, but she's just gorgeous today. Thank you. And also I agree with you with that statement. Yeah. Rule 23 is the Jane Eyre test. If they won't try to read your favorite book, how will they try to love and understand you? This makes me chuckle. Me too. Um, because Antonio just started reading the four agreements. I gave it to him. Oh. Yeah. And he's actually reading it.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

You know, um, I don't know if my boyfriend would read my favorite book. Maybe. Um, I actually don't think so, because my favorite books are like fiction fantasy and like really, you know, not his thing. But I will say that like this is so silly, but we like read the um oldest version of the Bible together that has like all the books that have been eliminated.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

And like we'll read it to each other.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yeah, it's fascinating.

SPEAKER_03 36:45

I love that. That is so much fun. Yeah. And that means a lot to me because it shows that like we have that shared interest in history and and they're willing to also learn more about you. Yeah. And your perspectives. Yeah. Absolutely. It's really nice. Okay, 24, clueless. If the person has no idea why their marriage ended, they're out. Yeah, if you're like, why did you get divorced? I have no idea.

SPEAKER_02 37:06

She just goes back to the healing part and taking accountability. Absolutely. You should know why your relationship ended. My ex told um one girl that I think he was he said something about it ended because and it was a mutual agreement. And I was just like, that man has not has has created a different story in his head. Yeah. He's definitely clueless, apparently. That's okay. Clueless or um just willing to not take accountability. There's that. Yeah. I think that's it. That's probably it. Bingo. Uh I oh my gosh. I love 25. If you don't like their friends, you probably don't like them. You just don't know it yet. Okay, listen. If the man does not have another red flag with my ex, if he has like no friends, consistent friends. Ugh, I'm just like, it shows their level of commitment to relationships if they don't have friends.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

I think if a man has no friends, there's a little bit of like a sociopath bell that should date. A little bit. Like if he has no friends. I dated a guy with no friends. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

And um I learned out I figured out why pretty quick. Yeah. Yeah. If he doesn't have anybody, even if his family doesn't like him too, there's like things like that.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

It also shows their inability to handle conflict because with friendships comes and we're with relationships in general comes conflict.

SPEAKER_03 38:33

Or like if you have like good friends, typically you're really good, true friends. Everybody goes through difficult seasons where you don't like them very much or you question their life choices or whatever. But like you stick with your friends. If your like best friends like all leave too, like this was the guy I dated. He was like, Well, my best friend, like he stopped talking to me five years ago because he didn't like how I treated my ex-girlfriend, and da da da da. And I was like, if if your best friend, your bro, couldn't get beh beside how like you treated your woman, like that's a huge red flag.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

It is, yeah. Friends will unravel a lot. Rule 26, acting chill. You can artificially maintain an uninterested man's interest by acting like you're similarly uninterested, but you can make him like you. You can't make him like you. Can't make him like you. Um, I agree. I'm also one of these people. I did not, and maybe I'm not reading this right. Tell me if I'm reading this right. I would not show someone my full personality because I did not feel comfortable yet. So I acted very chill. So it would would have been really hard to have liked me because I wasn't showing my full character.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

Does that make sense? Yeah, but I think this is saying Okay, I am reading it differently that you can maintain an uninterested man's interest by acting like you're similarly uninterested. So like this man's not really that into you, so you can be like, Well, I'm not really that into you. And so it'll kind of create this like back and forth, like power struggle, tit for tat. But doing that isn't gonna make him like you, it's just a game. Correct. So, like, if a man is interested in you, you will know. Yes. If he wanted to, he will. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Like I read that differently initially, but that's true.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

Being all like uninterested and playing it cool, and like, you know, he texts you like WYD and you like leave him on red for 24 hours, and then you text back, like, well, hey, sorry, I was like out with friends. You know what I mean? Like, if you like because and he doesn't just two shits. No, he doesn't care, so stop trying to make him like you. Yeah, okay. Rule 27 stresses don't outsource responsibility for your nervous system and don't manage someone else's. Ugh, I hate that. I'm so bad at this.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

Yeah, like this is true.

SPEAKER_03 40:44

It's so true. I literally um I realize that when I'm in the mood that I'm in right now, what I'm really bad at is like self-talk, like talking myself through it, like rationalizing with myself, like you're fine, you're just about to start your period, like that's why you're so emotional. Like, and like, you know, we don't need to catastrophize this, and like really to talking to myself and loving myself, like it's okay that you're emotional and let yourself feel it, whatever. Yeah. Instead, I want to like outsource that and I want someone else to make me feel better. And I'm having to learn how to mm navigate that. Yeah, because if you can't, you really can't have a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

I used to do this in dating as well, is like fueling my confidence by having the attention of someone, and there was one moment I remember specifically, this is going to sound so bougie when I say this. I was Amanda, you are bougie. I am bougie. I was in Monte Carlo. And I were you on a date? Is this the date? No. No, that was Greece. Oh yeah, okay. And that wasn't a date. He was obsessed with me. Right. Right. Okay. So I was in Monte Carlo, and I remember I had realized this perspective about myself that I felt good when I had the uh, you know, someone that was interested in me. And I was like, wait a minute, I can give that to myself.

SPEAKER_03 42:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:06

And when I relinquished that control and that like need for a relationship is when I found someone. Yeah. And everything was calm and fine. Like I I just my nervous system otherwise was like felt like I needed to have someone to feel good.

SPEAKER_03 42:22

Yeah. I this just reminded me I have this friend just went through a breakup, blindsided by it, really sad. Like she was not prepared for it. It took her like a few weeks to bounce back. And she is on a vacation right now, paid for by another man. No way. Yeah. This man was just like, I you know, I see that you're single now, you're probably sad. He was like, I have a condo in Florida, I own it, it's vacant. Like, why don't you just go up there and stay? And he paid for her plane ticket and flew her out there, and then he told her the only thing I ask you is for one date. He's like, just one date while you're here. And so she's committed to one date with him. She's gonna go to dinner with him. Yeah. But he was like, I have this resource, you're really sad and beautiful, and I want to have a date with you. So come stay in Florida for a week. And he paid for it. Okay, also red flags. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I told her, I was like, please be careful. Um but also like how nice. How nice.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

That's funny. I've I had someone do that to me as well. I didn't actually not go on the trip.

SPEAKER_03 43:21

I have never made this happen to me.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

I don't want to feel like I'm obligated to something.

SPEAKER_03 43:27

Ugh.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:28

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Rule 29, kissing, no kissing until you desperately want to. I agree. Like, you don't want to kiss someone if you if you're not into it. Oh no, I'm sorry. This, okay, rule 28 was what I was trying to say earlier. My OCD. I was like, you skipped a number we keep for doing forward. Thank you for telling me that. Rule twenty eight is being yourself, don't change yourself for dating. This is what I did early on. I would come with like this coldness about me because my guard was up.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

So I would not authentically be myself. I would be like the cool girl. Like, I don't care. Like I don't know why I did this. I it was a problem. Oh my gosh, it was a problem. And this is why, like, I probably would not get asked on a second date was because I had my guard up. Yeah, I could not fully be myself.

SPEAKER_03 44:15

Let me don't change yourself for dating unless it's it's a change you would be glad to make anyway. Something you already wanted to work on. Drinking less, maybe tidier. Maybe you want to be a better health. Maybe you want to work out more, and you're like, okay, I can work out with this person. This will make me a better person. And I wanted to make this change anyway. That's fair. That's great. But other things, I I um I feel like that you know the girls, like you see them get into relationship and suddenly like they're really into like heavy metal music. Or like they get into relationship and they now they're into this or they're into that. I used to do this. I have never been that girl. I I have. I am not that girl. So it's it's like fascinating to me because I'm not anymore. Yeah, I've dated all kinds of guys. Um well not I haven't dated that many guys, but the guys then in high school I did this. Well, they're all kind of different though, the people you date. But um, I mean, I am so resistant to this to the point that like I dated a guy who is super into like nature and hiking and activities.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:09

And um I couldn't make myself be that. Like that's fair. I couldn't do it. I was like, I don't want to be that. I really I mean, I like to take a hike, and I also really like to lay on my bed. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

Yeah, as you get to know yourself, you honor that about yourself, and that's and the if the person is going to love you for who you are, that is an acceptable part of who you are, and yeah, they should deal with it. I hate camping. I hate camping. Remember that one time you went camping? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:36

I yeah, I've been camping.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

We we won't talk about it, but I've been on some interesting camping trips.

SPEAKER_03 45:41

Now you know. Now I know. Yeah. You tried it and you and I didn't like it.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

Oh, I like it. I tried it.

SPEAKER_03 45:49

And I didn't like it. I will try anything once, okay? I I like that about you. Thank you. Kissing. Uh you already said it. Yeah. But no kissing until you desperately want to. Yeah. What if you desperately want to kiss before you even, you know, had the date? I I had that experience. I had I like had a fantasy about a guy for like six months to a year before I actually went on a date with him.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:09

So by the time I went on the date, I didn't I didn't want to just kiss him.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

You know, like girl, do whatever you want to do. But I will say there was one girl on the opposite end of the spectrum that I know that she would like have sex before the date. Oh, before the date? Like, sh she was notorious for this. Like, she just led with sex. Uh and when you lead with sex, that's all they're going to want.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

Well, yeah, I will say this that the person I'm referring to in this situation was like, I knew him for a year. Yeah. We we had talked many, many times. We were mutually interested. The timing just never lined up, so like when it did, and then you know. Yeah. I mean, live your life. Yeah. Do what you want to do. But don't feel pressured. Okay, uh, rule 30, presence. Don't try to reenact movies. You are not in a movie. This is your life. Just try to be present and be kind to yourself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

I think that's the notebook is the prime example. We think that that's what love looks like, but that's what toxicity truly looks like. Most love stories and movies are not something you truly want in real life.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

I would say, like that movie, there are beautiful moments. There are. But there are a lot more moments that are like red flags. Like she's like slapping him. I hate you, Noah. I hate you. You know, just like pushing him. And I'm like, this is not good. This is not good.

SPEAKER_02 47:27

No.

SPEAKER_03 47:27

But I like also I can relate. Like love makes you a little crazy. Um, okay, once. If they want to, they will. They will plan dates, text you back, and you won't have second guess. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

I agree. And that's both men and women. I agree. Both ways. Men will truly move mountains if they want to see you. Like uh clearly, like that one girl that your friend who's in Florida. Yeah. Like he will literally want to, they will. My fiance lived an hour and a half away. And he made it work.

SPEAKER_03 47:56

A little effort goes a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Red receipts. Leave on your texting red receipts. If they freak out about being left on red for less than 24 hours, they are unlikely to respect your time.

SPEAKER_02 48:09

Yeah. My red receipts are off. I disagree with that. Except with Antonio.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

It depends on the text. Like if I text someone that I'm dating and I'm like, hey, are you free at six tonight? I'd really like to go to this event and I want you to come with me. And they leave it on red and they don't respond until after the event. That feels like the opposite. Like it's a disrespect of your time.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:28

That's kind of So I don't agree with this at all. Yeah, I don't know. 24 hours is a long time to be left on red when you're dating someone.

SPEAKER_02 48:34

Right. And it feels like I'm not a priority. A priority. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:40

Like you don't care. I mean, if they're at work and you know they're at work for eight hours and they can't be on their phone, that's very difficult. This seems like an avoidant who wrote this. Yeah, I don't like that at all. I don't like it either. Nope, skip. Uh, rule thirty-three meet the parents. You must meet each other's parents within a year. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

If you can. If you can. If you can. I think it tells you a lot about people based on their parents, and things start making more sense when you meet people's parents.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Agree. Mm-hmm. Moving in. Do not sign a lease with someone you've been with for less time than the term of the lease. Amen. That's good. That's good. Do not merge assets or make those kind of commitments until you have at least a year with someone.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

I think until you're married.

SPEAKER_03 49:27

Ideally. Yeah. Yeah, ideally.

SPEAKER_02 49:29

If you're actually going to be merging finances and stuff, like making commitments like that.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

Keep your finances separate. Because I mean, really, marriage, that's what marriage is, is it merges all of that, you know, together.

SPEAKER_02 49:41

So Antonio was telling me last night, he was like, Amanda, we need to talk about merging things and what that looks like. And we live separately. I don't know that I've really talked about this. We'll live separately. And he was like, We need to talk about like what that looks like at each other's homes, what our finances are going to look like, how we're going to file taxes because I own a business. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh, I started freaking out.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

Yeah, it's so much. And so like signing a lease. But signing a lease together is like that. What if you break up? Who's responsible to pay it? Right. You know, like um, it's yeah, thankfully, I haven't purchased anything with anyone that I've dated. Yeah. Because after like getting divorced and having that whole experience, yeah. Um, it's not something I really want to go through again in you know, until I'm like sure. Yeah. So um, passion. You want to do this one?

SPEAKER_02 50:35

Yeah. So rule 35, the last one, is in a time when being nonchalant is cool, be chalant.

SPEAKER_03 50:41

I agree. Like be chalant. You don't have to be cool. Like, what's the word? Um, cringe. Like, oh, that's so cringe. Like, I remember I'm like a very expressive person. So like when I feel something deeply, I will express it in a very sweet way. And like I'll share how I feel, and like it could be perceived as like cringe, like, oh, that's so cringe. Like, why would you like expose yourself like that or something? Yeah, like being vulnerable is like cringe now.

SPEAKER_02 51:09

Yeah, I think you have to be vulnerable to get to know someone. I agree. Um, I had a hard time with that. Really? Being vulnerable. Yeah. Especially in a first date. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And if I felt like someone was could hurt me, especially if they really like I wasn't sure if they were interested in me. And I felt like actually no one can hurt you but yourself, right? But still, hindsight's 2020. I just held a lot to my heart. But I think that if you truly want to get to know someone, you do have to relinquish that a little bit, and you do have to be more chalant.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Yeah, you have to let people get to know you to know if they actually like you. And if they don't, you have to recognize that you can make up a story about that, how something's wrong with you, trying to change yourself. You can, yeah. Or like and hurt yourself, or you can ac accept, like, oh, this just wasn't a good fit. Yeah. I actually had a friend call me yesterday because she got fired and she was like devastated, and I get that. Like that is devastating. But then I was like, you could see this as a redirection. Clearly, that culture was not a right fit for you.

SPEAKER_02 52:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 52:12

And like thank thankfully it happened quickly, and you know it's not a good fit, and now you can find like what is. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with you, it just culturally wasn't right for you.

SPEAKER_02 52:22

Right. In hindsight, it all makes sense. In the moment, it feels yeah very devastating. Your light burnout. That's a sign. So funny.

SPEAKER_03 52:36

Yeah. So um, those are the 35 dating roles. Yeah. I think uh are there any that you think are like missing? That you're like, I would add that.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

I don't know. What about you? I'd have to think about it a little a little bit more. I think that a lot of them were very telling. It's very telling for people um when dating, I think, that also one that maybe wasn't on there that should be on there is trust your gut, trust your intuition.

SPEAKER_03 53:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:06

If something feels off, it probably is.

SPEAKER_03 53:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:09

Um I know. One that's on there that I that's not on there is if it's butterflies. Oh yeah. I think we tend to think, oh, these feelings and this passion and this excitement should be there. And oftentimes the butterflies are actually a sign that your nervous system is off kilter.

SPEAKER_03 53:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:25

And you should be mindful of that.

SPEAKER_03 53:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:28

And listen to your body. Um I agree. But I think that was probably not on there, but should be on there. Which also actually does kind of go to the perspective part with movies or the presence. Right. With movies is thinking that it needs to be all these feelings and emotions, but honestly, calmness is a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 53:47

I think you should also like think about the future quite a bit when you're dating. Like, do we have a shared future vision? Mm-hmm. Like, do we want to live in the country or the city? Like, do we both want to spend? Do we want it's important to have like a really nice house as and we'll invest more money in our living situation, or or do we want to live like cheap and have travel all the time? You know what I mean? Like those sorts of things. Um how do we imagine ourselves spending our free time? Are we together? Are we apart? Are we do we like to go to the bars and party or do we not? Are we you know, like those things I think over time can really affect a relationship? So I think questions like that are really important too. Like communication is key. You know, imagine you're someone that really wants like quiet nights at home, and then you're with somebody that is always wanting to go out till 2 a.m. And not that that's not compatible. Um, it could be, but like, is that something you're comfortable with? Are you um the person maybe going out all the time? Are they comfortable going out less? Are you comfortable going out with them sometimes? Like I don't know, things like that. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

Be clear, be kind, be honest, don't be rigid, be honest, too.

SPEAKER_03 55:02

Like don't pretend to be something you're not or lie about something. Um I I think it's like really important. I think that you can only pretend to be something for so long. Um and you don't want a relationship of hiding. No. So you gotta just be honest about what you struggle with. And um I mean, I have some things I remember telling a boyfriend once, like, I feel like I can't be honest about these things that I struggle with.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:35

And then just like telling him, and I'm and I'm gonna probably keep struggling with these things. And like, if that's not okay with you, like um he he got really mad at me for smoking a cigarette at a social event. I like to casually smoke cigarettes sometimes. Not very often. Your Instagram handle was cigarettes. Cigarettes on the porch. Yeah, I like to smoke cigarettes sometimes. And um, I don't smoke all the time, but I like every now and then if I'm having a drink and a friend has a cigarette, like, oh can I have a cigarette? And anyway, he got really mad at me about it, like really mad. And I remember just telling him, like, this isn't really something I want to change. Yeah. Like, and maybe someday I'll become more health conscious about it. Well, you didn't do it very often. No, like it's but yeah, it was still like a I mean, he like freaked out, and I was like, Okay, this is really important to him, this is not that important to me. Yeah, let's figure this out. Um, yeah, so stuff like that. Cool. I don't know. Or you could just like stay single, get some cats, save your money, spend your money on like things that make you happy, be beautiful, be free. You know, it's an awesome thing.

SPEAKER_02 56:39

I I think that women just need to live together in a community. I read this reel the other day that said that women were not meant to be married, they're meant to have community. Like, I just we might be happier.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

Oh my gosh. I I've been thinking a lot about the male-centered female um being guilty of this myself. Um like thinking about the amount of uh brain space and energy that goes into that. Yeah. When you have a partner and you're like you want to make them happy and you want their affection and like to be male-centered as a woman, I think you have to I'm trying to figure out like can can a woman not be male-centered and have a healthy relationship? Can I be me-centered and like universe-centered and everyone-centered and like more like holistic in that approach and still be like a good partner? Yeah. Is that I'm always thinking about things.

SPEAKER_02 57:40

I think I think that women when they're in their feminine tend to be more nurturing.

SPEAKER_03 57:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 57:46

And I know people who are in relationships where the female is more the masculine and the male is more of the feminine, and it works for them, and that's fine. Yeah. But I don't think that's how you're made. No. And I don't think that's how I'm made. So I feel it would be unnatural for me to not be the nurturing, caring, yeah, caregiver um in my relationship.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:10

And uh yeah, when I find myself in my masculine, it's never good.

SPEAKER_03 58:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

It's not a good sign.

SPEAKER_03 58:16

I agree. Yeah. Thousand percent. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 58:19

Everybody's different. All right, guys. Well, it's been an hour. Thanks for listening to the 35 dating rules, modern dating rules. Yeah. And uh, we hope you have a great week, and we'll see you next week. Bye.