Episode 19 – On Feeling Appreciated

This is probably the most imperfect episode I’ve recorded so far! Part of me feels the urge to record it again, part of me is amused, yet another part reminds me that my intention was to show up as authentically imperfect as I am. The theme of appreciation (while not planned) fits perfectly (!) to what I’m sensing: the fear of not been seen as a capable contributor. A fear that many of us (in perception) know and experience. I touch on sources of appreciation and acknowledgement and offer perspectives on feeling seen in the 12 imperfect minutes of this episode. 

As always, I hope it sparks reflections about your own experiences with and relationship to being seen and feeling appreciated. 

I’d love to hear from you. Reach out at irina@irinapashina.com, on LinkedIn, or visit irinapashina.com to learn more about my work as a coach, mentor, supervisor, facilitator, and speaker.

Thank you for joining me on this journey of reflection and connection. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello and welcome to Begin Anywhere. My name is Irina Bachel. And I'm here to hold space. To hold space for all of us where we can begin anywhere. With less script and more presence. Thank you for joining me. Hello and welcome to episode 19 of Begin Anywhere. Spring has arrived quite suddenly, almost unexpectedly. In my part of the world, it's uh sunny and quite warm, warmer than usual for this time of year. And the beginning of March came with a few surprises and brought up so much reflection and ideas and wondering and connections and challenges as life does. I've been bouncing back and forth of about what do I bring here? What do I bring to this space that would or could be a value that could spark reflections that could maybe support us in our processes of seeing and becoming. Today I was very clear about bringing acknowledgement and appreciation. It's a theme that in many ways is present in most, if not all, of my work, and hopefully more of my life. And today it emerged in conversations naturally and as if to nudge me in into deeper reflection, and I offered this reflection to you. In hindsight, looking at the hundreds and hundreds of hours of coaching individuals and teams, I can hardly remember a single one of them that wasn't connected in some way to appreciation and acknowledgement. Of course, it wasn't the topic of each and every coaching session, and somehow it's part of our lives as human beings, and part of our lives as part of teams and organizations to want to be, to feel appreciated, to feel acknowledged, and we can go into meanings and words, and what's more important to me today is the feeling of being seen because I believe in many cases it is about being seen, being witnessed as who we are, as who we are becoming, and some of it can have a very specific expression a promotion, a salary raise, um a mention in some occasions, an invitation to an event and sometimes it's really about this deeply human I would say need to be and feel appreciated. In a conversation earlier today capacity, capability, the feeling of being capable came up and it reminded me of my own relationship to feeling capable and how acknowledgement could be a validation, a reassurance of one's capability. It certainly was for me, and it shows up sometimes. It shows up as uh the wish to be seen in certain situations the wish to bring about something that hasn't been there before for others and to hear it back, reflect it back. And in many occasions it doesn't show up because I feel it and I know it. And it's such a gift to know the difference between feeling acknowledged and appreciated per se that that's the default the come from place Appreciated Appreciated for who I am what I bring, what I can bring for doing my best to the best of my ability and for looking deeper. It took me decades to get to a place where I can see myself this way. And it is a process for me a continuing process. I think in some ways the systems we have been raised in play a big role in what sources of acknowledgement and appreciation can be, and what type of expectations we were raised to meet. I for myself I know the expectations were to excel in a school system, to excel in the systems that surrounded me. Um not by being loud, but by quietly and meticulously working towards go. And for each of us, there might be a different context, and somehow these earlier experiences get to shape, get to shape us in our becoming. He told his students at the beginning of a new year or new semester that they would get the best grades possible and asked them to go into this new year or semester with this sense of knowing they're given the best grade, they are considered the most capable they can be or show themselves to be. And maybe I'm not giving it 100% as it was in the book, but what it did convey to me is this sense of possibility when we free ourselves from external specific external acknowledgement or validation, and this can be so liberating, and it can be a process, and it can also be simple, it can also be a matter of reflection, of intention, and of being with oneself. I certainly don't have the answers. What I do know for myself is that the more I can be with myself and accept who I am and who I am becoming and steer the sheep ship sheep, the sheep, the ship of my becoming, the less I need an external mirror. I'm curious how all of this lends for you and what your experiences are with appreciation and acknowledgement in the past, in the present moment, and perhaps even how you would like them to be in the future. If that's of interest to reflect on, I am noticing a slight and interesting tingling sensation in me as I think about how imperfect this recording has been. And I'm in acceptance and I'm appreciating the aliveness of this moment more than the need for it to be improved or better. I hope you're well, and I'm sending you a big wave of appreciation for your own process of becoming. Take care and thank you for listening.