Episode 26: Aaaaanger and Connecting across Differences

Different situations in the last weeks sparked anger in me – many of them seemingly insignificant and yet important – and one of them made its way into this episode. I’m sharing it with spaciousness, a hint at healthy expression of emotions, and the overarching invitation to each of us individually and all of us collectively to connect across differences.

When was the last time you felt anger? What was it pointing you to? How did you witness it? 

I’d love to hear from you. Reach out at irina@irinapashina.com, on LinkedIn, or visit irinapashina.com to learn more about my work as a coach, mentor, supervisor, facilitator, and speaker.

Thank you for joining me on this journey of reflection and connection. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello and welcome. Welcome to Begin Anywhere. My name is Irina Pashina. And I'm here to hold space. To hold space for all of us where we can begin anywhere. With less script and more presence. Thank you for joining me. Hello and welcome to episode 26 of Begin Anywhere. Going back and listening to some old episodes, I realized that I never quite say my name. And today I felt it was important to do that. And maybe I will moving forward in every episode. My name is Irina Pashina. I'm a coach, a writer, a supervisor, a mom, a partner, a daughter. I deeply care about human beings. I deeply care about the vastness of life. And I deeply care about every individual and collective expression of what's meant to happen here. I love life and humanity. And what I've been sensing in the last weeks and months, and maybe even in the last few years, is some more anger coming up within me. Anger at myself, anger at other people, anger at events happening in the world. Anger expressed in very specific conversations as well. And when I woke up this morning, I really had this urge to put on a red shirt. I very rarely wear red color or variations of red colors. It wouldn't be my go-to. And today it felt like an expression of something that's been wanting to come through me. And I've been noticing it in instances throughout the weeks. And one particular instance that happened last week on my birthday. I had booked a consultation with a practitioner that I was very much looking forward to. And it was quite helpful in connecting with certain topics I would probably avoid on most days. And how it came about was quite interesting to me. So I'm bringing it up here to talk about the healthy side of anger and any emotion really. And how it's there to signal something, to show us something. Not to rub it in our face, but to invite us. That is not about solutions. That is not about solving something for someone. So I took a deep breath and I said I hold space. I partner with human beings and hold space for them to explore, connect with, and identify what's important, what's the deeper awareness that wants to come through what they want to do next. I have had similar discussions over the years, and I don't know, part of me is really tired, part of me is really tired about describing and putting words around what coaching is, what does it mean to hold space? Part of me is really angry because I feel like a solution-oriented, like solution-only approach diminishes what coaching is about, is shrinking what it can do, and of course, we all want to have an outcome on some level, whatever level that is. So it's not about not having an outcome, effectiveness is important to me, but this expectation, I'm doing something for someone and handing them out a solution is just so foreign to me as a coach. In other roles, it's a different story, but yeah, anger was very present, and I've been noticing how it keeps coming up, and how it wants to be felt even more deeply to feel the hurt of being misunderstood, to feel the pain of having to say again and again, and still they don't understand. And yet there is something in me that probably needs more attention. That probably wants to be seen more deeply. Now the reason why I bring this very specific example is to show how it can emerge in life, in any conversation really, how triggers show up, how emotions come up, what they can signify, how we can be with them, and how we can create space for them. It sounds quite counterintuitive. My intuition many years ago would have been not intuition, but my first reaction would have been okay, I shouldn't feel angry. And of course I was angry. And of it was okay to be angry and it was okay to stand up for what I believe in. It was more than okay. I took a lot out of this one hour of consultation, and part of it was how I dealt with this situation and what this anger really pointed me to. And there are ways of being with anger and rage that can be helpful and healthy. And only through creating, making space, feeling more deeply, can we really find out what they mean, what they signal, how they keep us connected to our own aliveness and significance in our lives. I realize how challenging this is and can be, and it's not free of challenges for me at all, and it hasn't been. Perhaps reflection or a reminder of something in your own life, or a pointer to some emotions that want to be felt, or something entirely different. Whatever it was or it is, I hope it serves you in the best possible way. Thank you for listening and look forward to being with you next time.