EP 15 - Purpose Over Privilege with Dr. Arasi Maran

A conversation about purpose, passion and the quiet power of choosing your own purpose, over the path already laid out in front of you. 

In this episode of Two Peas In A Pod, we sit down with Dr. Arasi Maran for a candid chat on life beyond titles, surname and the spotlight.

Through powerful reflections, she shares what it truly means to dedicate your life to healing hearts… both literally and metaphorically.

Now streaming on YouTube, Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

Styling Partner: artra_styling
Costume Partner: aloehouseindia


Find us here: 
Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/twopeasin.apod
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/two-peas-in-a-pod/id1838139422
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2Cd7eaiN7PF8HN0AvjRly4

#TwoPeasInAPod #podcast #whattowatch #goodvibes #sisterhood

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:03

If somebody wants to kidnap me, all they need to do is just buy me food. I don't think it's kind of things on camera. Maybe someone will play that. Some people are born into power and some people are born into wealth, some are born into history, but very few are born into all three and still choose the quiet road of purpose over the long road of privilege. Today's guest is someone who chose uh who could have lived her entire life easily under a very famous surname. She could have walked into influence, into politics, and inherited legacy. Instead, she chose to walk into operation rooms, into endless nightships, into years of medical training, and into a life of service. Dr. Arcy Marin, an interventional cardiologist, a mother, a wife, and a gorgeous woman who chose to build her own name in Charleston, South Carolina. Arsika, welcome to Two Peace and So glad to have you here.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Thank you so much. I'm like little getting overwhelmed. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:25

That's the truth. That's the truth. All truth. And your story isn't just uh inspiring, it's revolutionary. Yes. So we're so glad to have you on our show. For you to take your time and be here with us on this couch. We really, really appreciate it. Because there's an entire story that we want you to tell us about. So let's move on to being born into privilege and still choosing purpose. And you were actually born into one of Tamil Nadu's most influential political family. You are the only daughter of the late Mr. Morusali Marin, whose voice was a thunder in parliament, who actually left a long-lasting mark in the corridors of Delhi. And Malikate, who was the rock behind the strong. And being the only daughter to the both of them, how would you describe? Not many people are aware of what kind of an overachieving woman you are. That's what I want to say. Like, oh my god, let's get to that later. But I want to talk about how would you describe growing in um a household like that?

SPEAKER_01 2:33

You know, I think you guys are giving me too much credit now. Okay. If you take away my last name, I'm just a doctor. Like you understand. It's just surprising that with this last name I became a doctor and I'm practicing medicine. Right. Which is like a little unfair. Why, man? Why can't I be a doctor? Why can't I mean it is like if privilege is privilege, this is the privilege I choose to be. So growing up, you know, uh I did not know what my family could do or couldn't do. I lived in number 12, 2nd Street, South Koparupuram. I cycled to my school, and uh, you know, my mother uh was just about please be independent because you know the world revolved around my father. So it was such a busy household, right? And the men were taking a lot of space. And then my mother was just figuring it out. My mother's job is to make sure my father's life is moving on because his purpose was, you know, great and amazing and blah, blah, blah. So uh so I see you have to figure out your own stuff. So cycle to school, uh, they put me in dance class, which is in Adyar, Gandhi Nagar, go in Pallavan bus because we can't be had one car. Uh, you know, so it was independence. Figure out your own way. Uh if you don't figure out your own way, you'll just go to sit ato. So, you know, so we just figured it out. And uh and and I think um my mother wanted to be a doctor. Right. And uh, you know, you keep saying privilege, privilege, privilege. I don't think women have that much privilege. Like, you know, I grew up at the time of female infanticide, right? Like the fact that three of us are sitting is a privilege by itself. Definitely, you know, and you put it in better. Yeah, right. Uh so, and then being born in a family where my voice could be heard. My mother came from a phenomenal family. My grandmother, my mother's mother, Banamati, she was a dancer. Kalema Mani, winner. Wow. She had she's a career woman, but she did not choose to give her daughter a career. My mother's voice was completely taken away. So my mother, um, you know, I think made sure I got that. I got whatever I wanted to. I think uh if my mother's voice was given and her choices were acknowledged, uh, she would have been a famous doctor herself. You know, uh but the funny part is I think uh this is where um nature meets nurture or whatever. I fell in love with medicine by myself. It was yes, my mother was watching TV shows or doctor shows and all of that. But I fell in love with that. Once you fall in love with something, then it's easy to it's not a big deal. So yeah, I mean, growing up was like a very normal childhood, but like uh what how do you live in the 1980s and 1990s? The stage was occupied by the men. The women, the women's job was a supporting role. They were never the heroine, and that didn't sit well with me. I maybe I'm greedy. I'm like, I love this dead. Why can't I take up space? That's maybe the and my father, I think, was uh really, are you for real? That is the attitude I saw. I'm gonna say, I'm gonna become a doctor, and blah blah blah. It's like, yeah, not you're gonna get married and you're gonna just, you know, you're just gonna waste your medical seat, it's just a waste of your time. So I'm like, what are you talking about? You know, like and I think he trained me to live in a world of men because he was just like irritating me, like you know, like putting sticking me away, hitting me with the same. There is no way this is gonna happen. There is no way you're gonna be worth psychology. It'll just like maybe, right? I think he did it for his own identity.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

It worked. Oh, yeah. But uh, I mean, that's such an interesting uh childhood to recollect. Right when you were describing your childhood, you know, cycling to school and stuff. I'm taken back to some of my favorite books by Ati Narayan and stuff, you know. That's how I'm visualizing it. So, in such a sweet childhood or growing up here, did you feel the expectation, or do you feel like you exceeded the expectation?

SPEAKER_01 7:02

There was no expectation. The expectation was to get married and be a bloody trophy wife. That was the expectation. Oh, that was the norm. Like, why would I? And then I was like, no. And I had this true revulsion towards that expectation that my like, no, that's not doing that. I'm not doing that. And arranged marriage was like, oh, like, oh, like it factored to the extent of it. And I was like, no, I'm not doing that. So if I hadn't found my purpose, I would have been a bloody trophy wife, and I'm not doing that. Somehow I can never imagine a bloody trophy.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Like that is like it goes against nature right now for me to imagine I say a car as a trophy. I'm like, oh no, something is not sitting up with it. You know, do you remember the exact moment, like the first time you thought your life is gonna look much different uh from the privileged path uh that anybody could have easily taken? Like you said, that's the norm, right? Coming from a family like this, it's very easy to fall back into comfort. But do you remember the moment when you actually knew or realized, okay, medicine is going to happen and it's gonna look very different from the rest of uh the women in the family, the daughters in the family?

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Uh I think when I um I, you know, I even though now I'm an interventional cardiologist, I started my career as a surgeon. I wanted to be a cardiothoracic surgeon until I realized, ah, surgeons are old-fashioned. And that's another story. But when I did my surgical uh um, you know, uh kind of residency or D in Madras Medical College, I think that's when I realized, oh, my life is completely different. Because of course, MMC is now new and improved, but at those days it used to smell of formaldehyde. Yeah. I had my little Super Santro car, my favorite vehicle in this whole world ever. Uh, you know, I would drive and come back, even my hair would smell of formaldehyde. And I was dealing with burnt patients, I was dealing with pust and wounds and cleaning and everything, and I was the happiest. And I it was like it, I was like, you know, every wound I cleaned, every patient I took to uh took to the OR and came, it just made me so much happy. So the rest of the world disappeared for me. It was my path, and uh there was no comparison of oh, my path is different. This is my path, and yeah, I'm enjoying my path. And I and I looked at the other people's path, and I was like, You don't know what you're missing. Yeah, so grandmouth.

SPEAKER_02 9:41

That's the truth. Yeah, that's amazing. That's so nice that you just realized that okay, this is your purpose, and it just felt so natural to you that it didn't feel like you had to give it a second thought. But um moving on to building this life that you built far from home and moving countries, right? Tell us about uh how you trained in all the most demanding medical fields and enlighten us about your move to the US. Interventional cardiologist. Before we get into any of this, please assume that I'm a five-year-old and tell me what an interventional cardiologist actually does. Because it sounds really complicated, really fancy, but also a little terrifying. Is it terrifying?

SPEAKER_01 10:22

Uh it is fancy, right? It's it's uh it's a very glamorous, hotshot feel, right? Uh because it's life-saving. Yeah. Okay. But wow, once you do it, uh, you know, everything like it's like you climb the base cap, average base cap, you're like, oh, I've climbed the base cap. You know, it's like kind of like that. But uh interventional cardiology is very simple. Okay, the body has plumbing. We have blood vessels. It's um you have the heart, which is like the main pump, okay. From the pump, you have big blood vessels, like you know, think of a highway with side roads and all of that. I take a small side road, find the main highway, okay, go to the heart, inject contrast into the blood vessels of the heart, and take extra pictures right at that moment. Okay, okay. The contrast replaces the blood. The blood vessel is basically like a bendy straw. Okay, so I take a picture, and if there are blockages, I can visualize the blockages. And with training, just with a picture, I know what is the type of blockage. Is it a clot? Is it calcium? You know, that's all training. And uh, I clear out the blockages and I put stents to expand the blockage so that the heart, which is obviously life, essentially for life, gets the blood supply it needs so that we can move on with life. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

So a lot of people put their hearts in their hands.

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Yeah, that is so nice. Yeah, like it feels their heartbeat. When you put the wire, the wire will crack. And that is it's a privilege. It's a that's a privilege. Yes, that is the privilege, you know, because you know, yeah, somebody else's life, someone's father, someone's mother, someone's life story. Yeah, that privilege you have to fight for. You're not born into that privilege.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Right, yes, that has value.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah, of course, of course. How was it uh how was it for you as a young doctor when you moved to the US, far from comfort and family? How was that journey for you?

SPEAKER_01 12:25

It was a blood being miserable journey. But if I have to, if I've given the same choices, same things, I would do it all over again. Yeah, right. Because it was also a very empowering journey. Okay, so you know, yes, a very famous last name. So wherever I went in uh Tamil Nadu, people ex uh assumed I'm a doctor because of my last name. Right. Okay, so there were I had to, I had micro provings, like you know, for example, uh when I was in Madras Central College and uh um uh Tata Karegna Tata was sick. He needed an intravenous line, and uh they had tried and he had lost it. So they were literally trying to get like a uh anesthetist to come and do it. And you know, that's the thing of go having training. I saw, I said, you know, I can do it, and I you know, I dared the I be like, so I had to do small, small things which kind of built up some sort of a credibility, but despite the credibility, it was almost like every person I saw, oh, in the weekly, you know, she's I it was kind of like I had to carry, it was annoying, okay. But I didn't care. I was like, I'm enjoying myself, I'm having the best life, I'm operating, I'm doing blah blah blah. Uh but then you know my father became really sick, and uh I went to the US and I was exposed to health care in the US via my father's sickness, right? And something was liberating. That anonymity of being nobody was absolutely liberating. I could be RSE. Yeah, RSE, party mouth, swearing, doing whatever I want, like saying my opinions without, oh my god, somebody's gonna write something about me. You know, like uh uh even though I grew up in a uh era of uh lack of internet, I mean internet came through out later, lack of um social media, there was a little bit of a scrutiny, and we were ultra conservative at that time. Like, you know, even that little bit of scrutiny in my my father with my father was like a big, big deal and stuff like that. Uh so that anonymity was truly liberating, and uh I think I'm truly a glutton for punishment. I like to I like to do hard things and I like it. I said uh and so initially I was truly thinking surgery. Yeah, the endorphin uh kind of uh uh thing, right? Initially I was thinking surgery, then I realized surgery in the US is very different from surgery in uh India. In India, surgeons were considered that the big deals in life. So I want to be that, right? But when I went to America, surgeons were more like very technical people, they'll come do the surgery. Mama I see you later. There's no long-term patient relationship, you know. Okay, I'm a people person, I like talking to people, I have like gas, you can make it. Yeah, yeah. So I said, no, I don't want to do this, and uh all I said, okay, intervention. Let's go to medicine. That's all. Then again, in medicine, my married to a gastroenterological GI surgeon. He was like, I see, you do gastro so that uh, you know, you can feed me patients. I'm like, I'm not being hand your dad, I'm not gonna deal with that. So then I was like, okay, pulmonary critical care, because again, you keep going in like, you know, savior mode or whatever. Then I was like, no, pulmonary critical care is not speaking to me. Cardiologist. Uh and maybe Appa also had a cardiac issue, and it was an interventional cardiologist who saved Appa's life. You know, all those things are working. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

That you already answered a question that we had written down for you. Like, did people around you know who you were? Like, why isn't that?

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we all think the privacy, all that stuff. You're in Jumma in India, this cast that task, all the nonsense happens. Over there. You go to India, you're a brown girl, you're an accident, you're a woman. Those were my identifying features. Last name had no value. So I have to prove myself. Right. Because I'm a foreign medical graduate. Yeah, right. And then I'm entering cardiology, and my the place where I'm in, uh, it's a black or white dog, it's a white boys' network. That's what it was called. So fighting with them, right? Uh, and you know, rising up and being like, okay, fine, we will, you know, they're getting like it was a very different struggle. So I I almost feel like we're wasting our time and energy, all this caste system, and I'm so tired of these human beings trying to one-up themselves by all random man-made differentiations, you know, it's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

I don't even want to pick up from that conversation. Like, how was it for you to like step up in an entirely white community? Did it ever like mentally break you down? Was there a point where you're like, oh, like I cannot believe I have to go above and beyond, but then I'm gonna go do it anyway. Like, was there a moment when you started out?

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Uh when I started out, I think Mursay Martin trained me for it. That's a tick which he was like digging and digging and digging, and I wanted to rise up to that. Was the training. He did not realize he was for the world. Yeah. So it was truly like, you know, I was like, it was literally, I was the only uh female uh fellow in a group of uh six, six, six, uh, you know, eighteen uh out of uh uh one out of eighteen. First foreign medical graduate to get into the cardiology program.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

So it was that kind of kind of you know and uh I'm telling you, I am the line that jujubi like such a huge ego boost, right, Hasika, to go there and fight it out like that and not like just being handed it to you because even I'm not saying privilege, but I know your pointer, you are saying you were the only woman, and when you earn a place like that, you must feel on top of the world.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

See, when you're climbing the mountain, you don't realize you're climbing the mountain, you're just taking one step at a time, right? And and and you're sometimes you get traumatized by the journey, also, and then after uh some time you're like, oh, oh, this is happening. Oh, I have actually climbed this mountain. Yeah, when did this okay fine? It's happened. Okay, moving on. It was it was definitely um uh challenging. Uh you know, it was not uh residency or fellowship, pregnancy plus this was uh the breaking points, uh motherhood plus this was the breaking points. Like any woman who's in medicine who can tell you, talk about this, those are the breaking points. These men are all, as I said, I have dealt with the Muslimar and I've dealt with the child.

SPEAKER_02 19:40

These men are nothing compared to that. That's exactly where we're going with next. Do you want to take that segment about how much motherhood, marriage, and the interjunction of all of that? So people glamorize having it all. What did it really cost having it all? Sleep. How simple as that? How simple is that? Just give me a bed. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Give me a bed, take my picture away, take me in somewhere away. Give me space to sleep. Um what is having it all, man? In the election time, do these men have it all? When Brad Pitt is doing a movie, does he have it all? When there's a big um uh you know project coming, do men have it all? They're also like uh men think that they have it all, you know, somebody else is doing all their uh work for them. I definitely, you know, my husband was ridiculously supportive. One of the promises we made to each other is he won't stand in my way, I won't stand in his way. That was honestly more challenging. Uh the sense because ambition-wise? Ambition-wise, yeah. Carrier-wise, yeah. You know, we were like, there's no turning back here. There's no being a stay-at-home mom in America. You know, you can't do it. I'm not doing all that. Uh you want to drive yourself nuts if it's down there. No, I would have uh killed him or killed myself. One of the two would have happened. No, I am not made for that. And the same way with him, too. Like, if I had taken away his ambition, and then he comes from you know, two hardworking parents who put their heart and soul to see their son or their child succeed, that would be a crime. Like, you know, that's no none of that. So, what does the cost to having a dog is uh silly for me, number one. The second thing is there is there is definitely a cost. It is a little bit of um, I award it's it's a trauma piece because you're juggling, juggling, juggling, you're running, running, running, running, running, and then you know, burnout comes and you don't realize you're burning out. Then you, you know, there was a time in my life um uh for almost three or four months, Monday to Friday, I I would be okay. Saturday and Sunday, I would sleep. And I did not know what that was. I already I was like, why am I Monday back to energy? Like Sunday afternoon energy. So then you know you figure it out and all that. So it is, it is not um one woman's show. You need a different kind of support. Sisterhood. So that was my superpower. My girls were my superpower. My friends. You know, uh, so there is a cost, but if RST, the laziest person I know on earth can do it, any of anybody else can do it. I can never imagine that.

SPEAKER_02 22:34

See, that was another thing we were going into from here. Uh, how did you balance being on uh you know on call for cardiac emergencies, having an equally ambitious partner, being a present partner at the same time? And kids, hello. They all get to see this fancy, fashionable woman sitting here with us. But she has a kid who is going to call who's in college. No, going to college, going to college. HB2. Yeah, I will go to college. And like sweet, sweet little girl who was eight years, ten years old, eleven years old. The sweetest little girl I've met. All the three kids are amazing, amazing. I've had the pleasure to be around them. And being that parent and being this high-achieving individual to like, you know, break stereotypes about being a brown girl coming from a completely different thing. How was all of it? Tell us a little bit about your emotional burnout. Or did you ever miss uh birthday or a school annual day? I'm sure there are women, high-achieving women listening to us or watching us. Like, you know, yet I want them to know that they're not alone in this, right? They should have a huge takeaway that guilt is okay, but you still are hustling and doing all of it. So, what do you have to say to those listeners?

SPEAKER_01 23:48

So it's a complicated journey. The journey is definitely complicated. When I had my first kid, I was trying to do it all. I was in residency at that time. I was like, be the best mom, like the stereotype mom. I never wanted to be a stereotype daughter, never wanted to be a stereotype wife, but I wanted to be a stereotype mom. Yeah, like you know, I wanted to do everything. Nurse my child, do blah blah blah blah blah. Everything. Then um I started working and I slept behind the wheel. Uh at 5:30 in the morning, my car veered off to the side. I woke up, I slammed the brakes and did like a 360 uh degree turn. And then I was like literally shivering in my car. Thank God it was like 5 a.m. The highway was uh uh then I I came back and I was like, you know, narrating this to my and my husband obviously he's also first-time father. What experience do we have? And we are alone in the big help, like what you get in uh India or something like that. We are figuring it out. Then I called my friend and she's like, Arcy, like, are you mad? The child does not need mother's milk, it needs a mother. Can you please stop? So, like, she she, my friend was the one who said, You don't need to nurse. It's okay. The child will be okay. Then I'm like, you know, doctor, breast milk is the best milk and all that thing. But then, you know, life or uh death, I was I was really killing myself. So then I was also like, you know, uh, you know, I was not following the American style of parenting where the child sleeps independently in the crib. At the same time, I did not have the support system to, you know, constantly make up and take care of it. It was a very confusing time for sure. Uh then my dear husband sat me down and said, You can't do it. We can't do it. You can't go for you just cannot, it's not going to happen. So, can we prioritize what is meaningful, what is not meaningful? So then made a list of things. Uh the nighttime routine was important for me because that's the only time. So the nighttime bathing, we switched bathing from morning to evening because that's when we were there at home. Reading a bedtime story was important to me. So I picked it shows what was important. I have missed a lot of birthdays. I have missed a lot of school events. Then I told my I asked myself, do I remember what my parents have done for me when I was four years old, three years old, two years old, one year old, five years old, six years old. No, even though my mom was a stay-at-home knot, she never came for uh any of my school events or something like that. Because well, she was managing, you know, Mr. Versalimar. She had no time for any of that. But do I love her less for that? No, that relationship is still, you know. So I was like, it's okay. It's okay. It will be fine. The sun will rise and sun will set. It will be okay. Right. So, and then that's uh that's literally what, and I kind of focused on quality of time which I spend with my kids, then the quantity of time because that's how I got to give Matt. Yeah, uh, and I still like you know, uh now my husband is taking a little bit more, but when the kids were young, I was the alpha parent. I would walk in and the kids would come running to me, and then you know all of that. I completely and so quality of time over quantity of time was hard to choose stuff.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

Yeah. I think that's amazing. It just was like so many gems that so many moms and parents can really take away from because I feel like that's a constant battle for uh mothers all over the world. Like, okay, how do I prioritize? And working the fact that she's yeah. So, how do you prioritize or how do you uh think, okay, this is what I'm gonna give my energy to? So it's so nice to hear that from you. But I'm sure there were a lot of sacrifices that nobody else saw, that only you felt, and you were like, Okay, am I really doing this? What were the sacrifices you?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

I'll tell you one story. It's a good so you know, we had two kids, uh two boys. My second son is a mini Morsali Marin and Mini Arasi combined. I mean, he I don't think my father has broken me, but that boy has broken me. I mean, I was like, don't do this anymore! Like, oh my god, he's driven me to that point. Okay, no, uh, when he was uh three and a half years old or something, I was like, I can't believe I'm gonna not have a daughter. The daughter bit me. And I went and told my husband, like, you know, I want us to have he's like, are you mad? What is wrong with you? We just survived until a hundred times. Why would we go back to this? We're off diapers, the children are independent, and why would you do this? And I was like, no, no, no. So, okay. He was very much against it, and literally I said, You know, I control this. Yeah, how do you know I control this? Out of pure respect, you know, I'm discussing this, that I can just come and tell you I'm pregnant, and the story is. So I'm a carnival. Literally, then we have that came. She was like, No, like I stopped talking to him. I just like uh for almost like one month, I stopped talking to him and all that. Then he said, Okay, fine. Like, you know, this is not going to end. This is not he. So then I um get pregnant. I'm just barely pregnant, like five, six weeks or something like that. Um, then you know, we have something called the STEMI pager. Like, you know, like someone is having a acute heart attack, you need to fix them. You need to you need to drop everything in fixed it. So I mean that it's a data, it's happening at like around 12 o'clock or something like that. Patient had a cardiac arrest during darkness. Okay, so so from downstairs they're moving the patient upstairs. So they're moving the patient's overlap as I'm going and talking to the patient. We went with Anasta, warm, fuzzy feeling between my legs. I'm just like, you know, as I said, very it is very substantial, let me put it that way. Very substantial. Um I mean, patients die easily. Yeah. Then so there's one term, these gynacology obstitutions use a lot, okay? The destiny of this embryo is predetermined. Okay, okay. So there's nothing you can do if it is going, it is going. Like there's nothing it's six weeks. There's no medical intervention. So I said, okay, fine. What can I control? What can I do right now? Let me finish this, Telly. Finish that case. It was a tough blockage. And because I'm exposed to radiation, you whenever you realize or you're thinking about pregnancy, you need to tell the cat lab manager. So she gives you an extra radiation badge, like a fetal monitor badge, so that my uh the fetus is not getting exposed to radiation enough. And it's a light blue scrub. So I finished, and we I wear a lead skirt to protect myself from radiation. So when I take off the skirt, I'm a bloody mess. Okay? And only that person, only the radiation manager knows because it's six weeks and everything can. And she comes, tries to hug me. I think, do not hug me. I'm like, do not hug me, and she gives me a fresh set of scrubs. And I'm like, I can't talk to Rana. Because if he makes one wrong statement right now, I will kill him. So I just get into the car, drive to my OBGYN's office, and then you do an ultrasound, and then you till they hear a heartbeat, I'm hugging bike. And then do the ultrasound. If you hear the heartbeat, tears start pouring out. So I think I that was a bloody crazy moment, which I don't wish upon anyone. Wow.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Yeah, the strength that must have taken for you to be there for that patient and be there for yourself. Yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

The destiny of that embryo is predetermined. Beyond comes out, it's telling me I mean, she wanted to be understandable. And I don't want to scare her about something.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

You should tell her the story, how her mom just saved her life, held it together, and then to hear the tiny little heartbeat.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

I think that is uh I think you know the moments which flash through when you're about to die. I think this moment will definitely be.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

This could be in a movie, yeah. Truly. And this is what I'm sure. This is what women are made of, right? Arsikaya and that standing there saving a life, and then you go on like putting death.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

And imagine what it must have taken for you to be there as a doctor. Are the markers who forget about it? I promise you that uh because there's nothing you can do. Every woman in medicine has a similar story. I promise you.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

But that's what difficult for me to like wrap my head around. I just cannot. I just cannot. Like you're the artist.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Medicine are uh women uh medicine. They they are it is not easy for women to be in uh in this uh uh field.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

And they say we are emotional and we unravel easily, right? Anybody who says that you that'll be never again never again make that statement. All the men need to have kidney stones, and that's going to interventional cardiology, okay? How it was a calling for you and not a career. And I feel interventional cardiology from what you explained right now is literally holding someone's life in your hand. It's life of debt, and I'm not still out of that personal story. You told me. I really need to like take a minute trying to. I'm in the car, you know, as a driving car. I'm like in the car, I can just I can't even imagine what it must have been like for you. But then, like, I'm not over it. I'm not over it knowing you so closely in the past few years. I've now been in this family for 16 years, and two years you've been a source of strength to me. You've told me, try remember who you are, like do the best for your family, show up for yourself and everything. But this, this that you've done, I'm not over it, Asika. To be very honest with how do you never tell me that story of the settings are over in my biggest.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

And as I can, you know, women in medicine, this is our life, man. I am. You are a rock star, no, that's the truth.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

For me, anybody else's health. I couldn't call you a rock star because it's for me. I've always had uh I've always had to like tread carefully in the family also because you are modern and always been accepted the way I am because of my husband and all of that. But then when I got to know you, you were like a breath, like breath of fresh air for me. Because you were like, be yourself, that's always gonna get you inhead, and you were yourself no matter whom you were holding audience with, right? Be it in the family or anyone. I think that is who you are, authentically yourself. And then you hear this another, already I'm thinking, wow, this Arsika. Yeah, yeah. No, but you're actually underplaying it. Yeah, but you know, this and because during my turmoil times, any time of the day I've picked up the phone and told you, hey Arsika, I need some clarity on this. I don't know how to do this. You've always been there, and I've always been like, wow, she's so amazing, isn't it? Just telling me I'm old and uh I've developed this age right now. I'm Akha was five years apart from her, this cow, like all these. I don't know you if you ever call me Akka in front of anyone. I'm not telling that no one I was. Yeah, she's telling me. But this is like you're not doing it. Yeah, but this relationship has a lot of love and endearment and adoration and admiration. But I think the respect that I have for you, I've always had that for you. But it's gone. Thank you. Because as a mother, as a woman, and as a car interventional cardiologist, it's not easy what you just pulled on that day. But then let's. I'm sure you're normalizing it for all of the medical field, but for us to just hear about the fact that this is a very important thing.

SPEAKER_01 36:16

We shouldn't be normalizing it. Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, you know, we should not be normalizing it.

SPEAKER_02 36:21

But uh, you know, in terms of cardiology is literally life or death. You're holding somebody's life in your hand, you're playing God. Was there ever a moment, a patient moment that broke you? That you can remember from all these years of your profession if you had to pick just one. Every time somebody dies on my table, kick it too hard.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

It takes me a long time to get over it. Uh my first patient death. Yeah. Oh, it was it was it was extremely traumatic. I took it, I mean, it took me to my father's death. I it was uh it was it was big. It was really big. Then I called my mentor, and it's like I the patient teachers asked me one question.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Did you do the procedure for the right reasons?

SPEAKER_01 37:12

Yeah. I was like, Yes.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

This person was afraid. Then you have done everything you could put continually.

SPEAKER_01 37:18

So it was a process of learning and process of growth, but it was it is hard. I don't I mean, not that anybody will enjoy that. Um maybe it is you know, losing a dad. Oh yeah, uh when I was suffering. Chronologically 27, emotionally 17 is what I would say. Uh yeah, you know, it's it's I don't know. That's the one part of this game I played, I hate. Because it is life or death, and then um and sometimes you lose the game despite the best game you have played.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

It's it's it's uh it's you know, it's just too complicated.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

So is there what you have to say for young doctors who might have lost a patient on their table? Like, did you do the procedures for the treasure?

SPEAKER_01 38:06

And you utilize everything that was in your capacity to give the patient the best care. Yeah. Due diligence. If due diligence was done, due diligence was done before during, then I mean you are human. Despite interventional cardiogeneology, you are human. Okay, you're not, you know. So I think that's the most important lesson uh for myself. Keep repeating it for over and over again, and to every person who wants to go to medicine, and you don't need to be a proceduralist. So you can be a non-invasive uh person, even then, you know, patient loss happens. So it cuts me hard for uh you know any doctor, you know, and do religious. Have you done everything in your capacity to do the right thing? Right.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

I can imagine how that tough that must be. Um but was there like a moment as uh as much as you'd have you would have had moments like these. Was there a moment where, or are there moments where you feel where you reaffirm that okay, this is why I chose to do this, and this is why I chose to be this doctor? You have so many of those channels. Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

I mean, yeah, so you know, so in interventional cardiology, you're gonna get really crazy when I say this. There is uh even more complex stuff for called chronic total occlusion where blood vessels are blocked for a long period of time. So think of a tunnel, and the tunnel collapses with pebbles and rubbles, and you know, and I have to find my way across. So, and in South Carolina and the tertiary center, so most of the time I get uh perceived patients who have been attempted by other doctors and they have failed. And then they come to RSC.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

Okay, so then that's like super step.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Again, I lost sleep on that, okay? So there was this one patient, um, you know, yeah, and uh you know, he said, Oh, uh, we came to you, we've driven six hours. I'm like, what? I'm like, why did you drive six hours? Yeah, that is that is they are in a different state from they came all the way. He said, No, we went to Cleveland Clinic, okay, and they told me to come to you. Imagine that. That's a moment.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Like, that's really amazing.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Amazing. Then again, I'm going to rally up on the Don't let on this get away. How cool is that? That's so cool. I think that was a moment that I've just shown her rather to happen. So between for almost all my intellectual cardiology colleagues will uh agree on that, the degree of uh separation between success and failure is one millimeter for us. You know, it's it's a one millimeter clot, one millimeter pebble of calcium which you know tears through the blood vessels and we so you have to be humble. Yes, yes, we'll enjoy this secretly, but cautiously humble is what we are, you know.

SPEAKER_02 41:23

So do you still feel fear before every procedure? Like a tiny benefit. Or after hearing that, I'm thinking it will even be fear.

SPEAKER_01 41:33

Oh no, no, no. You have to have fear. It's respect. It's um uh you can't you can't get cocky. Um if you get cocky in the cat lab, bloody that calcium will hit you when you're behind, and you can not get cocky. You have to um get it together, go into your tree channel. Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes. You have to definitely go into the you cannot get cocky.

SPEAKER_02 41:58

Is there like a pre-u-procedure, like before you scrub in, like a power court or like a prep that you do in your head for yourself or like a song that you listen to? Is that what's your routine before you go in and be that superstar?

SPEAKER_01 42:11

Um I'm not a superstar, sometimes super failure. So it's not uh, you know, life is not all love. Uh you know, it's not true.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

But that's what makes you a superstar, right? You acknowledge it, you're not like letting it get to your head. Although someone did drive all the way from three, you're not sitting yes now.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

There has to be a process. If you don't have a process, uh so it's preparation. You know, I sit with my fellow, we go through the films and step uh I don't go with plan A. I go with plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan B. Okay, if all this fails, this is it. We have what when to call. It's more like, you know, how do you fail? If you're not gonna, can you do it safely? We'll come back and fight another day because you you can get so close to the tree that you get, you know, you start dealing with the vessel, you forget that there's a human being. So you have to kind of reel yourself back in. So you have to have hard stops. So you need the team. Uh it's not RC's show, it's the team's show, and I am only as good as my team.

SPEAKER_02 43:18

Let's dive into how you had to let go of your political denacity here and the identity that you had back home. Yes. Yeah. This is an interesting uh segment. Do you feel like you escaped your surname? Or uh did you feel did you? I'm sure you felt the pressure of it, not back in the US. Uh, but do you feel like you escaped it or that you transcended it? That's a tough question. You can take your time.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

Uh so at one point, our uh ancestors left Thirukovara and came to Tiruval. And they can went from Tiruval to Chen. So maybe this is my journey. Yeah. I need to take this family from you know to a different place and take it at a different. No, we don't all have to be in politics and service comes in multiple uh ways, right? So I think um medicine was my calling. Medicine is uh uh I don't I practice, I don't practice a religion, I practice medicine. Like you know uh so uh so uh do we did I transcend it? History time has to say that, man. How can I say that right now? People not.

SPEAKER_02 44:24

Two would say that, yeah. Right? People in TV would say that. Like you don't have to be so many things coming by all the time. I for one feel like you have to. Yeah, you have like I have the answer to that question already. What are you talking about? Time has to say. Yeah, I'm still young, okay? I I still have more to do. It needs to be more. Yeah. But before we go into the next question, after what you told me about it's the theme, and like sometimes you get too close to the seller. So being an interventional cardiologist, getting to see the insides of human, I want to know the perspective on life, right? When people take everything too seriously, but you are literally dealing with the real things that matter in life. Do you like that? Does that help you in a way to kind of overlook the pettiness of life, the frugality of life? And you're like, hey, you know what, blah dah. Like, can we just move on? How does that happen? Like, how do you impart that to your children? Like, I'm sure they are teenagers, they come to you with like, hey, you know what, that this and all. How do you deal with that?

SPEAKER_01 45:26

And you know, be that there's a good, I mean, it's a fantastic question. It's a tough question, also. Again, there's good and the bad. So, you know, when my kids call me, the first question my staff would be asking every child has a ringtone assigned. So that I know when I hear the ringtone, this child is calling, blah, blah. And the question is, are you bleeding? Are you safe? If you're not bleeding and uh you're okay, we'll talk later. End of story. Right? So that's the pettiness of life, or something like that. So that is the advantage. The disadvantages I'm like my four dramatic little daughter, okay? Like my life is all dramatic, I'm like, it's not that big a deal. Honestly, do not gaslight. Oh, yes, it is real. It's a learning process for me, also. You're raising amazing individuals.

SPEAKER_03 46:16

Like you as a manager.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

They are, I think. I remember my second son, how my little one imprinted with him. And he was giving in to his four-year-old fantasies when he wanted to sit next to him. He was like, Do you think you want to be a boxer to see those two huge characters with that type of? I think you're doing great. But I really wanted to pick your brain on that. Because sometimes after seeing what uh I don't say what I've seen, like you want to concentrate on things that anchor you. For me, it's like, okay, I've seen the worst, but for you, you see the worst every day with your patients, right? So to anchor you like that, like, but still not gaslight your children, right?

SPEAKER_01 46:54

It is hard, it's it's it's a journey. I'm learning, I haven't perfect in it. Um, you know, I always say take the good and leave the bad. You know, life is too hard, it's too short, it is too fragile. Yeah, right? Yeah. So you can't fix it on the things and just not adding value to life. God, if everybody just lived by that rule. Happy horror.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

Happy place. Yes, uh, coming back to you know, the thing of all the legacy, did you ever feel grief or like did you ever feel like you missed out on something walking away from public life because you are an alpha, be it in a parent or be it in the field that you were in, do you think uh did you ever feel like huh? Maybe or don't.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

See, our politics is not for me because because I I need to do my own stuff. I don't like to be told what to do. I can't follow rules. I would have been a terrible politician. Like, because I'm like screwed up. Maybe a great one too. I I mean China was not ready for me. Man, like the world is not ready for me. That's all I can say. Don't ask me to come, man, if you are not ready for me. So uh uh because I I but I I don't know, I want to serve, but uh in my terms, like you know in politics it's a you have to be uh you have to follow a leader, you have to follow all that stuff that is all little difficult for me. Uh you know, so it's okay. I I'm so happy in this space. I love it, and I you know there's an impact, there's a there's a women's group, there's so many different approaches to this.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

So it's changing the narrative for so many women, I feel like. It's not glamorous, there's no glamour in this.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

Yeah, right. But there's meaning. Oh, sure. Okay, that's all. Yeah, but there's so glamour. That's not true. I think there's a glamour. Glamorous, yeah. You really do. You have to see me post call, stinky, and I think that's a superhero I want to take a picture with.

SPEAKER_02 49:03

I'm like, my god, amazing. Yeah, I truly feel like you know, with everything that you're sharing and everything that I've seen, you are living, you know, your own legacy, and it's so beautiful. And it's so, you know, it's so heartwarming to see somebody do this. But um, how do you think you'd want your children to define legacy? Because you've seen legacy of different kinds. And you're living you've built your own legacy and it's not to build.

SPEAKER_01 49:29

It's theirs to build, they're gonna find their own purpose, right? Okay, all privilege gives you is a choice in life, yeah. That itself is a big privilege, yeah. But privilege without a purpose, a purpose without passion is pointless. True, you know, and it's so in especially with the advent of AI, where everything is, you know, going to be a little bit more easier or something like that. My wish for them is find your purpose. And and and they have to fight for it. I can't go give it to them, they need to figure it out themselves. That's their that's their fight. Right.

SPEAKER_02 50:09

That is so mess. I'm only reminded of how um in one of the conversations we stumbled upon the fact that your son got a tattoo, and when you got to know about it, you were like, you know, it's him, it's his body, let him get it.

SPEAKER_01 50:21

Tattoos have been in the tower culture for he adds. My husband was like, oh well.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

Yeah, it's a tattoo. That's an amazing as we can. So everything that you have built, if your dad ever got to share about all that you've achieved as a mom in the field of cardiology when people try to six-as and come and see you. And you you are a superstar from the past uh few uh hours or minutes of conversation we've held. Everything that you even personally, while saving someone's life, how you had to be there for them before you had to be there for yourself. How do you think your dad would feel? He better be bloody proud. That's all I can say I better be. Like from all that we've uh heard about your dad, like you know, read or did our research, he's been this formidable uh monolithic personality. I think you are truly a father's daughter with the way you have like owned the field that you are in, like an alpha parent or an alpha ambitious uh human, I want to say, in your field. I think he'd be so more than proud. Yeah, okay, my nice work. Dawan, that one's like you know, falling too close to the tree, you know.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

I think that's what it is. See, I I mean, but also like life is all about what happens to you. You don't get to uh choose my father died. Uh uh and what would have happened if he was alive? I maybe I wouldn't have been this artist. Like, you know, uh as much as my I'm my father's daughter, I'm also my mother's daughter. Wow. You know, I'm I'm Malliga has a big role to play. Yeah, and as I said, this would have been Maliga's life. This should have been Maliga's life. Wow, yeah, right? Uh, Maliga should have been a doctor, she would have ruled the roost. Yeah, right. Uh this should have been, you know, it's it's unfortunate that her, you know, it was didn't happen. Um so yeah, I I think uh this is this is the way it is. But I'm as much as Malniga's daughter, as much as I'm Russell Maran's daughter.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

Yeah, that's why I was coming to the next, you know. Since you speak about uh your mom wanting to have been a doctor, how does she feel about it? You know, moments when she realized, okay, now you've made it, you know, the initial years when you were like, you were even now when you probably come back home and you're like having these conversations with her. I know to degree after degree after degree. I'm sure Malivata knows about it. How does she feel about this? My mother is a proper thumbed parent.

SPEAKER_01 53:04

Right. Noble press Vangia.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

I can imagine I I just heard her. I heard it through your voice. Yeah, she is the strong pillar at home. Like she's the most fun, most bold uh female at home that I've actually had the pleasure to be around. And she's always the life of any party when she walks into and I'm sure that's what she just said to you. But does it ever like have some lineage when it comes to your kids? Like the pampering or like you know, oh, the glorifying, even if your kids just did the most big.

SPEAKER_01 53:47

Uh unfortunately, my kids don't have that experience because we were separated by time and space. Yeah, right. And you know, my mother uh became a different human being after my father died. Uh, you know, so so um it was I lost not just my father, I lost my mother also. Of course. Uh, with when this happened to us. So uh unfortunately that did not happen to me. Uh, but that's okay. You know, it's just life goes on, and again, you know, if we're all alive, we're all at it, it's okay.

SPEAKER_02 54:16

It's so amazing the perspective you have on life, Asika, and the things that you've gone to achieve, not letting anything bring you down. I think that's an amazing takeaway for us. How you said legacy is not what you inherit, and legacy is something that you want your children to see you become and something that they have to build for themselves. I think that's the most beautiful thing that I've heard today. Setting the bar so high. To have a mom like you and also a dad like Rana, like I'm sure, as a power couple, moved away from, like you said, privilege gives you choices, right? But you went and created your own. I think you've set the bar so high for those two colours. The three kids back at, you know, and they might hate us for it. Okay, we're not gonna set the bar so high. I don't think so. I don't think so at all.

SPEAKER_01 55:07

See, after some time, it's life doesn't become about making your parents proud, it's about oh my god, my children could be proud of me. Yeah, so true. That's so true.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

Yeah, it's DBD. Jump into a rapid fire. Yeah. Uh, one word to describe your relationship with ambition. Very close, very intimate. Love that, love that, really. One belief about sucks is you've unlearned. It's okay to fail. Completely okay to fail. Right. Um, the hardest part of being a woman in medicine. Men. One thing, motherhood taught you medicine never. Patience. Ah, okay.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

It's a very uh limited resource in my life.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

Okay, one piece of advice to daughters uh from powerful families.

SPEAKER_01 56:06

Go bloody become financially independent all by yourself. Yes, period. Might drop.

SPEAKER_03 56:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:16

Definitely, I'm with you on that. Uh-huh. Your definition of legacy in 2026. Purpose. Purpose is your legacy.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

That's it. Your purpose could be fashion. Your purpose could be creating a new lipstick. Your purpose could be a hell-I don't care. Find your purpose. Just you know, be passionate about your purpose. Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Um, okay, a moment that you felt so proud of yourself. Oh, I mean, uh, the cat lab, man. The cat lab is uh my seventh place, it's my proudest, it's my the highest highs and the lowest lows. Right. Uh the the prouder moments is when I'm not gaslighting my children and I'm like, see? Because those don't come naturally to call it. I had to imbibe those uh sensitivities or whatever. That's hard that we do a residency again. Right. Oh my god, the car is carrying me.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

Race yourself. You know, you don't mind calling. Because yeah, I think you've bossed your way more than anything. I think you still, in spite of parenting, you still are their friend. I think that's a hard thing to crack.

SPEAKER_01 57:35

Papa Papa, TB Nida. We have to see it's not over. Oh, the baby has still no ways to go. Does it ever get over? It doesn't get over. Parenting is a full-time job. It is a never-ending job. Like, you know, I still want my mother. I'm still pissed off. My mother is not as present as I expect her to be. I mean, like, you know, it's it's okay. You can I can have my expectations and life can give what it can give to me. That's all a moment you almost quit. Human. Marin Pulat. I hope you're watching the new one. It was a very simple situation. Uh he was born. I mean, you I don't know why. Maybe I was so absent because I went into interventional cardiology fellowship. Right. I don't remember. It was just, I, you know, I take care of him, and I had like a journal club, I had a present for a journal club. I remember sitting in the concert, oh, I don't know this anymore. Like, you know, I just like screamed. Yeah, and then like that is the closest uh uh I you know, I was like, I can't, I you know, got over it very quickly.

SPEAKER_03 58:46

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 58:48

So what if all the all the women out there, our audience, our listeners, if you all are listening to it, you're not alone. All of us do it. So it's okay, get it out of your system. Yeah, sit in that car for that extra five minutes and scroll through your phone, scream in the shower, and do what you gotta do to get it out of your system and get back into that game. We all do it. It's normal. Yeah, it's normal. Yes, one more question. A coach you live by.

SPEAKER_01 59:15

Those who want to do a thing, find a way. Those who don't, find an excuse.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

That's right, that's the best fitting to be your best coat. Yeah. But like one more question, sorry. We know that you have your own podcast, Rebote, which is amazing. Yes, infinite health, yes. Which is amazing. I learned so much from it. So when I wanted to plug in this question, uh Nish, I was like, yeah, you know, she has her own podcast, and we'll redirect our audience to that, which we will. You should go and uh you know tune into infinite health. And she is way ahead of us, she's done hundred odd episodes, and she is like I the kind of dedication that goes into educating people, the things that I learned from it, all of us learn from it. And she's such a natural, yeah, and you make wisdom so fun. Yeah, so followable. So um, yeah, so you have to tune into that. But just for our audience, three things that you uh wish people did for better heart health.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:16

Okay, can you please exercise for God's sake? That's all. Yeah, number one. Number two, don't fall for biohacking. You can't biohack your way out of a donut or none of this. You can't need a donut this side and biohack. Yeah, so just be sensible. Like, you know, common sense is becoming an uncommon commodity in these states. So just common sense, don't go to extremes, use judgment, punjon. Like, you know, yeah, stop smoking. Stop smoking, stop vaping, stop, you know, all of that nonsense. Right. That exercise. The path to health is not as complicated as the world has made it. Great, great.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:00

So that's the end of our other play around. Yeah. So we are gonna close this, but before we close it, RCK, we want you to drive this episode home. Like in the sense, for the uh audience, for the women, for the men, children, whomever is listening to it or watching this, what do you think their takeaway should have been from this past few minutes of you sitting and sharing your light, your experiences, and your thoughts with us from this phenomenal episode. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:28

Find your purpose, fight for your purpose, take up space. Especially the women or girls are listening to it. Take up your space, own the space. It's okay. Don't let your fear come in the way of your life, don't let the fear of failure come in the way of your success. That's I'll leave it.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:50

That's so beautiful. Yeah, we've absolutely enjoyed having this conversation with you. It was the easiest conversation, which was so inspirational. It was like sitting with another sister and you're having this conversation. And uh, that was Dr. R. C. Marin for you, and uh it was not about the life of privilege, it's about choosing your finding your purpose and fighting for it and giving it your all, and you can have it all. It might like look glamorous, but you are gonna be doing those sacrifices, climbing that mountain. But like Ray always says, the view is gonna be phenomenal. The view is fantastic. Yes, thank you so much. We're so happy. We're so happy that you could join us, Arsika, because truly sitting across this, I mean, sitting across you and hearing you talk about all of these things that we just so gladly chatted about. It's just uh real example that power is not something that's inherited, you know, it's something that you just earn quietly and you find deep within yourself, chiseling yourself and chiseling your uh path, you know, to what would really make you happy, to the destination that you'd be happy being at. And I think that's the real revolution. And you are a real superstar in every sense of the word. And we're so glad that you could join us. And we cannot wait for this episode to be out because I'm going to be fangirling as I sit on the couch and you know watch this on TV. So thank you so much for your time. And that was two piece and a part for you with Dr. R.C. Marin on finding your purpose and building your path. Thanks for being here. If you are here for the first time, we're so grateful for it. If someone shared this with you, we're still grateful for it. Share it with a friend if you think there's a lot of takeaway from this. And our repeat audience, our subscribers, if you're not subscribed, like, comment.