Jealousy

Join us this week as we talk about jealousy.  It is a green eyed monster, or can it be helpful? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. This week's episode is on jealousy. Is the green-eyed monster ruining your life?

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Quick disclaimer: while we do have a background in mental health care, we are not your licensed mental health providers. If you're in need of professional mental health care, please reach out to a local office near you. If you're in crisis, please dial 911 or 988 for immediate assistance.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

You are like far back. I am. Just living your best life.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

I am living my best life right now. Yeah. It's really great. This is a comfortable couch. It's a nice couch. It is a really nice couch. Thank you. Um, so it was storming real bad earlier. Yes, it was. It was real scary. Um we we were not on the air last week.

SPEAKER_01 1:14

No, we weren't, so we totally skipped an episode.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

We did.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

What did what was happening in our lives last week? Everything. So many things. So many things. Yeah. I actually had texted you because I couldn't remember. I was like, hey, I have two questions. And I asked you, you know, one question, and then the other question was, Do we have an episode for Deep Thoughts? Um, because if so, I need to post about it. And it was crickets. Never responded. She never responded. Never responded. And I knew what happened. She read it. She was like, oh yeah. And then she forgot to message me back.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

That is correct.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

So then I followed up with, Hey, when you come, do you want Tonga Salad? And she was like, Oh yeah. And or it was something innocuous like that. And she responded to that and responded to, No, we don't have an episode. And I was like, Well, no crap, Sherlock, because three days later. Three days later, I assumed not. No. Um, yeah. Are you scratching your butt?

SPEAKER_02 2:22

No, I'm trying to pop my back. It hurts really bad.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

This is not our typical for deep knots. We typically are a lot more professional, um, but we're pulling some pure mountain mysteries over here. Listen, I'm currently on my period.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

And that's that's it. That's all I wanted to share.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

I was looking for more. I'm struggling.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Um not pregnant. So that's basically the positive. Oh, that's exciting.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yes, it is. Thank you. I try, you know. No. So I'm in that week, and you're in this week.

SPEAKER_02 3:04

I am.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

I think I'm about done though. So thanks for exciting. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

I am my most fertile, so watch out, everybody.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Watch out for fertile myrtle over here. Oh, you know it. Um, okay, so jealousy. That's what we're talking about. Let's focus here. Let's focus here with the green eye monster. Yes. So, um yeah. Let me find the questions I was gonna. It's terrible. I'm so sorry. Um, okay, so thinking about jealousy. I've got some some questions for us here to kind of think about.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

Um place holds. Let me find them.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

There we go. Our next episode will be on organization. Organization. How to help your friends.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

Um, yeah. So thinking about like what is jealousy actually trying to tell us? Why do we compare ourselves to others even when it hurts? And is jealousy rooted more in insecurity or desire?

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Okay, so let's start with the first one. Okay. So say the first one again for me. Sorry. Yep, yep, you got it. Uh, what is jealousy actually trying to tell us? Okay. What is jealousy actually trying to tell us?

SPEAKER_02 4:29

That's a great question, Holly. I'd love to know the answer. Um, I think um I'm trying to think of a time.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

I think it's normal. I think that you would not be human unless you were jealous at some point in your life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

And I think there's like different areas of our lives that we feel jealousy. I think we can feel jealousy in our personal, like relationships and friendships. And then in the like professional setting, um, that kind of thing happens a lot. I'm trying to think of the last time that I really felt jealous of somebody.

SPEAKER_01 5:12

I mean, I I honestly I think jealousy starts when we're young. Yeah. It can be, you know, because we're kind of trying to figure out that sense of fairness, right? Like, but that's not fair. Why does she get this? And I don't get that. You know what I mean? So it starts very, very young.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Yeah, I remember being like a young kid and being really jealous of my friends who were like just even like just more athletic than I was. Um, like I was not a basketball player. I couldn't, I wasn't very fast. I was not a good runner, um, that kind of thing. And growing up in a very competitive, I grew up in competitive dance, which is an extremely competitive sport, and a really um can be a really unhealthy environment sometimes. There is so much comparing yourself to other people. Like your body in general to other people, like your ability level, like your flexibility, your how many turns can you do? And I was I just remember being so jealous all the time, people who had beautiful extensions and like um flexibility because I am not naturally flexible. Um, I had to work really, really, really hard to have the tiniest amount of flexibility that I did have. Um so that was always a real struggle for me. And that comparing of myself to others was really hard, especially as a teenager. Oh, absolutely. As a teenage girl, that was tough.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Absolutely. Absolutely. Um you know, I think that jealousy I don't know. I mean, I think like I said, it starts really very young, and it could be over something kind of innocuous, like, why did you get a bigger piece of the pie than I did? But that really does translate into other things, like why did they get that promotion and I didn't? You know, why why do they um get to be off at this time and I don't? Why, you know, like all of those things that translate into whether you're professional life or, you know, like we talked about in your personal life of of, you know, even even like you've heard about moms having like stroller envy. Like, oh my gosh, they have a nicer stroller than me. You know, just something so ridiculous that we can become jealous over the smallest things. Yeah. Um, and we can be jealous over bigger things. I mean, I know like my father is his whole family, and some of it is rooted in competitiveness, like we talked about. Um, my dad's family really like all the kids, there were five siblings, and they were all competitive against each other. Like they were they were basically born into this family where their parents were like, You gotta be better than their sibling. How are you gonna do that? So they always are one-up in each other. And part of their one up in each other is like, Oh, I just bought a brand new car. So then the other has to go buy a brand new car. Right. And then the next one's like, I just brought a new house. Well, the other has to go buy you know what I mean, and they're always trying to updo each other, and it's just because it's all about jealousy. And instead of being happy for somebody, they're jealous of them.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Yeah, I I see that with um, and then I think we too try to find a reason for why that person has other opportunities. Like, oh, well, it's because they know somebody, or oh, it's because of this or because of that. And like for me, um my brother and I are both um, we both danced on a college clogging team, if you don't know anything about clogging. Um, but we both danced um on that, which was like, you know, it was a college-level dance team, so there was a lot of opportunity that came with that. And, you know, over the years, you know, he at competitions when we would compete, we would compete together, um, always in different categories because I did separate male and female, but he would always like score higher than me or get um like a different title or a different award than I got. And I would always be like, oh, well, it's because he's a man. Like it's it's in the dance world we call it penis privilege. Gotcha. Yeah. And you know, it was always like what it's a privilege to have a penis. Yeah, it was one of those things where I was like, Oh, it can't possibly be because he's better than I am. It has to be because of this. And he isn't like, I mean, he's an incredible dancer. I mean, he is probably he's a much better traditional dancer than I am, he's a much better flat foot dancer than I am. If you don't understand the words I'm saying, look up clogging. Um, and I will honestly say he's probably a better contemporary dancer than I am. Um contemporary clogger. Like, he just has like this natural ability that, you know, and he still to this day gets offers to travel with the team and do these things. And I've always like been a little bit jealous of like that opportunity. And I'm like, oh, well, it's because he's a man, like it's because they need boys. And while that's partially true, he also wouldn't get those opportunities if he wasn't talented, right? And like if he wasn't an incredible dancer. So I think me, like I try to be mindful of that of like when I'm when he's talking about it, or like when somebody's telling me, like, oh, you know, he's gonna go do this, and I'm like, oh well, it's just because he has a penis. Um, and that's that like penis privilege and dance or whatever. Um, that is kind of bel like not belittling, but like it kind of I feel like it takes away from that from his talent. From from his talent. And so I'm trying to be like, and that's something that I've struggled with, like, even recently. Like, I try I'm trying to be much more mindful about the way that I feel about that and like recognizing it in myself and not projecting that.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Because I want him to be proud of like the and he's one of those people, like, he doesn't care about what I like. Well, and I think he just doesn't care.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

A lot of that comes from having a penis. Like guys just are like, they just don't care as much. But yeah. Um yeah, so there's my little vulnerability right there. I mean, I think for me, I had a period certainly in my sort of late 20s. I think that's where really I saw it more, was I had, you know, a lot of my college friends who were like getting married, and you know, I was like kind of jealous of that because I I wasn't at that point. Um, and you know, one of my good friends, um, you know, she was actually my best friend, and she was getting married, and I was I was really happy for her, but also, you know, a smidge jealous, like why her? Why not me? But then um, so my friend didn't think that she would be able to have any children. Um, and not long after she got married, she called me and said, You'll never guess I'm pregnant. And I I still um really feel guilty about this, but I was pretty nasty. Um, and it really truly came from jealousy. Right. That I was like, oh my god, you get everything. Like, and you know, and I was I was really in my own emotions, and it was projected on her, and what should have been like I'm pregnant, yay, was like negative from me. And that was truly unfair. Um it really was, and you know, as as life has gone on, like yeah, I mean, I still have moments of jealousy, like you know, I mean, I'm out here doing this um parenting thing um half the time by myself, and that is really, really hard. Um, and I get very jealous of that.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I get jealous of the ones who, you know, can tag somebody in, not a problem, like, oh, just go upstairs and have your dad take care of it. And I don't have that, and I get very um envious, I would say. I mean, and maybe even jealous. Yeah. Like, that's not fair. Why don't I have that? But then I think about all the things that I do have, and I think I'm very fortunate, and there are other people who are probably like, why does she have that? You know? Right. It's such a dirty cycle.

SPEAKER_02 14:24

It is, and it's like it's almost like a dirty little secret. It is already like to talk about it too feels like, oh, kind of like revealing the the inner workings of your psyche a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Oh, don't go there. What's what's question number two?

SPEAKER_02 14:42

Um, let's see. Is jealousy rooted more in insecurity or desire? Ooh. I think it can be both. Um, I think insecurity when it comes maybe to like comparing ourselves to others. Yeah. Um, and then like desire sometimes of like you desire what that other person has, you know. That's kind of where I what I look at when I think about that.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I think it's true. I mean, I think like oh, like I I really want that, and you're getting that. It kind of goes back to that being a kid. I wanted that, and they got it. Yeah. Um, but then also the insecurity piece. I know for me, my insecurity was no one will ever love me. No one will ever marry me, no one will ever, you know, we will not have children, we will not, you know, you will never get the things that you desire because you don't deserve them.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

That yeah, that comes out.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Oh, yeah. That idea of deserving things because you don't you're not good enough and you don't deserve it. You don't deserve good things in life. That got deep, man. It it gets deep fast when we start to go into my psyche. Uh let me tell you, it's uh pretty messed up in there.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

No, I mean I think that's but I think that's something that a lot of people probably think. And I know like I've thought that before about different things in my life. Of well, I d I don't have that because I don't deserve it. Um And then sometimes then I think when good things happen to us, we really like I really question it. Like I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop when something good happens because I'm like, I don't deserve to be this happy.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

I agree, and I I feel like too, when somebody brings it up, like when somebody will be like, oh my gosh, you're getting married, or oh my gosh, you know, this is happening. For me, I I downplay it so bad. Yes, I'm like, okay, shut up about it, you know, like it's almost like an embarrassment in a way.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Yeah, and it that's so true, and I felt that so much with like getting engaged. Yeah. Where people will be like, oh my gosh, congratulations, or whatever. And I'm like, yep, it's it's cool. We're really excited. Let's move on now, let's not talk about it anymore. And I don't know why. Like, it's this should, and it is, it's is truly like one of like I'm so happy. I'm so excited about getting married and like having a wedding and all that thing. Like, I'm very excited about that, but at the same time, I'm also like, please don't talk to me about it. Let's not mention it. And I don't know if it's because I'm afraid it's all gonna fall apart, or it's because I don't deserve to be that happy, or never expected that to happen. And I'm just kind of waiting for it to like implode. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

I don't know, I don't know what that is about me. I'm the same way, and I don't know if it's shyness, because there's this piece of like okay, like I don't know, like um not wanting to be the center of attention. Yeah, it made you feel uncomfortable, and you're right. You also you're like, don't jinx it, don't make this fall apart, just shut up about it. Like, okay, it's cool. And yes, drawing any kind of attention to it just makes you feel like okay, I don't want to talk about it. Like, you know, when when you're dating somebody new and they're like, oh my gosh, tell me about Dylan, you know, whatever. I'm just making up names Dylan. I'm making up names here. Tell me about Dylan. Oh, I'm so excited for you. Oh, is he hot? Is he cute? Is he muscular? Tell me.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

I hate that. I do too. Do you do the thing where you immediately point out what's wrong with them? 100%. Like when people ask me about my fiance, um, like when we were dating, and they're like, oh well, tell me about him. Like, tell me all this stuff, and I'm like, He doesn't put the toilet seat down. He's such a nerd. He's which is not a bad thing. Um, but like I constantly go to like all the things that make him not right for me. And I don't know why I do that or why I did that. I still kind of do that. And he's great.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

Like, I don't know. I don't know why I do that. But you know what? I I think that there's that part of it where you're so hoping that they see how wonderful he is just like you do, but you also know that they're like little quirks, and you're like, oh, that's the first thing they're gonna see. And so I need to warn them that there are these quirks so that they can understand him like I understand him and love him. You know what I mean? Like it's almost like you're you're trying to warn them. Yeah. Because you don't want them to come back to you and say, Oh my gosh, Haley, like, dude's such a nerd. You know what I mean? Like, you don't want them to point because that goes back to you and I being the type of people, like, I'm gonna ditch you before you ditch me. Right, yeah. We want to pre-warn people so they can see, like, hey, no, no, no, I know he's a nerd, I've told you that, and I'm I'm a step ahead of you here. Yeah, like I'm already aware.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

Uh-huh. I know this about him, I love this about him. It's safety, it's emotional safety. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that is where like jealousy can come out, is when we don't feel emotionally safe. Exactly. Um Yeah. We've had some revelations.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Tell me, has there ever been a time where, like, for us, whether whether you've had jealousy of me and vice versa?

SPEAKER_02 21:12

That's a good question. Um, I would say yeah. Um, for sure. I think like professionally, I've been jealous of you before. Like, I don't know. I always just feel like I felt like sometimes I don't know how to like say that. Like maybe even like financial stability, even. Like I've always just felt like you're so good with money. And like you just have it like financially together, and you've had the jobs that like pay. Well ish in our field as well as it can. Um, I don't know. I just always felt like you had that together and like you are not like I would have been terrified to buy a house like in the the circumstances that you did, and I would never like I could never have done that. Like I would have been so fearful of that. So I think I envy like your ability to just figure it out, like figure your shit out and just do it, because I'm not that person where I just like freeze when things are difficult like that. Like when it's too overwhelming, I just totally shut down and just won't do it. Um where I don't I don't think you do that. I think you just kind of you just do it. Like I don't know, when I think about like my friend who has her shit together, I'm like, oh yeah, Holly has her shit together.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Yeah. Thank you for thinking that, but my shit is really a mess.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Well, and that's I think that's part of it too. It's like what your friends think of you and then what you are like is like so totally opposite sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 23:15

Um yeah. Well, in in speaking to that, I think that it's so funny that professionally you've had those moments of of envy of me. Yeah. I have had that of you because you are incredibly intelligent, just like wickedly smart, and you're kind of this whiz kid who can sort of just get any job. It's like you are this person who's like, oh yeah, just cash. You're like, oh yeah, I just interviewed for this like big job. And boom, it's like the next day you got it. Like it's just it's insane. And I'm like, what? This is crazy. And you're like, oh yeah, you know, and and I think part of it is I'm also recognizing that I'm getting to that point in my age where I'm getting older. I mean, we all are, but I'm middle-aged, and so I recognize that as a woman, particularly in the field, um, my days are a little more numbered. And so I can't move into some of these areas like you can. Right. And I think that that for me is like, man, she just can like, she's got it, and she and and I see you going for it. I'm like, wow, that's just incredible. And it's just, I'm like, she has all these connections and she has all this stuff, and oh my gosh. And so I think that that that for me I've seen a lot too. Yeah. And I must say, where normally um I would be like, here, she's got herself a man, you know, doing all these things. I don't feel that way. I feel very happy for you. Oh well, thanks. Yeah. So it's different.

SPEAKER_02 25:02

Yeah, it's different. And it's like my first instinct when people because I've had people tell me that like a lot. They're like, I'm so like it just all comes people tell me a lot of the time, like, oh, things like jobs and opportunities have come very easily to me. And I think and I tell people like when I tell people like my history and my story, and like you know, how really it's just like my career history when I'm telling people that kind of stuff, and they're like, oh my gosh, that's amazing, that's incredible. I'm like, it's really not like to me, it's not because I'm like, I was just very lucky. I think like I've been in the right place at the right time and known the right people, and that's always what I because I'm very hesitant to ever say, like, oh yeah, I did that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Well, because I mean there's a piece of it that, and especially in women, yeah, if women at all take on a yeah, I worked really hard to get here. You're um you're a bitch. Yeah, you are um, she thinks she knows everything, you know, you're not humble. You need to be humble. You'd be grateful for the people who helped you get where you were. Exactly. All of that, yeah. Absolutely. A hundred percent. Whereas, you know, acknowledging, like, yeah, I mean, I I did work really hard, and I I'm grateful for everybody who helped me in all these opportunities. But I also did it because those people weren't there in the interview. Um, they're not doing the job every day, and you are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

So yeah, I definitely think that's it's a that's a women issue for sure. Absolutely. Like a man would never would never like try to make an excuse about how they got where they are. You know, like how they became successful.

SPEAKER_01 26:59

No, it you know, the penis alone will just promote you, you know, shock and awe. Like the penis. Yeah. They will rise. First you see it and you're in shock. And then you go, oh. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's about right. Yeah, that's it. That feels correct. It is correct. Yeah. Oh. Correct and direct. Sorry. You ain't correct unless you were wrecked. Oh. Oh, so there you go. There you go. That's that's how we measure success, the size of your penis. Exactly. Oh my god. Um, but you know, it it's so deep, right? Our insecurities. Um, and it if you start to kind of look, it's like, okay, mine tends to be more personal insecurity. Sometimes, though, it it is professional insecurity, but a lot of times it's more personal insecurity. Oh my god, the personal insecurity is the list of mile long. It's crazy. And I've noticed that with myself, when I start to feel that way, even like a fear of missing out is jealousy, right? Yeah. So, like, if my two friends, um, we do a lot together. We're kind of a threesome, but not sexually. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah. Um, so sometimes they will have hung out and they'll be like, oh yeah, we went to the movies, and I heard nothing about this. Like, nobody invited me to the movies. And there's that part of me that's like, I didn't get to go to the movies, that is jealous. Yeah. Um, or you know, it'll be like, oh yeah, you know, so and so came over because we weren't doing anything, and I'm like, nobody called me. Okay. And there was an event one time where, and my my good friend might remember this, where she said I was being butthurt. So there was a Halloween. Typically, we go out for Halloween, we go trick-or-treating, and we do all the things. Well, this year, um, in particular this one year, my friend's kiddo was with the dad. Gotcha. And so my friend and my other friend who's single, they decided to go to some concert or something. Gotcha. I did not get any kind of invite, nobody told me of this, and I had already in my head thought, okay, and we're gonna go trick-or-treating together. Yeah. And so I was mad. And so I articulated this to a friend of mine, and she said, Oh, stop being butthurt. Mmm. I would not speak to her, I shut her out, and she knows this, and we ended up having to talk about it because I shut down.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Like you're not gonna tell me that my feelings aren't valid because I'm hurt and I'm jealous, and I'm here telling you this and being vulnerable, and you're coming back at me with hey, yours butt hurt. You're just being a baby. Yeah, get over it.

SPEAKER_00 30:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Um, and I think that was really hurtful for me, and we we talked about it and we were good. Um, but yeah, I mean, I think it happens a lot.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Absolutely. Yeah, I find myself being like my insecurities coming to even like physical things. Like when I go to the gym, I mean, and I am on the treadmill or lifting or whatever I'm doing, and I, you know, look over and I see the girl that's a size two or whatever, and I'm like, I'm never gonna be look like her. Like, why do I even bother? Why do I even try? Why am I even here doing this when I feel like garbage and I feel like I look like garbage, and then I see this like gorgeous gor girl like doing all this stuff, and then and I'm sure she has insecurities too. Like, she may be looking at me and being like, Oh my god, I wish I had like her hips or her boobs or whatever. Um, because I will say I got good boobs. Yeah. Um, so granted, they one is one size bigger than the other, but you know what? You know what? They look good in a shirt. Um so I don't know. I just like I have to kind of remind myself of that, like, because then I'll get in my head about it and I'll stop going to the gym. Because I'm like, what's the point? And then my mental health, like, that's been such a big part of like my self-care has been like exercising.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

I agree. I think that um we do like to compare ourselves. It's easy to do. Um you know, any time that I've had anytime I've had friends who make me feel insecure, it really like dials up that jealousy. Yeah. Like there are some friends that you're just real with. I mean, even the one who told me I was butthurt. Yeah. Like we're just real with each other. Right. Versus, like, I've had friendships before with people who are so image-based, who care very much about. Oh, I had a one friend years ago who was all about the latest fashion and all about having the nicest things and the nicest car. And here's what I'm gonna say: the friends that I've ever had that really were image-based, we never took photos together. We never I was never in any photos. I was a friend, a good friend, who was always there, but mysteriously I was never a part of You weren't a part of their curated image. Correct. Right. Which in return made me feel like garbage. Yeah, yeah. And I I had two friends in particular over the years that I can think about that were like that. And one of the friends, um, I used to babysit her daughter. And actually, it was technically her granddaughter, but whatever. We're never we're neither here or there. Um, and I was good enough to be childcare. Right. But I and I was good enough to like hang out and be a friend and all those things, but I was just never like at the level, you know what I mean? Right. She always had cute little selfies with other people and that kind of thing. Um, but I just never felt good enough. And then I had another friend who, you know, we were we were good friends. We talked every day for a while. Um, and then suddenly things changed. And and and I did wonder too, if it wasn't jealousy on her part when things kind of shifted a little bit. Um, I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:07

It's so weird. It is weird like how those friendships change too, and like the friends you feel comfortable with.

SPEAKER_01 34:15

And I never felt comfortable in my body with any of those friends because I never felt good enough. I felt fat, I felt ugly, I felt and one of them used to give me her like trade clothes with me. Because, you know, and and so it was, you know, so it wasn't like she was just, you know, the tiniest thing ever, like we were the same guy, right?

SPEAKER_02 34:39

You know? Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

I think those friendships show us a lot about like ourselves, but also once we kind of get out of that, it's like, oh it was funny because the one friendship Haley was around and she was like, Oh my gosh, I'm glad you finally saw the light because I couldn't stand her.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Goodness. Like, I never liked her.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

And that's so funny because back then, you know, she didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

No, well, I mean, you guys like you talked literally every day. Yeah, we did. You were so close, and I was like, I'm not gonna be the person that's like, I hate your friend, I hate your friend, but I kind of hated your friend.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:29

Um now I hate her too. I need but I think you had to come to that realization on your own.

SPEAKER_01 35:35

And I think that her spawned from she got a lot of attention. Yeah. And when my son was born, and so there was a lot of attention on me, yeah, she didn't like that. Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

Well, and I think, like you've said before, you were always the one reaching out.

SPEAKER_01 35:55

No, she called me all the time. She called you, just kidding.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

It was vice versa. So, like she always needed something from you.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

Which was always um somebody to talk to, support, yeah, here's what happened today, kind of thing. Yeah. Um and when I had my child and things sort of changed a little, oh, she didn't have time for me. Right. Oh, you know. I and I don't know what it was, and I had made one comment to her, something about um, well, hello, stranger, and she was like, Well, why do you say that? And I was like, haven't heard from you in a while. And she was like, Well, you could pick up a phone. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Great.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:38

And I will say, like, I we live somewhat in the same community. Not actual like development, but you know, and around the area, and and we travel in similar circles, and I have seen her, and she tries to come up to me like things are normal and great, and like, hey, and I am so get the F away from me. Like, I have to give that vibe off. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I don't know. I don't know either.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

It's it's rough out there. Um, jealousy's a weird thing, man. It can I think it can be beneficial in some ways. Maybe if like we were trying to push ourselves, yeah. Um can spur us on. Can spur us on and maybe help us do some self-reflection. Um, but you gotta be careful.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

And if you're actually recognizing that you're jealous, yes. Because 'cause sometimes we don't really recognize that we're jealous. Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

Yeah. That that inner work and that recognition can go a long way.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Absolutely. And uh, if you're out there saying, I've never been jealous. You have. You have. You have. Yeah. You're jealous right now. I want a podcast that helps people.

SPEAKER_02 37:56

I'm jealous of Holly's living room. I'm jealous of this couch, dude. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

I love this couch. Thank you very much. Um, I am jealous of Haley's water bottle. I have been wanting to get one of those, but they're so worth it.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

They're expensive. They are expensive. It was a uh some event. She's pointing to it with her my big toe. Um it was like a gift to myself. A big event. I don't know what event it was, but I was like, this is my gift to myself. And I bought one from the Walmart, actually. Really? Yes. It's the Awala. Hey Awala, if you'd like to sponsor us.

SPEAKER_01 38:35

We're available. Hit us up.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Um it's my new favorite water bottle.

SPEAKER_01 38:38

I take it everywhere. I like that. It are they hard to clean though? No. Okay. Nope, not at all. Because that's my biggest, oh my gosh, I'm such a mom, right?

SPEAKER_02 38:47

But yeah, I'm like, is it hard to clean? No, it's not, because I'll show you this part, this like silicone part, comes out so easy. Okay. And it doesn't have a straw, right? It does, but it's attached on the bottom.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

Okay. So you can like slip it out of there. Yeah. Because I I would rather suck it up than chug it. Sip it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

Yeah, so this one you can like use it like a straw. Like because it's got the two.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

So, that's nice. I like that. Or you can like turn it up and chug it. See, that's why I like the Stanley because it has a straw.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

And it's well, this straw's internal. Okay, nice. So in that way it's it's very clean. Like there's not a lot of opportunity for germs to land in Vester on the the top there.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

So, see, look at that.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

Big fan. Thank you. Would recommend.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

I will ten out of ten, I'll put that on the list for Hayley to get me as a gift. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 39:55

It'll be an event. Yeah, an event. Well, y'all. We were vulnerable. We were vulnerable. I'm looking at Holly's green wall. Green Green Wall Jealousy here. It's called uh the green-eyed jealousy.

SPEAKER_01 40:13

Jealousy wall. Um it's called uh Sage Wisdom by Benjamin Moore. Um, feel free to look it up. It is beautiful. You know what? You can get Valspar at Lowe's. So Benjamin Moore is not at Lowe's, side note here. Um, but you can get the Val Spar, which is cheaper, it's the Lowe's brand, and they can mix up the exact color from Benjamin Moore. So they can do it with Sherwin Williams paints too. Um, so yeah. The more you know, the more you know, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

Yeah, I'm a big fan of this color.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Thank you. I love it too. It turned out really well. You know, you never know sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

I know. Well, like my office is like this, like the a shade darker. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

I've seen it, it's gorgeous.

SPEAKER_02 40:58

It was uh like an evergreen, not evergreen, like blue green. I don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 41:04

It is, it's kind of like a little darker, like blue-green. Yeah, but it is really beautiful. Yeah, yeah. This I was yeah, I'm just always nervous about well, let's see how it goes, and I think it turned out well. Yeah, it looks good. I did it in like two and a half hours. Heck yeah. So not too shabby. Not bad. I've got some areas where I need to do some retouching, and it's always hard when you do an accent wall because getting those sides well is so and I don't tape because tape makes it worse for me. Yeah. I don't know why, but it does. Um, but some dripped a little over here.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

You know, I have been looking at those the entire time I've been laying here. The drips, yeah. The drips, and it's fine. I mean, it's literally all you gotta do, you just gotta get the other paint color.

SPEAKER_01 41:46

I do, and I need to and literally it wasn't me messing up, it was dripping. Yeah, it was dripping from the brush. Yeah, that's what it'll do. Nab it. It happens. But yeah. Yeah. Well, y'all, we'll see you next week. Bring us more. Um, feel free to wait. We've got to tell them how to get a hold of it. Yeah, that's important. If you have a voice memo that you would like to send us with a question, we would love to hear it. Or if you would prefer to have an email sent to us and we can either read it or have someone else read it. We would love to hear it. You can do so by sending it to deep thoughts with h at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook at Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley, and of course our Instagram, Deep Thoughts with H. And that's all for this week, folks. That's it. We look forward to talking to you next week. Bye. Bye bye. Deep Thoughts is a production by Holly and Haley. Social media brought to you by Holly, podcast editing by Haley, visual design by Marquez. For sponsorship opportunities, please reach out to us via email, Deep Thoughts with H at gmail.com.