SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. This week's episode focuses on relationships after divorce. How to know if you're emotionally healed or just scared of getting hurt.

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Quick disclaimer, while we do have a background in mental health care, we are not your licensed mental health providers. If you're in need of professional mental health care, please reach out to a local office near you. If you're in crisis, please dial 911 or 988 for immediate assistance.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

I know. I was very excited. Look at us going international. So this is from Elena. Uh so she says, I am divorced and I'm trying to figure out um when considering entering a new relationship, how do you differentiate whether you're emotionally healed and you don't want to put up with shit or you're scared of being hurt?

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Well, um, so it kind of seems like you're kind of at that crossroad where you feel like, hey, yeah, I'm I'm ready to do the thing again, but it's terrifying.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah. Of course. Absolutely. Um, you know, I haven't been divorced, so yet. Yet.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

The hope is always out there for you, Haley.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

You know, it could still happen. No, it's not. It's gonna be it's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

This marriage is gonna be amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

I hope so.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Oh, it will be.

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Um, so I think I'm thinking about like past relationships that I've been in and relationships, situationships that never turned into relationships that really effed me up bad for a long time. I recall Holly was a part of one of them. She was not the relationship, but she was around for it. We weren't a threple. We were not a threple. She was around for it. I was around it. Um I'll go on a tangent forever about that. So anything you want to say before I jump into that?

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Nonsense. Okay, I think, you know, first of all, making sure that you have grieved your past relationship is gonna be really important. Yeah. So, you know, making sure, am I jumping into this feeling ready to, or am I doing it because I feel like I have to get over you know, a rebound? Yeah, are other people pressuring me to get back in there kind of thing? Or do I truly feel ready? So, first ask yourself that question. Am I ready? Yeah, absolutely. That's number one. Uh, let's hear about Haley because uh I'm I'm here for it. I was there for it.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Holly was there for it, was a part of it. I the the phone calls, the phone calls, the tears, the all the things, the texts. Um God, it's so embarrassing now to even think about it. But I think of like my mental state at that time.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

I think that you were vulnerable, and I think that And I was really young. You were young, and I think that he was um making it appear that he wanted to engage in a relationship. Yeah. And then I think he got scared.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah. Well, okay, so this was a someone I would consider a friend. Yeah. Um, that I'm sure does not listen to this podcast. Um, but if they do, you're about to learn a lot about my inner thoughts and feelings. Exactly. Um, so sorry. Um okay. It's fine. Yeah, it's all good. That's what this is for. Um, this is therapy for me right now. Okay. Um, yeah, so this was someone who I would have considered a really good friend, and things I know that he had just gotten out of like a two-year-long relationship. And very quickly after that, I started kind of getting the the signs, the kind of like and I remember like calling you at one point and being like, Do you think like have you noticed like just the way he's acting and like stuff like that? And you were like, Yeah. Um, so it was not just me.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

No, it wasn't it was not in your head in any way.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

So, and that's the thing that also made like okay, we'll get there, we'll get to that point. So, this was somebody who I really thought was like trying to develop a relationship. I was, I think, 21 at the time this was all happening. 22. 22. Was I 22? Wow. Because it was 2019. Yeah, I guess so, yeah. Um, so yeah, 21, 22, somewhere in there, and I had just gotten back from grad school. This was my first kind of enter into the professional world, meeting all these new people. Myself included, you know, Kali included, trying to figure out like what do I want. This was because I've always been the person that has put I put relationships on the back burner while I was going to school and getting things done. And I dated a guy in grad school for like a minute. We were at very different points in our lives. I was, I think, 20, 21, and he was 32. Oh, I think. Which, like, you know, I've always kind of dated older, not like in a creepy way, but like always been like dated older and been attracted to like older people. Can you change my dog? Yeah, she's like I hit up the nursing homes, my dating pool.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Nursing homes, honey, you hit up the morgues. Have you picked his pocket yet? No.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

Well, which is funny because my fiance and I are the same age. Isn't that our different points in our lives, like the guys within grad school, and very much knew that about each other. He ended up going on and marrying a good friend of mine. They're very happy together. Love that for them. Um, we thought we all still check in with each other. There's no love lost there. It's all good, all good things. Excellent. So I was kind of in this weird, like, I don't know what I want to do. I kind of want to figure out my professional life, but I also am kind of tired of waiting to get my shit together before I start dating again. And this person was kind of putting up some signs, and we started hanging out, just the two of us, and like going on like either getting a drink together or like even going to dinner or like going to some event together or whatever. And I was very much I think I was very immature in the dating arena at that point because I hadn't had a lot of practice in it, especially as like an adult quote unquote adult. Yeah. Um, and I think this person I don't know, I don't know what his intentions were, and I very much like wanted something to happen. Like I was like falling in love with this person, uh, whatever that looked like at my 22-year-old state. Um, like I really was like really falling for this person, and I would get like giddy when they would text and you know, I would like call Holly and talk about it and like text about it, and like was telling my friends, like I really like this guy. Um, but I was very insecure in myself of that, like I can't make the first move because I was so scared of rejection and of losing that friendship that I felt like we had built. Um, so I never said anything. Like I never was like took things, like had that conversation about taking things to another level, but neither did he. Yeah. Like he never said anything either. So then I was like, okay, well, you know, if he wanted to take this anywhere else, like he would say something.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

And I kept saying, somebody's gonna make the first move.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

A mutual friend of ours, like we were sitting at a bar together one night, and she was like, You just have to like make a move, like you're just gonna have to do it. And I was like, I I know that in my brain, but I can't. Um, like I was so terrified and so petrified. Fear causes paralysis, so much paralysis. I was so scared. And but I was I was like truly, like truly falling in love with this person, and like I don't think I've ever admitted that out loud.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Here's what I'm gonna say for for Haley in support of her, and it's okay that you say that because I did know that. Yeah. Um the world didn't, but I did. Um, is that this person was chill, cool, laid back, funny, yeah um, good with people, um, good with kids. Like there were so many elements about him, like really good with his hands, like could build anything, could make anything. Like there's so many aspects about him that was so likable and lovable, and you know, that you could easily fall for. And, you know, obviously I wasn't in a relationship with him, you know, and vice versa. But I mean, he was just one of those guys that would help you. Yeah. Or like, oh hey, you need me to grab this for you, or hey, you know what I mean? Like, he was just a chill guy who uh I I don't know, it's hard to explain, but I think that he gravitated to you because you were both some of us were older at the office, yeah. Um, and and you were both kind of younger and you both uh did similar jobs, yeah, and you sort of understood each other, and I think that that just created this really big connection, which in hindsight's probably more trauma-bonding.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

Oh a hundred percent. Absolutely. Um but I'll let you continue. Sorry. No, no, no, no, I think that's that's totally valid and very accurate. Um, but I would find myself like getting so upset when like this person either would cancel plans or not reach out, or and I always felt like I was doing a lot of the reaching out, and then I was like, okay, I gotta back off because I'm being too much. And you know, and then there was a time, a time period where we didn't work together anymore that we still kind of were connecting. Yeah. Um, and you know, then I was still very very hung up on this guy. And this, I think the idea of it. Um and 'cause he led you on. Yeah, yeah. Um very hung up on the idea. And then COVID hit, and we all shut down for like a year, and then we actually reconnected a little bit after COVID, and I had had a friend who had just died recently from cancer during COVID, so that was a really big kind of traumatic loss for me. So I was in a kind of vulnerable state from losing that friend. And we met up for like drinks or something, and we're chatting and all this stuff, and I was just talking about like you know, life is really short, and it almost got to the point where I said something, and then I chickened out and I didn't. And you know, we did the whole like, you know, the hug goodbye, like, okay, catch you later. Talked about making plans to do something else, made plans to do something. I show up to the place and texting, like, hey, are you here? They're not like I've totally stood up. Like, didn't show. Did I know this? I don't know if I ever told you this. I don't think I knew this. Like, and I don't think and I I'm almost like just knowing the person. Like, I'm not sure it was even intentional. Probably not. Like, I don't know if he even realized that that was like us making plans. Or maybe in my mind, I had made it out to be more than it was, which is totally possible, but didn't show, was in a completely different town, so not like could even come. And I was so upset, and I actually texted a mutual friend of ours and met her up at a bar and got really drunk with her. Um, I did not know this either. So it was a whole thing, and then Was it the one I'm thinking of? Yeah, yeah. Okay, and like two weeks later, I am just scrolling on Facebook and see he has a picture of himself with this girl, and she's gorgeous, and she's tall, and she's thin, and she has beautiful hair, and she looks incredible, and she's older, and she was older older, older than him, um, I think I don't know that for a fact. Probably, and definitely older than me. Yeah, and I was like, Oh my god, that makes so much sense. And I remember like I screenshotted it, like said it to her mutual friend, and I was like, makes sense now, and she's like, I'm so sorry. But and I was devastated, like I I've sat and cried in that bar with her, and the bartender was like, Who am I beating up? Like he was trying to go fight for me, and I was like, No, it's like it's probably my fault. Like, I probably read too much into it, and like it wasn't clear, and all this stuff, and like had this whole thing in my head and whatever. Um, but I was so like I was so messed up after that whole like that was like a two, three year like a thing that I was clearly way more invested in. Um but looking back on it now, I realize that was not the right person for me. Even if it had progressed into something else, it would not have progressed far. Um and I think going through that experience, like you know, our friend is saying here, made me put up so many walls when it came to relationships. I was like, I didn't date again until I was 20. 26. Yeah, probably in my like 20, like later 20s.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Because it probably brought out for you I'm not good enough, he I'm not worthy of love.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

I think I sat in your house, in your old house and cried to you about that.

SPEAKER_01 17:05

Like I I wasn't there, but I'm just gonna I sat in your old house, you weren't there.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

You were there, but I but like I remember like being so devastated about like I'm not good enough, clear like all the things that you go through. Like he was never into me. I've made all this up in my head. I feel like an idiot. I was never good enough, I was never pretty enough, I wasn't old enough, I wasn't this, I wasn't that. I had changed so many things about myself at that point in my life to try to fit uh into what he seemed to be interested in. And I was like, and it still wasn't enough. I bought hiking boots.

SPEAKER_01 17:54

That feels excessive. I've worn them once. I think you should sell them on Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 17:58

I probably should. They're actually really nice.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

Sell them.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

They're out in my I have to clean them because they've been sitting on my porch for a minute.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Well, clean them, sell them, and and this is another way of saying saying goodbye. Here's you know what I'll say about their relationship in f for him is that, and this is just my take on it, um, I really think that he did like you. I really think that he he wanted to move further. I think he was scared and he didn't know how. Um at the time we were all working together when it's kind of started. So I think that his concern was probably like, oh, we're working together, like I do have this attraction, but what if I mess things up? So kind of similar to what you were thinking, like, what if I screw this up? Oh my gosh, you know, this could mean we don't have a friendship anymore, this could ruin work, yeah, kind of thing. So that was probably initially, and then I think that he didn't realize that he was doing the stringing on thing because he's a flake. He's a flake, yeah, as kind as a person he's as he is, and that kind of thing, he is that guy who'd be like, Oh yeah, next Wednesday we should totally get together here at you know, Montana Mike's. I just made up a name. Um, and so you show up and crickets, because he had forgotten that he told you that. And he's that kind of person who needs a mommy. That's probably why he looks for older women, because he needs somebody who's that type A who's gonna send him a message and say, Are we still on for tomorrow at 9 p.m.? So then he goes, ding, oh yeah, tomorrow at 9 p.m. I have to be there because my mommy, I mean, my girlfriend is gonna meet me there. Yeah. That is the vibe that I get from him. I could be totally off, but that is is much more what I think. Where I think you need some stability, and he just didn't bring that.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Right. And I think that's that's really true. Um, and again, like this person, I still have like the utmost respect for this person as an individual. I think that is an incredible human being, yeah. But has so many skills, so many skills. Oh my god. But not was definitely not the person for me then, even, yeah, and definitely wouldn't be the person for me now. No, obviously I'm engaged to another man, um but right, who and like, but even like looking at, you know, my fiance now and this other person, and I've like dated a couple guys in between, you know, these are completely different. They're completely opposite individuals, like very different. My fiance now is very conscientious of time, very like concerned about your feelings, concerned about my feelings, checks in often like we're just very still chill, yeah, but very much like we're very much on the same level, yeah. Um, with what we want and expect. And our communication style is very similar, which is good. Um I think that's that's the biggest part with my fiance now is our communication style is very similar. Whereas with this other person, it was definitely not good at all.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Um and yeah, and like I dated a couple people in between that and and something to think about too is when you're you're getting back into that dating arena, imagine yourself with this person not just not just in in that way. I mean, that's something you have to think about too, because if you do and it makes you go, ooh, that feels awkward, right? Then probably shouldn't prove this. Or maybe just be friends. Um, or if if you think like Could you see yourself actually being married? Could you see this person being responsible, being the one who's gonna pick up the kids and get this done and get that done? If your answer is they're not gonna be an equal partner that I need, then maybe we don't pursue this. Um so I think having boundaries. Yeah. Having boundaries is gonna be super important.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

And just knowing what I think going into it with knowing what you expect from a partner. You know, that experience that I had very early in my adulthood really showed me what what I want in a partner and what I don't want in a partner. Yeah. Um, and you know, and that relationship never progressed to the point where anything was labeled, it never progressed to anything that was romantic, but it still was a situationship that really messed me up for several years. I mean, there were several years where I still kind of held on to this idea of what if, you know.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

And it didn't help that on those occasions that you would meet up, it made you feel like, okay, this totally could, because uh, you feel that energy.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

And I think that that's really crappy because I am sure that person felt the mutual energy too and should have said in this moment, hey, listen, you know, love you like a friend, um, I'm I've started dating, at least brought that up something to to kind of help you know, like, yes, it would have hurt, but also to hear it from his mouth. Like, oh, I'm seeing somebody, you know.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Well, and the crazy thing was, back to that situation, after I had sent the text of like, hey, I'm at this place, are you here? Like, are you coming? They sent the text back, No, I'm in this town. I never responded again, and I never heard another word from that person. So you haven't talked to that person since. Wow. I did run into them shockingly at like three jobs later. Um, they were working a different job, and we ran into each other actually on my birthday, and I was in the middle of like a crisis with a child and also myself. Like, I had been like bawling my eyes out in my principal's office that I was working for about like a personal situation that was happening. Um, and so I'm sitting there like and then trying to get this kid through a crisis, and then lo and behold, there he is. And I'm like, Are you kidding me? I was like, what is happening right now? I was so taken aback. And then there was a text afterwards. It was like, hey, it was great to see you, hope you're doing well, that kind of thing. And I was like, Yeah, you too. Hope you're great. Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Hope you and your new woman are having a great time together.

SPEAKER_00 25:05

Um, yeah, I mean, kind of at that point I had kind of let go of some of the bitterness there. Um and but even like that kind of followed me into some other relationships where I would like there was a guy I had seen once or twice, he totally ghosted me. And I remember thinking, like, well, this is just how my this is how relationships work. This is just like I'm not good enough.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

Yep to have one. I deserve to be treated this way, yeah. Um and I think that that kind of goes back to us talking about taking time to reflect on your previous relationships and really looking at okay, where in this relationship can I take some responsibility for maybe some of the things that I could work on? But also, what are the things, like you said, I don't want and that weren't working well in that past relationship? I mean, like, Lena, like Elena, Elena, I'm so sorry, I called you Lena. Elena, what caused you guys to get divorced? Like, what is it in the relationship that wasn't working that ended it for you that you know you likely feel like, hey, I don't want from these other relationships? Even I would say it's it's so simple, but make a list of these things and make a list of the things that you want, you need, that make you feel good about yourself, that make you feel like you have an equal partner. Um, and so kind of putting it out there is gonna be the thing that's gonna be helpful in drawing you to that person. Yeah. Um, and unfortunately, sometimes we have to kiss frogs to find a prince. Yeah. Um, but it really also makes you so grateful when you look at a person who's right for you of like, oh my gosh, yeah, it sucks. It had to take me through this to find you, but I'm so grateful that I have you.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

God bless the broken road that led me straight to you.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

It's a great country song.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

That was a uh, so it's Rascal Flats, but many of my college friends who got married in 2004, uh, that was the song that they played at their wedding.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

Weddings.

SPEAKER_00 27:24

That has not made it onto my wedding playlist, I will tell you.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Really? Really? I can do it a cappella if you want at the wedding.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

Great, that'd be wonderful. I would love for you to do that.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

I set out on a narrow road. Beautiful many years ago. Okay. That was great.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Nailed it. Absolutely. Yeah, um, you know, these uh these early relationships in our lives are such fun times to look back on.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Well, and they can they truly do wound you, and they have the ability to make you put your guard up and not want to take any chances, and I totally get that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

And I will say, you know, there was so much like not even fault, but like things that I could have done differently. Like, I could have been so much more communicative and clear about what I thought was happening and gotten clarification. I was probably, I mean, I was 22, I was very immature in the dating world. You know, I'd been so far ahead in everything else in my life, education-wise, career-wise, that I was a a baby deer, a baby giraffe in the dating world at that point in time, and I was just shocked that somebody had shown interest in me, or what I thought was interest in me, and I latched onto that and had this really incredible, wonderful story in my head that um clearly wasn't reality. And letting go of that was very hard and very traumatic, and you know, I spent a lot of tears and you know, that kind of thing, and it's not that person's fault. Um, and you know, that individual was going through, I'm sure, their own things.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

And I truly think that person has no idea the impact.

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Absolutely not, and I know that that, and I know well enough, like know that person well enough. I truly believe that anything that happened or didn't happen was never from a point of malice. Never like was never intentional, which I can say I'm very lucky in that because so many people have those experiences where it is very like toxic and abusive. And that was not this at all. No, it was just very much no communication or lim like and not being honest, yeah, I think with each other, and there was a lot of missed opportunity and missed signals and missed whatever. Um, but there is a reason it didn't work out, and I'm glad. Because God blessed the broken road. Because God bless the broken road.

SPEAKER_01 30:28

That led me straight to you, not me. But right, but you know led him straight to you. Yeah. Oh god, it's gonna be beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

Yeah. But well like I said, it's uh, you know, take what you've what good what was good and what was bad about that previous relationship or situationship or friendship or whatever into the next you're always gonna have a lot of baggage, you just are, you know, when you've had relationships and you've had these experiences, you're gonna carry with you bags into the next relationship because that's just what we do.

SPEAKER_01 31:05

But I would caution you unpack your bags a little before you start because they come with bags too. Absolutely. So you're also not only are you carrying your own, but you're also trying to help support the weight of this other bag. Yeah. And vice versa. So, and you don't want your new partner to constantly be challenged by the issues in your old relationship.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

You know, with you saying things like, Well, I knew you would be late, and they're like, Oh, I'm sorry, I, you know, my car broke down. And because you're like, I knew you'd be late because my ex was late at the end. Stand me up and, you know, let me down all the time, and so I just assumed that you would because that's what we think, because we're scarred. So I think, you know, being really honest and saying to yourself, like Haley has now, this individual is completely different. This individual is not the same. Yes, they are both men, but that is about as far as it goes. Like they are they are very different, and so you have to recognize that. I will say, I have a hard time with um, so the people that I'm attracted to tend not to be attracted to me. And ones who are attracted to me, I either don't notice at all or I'm not at all attracted to. So I am I I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

I'm hopeless.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

Um no, you're not hopeless.

SPEAKER_01 32:40

Sleepless in Seattle.

SPEAKER_00 32:42

The right person's out there.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Tired in Asheville.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

You just have to find them. I don't know what to say. I'm just gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:50

Wow, that was not motivational at all.

SPEAKER_00 32:55

Well, because like I mean, I was not looking for my fiance when I found him. You were looking for love in all the wrong places. I truly was.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Um That's another great song.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

Actually, I had been doing a lot of like soul searching, and I was like, you know what? I'm pressing pause. I'm not even gonna consider dating. You said you were even gonna switch to the other team. I did. I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll date women. Um do feel as though you do have to like vaginas. Same. And I don't. They're kind of ugly. They are they're not great. No. So I'm like, you know, I don't think that's gonna go very far for me. Um, it will not be a um, it wouldn't have been a physical relationship by any means. Um, which I feel like is, you know, it's probably pretty important. Probably pretty important to some people. Um so I was like, well, to yeah, and I, you know, unfortunately don't like vaginas.

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Well, that's a real bummer.

SPEAKER_00 34:03

Yeah, it was a you know put a real big X on that. You know, it really did. I was like, you know, maybe I could. And then the more I thought about it, the more I was like, I am not attracted to that body part at all. In any way, shape, or form. No. So I feel like that was a big that was that was a no. That was a song for me. Um and then, you know, he disappeared, and uh we've been together ever since.

SPEAKER_01 34:30

How wonderful. Yeah, yeah. And it took a hurricane for him to move right in.

SPEAKER_00 34:35

It sure did. He moved in unintentionally and never left during a hurricane, and I can't get him out of my house now.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Um don't want to.

SPEAKER_00 34:44

No, he does pay rent, which is nice. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

So I did tell Haley as a side note, um, we were talking about her engagement photos, and I said, Here's what would be funny. If I decided to marry someone significantly older, and we did pictures of me and him, like engagement photos, of me literally being a gold digger. So, like the pictures, you know how how engagement pictures can be weird sometimes. You're like, stand here and stand there, and it looks kind of awkward. So, you know those ones where you're standing next to each other, but it's like a back shot, and each person has their hand in the back pocket of the other?

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

So grandpa's got his hand in my back pocket, and I've got my hand, and I'm slowly pulling his wallet up. I love that. Great idea. Nailed it. The other one is him lying down and me next to him, um, you know, slowly turning the machine off. Love that. Or me and a lawyer next to him, and we're smiling, and he's signing.

unknown 35:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:55

So if you ever marry an older man and that man dies, uh-huh. They're gonna come back to this episode of this podcast. Probably. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 36:04

I you know what though, I actually don't know why I think this, because you know, my whole life it's like older men, you know, not older, not like that, but you know, a little older than me. Um, but I really think that uh my next time around is younger. Younger? Yeah. Okay. I think he's younger. Not significantly. I mean, maybe I would say seven years or less, you know, five to seven years, something like that. Uh, but yeah, that's what that's what I think. I think that uh women outlive men. So it's true. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:38

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 36:39

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 36:40

Yeah, I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

So if you know anybody, hit me up. Um but Elena, I think that kind of summing everything up here. Yeah, you're you're gonna be scared of being hurt because you've been hurt before. Absolutely. You're gonna bring a lot of baggage in with you. But start first and say, have I healed from this relationship enough to commit to another? Can I differentiate between him and them? And what kind of bags am I carrying? And am I ready to have this new partner take on some of my baggage? Because they're going to, just as you are too, and it's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

And if you're not interested in men anymore, think about if you like vaginas.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Exactly. Because maybe you do. Maybe you maybe that's your.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Or maybe you were we you didn't explicitly say maybe you were married to a woman. Oh, that's true. Maybe you now like penises. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

Maybe, you know. Yeah. First was a taco and now is a hot dog. Maybe. Yes? That makes sense. A wiener, yeah. Yeah. Oh. Big wiener.

unknown 37:54

Extra long.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Oh my god. Um, you know, maybe think about that too.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

Oh my god. Okay. Is it kosher? Oops.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

No.

SPEAKER_01 38:13

Hebrew Nationals. Delicious. All beef, baby.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

I will say, just to end this out on a funny note, um, I did go on. I think that's funny. I did go on a date one time that was so bad. Oh. That I we were going to the second location. Like we'd had dinner and then we were gonna go get a drink.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

You ditched him.

SPEAKER_00 38:32

No, I was in the car and I don't did I call you? I may have called you. Probably. And I was like, SOS, I don't know what to do. I think I have to tell this man that I'm a lesbian. That all of a sudden I now date women. That I now just like women. Absolutely. And then I was like, that's what I'm gonna have to do. Um yeah, I did fake an emergency to get out of that situation.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

I did too. Yeah. Uh it was so bad. I had one where I had um someone call me and say, Oh my gosh, you've gotta come immediately. Something happens, and I totally ditched him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown 39:16

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

You know, been like He paid for dinner all the night. Yeah. Oh, heck yeah, I ain't paying for no dinner. You taking me out on a date. You're paying for it, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 39:26

You're opening doors for me, you're doing all the nice things.

SPEAKER_00 39:29

Well, we'll end it there.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

I mean, really, Elena, we've given you big wieners. We've talked about tacos, uh, vaginas, you know. All the things. All the things. You have a plethora of options ahead of them. So many things. You could do maybe a mix of both. Maybe. We don't know. Maybe a thruple is for you. Yes. And you don't have to choose. Exactly. You can have both. And you could have, you know, maybe the woman could give you a lot more. Um, it could be two men. Could be. We don't know. A little Elena sandwich. Whoop. This episode's getting a little spicy. No, but you know, you could have your female for the umed really really weird. Female, come over here now. You could have the female for your like companionship and that kind of thing. And you could have the male for the you know what I'm saying? You get what I'm throwing down.

SPEAKER_00 40:38

So you don't have to talk to him. He just appears when you want to have sex. Correct.

SPEAKER_01 40:44

And when you want stuff done, you call the female for so you know, when you have an errand or you have things that you need done, you're like, female, you need like a date plan. Exactly. She comes over, yes, yes, mistress. And then you have you have the male that, you know, when you're, you know, you know what I'm saying, you just say, male, come here, strip now. Oh my god. And but I mean, obviously, he's he's game for it as well. Always this is consensual, a hundred percent. But he is like, yes, I am ready. Erect and eject. No.

SPEAKER_00 41:30

No. No. No. I'm saying no to this scenario. Why? Please don't put this on Elena. This is Holly's dream scenario. No, it's not think about it. I mean, it's not bad. Not bad.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

Elena.

SPEAKER_00 41:59

I like it. Yeah. I like this a lot. See, listen, maybe you can get with Elena and you just find um another man.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

True. Now, Elena, I do want to be very clear. As much as I will love you as a sister, I won't have a physical relationship with you because I like the penis. So that, sorry, you're gonna need to like step out. Um, but you know, hey, if we need to plan a birthday party, if we need to organize a schedule, girlfriend, you're my boo. You're my female. Female! Female Elena! And then, you know, I can say, male, get over here. Oh my god. We have to end this. Sit here now. Get lay here now. Whatever you want him to do.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 42:50

He would be happy with whatever.

unknown 42:53

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 42:56

Wanna place him in the bottle? I have to leave. I didn't ask you to be my errand female. I don't know why I suggested through. This is my fault. Everything is her fault. We could go back to when we talked about the cults. Oh my god. Goodbye, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

Top of the morning, Toya. Have a great night.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

See you next week.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

Good luck. Deep Thoughts is a production by Holly and Haley. Social media brought to you by Holly. Podcast editing by Haley. Visual design by Marquez. For sponsorship opportunities, please reach out to us via email, deep thoughts with h at gmail.com.