Purpose After Retirement

Join us this week as we discuss purpose after retirement.  How do you find joy and meaning when the work is done?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. This week's episode focuses on how to feel productive after retirement.

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Quick disclaimer: while we do have a background in mental health care, we are not your licensed mental health providers. If you are in need of professional mental health care, please reach out to a local office near you. If you're in crisis, please dial 911 or 988 for immediate assistance.

SPEAKER_00 0:57

I'm kind of struggling to feel productive someday. So any help?

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Hi, Julie. Hello. Thank you so much for reaching out. That's a great question.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

That's a really good question.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

I honestly I kind of think, you know, you have to what do you define as like being productive? What do you define as like because if you're used to feeling like I've got to get things done, I gotta check things off a list, and then suddenly there's no kids to take, there's no work to do, you know, outside the home. Right. That's gotta feel like a huge loss.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Well, and I also feel very unqualified to answer this question. Um not retired or No, I wish I was, but I'm not there.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

I've got you know 20 good years. Yeah. 25 years maybe. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yeah. Well, and I think um Yeah, I think like the closest thing that maybe you're experiencing is like your kid growing up a little bit. Like maybe not needing as much like direct care. Yeah, you know.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

I told Haley today I was able to go to the nail salon and I took him with me, which I've never done. Um, and he was amazing, he was so good. And like now we're in this new chapter where he can like go places and be good. Yeah. Not just like bouncing off the walls and can we go? I hate this. Yeah. He wanted his nails painted. Nice. I would have done it too. And then he was like, mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 2:34

Actually, never mind. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, I think, yeah, like you said, with productivity, like what do you view as productive? Um, I think figuring that out first. Um, but like I know my the my department chair for my program that I teach in um is getting ready to retire. She's got maybe a year left. I'm trying to talk her into at least two more years. Oh my god. Please stay. Um and then, you know, she'll but she's she's talked about like how you know she's she knows she's ready to retire. Like she's starting to feel a little bit burnt out. Yeah. Um it was it you coming that made it worse? Yeah, I was the problem. I thought so. Um, I mean, I think, you know, kind of knowing that that chapter of your life is is coming to a close, like having done it for so long. Um, like this is year 30 for her in like the same role, or not like the exact same role, but like in teaching, which is pretty wild at the you know, college level. Um so she's you know, she's like I can tell and I can tell she's ready for like the next chapter of her life, like what that looks like. Um so she's talked about like her husband's retired already, like he wants to travel. Um they've talked about you know traveling to New Zealand and Oh my gosh, all this like traveling. Yeah, like travel, travel, because it's hard when you're working, you know, when you're working full-time and have other responsibilities, especially if you've had kids and you know, but if they're grown and out in the world.

SPEAKER_02 4:17

Absolutely. So I think, you know, and I know me, because even when let's say I do a staycation, yeah, I tend to do a lot of like I'll take PTO while my son's in school. That sounds terrible, but it's it's largely because you know, I am never able to get things done around my house because I'm working, I'm being a mom, I I'm doing both, you know, it's just really hard. So, like if I take PTO, I can do things around my house while my son's at school, and then I can pick him up and we can have like an early afternoon together. Like it's really that kind of thing, which is great. Um, and I look forward to it because I give myself a list of things I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna paint his room, I'm gonna go and do this, I'm gonna go do that, and and all the things that I never kind of get to do. Um, and I do think like retirement, you must think initially, like, yeah, I'm gonna do all those things, you know, my laundry's gonna be always done and all these things. But what happens when the laundry's just done? And what happens when the task is accomplished? Do you find more tasks for yourself? Do you keep yourself busy, or are you that person sitting there twiddling your thumbs, going, This is really boring?

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah. Well, and I think too, like I found that, you know, working in education for the past, you know, several years and not working over the summer. Um, I found like the first few weeks that I'm off in the summer where I'm not going to work every day, I'm like, this is incredible. I can't wait for this to be my whole life. By the end of summer, I'm like, please, God, give me a routine. Yeah. Like, give me some structure. I need something to do that is like consistent and I'm on a regular schedule. Um, so I think if you are that kind of person, maybe finding something like a volunteer opportunity, or you know, and a lot of people end up actually picking up like a part-time something just to have something like that to do. Maybe it's something that you've always thought you wanted to do. Like, um, I've said in retirement, I want to like shelve books at the library. Like, I want to do something where I don't have to think about it, but it's still something that could be like kind of fun. I love a menial task. I love a repetitive task. I have a lot of things you could do around this house. Um, but yeah, I think that kind of thing, or like, are you passionate about like volunteering? Like, is there an organization you could be a part of? Um, do you have a skill set that you have not gotten to explore or do could you take a class, like and some sort of art class, or cake baking, or creative writing, or like whatever you're into?

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Judo.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Yeah. Like adult dance classes. Like, is there some sort of something like that that you've always wanted to do that you've not had time to do before?

SPEAKER_02 7:34

Even those like, you know, equestrian, like learning how to be a ride a horse. Yeah, you know, maybe you find a passion for that. I mean, yeah, and that's very therapeutic.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

Yeah, I think just figuring out, like really tapping into what are your passions, like what do you really enjoy doing, and then like actually now you have the time to do that. Exactly. Um, if you're lucky enough to be able to be fully retired without needing a an income.

SPEAKER_02 8:00

I also like the idea of creating a routine for yourself daily. So, you know, like typically we have the routine of, you know, you get up, you get dressed, you go to work, you know, you kind of have that, you know, that that thing, you're that sort of time frame that you have. So set a time for yourself every day. Like, okay, um, you know, yes, you can sleep in, you're retired, but nine o'clock, I'm gonna get up every single day. And here's what I can say about myself I'm a morning person. And if I were to sleep in until 9 a.m., which in theory sounds amazing, but number one, I'd have a headache. And number two, I feel like the day's gone by already and I haven't done anything. Yeah, I don't feel accomplished. So if you're a get up at 7 a.m., get up at 7 a.m., have some coffee, you know, have a leisurely breakfast, go brush your teeth, go for a walk. You know, give yourself things to do during the day and give yourself some kind of task that makes you feel fulfilled. Yeah. So whether it's volunteering, maybe it's helping a friend, they say, hey, listen, I've gotta, you know, paint my grandson's bedroom. Can you help me? Sure, you know. Um, just something like that. Go out to lunch with a friend, yeah. Um, have coffee.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

I think anything that you can schedule consistently is gonna be good. But then also like don't overcommit yourself. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 9:26

Because you are retired, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Like have downtime. Yeah, like enjoy that time for yourself, like if you can.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

And even your windown time. So, you know, allowing yourself like, okay, I'm gonna watch, you know, some TV, I'm gonna watch a movie, um, you know, I'm gonna put on my jammies and watch TV and then slowly get ready for bed, just whatever feels best in your routine because I think that's gonna help you. We're we thrive on routine as humans. I mean, I really think we do.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah, definitely having that, you know, and if you're physically able to do like things around the house or like the yard work or whatever. Like my grandmother's 81. Yeah, she's 81, we'll be 82 this year. Yeah. Um, she still mows her own yard, she weed eats, she pulls weed, she unfortunately gets on a ladder and cleans out our gutters. Um, we tell her to please call one of us to at least supervise this activity. Um, like the other day, she um sh my brother went and or called her and she came over to our house and cleaned out our gutters.

unknown 10:40

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

For fun. Like she enjoys it. It's something that she's like, yeah, get me up there on that ladder, but clean out them gutters. Um, so she was up there with, you know, obviously my brother like holding the ladder and like making sure she didn't plummet. Um, and he wouldn't let her do the back side of her house because it's a lot higher. Yes. Um, so he did the back side of the house. Why? But yeah, she was like, I'm doing it. Um but yeah, just little things like that where you have the ability to do them. Um, and I would say definitely move your body. I agree. Like don't get stagnant. 100%. I think that's why my grandmother at 80, almost 82, is probably in better shape than I am because she like never stops moving. Yeah. Like she walks every day, she does all this her own housework and everything else, and like does activities to try to keep her mind sharp. She does puzzles, she does like has puzzled books. I wish she were a little bit more social.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Um, but but that's just not her. That's okay. But she goes to church every Sunday. Absolutely that's part of her routine, like her weekly routine. Um her half-brother calls her um every night at 6 30 p.m. I love it. They talk every night at 6 30. And you know, my mom and I go visit her, you know, we're there pretty much every night.

SPEAKER_02 12:13

And I tell you, no one is a better, you know, baby whisperer. Whisperer than your grandmother. Yeah, truly. She's truly one of a kind. She is, she is. She's she grabs that baby, and let me tell you, he was like asleep. Yeah. Oh, I was like, oh, she's rocking. Yeah. And he's like, Ow. Yeah. I know. She is the baby whisperer. She does. You know, you know, my grandmother um retired, oh my gosh, probably 30 years ago at this point. And she still washes her dishes by hand. She doesn't live on her own anymore. She's, you know, in her 90s, and um she has terminal cancer, so that's that's rough. But um, it doesn't matter. She is the toughest old bird. I we always say that because she's up washing her dishes, and we're like, no, no, no, you don't have to worry. Oh, stop, I'm gonna wash my dishes. Like she just, you know, there's no talking to her, but that stubbornness has been the thing that has kept her alive. Yeah, you know, and I want to be like that. Like I feel like I'm the same kind of person. Um, but I think you have to also watch out for like again, like if you're physically able to. Yeah. Um, but even if you're not physically able, continuing to keep your mind going, just like Haley said, doing puzzles, talking with friends, you know, being social in some capacity to try and you know, it because it can't just be you in the TV all day. Like that's that's you've gotta keep some connection.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

Yeah. Well, and I think that as you as we age, that can be really hard too. I think like for newly retired people, you know, it's maybe not as much of a challenge. Right. But as we age, like, you know, when your friends start dying, like it gets real sad.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Well, and at this point, my grandmother doesn't want to leave the house largely because it's physically too hard for her. Yeah. It's it's a huge thing. But also she said, and and you know, we didn't take it in offense, but she said, I don't want to talk to anybody. Yeah, like I don't want to be, you know, and she was very social. Like when my grandfather died, um, my grandfather died at 50, and she was 52. Wow. She went out and she was a social butterfly and she was doing things with her church, and she was always, you know, out and about and you know, living her best life, and she did that for about 15, 20 years. Um, and then just now she's at the point where she's like, I don't want to talk to anybody. Yeah. I don't want, you know, I just want to be old and sit here and look at my iPad. You know, and that's what she does. Yeah. And that's okay. Um, but you know, exercise, keeping a fitness log, reading books, you know, um photos, you know, tracking like things in a journal, like daily wins. Like, oh my gosh, today I got to see Haley. That's always a win. Is it?

unknown 15:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Wow, you just did a very stunning thing with your leg. Just a nice little kick point. Yes, toe point. That was very exciting. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

You're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 15:21

Wow. Um stay motivated. Stay motivated. Get a pet.

unknown 15:26

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:27

There you go. Yeah. Um you know, teamwork makes the dream work. So find somebody who's also interested in something similar. Yeah. And then there you go. You can form a friendship. Maybe you're part of a walk-in club in your neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01 15:40

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah. I think it's a it can be a really um overwhelming idea. Um or like a really overwhelming time because there are just so many options of things, but also, you know, you have to look at finances and you know, making sure that you're good. I mean, it's it's hard to live off of retirement. Retirement and that fixed income if you haven't had like other things put back. Um But I think, yeah, I mean, my dad retired for a day. I think a day. About a week. Okay, yeah. So two, maybe two weeks. Um, and then he went back to work. Um, he was part-time at a local fire department, and then he also picked up uh he worked stocking the dairy section at Ingalls, which is a local grocery store. He uh I think hated that. Um I mean I think he was fine. He would have done it for a while, but then he was like, nah, I'm good. Um so he ended up picking up like another day at the fire department or something.

SPEAKER_02 16:54

He also for a short time worked at like a tractor supply place, didn't he?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I think he applied at the tractor supply. Oh, I think that's a good thing. Not that they ever called him both.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Oh, okay. That's a real bummer. Yeah. He'd have been a good worker, he'd have been great. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

No, um, I think that was probably a good move for him uh to not and be in put like any kind of customer service situation. Um no, but he's you know, he's still using his paramedic um skills, and he works for um a much smaller department than he was. So it's a lot less calls, a lot less um stuff, and he's you know, he tells me he's like, Yeah, if we have to hike into the woods to go get somebody, I ain't doing that. He's like, I send the young folks out to do it. Exactly. He's like, I wouldn't have done that. Yeah, he's like, I'll be in the truck when they get back. I do not blame him. Yeah, like they're able to render whatever aid they need, and then he's ready, like in the truck for the stuff.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

I and and I kind of feel like like when you get to that point where like, hey, I've done it, I've been there, I've done all this yucky mucky stuff. There's a piece of I've earned this ability to kind of sit back a little. Like, I'm still being productive, I'm still part of the team and helping, but also I did that shit. Yeah, like I'm good now. You don't have to do that anymore.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Yeah, yeah. He's kind of stepped into this like mentoring like father role for these young medics and firefighters that are coming up, and you know, he kind of gets to kind of be like dad. I think what will trigger his like full retirement is when uh whenever I have a baby. That he'll take care of the baby. I think so, yeah. That'd be great. I think he will that will trigger him either going down to maybe one or two days a week, which I think is what he's supposed to be doing now. In theory. In theory, but he picks up a lot because he enjoys it and he likes the people out there, and it's not as strenuous um and intense of a position that he was in before.

SPEAKER_02 19:09

Here's the thing I had a baby, he didn't stay home for my baby, he didn't retire for my baby.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

He didn't retire for your baby. Yeah. No, he was still full-time. He was in like a really busy district in during COVID. During COVID, yeah.

unknown 19:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

When you had a baby. Yeah. That's not right. No. I mean Oh, but for you for me, for his daughter.

SPEAKER_02 19:32

For his daughter, not his daughter's friend slash podcast host. How rude. Who lives an hour away. I know.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

Come on, Larry. There are several pictures of him holding your son though.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

So there is one, uh so many cute pictures of the two of them together, but there is one there actually, there's two. There's one with it was around Halloween, and my son was um a couple months old, and they're sitting there together, and my son's wearing a skeleton outfit. He's so cute. He's sleeping next to him. And then the other one is your mother had gotten him this shirt, and it's like a flannel striped shirt, and your dad has the same one. And so we did the side-by-side pictures of them, and they're like twins. It's so cute. It's his Larry shirt. It's his Larry shirt, that's right. That um, you know, was like an 18-month shirt. Yeah, oh my gosh, now he's six. Oh but I know it's crazy, but yeah. So crazy. Yeah, he's very good with kiddos, your mom too.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

So yeah, I think that's gonna be definitely the trigger of her. No. She's still got plenty of time. Yeah, I think though she will not pick up as many shifts. Yes. Because she does pick up some shifts and works over, and um, but her position is changing a little bit too. Okay. So but yeah, we'll talk more about that.

SPEAKER_02 20:56

Sounds good. But yeah. But yeah, um, Julie, thank you so much. By the way, Julie, you have a beautiful voice. Yeah. You should be uh podcast. I know. I was like, my gosh, you have a gorgeous voice. So you should be on a podcast for sure. Anyway, thank you for that question. Um, you know, I hope you're finding things to do in retirement to keep you busy. Um, if anything, radio, podcasting, singing. I don't know if you're a singer, but you got a gorgeous voice.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

I think, yeah, definitely just keep your mind and body as active as possible.

SPEAKER_02 21:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Um, but then also like chill. Chill, rest, like exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:39

It's your time. Yeah. So well, thank you so much. Um, for those of you who want to send us your questions, send us your voice memos, please do. We would love to hear them. You can send them to deep thoughts with h at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook at Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. You can find us on Instagram at Deep thoughts with H H. Yeah. Haley, do you have shout-out?

SPEAKER_01 22:04

We don't do that on this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

I'm gonna shout out Julie. Julie! Because I can't remember crap. Listen, I don't know. We've got so many podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

I mean, there is only two.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

That's a lot. Listen, my head's going to explode. Yeah. Yeah. Just imagine all the podcasts I'll have in retirement. Whoa, so many. Yeah. I'll call it keeping up with my teeth. Because I'll have a hard time keeping up with my teeth. Yeah.

unknown 22:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

It's gonna be great.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Oh my god, I can't wait. Her teeth! I can imagine you calling me. Like, hey, do you remember where to put my teeth? Hey, when you were here last night, where to put my teeth?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Not a clip. Damn my taily. Oh no, but we've we've worked out that you'll probably be dead at that point.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Yeah, probably. Yeah.

unknown 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:59

Absolutely. Not not because anything horrific has happened to her.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

No, I will actually natural. Just it'll be natural. Yeah, it's just in the Walmart. Just kind of collapse. My body's gonna give out. About round 40. I mean, I'd like to make it. That's like 10 years from now. I just turned 29. Okay. Yeah. 60, maybe?

SPEAKER_02 23:22

That feels 70? Can we push it to 70? Let's say 55. That's tough.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

That's tough.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

But that would allow you, like, let's say you have a baby at 30. That would allow you to get them to adulthood. True. Maybe see a grandchild. Maybe. But then you could perish. Then I could perish. Okay. Yeah. If you're 55, I'll be almost 70. Yeah. So, yeah. It's true. We're my trees. Keeping up with my trees.

unknown 23:57

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

What a great show that would be. That would be wild. Hi, I'm Holly. And I'm Haley. We're Matrice. It'll be great. I love it. Oh my God. Oh God, we gotta go. All right. Well, thank you so much for listening, and we'll catch you next time. Bye.

unknown 24:14

Bye.

SPEAKER_02 24:16

Deep Thoughts is a production by Holly and Haley. Social media brought to you by Holly. Podcast editing by Haley. Visual design by Marquez. For sponsorship opportunities, please reach out to us via email, Deep Thoughts with H at gmail.com.