Coping with Dissapointment

This week we discuss coping with disappointment.  What do you do when things don't go your way even after you have done everything possible? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. This week we're talking about coping with disappointment.

SPEAKER_01 0:07

A disclaimer, while we do have a background in mental health care, we are not your licensed mental health providers. If you're in need of professional mental health care, please reach out to a local office near you. If you're in crisis, please dial 911 or 988 for immediate assistance. So this is um Alex from Tennessee. She writes in and says, our question is, what do you do to help yourself cope when things don't go your way, even when you feel like you're doing everything within your control? Both a disappointment and or coping with something not being in your control.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Also think uh you gotta look at like I think some of it falls into personality. Like, are you a type A person who like needs you know, like gotta kind of fall like da da da kind of thing? Um are you one of those people who are like huh, out of my control, let go, let god, you know? Right. I I think that that's a huge piece of it because I'm gonna be honest, I'm type A. Yeah. I want things to go my way, and I often get frustrated about like, oh man, why did that not go my way?

SPEAKER_01 1:50

That sucks. I think I was that way for a really long time, and I have more recently become a I don't know, like and everything happens for a reason. I kind of personally and like if it'll be, it'll be.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Okay, sir, sir.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Yeah. That's kind of been my mentality and my attitude for a while now. Um and I think that comes with like things have historically worked out for me. So I mean, I I've had disappointments and I've had, you know, stuff would not go my way before. But I think and maybe it's because I have that mentality of like if it's meant to be, it's gonna be. I agree. That's I kind of put that into the universe. Um so like with the job that I currently have, I wasn't looking for the job when it kind of found me. Yeah. Um, and I applied, not really sure if I even wanted it, and was more on the impression of, well, let me do the interview, get the experience. If they don't hire me, that was a really good interview experience because it's like interviewing at that level, like in academia, is very different than any other type of interview I'd ever done before, because you have to do like you meet with so many different people on so many different levels, you have to do a teaching demo, like you have to do all this stuff. Wow. Um, that was really like felt really big and scary. Yes. Um and you meet with this committee, like there's a search committee, like they're bringing you in, like it's a whole thing. And so I was like, well, this will at least be So you didn't do it with a hangover over Zoom like you did for the one. Yeah, that's correct. Yeah, no, no, no. Um no, I but I also like you know, I knew a lot of the people. This was my alma mater. Yeah. So like I knew a lot of these people, so it was really like it was a fun day for me, like kind of getting to see people and catch up and being like, oh my god, like I knew like yeah, that sort of thing. Um, but I also think it made I don't know if it made them more tough on me in my like teaching demo. Maybe but they knew they could be. Yeah. So it was fine. But I also like it was one of those I really didn't expect to get it. And then I did. And I don't know, I think I'm so I have such imposter syndrome. And you don't want to let people down. And I don't want to let people down that I never expect that I'm gonna get anything. Yeah, me neither. So I think that helps with the disappointment part because it's like, oh well, I knew I wasn't good enough for that. Yeah. So obviously I'm not like that makes sense why I didn't get that. Because obviously I'm not good enough for it. Right. And that's that like imposter syndrome self-doubt. Right. So I think more confident people have harder times.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

I think so too. I think so too. Yeah. Um, and also recognizing something that I have learned is okay, so that door closed to me. Yeah. It closed because, and I have to think about it this way, it wasn't where I was supposed to be.

SPEAKER_02 5:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:24

It wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. Maybe it was really bad. It would maybe it would have been really toxic and I avoided it. Like so many times, you know, over the years, there have been jobs that maybe I've applied for and I'm like, oh, I didn't get that, or or it didn't work out. And then I find out, oh my gosh, thank God you didn't, because that was really toxic. Yeah. Or other people have told me, like, oh yeah, I had to leave there, it was horrible. And it's like, oh, that's why. Right. So I've always looked at it as, you know, it's kind of a blessing in disguise. And I know, you know, people say that, and it's like, oh, that really hurts for people to say that. But a lot of times it doesn't work out for a reason, like you said, and things are like meant to be on the other side for some reason or another. Yeah. Um, and it's you know, that's hard. It's excruciating because it's hard to be in that that middle piece. You know?

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah, it is. And I think for for both of us, you know, we do have a level of faith too. Like, like faith and religion are kind of, you know, they're they're big parts of our lives. Yeah. Um, and so I think that's really helpful for me. Um, but I know for some people who don't have that, like, I think if you can put it into perspective like that, in a way, like maybe, you know, whatever your belief system is, if you have one or like the universe or like, you know, yeah. Uming that it wasn't the right thing for you at that point in time.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

Um, but that's really it's still really freaking hard.

SPEAKER_00 7:00

It's very hard. Um, but you know, I've never I think uh another piece of it is not having any kind of regrets. Yeah. Like, you know, okay, this chapter's not working out the way I thought it would, but I'm not gonna have regrets because this led me to this. Like, you know, God bless the broken road that led me straight to you. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it was maybe a lot of crap had to happen, but it had to happen so that this could happen. You know, like um it's a very domino effect, it's very honestly. Like the the old the job that Haley and I worked at together was yes, I couldn't have worked that job having a baby. No, I couldn't have because it I worked 80 hours a week, I it was toxic, I was exhausted. There's no way I couldn't have done that job, and so leaving that job, you know, I had my son, it just all worked out. It was meant to be.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Well, and we wouldn't have met each other if we hadn't been in that place.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Like if I hadn't have worked that job, I wouldn't have met you, I wouldn't have met our boss, yeah, who we're all still friends. Yeah. Um I mean, it was meant to be. Like there wouldn't be deep thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Right. This podcast wouldn't exist.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

It would not nor would our murder mystery. No. So we needed to. But like every job I've worked, um, I have met friends who are still my friends to this day. I there is not one job that I've worked that I do not have a friend from that I still talk to, that I still see. Yeah. You know, and it's it's wonderful. Like I, you know, and maybe the job wasn't the best. Like the one that we worked at started out great, and then just sort of crashed and burned. Just sort of crashed and burned. But um like I wouldn't have met Haley. Like, you know, so so there's you can have regrets. There are good things that come out of all things. Yeah. I think a lot of it is also your perspective.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah, and I think that initial hurt too is is hard to get past.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Because it's valid.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah, it's so valid. And I think the but yeah, I like that not having regrets thing. Like, you know, doing your very best and knowing and like if it was a job interview per se, like or something like that, that's or an audition or something, like you're trying out for something, like knowing that you did everything that you could do, you put everything out there, you have no regrets about what you did, and it just didn't work out. And I think being able to have the mentality like that's not on me. Like, I have done everything I could do that I could possibly do, and it is out of my hands at this point.

SPEAKER_00 10:07

But I think that's the hard part. Yeah. Is when you give up so much and you sacrifice so much to make it the absolute best possible, it hurts that that's not seen and rewarded because we're always taught Yeah. Hard work will get you there. Hard work will get you there. Doing the best you can, putting 100%. And I think too, maybe seeing other people who float it, seeing other people who don't work as hard as you do, yeah, uh advance or get those achievements. Ooh, that stings. That's hard. That's it. That really stings because you want to be seen, you want to be heard, you want to be respected. Yeah, um, you want to be valued. And when people who are doing less than you are moving up the ladder or don't have the experience you have, moving up the chain, that hurts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

And that's hard. And I think too, like for me, coming from like a performing arts background, like I've been a dancer since I was a little kid. I danced in college, um, which is a whole different level. I've danced on tables. Collies dance on tables. Um, like I've been through that kind of audition process before too. And rigorous. Like being on, you know, being on the college team that I was on, like there were some times where I I know I practiced harder, I know I was working harder, and I still wasn't good enough. Like there were people there that were just more talented than I was. And no matter how hard I tried or how hard I worked or the amount of hours I put in, or the good attitude that I brought, no matter what I did, I was never gonna beat out one of those people for a spot in a dance for a leading role in something. Like it was just wasn't gonna happen. And that was so hard for me, and I held so much resentment for that process against them, against the director, against like the whole like institution of it, like to the point where I didn't want to do it anymore. Where like I'm thinking I've put in all this work, I try my very best every time I'm in this building in the studio, like I'm working my absolute butt off for this. I want this, I want this, I deserve this. Yeah, I don't deserve anything. Um, but like I worked so hard and I know like I knew I was working harder than other people, and I was so resentful of just the natural ability that some people had.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

And to know that I didn't have that, I wasn't naturally flexible, I didn't have good feet, I didn't pick up choreography as well. I wasn't as I hadn't been as classically trained, or I wasn't trained as much in that style of dance that was expected. I, you know, hadn't had the level of exposure and competition and that kind of stuff. I wasn't as good as and that took me a long time to get over. And like to not be jealous, to not hold that resentment against those people that were just naturally more talented than I was, and that's okay. Like, there are gonna be people out there who are better than you at something, like, and I think for me coming into that college dance environment, every single one of us that came in there, we were the best from our home teams. Like we were one of the best from our individual studios, from our individual, like we were at the top. Yeah. You come into that place where everybody was at the top, you're more than likely not gonna be at the top anymore.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

It happens all the time. College basketball, you're an amazing college basketball player. Everybody's like, oh my gosh, you get you know recruited, you're in the NBA, and you flounder. Yeah, you're terrible. Because you know everybody is the best. Because everybody's the best. Yeah, and you're just not that great anymore.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

Yeah, and that was me. Like, I came from a studio where the style of dance that I did, I was the best at for my studio. Like, I was a hundred percent, like I could say that with full confidence, I was the best in my studio at that type of dance. At that time. Yeah, you know, I went to college, was on that team, I was like bottom ten. Wow. I was nowhere near as good as, you know, the people that I was there with.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

I think too, it's often hard, especially if you're a grudge holder, yeah, to how do you overcome that and let that go? Because I'm I'm here to tell you, um, I've worked before where I've trained people, I've had people work under me and watched them move up the ladder. Um makes me very resentful. Because it wasn't a thing of, oh gosh, I'm just not as talented as them. No, no, no. Right. I gave them the skills. Yeah. And they were able to move, and I stayed the same to where they became at a higher level than me. Yeah. Sometimes it's politics. Oh, 100%. It's politics. It's we need to plug in a body here, and oh, you, okay, we're gonna put you here, and it just kind of yeah. And and then my resent comes to resentfulness comes to that person. Um, and then it become it's weird. Um I'm a grudge holder. I'm here to tell you, I'm a grudge holder. And I it takes me years. You know, and I say this as a therapist, it takes me years to get over my grudges and anger. I'm better since I've gotten older, but honestly, it's hard. Yeah. And if you've hurt me, whoo boy, um we're not gonna be friends ever. Yeah. But no, I mean, really, how do you go on from significant hurt? How do you get past that? It's hard. Yeah. It's I mean And it could be a resolute other people just have more talent in this area. It could be a, you know what? I wasn't meant to do that, you know, role. Yeah. So that's why I didn't move up the chain. I was meant to go elsewhere, I was meant to do this, I was meant to do that. So I I think sometimes we have to look at it that way for our own mental health.

SPEAKER_01 17:24

And I have been both on the positive receiving end of that political like placement and the opposite end of it. You know, I've been, I think, you know, I have had jobs where I've known the right people. Yeah. And that's helped me knowing the people that I know in that field or that area or that corporation or that, you know, sector of work, like knowing people helps. Yeah. Um, I've also been in auditions where the dance is already cast, where the cast has already been chosen, and you go to the audition, and there's no point of you being there because it's already been cast. But they're doing it because they have to. But they're doing it because they have to, and it wants to make it look fair, right? Kind of thing. Like I've been in that situation before, and the only reason I was able to tell was because the person thought that everybody in the room was already that I had auditioned was already um like that they'd already cast that that dance. And then I was still in there. Surprise. Surprise. I wasn't cast. Awkward, awkward. It's like, okay. That feels weird. Um, so I've been in that situation before, and that really sucks. Absolutely. Um and then I feel even more of the imposter syndrome when I've gotten a position and I think oh I only got this position because I know somebody. And like, is that true? I don't know. Was I truly and I have to think, was I truly the best person for this job?

SPEAKER_02 19:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Or have they just known me since I was five? Wow. And they then I got it.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Both. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

So I don't know, you know, and that's that but like Yeah, it does make you wonder. It makes you wonder. It makes you question.

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Like well, it makes you wonder with anything. Yeah. Like, you know, uh thinking a lot about interviews, job interviews I've done over the years, you know, that I did get, that I didn't get, you know, what was really the difference? And I think that there is that thing that you feel, you know what I mean? Like in those job interviews, is it that click that happens? Um, that you feel like I think I think I got this. Yeah. It it's a click. It's a people in the room are like, yeah, and like they're less girl, you're connected to them, you're having this dialogue. Yeah. Um, the one I did for the job that we worked at together, which was about a year and a half before you started. Yeah. Um, but it was first I did it with like the director and somebody else, and then I did it with the rest of the team, which was 11 people. It was in a U shape. So they were sitting in a U shape and they put me in the middle and they just started firing questions at me like a firing range. Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. And it was like, oh wow. I held my own. I answered every single one of their questions. I felt like I built rapport with them. I, you know, and I knew it. I knew I had that job. I knew it.

SPEAKER_01 20:45

Um and I've been in vice versa, where like I've gone in where like thinking about like I hadn't thought about that before you said it, but like I interviewed for a position before I worked in my last like public school position. I interviewed for another district and I knew I didn't get it. Like after that interview, I was like, no.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Oh, I've had those two.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

And not that it was a bad interview, yeah. But that like not that not that I'd answered the questions incorrectly or like bad. It was like there was no connection between me and the people giving the interview, and I was like, I didn't get that.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Exactly. I've had that too. I've had that too, where you know, you just know. And also, you know, things like things will make you nervous in interviews. People are like writing stuff down, people are like they don't make eye contact with you, that it feels like it's just like you said, like the formality they have to go through because they posted this externally, even though they know they're gonna hire internally, they just have to go through it. So like mm mm, well, thank you so much for your time today, Miss Haley.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

You know, like Well, and then the really hard part is when you are the internal candidate and you don't get hired.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

So they end up going with an external person. Yes, that has happened. That an agency we worked at, um, there was somebody that we encouraged to go for um the supervisor role. And so she did. She was an internal and they hired someone externally, and that was devastating for her. Yeah. And then I felt really guilty.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Well, and it's one of those too. Like, I think when you hire externally, when you have an internal candidate, does it set that person that comes in externally up for failure? You know? Yeah. Like, especially if that internal candidate had rapport with like co-workers or students or clients or patient, like whoever it is in whatever situation it is, does it then set the person up that's taking that quote unquote taking that position? Absolutely. Does it set them up for failure?

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Absolutely. Potentially.

SPEAKER_01 22:58

Like, how do you navigate? That's hard.

SPEAKER_00 23:01

Well, and I think something hard um is you know, uh a lot in in like social work field is you know, seeing people like work their way up.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:14

And so I have always just had mad respect for the people who worked their way up through, you know, whatever it was. Like, okay, sure, I started doing therapy at an agency, and then I, you know, worked maybe at a hospital, and then I started doing private practice, and so seeing people like work their way up versus the people who are like, oh, I just came in private practice.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah, I would agree with that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

And then suddenly they want to, you know, be your supervisor and you're like, wait.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

I think that's why I encourage my students to to not go try to go directly into private practice. Don't I tell them I'm like, you need to go work in the public sector for at least two years.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

You have to.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Like, go learn because those skills are invaluable. And the cool thing about like teaching social work and being a part of the program that I'm a part of is our like accrediting board requires that all social work faculty have to have worked in the field that's good for a certain amount of time. I think it's two years post grad degree. Yeah. Um, that you have to have worked in the field before you can even apply to teach. You should. Um, and I've had God, how long have I worked in the field before I started teaching? Oh six, seven years. Seven years? Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. In a variety of different settings. Yeah. So I felt pretty prepared to be able to teach.

SPEAKER_00 24:49

And and you have to, to me, some of the best people who are your in your supervisory roles, your directoral role, all those roles are the people who understand what you do. Yeah. Because they did it too. Yeah. And so there's there's an appreciation and a value for you because they know what you do, they know how hard you work and they see you, versus the people who just have never done this job, they just come straight into it, maybe from another field, and they're sitting here telling you what to do and looking over your stuff, and they don't even know what they're looking at.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Well, and I think too, like, for me, having the practical experience has been so important because I can't imagine having gone from like school, school, school, school, school to teaching immediately without having. So, like, because I can look at my students and be like, yeah, I've been where you're gonna be. Like, I've been the one on the side of the road with the screaming foster child. I've been spit on. I've been hit. That was just been that was just Holly. Um That was just an episode. I've been, you know, I've been spit on, I've been hit, I've broken up fights, I've had a bloody nose, like I've been I have been in the trenches. You've been crying in the shower. I've cried in the shower, I've lost I've lost children, like sleep, like I've witnessed death, like I've I have cleaned up a dead body, like I have done all of these things. Yeah. Um I've lost a student. I've like like I've I've done the thing. Like I can tell you the heartbreak and like what you're about to get into because I've done it. Yeah. Have I done and witnessed everything there is about social work? Absolutely not, because you never could because it's such a broad field. Like the mental health field is so broad, which is really cool. But like for the most part, though, I can give you a pretty good idea. Yeah. And I think my students really respect that out of me because like I'm not bullshitting them.

SPEAKER_00 26:52

There's also a piece of it of I'm willing to get my hands dirty and dig in with you versus ew, paperwork, ew, you know, uh, I'm having to do, ew, file insurance, ew, you know, versus that. There, because I think there are those two kinds of managers. There's that one who's like, ew, gross work, um, ew, your work, that's beneath me, versus the one who's like, I got your back, Jack. You're gonna be out for a week, I got you. I got you back. You need support, I got you. Yeah, like the ones who are ready to dig in. I think there's just a dichotomy between the two of those. And for me, you know, even going back to the Brene Brown dare to lead, yeah, you know, like are you gonna be the leader who is able to step up when when it counts? Or are you gonna be the one who says, not my job? Yeah, sorry, you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

I don't think we can tie that back to like disappointment when you see people that are like that being promoted. And yeah, I've seen it a lot in it. It happens. Yeah. Yeah. So I would encourage you to try as hard as it is to understand that yes, it's out of your control, but looking back at your experience and not having any regrets. Exactly. And knowing that, you know, in whatever if you believe in a higher power, if you don't, if you're more like vibes, universe, whatever it is that you believe in, know that, you know, everything I truly believe everything happens for a reason. And that, you know, one thing leads to another. It's like that domino effect or that butterfly effect or whatever, like they they call it. You know, there's a reason like you'll be able to look back on this experience and maybe hopefully understand why it happened. Like in the moment, that doesn't feel helpful. Like, honestly, when people tell me that in the moment, I'm like, shut up, I want to punch you in the throat. Exactly. But I think there's truth to it though. I agree. Like, you know, when I have been extremely disappointed, if someone were to tell me, like, in five years, you're gonna look back on this experience and be like, I would be like, shut the f up. You would throat punch them. I would throat punch you.

SPEAKER_00 29:31

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

But being five years out from a disappointment experience, I'm like, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

I see it now. And sometimes it doesn't even take that long. Sometimes it could take a week, and you're like, oh yeah, I I see that. You know, like it sometimes it takes a while for it to be revealed, yeah. Kind of why. Um, but going back to it has to be for a reason, you know, and I love that Mother Teresa quote, you know, do small things with great love. Like, you know, sometimes we don't always see the impression that they make. I was telling Haley tonight, I said, you know, uh at the old job that we worked, I killed myself. I bent over backwards and I felt so unappreciated when I left. And uh the job I just um left, I felt so valued and appreciated with so many people telling me how much I impacted their life. And so that was that, you know, it took what, nine, eight or nine years, however many years it's been. Seven years? Yeah, seven years. Seven years to sort of get that, to feel that how does it been that long? It's been it'll be seven years. Sorry. Yeah. It's not an existential crisis. It it's all right. Okay. Yes. Uh to to feel that, and so now I'm like validated. Yeah. I had to go seven years and sort of get there to feel that validation, but it felt even better now than it would have back then. Yeah. So yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

So, yes, I think, yeah, disappointment fucking sucks. It does. Can I say that word? I think you can. Okay. I think we're explicit on this. We are it sucks. Um really does. But at the same time, I heard someone say this. It I think it was Carol Burnett, and let me make sure that I get her called. I love Carol Burnett. Rejection is God's protection. She said it, and I love it. Yeah because I think that's true. Yeah. Yep. Maybe this wasn't the job you got hired for, and in the moment it sucks. But it's God's protection because something else is coming.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

Well, and I think too, like not beating yourself up for being upset. Exact be upset. You have a right to be. You are that feeling is valid. Your feelings are valid. Always. Always. And I think it's then what you turn around and do with that is important.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Correct. Because, you know, we can have those thoughts and our behavior. So it could be, I'm really upset, and that is valid. Yeah. I'm gonna go shoot those people. Not valid! Don't do that. No, don't do that. But how do you take that hurt and turn it into something better? You're just gonna sit in bed all day and get depressed and not do anything and and just eat your feelings and drink your go off and do something crazy. Or are you gonna channel that? Is that gonna propel you into something greater? You know what? F this. I'm gonna apply for 10 more jobs. I'm gonna try for this. Like, this is something I'm gonna let this fuel me. I'm gonna let this fuel me to something even greater. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Yeah. Because it's an anonymous honestly, you have to think about like your worth. Like you're worth more than that. Absolutely. You're worth more than that rejection. You are worthy of good things, and that thing that you were rejected from isn't worthy of you. Exactly. And where you are at this point in your life.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

And do they truly know you? No. Do they truly know your work totally? No. Do they know totally what you're capable of? No. But somebody else is about to learn. Yeah. Somebody else knows your value.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

And it's, you know. I don't want to say it's going to all work out because it might not, but we never know. We never know. And I truly believe, though, that everything does happen for a reason. I've said that over and over again. But I truly believe that. And that's how I've lived my life. And it's the only way that I've I've dealt, been able to successfully deal with the disappointment and the heartache of situations. And you know.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

Yeah. And be proud of yourself for trying. So many people are so fearful of even making the attempt because we have imposter syndrome, because we imposter syndrome, because we don't feel good enough. Be proud of yourself for even being bold enough for trying. You know, you tried. Like that is huge in the scheme of things. Yeah, you tried and you didn't get it. But the fact is, you you went for it. Like you were bold enough. So use that as something that will prepare you for try to other try for other things. Sorry, I can't talk tonight. Try for other things because you did that. You can easily do this. Like, come on. And so I think that's a big thing to look at. Like when the train pulls up, jump on. Yeah. Jump on. Try all the things because you never ever know what you're destined for.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

I was talking to a student um recently who is, you know, we're both, you know, people of faith. And she was talking about like, you know, how do you know like what to do next? Like, how do you, you know, how do you figure out like what that next step looks like for you? And I was like, you know, I think the biggest advice I can give you, it's something that I've tried to live by, is to say yes to things that scare you. You know, and I was telling her about my experience working um, you know, my internship in grad school. I switched tracks very late in the game. Um, there were not many internships left. And they presented one to me that was like, hey, we think you, you know, you say you like to work, you know, with this population, teenagers. Um, we have this after school program, it's in the Bronx. But you get there in the afternoon, it's after school, so you're not leaving until after dark. You have to walk to the train by yourself in a neighborhood you don't know. And I was like, okay. So I went and interviewed, fell in love with it, took the like got offered the internship, took it, had the best year interning at that place, absolutely loved it, still have connections with the people I worked with there, still like keep up with you know their social media and see some of the kids I worked with, and just like had this incredible experience that if if I had listened to that little voice in my head that's like, this is really scary, this is scary, like this isn't this is unfamiliar, if I'd listened to that, I never would have had that experience and never would have been in the positions that I am now. Push through the fear. So I think when opportunities like that present themselves, even if they're scary, I think take them. Yeah, take them and do it, you know, and we've said before, like there's a difference between being uncomfortable and being unsafe. Right. And so knowing like you have to know that and know where that line is with yourself. Right. But there is so much to be learned in the uncomfortable. Yes. Um, if it's unsafe, that's a different story. But it's okay to be uncomfortable, it's okay to feel weird about it. Um as long as you're safe. Absolutely. Safety first.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

Safety first, that's what we preach.

SPEAKER_01 37:50

But no, and I was, yeah, talking to that student, and she was like, she was like, that's really good advice. I definitely won't remember that. I agree. And I hope that she does because I think you know, that was a that was a big leap of faith for me to do that. And I'm so glad I did. I'm glad you did too. Because it wasn't, it wasn't scary at all. Like it was so fun. Like I had the best year in my internship. It was great.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Yeah. Um I think that uh pushing through the fear is gonna be really important too. Just trying. Just trying. Try whatever. No, you're worth it. No, you're worth it. And if they don't believe it, that's their problem. Prove it to somebody else. Show it somebody else will want you. Yeah. So yeah. Oh, thank you so much for this question. Yeah. It's a great question.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

That's a great question.

SPEAKER_00 38:51

Well, um, if you want to send us your questions, we would love to either read your email or you can send us a voice message. You can do that by emailing us at deep thoughts with h at gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook with Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley. You can find us on Instagram, Deep Thoughts with H H. Thank you so much. Yeah, and we'll catch you next time. See ya. Bye. Deep Thoughts is a production by Holly and Haley. Social media brought to you by Holly, podcast editing by Haley, visual design by Marquez. For sponsorship opportunities, please reach out to us via email, Deep Thoughts with H at gmail.com.