Changing Friendships

Join us this week as we talk about friendships and how they change overtime. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Deep Thoughts with Holly and Haley.

SPEAKER_01 0:02

This week we'll be discussing changing friendships. Quick disclaimer for you. While we do have a background in mental health care, we are not your licensed mental health providers. If you're in need of professional mental health care, please reach out to a local office near you. If you're in crisis, please dial 911 or 988 for immediate assistance. We sure did. We are three for three. Wow, we are here. Nailed it. Look at us. What you got? Okay, so I have an email which I'm excited to kind of talk about this because I feel like this is so relevant for me right now. Um, but this is from Ava. So hi, I'm Ava from Pittsburgh. I am noticing that a lot of my friends that I thought I would have forever aren't in my life as much as they used to be. Nothing has really changed, nothing's really happened, but we are drifting apart. How do you handle it when friendships change? I thought these girls would be in my life forever. Wow. I mean, I definitely felt like that too.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

Yeah, that's yeah. I think that too, we we go through different phases in our life where um, you know, maybe the people that we were really close with, we were close because of dance. We were close because of high school. Yeah. We were close because, you know, we maybe played the same sport or something to that effect. And as we start to move away from the thing that commonly bonded us, or things in our life changed, like maybe we got a boyfriend, a girlfriend, and maybe we're spending more time with them. Maybe we got married or had children and our lives sort of evolved, or maybe we moved to different parts of the country. Like, there's a lot of reasons why friendships change naturally, you know, sort of maturationally, and sometimes it's situationally things change.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Yeah. Well, that's that's our answer. Have a good night, y'all. No, it's not. That's that is just the tip of the iceberg. That's the tip of the iceberg. No, I I mean, I think about this a lot because especially as I I've been planning my wedding. Yes. And I was when I got engaged, the first thing I kind of thought about was like, who do I want my bridesmaids to be? Like, who do I want to be in my wedding? And I, you know, I immediately had like, you know, people that came to mind. And my fiancee has several siblings. He has four brothers and a sister. Oh my gosh. And like a whole bunch of friends that he's been in their wedding. So he, if he could have had everybody stand up on his side, he would have had four like seven or eight people just on his side.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Wow. That's a lot.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

And I was like, I have four. Um, but like there was like I when I was like going through my list and thinking like people who I, you know, and it was it's a thing at like different points in my life, you know, like when I was in high school and I thought, like, oh, who would be my bridesmaids? Like, there was a list of people. None of those people are on my list now. When I was in college, there was a list of people. Um, you know, three of the the girls that are on my side I've known since childhood. So, um, but still, like I didn't know if they would be bridesmaids. Like, we're we're actually honestly closer now than we've ever been. Um, but like my list in college was different than my list in grad school, than my list in my early twenties, than my list even two years ago.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

I mean, honestly, when you had started the job where you worked with me in 2018, was different. Was different. And would you have been like, oh, that lady in that office, that front office, she's she's gonna be in my wedding.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

She'd be in my wedding. Of course not.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

No, I wouldn't have thought it.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Um, no, I mean, but what are you doing in seven years? Yeah, in seven years. Eight years, eight years. In eight years. What are you doing in eight years?

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Do you want to be in my wedding? You want to be a prize man? Um and I was like, do you want to come hold my newborn baby at the hospital?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, absolutely. Um, no, I mean, but like things like that change. And there, but there is still kind of a sadness to that. Absolutely. Like, I think about the list of people in my head that I'm like, these are the people, like if I had to make a big long list of people that at some point in my life were like on my list to be in my wedding. Yeah. Like, and I'm saying wedding because that's like the thing that's you know, most prevalent in my life right now. Right. You know. Um, like it kind of makes me sad that I'm not as close to those people as I initially was. Like my best friend in college, she, you know, we were like we were roommates, like we lived together, like we traveled together. Like she stayed at my house, like we we were inseparable, like we took every class together, we had meals together, like we did all these things together. And we graduated from college. I moved to New York City. She moved, um, she stayed kind of local, um, got married, has um now has three beautiful little girls. Wow. Um, but we we don't talk. At all. At all.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Like was there a falling out? No. Okay. Not at all. We just drifted apart. Right. And no, but like if I ever see like we're still Facebook friends, and like we do the happy birthday, or like, oh my god, your girls are like I feel like oh mother's so cute, or like congratulations, or all this stuff. Like, I am such a supporter of her, like I think she's incredible, and I feel like you know, probably the same goes both ways, I would imagine. Um, but we're not like you know, we were really close and we're what each other needed at that point in our life. Yes. And now we both like she has her her wife, and I have, you know, people who I see every day, and like my fiance, and you know, we just don't have but there would be like if you ran into each other at the store. It's no hard for is hell. Oh my gosh, yeah. Like I ran into her and her wife at um the mall one day with my mom, and um, it's when her wife was pregnant with her twins, um, and ran into her and just like the biggest hug, like, oh my god, how are you? Like, it's the first time that's the first time I met her daughter. Wow. And like she like was so sweet and hugged me, and like her wife hugged, like her wife hugged me, and I'm like, Oh my god, you all look amazing! Like, they're just so cute, and I'm like in tears, like, oh my god, you all are amazing. Just the cutest family. Um, but yeah, no hard feelings, right? Like, we didn't have a falling out, right? We just drifted apart, and that's okay. Like, that happens, and like I cherish that friendship so much. Exactly. Like, it is such a like I think about that time and like my friendship with this person, and I'm like, oh what a warm little like little piece of my heart. It just makes me happy, and like seeing like stuff that she posts, I'm like, oh, that just makes me happy. Um, but we're not like we're not texting every day, right? Like, we're not hanging out, like we really don't talk to each other. Right. I should reach out. Maybe I should. I feel like I should. I feel like I should reach out. Maybe this is your maybe this is my sign. That's your sign to reach out. All that to say, like yes, it's it sucks sometimes and like it can make you a little sad, but it doesn't mean that it's bad that you've changed changed and yours at different points in your life, and I mean I have um I have a friend who gosh, we've been friends since college.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Um but you know our life our you know, our lives kind of went through different stages where you know, like we were in college, she's four years older than me, actually. We met, I was 19, she was 23. Never would have believed she was four years older. Like she looked younger than me. It's crazy. Um, but you know, we became really good friends and like we were tight, and we even stayed tight, like post-college, like we were still tight. Her dad died in 2018. Um, I went up to Virginia to be there to support her. I mean, I was in her wedding in 2010, she had three kids. It was like boom, you know, all these things. She lived in another state. Um, but you know, we would try to like every time it was our birthday, we would like reach out and call each other and that kind of thing. And you know, over time that sort of wanes because you know, it's like, you know, I had my life and and that kind of thing. I had my baby and and things were just different. Um, but I will say when the hurricane happened, she was so strategic about because she couldn't get a hold of it, I had no service. No, you know, we we know how it was.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

Yeah, it was rough, rough time.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

So I had a friend who was actually who had driven to Charlotte because she was going overseas to Europe. And uh she reaches out to me on my work phone because it was the only thing that worked. Oh yeah, it was Verizon. Yeah, yeah. And she reaches out to me and she says, Hey, your friend Megan found me on Facebook, messaged me, and is so worried about you because she can't get a hold of you. And she's terrified. Are you oh you know, she wants to know that you're okay, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, Yes, give her my work number. And so I ended up talking to her the next night for probably like four or five hours, like ridiculous along. And it was so nice because it was like it was warm, yeah, and it was like, oh, like a hug. It was like a hug. Yeah. And I knew that she cared about me and she loved me, and and same for her, even though our lives were so different. Yeah. And and you know, we're we're very different in how we view things, and we're very we always have been. Yeah. Um But it was nice in that moment that she truly cared. Like she was gonna go through my Facebook and find, you know, friends of mine and reach out to them to find out if I'm okay. Like that was that was huge. Um, so that really means a lot. And I do have those friends from college who are like that, and then I have the folks who've who've kind of drifted away. Now let's talk about the other ones. Sometimes changing friendships have to do with falling out.

SPEAKER_01 11:32

Yeah, or just like I mean, yeah, I mean, I had a friend. Ghosting who, you know, is someone I thought would be like would be in my wedding for sure. Like this is someone who and I still love this person, but I think we have drifted apart and some things have happened that I'm just not as close to them anymore, and it's awkward. Have you put the wall up or have they or both? I think it's it's been a both sort of situation. Like, I don't know why. And it's also hard when you have a friend who is really bad at instigating or initiating. Okay. Not instigating. Yeah. Um, but like initiating conversation because and I'm guilty of that sometimes. Like sometimes I feel like if I'm putting all the work into communicating with you, you're gonna shut down and you're not doing the same, I'm not in it. Girl, we are like the same person. Yeah, like yes, but at the same time, I'm also really bad at responding to texts. Yes. But the people in my life that love me and know that, they know that, and they know that I've read it and I've responded in my brain. And I have had this full conversation with you. That's why you can't get mad at her. In my head. Yeah. I just didn't write it down and send it to you. But I've fully responded in here.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

It is true. Yeah, this happens regularly. So you can't get hurt by that because we just know how you are. Yeah. So then you just follow up. Yeah. That's what I do. Yeah. I was like, hey. Uh so did you read what I said? Oh, yeah, I did. I thought I responded. Okay, cool. Uh, can you respond to that, please? Yeah, I've got you. And then I don't respond until no. No. And it is irritating. It's it's not that I'm mad at her, I get irritated. Like just do a voice memo. Just answer the question. Voice to text. I do that all the time. That's so smart. I should do that. I do that literally all the time.

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Because I'm like, I don't have time to write this down right now.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

That's why things are never spelled right, because it hears me wrong, it writes things incorrectly.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

That's my problem, is I typically like I am I'm decent at multitasking, but oftentimes I'm so like in something or like in a conversation that I will see a text come through and I can't stand to have a notification on my phone. It's an anal thing about me. So I'll clear it, like I'll read it and be like, oh yeah, I can respond to that later. It's not a fire, like it's not an emergency. And then I've had seven other emergencies that have happened, and I've totally forgotten about it because in my head I responded to that because I'm like, oh yeah, this is what I need to say, and I'll say it later.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

So going back for a second, and I'm not analyzing you, I promise. No, you should. It's a dangerous, dangerous game to play. Don't open that door. Um, okay, kind of going back to that that you're you're just typically not responsive that you you want to be, but you, you know, think you did or whatever. Yeah. Is that also on the flip side kind of your self-protection mechanism of putting up some boundaries as well? Do you or is it just you mean well and you just don't respond?

SPEAKER_01 15:24

I think it's I mean well, I don't respond. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Because if I'm not gonna respond, I'm very intentional about the fact that I'm not gonna respond. Like I know in my head, like, nope, I'm just gonna end that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

So is it like it's clear ghosting and you're aware, like, hey, I'm I'm I am ghosting.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I don't think I necessarily I have ghosted. I try not to. I have ghosted, but Holly's a major ghoster. And then a major ghoster. Um sorry. I just will have short curt replies. Like if somebody that I don't really want to talk to sends me a, hey, how are you? How are things? How's life? What's going on? What's happening? Things are good. Thanks. And I won't like ask them a follow-up question. Like I won't like initiate that conversation.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Then I would I would wonder that then about myself. So because you uh are very brief.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

I am, but I can be that with you though, because you know that I do care, and that's just how I'm true. Um but yeah, I mean most of my text conversations with people are one word. Like somebody will send me like this big long paragraph, and I'm like, nice.

SPEAKER_00 16:53

So I it is funny because the Haley Nice conversations is me with a lot longer. Oh yeah. So I sent her a picture of me wearing my bridesmaid's dress, and I said, It's here. Ignore the dirty mirror because my mirror was dirty. Yeah. And she says, Yay, do you like it? I think it looks good. I said, I do. I'm gonna have to get it tailored on the bottom because it's a little long, but that's easy. I actually think I like the wrap better than the cape. What do you think? And you said, I like the wrap too. The top of the dress is really pretty. I said, I agree. And I was pleased with the size of it. Yeah. And that was it. And she did not comment back. It was like, oh, maybe, maybe I sh oh I don't know. What time was that? Where was I? That's the question. That's the question. I need to ask.

unknown 17:40

Oh God, I need reading glasses.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

9 46 a.m. I was probably half as I was probably half asleep.

unknown 17:46

Jeez.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Honestly. Oh boy. Um summertime, baby. Oh my gosh. And so um then today she or yesterday she said, What time should I come over? And I said, Seven question marks. She said, Okay. And then I asked her, Do you have an episode? blah blah blah. And then I go on and she's like, nice. Yeah. And then I said something, and she goes, That's crazy. And I said, I know, weird. But it's like, it's just Haley is much more like to the point. Yeah. So I don't, you know, it's hard to tell her curt versus her loving.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

So listen, if you haven't heard from me in a really long time and I'm responding in very short things, then I'm probably like, I don't want to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 18:31

So here's the way you know with me that I'm just don't respond. I either don't respond or you know, typically I'll be like, oh yeah, and I did the blah blah blah. Yeah. But if it's like, it's fine. Okay. Mm-hmm. I'm mad. If I am not talking to you because I'm normally pretty loquacious, oh, that's a problem. Yikes. And that's when you need a follow-up. Yeah. Is everything okay? Yeah. You're very quiet. And it could just be, oh my gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with whatever I'm doing in the moment. Right. Um, I'm so sorry. I'll touch base with you in a little, you know, it could be that. But check in. Check in on check in on your your short texting friends who normally text longer.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Yeah, if you're a typical short texter and you start texting really long things, maybe also check on that person.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Well, and and sometimes a lot of it is the things that we don't say. So maybe I am angry at you. Yeah. I'll tell you. Yeah. You know, like I I think for the most part I'll tell you, but sometimes there are those friendships that you don't. Do you think they're reading your mind? Maybe you have a friend who's like, I think Holly reads my mind. I think we're the same person. I think so too. Scary.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

That is scary. All along this has been one person doing this podcast that's just really good at ventriloquism. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 20:03

What if? You have your hand up my back right now. Right now.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

It's warm in there.

SPEAKER_00 20:16

That's what he said. Cannot help it, Tommy.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

No, something's wrong. We're not right. We're not right. This is why we're friends. Hello. My name is Holly. You are here. You're not a great ventriloquist.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

I didn't say I was. Your hand's up my back, dude. Oh, okay. You're supposed to be doing that. No, I can't do it. Yeah, wouldn't that be funny? But you know, over the years we have learned more and more of how similar we are. It's kind of scary. Yeah, it's a little freaky. It is. We are one person. That's terrifying. Yeah, no kidding. Um, but so I think about friendships too, like a story. Like, okay, yeah, we we met in this friendship and we were so close and tight like sisters. Um, but then I'm like, so now it ended. Whether it was positive, whether it was we ghosted each other, whether things just changed. What's happening? Like, what happened in the story? Like, yeah. Some some of those you never get the answer. Like you don't know what they're doing in their life. I know. You know, which is the aspect of social media that can be kind of cool, yeah. But also can be kind of cruel.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

I know. Because you see like they're having a whole life and you're not a part of it anymore. Yeah. And like that's really hard. Yeah, it is. And like again, especially when it's one of those like nothing happened.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

It just changed. And it's like, do I know them anymore? Yeah. Are they that same person? Have they changed so much that we couldn't be friends in this period of our life? But I also think that sometimes we go in waves where maybe we're not close. But then we catch up again and maybe we can be friends again and it looks different.

SPEAKER_01 22:04

So um and then you have those friends that are like true lifelong friends. Like I have three that and these are three girls that are at my wedding that I have known since I was late elementary school probably, one since I was like four. Yeah, I was the teacher, she was the preschool student. I'm just kidding. And so creepy. Like, but we have always been friends. Like we I feel like we're closer now than we ever were. Um, but like we've we've grew up together and we were in dance together, and we've known each other our whole lives, and um, especially my maid of honor is someone who has been my best friend since I was a very young child. We were I was four and she was three, I think. Oh my gosh. And dance together, and we just have been friends forever, and you know, and it's one of those things like sometimes we'll go a couple weeks without talking, but it's always like a hey, you alive? Yep, I'm alive. You alive? Yep, cool, great. But then we get together and it's like it's one of those that like no time has passed, kind of thing. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

Um, and but we and we also live close to each other and we you know work in similar-ish fields fields, and you know, it's yeah, I have a I have a friend that's very blunt and is very European, and she just says what's on her mind, and she she can be a little judgy sometimes. If you're listening, you know who you are. Um but I respect that so much about her because there's no you don't know you know where you stand. Yeah. She has no hidden agenda. Yeah. She's telling you how she feels, like it or lump it. And yeah, sometimes it comes off kind of rude. Um, but she is extremely well-intended and and loves you. And and yes, I have seasons where maybe there's a group that we're all friends, and I may be close with one friend, and then it changes, and then it's like actually close to the other one, and we sort of bounce back and forth. And um, I don't know. I have always believed, and kind of like you said, like your your core four. Yeah, you know, like I just I I have people that I'm acquaintances with, I have people that I work with, and that kind of thing, but my core group of friends is very small. Yeah, oh, same. And I've had some people say, like, oh well, you should just extend your friend group, and I don't want to because I like that they know me, they know my story. Yeah, it feels safe, yeah. And I don't want to have to, especially at this point in my life, have to go and and I I don't know, it just feels like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 25:17

Yeah, but I think it's important too to be open for sure. Like for sure. Oh, yeah. Like I when I left my job in the public schools, um, I had two people who I'm still very close to. Um, and they were like my ride or die. I could not have done my job without these two women. We've all said this about each other that like we the three of us, if we had not been together, we could not have functioned. Like we were so codependent on each other, trauma bonded, trauma bonded together, and we're just like could read each other's minds in situations pretty well. Um, and I still see these two women um all the time. They will be at my wedding. Um, they will, you know, they are like truly my people. Um and I was like, I'm never gonna have that again. Like, it's hard to find that. Like, it's rare to find that. And so when I started this job, I kind of was like, you know, like I'm probably not gonna have that close of a relationship. I went on a work trip to like Georgia, where we stayed in some really crappy dorms and went to these conferences together, and it was the most random group of like seven people you could have thrown together from the school I work at now. We had the best time. That's awesome. And truly, when we came back, we were like, some one of the people I went with posted on her like a picture of like a group picture of all of us and was like, sometimes you know, you find your people in the weirdest places. I'm like in the mountains of North Georgia at a teaching and learning conference. I found my people.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

We found love in this hopeless place.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

It was truly felt that way. Um but no, like we and I think because all of us went into it with an open mind, like we none of us really knew each other super, super well. Right. Like we knew each other, like we worked together at the same school. We but we were all in different departments. Yeah. We like didn't know each other super well, but we were like, we traveled as a pack. That's crazy. They were like, I mean, there were other schools represented there, and I think every other school, I like to think they were jealous of us, but I think every other school thought we were crazy because we all sat together at the same table in the same seats every day. We traveled together, jealous. We like went everywhere as a group, we would like constantly be looking around, like doing a count. We're like, okay, we're missing, who are we missing? That's really sweet, like just taking care of each other and really bonded. And like I know now when I start the school year back and I see these people at faculty meetings, or I see them at whatever, I'm gonna be like, those are my people.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

I think though, you know what's interesting is because personally I feel very secluded, I guess you could say. Yeah, I think my friend outlets have always come from work. I would agree. Always the same. So, like all the individuals that I am friends with now and have been friends with for years have all come from jobs that I've had. Um, because I I, you know, I I don't see myself walking out my front door and saying, hear ye, hear ye. I'm taking applications for new friends, you know. So I but I think as an adult, like that's just naturally where it's gonna happen. I mean, it's just kind of like when you meet friends in school. Yeah. So similarly, yeah, you can be close to somebody, maybe they're your best friend at work. It doesn't always translate into we're gonna be friends forever. Right. And I've always said, and it is weird, the ones that early on you like connect with, you know, and and just think, wow, we're just, you know, I could see us being friends forever. And the one in the room that you're like, meh, probably not. That one's a little weird. Maybe not that redhead.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Um that one that works in the front office. I don't know about her.

SPEAKER_00 29:32

That blonde. I'm not even sure. I don't know if I'd have her in my wedding. Um, and here we are. Um, but honestly, it's funny how things change.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

And well, it's almost like those ones that you latch onto so quickly in those jobs, like it's almost like they those friendships burn so bright and then they fizzle out. Yes, ma'am. Where it's the ones that you've slowly kind of cultivated and thrown the kindling on and fed it some newspaper.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

See, I was thinking more of flower, but you go to fire. I was thinking more of like maybe a little seed is planted and you water it and slowly over time it grows and you're like, oh wow, it's so beautiful. I never really noticed it before. You went fire. That's that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

But then it's just a gentle rolling campfire.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Not a bonfire. Wonderful. Yeah. Not something that we need to call the Right, we don't have to call emergency services for. Good, good, good, good.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

But yeah, I think those that I think you're right again, because I don't think when either of us started that job, when I started that job, and we got like we didn't get close until closer to the end. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

Where we ended up working a lot together.

SPEAKER_01 30:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Um, we had similar cases.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

We did. We were together a lot. Yes. And I think we and we left at a similar time. And that was part of it. Um but like we've definitely stayed the closest of everybody there. Everybody there. Definitely stay the closest. Yeah. There's only one other person from that job that I had to talk to. Same.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

On another like semi-regular basis. We don't even talk that similarly. But when we do, again, it's like it's one of those like, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. Like but the three of us are the only ones. Yeah. Literally, of all those people that we were so trauma bonded with. Oh my gosh, yeah. It's like we would have died for each other. Heck yeah. In the moment. Heck yeah. No, I wouldn't. Please. No, giving me. No, no. But but also, um, you know, that's just how things change and develop. And would I like to think in 10 years Haley and I are still gonna be close? I hope so. Yeah. But also we live an hour apart. And for us, we can't see each other day to day. Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:02

And it is, but like ours is a f but I also feel like I don't have to work at our friendship.

unknown 32:08

No, I don't work at it at all.

SPEAKER_01 32:10

I mean, I don't. But it's one of those that like I I know Holly's there. I know like out the window. Yeah, she's out the window. I know that if I needed like if I needed to call her for something, like she'd answer the phone. And like even if we haven't talked in a month, like, we're good.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

Well, and I feel like it it you know, it's it's previously sort of been too like if you have something like major happen, like you'll call. Yeah, I call you. If Haley's calling me.

SPEAKER_01 32:45

Yeah, because I don't call anybody.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Something is wrong. It's either something's really wrong or something really funny happened and I had to tell you. Really funny, or like, oh my gosh, you'll never believe this. Yeah. Uh one time she somebody had recognized her from the podcast based on the main podcast based on her voice. I was like, She was like, Oh my gosh, she calls me and I'm like, Haley's calling me, something's happening. Haley's dying. Someone's dead. Something's happening. And so she called me and said, you know Well, we used to talk on the phone all the time.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

We did. Because I had a really long commute. And I did too.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

And we needed I needed to stay alive. Exactly. So we would we would check quite a bit. That's how our podcast was birthed. That is true. That is true. The original. The original. The OG. Um, so yeah, I mean, we had that too, but I I don't know. I think that we just drew closer and and that's really amazing.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

And well, and it is those friendships that I feel like those ones that feel almost effortless that are the ones that last. Yeah. Like the ones that you don't have to put not that you shouldn't put time and energy into your friendships. You should, but the ones that like you know, like you're both in the same place with that. Like you know, like, hey, if we go like three weeks without talking to each other, it's not that we're like we don't care about this friendship, it's that we have lives and things are happening and it just is life.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

Exactly. I know that when push comes to shove, if ever I needed something, Haley would be there. Yeah. And hopefully, you know, the same for me too.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

So yeah, I was ready to come get Holly out of the hurricane. That's right, she was. I was trying to figure out, I was like, okay, do I have a boat? Yeah, I was like, I don't know if I have enough gas to get there and back. Can Holly make it halfway? We transfer to my car, and I get us back, and we just leave her car on the side of the highway. Yeah. That's kind of where we were at at one point. Yeah, I mean, we were trying to figure it out. That's where I was at. I was like, oh god. We were. I gotta get there. I was like, I don't have to siphon gas from somebody to get there.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

It was pretty desperate at that point, to be honest. Um but yes, and I do know that. And I do know that. Um, and I think that maybe you are more physical support for me. That sounds weird, but you know what I mean. Yeah. Versus and and I think I'm more emotional support for you. But I think you can also be a lot of emotional support for me too.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Yeah, I think, yeah, I think it can be like, and I am that way with for a lot of people. Like, I'm like, if you need me to come like build a piece of furniture for you, angle be pretty, but I'll come do it. I mean, tonight I recruited her.

SPEAKER_00 35:40

Oh yeah, I did move a thing out of her a very heavy piece of furniture out of my trunk.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah. Um, but yeah, like I but I think I've historically been that friend. I'm I am also the friend you call on an emergency. Absolutely. Like, it's shit's going down, you need somebody calm to handle it, I got you.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

If you need someone afterward to process with the emotional pieces of it, call me. I'll call Holly. And and that's the thing is I also know that about the friends that I have in my life. Yeah. You know, I have a friend who you want someone who's gonna give you a very blunt answer, I have this one friend that I call. If I want somebody who is going to give me a different perspective, I have another friend that I call. Yeah. You know, if I have I don't know, like an emergency, gotta call Haley. Like, you know, like I truly think like those are the people in my life that I can depend on, but in different ways.

SPEAKER_01 36:37

So Yeah, I was like, I was texting a friend of mine texted me the other day, and she said, Hey, I need you to like cover for me for something. And I was like, You got it. Um, but I said, first off, I said she asked me to like cover for her for something, and I said, Oh, okay, but where are you actually going? Like, are you committing felonies? Should I be prepared with bail money or a shovel for a dead body? Um and like her immediate response was like, no, nothing like that. But like I am that friend. Yes, she's like if you're gonna go like possibly commit a crime and are gonna need somebody to bail you out at two in the morning, call me. She's your girl. I'll come get you. She's your girl from jail. Yeah. If you need a you know hole dug, she's your girl. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

I'm kind of the back end. I think you're the the front end of like Yeah, I don't want to talk to you about what happened.

SPEAKER_01 37:39

Like, I don't want to process it with you in that moment. Like, you call me when you need shit done and handled, and I'll do it. But if you want to process it after I've helped you do the thing, I I'm not it. Don't talk to me. Because I gotta go process it myself.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

And I'm like, Haley, how are you feeling about that? Sweaty. Oh gosh. Yeah. So, Ava, this was a very long, yeah, long window. Because I think something that I've I've come to the notion about in Deep Thoughts is really your questions help us process our own deep thoughts. And the things about friendships are that they do change, and it's hard to accept sometimes the change, and we want to hold on to friendships sometimes that aren't worth holding on to, and sometimes we're not willing to fight for the ones that are. Yeah. So I think determining is this a mountain I'm willing to tie on? Is this a friendship worth pursuing? Is this one I should let go? Or has it naturally just fizzled out? And it's okay for things to change because they do. And not saying that that time in your life wasn't a wonderful, embrace it, being like, yeah, it was it was great. We needed each other, but now we don't need each other, and that's okay because I have someone else, or they have someone else, or you know, we've just gone different ways in our life, and that's okay. And we support each other from afar, and you know, and if we saw each other, you know, at the grocery store, I wouldn't duck and cover. Right. I would embrace them.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:19

Um, and it may not always be that way. Yeah. But that's that's sort of life, and that's how it goes. Accurate. Yeah. But we're here for you because we felt those things before. So many. And I have had many times where I think about, gosh, who would I fit into this picture? Who, you know, would I think about this, that, and the other, and they're not always the same people. Nope. And that's okay. And that's okay. Yeah. Well, well, thank you for writing in. Yeah. And uh we wish you the best of luck. And we'll see you next week. Yes, ma'am. Bye. Bye. Deep Thoughts is a production by Holly and Haley. Social media brought to you by Holly, podcast editing by Haley, visual design by Marquez. For sponsorship opportunities, please reach out to us via email, Deep Thoughts with H at Gmail.com.