Ep 39 - It’s Not a Time Problem—It’s a Priority Problem

This week on Messy But Motivated 🎙️

I’m getting real about something a lot of us don’t want to admit…

👉 We don’t have a time problem—we have a priority problem.

We say we’re too busy.

Too tired.

Too overwhelmed.

But if we’re honest?

We make time for what matters most to us.

In this episode, I’m diving into:

• Why “I don’t have time” might not actually be true
• The hard truth about what we’re putting before God, growth, and what really matters
• How small daily choices are shaping the life we say we want

And I’m also sharing something close to my heart ❤️

I talk about what I believe is helping shape my kids into genuinely good humans—not perfect, but kind, respectful, and grounded.

This one is honest, a little convicting, and hopefully the push we all need to realign what actually matters.

Because at the end of the day…

we always have time for what we prioritize.

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Thanks for being a listener, stay blessed friends. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Messy But Motivated. I'm your host, Melinda. Welcome, welcome. I just got done with a Bible study online. If you are not um attending those, I highly recommend it. I I only take about I always try to do 30 minutes less or 30 minutes or less, sorry about that. 30 minutes or less a day. Um, so try jumping on. I know I just started them. I just started them. I felt like I needed to do it because I was teaching myself, obviously, because of seminary, and then I'm like, if I'm teaching myself, maybe I should take the time, the extra 30 minutes, and teach you guys too. So that is what I have decided to do. So if you ever um have time, definitely get on there. I try to do it in the morning between eight and nine. Um, and it's on all platforms as Mrs. Motivated2025. So I say all, but it's Facebook and TikTok. Sorry. Anyways, uh Easter Easter's this weekend. Oh my gosh, Easter. I I don't even how how about how fast it went? And is anybody listen? I live in Iowa and I want you to know something. I I am annoyed. I'm so annoyed. Uh uh this weather is annoying and um it's one of those things where it's like it's spring, but it's not spring here. They keep teasing us though, keeps teasing us like oh it's 70 degrees and sunny, and then the next day 30 degrees, 30 degrees and raining. So uh listen. Listen. I know a lot of you are like, yeah, don't worry, you'll be in Florida soon. Um, yeah, I mean, if God if God wants me there, I don't know what's happening. People keep asking me, oh, you know, how's it going? I mean, honestly, you guys, whatever God tells us to do, we're gonna do. So we might be here. If our house don't sell, we might be here. So we'll see. We have a showing today. So actually, um, Mike is home today, which is great, amazing. Um, so we are just getting the house ready and all the things. So, yeah. Today I want to talk about how we do not have a time problem, we have a priority problem. We have a priority problem, and I am j hey, guilty as charged, guilty as charged, and I think we all are guilty of it. We are all guilty. How many times, how many times have we let our phone distract us? Other things distract us that honestly, you guys, we shouldn't be, but we do. We do because those are worldly things, and we have to remember who's behind the worldly things, Satan. And we have to remember that our phones, they're gonna distract us. Our our computers, they're gonna distract us. Things that don't matter are gonna distract us. Being infatuated with trying to find the next nido, distraction. Standing in line for a nido, distraction. And I just keep bringing that up because honestly, I see it and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like this is what our world has come to. This is what the world has come to. The fact that we're gonna stand in line for for Nitos, but then you can't give, you can't give uh five minutes a day to your Bible. Like, look where and it brings me back to that song, uh, we have dust on our Bibles, but brand new iPhones, and it makes so much sense. It makes so much sense. I heard that yesterday. I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, I had to turn that baby up. I'm like, that is it's it's right. It is so right. Like, we somewhere in the mix, we have messed up our priorities, and we need to take it back. We need to take a few steps back and reset. And it's okay. It's okay if today's the day that you have to do that. It's okay if you start tomorrow. I don't care when it is, but I I I encourage you to reset. I encourage you to think, you know what? Maybe I don't need to be at the kitchen table with my family eating dinner and have my phone next to me. Maybe I don't need to be on the couch when I'm watching a movie with my kids and have my and have my phone looking at my phone. Maybe, just maybe before bed, I charge my phone in my kitchen and I don't fall asleep to looking at my phone. Because remember that what these children see, what they see is what they're gonna do. They mimic behaviors, they mimic them. So who are we to say, don't be on your phone all the time if they see us on our phone all the time? And don't get me wrong, the distractions, I mean, they're getting good with them. The notifications, I make sure I don't get it. Listen, if I can give you any advice, turn off notifications, turn them off. If there is one that you need to turn on for emergence, do that. But other than that, you guys, I'm telling you, it's great. Turn it off. It's it'll save it, it saves your sanity. One thing I also did is I stopped wearing a smartwatch. I stopped and I moved to the ring because I'm like, uh-uh. The the notifications, all the no, no, and if you're gonna call me and I'm not next to my phone, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Think about what they did in the 90s. If we weren't home, you didn't get the phone call. I remember that. If you weren't home, you didn't get the phone call. You had to tell your friend, hey, I'll be home at this time, call me at this time. And you'd be sitting by the phone waiting. Like, we're gonna there everybody's gonna survive. We're gonna be okay. It's gonna be alright. We we have all somehow th we've we've gotten to this mindset where, well, I have to have my phone with me at all the time. What do you mean? We survived before without them. We'll be just fine. You are we are just in this we need to know now mentality because that's what we've been trained. We've been trained, and who's taught us that? That's Satan's work right there. That is Satan's work, you guys. He wants us to be running around, he wants us busy, he wants us doing this, he wants us doing that, he wants us our minds, and and then we wonder why we're anxious. In the Bible, it says be still. Be still, and there's a reason for it. He will come through when you are still sit in it. Yesterday I took the time, especially this week, it's been holy week, and I'm like, I'm gonna take the time and I'm just going to sit. I'm just gonna move all devices, I'm gonna just sit. And and I did that. I actually didn't sit, I laid, and I'm like, don't fall asleep because I laid on my bed. And I just took the time, and I'm telling you what happened. I can I'll be completely honest, what happened? Uh I started thinking about this, I started thinking about that, and then I had to keep going back. I'm sorry, God, I was talking to you, and then somehow I got distracted. And we have to remember what that is. Distractions are our Satan's work. So all I just kept doing is yes, I got distracted, and I went right back. All right, God, sorry, I did that. But you understand my heart. So what I was meaning is da-da-da-da-da-da. And I would just go on, and then next thing you know, I'm down, I'm I'm I'm thinking about something else again, my target pickup order. So it is so important to just take the time and know you will be distracted. But the only thing that we can do in order to get better is to work on it and practice it because practice makes perfect. So try, start with five minutes. That's what I've started with. Five minutes. Five minutes to sit in silence and and know that it's okay if I get distracted, but to reset every time. Reset. Don't give up. Don't say, okay, well, this is I can't even concentrate. I can't. Oh, I need an Adderall. Oh, I need this. I need meds. I need no, you don't. You don't. You have to understand that that is human. That is human nature. That is what we're gonna do. That is what we've been trained to do, is to not sit. We have been trained that we need to go, we need to go. Why do you think it is so hard for people to sit back and enjoy Sabbath? When God commanded it, God commanded Sabbath. He wanted, he has made us to rest. He needs us to rest. He created us to work and then rest on the seventh day. But yet, some of us can't stop. Some of us gotta go, go, go, go, go. We don't want to sit and read the book. We don't want to sit and just relax. We don't want to sit and just and just communicate with the family without devices around. We don't want to do that. Because we have been in our minds, we have been told we need to go, go, go. And if you don't, what is it? You're lazy. You're not getting things done. Everybody else is doing all the things and you're not. Does it sound familiar? I'm saying this because I often think that I will sit and I will have this big to-do list. Big, because I make lists, guys. I I've started doing it because if not, I'm the girl that at the end of the day, I'm like, I didn't get anything done today. So if I could look at a list and be like, no, you did do this, even though it was something little, like you sent off a bill, or you went and did that. Like it, it I check it off. I check it off. And at the end of the day, if it doesn't done, guess what? I'm okay. I just we go right back at it tomorrow. And if I have to add things to it, that's what I do. It is one of those things, you guys, you have to find what works for you and find how you can stop and just give him five minutes of your day. Give if if if your mind's too cloudy, maybe write it all down before you go and sit with him. Find what works for you. Maybe that, maybe that that watch is distracting you. Maybe it's making you anxious. Maybe you need to turn the notifications off on your phone because your phone vibrates all the time, even and and you always feel the need you need to look at it. We have a priority problem, we don't have a time problem. And I know that's that's something really hard to hear. It was it was hard for me to even even think about because I was like, what can I talk about today that that would really resonate? And then I often try to think about things that resonate with me. Like, what am I going through right now? And I can tell you what I'm dealing with is distractions. I have I have school, because most of you know I'm in seminary, so I am I I'm really in the word a lot, a lot, but also I'm I'm trying to be a wife and I'm trying to be a mom. And then in between time, I I'm like, oh well, I don't have time, but I do have time. Because what I what I'm prioritizing is not important. What I was putting before the other things that were more important were kind of laughable. I have to post this today. I have to do this, I have to do that. No, you don't. You don't have to do anything. Your kids aren't gonna remember if you made that post, Melinda. What they will remember is if you weren't at the kitchen table eating dinner with them. Because the post was more important to make, or the video was more important to make. I deal with that, so I know some of you will resonate with that today. I hope anyway. I hope you don't think I'm crazy. Even if I mean whatever. I also want to touch on the fact that I and I'm not bragging here. I want people to understand I'm not bragging, okay? It's far from it. Far from it. I I I'm trying to be, I'm trying to just kind of explain something that happened recently, and I'm like, I wonder if I wonder if somebody else needs this. And and and it's been heavy on me, so I'm like, I'm going to, I'm gonna share it. I have been so blessed with children that are just really well behaved, um, they are kind, they um, you know, they listen, just all the things. I mean, don't get me wrong, they are not perfect. They are not perfect, but if I if I had to rate them on a scale of one to ten, I'm gonna give them about a seven. They're they they do pretty great. And sometimes, and and this is just a conversation that I had with with a friend lately. She said, Your kids are just so well behaved. I don't, I don't get it. I don't get it. And I I I like sat back that night because I'm like, that was that's an honor for somebody to say that to me because she was like, I can't believe how well behaved your kids are. Like, it doesn't matter, you can bring them, they're well behaved. And I'm thinking, like, that's a blessing, and that was an honor that somebody said that to me. A big pat on the back to myself. Um, and what what happened to get us to where we are? Now, it wasn't it wasn't um I can't say it was it's all the parenting because that's it's that would be a lie to you guys. But I will say that 80% of it is the parenting. And I think where me and Mike have really gone, um, where we've done good at is the fact that we do not let them think that they are the center of this universe. And I think that's where some parents are going wrong. They are treating their children like they are the main important part of the whole dynamic of their family. And that can't happen. You have got to understand that at the end of this, the end of the parenting, I don't get me wrong, I I take this rule as a parent very seriously. But at the end of this, because there's gonna come a time where they have to go out and spread their own wings and and and they have to have families of their own, it who's gonna be left? Me and my husband. So, in the dynamics of things in this house, my children do know that they are very loved. They are very loved. And they're they know that mom and dad would go to the end of the earth for them, earth for them, not earth. But also they are not the center of it. They participate. Everybody in this family has a role. And some people let their children think that they are they they're at the top of it. They're at the top of of of who's in charge in this house. In our house, we've put God first. We've put God first. Then we let my husband. My husband is the one who we look to. I mean, I I I look for him. I don't panic about a lot of things, I don't worry about a lot of things. I really let him do all that, and that has been recent. Um, really getting into our faith. I've realized that that's supposed to be his role. Um, and he's supposed to cover this family, and he does a great job with it. And then it's our relationship and our children. And we give, we put love and we put time into everything in this house. When it comes to my husband, when it comes to our animals, when it comes to our kids, when it comes all of it. We put so much love and effort into it, but my kids understand their role. They understand their role. They understand that that because I I tell them, and I think it's very important to really just have have a relationship with your children where you can talk to them as if I'm we talk about things. My daughter will talk to me about things that I'm like so happy that she will talk to me about, and she has no shame, and she feels so comfortable. She will come and talk to me about things, and I'm I'm just so I feel so lucky. Like, I'm like, thank you so much. I did something right here. I did something right. She has she will come to me about the about girl things, about questions she has, about all the things. And I'm like, what a blessing. What a blessing. Talk to them. So many people are like, well, I I I don't know. Just talk to them. See where they're at. You can kind of feel it. You can kind of feel it out. Like, how are how what's on their minds? Is this a is this a conversation that needs to be had? Is there things that they are have been thinking about? Sometimes I just sit back and listen to them talk to their friends when their friends are over. I do. I sit back and I'm like, what you what y'all talking about over there? And I don't let them know, but then I kind of know the dynamics because they're gonna talk to their friends differently than they talk to mom and dad. And then I kind of like, oh, okay, we're at that stage now. Because you guys kind of know the stages where it's um, you know, well, my mom told me this. Well, now they understand because I've walked into conversations like that. My mom told me that there is no, mm-hmm. And I'm like, oh, well, you know, so just know that it's so important to just to know to observe. Sit back, don't just listen. You will learn so much about your children if you just sit back and listen. I'm telling you. Just just act like you're doing something else and listen. I've learned so much by that. I mean, there's things that might like the other day, my daughter, I don't know why she didn't tell me this, but I guess she, you know, the squishy craze thing going on right now. She accidentally broke somebody's squishy that was brand new. It was a carrot or something like that at work or at work at school. And um, so her friends are over and they're like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe you did that, you know. And she's like, You guys, like, you know, it like really upset her because she was like, I I didn't actually do it. Like everybody else did it, and then I got blamed for it, and because I was the last one that touched it, and da-da-da-da, whatever. And I'm I'm thinking, oh, okay, like she didn't even say anything to me, but then I I started to realize why she was so crabby that day, and it was because everybody was accusing her of breaking the squishy. Now I'm I literally that night, I'm like, girl, it's okay. You know, that's like a five-dollar squishy, like when they're back in stock. Now I don't know when that's gonna be, but it will you know, so just listen, just be observant. Um, and uh that's the best advice I can give is stop acting like your child, your children are running your house. They need to know their role. They have to know their role. And and and in case everybody's like, well, I don't understand what their role is, it's in the Bible. And if I went over it right now, we'd be here for a while. So just know it's in the Bible. And your children know, I I mean, go over it with them. Let them know their role. And you should, you should definitely. I always find it funny when people are like, I don't understand like how to deal with this or how to deal with that. You guys know that it's not, it's it's this isn't something that we're reinventing. Somebody's already been through this with their children before. Okay. So we need to, what do we need to do? We need to learn how to deal with it. And by learning how to deal with it, there are so many, there are so many avenues you can do that. You can do YouTube, you can go ahead and you can get a self-help book. There's books on everything, there's YouTubes on everything. People have dealt with this before. You have to put the effort in to learn how to deal with it. Because people have put remedies out there. People have said, hey, I've been through this before, and here's how I dealt with it. Here's what I did, here's the outcome. It's up to you to put the work in. You have to also be willing and able. Like you now there are, I'll be honest with you, there's been times in my life where I'm like, I don't understand why I'm feeling this way in my marriage, why I'm this, why I'm that. And what do I do? I normally find a book on it and read the book. And at night, instead of actually looking at my phone, I will read the book, and so I'm sleeping on that, and I'm learning, and so stop trying to reinvent the wheel, go out there and figure out what it is. That you that you need to do? What is going to help you be a better mom? What is going to help your children be better children? Because just like we need self-help, kids do too. Kids do too. And it's not where they're gonna go read a book. I mean, great, my daughter reads like chicken soup for the soul, and I think it really is helpful for her. Um, she loves them, but also I think that it's being around other children that are well behaved, making sure they're not hanging out. I mean, if they've got a friend that's a rebel and doing all the things, maybe you shouldn't allow them to stay the night at their house every weekend. Maybe you should limit their time together. Maybe it's just at school. Maybe you should um take iPad time away. And I know that's hard for a lot of people to hear. A lot of people, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's my time. And I get it. I get it. But maybe let's take it down to an hour. Let's maybe think about hey, maybe I should play a game with my kids instead of telling them go watch a movie or go get on your iPad. Maybe it is buying a chicken suit for the soul for your kids to read. Maybe it's reading it with them at the end of the night. Maybe it's telling, hey, 20 minutes. I'm I'm gonna put a timer on and I'm gonna let's read for 20 minutes together. Every night in our house, we have to read. It is a rule in our house. I don't care what you're reading. Right now, my daughter's reading her Bible, but she just came to me two days ago and was like, Mom, there's this book I really want to read. Will you order it? Sure. That is also another thing that we don't have. If you want a book, I'll buy you books all day. You uh I don't have, listen, she wants books, I'll I'll buy you all the books. Um, but it's just these little things that you can do to that will make a big difference in your family. So yeah. Can y'all hear that my husband's upstairs moving the things around? He's cleaning, he's cleaning. He's cleaning. Um, but yeah, I I don't really, you know, it's just sometimes people are they wonder why some of the things, I don't know why this, I don't know why that, and I I just don't know what to do. When honestly, sometimes all you have to do is take the time to figure it out. Get the book, watch the videos, reach out to people, reach out to somebody you know who's already done it, went through it. And I think that's also why it's really important to have a mentor. I think that's why it's also very important to have a mentor. Um, because sometimes people say things, and actually, me and my mom just had this conversation. Sometimes people will tell me things that were so obvious, but I didn't think to do it because I was set in my way of doing it. And then when somebody's like, Oh, well, did you do this? And I'm like, I didn't do that. Why wouldn't I have done that? Sometimes it's so important to just talk to somebody and be like, hey, like, here's what's going on, and it and just get some advice. Now it be careful who you get your advice from, okay? Be careful. You don't want to be going to get advice from somebody who listen. Just like you aren't gonna go get advice from somebody who um if if if on finance, when their their credit score is a 550 and they're negative in their bank account every week, okay. You're not you're not gonna go get financial advice from that person. So be mindful about who you're getting your advice from. Be mindful. Have that one person or two people that you know that you can trust, and that's um, I mean, you truly, I mean, know who they are. You know that they are good with your their finances, you know that they are, you know they're a trustworthy person. You know they want what's best for you, all the things. And if you don't have somebody like that in your life, I encourage you to find somebody. I encourage you to find somebody because I I think it's so important, so important to have a mentor, have a spiritual mentor and have just a somebody in your life that you can you can go to a lot what did they call them, a life mentor or something? I don't know, but have somebody like that in your life. I think it's very important. Um, yeah. So all right, you guys, today was a quick episode. I am so thankful that you joined me, and I have so much to do. Oh, but I always promise I'm gonna show up for you, so that's why I'm here. So so much to do, so little time, and it is Easter weekend. Um, it a lot of church events that we had this week, just all the things. So also, I'll leave you with this since it is holy week. I feel like I need to say this. Remember that he died on the cross for you and he loves you so much because a lot of people are like, oh, they don't understand what Easter is all about. He died on the cross for you and he resurrected on Easter um Sunday, and and and you have to understand that it was all for you. All for you. We should have been the one that was between the two sinners being crucified, but he took it, he did that for us, and he's such a loving God. And just remember that he already died for your sins. So please, please do not think that you have to earn it. You do not need to earn it. He already won. It's victory, has already been it. It is it is already written. He's won it all. He is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. So um just remember that. Going through life, you are going to have guilt, you're gonna have shame, you're gonna have this, and you're gonna have that. But he already died for all of that. He already died. You're worthy. He died for you, he loves you. You need to repent, you need to keep your eyes on him, and you need to follow him. Follow him. He says, follow him. Don't turn around, don't follow the world, follow him. The the the walk will be very narrow, but the outcome is heaven, an eternity with him, not just in heaven, knowing of God, but in heaven walking with God. He is with amongst us, and it's gonna be glorious, it'll be worth it. So just remember, he died on the cross for you, he loves you, and he carried his own cross up there for you. He carried it, he didn't have to do that. He could have just laid there and been like, I'm done, do it right here, do it right here. But he carried it all the way up there, and then allowed them to crucify him all so that we could live for eternity. So just remember that this Easter, and I love you guys so much, and I hope you have a blessed, blessed holiday. Bye guys.