Ep 41- Tired Beyond Sleep

This week on Messy But Motivated, we’re getting real about a kind of exhaustion that sleep can’t fix.

Because truthfully… most of us aren’t just physically tired. We’re mentally drained, emotionally stretched, and spiritually worn down.

We’re carrying things no one else can see—
 unspoken stress, silent battles, unanswered prayers, pressure to keep it all together.
 Invisible weights that pile up day after day until even the smallest tasks feel heavy.

In this episode, we talk about what it looks like to live under that kind of weight…
 and more importantly, how to start laying it down.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, numb, or just off lately—this conversation is for you.
You’re not alone in the heaviness… and you don’t have to carry it by yourself anymore.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Messy But Motivated. I am your host, Melinda. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. It's Friday. Oof, it's Friday. I don't know. So a lot of things with me have been, they've been going on. A lot of things have been going on. But let's let's baby step. Let's baby step, okay? Um, first things first, medical update. Um, I I did go to a specialist in Iowa City. Um, I did figure out what was wrong with me. I'm still on antibiotics, blase, blase. Um, and so yeah, I I'm I'm just healing. I think I have like four more days of my antibiotic um and just one step at a time. And they want me to start some therapy. I don't even really want to get into it. It's just girl things. Um, so yeah, just use your imagination and yeah, that's probably what's going on. Uh, our dog Cam, she's 10. I think I told you guys last time she was pretty sick. We figured out that she does have um, she we haven't been able to figure out. That's the thing. We've been going up and down and all around doing everything, tests, all this. And we're like, she's still panting like crazy, she doesn't want to eat, she's all these things. Um, we figured out that she is um she is diabetic, she's full-blown diabetic. So now she they had her started on insulin, she's wearing a monitor. So you guys can only imagine my life right now is um tracking my cat and tracking glucose monitors. It's it's a fun time. Never thought I would be here in my life, but here we are. But here we are. So I'm embracing every second of it. Um, it's it's a lot right now. I'm I'm like, what what's going on here? Like, I I don't I yeah, I don't even know what's going on half the time. The monitors will go off. I'm like, I I don't know. My cat went out of the fence, the virtual front fence. Um, and then my dog's blood sugar is going down. I'm shoving honey in her mouth. Like, it listen, it's a lot going on. And that's gonna tie in for our topic today because buckle up, baby. Another good thing, uh, our house did sell. Uh yeah, as of yesterday, it sold. Um, so yeah, we accepted an offer. Um, and I like I told you guys, I told God, I said, Hey God, here's our number. If you can hit the number, we're moving, and that means you want us to leave. Um, and we're on to where you need me. Um, because I do feel like I'm being called that way for ministry. I don't know why. I just feel like it, and I'm sure I'll figure it out once I get there. Um, but yeah, so and the transition happened actually pretty quickly. Um, it was like, okay, well, they accepted or they accepted our counter, and um now today's like a test for a radon and it's all moving really quick. Um, June 12th, we have to be out of this house and hopefully closing on our other house on June 12th as well, even though we don't have an accepted offer yet. We do verbally, but it's not on paper, so I don't count that. Um, this was just us talking to because it's a new build, so it's kind of like negotiating with the builder like, hey, we want this, we want that, um, and can you have it done by this day? And he says he can. Um, and we've negotiated on a price and the upgrades that we wanted. And so fingers crossed, but once again, we give it to God. Um, we'll figure out what happens. So um, if you guys can pray for that, I would greatly appreciate it because you guys can only imagine it's very stressful, but also um I am just being obedient. I feel like that's where God wants me. So that's where we're gonna go and we're just gonna figure it out on the way. School's going well. Mike has been working a lot lately. Um, he runs a grain silo, and so um he's like the big man in charge there, you know. And so he has to do there, they do trains every now and then. So whenever the trains come, they work round the clock, like 18-hour days. So he hasn't been home much. Um, and so a lot of everything's been on me lately, and um yeah, and so that's actually why I chose today's topic. Um, is because I'm I'm having to do school and all that, and me and my husband are both in ministry, so I'm helping him as well do his because you know he doesn't really have enough time to be studying and doing all that, so I'm pretty much like I I'm I'm yes, I'm doing it all right now, and that's why today's topic I have um uh just a simple question because it's it's something that my therapist said to me this week, and I was like, woo, it it put me back. And basically, it's she doesn't think I am physically tired, she thinks I am mentally and physically and emotionally tired. And I go, girl, you hit it, you hit it because I'm getting the sleep, I'm getting up, I'm doing the things. Um, but what I what is a challenge right now is life. Life is a challenge right now. Like we're moving, um, so we're doing the showings, we've got school, my husband's working all the time, the kids, like it's just like it's it's go, go, go. And yet I wake up in the morning and I'm like, oh, I got a good, you know, my ring was like, oh yeah, you slept great, but why am I still tired? I'm still sitting on the couch drinking my coffee, like, oh man, this is I'm exhausted. Like, we got to get this day going. And so um, I wanted to touch on that because if I'm feeling that way, you guys know that I love to share it because hey, free therapy, right? Free therapy, because I went through the hour session, you didn't have to, so buckle up, baby. So basically, she's saying if your sleep is not fixing it, if you are trying to figure it out and you're going to your doctor and you're like, I need meds for this, I need meds for that, I need this. What it is, is you need to take a step back and you need to say, Okay, am I tired? Like, am I physically tired? Am I physically tired? Like, have I gotten enough sleep? Like, which I I hope, like, if you're really on this journey with like wanting to figure out yourself and like really grow and do all that, I really hope that you are giving yourself some grace and going to bed at a decent hour. Your body needs sleep more than anything. It needs sleep, you guys. So I I pray that you you can find the time to just turn off the phone and go to sleep. I am guilty of it as well. I don't want to sit here and be like, I don't know. There are days I'm like scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and or editing and doing all this, and then I realize, oh my gosh, it's 11 o'clock at night, go to sleep. So I it's sleep is so important. Like some of the smartest people in the world, some of the most um, you know, the ones that we look up to who are are really like they they're just go go-getters in life, those people go to sleep at a decent hour. So we need to remember that sleep is important. We were made to sleep, we were made to rest. Our body rests, and then we are rejuvenated for the next day and for more to come. So we can't just expect our cup to go empty and then wake up the next morning, three hours of sleep, and just keep going because you're not filling your cup up. It's just think of it literally as a cup, you guys. If you go to sleep, um, you did everything all day. You were a mom, you were a wife, you were you were working, you were doing this, you were doing that. I mean, all the things, you have to remember that your glass is empty at the end of the night. And when you go to sleep, it starts to fill. Well, if you aren't getting eight, seven to eight hours of sleep, you guys, look what's happening. You're only getting that cup halfway up, and then you wonder why you're exhausted. You're exhausted because you're not getting enough sleep. But if you are getting enough sleep, this is where I was like, no, I am. I am getting enough sleep. So now what? Like, now what? Because I don't want to add a med. I don't want to do this, I don't want to drink four more cups of coffee a day. What is it that I can do? And she reminded me of the invisible weight that we carry. And I was like, wow. When she said it, you guys, I literally was like, okay, we all carry invisible weight, every one of us. And it's a lot heavier for some people than it is for others, okay? Overthinking. Did you know that's an invisible weight? Overthinking, that conversation that you had with her or the text message that you got back, overthinking is an invisible weight, which is crazy to me because I never thought of it that way. But it is, it's an invisible weight. Guilt, she says, guilt. If you have any kind of guilt, which I do every now and then, you guys, I have guilt, and it's not even of my past, even though that is an invisible weight as well. Um, your past can be an invisible weight that's on your shoulders. But my guilt is more with mom guilt. I I struggle with mom guilt so bad, and I really pray about it a lot because I feel like I can be better. I feel like I could be a better mom. I feel like I could be a better wife. And so that guilt, I know it's on my shoulders because all and it sucks because I I do work every day to get to be a better mother. I that's what I strive to be. Because if there's one thing in this world I want to be good at, it's being a good mom and being a good wife. Um, and and so every day I'm like, I try to put my best effort into it, and sometimes I don't hit the mark and I I hold that guilt. I'm like, oh my gosh, I should have done this. Oh my gosh, Chloe had this and then I forgot all about it. Oh, she asked me to do this and then I forgot. Like we are human beings and we're doing the best we can and we need to remember that. And she reminded me of that. Like that invisible weight of just being a mom and a wife is it's heavy. It is so heavy because we have that, like we have that, we're we're their people. And when you're somebody's people, you guys know if it like your kids, they who do they go to when they need things? Mom. Uh, your kid, your husband, where does he go when he needs something? You so it's just like you are that something for everybody, and it's heavy. So of course you're tired because not only are you holding your own things, you're also holding the things for others. You're remembering about the slip that needs needs to be signed for the field trip next week for the kids. You're remembering they need to take a sacked lunch for that. You're remembering that they need new shoes for soccer. You you're remembering that your husband needs to go to his doctor's appointment. You're remembering all the things. And not to mention, if you're one of those that pays all the bills, you're remembering that as well. And it's always in the back of your head. Even like I think of it like a computer screen. Um, it's you always have the tabs open. That's my dog's blood sugar. Give me a minute. Okay, sorry. Um, I'm back. Like I told you, blood sugars. Anyways, add on to that. That came at the perfect time. So, yeah, it's it's so much of everything that we carry. The vet visits, all of the things. And and I'm not here complaining because I think it's such a blessing. There are so many people out there right now that would just love to be in your shoes. They would love to have kids to care for, they would love to have a husband to care for, they would love to have, you know, all these things. So I I take it as yes, it's such a blessing, but we also have to remember that it's heavy and it's an invisible weight that we carry, and we have to, we have to be mindful of that. There's also a thing she's talked about called decision fatigue. And that is where we're always having to make decisions that we just don't even realize that we are doing. What's for dinner? Uh, do I have enough to go in the kids' lunches? Um, who's taking that kid to soccer practice tomorrow? Um, do all the things and we didn't realize that that that's that carries weight too. So, yes, yes, add that on top of the invisible weight. Uh add it all together, you guys, and and we're of course we're tired. Of course we're tired. You're wondering, I mean, think about the doctor's appointments, this, that. And if you have things in your life that's happening in your within your family, you also have those on you. So some of us carry it very, very flawlessly, and I envy those people. I'm like, how do you do it? They have so much going on in their lives, and they just do it with grace and they're okay with it, and all the things. And I'm like, uh, teach me all the things. Teach me all the things because there's one thing I'm not good at, and that is dealing with all the things, okay? And I've realized that lately because I'm like, I don't want more meds. I'm tired though, but I'm getting to sleep. What is going on? And and you know what? Just peeling it all back, and when she was like, hey, like this is why. I'm like, well, you just nailed it on the head. We have so much going on in our lives, and I'm over here thinking I need another med with or another cup of coffee, when in reality, it's just all these things like piling up, and no wonder. I'm everybody's go-to person. I'm mom, I'm the wife, I'm I'm a creator, I'm I'm I'm the editor, I'm all the things, I'm the house cleaner, I'm the person who makes dinner if dad's not home. Because listen, dad needs to be making dinner, okay? Because they like his better than mine. Um, and I'm the keeper. I'm the mom for all the dogs, the animals, the cats, the rabbit, all of it. So it's just really, you guys, I'm telling you, it is um, it is so important to just be mindful. Be mindful of it. You don't need another pill. What you need is to learn how to deal with it. That's what you need to you need to learn. You need to get the tools out of the toolbox and learn how to deal with it. And I'm right there with you. I promise you, I am right there with you because I am not, I'm learning this, but let's learn it together. Let's do it together. I'm willing to share everything that I'm learning because this is just a growth process. And that's the reason I have this podcast is I want to be able to share the wisdom that I'm getting because it is so important. It is so important to speak. If you have wisdom, speak it, share it. We're supposed to do that. The Bible says that. And we have to remember about the emotional struggle too, because emotional struggle is how I think of it when she was explaining it to me, is um putting a smile on when really you're drowning inside. And I think we all, I don't think there's many people who say they haven't done that because I I think that's what brought me to the Lord is I would put a smile on my face because I was everybody's go-to here, and I loved making people laugh, and I was just so like, ugh, but inside I was just I felt like I was deteriorating, and um, so that's an emotional struggle, is just remembering that it's hard, it's hard, and sometimes we put this everything's great attitude on, but in reality, you have to dig deep within yourself and say, is everything great? Take a step back. Is everything great? Is it because why am I feeling the way that I'm feeling right now? Is there something that I need to change? Is there something that I need to do? What is it? Because I can't live, obviously, the way that I'm living right now because everything feels heavy. But yet I know I need to be the mom, I know I need to be the wife, I know I need to be all the things, so what can I do? And that comes with equipping yourself with these tools because we already have the tools, guys. We already have the tools, it's just a matter of using them, learning how to use them because I know a lot of people ever since I got on this um journey, which I do have to say, you guys, uh side note May is um coming up really quick, and that means I've been uh sober for a year in May. Not even that, but I have been um I say sober, I haven't done any drugs in a year. And and I have been going to church for a year and I've been in my Bible for a year. So very exciting. Um, just wanted to share that though. I'm excited about it. Uh, very, very excited about it. So yes, God is so good. Um, but a spiritual exhaustion is is is real. And I have been through that within this last year like crazy. Um, I I'm always like, am I doing the right thing? Would God want me to do this? Is this a sin? Is this and it's so heavy? Oh, but I gotta go to church. What if I don't go to church? What if I don't go to uh worship night? What if I don't go to Z Kids tonight and teach? What if I, you know, and it's all these things that it's a lot of spiritual weight, okay? And feeling like conviction, oh man, that weighs down on me too. If if I'm like feel convicted about something, it feels so heavy on me for the whole day. And I literally I'm like, I have to figure something out. And finally, I did figure something out because I'm like, you can't live like this. Like, he doesn't want you to live worried and uh no, he is he is the God of love, he is the god of patience, kindness. He wants you to be able to rest in him and you're not resting in him. You are too paranoid if you're doing this right, if you're teaching your kids this, if you're not gonna show up to that. Like, he doesn't want that. So stop living like that. You want to live like him. Well, stop living like that. I realized I was carrying things that God never even wanted me to carry, things he never intended for me to carry. Never. He does, he doesn't want me to sit over here and think, is that a sin? Oh, is that is this that? No, he's like, I don't know if you understand this, but I understand you are a human. I understand that you are going to you are gonna sin. I I want you to know that you I died for your sins though. Have you accepted me into your life? Have you accepted me into your heart? Do you follow me? Yes, yes, and yes. Okay, well then stop thinking that you have to earn my love and stop thinking that you're not getting into the gates just because you didn't um you didn't do this or you did that and then you repented for it and all these things. Like stop thinking that because that's not it. I already died on the cross for you, and it's an insult for you to think that you have to earn your love in order to get into the gates. So I have to remind myself of that daily, daily during, and I I sit in with my Bible every morning, and it if I don't, I feel uneasy. Um, now I will tell you, I was feeling a little bit physically, emotionally, spiritually exhausted today. Um, got the kids off for school. Mike didn't get home till I think six o'clock this morning. So he went to bed, grabbed my Bible, and uh went and sat on the couch. And you guys know what? I sat there in silence, nothing around me, just me and my Bible for one hour. I read scripture for about five minutes, and then I just held on to my Bible and I just prayed and I for a whole hour. I just, I just mean it was just me and God for a whole hour. And it was great. It was what I needed for my soul because now I'm I'm good. I can get up. I have a meeting at one o'clock, I have these things going for expect inspections. Like I feel like my cup was refilled, and it wasn't from me sleeping all night last night. It was from sitting in silence with him and just letting him know everything that is on my plate right now and how I'm overwhelmed, how I'm nervous about this, this, that, and the other. But then he's I have this little reminder of him being like, I've done this for you before, especially with the houses I've bought. This will be our fifth house, I think we bought, and I've done it before, I'm gonna do it again. Like, stop stressing about that. Like, no matter what, you're always gonna have somewhere to live, you're always gonna be taken care of. Like, just know, enjoy the process because you already know the ending. You already know the ending. Everything will always work out, it always does. So just sitting in silence with him and giving him, like, hey, I'm feeling so much pressure with this glucose monitor on Cam. Like, I I I I feel like I'm the one, like, I don't, it's a lot, you know. Is is she okay? Like, should I should is this something where it's like she is she not comfortable? Like, I don't want her to live like this, like so many things on me, and all I did is I I prayed for wisdom. I was like, I pray for wisdom, like, and I did it again, and I got down on my knees in my closet, and I was praying over my dog in because her sugars, I could not get him under control, and you know what I did surrendered it to the Lord, and they started to go up. And I actually sent everybody in my group a text saying, Look at this. I literally just surrendered it to him and gave it to him, and the numbers started to go up. So praise God. Like, I think that was his little reminder to me. Give it to me. I uh you are in scripture all the time, you're in it for school, you're in it for all these things, but yet you're not doing what the scripture's telling you to do. Give me, give me all your burdens, cast your burdens onto me. I don't want you to live the way you're living right now. You're stressed, you're tired, you're exhausted, you're running on fumes. Stop. Stop, give it to me. And I needed that reminder. Like I needed that because it was like, okay, once I seen her sugar start to go up, I said, okay, this is a reminder. I'm sitting here and I'm getting the honey and I'm doing this. And don't get me wrong, obviously, I'm his hands and feet here, and I need to be doing those things to save her. But also, he's like, You've done all those things, you've done what you can do, Melinda. Now give it to me. Give it to me, and that's exactly what I did. And and things started to look up. And so some of you, I I know you have this whole because there's a few people in my life right now where they're struggling mentally, and it's not that they're not getting enough sleep, they feel like they can sleep for a long time, and I think a lot of it is there's so much that we're carrying you guys that you're not even realizing you're carrying. You're you're not even realizing it. You have got so much weight on you, and you have to figure out ways to make that weight a little bit lighter. And if it's spiritually, I I wholeheartedly tell you give it to God. Surround Surrender it to God. If it's if it's things in your past that you're still carrying, surrender it. Surrender it. If it is you are feeling like, you know what, I've tried, I've tried, and I'm the only one in my family that's turning to the Lord, give it to Him and live your life following Him, because that is the biggest testimony that you can give anybody around you that is not a follower of Him. Is the way that you're living your peace, your fruit, your kindness, your joy, your patience, all of it. All of it, you guys. That is the biggest testimony that you can give the non-believers. Because it's gonna come a time where they're gonna say, gosh, she's just a totally different person. That's crazy. She's not who she used to be. Something's gotta be here, you know, something. Um, so just remember that. Give it to him. And when it comes to all these little decisions, I was like, okay, but what about the whole thing? She's like, on did for dinner, you shouldn't be thinking about daily. Dinner should not be thought about daily. You should know at the beginning of the week what's gonna be for dinner. You need to write it down. Write it down. She's like, I don't care if you have a calendar on the fridge, whatever it is, that'll stop people from asking questions. What's for dinner? That's just another thing that you don't have to worry about. Write down what's for dinner. Write it down. Have the groceries already in the house. And in that taste, things we have to prepare for those things. Just like on Sabbath, people are like, well, well, you know, I still have to do this. Yes, you prepare for Sabbath. Sabbath has to be prepared for. I have to make sure all my work is done before I rest in Sabbath. I need to make sure that I'm preparing for that one day. I tell myself, you have six days of the work week. Get it all done. You need to do the meals, you need to do all the things, you need to do this, this, that, and the other. And then on that seventh day, you're gonna rest. You can do whatever you want. You can read a book, you can go outside, you can do whatever you want to do. But just remember, you have to prepare for it. You have to prepare for it. A lot of people are like, I have this, yes, I know, I do too. Everybody does. But you got to prepare. God had work to do too. He had a lot more to do, but he rested on that seventh day. You need to prepare yourself for that seventh day of rest. Um, so she even said, like having the kids' clothes set out the night before or for the week, um, having the the dinners all planned out, making sure that all the groceries are there's a list people can add to on the fridge, and you're not even having to worry about it. So when you do groceries, there's nothing gonna be missed because guess what? It's on there. Um, and sharing the burden, putting a calendar up that says, hey, this is field trip day. Um, you know, this is this, like having that shared, shared burden with your husband is also because you're a team, you guys have to remember that you're a team. Adam and Eve were a team, and that's why God created Eve is for him. So you have to remember you're a team, work as one. So the burden of me trying to get it all done, I I'm not the only one in this house. He also, he also is is here and he doesn't mind sharing the burdens. So I need to stop thinking I need to carry it all and give him some of it too. So you have to ask yourself this if you are already getting enough sleep, then you understand that it's it's emotionally, it's mentally, it's spiritually, it's all that. But if you aren't getting enough sleep, obviously it's physically. So just remember that, guys. Sorry about my dog barking right now. Um, I think the inspection people are here, might just let him in. Um, but just remember that we carry more than what we what we know. I mean, and we have to be mindful about that. And I think it's really important each of you sit down. Another thing she said is write it down, all on paper, because then it's no longer in your head, it's on paper. Um, put reminders on your phone for things like I need to give the dog the dog all the things right now. Put the reminders on. Stop thinking I need to have it all in my head, and then be like, oh, I gotta pick the kids up and then I gotta come home. I gotta give her insulin, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. Like, these are things that could be written down, put on reminders, um, planned out, like dinners planned out that week ahead, all these things. So if I can give you any advice, it's really just reevaluate yourself and understand is this really exhaustion from being tired, or is it exhaustion from being spiritually, emotionally, mentally tired? Because that is a thing, and I think it's really important that um we do a do a check-in on ourselves because if I'm feeling this way, I understand that there are so many of you out there that are feeling the same way, and um yeah, so all right, you guys, I love you so much. Uh, I will be back next week. I have so much to do. Um tomorrow's the Brandon Lake concert. I'm so excited. I'm gonna be worshiping. Actually, going to worship night tonight at my church because Lord knows my animals need it right now, or my Anna Mole needs it right now. So I'm gonna go um use that time to worship for her and for our transitioning into a new home and a new life in Florida. So I love you guys so much. Um, as always, stay blessed and thank you so much, so much for your support. Can't thank you enough. And I hope that this information today helped you because I know it's helped me a lot. Bye, guys.