Ep 42 - Stop Setting Yourself Up For Failure

This week on Messy but Motivated, I’m getting honest about something a lot of us don’t want to admit… sometimes we are the reason we feel like we’re failing.

We set goals that look good, sound good, and might even work for someone else—but deep down, we know they don’t actually fit us. Then when we don’t follow through, we beat ourselves up like we lacked discipline… when really, we lacked alignment.

Not everyone is called to the same rhythms. Some people thrive journaling every single day. Some don’t. Some people wake up at 5am ready to go. Some connect with God in the quiet moments later in the day. And that doesn’t make one better than the other.

God didn’t create a copy-and-paste version of you. He created you on purpose, with intention. So why are we trying to force ourselves into someone else’s routine?

In this episode, we’re talking about giving yourself permission to grow in a way that actually works for you—without guilt, without comparison, and without setting unrealistic expectations that lead to burnout.

Because maybe the goal isn’t to do it perfectly…
 maybe it’s to do it faithfully, in a way that’s sustainable for you.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Messy But Motivated. I am your host, Melinda. Welcome back, guys. Um, just you know, diving right in. How is everybody? I um am getting by. We have a bunch of inspections this week. The house did sell. I think I told you guys that last time. Um, all the things. So we are just moving right along. Um hopefully the move goes great. I think I'm going to start videoing like the whole journey of us like getting to Florida from Iowa and all that kind of stuff. So if you don't want to, you don't have to watch, but on TikTok, I am going to start recording all that stuff. So definitely go take a peek over there. Hopefully, I'll just do like three videos a week on it because it's it's I'm yeah, yeah, just it's gonna be pretty chaotic, but we're gonna get it done. I keep looking at as looking at it as like this huge mountain I've gotta climb. And once once I'm there and like settled, uh it's like going down the mountain, you know. So just a long, long haul ahead of us. Um, and I'm not slowing down like with all this other stuff too. Um, today I went and was doing, you know what I've noticed I'm doing a lot of guys lately? Consulting. I'm I'm I'm helping a lot of people lately um with their social medias and um just in general, like because I've kind of done the rough part of social media and I'm kind of like teaching others now, and it's kind of been fun, honestly. I kind of actually learned a little bit from myself because I'm like you know these things, but yet you still do other things, and it's because I'm kind of like, yeah, because whatever, whatever. But I know there are some people that just want to get they want to get their platforms up and going, and I know how to do that, but also I'm at that like coast right now. I'm coasting because I'm just like I don't it's not that I don't care, but I am just myself and I'm just kind of doing my thing. And um, if a video takes off, it takes off. If it doesn't, okay, so be it. So just kind of doing my own thing, focusing on my podcast, focusing on a lot of other things in life right now. Um, but yeah, so I've been doing that a lot lately, and it's actually been really fun. And I honestly love to help people because I didn't have anybody to help me in the beginning. I had nobody, nobody was teaching me. I was like watching YouTube's and trying to figure it all out, and now I'm that person for them, and I'm like, please lean on me. Like, I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. Uh if I wasn't okay with it, I wouldn't help. But um, you know, I did feel like my podcast kind of got big uh pretty quick, which was everybody told me it wouldn't be till like episode 200. And I think episode like 10, 11 is when I started really like getting a lot of downloads, and I was so excited. And yeah, it's all thanks to all of you. So thank you so much. It it does matter that you come back, um, put reminders on, all that kind of stuff. And in due time, um, this will probably be it for me. This will be like my thing, you know, just my podcast and my ministry. So that's the goal. Speaking of ministry, school is still chugging along, doing all the things, really just kind of relaxing lately because my health. Um I I'm still trying to figure that all out, guys. I'm still trying to figure it out. I don't I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. So just kind of focusing on all that. I found a big lump behind my ear, which was really weird. Um, and then I I keep finding lumps like all over my head, like all over my scalp, which is so weird to me. And they're all really tender. Um from what I'm looking up, it's like my body's fighting an infection of some sort, or I don't know. But we already knew that because this is my third antibiotic. So I I don't know what's happening, guys.

unknown 3:53

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

So we're just gonna we're just gonna keep doing what we're doing, which is just going with the flow, yeah, trusting God along the way. Because that's that's pretty much how I live my life right now. So uh yeah, but I've also been just kind of you know, I got to spend time with my sister and my my niece this weekend. We went and watched Brandon Lake, and man, it was just such an amazing thing to if you have the chance to go to I you know I even want to go to like Phil Wickham. Um, I there's so many that I want to go to because it's not even about going to see them because it's not it's not about them, you guys. It's about they wrote these songs, we're we're watching and we're worshiping with them, and it's such an honor to worship with them, and they just make it so personable. And just to see everybody praising the Lord, all it was honestly worth every penny. Um, my husband got me those tickets as a gift for me and my sister, and I just I felt so blessed that we got to take our girls to it. It was amazing. My daughter and my niece had never put their hands up while worshiping, and we seen them do it, and it was just such a beautiful thing to witness, all the people around us worshiping. Um, just it was it was like something that you really can't explain. It was just beautiful. So definitely if you have the chance, go do it. Um I can tell you, I never really got into worshiping until I realized the importance of it uh when I started seminary. I I was like, oh, worshiping is just us singing, okay, cool. And then I realized, oh no, it goes so much deeper than that. It goes so much deeper than that. And um, that would be a whole nother podcast episode. But if you ever ever think that it's just singing, you you were just like me, and I'm telling you, it's so much more than that. And it's so important to worship. Worshiping is not it's it's like us singing to the Lord, it's like us singing to him, and it fills our cup. How can we pour out to other people if we're not getting poured into? And during worship, that's exactly what we're doing. We're filling up our cup. And I I just completely it's worshiping has uh changed the way I I live, honestly. I I feel like if I'm not worshiping this this week, if I just didn't worship, I feel like my cup is not full. It yeah, of course, going to um my sermon on Sundays and all of that, and just being in my small group, yeah, those things fill my cup, but what ultimately is like the cherry on top is worshiping. And once you just put that into your daily routine, it changes everything. Um, I put on worship music while I'm, you know, cleaning the house, while I'm driving in the car, all the things, and it's just made such a big difference in my life. So I hope that if you're somebody who's on the fence kind of like I was, I was just like, oh my gosh, I don't know about this. This is like the part of church I don't like. Um, I hope that you can really just realize that there's so much more to it than just singing. It's it's like telling the Lord, hey, it's a surrender to him. When you throw your hands in the in the air, you're surrendering to him and letting him know, like, I live for you. Like I live for you. Like none of this down here matters. You are what matters. So I hope that if anybody was on the fence, yeah, you really do start to take it seriously because it will change your life completely. And the topic we're talking about today is something that you know I love, you know, I love talking about things that are affecting me. Because if it's affecting me, it's you maybe gone through it, maybe you're going through it, or maybe you're gonna go through it, or maybe you are in this right now and you're not realizing it, and this is gonna be a slap in the face. Not really, but you know what I mean. I want to first tell you what I have been struggling with because everybody has a struggle. Everybody, and you know what? I admit all the time I'm messy. Oh, I'm messy. I have a type B, I'm type B, my husband's type A. Like we are. Listen, I mean, I 100% believe that the Lord created me for my husband and my husband for me because we balance each other out. And one thing that I struggle with, oh, I struggle with it, is is there are times during the month that I'm like goal getter. Like, I'm gonna go do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna make videos every week, I'm or every day, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, and then I do it for about a week and then it's done. I journal because I'm like, I'm gonna start journaling and then I do it for a week and it's done. I'm going to um start doing a nightly routine, I do it for a week and then it's done. And I've always, I'm gonna use an example of what I had had really said to myself, and I realized I was setting myself up for failure because that's not who I am. I'm not Melinda is not the type of person that she's gonna do this like this every day. And me saying it and putting it out into into the universe and and bringing it out so everybody can hear it. I was putting so much guilt on my shoulders when I wasn't doing it. When I would stop, the guilt was just piling up because I was like, oh, I said I was gonna post that every day. I said I was gonna do this every day, and I wasn't. One thing is the devotionals on my Facebook. I like devotionals, I like reading devotionals. So it's like, oh, I'm gonna post the devotionals every day. I'm gonna do a little one. Um, there's a platform that in seminary we use, and so I can pretty much put in like, hey, I like this verse, make me a um devotional based on this, or these two verses, or you know, whatever. And it will give us ideas of how we can come up with a devotional. And I had been doing that, and then it got to the point where it was just like, I don't really enjoy doing this anymore. Like now it's like a job and it's it's just kind of like ugh. Well, what do you love doing? Well, I don't like doing that, and then we were doing like this healing thing. Like, if you were a subscriber, it was like $1.99 a month. You can you can do go on this healing thing. I made it to five weeks and then I stopped, and it was supposed to be 15 weeks. And I sat with God and I'm like, God, I'm failing people. I'm failing people because I should be doing these devotionals every day. I should be showing up for these subscribers every day and doing this healing thing. And and God sat with me in that moment, and at first I was getting nothing. I was getting nothing. I was sitting there like, hello, anybody there? And it took a little bit, and then I heard you're giving yourself expectations you'll never meet. I didn't make you to be like that. I didn't make you to be the person that's going to post every day. I didn't make you the person that's gonna put a devotional out every day. You are putting stuff on yourself that you didn't need to. I didn't tell you to do those things, Melinda. I didn't tell you to do that. People like you because of you. They like you because you're relatable. They like you because you are type B. So it's okay to stay a type B. Stop telling them you're gonna post every day. Stop telling them that you're going to do a healing thing every day. Stop telling them you're gonna do a devotional every day. Because that's not what I said that you needed to do. What I need, what I want you to do and what I need you to do is just show up for yourself and show people your transformation. Because you are transforming. I am building you, I'm creating you, I'm molding you like clay right now. And I want you to show these people what I'm doing to you. Because if I can do it to you, the girl that was completely broken, the girl that was relying on drugs, the girl that relied on alcohol, the girl who had been sexually assaulted, the girl who grew up not in the best household, the girl who had daddy issues, the girl who had all the things. If I, if I can show everybody that I'm I'm fixing that girl and how far she's come, I am gonna change so many lives. So, what I need you to do is just show them. Show them what is changing in your life. Show them how I'm working in your life. Stop thinking that you need to give people something. You're already giving them what they need. You're giving the people that I need you to give the stuff that they need. You're giving it to them. So stop setting yourself up for these expectations that you're never gonna meet. And I was like, oh, oh, okay, all right. I get it. I get it. I have to stop doing that. I have to stop thinking that I need to give you guys a devotional every day. There's other people that can give you devotionals every day that are the type A that are love to do that every day. There's people every day that will that will show up for you on social media and do a live for you every day. But that's not Melinda. Melinda doesn't want to get on live every day. Melinda has seminary still. I'm still trying to eat the scroll. I'm still, he's, he's working on me every day. And he's like, I can't continue to work on you and give, give everything to you that you keep asking because you keep saying, give me, feed me, give me the scroll, make me eat that scroll, make me, you know, help me, just mold me. And I can't do that, Melinda, if you are wanting to give everybody else things and not worry about what you're doing. So just let them see how how I'm shaping you and how I'm transforming you, and the rest will come in due time. In due time. So that's what I did. I stopped doing my devotionals. I told everybody I'm sorry as a subscriber. If you subscribe for $1.99, we were on week five. Said, you know what? Um, what can I do for them? What can I do for them? And I prayed on it. What can I do for them? Because let let's be honest. I want it to be personal. This is this is 2026, and this is a ministry online that I'm running, and I want to give them something. What can I give them? And what I think I could give is the check-ins. Um, I was like, all right, I'm gonna start this thing where basically, if you subscribe, it's a check-in. It's where, because you guys have to imagine, I don't get to see all the comments. I don't with all the posts. Like you have to understand, I'm getting so many comments, so many messages. It's hard to keep up with all of that. But what I can do is if there's a subscriber, yes, unfortunately, it is $1.99 a month. And I wish I could just give everybody but back their money, but that's like the lowest it'll go for a subscribe. So I can, when they comment, I see every comment because they're subscribers. So then I can go because it'll it'll it boosts those up. So then I can go and I can pray for them. So I put this week, I'm like, what can I pray for? And I stopped for every one of those and I prayed. Um, I'm blessed enough to have this program that our seminary gives us where I can put in each prayer and I can schedule the prayers. So if there's too many prayers, it's so great because at the end of the night, I look at my prayer list for that day and I know exactly what I'm gonna pray for. Um, I know that sounds crazy because people are like, what do you mean? You have to write down your but there's so much that I'm praying for. Um, I pray for non-believers every day, but it's not just non-believers in general. It's I have a list of non-believers that I pray for because I I wholeheartedly believe that prayer is prayer works and it's amazing, and it it makes a difference, it's so powerful, and I I have to go check on my cat. Okay, I'm back. Sorry, my cat just screams when he thinks I'm not home. I had to show him I was home. I'm just downstairs. Sorry. It sounded like somebody was getting murdered. Anywho, um, I don't even know where I was just now. I think we were talking about um, oh yeah, just being able to pray for each person that comments and needs me to pray for them. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. And I I we're gonna see how it works. I'm just going to once a week have to say, hey, how can I pray for you? And then go look at that post and it'll alert me when subscribers um comment on it. So instead of me setting this expectation with, oh, I'm gonna post every day, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that. I I those are expectations that I'm never going to meet. I'm always gonna miss the mark because that's not me. That's not my personality. My personality doesn't want to have something in the back of my in the back of my brain saying, Melinda, you have to do this every day. You have to make sure before you go to bed you post this, you have to make sure my brain cannot operate like that. It is too stressful. It's it's all the things I get too stressed having to give my animal its meds right now every day. Like that stresses me out. Like I it's always on me, it's heavy, and I don't want to feel like that with my content because then I'm making it something that's not authentic. I'm making it something that's like a job and like I don't want to do. I'm making it like I have to show up and do this, or else, or else I'm and I don't feel like I don't want to feel like that anymore. So I encourage some of you to do the same. I have not only just done that with content, I have done that with a lot of things in my life lately. Melinda, if you hate doing laundry so much, why are you doing, you say, I'm gonna do two loads a day, and then you don't do the two loads a day, and now you're mad at yourself and now you feel like a failure. When really you hate doing laundry, why are we doing that? Why don't you choose one day, maybe two days, maybe do two loads on Monday, two loads on Friday? Set an expectation that you can hit versus something that you're not gonna hit, and then you're gonna have guilt. Because what I was doing is I was setting myself up for failure. And some of us, yes, some people are really good at doing daily things. Oh, they're so good at it. But it's just like a workout. Think about this. Have any of you ever done a workout where you're like so gun home in the beginning, you're like, oh, I'm gonna go work out, and then you do it for like a week, and then afterwards you're just like you missed that two days because maybe something came up, or maybe you just weren't feeling good. And now, oh, you missed the two days, so I might as well just forget the rest. We set ourselves up for failure. We need to stop putting our deadlines as I have to do this on um every day. Instead, why don't we tell ourselves, hey, you know what? Maybe three times this week, I'm gonna go for a mile walk. Maybe twice this week, I'm going to lift. Uh, and then have that in your head. Like, it doesn't matter what the two days are. It doesn't matter what the three days are that you're gonna walk, but you're gonna do it instead of saying I'm gonna do this every day. I've noticed it works so good for me because I I would have this guilt even about cooking. I was like, oh, I didn't cook. Instead, I went and got a rotisserie chicken with and made some corn, and and that's what they had for dinner. And I would have this guilt on me, like, Melinda, that is so like really you're you're make them dinner. But then it's like, okay, Melinda, why don't you make dinner twice a week? Mike would do twice a week. So there's four days. There's four days, and then that other day you're having pizza, and then on the weekends, we all kind of just decide what we're gonna do. And it's kind of like always on a whim. So have that expectation, expectation versus I've gotta be the one that cooks every day. I've got to be the one that does the laundry every day. I've got to be the one who does this every day. That's you're setting yourself up for failure. There is something in our life, my life right now that that I had to prey on a lot. I had to pray on a lot because I felt and I still feel, which I think we're gonna pick it back up. I don't know really preying on it right now. Life's kind of hectic. But me and my sister had started a podcast, um, a Bible study podcast, and it was going great until it wasn't. It became a job. It became, we're trying to balance both of our lives, um, her life, my life, and trying to figure it all out. And I was trying to put all my concentration on this podcast because this is my baby, and and my platforms, because I have to remember all in all that the Lord gifted me those platforms and I need to use them. And I have to remember that I have to use my platforms to spread the gospel, and I don't know what ways that is, but every day I'm trying something different. Um, I'm I'm being myself, I'm maybe just showing you guys me reading the Bible. I don't know. I'm I'm trying different things, and I know I pray on it so much that God just puts my content in front of the people that need it. And I know He does it, it's been proven. I mean, on one of my platforms, it said six million views. Did I get six million likes? I didn't. I didn't get six million likes. I think maybe um a million at that on that platform for that month, but six million people saw that video, which means that is something it it was a seed that was planted in six million people's lives because they just saw me do something. And I just it it's it's one of those things where I looked at. Man, Melinda, you didn't do the devotionals every day. You didn't do this every day. But in reality, I was still winning. Behind the scenes, I was still winning. Because I was planting seeds everywhere with all the other content that people were seeing. So I'm I was letting the letting Satan creep in is what I was doing. Because in my thing, it was just like the workout. Well, I don't want to do it anymore because I already gave up. I already got set back. When in reality, no, I needed to keep going. And I do, I do, I keep going. But I just need to keep telling myself, hey, these wins matter. Just because you're not wanting to do devotionals, just because you're not wanting to do a healing thing, that's not what you like. Stay in your lane. What do you like, Melinda? What do you like? Oh, you like posting videos, you like teaching scripture, you like doing this. Stay in that lane. There's other people out there that like doing those other things. Let them do it. Let them do it. Stop thinking that you need to swerve into that lane and then and then you get burnt out because you're like, I don't want to do that anymore. So don't do it. Don't do it. And some of you need to hear that right now. Some of you put these expectations on yourself where you're like, I'm going and I'm just going to use something as basic as going to a small group. I'm going to go to a small group. And then you miss two sessions of the small group, two weeks in a row, and you're like, oh, might as well not go because now blah, blah, blah. No. Stop. Maybe tell yourself you're going to go to your small group twice a month. Stop telling yourself you're going to do it every week. Is it important to go to a small group? It is. It's changed my life completely. But don't put expectations on yourself you're not going to meet. We are so hard on ourselves. So hard on ourselves. And I can't even say that I got that from my mom or my dad because I don't think I ever saw them be hard on themselves. I I think that maybe some of that came from the military because they always wanted the best of the best. You weren't allowed to, I mean, you were, you could do it. But then your career in the military is not going to be good because they know you as that person. And you're never, it's never, you can never make that self that up. You know, when reenlistment comes, people aren't going to want to re-enlist you. Um, when when awards come, nobody's going to nominate you. So you always had to be something. You had to be the best. And I think that's where me and Mike, we have that in us that we have to keep being the best. We have to show up. We have to do this. We have to do that. And in reality, we need to sit down and say, what am I good at? What am I good at? What can I do that's not going to put the stress on me later? That I'm that I'm going to have that guilt of, man, I didn't do that this week. I did, I only worked out twice this week. Maybe my goal was you only needed to work out twice this week. And maybe once we hit that goal for a month or two, maybe, oh, now I'm going to add in another day because I already proved I can do it twice. So, and maybe just go over. Maybe you do the two. Maybe you tell yourself I'm going to do it twice. And really, you did it four times. So I I see it so much in myself, and I know if I'm dealing with it, so many of you are dealing with it. And this is within the last two weeks, guys, that I've I've sat down and really evaluated what am what can I do? What can I do so that I don't feel this this guilt, this pressure, this, this, this thing. What can I do? And this is these are the tools that I I've told myself, stop, stop doing this, that, and the other. Stop. You stop, Melinda. You need to just be you. Do what works for you. I he he did not create me to follow somebody else's game plan. He didn't do that. He created Melinda uniquely in the womb. This is Melinda's way of doing things. Okay, so Melinda's not gonna post four times a day. Melinda's not gonna post uh three times a week on lives. Melinda's not gonna do that because Melinda is Melinda. Melinda doesn't need to compare herself to these other content creators that are doing lives every day or doing this or doing that. Melinda doesn't need to do that. Yes, that mom over there, you see her saying that she's making dinner every day. That's fine. That's what she likes to do, maybe. Maybe that's her thing. Maybe she loves to cook. I have a girl in my small group who she loves cooking. That's her love language. We have somebody in there that loves baking. I hate baking and I hate cooking. Two of the things I hate doing. So why would I compare myself to them and say, oh, well, I'm I'm, you know, that's just not. No, that's not who I am. But you ask me to do something that I love to do. I love posting content. I love posting content. I don't like lives. So why am I doing them all the time? Well, now I'm not, but I was doing them all the time because I thought that that's what I had to do. But if that's something that I don't like to do, why am I doing it? Because somebody said that we're supposed to be doing lives. You're a content creator. You should be no, that's not Melinda's plan. Melinda's plan is I'm going to put my I'm I'm gonna put myself out there. I'm very vulnerable with everybody. I show you guys the inside, the outside, the ups, the downs, the all arounds. And we get along because of that. Because I show you who I am and show you the messy parts and and how I'm going through it. Guys, I'm I'm in therapy. I meet with my pet. I met with my pastor twice this week. You have got to understand that you are you. You are not that person who's on social media and she's got the aesthetic background. I always thought aesthetic, she's got all the lighting, she's got this, she's got that, she's doing, she's winning, and all what you see is she's winning. But you don't know what's behind that. You don't know if at night she's completely just just burnt out. I'm not gonna give you the fake Melinda. We did that. We tried that. That Melinda was broken. That Melinda couldn't, that Melinda, I don't, I don't know her anymore. And I refuse to give that Melinda to you. So this is the Melinda you're gonna get. You are gonna get a podcast once a week. I know I can show up for you like that. I know I can I can give you a podcast every week. I know I can make videos on social media for you because I enjoy them. I like to learn things and then teach you because it helps me retain the information. If I read it in seminary and I'm learning it in seminary and I'm writing an essay on it, then yes, I want to teach you because it helps me. So I'm gonna keep showing up like that. I don't like devotionals. I'm not gonna give you a devotional. I don't like lives. It's gonna be rare occasions I go on lives. I but what I love to do, I'm gonna keep showing up for. Because that's how that is how God created Melinda. And I hope you look at yourself today and you say, why do I keep doing the things that I don't like doing? I need to be me. What do I like doing? I hate laundry, but I know it needs to get done. What can I do? I have a friend, she hates laundry. Oh, she hates it. And and I I kind of envy her for this because we don't have it around here. We do not have this. But she, where she lives, they have they pick up her laundry on Monday and bring it back on Tuesday night. And and I think it's like six dollars a load. I said, please bring it. I would pay $12 a load. I hate laundry. All she has to do is put it away. And not to mention, you guys, there are people out there, especially if you're in a church, I just want to let you know because my grandma before she passed away, her plan, because she she was just grandma was grandma was simple. She just wanted to hang out with her grandkids, drink a course light, you know, talk, we laugh, back patio. Grandma loved the back patio. Well, when I was moving to closer to her because I wanted to be around my family, um, you know, I wanted to be with my grandma. I love oh, me and my grandma were so close. And I was buying a house that had a really back, a big back patio. And I was so excited that grandma was gonna come over. But grandma and me had a plan that grandma was gonna come do my laundry once a week. And she was excited about it, guys. She was, I told her, I said, Grandma, I'll pay you to do my laundry. She was excited because grandma worked at the golf course, and she, you know, that's what she did. And she made just a little, she made her tips, but she did good. So I had said, Grandma, I'm gonna pay you to do my laundry. Um, I we really we just wanted to hang out. That's it. That we wanted to be able to sit on the back porch and drink our course lights together and laugh together. Um, and we didn't get there, we didn't get there. We grandma passed away before um I I even closed on the house. And um, so I didn't get that. And I just want you to know there's people out there that would just love, even the older generation, they would love to do your laundry. They would because it's not just them doing the laundry. Yes, they might be making a little bit of a payment, but also they need conversation too. My grandma and me just love to talk. My goal when we get to our new place is I want to find somebody that just wants to come do the laundry and we can talk and and bond and have a friendship, but it's something she enjoys because I have friends that love to do laundry, and I'm like, what do you mean? Oh, I love it, I love it. I'll come to your laundry, and I'm like, that's crazy. So I'm praying. I find somebody, I'm gonna keep praying on it. That I find somebody that loves to do laundry and we become friends, and they come do my laundry. I pay them, we we have a conversation, we have a great bond together, and that that's that. That's my that is because why do something that I hate? Just like cleaning, me and Mike hate cleaning. We hate it, we hate cleaning. So we had hired Michaela. Michaela does all of our cleaning, and me and Michaela have a relationship. Um, I've seen her grow. She just started her her company when I moved here in 2020. And and I was one of her first people that she started cleaning for. Now we've been to, I think this is our fourth different house or third or so. I don't even know what house we're on right now. But she's come with me each time. And it's one of those things where I've seen her just blossom in this, and I value her more as a friend and as family than I do as her cleaning my house. She likes to clean. Sure, girl, clean my house. I'll pay you. I'll pay you to clean my house. I don't like cleaning. Sure, I'll pay you. I'll pay you to clean. Um, and I also want to say, because some of you are probably like, I can't afford that. I can't afford that. I want to tell you something else that you can easily do. Is there something that you like to do? Do you like doing landscape? Do you like planting gardens? Do you like um I don't know what it is? For instance, there are things that I love doing, such as um I love editing. I love editing videos. So for instance, if I like to edit and somebody's like, I hate editing, but what I do love is I like uh scheduling all of the content or I like to do laundry. I like to do this. Can we exchange things? Can we exchange? Girl, I will do your editing on your on your content if you do this for me. And that's all it is. It's not even about money. It's hey, if you clean my house, I'll do your laundry because I'm I don't mind laundry. But if you clean, I'll do your laundry. Make agreements with people. We are you have to understand back back in the in in in the older days, they were a village. It was a community. We all helped each other. One person did the farming, one person did the making of the bread, one person did the schooling, and one, it was a community. And we have to remember that in the church. Why aren't we all getting together and saying, what do you like to do? And that's why small groups are important. I can look at Lainey and she loves cooking. So on a night that I'm completely stressed, maybe I tell Lainey, hey, Lainey, is there any way that you can cook for my family once a week? Because that takes the burden off me. That is something that she would love to do. She would love it. She would, oh my gosh, I'll drop it off by 6 p.m. Uh yes, absolutely. Okay, what do you need from me? What do you need from me? And and and oh, you need a babysitter so you and your husband can go out and have a good night? Please bring your kids over. Please. I am here. Aunt Mo to the rescue. Aunt Mo to the rescue, but we need to talk. And with that comes small groups so that you can communicate with each other and say, hey, I hate doing that. I what do you want? Girl, I'll do that for you if you come to my house and do that. I hate cleaning my house. Oh, you like to you love to clean and organize? Girl, you love organizing. My drawers are a mess. If you organize, I bake cakes. You need a cake, you need cupcakes for a birthday that's coming up. I got you. It's all about having that village where you can say, I'm good at this, I'm good at this. Let's exchange. So I know one day I'm gonna have that, that in like right now. Obviously, I have that here. I and I can easily, if I called right now, if I texted anybody in my small group, I I love them so much. We are like sisters. Um, and they know Melinda. They know Melinda. They are like Melinda is they know Melinda's heart. They know me. And it's it's beautiful. Um, and that's one of the hardest things of us leaving here is I'm leaving sisters, is what I'm leaving. I'm leaving sisters. We laugh together, we cry together, we pray together, we I tell them some of the things I I can't tell anybody because I I feel stupid saying it. Um, they know we've healed together. We've healed together. We've literally sat there and said, this is what I'm struggling with. And we're we sit there and we pray together and and and we say, you know what? Um this right here is what matters. Let's let's block out the outside noise right now. Nobody's really looking at their phones. It's it's such a beautiful thing. And if I can encourage you to find your people like that, please do. It'll change your life. I it feel there is something in me. One day I I was crying in the shower, and I I don't even know. I think it was emotional as my period or something. I'm crying in the shower because I I had this this it was anxiety. God, what if you took Mike from me? What if? Because I'm still gonna love you, I'm still going to worship you, I'm still going to understand that you have a plan for me, but what if you took him from me? What if you took my children from me? What if? What if? And you know what came to my mind instantly, and I think I've told you guys this before. I think this story, I think I've told you guys this story before. The the the thing that came into my mind is he says, I've got people for you, and I've created this community so that you will never fall. You will never fall. They are going to hold you up. That's why I put you where you are right now. Those women, the community that you have, they will never, they will sit with you. You will cry, you will go through pain, you will go through heartache, but I promise you, you will never do it alone. You will never do it alone. Those those women and that community you have is going to be with you because they are the hands and feet for me. So just know there are gonna be hard times in your life, Melinda. It is going to be hard. I did not promise you things were gonna be easy, but I promise you, my my people will show up for you. So that right there, I was just I bawled. I bawled in the shower and I came out to tell my husband. I said, I was just in the shower and I'm like bawling, and it makes me tear right now. I was in the shower and I I had this, what if I lose you moment. And God said, God said, it's okay. I look at the people I've given you. Look at look at this. Look at what you have. You will never be alone. Look at the mother you have. I didn't give you the best father, but look at the mother you have who will just come to your house. Yesterday she came to my house just to hug me. She just came to hug me because I needed a hug. That's who he put in my life. My sister, she literally just sends me text messages about how much she loves me. He's like, I've given you these people, they love you so much. You will never go through anything alone. Ever. Ever. So please remember that. And I'm like, yeah, you're right. You're right. I'm always gonna be okay. If he took everything from me, just like Job, he if he took everything, I'm still gonna be okay. Because I've got I I know I've got my faith, I know I've got my family, and I know I've got my my community, and we're always gonna be there for each other. I'm sorry, this totally went a whole different direction, didn't it? I went down a rival, but I'm sorry guys, I it's just it's important. Community's important, it's so important. I love my community, and I know God has another one waiting for me in Florida. Um, but I'm never gonna lose contact with this one. I want them, I I I I hope that every time I come back, we we all get together and oh man, I I'm gonna make sure to come back and get in the group and just oh I just love them. I just love them. They're all like my sisters, and I barely know, I barely know some of them because they're new. And I I still feel like we're just inviting them in and they're we're like here, putting our arm around them, like we're here for you. What do you need? Right now, if one of the girls who are newer just texted and said, Hey, I really need somebody right now, I'd be there in a second. Wouldn't even question it. Wouldn't even question it. I don't know you very well, but guess what? I'm the hands and feet for Jesus. Uh uh sure. What do you need? I'm here for you. So all right, guys, that's all I have for you this week. Um, not trying to get emotional because I could just start crying. Um, I got the chilies, I got the goosebumpies. So yeah, I love you guys. Thank you for showing up. Um, I I I'm here. Things might always look a little different, but hey, isn't this called messy but motivated? Because I am messy, but I promise you, I'm always gonna be motivated. Always. And even when I'm unmotivated, I tell you. I tell you, remember that time we were going through that slump? I was under a spiritual warfare and man, it was hard. Um, but yeah, God is good. God is good, God has carried me, my my community's carried me, and um I love you guys so much. I love you guys so much. I know I say that. My sister says, You say that too much. No, I don't think I say it enough. I love you guys because this podcast would not be what it is today without you guys. I could just be sitting here talking to my mom and my sister and my husband who who listens to my podcast. But I have people who I I can walk in. I went into a restaurant one day and somebody was like, Oh my god, I listened to your podcast. And I'm like, what a blessing. It's not about me, it's about my growth and and me showing you how how the Lord's transforming me. And it's so beautiful. It is so beautiful. Oh, and I just don't know where I'm gonna be a year from now. I don't know where I'm gonna be 10 years from now, but I do know that this podcast is still gonna be here. It might be bigger and better, but I love you guys. Thank you for everything. God bless.