Ep 49 - When Grief Hits All At Once

This week on Messy But Motivated, my sister-in-law Kimberly joins me for one of the most honest conversations we’ve had. She opens up about walking through unimaginable loss—the deaths of her mother and brother, while also navigating our father’s mental illness.

Instead of allowing grief to define her, Kimberly shares how leaning into her faith in Jesus gave her the strength to keep moving forward. We talk about heartbreak, unanswered questions, finding hope in the darkest seasons, and what it looks like to trust God when life doesn’t make sense.

If you’ve ever wondered how to keep your faith through suffering, this episode is for you.

During this episode, I also share how you can help grow the Messy But Motivated podcast. If these conversations have encouraged you, consider supporting us through my Buy Me a Coffee page.

buymeacoffee.com/Mrsmotivated2025

 Every donation helps us improve the podcast and continue providing Bibles to people who can’t afford one.

Thank you for listening, sharing, and being part of this community. Your support truly makes a difference.

Follow Kimberly on TikTok:

@rootedtraveler 

Thanks for being a listener, stay blessed friends. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of Messy But Motivated. I am your host, Melinda. Thank you so much for joining me again this week. You guys are amazing. What, 2,500 downloads in the last 30 days? What is happening? I don't know. Um, if you are here and you can see what's happening, I have my sister-in-law Kimberly with me.

unknown 0:19

Woo!

SPEAKER_00 0:20

And the crowd goes wild.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Uh you'll understand why I have Kimberly here. First off, we've been on vacation together. My whole family has been here for what? You guys have been here like a week. 10 days. 10 days. What? Um, yes. And you guys are wait, let's reverse. Y'all are probably wondering, Melinda, it is Tuesday. Why am I just now getting this podcast? Okay. Yesterday, uh, this is TMI. So if there's men on here that are like, okay, fast forward the 30 seconds or whatever it is. Um, I had had the worst UTI. It hit me at like 10 o'clock at night. I door-dashed some meds in, got it here about 2 a.m. Y'all, I was miserable yesterday. So I'm on meds now. So if you see me sweating, I hope you're just listening and not seeing this because I'm sweating a lot from the medicine. But anywho, so this is why you're getting it on Tuesday. Better late than never, though. Yeah. Better late than never. So um I did still like I I don't know, I just rested all day and I actually found it to be funny because I think that was God's way of saying, shut up and sit down and go to sleep. Because I was just, I just, we've been going. You never Sabbath. Yeah. Yeah. So he he made sure I did it and it was great. Okay, so um, yes, my family has been here. It has been a lot of fun, a lot of kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Yeah. How many are there?

unknown 1:44

There's just a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

There's a lot. I'm not used to it. Yeah. Seven. I think there's seven right now. Oh, lots of kids.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

Um, but we're doing we've we've made it happen. We haven't really done much because Mike's sister has three kids, and it's a lot to get them out and doing things. So we're kind of just like enjoying each other's company at home. We have made it to the beach. Well, they attempted yesterday while I was laid up, and we didn't realize there was a tropical storm.

SPEAKER_00 2:11

Yeah, I mean, for some reason when I come to Florida, it's just like, let's have a tropical storm every day. Yeah, yeah. Every storm.

SPEAKER_01 2:18

So yeah, that's uh it is what it is though. So we're still having a good time, I think, today. She's like, we're gonna set up the pack the pack and play. I'm at the slip and slide. Yes. We're gonna do pack and play. I'm about to put all them in a pack and play.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

We'll go drop them off at the fire stations. Listen, we need a break. Oh man. Um, but yes, so we're just enjoying our time together. They're going back to Maryland tomorrow, um, and then life will kind of be back to normal. And I just realized with all of them being here, and it was such a blessing, um, what I need to do for company. I need to uh there's a lot of things I need to do. I need to alter. But we've only been here a month, so give me some grace, okay?

SPEAKER_00 2:57

I think you did great. Give me some grace. Everything's great.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Well, I feel like you don't even have a spare bed. Like, I don't have a spare bed. Like, I've been having like her, I have like these futon cushions that I got for company. And I mean it's been working, but still, it's like I think I'm gonna get yeah, yeah, we've talked about this. Anyways, you don't need to know about my house setup. Um, I wanted to give you a life update because I love updating y'all on my life. Don't really have much going on. That's good. Lots of school, lots of school. Um, I'm in seminary for those of you that don't know, so just lots of papers, lots of learning, lots of things that I'm like, what in the heck is this? But uh getting by and just enjoying time with family. Um, I'm making sure there's nothing big that I'm forgetting to tell them because sometimes once I get off, I'm like, why didn't I tell them? They're probably wondering, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Dad's here, he's considering the move.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

Yeah, dad's here. Dad's here, yeah. And it's so hard because he's really close to um his daughter, obviously, Amanda and her kids. Yeah, we're all so close, yeah. Yeah, so it's kind of like, oh, it's a it's a that's a whole nother we'll get there one day. Pieces, piece out of time, piece out of time. Um, so the reason I wanted to have Kimberly on here today is I don't think a lot of the I've never like really spoke about um like all the things that happened in the family because it happened before I kind of went on social media and or maybe like made it kind of big, I guess I I should say on social media. So I never really talked about it until I realized as we were sitting in the car, I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to have her on my podcast. Because I asked her, because we I like to compare myself, uh you guys know this. Like, I will be like, what character am I in the Bible? And then I'll kind of like think of who I am. And I asked her, I said, what character do you think you are? I say character, what person? I don't feel like it's it's a who are you in the Bible? And she was like, Job. And I was like, wait, what? Why? And then I kind of realized, oh my gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 5:06

We've been through a lot, we've been through a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

Yes. So I'm gonna kind of let her go through the um what everything because you guys are like, okay, like what did she go through? I know I'd be curious, I'd be like, girl, tell me more, I need to know. Let me pick up my coffee and let's talk about it. So tell them, starting with, I mean, it was a lot. So start with your brother, I guess, losing your brother? Yeah, sure. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_00 5:32

Yeah. So my brother passed away suddenly um in 2016, and it wasn't a normal death. We there was a homicide investigation, there were police, nobody ever found out like what happened to him, and it just shook this whole family, you know, like nothing was.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

And I was about to say it's still ongoing, but quote unquote, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

Yeah. Like they they said that they and just the backstory on that one, too. Can you kind of give him like how we know it's a homicide?

SPEAKER_00 6:02

Like, can you yeah, yeah, sure. So he was living in this house, he took in all of these people um that didn't come from that great of backgrounds. He gave them jobs and they were renting from him essentially, and he just was like, you know what, this isn't working out anymore. Um, he owned the home with another friend, and they agreed that they needed to leave. So he did tell them that they needed to leave. Um, and then it was like a couple days later he passed away, and they called me. A homicide detective called me and was like, Hey, your brother just died, and this is what his blood sugar was. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense. That doesn't make sense. Like, he was fine. I talked to him a few hours ago.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Well, let's reverse. I was on vacation at the time. Me and Mike were and we were sitting by the pool, and I got on Facebook, which is so weird. I'm on vacation, I usually don't get on like social media, but I remember I pulled up Facebook, and Facebook had a picture of him and he was on the ground, and it says, When you rob Peter Peter to pay Paul, and I showed your brother, and I go, What is this about? And he was intoxicated at the time, so he's like, I don't know. And then not even, I want to say what, four hours, three hours later, you called being like, Hey, he was gone. Nick passed away, and we were like, Wait, we just seen him on and then the photo got taken down.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah, it got taken down, yeah. So then I went through all these rabbit holes to try to like retrieve it. Um, Facebook at the time, they couldn't retrieve the image, but they could retrieve the post. Um, so it wasn't until I got his phone that I realized, oh, this photo was taken with his phone and uploaded to his own social media, and he was dead, so it wasn't him.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Um so it was just like a whole and he lived next to kind of tell him about that too, because I thought that was odd.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah, so he lived next to a hospital, and instead of calling um 911, somebody ran to the hospital to get help.

unknown 8:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

And the hospital was like, you have to call 911. Like, we the dispatch is not here. You have to call them. And so they finally did call 911. Um, the ambulance came, but it was already too late. Like he was gone.

SPEAKER_01 8:12

Yeah. And then when you finally wasn't it blunt force trauma to the head that he died.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yep, yeah, trauma to the head, and then the manner is like undetermined. So we'll never know unless somebody says, like, hey, I did this.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

And wasn't he always had money on him, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah. And he didn't have any. No money.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

He always, and you guys, he always had money on him. Yeah. How old was Nick? 34.

SPEAKER_00 8:32

34, yeah, he's young. He was so young, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

Yeah. But just a good guy, and like honestly, just there were so many things. Like, uh, what about like the girlfriend? And or do you not want to talk about that? Is that kind of scary? Like, to talk about and bring it to light, or I mean, we can talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Okay, yeah. She just um she was there with him like earlier that night, and then he went and dropped her off, and then she came back, and I don't really understand like what happened after that. We talked for a little bit, but then she was like dating one of his friends, and then she was close to this other guy that was involved, so it was just a very like bizarre situation. I don't I haven't talked to her in a long time. Um, but she was reaching out for a while, and then she was asking me what I was doing with this stuff, if she could have some of his things, and you know, I think I gave her like a jersey or something, but it was the whole situation was just bizarre.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

Yeah, yeah, absolutely crazy. I remember when it was all going down, and I was just like, What is happening here? Um but the fact that you were the one dealing with it, I remember being like, Poor Kimmy. Oh yeah, poor Kimmy, like you were that was bad. You were in the thick of it. Yeah, I remember it was crazy. So then um, that was one thing that the Lord was like, okay, I'm gonna, you know, because you were new brother were colour.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

We were so close. I knew all of his passwords, yes, just everything, everything. We talked like every day. So the fact that he just passed like so suddenly, and there was like no trace was so bizarre to me. They vandalized his house afterwards. Um I left work and I came to the house and I called a detective, and I was like, hey, like his house is vandalized. Can't we do something? And they were like, No, it's unrelated. I'm like, what do you mean it's unrelated? They were like, you can get a peace order. It was like the most bizarre situation I've ever encountered.

SPEAKER_01 10:19

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely crazy. Yeah. And then um, so I don't know how how long was it after that? So that was the first trial that the Lord put you through, and then after that was was it your mom?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Yeah, my mom passed away in 2018.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

So he was 2016?

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yeah, he was 2016, she was 2018, almost two years. It was like two weeks shy of two years of his and the anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

And that was unexpected too. Your mom.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

But she her health had been declining like for a while.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Like she just couldn't recover after that.

SPEAKER_01 10:52

And she battled with addiction.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Yeah. So she just couldn't, she couldn't get it together, you know? And we were there like through it all. You know, the dad was there through it all. Um, everybody like tried to help her. Amanda would like give her rides, places, and stuff, but she was always like just so ill. Um and then she just died suddenly. Yeah. You were at the beach at the time. I was at the beach, yeah. So we had to load up and drive back, and it was the longest two-hour drive of my life. Um just like, why, why did this have to happen?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

You know, it was awful. And then after that, um, which I I I don't I haven't really I don't think I mean, I've never really brought it to life because it was it's personal for all of us, but dad went through a depression after losing your mom.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Yes. So right after my mom died, dad had tried to like unalie to himself. Yeah, he tried to get it together, he couldn't get it together, he was so depressed, we were spending so much time with him. And then I remember one night um he we were going out to dinner near his house. I said, Hey, do you want to go out to dinner? And he was like, No, no, no, which is really weird because like usually when I ask him to do something, like he's like, Oh yeah, sure, come get me. But he didn't want to, so I was like, Oh, that's weird. Maybe he just needs his time. And then he attempted. Um and I didn't know. And he went to work the next day, and Amanda was there. He picked her up and she's like, What happened to you? Like, you're not sure. He looked bad really bad. He's like, Oh, nothing. I just fell. And then it came out later that he did, he attempted. Um, so they called me and I said, We're going to the hospital right now. We went to the hospital and you know, he went through a little bit of treatment, and that still wasn't it for him. Like he still needed um more in-depth care.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

And I think that's why right now it's so like right now everything dad is not the same dad. No, he's so dead as before. But I I 100% believe it was like uh he got like a brain injury from from that because he tried he tried he was without oxygen for who knows how long.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Um and I I I really believe because we've got him tested for Alzheimer's. Yeah. In dementia.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Yes. In nothing, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

It's like nothing. But we're like, why does he act like that then? Like there are, I mean, he is not the same dad that he used to be.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

No, he's so different.

SPEAKER_01 13:25

Um he's went down the he's he's he's just gone down. I mean, you know, he's fallen for this this online, I love you, I don't even know thing, and all his money like disappeared, and even her life insurance, your mom's life insurance, right? Yes, um, just so much.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Like I would love to just get him on like one of those Netflix shows. Have you seen them? Yes. Like, come and investigate him. Yeah, we need to bring this to light.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

I know, right? Because it's true, and then um, so we dealt with that. I mean, and that's been a whole thing. Yeah. And I mean, this guy used to be really good with his finances, so good, yeah. So good. And so then it like now Kimberly is in charge of it. And I'm telling you guys, because the house almost got taken. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, his vehicle, like, you guys don't understand what this what we've all dealt with. Dad has an addiction with his his thing is going to buy new cars. One time he bought a new Camaro.

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Yes, he did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Brought it home, only had I mean, literally, why did they sell him this? He could barely fit in it. Yeah. And he drove it what, how many times?

SPEAKER_00 14:34

I don't know, a handful. He put like a hundred miles on it.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

And then it just sat in the garage.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

It just sat in the garage.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

So we went ahead, well, I say we, but Kimberly talked to the bank and they came and got it. Yeah. Because she's like, this is crazy. And then now we actually have a lawsuit against the um dealership because they keep selling him cars. Yes. They keep selling him cars. Yeah. You guys, he is he doesn't know his ass from his elbow. Excuse my language. But you keep selling him vehicles. We have no other choice but to put a lawsuit against these people.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah. Make them stop.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Yes, because not even what, two weeks ago he was there again.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yes. And poor Amanda. Can't make this up. Poor Amanda. He called her and was like, Can I have your social? And she was like, No, you're not buying a car in my name.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

Yes, he was going to have her co-signed for review. You guys, we can't make this up. This is like real life. Um, so we're still dealing with, you know, dad, and it's gonna be, I mean, it's it's gonna be a long it it's uh we're I think we're all doing well. For the for a good time though, you it was the load was on you, and you were like, listen. It was a lot, you were like, I I've gotta step back. Yeah. And I'm glad you said something.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Yeah. I remember calling Mike, and I'm just like, I don't know. I might be in the nut hut soon because I don't know if I can take anymore. And he's like, please don't, please get it together.

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I know because you were dealing with a lot of it, and it's I remember being like, I don't know what to do because we're not there, you know, like what can we do? Ugh. What a mess. I mean, at that point in time, you just have to like because there was a point you called and you were like, hey, like, I have to go admit dad. And we're like, wait, what? And then your brother started feeling some emotions as well, and we're like, oh, we can't do this right now. We can't do this one at a time. Yes. Yes, just real life things though. It was messy, it was so messy for a while. Yeah, and I just remember it was like every time you would call me, I wanted to talk to you. Yeah, but every time you were calling me, it was like a PTSD moment for me because I'm like, I don't want to scared to get the phone.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Tony still says that. He says, when I call, I give him a migraine. Yeah, he like looks at the phone and it's like instant migraine.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Yes, because every time I would be like, Okay, oh, Kimmy's calling me. Yeah, let me call you back, girl. It's everything good.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

Like, oh, I gotta prepare myself. I can't be driving right now. I know. Yes, like, and it sucked because it wasn't even that. You were losing people all over your life, too, like left and right. And I just remember being like, I remember this conversation with Mike. I was like, she has like this black cloud over her right now. And but your faith was still strong, and that's why you're on this podcast. Because um, I asked you, I'm like, how are you? What is your best advice? If somebody is listening to this, because I prayed before we started this podcast, and I'm like, Lord, please get this to somebody who maybe is feeling overwhelmed and like, when am I gonna get a break? And this is a lot. Like, I wanted you on here to speak to that person to say, you know, so what have you done that is like, man, if I I know well, first off, can we go back a little? Because I also want to say, how'd you get into your faith? Because this is amazing to me because I thought you just grew up because your faith has been ever since I met you, you've been so big. I mean, we'd be on vacation and she'd be getting ready on Sunday to go to church. And I'd be like, What are you doing? She's like, Going to church. And I'm like, You go to church here, and she's like, Yeah, we'll find a church down the way. And I'm like, Oh, okay. But tell them how you became or you got into your faith, because I find it so amazing.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

Yeah, so just Nicholas and Bobby, my two older brothers, they both went to Christian school, and I was the only one that didn't because I didn't have a sports scholarship. So um, one night Bobby was like, You need to get into a church, you need to hear this. And we were just looking through the newspaper and he's like, Oh, this church, Island Alliance Church. Like, let's go there. They have a Wednesday night service. So we walk in there, and the pastor's wife, the sweetest lady, she's like, Hey, can I help you? And I said, Yeah, I'm here to learn about Jesus. And she's like, Okay, well, you've come to the right place. Um, but why did you pick tonight? And I said, We looked it up in the newspaper. And she said, Well, Wednesday night's the prayer service. Um, but my husband happens to be here. Let me get him. So we waited in the lobby and he says, Hey, I'm Tom Leonard. So nice to meet you. Come to the library. So we do. We come into the library and he pulls out his Bible and he's like giving me the rundown of the gospel. And I'm like, Oh, okay, this is this sounds good. Like, I'm interested. And he said, Okay, well, if you want, like I can come back to your house, we can meet privately. Um, you can come here on Sunday for service. And so I said, Yeah, I want to try service. So we came and it was like nothing I've ever experienced. I mean, I've been to the like the Catholic Church and stuff, you know. Um, but but there was like worship and people just loving me, not even knowing who I was, you know, and greeting me and and you needed that at that time. Yes, I needed it, yeah. Because your mom was never the like the nurturing, right? No, she wasn't. I mean, she was an alcoholic, and then shortly after that Nicholas's dad died like suddenly, like just drop dead heart attack, and she was so sad, and I just remember okay, like let me call my pastor. He is the sweetest guy. So I called him. I mean, if you don't know your pastor's phone number, I don't know what to tell you because like I small churches are where it's at, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so I 100% agree with you.

SPEAKER_00 20:33

Yeah, so I called him and I said, Hey, Pastor Tom, um, my brother's dad just died. Do you think you could come like pray for my mom? And he said, Yeah. So he came over. My mom was so drunk. So drunk, and I was so embarrassed. And he did not even care. He came and he prayed for her, and um he you know prayed for his dad that um God received him, and it was just so amazing. At that point, I was like, This is my home, this is my church, this is where I'm gonna grow.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

And you're still there? I'm still there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Is he still the pastor? So he just retired a couple of weeks ago.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Oh my god. But he listened But you still have Monspiedale. Still have Monspiedale. He's not too far. Like, I think he knows all the things, right? I remember one time we were talking about it. You were like, girl, my pastor knows everything. Everything. I what a blessing to have your your pastor to be able to call them. And you know what? I don't put my pastors on pedestals because I think we're all human and they're just the ones guiding us and pointing us to the Lord. Um, but the other day I was thinking to myself, oh my gosh, what a blessing it is to be able to, Pastor Jason, I from back in Iowa. Um, I called him, I FaceTimed him. Yeah. And he was like, hey. And I was like, okay, I just wanted to make sure you would answer. Right, right. He's probably thinking I'm crazy. He's like, I'm actually getting ready to do a meeting. What are you gonna talk about? Blah, blah, blah. So we talked for a good five minutes and then he ended up FaceTiming me back later. And I didn't answer, but yeah, what a blessing to be able to have that. Because even when I was going through a really hard spiritual warfare, he came over with his anointing oil and was like, you know, like he he's always been there, even though you're right. It's so crazy when people are like, I don't need to go to church. You're right, you don't need to. But I promise you, there is something in a church when you get those people that are treating you like you've known them forever. Like yesterday was my second time or Sunday, it was my second time back at that church. People were hugging me.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

People were hugging me.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

I love that. Hey!

SPEAKER_01 22:33

I'm like, hey, like it is, it's so crazy. I also didn't get to talk to you about this, and this is a great time to talk about it. So put me on the spot. I know, girl. Well, so uh as we're at church, I I love to pray about things like I'm like, okay, kind of, you know, I because I I know scripture says where there are many, that's where he will be. Um, and so when we're all sitting there worshiping, it's really when I'll bow my head and I'll really just talk to him and be like, you know, can you please answer these questions or can you just be with me and just sit with me like Job's and his friends? Like just be with me right now. And so yesterday I've been battling with, is this my church or what do I need to do? And like, what am I here for? Like, what am I here for? I I don't know what you want me to do here in in little parish uh Florida. Like, what am I supposed to be doing? And I had this overwhelming, it was so overwhelming that I actually stopped and I looked over at Mike and I whispered it into his ear because I said, I have to tell you what the Lord just told me. He's like, You are so good at social media. And a lot of these churches are not. Help them. Help them because the more that I can we are good at social media for these churches, the more people we're gonna get to fill these seats. We need people like you to go talk to these people who are on the social media team or who are on the marketing team for these churches and say, hey, here's what you can do, because you know it already. Yeah, you know how to do it. So when you went, because I did, I went on their Facebook and I went on there, and I'm like, they don't have a TikTok presence. And I'm like, oh, what are you doing? Like, we need that. It's it we gotta be in there. And the presence they do have on Facebook and stuff is just not what would drag me there. It's more for the people who are going there, not trying to get people there. And so you know what I did? You reached out. I walked up there. What?

SPEAKER_00 24:27

I did, it was so hard. I thought you were gonna say I sent them anything. No, girl.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Obedience was really like I stood up and I looked at Mike and I said, uh, the Lord is not gonna let me leave here without saying something. Yeah. Like, I will feel so heavy if I leave here. I have to go say something. And he's like, Okay, so I walked up to one of the girls and I was like, hey, I know this is gonna sound crazy, so bear with me here. But I am feeling so heavy right now that I have to ask you or have to tell you, if you guys need help with your social media because there isn't much of a presence, please. I'm kind of like I said, which is so funny because I'm like, wait, I am, um, but it was the Lord talking. But I was like, I'm kind of an expert at this social media thing. And then I'm like, Well, you're why did you say that? But then I'm like, okay, well, in all honesty, I think I do really well. I do know all the things, and I try to teach everybody all the things, but honestly, sometimes I don't put the things because I'm like, I'm okay where I'm at. I give it to God. I don't care about the algorithm and all that, you know, but I know some people need to girl. So um that that was hard for me, but I went and so then Satan got a hold of me. So I go up and I'm talking to the girl. She was like, okay, well, here, meet this person. And when I met this girl that she introduced me to, the girl kind of seemed like, like, who do you think you are? Like, you know, and I was like, oh no. So that's what I figured, you know. I gave the girl my number, and so she texted you, she said, Hey, this is, you know, from church. And I text her back. I said, as we were in the car, you know, and I go, I am so sorry if I stepped on any toes. Like, that was not my intentions. Right, right. My intentions were not to be like, and maybe it did come off like your guys at social media sucks, and that's not what I was trying to say. I was meaning like what I just told you. It's pointed more towards the, you know, we're gonna tell the itinerator for the week. No, I want you to reach that person that's um contemplating going to church. Servant leadership. Yes, like I need that's what we need to do as the church, and so then that's what just kept coming to me the whole time. It was like, Melinda, you I you're so good at this now. Like you've been like, help them, help them get more people, help these seats be filled. You can do that. So I reached out to her, I said, Hey, I'm really sorry. Like, I did not, and she was like, No, I promise that's not what it was. I was like, Okay, cool. So, whatever, the ball's in their court. If they reach out to me and they say, Hey, um, then I obviously would sit down with them. I did it for um the church in Clear Lake, and it was amazing. And um, so I'm almost thinking, is that what I'm called to do? Go to these different churches and teach them about social media because people are wanting to be paid for that, and I don't want paid.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:05

I just want to give it to you.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Like I I here, take all this. Take it, take it. I I I want to teach you how to get every seat filled. I want you, I want to get you to the point where you have to extend or expand this this uh sanctuary. Like I want to get to that point. Like, and I don't want a dime from you. I just want to give it to you. And I think a lot of these people who come to them or they there's courses they have to take and they're like, I don't want to sit there when you can just have Melinda come in and say, Here's what you need to do. Yeah. So I think that's what I'm being called to do, and we'll see how it goes. Uh but yeah, that's how that's how I felt on that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:44

Did you ever feel like I need I know I need to serve in this church, but I don't know. Yes, that's how I felt.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Gross. I felt ugh. Yeah. Like I remember being like the first time we went, which is we've only been there two times, guys. I remember just being like, oh man, like I felt so at home, but I felt like it was like, yeah, you you're home, but figure out where that that spot is. I need you, because there's somewhere I need you right now, and you need to figure it out. Like I wish that he would just be like, here you go, but of course he's like, no, that's not how it's gonna be. I'm gonna make you try to figure it out. Um, so yeah, I I'm exactly that's what I'm doing right now is trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, and maybe it's to go to all these different churches, made it maybe get their social media going great, and then go to another church and who knows?

SPEAKER_00 28:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Who knows? Because I I I just feel like God's using me and I tell him all the time, I'm like, just use me. Use me. Put my put this in front of who needs to see it, whether it be a podcast clip or uh a video or or me at church, like let my let me work for you. Yeah. Like please, please. Um, can you tell everybody what you do for the church? Because I think that's pretty amazing too, because you don't just go to church on Sunday, you do way more than that.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Well, I will tell you that I was at this church for years and I didn't serve. I just didn't feel like I needed to or that I was called to do it. Um and they never pressured me. They were never like you need to do this, or God commands you. No. They were just so if you feel led here's what we need. Um so I started in the children's ministry. The not Pastor Tom, but another pastor that came, Pastor Craig. Um, and his wife was like, Hey, we need help in the children's ministry, and you are such an amazing person. You're so positive and bubbly, and I would love to have you be a part of our children's ministry. And I said, Sure, no problem. So I started there. Um, and then my best friend was a teen mom, and she said, Hey, I want to start this ministry here. Um, will you go to this banquet with me and learn more? And I said, Yeah, sure, I'll support you, whatever you whatever you want to do. So I go to this banquet just to support her, and she's like, I think I really think we can get this up and running. I said, Yeah, I'm here for it. I went to all the meetings, you know, listened to her, trained, all the things. Um, and we just could not get it up and running, honestly. She is very well experienced, she has seven kids. Um, and we just couldn't get it up off the ground um and reach the people that we needed to reach. So she said, Hey, this is a little bit too much. I don't have the time that I really need, so I'm going to step down. And the our director of the Bay Area Young Life came to me and she said, Hey, do you think that you can step in her place? And I said, Whoa, I am not a teen mom. I cannot. And I don't know if I'm good at this. And she said, Well, just give it a try and see how it goes. It's better than what's going on right now. So I'm like, Okay. I prayed about it. I did. I put a lot of thought and a lot of prayer into it, and finally God was like, Okay, you need to do this, this, and this, and you need to fill these holes, and finally your ministry will get up and running. And there is a calling for that in this area. Because I didn't know, it's not like regular young life where you go to school and you hand out donuts and you're like, Jesus loves you, come check us out, you know. Um, so we went, we had our like meeting, our planning meeting, and I said, Hey, y'all are gonna think I'm nuts, but this is what we need to do if we want to start this ministry. And my director, Kelly, was like, Okay, take it and run. So we did. Um, I started putting stuff out on social media because everybody is so plugged into social media, and like got we got like 10 girls that were interested, and we made these like blessing bags, and we dropped them off at schools and um community resource centers and the health department and all of these things, and these girls were scanning these codes and they wanted to learn more, and they wanted to be a part of our ministry. Oh my gosh, it was insane. Yeah, yeah. So that's how I got started, and I just didn't think not that I wasn't worthy, I didn't, I wasn't a team mom, so I didn't feel like I had the time.

SPEAKER_01 32:25

Yeah, I can understand that. Yeah, yeah. Wow, and now you're I mean you're still in it right now, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:31

Yeah, so now I'm the coordinator. Finally, we laugh about it because she was like, okay, just try it and see how it goes. Um, and now I'm the coordinator for the Bay Area, and I do these fundraisers all the time. I have girls that come on a consistent basis, we go to camp, we do all the things. It's just it's amazing. Um, I had one girl that at the end she graduated out, so she's no longer a part of the program, but I said, Where you know, starting from where you were to where you are now, you know, how is your growth? What's your spiritual growth like? And she said, honestly, when I came here, I just came here because you were giving me free diapers and wipes, and I needed you. Um I was into crystals and all of those things, but I recently went out and bought a Bible, and it's because you all have shared the gospel with me so many times. I'm like, okay, I have to find out for myself what this is about. So now we're starting like a little Bible study for her. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Sometimes it's like just that. Yeah. Like that fills your cup. Like when people reach out to me and they're like, hey, I like I got an email the other day with somebody being like, Hey, um, I have never, I'm 60 something years old. I have never bought a Bible. Like, can you give me guidance? I listen to your podcast and I watch your social media.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

And I'm like, wow, like God, I needed that. And sometimes God knows. Like, sometimes people on my social media will be like, you're doing a great job. And I'm like, I needed those things. Like, God's sending those people to me and be like, because there's days I'm like, oh, this is exhausting. Like, you know, the the horrible comments trump all the good ones, and you're like, okay, do I keep going? And you're like, yes, yes, yes. Remember, they hated him first. Like, keep going. So yeah. Um, the other thing I want to put in the middle of here uh while we're at this point is I have not been doing the whole sponsor, my podcast. We are dabbling in that right now, you guys. So I just want to let you know about that. Um, one thing we have started though, it's called Buy Me a Coffee, and it will be linked um in the description, and it's where you can donate towards this podcast. So it's uh just go in there, you can donate anything from $2 to whatever you want to do, and it's going directly to my podcast and the growth of this podcast and what I can do on this podcast. Because right now I'm kind of at this limbo, just growing. Um, I think we're almost to episode 50, and I'm very proud of myself. People usually give up on episode 20, so pat on the back. Um, so yes, buy me a coffee is just one of the platforms we're gonna be using to fund this podcast. So if you feel um led to do that, please do. Um, I'm also, if we have extra funds in there, one of my things is really giving my ministry everything. And a lot of people reach out to me for Bibles. So that's one of the things I really want to do. Um, I even had a comment yesterday, somebody said, I can't wait until I get a job because I want to buy a Bible. And my first thing is messaging that person and being like, Here, let me buy you a Bible. But as you guys know, Bibles do get expensive. So I have supplied many Bibles. Um, for the there's a lot of people that have gotten them from me. I mean, all over the country. And yes, the shipping gets very expensive. So if you guys could be so kind to donate on Buy Me a Coffee, it will be linked in all descriptions. Um, going forward though, I wanted to read this because I was I prayed over what we were gonna talk about today, and I was like, okay, God, tell me what what we need to hear. What's the date today?

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Do you know? The 22nd.

SPEAKER_01 36:15

Okay, so this is from the 21st, and I'll link this book below. You guys know I love this book. It's called Life Principles Daily Bible.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

It might be the 21st.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

Okay, I'll link this below, but for some reason, I I flipped straight to this, and I'm like, okay, I hear you, I see you. And what I really like about this is it gives you um questions, answers, um, and it really just life lessons, challenges you, and really gets you to think in different ways. And it honestly, it's just great because you can go to the day and then you can just kind of read for that day. But I was on the 21st, and it says, How can I find the strength to endure when I face spiritual opposition? And it says, God knows the Christian life is not easy, and it never will become easy. No matter how long we live in this world, we will face opposition, both from the world and from the enemy of our souls, in the devil. And Jesus told us, in the world you will have tribulations, John 16, 33. And I kind of highlighted the things that really stood out to me. We must develop endurance. The Bible is full of examples of those who endured opposition to their work and who received their reward as a result. Hebrews 11, often called the Hall of Faith, lists some of those heroes. And it just got me thinking, like, how that you've you've, I mean, your faith is still crazy strong. If not, I think maybe stronger than it was before you went through all of that.

SPEAKER_00 37:39

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 37:40

And so I was kind of thinking, oh, maybe she's in the hall of faith because she's like over here, like, listen, because people are watching you, whether you know it or not, because I was watching, I was watching, your brother was watching. Like, how can your faith be that strong when you just lost your brother unexpectingly? You lost your mom, and I mean, you were having death, that's not even all of it. Yeah, just so everybody knows, like, there were many people in her family and friends that were passing away. Yes, and um, so those were the only two we really talked about.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Right.

SPEAKER_01 38:10

And so, yeah, people are always watching you, and your faith has never, it's never been where the point where you've been like, I'm not going to church, I I don't trust the Lord anymore. It's always been He's with me. Yes, he's with me. Yes, and I've always like looked at you and I'm like, all right, that's the kind of faith I want. I want that faith. And I know one day in in my life I'm gonna need to look at you and be like, girl, give me that, give me what you got. Because I'm right, I need it all, girl. Give me it all. And so I just wanted you to realize that no matter what, people are watching you because I know I was, and I'm always still watching you because I'm like, you're one of the people that me and Mike look at, and we're like, okay, if we have questions or whatever, you and your brother are very like first ones to be like, oh, well, this, because you've been doing it a long time. Not saying you're an expert.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Oh, definitely not an expert.

SPEAKER_01 39:03

No, but still, you I feel like when I ask you a question, like, what do you think the Bible, you always have something like you're like, you know what? Um, I've heard about this before, and then you always give me advice or whatever, and I really appreciate that. Um, it says, but what exactly is involved in a developing endurance? At least four things play a big role. And I and I I definitely highlighted this receiving encouragement from others. Okay. I was like, that is so true. Because how many times in life have I been like, uh, it's almost like when you're going through that, you feel lonely, even though, you know, you know you're not alone because you have the Lord, yeah, but also it's like I he sends people because even when I'm like, man, I don't want to post another video, like this is exhausting. You get that one person that's encouraging. Yeah. And hey, you know, you're doing such a good job. I'm so proud of you. Like, I had a friend the other day, and I'm not kidding, you me and her have been getting pretty close. She's went to boot camp with me. So we went through one of the hardest times. Challenging times of our lives together. And she just out of the blue texted me, You're you're so amazing. And like that, I'm like, okay, the God God used her. That encouragement was like, okay, I needed it at that time too. Because I remember just looking up all my stuff and I'm like, oh girl, like you got a lot going on, and they're just, you know, it's a lot. Um, so I do believe that God uses people. And now me and her are getting super close, and like she's gonna come visit, and like all these things, and it's crazy because I know for a fact God used her at that moment. Because when I got the text, I looked at it and I just started laughing. I'm like, oh God, you need to like right when I looked at it, I'm like, okay, so receiving encouragement from others that goes for us. Yeah, we need to encourage other others for sure, and I I need to get better at that. I do need hey, I see the taco truck. You guys, not there's a taco truck. So we don't have ice cream trucks around here, but we do have taco trucks, and their horn will go in my cause and give it a punch. It's a taco, I swear. Yes. So the first day we got here, my uncle was here with us and he was like, Is that a taco truck? I said, Oh my gosh, it is. And now they come every day, like twice a day they come. I know, taco trucks. That's okay. Get back to this.

unknown 41:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

Number two, getting rid of hindrances. It says, This means we need to identify those things that could slow us down, including any sin God brings to our attention. And man, I have I have been called out by the Lord multiple times in the last, I want to say, six months with things like that. Things that I didn't realize were idols. I was making idols. And I'm like, oh, okay, yeah, you're right. So we need to recognize those things and be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I mean, even the other day, think about it. I'm having the worst pain, UTI pain, you guys, is the worst. You're like, you're like, okay, I feel like I'm gonna piss myself. But do I gotta pee? What am I gonna do? I don't know. And then um the I should have gone to him, and instead, what did I do? I went to DoorDash and ordered some meds. And I start like, I get on, like I turn on worship music, I start worshiping, and the pain literally started going down. And I thought to myself, he's telling me right now, girl, who were you supposed to come to? Yeah, you were supposed to come to me.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

Right.

SPEAKER_01 42:30

And so I was making other things like more important than him. I was like, oh, well, they can't, but I can get this here, and I can get this. When in reality, he was like, Hey, come to me. Like, come to me. Um, so we have to remember that. Even my I'm part of this review program, and sometimes I check it like a hundred times a day, and I'm not kidding you, a hundred times a day. And he took it from me for a short period of time, and I still catch myself now that I got it back, I'm doing it, and he's like, Hey, hey, hey, you're spending too much time on that. And he's probably gonna take it again. And he needs he's like, girl, uh, you're making things idols, right? Like you need to stop. Pick up the Bible every time that you feel like you want to scroll or something, pick up the Bible. I need to get better at that. When the going gets rough, we don't run away, we can't be quitters, rather, we continue on in confident trust, and and the longer we persevere, the stronger our faith is. And it's so true. Yeah. Oh my gosh, it's so true. It is like whenever that I'm like, oh yeah, that's it. The hard part is people start running and they get tired, and then they're like, that those drugs over there made life a lot easier.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

But there's also people tearing you on in the corner. Like you're not doing it alone. Yes. And a lot of people forget that.

unknown 43:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:54

Because they're not encouraging. They need to speak up and be encouraging. They need to say, Hey, like every now and then I'll just send people, which you've gotten them. Um I'll text and be like, hey, I love you. I know. I do that a lot. People get texts from me all the time, and it's just because I'll be sitting there and I'm like, oh, I need to stop and text this person, tell them I love them, or you're doing great, or I'm so proud of you, or whatever. And I try to do that. Um, I'm I'm trying to get better at it, but yes. So just making sure, and number four, fix your eyes on Christ. Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author, author, and perfecter of our faith. Nothing helps us endure like seeing the final prize before us, and the prize is Christ himself.

SPEAKER_00 44:36

You know, I had that put on X prayer card that we handed out at his at his service. Yeah. So it's just crazy because we started this off talking about him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:49

Oh yeah. He's like, hey, I'm here. Did you really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. He's telling us right now, he's here. Yeah. That is so crazy. So crazy. That is so crazy. Listen, that was so meant to be. That was like the whole wraparound just now.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

I love that. Um, it's one of those things where I just wanted people to really understand that no matter what, it's gonna be okay. Like, because you're doing very well. It's hard. Now don't get me wrong.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

No, it's always gonna be hard.

SPEAKER_01 45:24

But also, you're carrying the cross. You're picking it up and you're c you're carrying it. Like you've never your your faith is still super strong and that's why I feel like I relate to Joe because he had ten kids, they all got taken from him.

SPEAKER_00 45:43

He was just getting bad news after bad news after bad news, you know? Um and I'm like, man, that's me. But then at the end of it, at the end of the trials, he got back everything and then some, and then some. Yes, yeah. So I feel like if we put our faith and our trust in him, then that too will happen to us. It's not about like what we're going what we're going through here, our earthly possessions and all of those things. It's about the end result. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

And I love these you're just inspiring. I know you don't see it like that, but you really are. And that's what I wanted you on here because I know there's somebody that needs to hear this right now because they're like, I'm getting hit by all sides, and every time I get up, I'm getting punched again. And what is it like? So you're proof that, yeah. I mean, I've lost you were so close to your brother. I wish people understood. Like, and you just with grace, and and I think a lot of it, and correct me if I'm wrong, you know where he's at. Okay, because he was he was big in his faith.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Yeah, so you know where he is, and he's like, Oh, I got the chills. He's saying, Yeah, you're right. Um, she knows where I'm at. Um, so I think that's like a big part of it too. And I think even, you know, my mom and me were talking the other day, and my mom just lost her cousin, and they were pretty close for a really long time, and she was taking it, oh, and her best friend uh passed, and she all in one week, and she was really down in the dumps. And I said, you know, I know both of those people believed in the Lord. I know both of them, you know, they had their own struggles, whatever, but they both believed in the Lord. And I think I find ever since I've really been following the Lord, now I look at death so different.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:31

I do. I look at it because even when I had that super supernatural experience with him, he said, That's a horrible day for you, but it's a good day for me when I get them. Like you you guys don't see it the way I see it. To me, it's kind of like a gift. I get my kid back.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

Yeah, and then how do you feel now? Like it was hard then, right?

SPEAKER_01 47:52

Super hard?

SPEAKER_00 47:53

Yeah, but it wasn't worth it.

SPEAKER_01 47:56

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

You know? Because people see the hard and then they give up. They don't see years later, like, oh, that's what happened, that's why this happened.

SPEAKER_01 48:06

Yes. And it's so crazy because I'll even look back now and I'm like, oh my word, that's why that happened. Like, there are so many things like where I used to, it's like a mindset mindset shift where I would say, God, why would you let that happen? If there's a God, why would he let that happen to me?

SPEAKER_00 48:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:21

And now I look back and I'm like, oh gosh, now I understand why that happened to me. Like, okay, all right. Um, but yeah, I I just I think that's somebody needed to hear this today, and I hope it found that person because listen, we all need a little bit of encouragement and a little bit of I needed to hear that today.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

Yeah, and you don't need to be perfect. Don't I so it's so funny. I you're not in the message thread with me and your husband. But I don't know that you ever want to be, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

It's the sibling one. Listen, I haven't earned my way into that. I don't think I want to be in there.

SPEAKER_00 49:00

I don't think I want to be in there. But we'll like complain to each other and then we'll like catch ourselves, and I'm like, we're all sinners, you know. Yeah, but we gotta go through. Yeah, so I uh stumble every day. Yes, I stumble every single day. So I hope that when people are hearing this or hearing us talk or watching your videos, they're not thinking she's she's perfect, yes, or she's gotta figure it out.

SPEAKER_01 49:25

You know, you guys only heard before this podcast started. You guys, I was I the old Melinda cursing was coming back. The sailor mouth Melinda, as we're sitting here trying to set this up.

SPEAKER_00 49:36

Listen, we're all centers, we're all centered.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

I caught myself. I'm like, okay, calm down, girl, calm down. But you know, it's like whenever I and this is true, when I feel comfortable around, like this is my sister, so of course I feel comfortable around her, I can shut the door and start cursing. I'm like, oh girl, I'm like, you can't be doing that. But it's every now and then it happens, and sometimes I find myself, I have to walk away. I have to go in my room, and I do grab my Bible. I do do that a lot the last few days. You know, it's a lot having kids around when you're not used to having kids around like that. Yeah. And uh tantrums and stuff, and I understand that's that's life. Yes, and um, but for me it's a little overwhelming. So I've been going to grab my Bible and I'm just like, okay, just read something. I don't care what it is, read something. So you're just like, okay, I'm gonna read this. But we are all a work in progress, okay? God knows we are human. We we listen, we're messy. We're messy, but you need to be motivated, okay?

SPEAKER_00 50:38

We're so messy. We are so messy. Like, I don't ever want to feel like I am too like somebody perceives me as oh, I'm not good enough to talk to her. Because come as you are, come as you are, please. Yeah. If you don't have please the clothes to go to church, but you want to go to church, just go. Go. Yeah. And if they judge you, then that's the wrong church. That's the wrong church, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:04

Please, that's the wrong church. Because no, I'm telling you guys right now, I have learned, God's really put it on me to learn to not judge people by a cover because the some of the most amazing people I have met in my life don't care about their clothes. They don't care about the makeup, they don't care about the jewelry, they don't care about none of that at all. They are just genuinely amazing people. And those are the people I want to be around, okay? Yeah, like they're not making fun of Melinda that lived in a trailer in like they don't care about that stuff. But then you have other people in this world who are like, you lived in a trailer? What you did this, you worked Hooters, yes, that's the old me. You can't judge me from the old me. You can't do that. And if if so, I'm sorry to say, but you're not a Christian.

SPEAKER_02 51:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 51:54

I'm sorry to say it. Like, you really need to evaluate yourself because that was the old me. It sucked, let me tell you. It was not fun, but God did all of that so that I can be here saying, Hey, you guys, it's possible. It's possible. Like you can be saved, you can totally turn around and say, drugs and alcohol are not gonna control me anymore. Who's going to be who's in control now? Oh, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00 52:21

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

And as long as I'm following him, I'm gonna be okay. And if he seems to say, hey, you know what, it's your time to come meet me, then guess what? That's a good day too. It's a good day too. So, um, where can we find you, Kimberly? I'm going to actually, you guys, I'm working on Kimberly because I want her to really make a presence on social media. Because listen, she she's doing all the things, and I'm like, you need to be on social media. So we are changing her name today on because right now she's Kim Possible, and I'm like, girl, no, we ain't we ain't Kim Possible right now. I judged her. I think that judge. So we're not doing that. We're not doing that. We're changing that, and I'm gonna have her below, and I it will say follow um Kimberly here, and it'll say all her all her stuff. So just look in the description and you will see where you can follow Kimberly. Um, and thank you for being on here. Thanks for having me. And yeah, and as always, you guys stay blessed. Um, don't try to be perfect, please don't don't do that. It's not fun. It's not um and pick up your Bible, read your Bible, daily bread. Highly recommend it. Highly recommend opening your Bible every day, or just a devotional, even. Sometimes I don't have time for the Bible, but I'll do a devotional, and I feel like that, you know, that'll hold me over till the next day. So, all right, you guys, I love you so much. Once again, thank you so much for following me. Thank you so much for just all the downloads, all the things. So we haven't gotten sponsors. I haven't even looked into it. I'm gonna be honest with you. I haven't even looked into it. Um, but I have started the uh the um you can buy me a coffee, which means like it'll go to this podcast and it'll go to all the things. So I will have that link below, you guys. Have a great rest of the week. Sorry I did not show up yesterday, but I will see you next week. Bye guys.