The Systems That Shape Your Child’s Mind | Raeanne Johnson (Finale)

In the final part of this conversation with Raeanne Johnson, pediatric mental health nurse practitioner and founder of Brain Waves Wellness, the discussion shifts into practical family life and everyday parenting strategies. Raeanne shares concrete tools parents can use to help children regulate emotions, navigate overstimulation, develop healthier habits, and build stronger family connection inside the home. 

The episode explores:

• Emotional regulation tools for children
• How to create a “regulation station” at home
• Parenting through meltdowns in public
• Discipline vs. discipleship
• The role of structure, routines, and systems in family life
• The neuroscience of video games and screen overstimulation
• Dopamine, attention, and emotional regulation
• Why board games and shared activities matter for brain development
• Sleep, movement, nutrition, and mental wellbeing
• Faith-centered parenting and identity formation

Raeanne also walks listeners through the systems and rhythms inside her own home — including reduced screen exposure, movement-based regulation, collaborative family routines, reading culture, and practical strategies that support emotional wellbeing for both children and parents. 

The conversation also connects to broader ideas explored throughout The Gentle Year surrounding mindset, thought patterns, personal responsibility, and intentional living — themes that strongly overlap with concepts discussed in Your Wish Is Your Command, particularly the relationship between belief, environment, habits, and the direction of a person’s life.

If you’re interested in parenting, neuroscience, emotional regulation, family culture, homeschooling, faith-based parenting, or the long-term effects of screens and overstimulation on children, this episode offers both practical insight and deeper reflection.

Powered by Turning The Tide Tutoring — personalized academic coaching for students who think differently — Acting With Pippi, where creativity and confidence come to life on and off the stage — and Your Wish Is Your Command, a book and audio experience focused on mindset, awareness, and intentional thinking.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

In these conversations with Ray Ann Johnson, we've explored neuroscience, emotional well-being, parenting, and the connection between faith mindset and the developing mind of a child. And today, we're moving towards the practical side of it all. For example, what does emotional regulation look like inside of a home? And how do parents help children navigate overwhelm, overstimulation, frustration, and conflict in healthier ways? Rayanne is going to share practical systems, routines, and tools her own family uses every day, from regulation stations and collaborative games to conversations about screens, dopamine, movement, sleep, and family culture. This episode is powered by Turning the Tide Tutoring, Personalized Academic Coaching for Students Who Think Differently, Acting with Pippy, where creativity and confidence come to life on and off the stage, and your wish is your command, a powerful exploration on mindset awareness and intentional thinking. Let's continue. She's going to tell us now more about the practical things that she does with her children and with her family to help with the regulatory component of emotions and all of that. And she's already given us like a ton of wisdom in that category. So I'm just going to let her steal the show. So Rayanne, we can start wherever you want to. I know you said you can talk about these subjects and these topics like off the cuff. So where do you want to go?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

I love for families to feel really equipped. And I have seen families come through my office and they say, I tell them to calm down and they just can't calm down. You can tell me to play the cello, and I certainly cannot because I've never tried, I've never learned, no one ever taught me. And so we want, while our kids are not heightened, to learn how to regulate, to learn what their tool is and to have a place where they can go to give themselves their own calm down strategies. And so one phrase I use at my house, instead of calm down, because that doesn't usually work, one thing I say is, hey, can you choose your tool? Choose your tool. And so while they're not heightened, we talk through 10 different tools that help some them regulate. And so one is like deep breathing with Stuart the starfish. If we pretend our hand is a starfish, and when we go up our arm or Stuart's leg, we breathe in. And when we go down, we breathe out. That's one. There are sensory bins that you can make there with your uh brush where you can like brush their arm to help with um sensory regulation. You can put a box jump in your guest bedroom and let them just go jump it out. You can have them run up and down the stairs. And so we have a very practical regulation station in the middle of our living room, like tucked under the coffee table. And it's got diffuse cards, like what to do. So give you some options of how to calm down when you're feeling overwhelmed. And then it has all their tools in the central location so they can just help themselves to move their body, to move their mind. I remind my kids all emotions are valid, all behaviors are not. And so you are welcome to be upset. You can't say mean things to your brother, etc. So giving them very practical tools. A regulation station is my personal favorite one.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. So I just want to make sure I understand what a regulation station is. You you had mentioned that I was just processing, but you had mentioned that you're like, hey, you know, choose your tool. So are you talking about something physical and there's an actual station in your house and they can go? Like basket that they can go use. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

What's in this basket? Uh modeling clay, ice packs that you can like break and put on your face to just help cool down when you're feeling really tight. Oh, cool. Gum, because that is a novelty. And it sometimes just the taste sensation is enough to ground you, you know. Um dryer balls from the Dollar Tree that my kids love. They're like little spiky balls, and they love to roll them over themselves for a sensory input. Um spot it or a deck of cards for them to play some game either with themselves or with someone else. Brainflakes, a gratitude journal, because it's really hard to be angry when you're thanking the Lord for his provision. So lots of really practical things. Almost everything I bought was from the Dollar Tree. And I do have a free printable on my website about how to make your own regulation station. Yeah, I was just about to ask. With Amazon links. So can I can make sure you have that for your show notes?

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Oh, yeah, please do. That's that's awesome. I know that everybody would love to do to see how that all works. You'll have to when you can, maybe take a picture of your regulation station, post it in the Facebook group so people can kind of see what what you're doing. Um, but now let's talk about like being out in public. Not always gonna have that regulation station with you.

SPEAKER_00 5:13

So that is true. And so going out in public and your kid is like losing their mind, what are you gonna do? Uh I think the first thing to do is to calm yourself down. And so when our kids are in 11 out of 10, go low, go quieter. And so oftentimes our default is like to be louder than them, stop it right now. That's the whisper. Or if we squat down to their level, I think Olifend die is really helpful. I think all behavior is communication, and sometimes they're communicating. I'm scared of this, I don't like this, this person wouldn't let me sit there, etc. And so figuring out the symptom is a meltdown, but what is the underlying cause is often helpful. And then having an escape plan of okay, I love you, I'm for your good. If we can't take some big deep breaths together, we're gonna have to go home because we can't be this dysregulated while we're out and about.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah, that's true. And every kid's gonna understand that, even the little ones, you know.

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Yeah, because they don't want to go home.

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Exactly, exactly. So it's not like you have to negotiate and reason and all that kind of stuff that a lot of people like to do. You can just say, This is what it is. So this is what we're doing. We cannot be out here like this, so we're going home. Um, I I I think that's a great thing. So, a question about sort of male and female dynamics when it comes to discipline. You know, I've seen a lot of things in my own life and in social media and and things like that. And um, I wonder how you as a mom, how do you as a mom, you know, discipline your kids when wait, I don't want to be disrespectful. You're married, right? Sorry. Yeah. Okay, cool. Okay, sorry. I didn't want to make like assumptions or anything, but you know, how do you discipline your children or do your kids respond differently to you versus your husband? I guess I should ask.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, so I've heard this from many moms, and I have been married for 16 years, and we I remember taking a premarital class and knowing all the things, but there is no such thing as a pre-parenting class, and there really should be to figure out what is our lens that we're looking through, what is our goal as parents, like our end result should be that we're all on the same team, we're always on the same team, and the team is for like family unity and positive growth. It's not like me versus my husband, it's my husband and I, air and the kids versus sin. And so we're all on the same team. And I think I air to the side of leniency and my husband airs to the side of uh justice, but understanding his heart, he wants to raise kids that love and obey him so that when they are old, they will continue to love and obey God. And so continuing to uh uh teach them and to discipline them, even if that means a punishment, is ultimately because he is discipling them. He's not just disciplining them for the sake of making uh obedient sinners, he is discipling them in walking with the Lord all the days of their life. And so being able for he and I to be on the same page is really helpful. And kids don't come with gauges. And so sometimes it's just trusting one another. I will say, like, they need a hug, and he'd be like, they need better boundaries, and knowing that neither of us is probably 100% right all the time, but we can meet in the middle and align our parenting decisions, knowing we have the same goal.

SPEAKER_01 8:50

Yeah, most definitely. That's that's really important alignment. Now, the other thing I wanted to say, just say quickly to the listeners, she mentioned Rayanne mentioned that pre-parenting classes really aren't if they do exist, they're not super mainstream. I did want to let you guys know that if you go back in the podcast, The Gentle Year, look for the episode with Nathaniel Turner. His whole podcast episode is a masterclass on parenting and what a pre-parenting class could potentially, I don't want to say what it could look like because it's not like he came to the show and like had a syllabus and like told us about parenting. It wasn't like that. It was it was him talking about how he raised his child and how he figured it out and he has sort of a blueprint that might be of interest to you. So I just wanted to let the listeners know that Nathaniel Turner, go to his episode and definitely tune in to that after um, after Ray Ann's episode. So, Rayanne, you also said the this was a really powerful phrase. Obedient sinners. That that wasn't the objective of your of you or your husband to create obedient sinners. What does that mean exactly?

SPEAKER_00 10:03

We don't want behavior modifications, we want hearts change for Jesus. And so they can be obedient and color in the lines. I did that for many years without a relationship. And so we don't want our kids to like muscle through and try to brute force their way to self-control and kindness. We want our kids to know and love Jesus and rely on the Holy Spirit as they cultivate those gifts in themselves.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Okay, cool. Now, are there any games that you recommend for parents to play? I know that anything and everything, let me just let me go on record and say this. Anything and everything as far as a game is concerned. Okay, maybe not anything and everything, but a lot of things, most things are better than a video game. I am just gonna say that. Oh, 100%. And you're a science person, you're a brain person, you know this. I'm not, and I know this. So anyway, you wanna like take you wanna you want to tag team on that for a second?

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Yeah, so any like you mean a board game that lends the family together family unity, family regulation, yeah. So one game that I love is called OutFoxed, where it's a collaborative team game where you're trying to catch the fox who stole a pie before he makes it back to the foxhole. And so it's really fun because you guys are all working together. Another, my kids all love chess, um, which look here's what's up. I have three kids and a husband. That means I have four people that aren't me. Chess is a two-person game, and so I on purpose have not learned how to play chess so that I can read my book while they play. Um, but what's the cool thing about chess is how they are cheering on one another and like talking about strategy and what that looks like. And so I have a soft spot for chess. Um, we love spot it as a game that we keep it. I have one in my purse at all times because like if we have we're waiting in line at the doctor's office or we're waiting for something, we bust out spot it to do it. Um, trying to think. Uno is another great family collaborative game or flip seven. Have you ever played that?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

Oh, is yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

It's like coming to me, but I don't know if I played middle school flip seven is you're trying to flip seven unique cards up, and so there's like one, one, two, twos, three threes. Yes, but there's 11 11s and 12 12s, and so you're trying to get as many points and as many unique cards without going bust. And so what's really funny is my kids that have a lot of impulsivity, they bust all the time. My kids that have a lot of like patience, more of a late, they are flip seven sharks and will wipe the floor with us every time. Um, so I think I really love that game. I feel like there's such uh camaraderie that you get playing a game around the table as opposed to sitting side by side and playing a screen.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

It's just not the same, and it's different.

SPEAKER_01 13:03

No, do you have you studied brain science and the impact of video games?

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Yes, and it's a deluge of dopamine and the bright lights can um just cause so much overstimulation. And then when you remove it, kids are real it's really rough. Um, I also think there's a book called The Techwise Family by Andy Crouch that talks about how we should create before we can before we consume. And so creating these like great memories around a board game is so much better for our brains than just passively consuming, leveling up on a video game.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Yeah, definitely. And I don't know if this is true or not. I feel like it is, but the modern day video games are incredibly, incredibly visually stimulating.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Oh, yeah, they're so vivid. And yeah, sometimes those images can cause really negative thought loops for our kids because some of them are scary. And so they will have these like intrusive thoughts of a murder they saw in Grand Theft Auto or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Oh, that's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Five Nights at Freddy's, or yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah, no, that's a that's a really good point because the images, it's this is powerful, but the images that they're seeing in these video games, they are well, number one, they're replacing their imagination. So they they're not imagining. Because like you know, back in the day when you used to play video games and stuff, or I mean I played like I don't know, Super Nintendo or whatever, the graphics weren't, I mean, they were okay, but you had to imagine a lot. Yeah. And that's what you want. You want that brain stimulation, but you know, there's a lot of people that will argue, well, video games are fine. And um let me ask you another question before I go off on a tangent about video games. What's the impact from your lens from video games on like violence and violent tendencies?

SPEAKER_00 14:55

I think video games don't make kids violent, but video games normalize violence such that it decreases our inhibition in conflict resolution. And so everyone's gonna have someone in middle school or high school that makes them angry when video games normalize that we solve that anger with violence.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

So doesn't that by default make people more violent?

SPEAKER_00 15:19

It doesn't like lead to violence, they were going to be violent in either way. It just gives them more ideas for ways that that violence could play out. So maybe yes, I could say that they make them more violent.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

I mean, because if you think about it, if you were to take all violence out of video games, if you were, okay, and it was all just fun, you know, fun, whatever games. Like we bowling.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

Yeah, nobody's gonna come to blows over wee bowling.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Well, maybe, maybe not. I don't know. People have uh I've seen some pretty not that this is a video game, but I've seen some pretty crazy stuff on um on Instagram, like for pickleball and people fighting at pickleball courts and stuff. And so I know that's not video games. Yeah, people people have fought over less. So I mean, think about like some of these wars. Start on like the dumbest thing. But anyway, um, it's it's just interesting to me the the video game component on and the violent tendencies because I think it is easy for people to say, and not to like you know push back too hard on this, but like people say, oh, video games are innocuous, they don't create, they don't make people violent. Well, you know what? If you took violence out of the video games and there was no violence in video games, if there was no guns in video games, if there was no knives in video games, if there was no none of this in video games, then what's gonna happen to the behavior of the people when all of that is gone? That's and no one can no no one has come up with a set, not to me anyway, no one has come up with a satisfying answer to that. But um, okay, so Rihanna just wanna give you the last moment here just to kind of sum up everything. If you were going to take our listeners through a tour through your house and your life just for a moment, and um it it kind of explain what we would see on a day-to-day basis and kind of how you guys operate as a family. I know you've given us some tidbits on this. Um, can you just give us the grand tour? Give us the grand tour of La Casa de Ryan.

SPEAKER_00 17:16

So I love a system. Um, I was on a podcast earlier today and they were talking about what are your systems? And so if you were to come to my house, there would be checklists for everything. My kids are 10, 8, and 7. They do their own laundry, they have their own bedtime routine, they have a checklist in the morning, they take care of the dog. There's systems for everything. There is an early bedtime because I sleep, I think sleep is really important. There is friction between us and our screen. So we have a TV, it's probably turned on once a week, maybe. Um, more when UVA is playing in the national championship. Um wait, stop.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Are you in Virginia?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

I was as I did my undergrad at UVA. I'm in North Carolina now.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

Uh-huh. Perfect. I'm in Virginia. That's I'm right near UVA. I'm in Charlottesville.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Oh, that's awesome. Um, so we watch very little TV. There are lots of house plants because that is my love language. Um, there's also books, a whole board game cabinet. We have a space for everything and everything in its place. And so I love a system, I love things organized, I love space in the living room by the fireplace. There is cozy blankets and a regulation station tucked under the coffee table. There are snacks in the pantry that are not super rich in sugar or red dye because we know that they are a neuro irritant. But we still have fun. Yes, we we still have some goodies, they're just like the better earth or whatever, you know, they're the slightly healthier version because sugar is a neuro irritant, and I want my kids to be equipped to have the best version of themselves. There's a gib board for some balance activities, a jump reply box for some box jumps in the playroom because they got to move their bodies. And so my house is exactly what I teach other families to do. I prioritize sleep, I minimize screen time, we sweat and move our bodies, we go outside as much as possible because sunshine is so good for us. There are Bibles in multiple rooms. There, every kid has a bookshelf filled with lots of books because we love to read up in here. Um there are Bible verses on the walls, there are clean clothes in their drawers that they did themselves because they are rising to the occasion of completing the task. And then um, there is positive speech. Like we are really we care a lot about what we say to one another. And so if they say something unkind to their siblings, they have to say three things they love about them to kind of repair that relationship. And so anything else you want to know about Casa Day Johnson? I think that's awesome. It's pretty fun. There's usually some Forrest Frank blasting and probably a child running through the house at breakneck speeds. I'm kind of fascinated by the plants.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

So I do plants have an impact on mental health?

SPEAKER_00 20:17

I have no plants, so they have an impact on my mental health, they were my COVID coping strategy. There is some literature about um they improve air quality and but I just like them. They make me happy. And they that's how I reward myself for going to the gym, is I get another houseplant.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

So I think that's a great way to conclude, Rayanne. Thank you so much for being here on the gentle year. And guys, um, just connect with her. Tell tell us um two more questions. Tell us where you can find, tell us where we can find you, if you don't mind. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

At Brainwaves Wellness on Instagram and brainwaveswellness.com.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

Okay, cool. And then last question, this is something I ask all the guests of the show. And the question is, what do you believe is the most important education that a child could ever receive?

SPEAKER_00 21:05

I I think my default answer would be to know that they are loved by a God who doesn't make mistakes, that God made them, that God loves them, that God's for their good. I think the second most important thing they can learn is a love of learning, to just cultivate that habit that there's always something new to learn, and we should never stop striving to learn more about the things that we are passionate about.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

Really cool, really cool. Hats off to you, Ray Ann. Thank you so much for being here. And we'll hopefully see you. Maybe you can definitely come back if you ever want to talk to us about homeschooling or anything like that. We would appreciate, you know, any input that you have. And thank you again. Awesome.

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SPEAKER_00 21:40

Thank you so much for having me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

If you have listened to this three part series feeling grateful for the wisdom and information shared with us, I want to let you know that you are definitely not alone in feeling that way. A lot of people are moving through life feeling like they're missing something, missing direction, missing mentorship. Missing the tools to fully understand themselves or just the people around them. And the reality is that most of us were never formally trained on how to lead, communicate, think critically, or operate with any real sense of awareness. And that's why this community, the global information network, stood out to me. It's focused on training, leadership, mindset, communication, and learning how to navigate life with greater clarity, precision, and intention. This is not like motivational videos on YouTube and all of that. No, this is actual development that will change the way you approach challenges, relationships, and the opportunities before you. So if you've ever felt stuck, and I mean ever, if you have ever felt stuck in your life, or maybe you've overlooked or diminished your own potential, or maybe you have some drive and you've always wanted to sharpen the way you think and lead, this community may be something worth exploring. I'll leave the information in the description below. And again, thank you for listening to The Gentle Year.