The Children We Couldn't Save From Ourselves | Caasi O'Day (Finale)

What if the problem was never that you were "too much"?

In this deeply personal conversation, therapist Caasi shares the moment that changed the course of her life. As a teenager struggling with anger, fear, and loneliness, she learned firsthand what happens when honesty is met with rejection rather than understanding.

Together, we explore the hidden wounds beneath difficult behavior, the fear of asking for help, why so many people secretly believe they are a burden, and the powerful role relationships play in healing.

We also discuss:

• Why some people stop asking for help altogether
 • The connection between worthiness and rejection
 • What therapists often miss when they focus only on words
 • Why the body holds trauma long after the mind understands it
 • The importance of emotional intelligence in children
 • Family systems and the hidden influence parents have on their children
 • The therapeutic alliance and why feeling safe matters more than most people realize

If you've ever felt like you were too much, not enough, or somehow difficult to love, this conversation may resonate more than you expect.

This episode is sponsored by Your Wish Is Your Command, a transformational success and mindset program focused on helping people reshape the way they think, create, and pursue personal growth. USE CODE YWFREE to access the audio for FREE.

Join The Gentle Year Facebook Group

This episode of The Gentle Year is powered by Turning The Tide Tutoring, Shared Humanity: A Field Agent's Journey into the Human Mind, personalized academic coaching for students who think differently, and Acting With Pippi, where creativity and confidence come to life on and off the stage.

This episode is also sponsored by Your Wish Is Your Command, a transformational success and mindset program focused on helping people reshape the way they think, create, and pursue personal growth.

Some of the links in this episode may be affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. I only share products, programs, and resources that I personally use, believe in, and genuinely feel have had a meaningful impact on my own life and work. Thank you for supporting The Gentle Year and helping make these conversations possible.

🎙️ The Gentle Year with Knikki Hernandez

 Helping families, educators, and individuals better understand themselves and the people they love.

Turning The Tide Tutoring
Sponsored by Turning The Tide Tutoring — empowering students and parents to grow and thrive.

Acting With Pippi
Acting with Pippi is acting program that helps youths build courage & presence through performance.

Your Wish Is Your Command
A resource for deepening awareness around thought patterns, perception, and intentional response.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What if the behaviors we judge most harshly are actually protecting wounds we never took time to understand? Today, in this episode finale, therapist Cassie O'Day joins me for a raw and thought-provoking conversation about trauma, worthiness, and asking for help. The gentle year is proudly supported by turning the tide tutoring, acting with Pippi, shared humanity, a field agent's journey into the human mind, and your wish is your command. Thank you for listening. I know you said that you went to therapy and you thought, oh, all these psychotherapists were stupid and they were dumb and all that, and they couldn't understand you and stuff. Was there a specific moment that you recall where maybe a psychotherapist said something to you that just so didn't resonate or whatever the case was? And you said, never again, I'm going to, I'm, I'm going to fix this on my on my own. True to form, of course, because that's what you've always done. But was there a specific moment or catalyst?

SPEAKER_02 1:20

I think that in the therapy room, a lot of therapists want you to be vulnerable and they want you to be honest. And what I have found with a lot of my clients is when they do that, the therapist doesn't know what to do. They don't know how to hold that space for them. Sometimes they'll send them to a hospital, you know, sometimes, you know, they'll just kind of bypass that and go to something else because it's a lot, right? Which goes back to my my theme, my narrative is I'm a lot. And so I was in a psychiatrist's office and I was really angry and kind of sick of everything. And he asked me, What are you thinking? And so I answered him honestly. And I told him I was thinking about picking up some scissors and stabbing him. Now I wasn't gonna do that. You asked me what I was thinking. I hated the world, I hated him, I hated my parents, I hated myself. So I wanted to hurt someone. And the scissors were right there. So of course I got escorted out of the office, and you know, and then shortly after that, I was shipped across the country um to live with my godparents because that's where they decided to send me instead of a group home because I was excited about the group home because it was going to be in a bigger city and there was gonna be some cute boys there. I knew there was, and so you know. And when I moved across country to live with my godparents that I hadn't seen in a decade, I didn't get put in therapy. I didn't get put in any kind of service. So, guess what I did when I got there? I found the group of kids that got in trouble, that did the drugs, that did all the things. And so it was that moment truly when that person kind of was like, I can't help you. I don't know what to do with you. And so people want us to be honest. Well, I was honest. I if I was truly honest and I felt like I could have been safe, I would have said, I'm really scared, I feel alone, I'm really angry, and I don't I don't know what to do, and I don't know who's going to help me. But I'm not gonna say that when I feel like the whole world is against me, when my parents are telling me that I'm a pain and that I'm a burden and that I'm too much and that they've made me a ward of the state because they don't want to deal with me. Am I gonna tell someone? Like, I can't tell the people on the streets how scared and sad I am. Like, that's a weakness. I'm gonna get beat up, jumped, put a have a gun in my face. Like, that is not what I was going to do. Now I know that's how I felt and I can say that, but not then. And so that was the moment that I I want to be there for people and I want to hold that space when they say these really tough things to me. And so, what I'll get in my office a lot are clients that are like, I'm a lot, I'm a lot, right? I'm a lot, I'm a lot. And they almost want that validation. And I'm like, nope, not really. And then they they want to convince me they're a lot or too much. And so what I find is that's often what they've been told. That's what other professionals have told them or their family members have told them. And sometimes I find clients that are a little too relatable to me and they kick up some of my own stuff, and then I have to either refer them out or or work with myself to make sure that I don't blend with that. But yeah, it was that feeling of like you're just too much, which again goes back to my first early childhood trauma. You're too much, right? You're too much.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

There's a saying that if you love and respect people, you'll go far. But the question is, how far? In a personal setting, how far can respect, care, and love go? What about in a professional setting? And have you ever truly found yourself at a limit that you knew you could not come back from with someone you knew you cared about? Kenzie also brings up an excellent point about validating traumatic behavior. I'm a lot, right? I'm a lot, right? Obviously, this is going to vary from individual to individual, but do you think that this type of behavior is just a test to see how much someone truly cares or something else? Is is too much in saying I'm too much and I'm a lot. Is that synonymous with saying I'm unworthy?

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Yeah, in some ways, absolutely. I'm unworthy of time, of energy, of you know, love, of help. You know, as you probably can guess, I don't ask for help. But that's that's something new in the last couple of years. You know, when I divorced my husband, that I realized like I really need I can't do this alone. I don't want to do this alone. And as I stepped more into my feminine energy, it felt easier to ask for help. Is it something I still feel wonderful about? No, I still get the gut stuff come up when I'm asking for help. But yeah, I think there is definitely that worthiness piece that that shows up with that.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

And then if you ask someone for help, is there a fear that they will say no or just flat out reject you?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Absolutely. You know, one of the things I very likely wouldn't do in the past is ask for help unless I knew for sure you were gonna help me, right? Like rejection is terrifying. It's so difficult for me. And I and again, most people wouldn't believe that. I come off the strong front, nothing bothers me. I can teach you how to do that in the room, and everybody's like, wow, Cassie, you must be so good at it. No, I'm not. And so that's why I like to be honest with my clients that I struggle too in this room. You see somebody different than you're gonna see in my day-to-day life. But yeah, I even asking my parents, you know, one of the reasons I struggled so much in my relationship is we didn't have a lot of one-on-one time. And I would ask my parents, can can you watch the kids? Can you babysit them? And oftentimes they would be like, you know, or I would drop them off when they would finally say, Yes, what time are you coming to get them? And it was a joke. And I finally had to sit down after I told them about a dozen times and say, It's not funny, like it hurts me, it hurts me so bad, and then it makes me want to lash out at you because that protective part wants to punch you in the face, and so I don't love it. And and I'll be honest, it still is really hard for me to ask for help and be told no. And then I go to myself and let myself know it's not because you're not worthy. Lots of times, it's because people have their own stuff. They would like to help, and they still have to take care of themselves too. And the help might look a little bit different than I'd like for it to do, for it to look, and they're doing what they can. And so that's been a big growth point for me is even if someone's giving me something, I'll notice it's not good enough. It's not good enough. I don't, it's not enough for me. And I have to tell myself, that's for you to work on, Cassie. Like they're doing what they can, and you have to receive what they're willing to give you. Because if you don't receive that and you push that back, how much are people gonna continue to try to offer you? Right. So, and that's allowed me to offer people what I have to offer and not feel like I have to overextend myself, which is what I did very early in my career, which led to burnout, and no longer do because I can give you what I can give you, right?

SPEAKER_00 8:42

It's true that asking for help can sometimes feel icky, but asking for help is not always about asking for a favor or requesting labor. Sometimes asking for help is really just an invitation to invite someone to experience a part of themselves that they actually enjoy, like feeling competent, feeling needed, feeling respected, feeling included, feeling trusted, feeling generous. I'm going to give you a couple of tips that have helped me reframe how I ask for help now. If I try to appeal to someone's sense of competence, I might say, you're really good at this. Can I get your opinion? Or it's clear that you've done this before, what would you do in my shoes? If I'm trying to show them that I trust them, I might say, I've been thinking about this particular issue and I'd love your perspective. If I know that someone has a desire to be included, I might say, I'm working on something and I thought of you today. If I want help from someone who is always butting into something, or perhaps maybe they're the type of person that likes to put their two cents into everything, I might say to them, you know, I think you could make this better. Would you be willing to take a look at this? I think you might see some of the things that I'm missing. And I'll say this honestly, because a lot of times this strategy works a lot more on men than it does on women, but it's trying to appeal to their sense of heroicism. So if someone is saving me in a situation, perhaps I have a flat timer or I need an oil change or something along those lines, I might go up to that individual and say, you know, you're probably gonna laugh at me, but I just can't figure this thing out. Please share those in the Gentle Year Facebook community or in the comment section of this podcast so that we can all learn and grow together. One of the questions that I wanted to ask you, Cassie, was is it difficult for therapists to identify the true wound of an individual because the psychotherapist is paying too much attention to the words? And the reason why I say that is because your remark to the other therapist, I want to, you know, pick up a knife and stab you right now. I would have immediately known, at least with you, I can't say the same for every single person on the planet. But if I were your psychotherapist, and I have no qualifications whatsoever, but if I were your psychotherapist and you had said that to me, I would have said, Are you sure about that? Like immediately would have known that that's not what you wanted to say and that that was a defense mechanism, clearly. I mean, it's so obvious to me. It's it's just the sky, it's as obvious as the sky is blue. So, you know, why did why did they not notice that? And from your professional experience, is it easier to pay attention to the words and not the actual wound of the person?

SPEAKER_02 11:31

Really good question. Um I I think there's some wonderful therapists in in my city, and there's a lot of therapists that will stick to the words, right? That kind of focus on what you're saying. They want to do cognitive behavioral therapy, they don't want to dive deeper, they don't want to do the hard work. And I really do think that limits what we're gonna be able to offer our clients. Um, whether, you know, and even as I say this, I I'm why do I question this? I know this. I have a sense, I have a gift, I have an ability to walk into a room and meet someone and be able to kind of feel and know. And we have a short conversation, right? And and I'm not the one being interviewed, but I'm just sitting with you. If you and I were to sit in a room together, I pretty quickly can can see a picture, I can feel it. And I think that's what makes my work differently my work different is that I don't focus on the words, right? I will call you on your shit, I will notice your tiny sorry about the language. Oh, you're fine? Okay. You're totally fine. Everybody's a part of that. Okay, I will, I will call you on it. I notice the tiniest, tiniest little movements that you will make. And and and I think that's the thing is that people they ignore that. And in the last five years, as I focused more and more, I always knew the body, you know, held the score. It was where things were. Um, but I didn't necessarily believe in my own strength and power to be able to really lean into that because it's very woo-woo to some people. And it that's where it is, that if we don't go in that direction, people will just go into therapy year after year and they'll say, yeah, it kind of helps. It doesn't really help. Well, it doesn't because talking truly does not help us. We need to get into the body because that is where it lives. And we need to help the nervous system, we need to help the attachment. We really need to do the hard work. And like you said, these true wounds are oftentimes ignored because those protectors that show up in the room. And so that's why I do work with a population that a lot of people in my city say, oh, we don't want to work with, or you know, I get a lot of first responders, military men. I love working with men. If I can make a man cry in my office, like I'm so excited about it. Like it's it's like the best thing possible, you know, that could possibly happen because they don't have that space where they can say and do those things. They'll, oh, you know, I don't, I don't do this or I don't do that. And I'm like, come on, you know, and the second I see that mouth shake or the tear start to come into the eye, I'm gonna call you on it and it's gonna make you uncomfortable and you're gonna start sweating and you're gonna start squirming. And that's what we need, right? But also a place where someone can hold that. And and I'll go sit on the couch next to my clients. I'll hold your hand as you're going through your trauma work, I'll dab your tears as you're going through hard stuff. And a lot of people, you know, our ethics are there for a reason, but also sometimes attachment is um compromised within a relationship. And the way that we heal attachment is within the context of a relationship as well. And so lots of times my relationship with these clients is an opportunity to see that it can be safe. Now we're not gonna be friends after this, we're not gonna hang out, I'm not gonna go to Thanksgiving with you. But if you can work through that in the therapy room and learn to understand your own body and how to work with that, then when you go to see mom or you go to see grandma, it's gonna give you that strength and that knowing of how to do it.

SPEAKER_00 15:03

Cassie mentions two really important points. The first being that the body holds the score, and the key to alleviating the symptoms and the situation or the trauma itself is getting into the body. My question is, what does that mean to you? Cassie also alludes to a concept. She refers to it as the relationship between the therapist and the patient, and vice versa, but there's a technical term for this, and it is called the therapeutic alliance. This is known as the therapeutic relationship or working alliance. It is the collaborative bond between a therapist and a client. It's widely considered the most crucial predictor of success in psychotherapy, and it is built on mutual trust, empathy, and open communication. My question for you is what does a medical practitioner who establishes a strong therapeutic alliance do differently than one who has or establishes a weak therapeutic alliance with their patients? Cassie, can you talk to us a little bit more about the complexities of the familiar relationships that you're dealing with in therapy?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Yeah, um, you know, lots of times I'll get so for now, right now, I only work with, I would say about 14 and up when it comes to kids because I talk like this, you know, with children, with teens, and it doesn't go well when you're talking like that with a seven-year-old, you know. And so what I tell the parents is, you guys are the primary therapist. I'm just gonna be in the room with them for, you know, maybe an hour, an hour and a half a week for maybe a year, maybe two. And if you don't change, they're not going to change, you know. You know, I don't know how many times a parent will say, This kid's the problem, this is you know what's going on. And as I'm sitting there listening to the parent talk, I see the dad in the son. The son is in the dad. Like you are the same person, and you want him to change his behavior, but you're not changing your behavior. You want him to be accountable, but you're not being accountable. You want him to deal with his substance use, you're not dealing with your substance use, you know? And so it is about having those hard conversations with people. And and I'll bring parents in the room, I'll bring the blended families in the room, and I'll say the tough stuff to them of you guys have to figure your shit out. And if you don't, your kid is not going to be able to grow in the way that you want them to. They will later down the road when they get out of your house and they're able to do some of their own work. But if you want them to get it together now, you have to get it together. You have to learn to regulate yourself so you can co-regulate your child. And, you know, I'm guilty of it too, where I'm yelling at my kid, telling him to calm down and to stop talking to me like that. Well, I'm yelling at him. I'm talking to him like that. How am I gonna expect my child to do something that I'm not even capable of doing at almost 45 years old? And so what has happened is so many of us have grown up without that guidance. And then we're raising children. And so sometimes that is the first opportunity that the family or the parents have had a chance to even get therapy themselves, is when they come into their room because their child is a problem, right? And so really looking at it at that system level is necessary.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

Cassie shares an important point about the systems or the environment that we're raising kids in. And I'm going to share with you some information that may appeal to religious listeners more so than agnostic or atheistic ones, but the point is still the same. As I read this information to you, I want you to consider the type of environment that you personally were raised in. This information comes from the parable of the sower. Listen carefully. That same day, Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it while all the people stood on the shore. Then he told them many things in parables, saying, A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still, other seed fell on good soil where it produced a crop a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was shown. Whoever has ears, let them hear. Do you ever wonder who's manipulating who? Do you ever wonder, like, is the child manipulating me, or is it the parents that are trying to manipulate me and get me to think a certain way about my child and vice versa? And how do you sift through all that?

SPEAKER_02 19:35

But I think they're all manipulating me to a point. We're human beings, right? So I think that's the problem is when you only see the teenager, you're only hearing one side of the story. And so when I hear their story, yeah, the parents are the bad guys, or yeah, this is the problem. And then when I have the parent in the room, it it takes 60 minutes for me to very clearly see what's going on. And and that's where, again, it takes someone that's strong in their, I guess, you know, their their skill and their education to be able to look at some very powerful people and say, you're the problem. Like you are the problem. And and they don't always want to hear that. And, you know, sometimes my colleagues will say, Well, how long are you going to keep that client for? It's actually surprising when I call some people that you see on the billboards or that are, you know, sitting in the courtrooms and say, hey guys, like you're part of the problem here, because they're not used to hearing that. They use, you know, their bank account or their education or their status in town to get away with everything. I mean, I've done it. That's manipulation. That's how we've learned to survive in certain situations, right? And so most of the time, they will respond well to that because I do it in the context of a relationship. I use humor, I use self-disclosure, I use things so that people know I'm not judging you. Like I lose my shit too. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. And you need to acknowledge that if you want your child to thrive.

SPEAKER_00 21:07

Do you think then some way that the clients, you know, who are powerful, do they sort of respect you more when you are more direct with them? Is it is is that what's keeping them around and making them sort of stay? Because maybe they're surrounded by yes people all the time that stroke their ego constantly.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

I think a lot of them are surrounded by yes people that stroke their ego. And to be honest, I do a fair amount of that. You know, I know how to do the little dance to make you still feel special, and you're not that special, right? We're all just pe we're all just people. Like, I don't care who you are. We're a man, we're a woman, we're we're we are people. And so I think that I don't know, it would be interesting to ask some of them what keeps them coming back from the way that I sometimes address them in the room or how I have difficult conversations with them. But what I've usually got And back is people don't say these things to us. And you say really hard stuff, and it forces us to look at ourselves. And usually at the bottom of it, people want the best for themselves. They just don't know how to get it. They only know what they've developed in order to survive in life. And it's not until someone shows them, hey, this may not be working for your kid. It might be working for you, but it's not working for your kid. And if you don't want to pass that down, you got to make some changes too. And those are usually the ones that I'll end up losing when they're not ready to make those changes. Because it is really hard to look at your own stuff. But I would say probably 80% of them are willing to do that hard work. Um, and if they're not, that's okay. I'm still gonna say the hard stuff. And earlier in my career I wasn't, but the the longer I've been doing this, I I feel confident in being able to say that to whoever comes in the room.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Who's the biggest liar? The kids or the parents?

SPEAKER_02 23:00

The parents.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

I'm not surprised. I think there's people listening to the show that would probably be surprised, but I'm not surprised by that at all.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

No, no, yeah, the parents are the biggest liars, you know. And that's the thing is that when I mess up with my kid, I have to immediately own it. You know, it's so quick to be like, well, you did this or you did that, or you, and it's like, nope, mommy just did something I should not have done that. I own my my behavior, I'm responsible for that. Mommy's in therapy, that's why mom's trying to figure out her stuff so that she it's like a ping pong, right? I hit the ball over here, you're gonna hit it back. And so again, this is a child. I don't care if the child's 20, if the child's 10. It's still the role as the parent to be the guide. And the the parents, they don't want to own their shit. They just don't. And I get that. So again, trying to help them see like this is not about judgment. This is about like, has anyone held the space for you, for you to be a human being and not be the perfect parent? Because there's so much pressure on us as parents to make sure our children behave and listen and do what they're supposed to at all times. Well, they're not going to.

SPEAKER_00 24:06

Cassie stated that she's often dealing with parents with power, and that most of the time the people who are more likely to lie in these family therapy sessions are the parents over the kids. Out of the following four words, which one do you think is the highest motivating reason or factor for why that might be the case? A perception, B, control, C, unconscious awareness, or D, automaticity. So if you could dismantle one structural norm in therapy tomorrow, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 24:46

Well, I think I already do it. Um I but I think it I don't even know if that's a black or white, but the the the lack of self-disclosure that is just taught to us, you know, like we have to be a professional around, we have to act a certain way, we can't cuss, we can't be a human, we can't share things with our clients. I just think that's crap. Um, and and that's one of the things that my clients say they appreciate about me is they they know that I'm a human being. You know, when I divorced my husband, I was a mess at work. I tried, but I there was no way I could hold that together. I didn't get any new clients. I got a few, but I didn't advertise because I knew I couldn't do it. And I think that's the biggest thing is if they see you as a human being, they're gonna be more likely to be a human being with you. And so I wish that we had more of that. The problem is there's not enough probably people that know how to contain that. And I'm not perfect at containing it either, right? So that's I think that's one of the biggest problems in therapy is that we're just supposed to be a bit of a robot and people are not gonna open up to robots.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

I understand where you're coming from. I mean, as a I'm not a psychotherapist, but as a teacher, I can, you know, I can relate, you know, when you when a student shares something with you, you know, you want to assure them that it's gonna be all right, you know. And sometimes that requires you to to to share and relate to them to to an extent, not where it's crossing a boundary or anything like that, but you know, to an extent so that they can see you as as someone who understands. Because I know how difficult it can be, you know, trying to relate to somebody who's stoic and has no feelings or you know about it. And that's just a tough thing. So, okay, two more questions. First of all, Cassie, it's really been a pleasure having you here. So I want to make sure that people get a chance to be able to find you. Where where can people connect with you in the best way?

SPEAKER_02 26:37

Well, I have a website. My website is www.polarizedparts.com, which is the name of my business. On that website, you know, they have if you want therapy, there's therapy, but there's also courses for clients or non-clients. So if you're interested in exploring different things, very cost effective, because I am cash pay and not everybody can afford that. Also on Instagram and on Facebook, you can find me with at Polarized Parts and connect with me there.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Okay, cool. The polarized parts was a really interesting name because it reminded me of that experience you shared where you you said that the energy split in you. The polarized part is that I don't know if there's a connection there, but that's what it made me think of. So I believe it. Okay, and then the last question this is something that I always ask all the guests on the show. And the question is, what do you believe is the most important education that a child could ever receive?

SPEAKER_02 27:45

Well, I mean, that's such a vast question. One of the things that I wish that they would bring into school systems is how to manage our emotions, how to deal with our feelings a bit better. Like, I I wish there was an elective or a special, you know, as they call it in my kids' elementary school, because there are so many parents and adults out there that don't know how to do it themselves. And so kids don't learn how to do it. And then, especially little boys, they grow up with that idea of like feelings are stupid or that's not what we do. And if they had a space to learn how to do that, to see that it's welcome, to see their PE teacher, you know, go out and play soccer with them, and then they talk about what it was like when we didn't get our goal. And that's one of the things that I would love for kids to have more introduction to at a young age is how do we deal with our feelings? How do we talk about not feeling liked in the classroom? How do we deal with what it's like as they start to split into those different groups? And instead they just all hold it in. Nobody talks about it. And so if kids could learn how to do that, I think that would really, you know, this sounds, you know, grandiose. I think it would change the world. I think emotional intelligence is powerful and there's not enough of it because it just wasn't taught. There wasn't space for it.

SPEAKER_00 29:06

Yeah, and there's not a whole lot of space for people to truly be themselves, like the real Cassie. Not a whole lot of space for those types of things. And so if we could hold that space and allow people to be who they are and love them, then I mean that heals, I don't know, 99.9% of problems.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

Absolutely. And and all parts of us, right? That we are we're we are very, you know, complex beings. And so there's all different parts of us, and parts will show up in different places. And I think, like you said, to have space where the sports part can show up and then the sensitive part can show up. So I love when I meet with the the jocks that are also in theater, and they have the courage to tell their jock friends, look, dude, you know, bruh isn't the new word. Like, look, bruh, like I like to do this. And it's like I love those kids because they're teaching others that we don't have to just be one thing, that we are very complex beings and we can embrace all parts of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 29:58

Yeah, that's true. I was tutoring a kid last night and she she likes to write. And I said, Oh, do you want to be a writer one day? Do you want to do you want to be an author? And almost as if she was programmed to say this, she goes, No, I want to be a doctor. It's very robotic. And I said, Well, you know that doctors can be authors too, right? Wait, wait, really? Really? And I'm like, Yeah. So anyway, that's a story for another day.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

That gives you the opportunity to give those kids the that place, right? That they may not hear it any other place than you, and those seeds that we plant in individuals, like the day I was sitting in that conference and heard that one question who would you be if you knew you were safe? That changed my whole life. And you saying to that girl might change her. She might not know it, but it might be something that rings in her head for years to come. And again, having that courage to say those things and be ourself is important.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Yeah, most definitely. Well, you are safe here on the gentle year, if nowhere else. So I want to invite you. You're very welcome. I want to invite you anytime you want to come back on the show, if you want to talk about something, um, just to uh spread some awareness about maybe something you're you care about or you're passionate about, just hit me up. We'll we'll get you back on this show because I know people will definitely want to hear more from you because your experience is um it's provocative, it's interesting, it's cutting, it's humorous, it's all all of the things. And I know we've just barely skimmed the surface of all of it today. So thank you again. We appreciate your time. And I'm sure that um I'm sure that you're gonna, I think a massage. Is that what you're getting right now?

SPEAKER_02 31:36

I'm getting a massage after this.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

All right, cool.

SPEAKER_00 31:39

Well, enjoy that massage, Cassie, and we will be in touch. And I appreciate you for being on the show today.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Thank you so much, Nikki.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Some of the key takeaways that I had today was that many people who describe themselves as too much aren't actually talking about their behavior. They're talking about how they feel their needs are too much, or their emotions are too much, or just that their existence is too much. And people who carry that belief for a long time, they honestly start to feel that asking for help feels way too dangerous than they'd like to admit. Cassie also stated that one of the questions that changed her life is who would she be if she finally felt safe? And it's true that people do say that they want authenticity, safety, vulnerability, openness from others. But the real question is, what do we do when somebody finally gives it to us? And the last takeaway is that whether you agree with Cassie's perspective or not, one message comes through loud and clear. When we focus exclusively on fixing the child, we may miss the environment that helped create them in the first place. And I'll say one last thing for the people who feel that maybe they were too much as well. Perhaps the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, and the hyper-independence, or maybe even the fear of asking for help, really isn't the problem. Maybe the real problem is that you were convinced that you were too much. But I have one question for you. Who would you be if you no longer believed that? Thank you so much for listening to The Gentle Year, and please stay tuned for a message from your wish is your command, a book that radically changed my life.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

It's a success system that can't fail. It's been called the success system that never fails. After getting your wishes their command, I went from 5k on my bank account to 8 million. In one and a half years, 90% of the people that read the secret who tried to use the law of attraction or any of the training that's available from any of the other success gurus, they try to apply it, but for some reason they don't get the results they want. And that's why they say the law of attraction is a scam. It's not really a scam because the mind does create what you want, but there's missing ingredients to the recipe. And when they don't apply and use those missing ingredients, they're not gonna get the results anymore. I learned it properly, and that's how I created billions of dollars in sale, and now I teach it to others, and everyone who's using it is getting spectacular results. Your wish is your command is really what started her off at the time. I didn't even have a job. Today I make about a quarter million dollars. I bought a Porsche, I manifested a Rolex, I manifested the home of my dreams. I got a hold of your wishes your command, and after I finished it, my life changed. My income doubled.