23 - Bringing the Main Character Energy to Your Mompreneur Journey with Emily MacDonald

Inside this episode, entrepreneur and mom of 2 Emily MacDonald shares her inspiring journey of rebuilding what meaningful work looked like for her after realizing that being away at a teaching job all day (with a 45-minute commute) was not how she wanted her motherhood journey to feel. 

Emily shares powerful insights unpacking:

• How our mompreneur journey evolves alongside the changing seasons of motherhood
• How we can better navigate feelings of mom guilt
• How we can reclaim the main character role in our own life (even within systems that have been created to render us powerless)
• And so much more!

No matter what stage of business ownership you're in as an ambitious mom, you'll find that this episode is full of honest confessions and insightful perspective on what it means to truly live your life in alignment. 

If you resonate with Emily's journey, follow her on Instagram: @honestlyemilyrose and tune into her podcast, The Sparkle Project Podcast! 

You can also check out her community, The Mom Friends Collective!

Get access to the Success Recalibration Ritual here! You deserve to feel good about the way you're doing life and business and motherhood no matter what season of life you're in. 

Are you an ambitious mom looking to start or grow your business in a way that feels aligned? Here's what to do next:

1. Follow me on Instagram @MomBossFreedom and subscribe to the podcast so you don't miss the newest episodes! If this content really resonates with you, be sure to leave a review and star rating as well<3
2. Schedule a 15-minute clarity + connection chat to share more about your business and the vision you have for what's next. (I do currently have 1:1 business coaching spots open!)
3. Access the Success Recalibration Ritual so you can start feeling more successful more often as a mom and business owner!
4. Head here for freebies and to learn how to get nervous-system-safe coaching as an ambitious mom building a meaningful business.

If you're reading this, our paths were meant to cross :) I can't wait to support you in starting or growing your business as a busy mom!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Hey mama, welcome to the Mom Boss Freedom Podcast, where ambitious moms come to build and grow businesses that give them the freedom and flexibility that they deserve as both a mom and an incredibly talented human. Whether you're brand new to entrepreneurship or scaling a business you already started, you're in the right place. I'm your host, Paige Figaroa, mom of two and former English teacher turned online business owner. Around here, we talk about making space for both your big dreams and those little moments you don't want to miss as a mom. So repeat your coffee one more time and let's dive into today's episode. Welcome to another episode of the Mom Boss Freedom Podcast. Today we have a really cool guest. Her name is Emily McDonald, and she is a mom of two, a former teacher who began her entrepreneurial journey when uh her kids were really little. And she is gonna talk to us all about her journey as a Montpreneur and all of the incredible business endeavors that she has right now, which are so, so, so cool. And so I can't wait for you to listen in on this conversation and just benefit from all of the incredible gems that she shares about motherhood and about entrepreneurship and everything in between. So enjoy this listen. So uh welcome Emily McDonald. I'm so excited to have you on the Mom Boss Freedom podcast today. Um, you have you have such a cool journey. I only just started like coming into your orbit, but I'm so excited to get to learn more about you today and your journey as a podcaster, as a mompreneur, and just like kind of like a champion for building other moms up with all that they are capable of doing. And so I'd love for you to just take us back to the beginning of your motherhood journey because I feel like for so many of us, that's that's really where our like journey, our second leg of life begins. So, where what were what was going on for you when you became a mom and like your worlds of motherhood and work kind of collided?

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah, so I would say like my start to motherhood is a kind of non-typical one. I was 23 when I got pregnant with my first son, um, and was going through school to become a teacher, getting my teaching credential, and ended up like taking a quarter off, having a baby, and then going back to school six months or three, no, not six months later, three months later, full-time student teaching. Um, so I was like right back to work basically without like much leave. I mean, I guess three months could be considered like pretty decent for some people, but um fortunately though, I was able to my then partner and his dad and my mom were able to do all the childcare during that time. So there was never like I think having my first son at 23 when I wasn't really exactly prepared for it, there were some perks to that in the sense that like we were gonna need help. Yeah, we were gonna be accepting the help, and there was never any, I guess, friction around accepting that help and having my kid with family being watched, which I think a lot of parents can struggle with, like letting somebody else take their kid or asking for help in those ways. And that was just like it was a necessity, it was gonna happen. So there was that. Um, but that was he was born in 2018. So you can imagine that then I get my first teaching job in 2019, and then the world shuts down. Oh my gosh. And I'm now thrown into this world of working from home, which comes with this oh weird set of like, how do I navigate the boundaries here? What is this actually supposed to look like? And of course, like in 2020, we didn't have like those conversations were pretty new because it was all of a sudden all of us were just at home trying to navigate this. And my son was 18 months when the pandemic started. Fast forward, I had my second son in 2021 while I was working from home, teaching from home. Um, and shortly after he was born, I got into the world of what I call motherhood support in the online space and really like became very passionate about having conversations about motherhood and the importance of sharing our experiences, honestly, for other moms to be able to like even understand their experiences. Um, I was still teaching, I went back to work, like into the classroom with now two kids, like a whole new world, right? We're wearing masks, like it just it's really wild to think about all of that time and how it shaped it. But I I struggled going back to work. I struggled with my 45-minute commute both ways and like just feeling like I don't want to do this, I don't want to be somewhere where I don't feel like I'm valued, all of that, and missing out on time with my kids. Um, and so I ended up at the end of that school year deciding for a plethora of reasons not to return to teaching and to step into entrepreneurship full-time, um, or you know, as much as I could at that time, you know, it was kind of a slow build. Um but definitely like with I think it's just interesting looking at like the amount of experiences I had in different ways working and being a mom, working outside of the home, spending so much time outside of the home working and driving to work, and then also navigating the work from home piece of it, which it's just a whole other world.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

So yeah, it's it it I love that you were mentioning that I feel like because there's a I was almost gonna ask you like which was harder, but I'm like, I feel like they're both hard, right? Like because when you're at work, I I was a teacher for nine years, and when I was at work, I only went back for one year after I had my twins, but it was really hard being away from them all day. But then as you said, once I did leave work to embrace entrepreneurship, it's hard in that regard too, because then those boundaries do really blend, and it's so hard to, you know, like turn off that work mode when you're like you're in the house all day and you're kind of like in that environment of being mom all day, too. So that's really interesting. And uh, I'm just curious, what what were you teaching?

SPEAKER_00 6:32

Like what grade level or subject or so I was teaching kindergarten the first year of the pandemic, which I how do you even do that online with kindergartners?

SPEAKER_02 6:41

My kid four-year-olds did a Zoom virtual call the other day with their daycare when we had a snow day. And after like 20 minutes, I was like, I'm turning this off. I cannot manage doing this.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Yeah, I mean, it was there wasn't much teaching going on. It was we had a really cool app that like we would assign things out, and at that point it was like if they do it, cool, if not, like also yeah. But then I taught third grade the next two years, so the kids were a little bit older, yeah. Um, and I I loved that. Like I loved being around third graders. It's kind of funny. My son is in second grade right now. I'm like, oh, you're about to like hit this sweet spot. Third graders are really awesome. Um, but I did it was interesting, like how at first going to work it felt like a really great break. I'm somebody who needs like good time away from my kids for sure. Like, I'm I don't pretend that I don't, like we all do better when I am not with them close to 24-7. Um, but it was I think like the kind of seeing what it was when we were like in the midst of the pandemic and I was home, and then going back to it and realizing like all the things with the system that I wasn't stoked on. It like really was this kind of like shift of like no, like this is really hard. I don't want to do this, but it it also was then hard being home and being the like default parent who was not only the default parent because I just was, but also now I'm home. So obviously it all falls on me, which was not ever my goal. I didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, right? Like that just wasn't what I was wanting.

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Yeah. No, I I definitely relate to those conversations and even something I was talking about with my husband the other day. And I feel like there's almost this with the way that motherhood is right now, and this was was what I was gonna ask you next anyway, with like the mental load of motherhood. It's like how how do you feel like your experience of being a mompreneur then kind of like um I guess made that mental load of motherhood even more like a sense of pressure on you throughout the day and be because that's something that I very much relate to too, right? Like I didn't sign up to be a stay-at-home mom. I signed up to have more flexibility with my work hours so that I can like, you know, do the things that I want with the kids and like also still do work that I really like. But I didn't sign up to be like, you know, like a trad wife or like be doing dishes and laundry and cooking all day long. Like, that's not what I signed up for. So I'm just curious what that mental load of motherhood looked like for you as a younger mompreneur and um just navigating that.

SPEAKER_00 10:15

Yeah, I mean, I think it's important to say right off the bat that like the mental load is going to naturally, naturally is not really the right word, but it's going to fall on the mom. And like a heterosexual relationship with a mom and a dad in the home, like it that's just the way our society functions. And like everybody's gonna expect, whether it's outright or not, that the mom is the default, right? Like, I mean, I I still the school always calls me first, even I'm I'm separated and going through a divorce, and when the kids are with dad, like the school still calls me first. I'm like, hey, they're with like it's what you're calling is not no big deal. Do you mind calling dad? You know, I don't want to. Yeah, but I think like that just kind of naming that that the mental load is given to minds. Like we just we take on the bulk of that based on societal norms and societal pressures. Um, but yeah, working from home, being the person that is at home, especially with small kids who there may be childcare during some parts of the day, but not all day. It was definitely I mean the word boundaries comes up again, like trying to figure out what the boundaries even could look like around my work time was really, really challenging. It's like there's this assumption of I can do all of these things while also trying to pay my bills, right? With like doing the work, putting in the work. Um, and I mean, honestly, it's still uh it's still something that I navigate what that balance looks like as my kids are getting older and now they're both in school. What does it look like if they're in school for six hours and I have more than six hours of work that day? What does it look like when we come home and I do need to get something done? Is it waiting until after they go to bed to do the work? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it's like, hey, you guys hang out and I'll keep working. Um but yeah, like it's tricky when you are setting your own schedule when you have the flexibility to not let everybody else's assumptions of what that might look like influence how you're doing it, but then also like just to navigate it for yourself. Like there's there's no right way to do it. And I mean it was really challenging at first, but like I said, it it continues to be something that takes work to figure out.

SPEAKER_02 12:51

Yeah. Yeah, I think the other piece of the mental load of motherhood is like the effect that it has on your like your nervous system and just like your literally your capacity to do things during the day. And I I didn't become a mom until I was 30, and I'm like, I just feel so tired all the time. And I'm like, part of it is just like the sheer, like it takes so much effort sometimes to to get little kids dressed in the morning to like cajole them into eating their food, and like it's like sometimes by like I don't even know, like 8 a.m. I'm like, I feel like I've already lived like nine lives, and I haven't even like dropped them off at daycare yet. I haven't even started doing my own work or client work, and I'm like, this is just a lot, and so I'm I'm curious, like, because you're you're a little bit younger, like, do you do you feel like you still have the energy at that point? Or having gone from you know, like not being out of school that long to going to having children right away, do you feel like you were able to keep up a little bit, or did it, was it just like, no, I'm a mom now and like I I don't know how to like have the energy to do all these things?

SPEAKER_00 13:59

Yeah, I mean, I would say no. I also like there there were some like still I'm I'm unsure exactly what happened, some health things that happened after my second was born, where like I once I quit, like once I stopped teaching, I feel like I was pretty burned out and just dealing with a lot that like there was a good six months to a year where I couldn't get through the day without napping, which thank goodness I'm not in that position now. Um, but yeah, you throw in all of those factors of like the energy it takes to be a mother to like be a parent. And right now, like that's something with one of my kids has been really struggling just with like big emotions, and oh my goodness, it really is yeah, it's hard like when I'm like, okay, so if they're with their dad and then they're with me, and I'm like, okay, I haven't been with you for a day and a half now, so I we're here, and then already like an hour into it, feeling like, oh my goodness, I'm so drained. Um, yeah, I I would say that like I can definitely relate. And I think that's another one of those things where it's always changing, like the demands are always changing. And so you almost can't like account for how much energy you're gonna need in certain seasons because it's like you just never know. It's so it's so dependent on them and it's so dependent on us, and then it's so dependent also on like the state of the world, like that impacts me immensely, right? Like so, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 15:32

It you do yeah, you know, you definitely answered it. It it's a lot, and I I love your point too that um that it changes constantly because I I found um I'm a little over three years into my entrepreneurial journey, and I I wholeheartedly bel like agree with what you're saying. I feel like every single year, like the amount of time I can put into what I'm doing changes, the amount of energy and excitement I have towards it changes because there's so much rapid growth with kids in like early child development. It's like it's like your mom is a your role as a mom is almost like if you think of it as a job, like that job description is kind of like changing every couple months. And so you're like trying to catch up, play and catch up with all of that, and then also still like maintain all the things that you're doing, uh, you know, for your clients or for whatever you're doing in your business. And it's like, oh my goodness, it's like you do have to like pause a lot and reflect like, okay, how can I make my this job easier on myself? Because like I can't control what these children are doing, they're just gonna like naturally evolve as is, but like, how can I how can I make sure that what I'm doing evolves in a way that feels good so I don't lose my mind, lose my mind? Um, but the question I have for you, because I um really curious to know like absolutely when you left your teaching job, like what is the the business that you started or like what's the entrepreneurial endeavor that you dove into? And did that change since the beginning too?

unknown 17:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Absolutely. Um, that's a funny question. That's like kind of a weird one to answer almost. So I think something important to like note is that when I left my teaching job, I was like married, and so I didn't like I had a little bit more like I guess flexibility with my income. Um, and right away was like making money, but I was not somebody who had like replaced my income before leaving teaching at all. It was more like I have to stop doing this, like I literally can't be doing it.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Right.

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Um but I when I left teaching, I was really like I guess involved in the motherhood space and the learning there, but that's not how I was making money. Um, I honestly like got a position as basically a virtual assistant. I have my master's degree in curriculum and instruction. Cool. Um, and so I was able to like I had a connection and she needed help with courses, and I was like, you know, I have this degree, and so I wasn't really doing any instructional design type things with it, but it was more just like I can be a VA helping with this, supporting you with this, and have a background in the instruction so I can also like get some insights with that. Um, and that turned into more work in that area, and then um I mean, I even still to this day have so many different things that I do and different ways that I bring in income, and it's kind of fun. I have ADHD, I feel like that's kind of just how I thrive is like having the variety, but I would consider myself in some ways like a freelancer doing different projects on top of the work I do in motherhood support. Um, and I also I'm a podcast producer now. That was like a connection I had, and because I had my podcast, I have experience producing podcasts and was able to like learn really quickly the role that at this agency that I can take on as a podcast producer because I put myself out there and learned the skills to begin with. Um, and so that's something that I do that takes up a decent amount of my time during the week. Um, and yeah, I think it's been just kind of building variety over the years of like, okay, what what else can I add to the plate that feels good, which is incredible and like exactly what I want to be doing, but it also adds to that challenge of like things are constantly changing, and it is hard for me to figure out like what my day-to-day looks like because it's it's constantly in flux. I can get a good routine down and then roles shift. I have different projects on the plate and yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

So yeah, I I I can relate to that too because I feel like we're kindred souls here. I when I was a teacher, even I I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD, but I like I'm like I could see some of the parallels here. When I was teaching, I would literally be teaching like five different classes in the same day. Like I'd be taking teaching Shakespeare and um 11th grade English, 12th grade English, honors English, AP English. I was like literally, but like my brain thrived on that variety, and it's like because like I wasn't being bored teaching the same thing five classes a day. And I feel like I've carried that into my entrepreneurial journey too. Like just recently, I had to decide that I'm gonna like let go of one of my seasonal businesses, which was like college admission essay coaching, because I'm just like, if I really want to like keep on the journey with some of the other things that are more important to me, I just like literally have to let one of these other things go. But at the same time, it it has been fun and like enjoyable as an entrepreneur to be able to like have the free reins of like diving into things that just like pique my interest that I'm passionate about in some way. So it's cool to hear because I've seen so many entrepreneurs like you have the ones who like literally stick with one thing and like that's their thing and they just run with it forever. Then you have other ones who like kind of like piece together their income with like so many different things. So I just think it's cool to hear that like you can really just make it whatever fits you and like your lifestyle and your interests. Um, so yeah, I love how you were also saying um you don't have like you know, like a specific daily routine. I am curious. So you have um kids that are five and seven. Uh for moms who are listening out there, because some of my audience are moms who are still working and like thinking of starting a business, or moms who are like in the early stages of growing their business. I'm curious for you, like what does like a general week look like for you? Like how much time do you actually spend working versus like what are some of the things that you're able to do with your kids because you're not tied to like a nine to five schedule? Like, what does that look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Yeah. Um I definitely, because both my kids are in school, try to really, really take advantage of the school hours and getting as much done as possible. It sometimes takes me between drop-off, drop off at 8:30. Like very rarely am I like sitting down working before nine, unless there's like a very clear task that I can like get into. It takes me some time to like just adjust into my workday, which yeah, not a good or bad, it just is, right? Um, but that is really important to me. There's also though the the fact that like because I have flexibility over most pieces of my schedule when it comes to work, sometimes like if there's Somebody wants to get coffee or something, I can do that on a Friday morning, right? Like there's little things that I can do here and there that are different, and I have that flexibility. And so, like, that is something that's really cool. And then sometimes it means that I'm getting something done in the evening, right? And I I will say earlier in my entrepreneurial journey, I was doing a lot of working in the evenings after bedtime. Or like if my if their dad was doing bedtime and I would be working, um, and that has changed. That's not, I mean, it still happens, but it's not a part of the normal routine. Um, but just like being able to be there for pickup every day and you know, like the little lunch things that will happen at the school, to be able to say, okay, you know what, there's a family picnic lunch at the school on this Friday. I'm just gonna make sure that I get my work done before that, or like get the things done that need to be done by Friday, and then maybe Saturday morning when the kids are watching some cartoons or like whatever it is, Saturday morning cartoons. I'm just kidding. Like that's older than us. Um like having that flexibility to make those decisions is really exciting. That like I I still have to get the work done. And it may still have to happen in a time that's cutting into my time with my kids, but that's okay because in this instance, going to the family picnic is what I want to do. So if I'm basically with that, like I it's in the middle of my Friday, there's not much I can do in terms of like big things at work. It's like maybe a few little tasks here and there, but it really does eat most of my work day up. But that's fine because I can make up for it at a different time. And I love that. I I would say like different weeks, the amount that I'm working changes. I mean, I always find ways to fill my time, right? Like I'm always doing things. Sometimes it's like paid client work, sometimes it's really in service of my business, and sometimes it's like the fun things that I want to be doing, and you know, probably should be doing something else, but yeah, I'm not. So um, but I yeah, I I would say like I I mean there's weekends too when my kids are with their dad, there's weekends where I'm like just get into a project to get really stoked on it and really excited. And again, it's like fun having that flexibility to kind of do it however I want and to work when I want. Obviously, that's not always the case. There's sometimes I have a project that has a deadline, and I have to do it and I don't want it in this moment, like that's part of working, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:35

But yeah, it's it's it's it's so fun, I think, to hear. I I love when entrepreneurs don't like pigeonhole themselves, like re back in like such a stringent schedule because like that's what they're used to if they were like an employee before. And I felt like I was doing that to myself in the beginning, and then like sometimes my husband even be like, Listen, you're the boss, like go to bed right now. Why do you why are you staying up to like kill yourself to get this done? Like, just wake up earlier tomorrow, or like there's not really a true deadline to like stop doing that to yourself. But I I very much have found I've tried to like block my time for like this client work versus that client work versus like me growing my own coaching business. And sometimes, like you were saying, sometimes I just get stuck in this like flow where I'm like, but I'm so excited and passionate and I like want to be doing this right now. And I'm like, okay, well then I'm just gonna let myself do that because I can push this other task that you know it's a client project, it does have a deadline to it, but like I can just do it when the kids go to bed then. And I'm like, I want to make use of this like inspiration that I have right now. But I feel like when you're in like a nine to five role, I feel like some of that like creative spark gets sucked out of you because you you can't change the schedule, right? Like you're bound to it.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

Totally. You know, I try and do something that I do kind of take on that I think helps with that is like if there's something that's like a weekly recurring thing that even like takes you know five hours or something, I'll be like, okay, that is something that I'm gonna always start on Monday and get a few things in. Like I'm thinking of one particular client. I get like a at least a few hours in. Sometimes finish it on Monday, sometimes not, but like I have the bulk of it done. If there's like other things that come up though on that Monday, like I can switch as long as I get enough of it done to like I'm not gonna be scrambling Tuesday or Wednesday. And then I finish up what needs to be finished up on Tuesday and Wednesday to send to the client on Wednesdays. There's like a structure, but it's super fluent. Yeah, like I can kind of do I can I can finish the thing Tuesday evening if I didn't get to it Tuesday, and that's fine. I knew that when I didn't finish it on Monday, right? Like that's part of it. If I was gonna have a really busy Tuesday, yeah, you gotta finish it Monday. Like there's no jumping into the creative flow that like you need to do or that you want to do for something else. Like stick to the thing that you need to get done. Um but it's been fun finding those ways to like build in the structure and the fluidity, get space for that. Um, which again, it's always changing. Like I know that what I do now will not be the way that I work best months from now, right? Like it's always changing based on all the different factors, but yeah. We can really tap into like what we need when we allow ourselves to.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Right. Yeah, no, it it's such a blessing. One of the things that I definitely appreciate most about being an entrepreneur, um, I want to go back to something we were talking about earlier. You you were saying how like sometimes the mental load of motherhood just like feels so much heavier with like the state of the world, which obviously right now we have a lot going on, um, and in a lot of ways that like mothers in particular are just not being served. So I wanted to ask you, I know you are like big into helping women find like their main character energy. So, how have you found it? Um, how have you found ways that you can still feel like you have control over the things that you want to do with your life, like with all of the noise going on around us, and like still just like harnessing that main character energy for yourself?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Yeah, I mean, I'm huge on like just seeing ourselves as the main character in our own stories. I think that's really important. And I'll just like say a little bit of what I mean by that, because I think that can be helpful. I like to think of it as like our kids are each the main character in their stories, right? Like, we are not the main character. They are with us for 18 years or whatever, right? Like, and then they get to choose what they do next and they go on, and then they choose to have a family or not, and they're doing their things, and I think it's kind of easy to see how, like, yeah, we can't be the main character in their story. Like, maybe it feels like that to us for a little bit, but like they're humans, and the whole goal is that they go out and be humans. We also are the main characters in our own lives, like we are the only person we have control over, we're the only person we have like that we get to make all the choices for, right? Like that really is what it comes down to. We are that child. We were a kid once, and now we're in this part of our life, but we are the main character in this story. And with the question of like how does that look in a world where there's so many things going on? I there's kind of two parts to it. I think one, it's hard because it feels like we don't have a lot of control over things, and like in a lot of ways, we don't have control, like there's so many things that we cannot make changes to in a meaningful way, um, whether that's like just the like climate that we're existing in, or thinking about like particular systems. I mean, if you're a working mom and you're working within a system that you only have so much control over, like you're you have your set work hours. Obviously, there's like there's choices and changes you can make, but we exist within systems, we all have to pay the bills, we all have to do these things, right? Um but we do have choice and autonomy in a lot of ways, and that's something that like in my life realizing and implementing that like I do have the ability to like look at what is in alignment and what is not in alignment and make changes where it makes sense to make changes for me, and yes, for my family as well. But like I get to consider me in it, I get to consider what is the best thing for my life because my life you know, I think after that kid that I was, yeah, it's important, like the things that I do for me are important. Do I want to live every day miserable in a teaching job, in a relationship that is not like the best thing for me? All these things, and sometimes it feels like, yeah, I got the teaching job, I got my master's degree, like stick with it, right? Like that's the decision I make, I'm there. But the reality is that there were so many other options, and yes, it was risky, yes, it was scary, yes, it was not what I thought I would do, right? Like there's but it's like getting to make those choices for ourselves and recognizing like we can pause long enough to figure out what's gonna feel good, what we want to try next, because we do only have one life, like as cheesy as that sounds, yeah, we can live that in a way that is out of alignment, and many people do in their mind. But like there's another way we can choose to do what we can, make the changes we can, make the choices we can to to just be more in alignment, to feel better in our day-to-days, because yeah, again, like we only get one life.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

Yeah, that's such an important perspective, I feel like, to see to see our children as their own main characters, and then us I think sometimes the struggle actually that a lot of moms face is they almost see themselves as like an auxiliary character in their child's story almost, and it's like that comes with a lot of like guilt oftentimes. And so how like how have you found it to be helpful in like claiming that like main character energy in your life without letting the mom guilt like kick. I mean, it's of course it's gonna kick up a little bit, but like how how have you found that you're able to do that in a way that doesn't you that allows you to soften that mom guilt, I'll say?

SPEAKER_00 33:53

I think the biggest piece for me with navigating mom guilt and trying not to let it completely take over my life has been really like the education around why we experience mom guilt. So I think of mom guilt as like guilt and shame. It's not just the experience of guilt, it's the experience of guilt like oh I'm not doing something right, and then we turn that into something about ourselves, and like we don't call it mom shame because that's like a different thing, like mom shaming is a different sensation, right? But it's it really is guilt and shame together because if we snap at our kids because we were overloaded and in a moment like yelled at them, yeah, we feel guilty about it, and then oftentimes are like moms don't do that, good moms don't do that, we make it mean something about ourselves, and there's so many situations that we can do that in. So many.

unknown 34:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Um for me, understanding the societal factors to mom guilt and how we are from a young age conditioned to believe that good moms, you know, quote, good moms, whatever that means, like look a certain way, act a certain way, behave a certain way, exist in a certain way. And then understanding the absolutely impossible contradictions within that. Um, I I think of the perfect mother myth where the perfect mom is somebody who is home with her kids 100% of the time. She's like endlessly patient and present with her kids, but also taking care of herself. She got her body back after the baby. She has the friends and all, but but remember, like she's 100% with her kids, right? Like, she's all these things. She's not like relying completely on her husband for whatever for financial resources, but she's also not working because she's at home with her kids, like all these things. And we get these messages constantly, whether it's from the same place or not. I mean, sometimes it literally is like the same sources kind of feeding us like this is how you exist as a good mom. And then it's just like from every angle, we're getting these messages, whether you like subscribe to it or not, you have grown up and are constantly taking in these messages. And for me, understanding that, understanding what influences that mom guilt in the first place, and just the like absolute ridiculousness of those expectations has been helpful. Um, and then also just like thought reframing, doing a lot of thought reframing early on in motherhood has made it so that I now just kind of naturally do that when I'm having a moment where I feel really shitty about something that happened, or you know, the way I handle the situation, or I don't know, dropping my kid off and my kid's upset and like I have to walk away.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Really like getting to the why of why that feels bad and understanding that a lot of times those things that feel really crummy like sometimes it's a signal that we want to change something, which is great, and we can use that, but a lot of times it's just we're holding ourselves to some standard or some value that isn't actually ours, it's a societal standard, societal value. And if we can identify that, we can change those thoughts a little bit to be like, Okay, wait, that's not actually what I believe a good mom is in the first place. So, like, I don't need to like now make myself feel guilty because I went on a girls' weekend without my kids. Like, I don't think that moms have to be with their kids 100% of the time. That's society's thing, not my thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:42

Yeah. It's so funny you brought up that specific example because I was actually just working with a client of mine the other day who's building like the she still works full-time as she's trying to like build something on the side in like the hours she has outside of work. And this this story came up of like you know, a good mom should go home to her her kid right away. And we did like really parse that apart and be like, Well, is that true? Is that what makes a good mom? Right. So I love to hear that um thought work has been such a big thing for you. That has literally been life-changing for me, especially early on. I feel like there were so many, so many stories and like old versions of even like what it means to be like a successful person outside of also being a mother that were like kicking up for me that like would just like make me feel so shitty about what I was doing as an entrepreneur. Like I felt like it was never adding up. Um, so I this is not something I was gonna ask you, but I'm just curious because I feel like people do thought work in so many different ways. Like, what what's the practice that you have found to be helpful? Like, do you like journal weekly, like just like brain dump? Like, what are the crappy thoughts that are coming up for you? Like, what does that process look like for you?

SPEAKER_00 38:53

You know, it looks like different things at different points of my motherhood experience. But I think for me, the most important thing is like saying it out loud. Um, and not like it's not always saying it out loud, but having friends that I trust that I can be like, this just happened and I feel really shitty about it. And we can get to like what that feeling is, what thought is causing that feeling, and understand that maybe that thought isn't true, right? Um, I process out loud a lot of the time. So that's really helpful. Um, therapy is also like I'm in therapy now, and that's been like just having a place every week when stuff does come up that I'm like, this really is still bugging me, being able to talk through it is important. And then like what I do when I'm talking through something, because it's such a normal part of like how I process now, and I have like my people that I can go to for that. I can also do a lot of that processing, like just like on the go. Yeah, like I'm just like, okay, nope, that's not true. Like, we're not doing that, we're not attaching to that belief because it's not my belief. Like, that's right, it's bogus. Um journaling, like there's been times where I've journaled and really like written out, and I used to do this with um mom with clients I worked with, moms that I worked with, like writing out what is the emotion that we're feeling. And a lot of times it's like mom guilt, and there's layers under that of like what that actually is, and then what thought is informing that, and like just naming it, writing it down and naming it, allows you then to like look at it and be like, do I actually believe that? Where is that thought coming from? What belief is behind that thought? Is that my belief? And then choosing a different thought to have, right? And writing that down, like making it concrete. Um, I I do think externally, like putting it out there externally, whether it's like speaking it or writing it down, can help make it more concrete because we are often in autopilot and just like surviving our days. Like that's the reality of being a parade. And obviously, there's things we can do to not be in that situation, but like we said, things are always changing, so it's really easy to get kind of caught in an autopilot. And if we're not taking the time to like say it out loud or write it down, it's probably not happening.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

Yeah. I I always yeah, the mindset pieces that I hear other entrepreneurs go through is always fascinating to me. And I I totally agree. I think like pulling those, because I feel like those thoughts are so sneaky sometimes, and like if you don't kind of like search for them and like really say what they are, they just keep hiding. So like I love your idea of like either writing it down or talking it out with a friend, or I'm I'm in therapy also, and like as much as I keep thinking I'm getting better at like you know, having an empowering mindset, sometimes I'll be talking just a couple minutes into our session and she'll be like, mmm, that sounds like like a should, or like a like, is that like is that actually a helpful way of thinking about this? And I'm like, darn, but like it's a journey, right? Like, we're never gonna be perfect at thinking the perfect thoughts. Um yeah, but I love I mean go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Just I you said something earlier about like the expectations of like what it means to be a successful person and like outside of motherhood, and like all of that, I think it's super important to just like say that like all of this conditioning of what it means to be good, what it means to be successful, what it means to be enough, like we have been taking that aim since we were born. Like the conditioning is deep, so like yeah, I mean, I don't I maybe there are people out there who don't deal with like they're they're so far into their mindset work that they don't deal with these kinds of like sneaky thoughts, but like yeah, I think it probably for most people is something that you continuously deal with because there's continuously new situations that you've never thought of before. Um and that's okay. It's like getting used to the skill, I guess, of moving away from that.

SPEAKER_02 43:06

Yeah. No, I agree. I think I think as when once you dive into entrepreneurship, I feel like there's always like a new challenge that you like desire to take on or like immerse yourself in. So like the thought work doesn't stop and like the mindset challenges don't stop, they just evolve and change. And like you said, you get you get better at it because you are committed to the practice of you know, like, you know, being the best version of you. Um, I know that you have an a really cool like garage workout class that you're trying to get to soon. But I do have two more questions for you um because I I've been following you a little and like seeing some of the projects that you are working on, and it's so inspiring um seeing the way that you connect with other women and moms in you know the entrepreneurial world. And so I'd love if you could tell us a little bit about your podcast called The Sparkle Project, and that was formerly called Worthy Mother, right? So I'd love if you could talk to us a little bit about that, and then I know you're also building something with another entrepreneurial friend of yours called the Mom Friends Collective. So you can choose what order you talk about them in, but I just really love to like hear what they are and just like how you got into them.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

Yeah. Okay, well, I'll start with the podcast because I feel like a lot of my just like everything, everything that I do stems from that. But yeah, I started in I guess it was 2022 or 2023 my podcast. It was Worthy Mother Podcast, and really it was important to me to be having like honest conversations about motherhood and looking at the societal factors that we've kind of talked about here of like the things that influence us. In motherhood, not necessarily like the parenting side of it, but really like existing as somebody who is a mom in this world. Um, and I've had incredible conversations with so many people over the years. And last year I had this like feeling that something needed to change. Like I'd almost outgrown what I created. Um I it almost was like I had to build it taking myself seriously in a certain way. And I have just been on a personal journey myself going through a divorce, turning 30, like just hitting like new milestones and learning who I am and kind of like finding my sparkle is how I described it. And that led to feeling like the podcast needed to shift as well. And so recently relaunched as the Sparkle Project, and I really talk about the intersection of motherhood and identity, self-discovery, understanding ourselves as whole people. Again, it's a podcast for moms, and we do talk about motherhood, but really it's it's navigating life as somebody who is a mom and you have these roles and all the other things that we're dealing with. Because if we don't do that intentionally, like we're just gonna lose it, we're gonna not, or or it's just not been there, and we're just gonna keep going through our days and never feeling truly satisfied. I know that's something that I really dealt with a lot in early motherhood was like feeling not so fulfilled, feeling like something was missing. Um, so that is what I'm doing there, and it's just been like the best getting to have those conversations and then getting to share really awesome conversations. Oh, you know how that feels. It's like, wow, that was a like incredible conversation that I walked away like, whoa. And then I get to share it with people and they can have those same moments as well. Um, more recently, I launched the Mom Friends Collective with a really good friend of mine, Brianne Smith. Um, she is somebody I met through podcasting. Her podcast is called Bloomera, and she is like, I've always looked up to her. She has been podcasting longer than me. I've learned a lot from her, and we've become like best friends. She is like my go-to when I'm having a hard day and text her, like, I help the kids are doing XYZ and I'm feeling really bad about it. She'll, you know, help me give me a little compassion that I can take for myself. Um, but we had a vision to create a community for moms to just come exist and enjoy different things. We thought of like um like a magazine. You think about the magazines we used to read as kids, and how it was kind of an escape into the world, but creating something, it's a community and a blog and has all these different pieces for moms to come like enjoy where we're talking about reality TV or we're talking about navigating tricky things in motherhood, right? There's all kinds of resources and conversations happening. Um but doing it with a community of like bringing in a community of women who need a space to like even like I would say like process what's going on in the world because there are so many things going on externally that are really heavy and really hard. And so it's creating almost a place where there's some amount of escape from that, but not dismissing or not acknowledging the realities that we're all facing because it's there, it's real, and so we're growing that and it's been really exciting and really fun. And I don't know, it's always fun when you have something new that you're like digging into and seeing where can we take this. So that's my newest endeavor.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

Very cool. Well, I feel like underlying both of both of those ventures is just this like commitment to helping other other like women and moms feel like seen, but also like giving them resources and like opening their perspective to like truly like self-actualizing. And I feel like I feel like as women we're in like an a really interesting timeline on earth because it's like we do have this like very tumultuous like political environment that we're living through right now, and like there's just like so much chaos in the world, and there are a lot of things that make motherhood really, really hard right now, but there's also this like very palpable like awakening, I feel like that's happening at a collective level with moms, and I feel like you see it all over social media. You see so many women starting their own businesses, starting their own podcasts, like um advocating for motherhood and being more honest and open and real about motherhood in a way we've never seen before. And so I love your your idea in the Sparkle project for your podcast of just like really awakening women to like being the most empowered version of themselves because I feel like um I I mean I'll speak for myself, but I feel like my mother or my grandmothers like I feel like they've never had the joy or ability to even like tap into this level of identity and empowerment that like that I feel like me, I'm able to tap into and that like I feel like other moms of a similar generation are able to like tap into. So like even though there's so much chaos in the world and it's really, really hard, I also feel like we're it's I'm grateful to be in this timeline too, because of that reason. Um, and I think both of your endeavors with the Sparkle Project and the Mom Friends Collective like speak to both, like they both speak to that like collective awakening that's happening, which is just so cool. So amazing.

SPEAKER_00 50:33

It's like a cool time to be alive.

SPEAKER_02 50:34

It's it is weird, but like we've come a long way too as a society and yeah, I know we have we have to take the the good, we have to take the bad of the good so that we can keep evolving. Um, but all right, amazing, Emily. Thank you so much for sharing your journey today. I really loved learning about, you know, just the ins and outs of your unique entrepreneurial journey, as well as like these incredible um projects that you have and just the way that you're serving women and mothers. Can you just tell us where we can find you so that listeners who have resonated with your message and all the things that you're building can find you?

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Yeah, I'd say the best place is Instagram at honestlyEmily Rose, because if any of this is interesting to you, you can find it all there. Um, but I yeah, I'm I'm on Instagram a lot, as a lot of us are, and come say hey.

SPEAKER_02 51:29

Awesome. Well, I will definitely be putting that in the show notes um as well as links to uh your podcast and the Mom Friends Collective so that people can go find those. But thank you again so much for having this conversation with me. And I can't wait to continue to follow along with your journey.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

Yes, thank you so much for having us.

SPEAKER_02 51:47

So much fun talking with you. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to check the show notes so that you can go find Emily on Instagram and in the other places that she is hanging out with the Sparkle Project and the Mom Friends Collective and all of the incredible things that she is building. And if you are an ambitious mom who is wanting to start or grow your business, also check the show notes for some free resources to help you do that, as well as to schedule a free 15-minute clarity call with me so you can talk through your right next step. I hope you have an amazing day and I hope you are able to finish your coffee before it turns lukewarm. See you on the next episode.