They've Been Together For 20 Years...Until They Added One More Partner!

How do three people build a relationship, raise kids together, and make it work long term?   

Mitch, Ben, and Benjamin join Sonya and Agon Love for a conversation that’s way more human than people would probably expect. They open up about how their relationship started, the challenges that came with bringing a third partner into the relationship, and what life actually looks like raising children together as a family. What sounds unconventional at first really comes down to three people trying to love each other well, build a stable home, and create a life that feels authentic to them. The episode gets into communication, parenting, judgment from the outside world, and the systems they’ve built to keep their family strong through every stage of life.

Follow Ben, Benjamin, and Mitch: @gaythrouple

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Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:04

Okay. I'm so excited, guys. Thank you so much for being here. Like, we are so excited. We come from a very different background, and it's just expanding for us to see how you're doing your relationship. And thank you for letting us ask questions and like just see how you're navigating this really unique family unit.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

Hey, well, we're excited to be here too. Thanks for having us. We love and expect the surprises on our Instagram accounts.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I want to start this by asking you, Mitch and Ben. You were by the two of you for many years before deciding to introduce Benjamin to your relationship. Why did you decide that it is better to be a thrapple than a couple?

SPEAKER_03 0:54

Well, I don't know if we had the answer though. This was gonna be better. Um but I mean 20 years, literally right around the corner. And we used to travel a lot. We we were young gays traveling the world, and everywhere we went, we met older gays, uh 50 plus, 60 plus, and their secret to longevity was open relationship. And some uh I remember in Hawaii we actually met one person that one couple that was like we have a third, and then I think that triggered that mindset for us to write to think if that was something that we could actually do in our relationship.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

We stayed in touch with them. Um they have they're still married, they travel the world together, they constantly have a third partner. Um, and we kind of just we looked at them, we're like, they look really happy, they're having fun, and then we met other couple that were traveling, they would always have a third partner. We're like, I think we should try it. So we were each other's first, so we never dated anyone else before we dated. Yeah, because it's been 20 years and I'm 39 years old, so we were pretty young. Um, and I think we wanted to be able to try that like that dating thing together. Um, so bringing in a third allowed us to kind of date a little bit, and that's what that's what we did. We were actually dating uh someone else prior to meeting Benjamin. Uh, so we were actively looking for a third when we met Benjamin.

SPEAKER_08 2:12

It was an intention.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

We were looking for I mean we were we were looking. I I I was skeptical. I didn't think it was gonna work because in my mind I was like, okay, like I know how jealous he is. And uh well wait, no, just on it, baby. Uh well I'm jealous too, but you know, I'm allowed to, I'm Latino. Yeah. Uh so I was very skeptical. So even with the other guy we were dating, he was from Australia and he was visiting us. Um, I was like, this is just fun. And then when we met this one, I was like, wait, this actually this could actually work. Because their mindset was very similar. And I'm a huge believer of like uh astrology, and you know, uh if a Capricorn and a Gemini make it work, then it's gonna work. So the first sign for me I was like, this was another Capricorn, so this could potentially work. So then here we are.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

Or one day apart, two years and one day apart. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 3:05

People often think that if you open your relationship, then it must be because something is missing. Do you think it came from a place of something was missing?

SPEAKER_03 3:15

Not at all. I think for us it was like we can do way more. Like it's just like I think the potential of like what you can actually accomplish with three people is way superior than anything you can get. I mean, business, finance, family. Like it's just you know, I don't have to do the dishes on my own all the time. So you know that's why he's here.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

We came here to America and we see the prices. And I I joked because it seems like the model of family is progressing. It used to be that one parent would work, the other one would stay at home. Now it's two parents are working and barely making it. So the thrapple is the next economically sound.

SPEAKER_07 3:56

We all basically need three people to pay our bills. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

So who's the best at finances between you? Who's like taking I think us two.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Well, it depends. Like I'm spending it.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I can spend oh you the the best at spending. Business spending. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Very good at it. Yes. That's why when I met him, I was excited because he actually knew how to handle finances. Um, and I could like, you know, rally against Ben and his spending.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

I mean, it's not like crazy, but if I want the chocolate, I'm gonna have it.

SPEAKER_08 4:27

So it's not on big stuff or anything.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Maybe. I mean I'm a little better now, but I did used to go to Neeman Markets every now and then and be like, Yeah. Yeah. Depends how I feel, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

So so you were number three. I really wonder, because this is like the the most I think most people wonder how difficult it is for the number three to enter a relationship that already has its dynamic. How was it for you at first that you get jealous? How you navigated the the first month?

SPEAKER_04 5:00

So they had some jealousy issues. Oh but uh I would say actually uh when they like initially proposed it, their confidence levels were like really secure. So I felt like at the worst that this would happen is that like I would just leave with two really good friends, and but like they they proposed the relationship, so um, and I was just honestly I was open to it. Um I felt like I could definitely contribute to all their endeavors, and then and we just had like we had everything in common that was going well. So I gave it a try, and now we're here.

SPEAKER_08 5:38

It's amazing. Can you take me back to the moment where the two of you went like I want to know like how do you how do you approach a guy and like how does it happen?

SPEAKER_05 5:46

Like, what do you say?

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Like what like I remember exactly that that day. Six years, yeah. Yeah. When we met almost seven years ago, we we've been married six years, uh, on the first. Um, but I remember exactly on that day when we were we were on a gay cruise uh with over five thousand or six thousand other gays, like and like three ladies, that's it.

SPEAKER_08 6:07

What are three ladies doing there?

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Yeah. Oh, and yeah. And it's a huge party, and it's nonstop for seven days. And we're sitting down at a table, one of our friends came over, and this friend um he he always makes friends, I'll put it that way. Um and um so he brings Benjamin to the table and he sits down, and Benjamin Ben was sitting right next to him, and I knew right away, like, oh, this guy's gonna become our friend or something. And then Ben kind of took control. And what did you do under the table?

SPEAKER_03 6:39

I mean, usually the under what did you do under the table? I mean, we're gonna give it PG. Uh but uh no. You don't have to.

SPEAKER_07 6:47

Like I really want to know. Like, what did you say?

SPEAKER_04 6:49

Okay, well, what was it? You propositioned like how directly and I was kind of aloof about it, actually.

SPEAKER_08 6:59

Oh, how do you proposition?

SPEAKER_04 7:01

He was actually just rubbing my leg.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Well, yeah, so we were. I mean, I don't know how much you can see on the camera, but I was just like this, you know, like making moves, and this one was just like and then he'll look.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Meanwhile, our friend was like really frustrating him. Like we could tell he was getting very irritated.

SPEAKER_03 7:17

So this guy was known if he says this, because whatever, he's not a friend. Cut that.

SPEAKER_02 7:24

Anyway, cut it out right now.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

No, he was I mean, he's known for like finding guys, and he can be a little loud and and he can be a little too intense. So we I could tell that he was really uncomfortable. But immediately Mitch and I were like, this guy's coming to our room. Like we were just like, he's coming. And so like I was trying to hint at him by like using my knee and robbing, and then he was just like looking and was like questioning. I was like, Oh dear lord, this is gonna be a lot harder than I thought. So then I grabbed his phone and I was like, Let me see your phone. And then I literally wrote, We're gonna beep, and then give it back.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Oh he was just I mean, that was we had internet, we paid for the internet package, he did not, so like he couldn't find our Instagram, so we were like, we have to connect because you know he didn't pay for the internet package.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

So what did you think when you read that? I was like, Thank god someone's rescuing me from this guy.

SPEAKER_05 8:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:12

But you've been selected from 6,000 men.

SPEAKER_08 8:15

Yeah, but you are in high demand, Benjamin.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

I have no ego, but I feel special. Okay. You are the one.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

Benjamin DeFi. And he appeared at the buffet table. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 8:27

I'd say like on a platter.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

There could have been lots of different scenarios. Sorry. Okay. And uh and like we we may never have met. Like that's the thing, is like it just it just happened by like a miracle that we met. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_08 8:42

And how do you balance your relationship now to make sure no one feels like a third wheel?

SPEAKER_03 8:47

Oh, I don't think that's a problem now.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

A little like corporate discussions. What like I'd say like when Ben travels a lot, um, I can tell he feels a little bit left out. So then it's just like important to, but you know, it's work, work is work. Um, so then we, you know, he will like he'll either voice his concerns, like because sometimes like me and Mitch will get closer because he's gone for like a long time. What's a long time? It can be like we're gonna be like, tell me more. Um it can be like weeks and stuff, and then so then we start getting into a routine on our own a little bit. And then so then we just have to make sure that we're aware that like to even include him in like whether it's group messages or like we already have a routine for the kids, so then it's like now we have to re-include Ben into it. Stuff like that, I would say.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I guess there's some beauty to you still having each other instead of two partners being like lonely and missing each other. Then one person servers to our happy, you know, or something for their happiness.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

That's the original reason we actually were one of the third is because he was gone all the time, and I was always home alone, and I was like, it'd be so nice to have another partner that's with me. And so now we do.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

Actually, yeah, that was part of the conversation. So uh I've always been in the industry that uh allows me to travel all the time. That's how I ended up in Singapore. Um, and uh, so whenever I leave, it would used to be like two weeks, sometimes three weeks. Now it's not as crazy with the kids, but yeah, that that was actually one of the reasons why we felt like having a third would be good because then he can stay home, you get they can continue and and but imagine this you two get an argument, but there's one other person that agrees or disagrees with you.

SPEAKER_07 10:31

I would hate that.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Yeah, so that's me. So I'm always the one that usually, unless it's finance, um, if there's an argument, these two agree with each other and I'm the odd man out.

SPEAKER_00 10:41

They go against you. How do you navigate that?

SPEAKER_01 10:43

But that is the normal, that is that is why being throppal is more difficult. It takes a lot of communication. You have to be able to be okay with being told that you know you're the odd man out because you did something wrong or you pissed someone off.

unknown 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

So I think that's the reality of a thropal relationship. You have to be okay with that dynamic and come together and just have a conversation about it.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

Your battles.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

But we did, I mean, to be honest, though, we did have that conversation at first with all three of us. We're like, we have to agree that as a rule, well, we have a lot of rules. As a rule, if two people agree with something, the third person has to just give in. Otherwise, it's not gonna work. So we do have that as a rule. So two of us are like, so it's so if two of us are the same, like we're gonna spend money on this because it makes sense, the other person, even though he disagrees, has to do really well, actually.

SPEAKER_01 11:30

So we have a mini democracy.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

I mean, yes.

SPEAKER_08 11:35

So what one of you just needs to do is get really good at convincing just one, and then you get what you want.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

And he's the one we have to convince.

SPEAKER_07 11:44

Oh, okay. Depending on the thing, I'm guessing.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Where two are against one and you still didn't the one still didn't agree.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

No, the one always has to give in. Okay. It's usually me.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

So what it sounds to me is that it is really important to have a set of boundaries and rules to make it work, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:04

And we still do those rules. Like we still we we call it contracts. We have contracts that we actually type and we write them down. And there's something about when you physically write it down and it exists somewhere, even if it's in the cloud, that it just becomes more official. We did it. Oh, yes, there you go. What's in your contract?

SPEAKER_07 12:24

Many things.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

Let's pull it up. Like we have one about going out.

SPEAKER_07 12:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

Like going out. And like I always want to stay out really late. If we have coverage and I'm like, we get a night out, I want to stay out until like the sun comes up. So they're like, no, we gotta go, we gotta go. So we made an agreement. Like, if we're gonna say we're gonna go out and we give a time that we're gonna come home, we have to stay, stick with that time, right?

SPEAKER_08 12:45

So it was so you can't be like, you can't just hang till you want and then they leave.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Yeah, no, we have an agreement. We go home together, we agree on the time that we're gonna stay out till we make sure that we have care for the kids in the morning, right? Because it's hard taking care of a kid if you're hungover.

SPEAKER_03 12:59

So but to give you some context, like when we first but you know, Mitch and I used to argue so much whenever we went out because he wanted to close the bar.

SPEAKER_08 13:07

This is pre-Benjamin's. This is pre-Bent. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Benjamin introduced this to the relationship. So he actually fixed that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 13:14

It helps to be an overthinker.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

It's like we're supposed to have fun.

SPEAKER_04 13:17

This is too much chaos. It's like this is not the official going out agreement. Yeah, I think that's actually what it's called.

SPEAKER_08 13:25

Yeah, he just came and he's like, okay, this is what's wrong, this is what's wrong. Let me fix it this way. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. No, but yeah, conflict is so hard to navigate, even just by two people. So handling it by three must be just a lot if you don't have rules like that.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

I don't know why, but in my head, in some ways, I feel like it's easier for free people. You have to try it.

SPEAKER_07 13:49

No! Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Why? Don't put ideas in my head.

SPEAKER_08 13:57

He already has enough of them, trust me.

SPEAKER_00 13:59

No, because I I I would assume, like in the alternative world where we would be interested to introduce Yeah, it's very alternative world. You would think of bringing a person that is going to improve the relationship in that sense, right? So you wouldn't, unless you do it in like a passionate way and you don't really think logically what you're doing, but if you really think passionate, like you know, if someone's just hot and you want to bring them in, but if you really think about it like as a long-term relationship, I would assume, and I kind of see it, that Benjamin balances the both of you, right? So you used to fight, and now he's like moderating in between sometimes, and then you seem to be the person who can take the loss and you just move forward. So you found your balance by free people. Would you say I I know this is a difficult question and you don't need to answer it, but would you say you wouldn't make it if it wasn't for the fact that you stayed that you became a thropple?

SPEAKER_01 14:59

So like I don't know if that's we would have made it, but I think now, like my like we we would have made it together, um, because we've gone through so much together. But I think now as a thropple, I can't imagine myself with just one of them. So like if something were to happen, like I think we would all dissolve the relationship. I can't imagine just being with Benjamin or just being with Ben now that we've had the three of us.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

I I think you know, Mitch and I have even though it was harder for us to come up with a a solution during an argument, I've always felt like I could trust and I knew that even if I was the angriest with him and didn't see him for like a day or so because I was sleeping in the garage, it was I knew that he was always gonna be there and I could always go back. So I definitely to we would have made it. But I do agree with him. But I think that's it.

SPEAKER_08 15:46

It's just better.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

So you is this part of your rule as well? Like in in set in case where one of you stops getting along the same way, do you break off the the thropple or the two remain?

SPEAKER_03 16:02

We had a rule when we started before he came in. That was one of our conversations. Yeah. That if we felt like it wasn't working, we were always gonna go back to each other and we were always gonna be like or bondist together. Yeah. And the third who just arrived, like he would be the one that we would exit.

SPEAKER_04 16:18

Um this was only disclosed six months in after I started dating, and I was like, I've already moved here.

SPEAKER_07 16:24

You could have led with that.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Yeah, so uh, but I mean now it that has I mean that has changed. I I think that's that's different now. I think but I'm also not worried. I mean, we argue, but I'm not like I I have the same feeling that I did back when it was just me and him that I I could trust. I I can trust that it's just anger and that when there's lots of threats made when we're angry, but you have a threat.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

Oh yeah, we all have divorcing you.

SPEAKER_00 16:50

You throw a divorce on the table there.

SPEAKER_01 16:53

Yeah, we go to therapy, we see a therapist, like I think it's normal. Like we have to learn how to communicate. Like, as we keep with three kids and running a business and him traveling all the time, I think therapy, like people overlook therapy for relationships all the time. It's a natural thing. Agreed, it just brings you together, teaches you how to communicate better. Um, and I think like nothing's perfect. I can't say we have the perfect relationship. No one, yeah, and I think the real thing is it's communication um and learning how to communicate, and your communication style changes over time.

SPEAKER_08 17:25

How has yours changed?

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Um like as a I have to very much like I don't know, like my communication with Ben, I feel like got better, and then my communication with Benjamin can be like we we're together all the time because we own a business together. So, like, and then so we see each other like 24-7. Um, I think like there's a lot of things to disagree on, like all the time. So I'm learning how to like really take a step back and like not dismiss his ideas or like to just like if I think it's right, I need to figure out how to agree with him. If I don't agree with him, figure out a nicer way to not agree with him. You guys probably go through that all the time with working together.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

We've worked together for more than five years now, yeah. Running company, so it comes it it comes with its pros in ways you really get close and there are elements that improve your relationship. But I I like to describe it as playing on a hard mode, like you play a game and you put it hard mode because you get greater rewards and more accomplishment from that, but also like things get hard. And I wonder how it works for for you, because for us when we work together, we caught ourselves often venting too much to each other. So, like you know, having employees and a company, we sometimes would instead of being partners, lovers romantically, we would spend too much time talking about the business and what went wrong today and so on. Are you balancing that in between of through contracts?

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Yes. Yeah, more contracts. I mean, honestly, we we do. I mean, we we have to write it down, we have to schedule down like what our expectations are. Um, and from like the sexual life to like even me watching TV. Like sometimes we have to say, I need at least an hour of TV, like you know, and and we agree to it. So because I I I do notice that they could, especially you, can talk about the business like non-stop. Like he's always thinking how to fix it.

SPEAKER_04 19:25

No, it was uh I forget how long ago now, but we it was decided we don't talk shop at dinner, and we sometimes I break it, but it's only like small times, but like generally the rule is we don't talk business at the dinner table. So just like stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:39

And setting allocated times to talk about it, like this is our time to talk about the business, and this is our time to talk about life, you know. Yeah, so we're learning. I love that.

SPEAKER_08 19:50

I just love how boundaries and how to communicate because that's something that any kind of relationship can learn from, right? It's not unique to being a thropple. We all should actually think of like what are our expectations? What will you not have? What do you really need? And asking that, and writing it down might not be a bad idea.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

It really is, and I again I do give him credit for that. He really introduced that. I we are sowing tune now, well, not 100%, but like so much better than we were, about making sure that we voice what we want. And versus I felt like very uh in the past, I would be like, I don't know, I would just feel weird about it. I feel like I was opening, I would feel embarrassed, I would feel like awkward, like saying, you know, I really need more of this. But now I realize that, hey, if it how are they gonna know? Like, am I just, you know, if I'm walking around the house mopey, like, how are they gonna understand my feelings if I'm just expecting them to guess?

SPEAKER_01 20:46

Yeah, and then I'm like, what's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? And then I get nothing. He's like, How do you know? I'm like, because he went from this bubbly person to that's how I know.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Yeah, it's obvious.

SPEAKER_08 20:58

Okay, yeah, asking for what you need makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Before talking to you guys, I did some research and I was actually pleasantly surprised that the divorce rates among the gay community are actually the lowest. So, like, but but listen listening to you, listening to you, it is not very often that couples actually have such a clarity on how they keep things together, like the rules, the contract, and so on. I think that is one of your your powers that you found a balance that is just logical. Like you do this, we don't do this after that time, we leave the party at that time. It it really sounds like it's very organized. I wonder when you are in a in a couple, like you you have like a clear rule. Okay, we're gonna stay together by the two of us. But when you introduce the third person and you become a thraple, what stops you from becoming a quadruple?

SPEAKER_08 21:56

Well Is that a thing? Quadruple?

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Uh we know a few. Well, I know a few. Um anyways. Uh well, I think that's also like uh we, I don't think have you thought about fourth? I mean, I don't think we're there. I mean, we've had that conversation. I feel like we've we've always like jokingly. Maybe jokingly. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Yeah, I mean, but uh it would be a lot. Yeah, too.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

Not not had a conversation about bringing a fourth. I meant we've had a conversation knowing that this is what we want. That none of us have an appetite to include a fourth. I think that one, now that we have children, that would just be too much, I think, to introduce that.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

Just say we've already come out to our parents that we are a thropple and they love us for that. And I can't imagine it would be not okay to bring a fourth. They'd be like, You're crazy.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

I think it's also a lot too. Like, how is that?

SPEAKER_08 22:49

How is it coming out to your parents? I mean, all three of you, different cultures as well.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

Even tutorial how to do this. I'm sure. No, no, there's no tutorial.

SPEAKER_08 22:59

Because it's two different types, right? Like you're coming out as gay and then coming out as a thropple.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

He did it all at once.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

Oh, you did it all at once? So that's actually smarter. I didn't disclose that we were a thropple. I just showed it to them. I just came out. I can't even remember who I said I was dating at first. I said I was dating one of them. But yeah, so that, and then um I did the Asian thing, which is I told my cousins first, and then let my cousins tell my aunts, and then they figured it out. You know that crazy rotation scene where everybody's texting, it was.

SPEAKER_07 23:27

That's actually the way it's done. That is the way it's done in Asian. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:31

So there's no like direct me telling my parents, it just happened that way.

SPEAKER_08 23:37

And then what? They came, like, did did you two like did you and your parents ever talk about it?

SPEAKER_04 23:43

You know, though I think it's been always uh an uncomfortable topic for them. Like they're just not conservative per se, just like a traditional. Um, and I don't think talking relationships is like a super But they know. They know, yeah, they fully know. Coming out was was kind of rough for my mom, especially. Um I I she was very shocked actually. It caught her quite off guard, which I was kind of shocked on. I thought she'd know a little bit. My dad actually took it the opposite. I thought he was gonna take it really hard and he took it really well. Um so it's just been like, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 24:24

Did she say anything?

SPEAKER_04 24:26

You know, like she during the conversation actually, because my sister was there, she already knew I was just coming out to both my parents. Um and honestly, I can't I can't remember when it happened, but um, my mom actually stepped out of the room and she had to like get some emotions out. I didn't even know that happened until she came back because I was I guess I was focusing on my dad at that point. So that's when I knew my mom took it much harder than my dad. My dad actually said within that same conversation, he was like, Oh, well, I still love you and everything. So like that was really great. Um But to be honest, I don't think I've revisited that conversation directly. Like, I don't think I did a check-in with my mom saying, like, are you okay? She just talks to me still, she visits still, she loves the the grandkids, so just we never like rehash that, you know, it's just it happened, now you know, and now this is our lives.

SPEAKER_01 25:18

Yeah, I don't think she visits all the time and she comes stays with us for four or five months at a time.

SPEAKER_08 25:23

It's more like it sounds like an initial shock.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Yeah, it was just a shock, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

It was definitely a shock because she's frankly. Uh but I mean I I I don't really know if you ever said we weren't a thropple because originally it was just them two.

SPEAKER_04 25:34

So I know how my mom officially found out is when she visited the first time. So she I guess she didn't quite know then yet. But when we showed her our room, both my parents were there. Um, my sister was there too. And then my sister told me in secret afterwards. Um, my mom asked, like, Benjamin showed us their room, but there's only the one bed. And then my dad was like, like in Chinese, it's a little bit funnier, but like, wife, they all sleep together.

SPEAKER_07 26:06

What?

SPEAKER_01 26:07

Yeah, that's another conversation or a surprise guest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 26:11

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Let's go in chop.

SPEAKER_08 26:18

And what was it like for the both of you coming out?

SPEAKER_01 26:21

Uh like as a thropple. As a throppel's. I came out 20 years ago. That was a fun experience. Let's just put it that way. Coming out as a throppel, um, my parents had already gone through a lot. Well, my mom we went to Nashville during COVID, and um my mom shared a hotel room with us because it was. She wanted to. She wanted to. She actually.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

And I was like, you can have your own room. No, I want to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 26:44

Well, because it's during COVID, she's like, I don't want to be alone. I've already been like in solidarity for like, you know, four months because my dad was living in another spot at the time. Of course. So she wanted to hang out with us. So she's like, I'm okay sleeping on the pull-out sofa bed or whatever in the hotel room. And then one night, like, she's like, Can we go to the bar upstairs? And I'm like, Yeah. And then she actually just asked me, like, I just want to know, like, are you in a relationship with Benjamin and Ben? Um, if you are, that's totally okay. Just want to make sure you don't feel left out. And I was like, oh wow. And then she's like, I just want you to be happy. And she's like, I don't want to go through what we've gone through in the past before. I just want you to know that you're happy and that I don't want you to feel ganged up on or whatever. I'm like, oh, she must feel that I'm ganged up on all the time. Yeah. Um, so she's like, I just want you to be happy. And then she's like, you know, me and dad are totally okay with whatever you want to do.

SPEAKER_08 27:35

That must have meant so much to you.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

Yeah, I was very happy. And I had a couple drinks after that.

SPEAKER_08 27:39

Oh, yay.

SPEAKER_01 27:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Uh I never really give anybody a chance to ask anything. Um I live very authentically. So I always just show up and say it is. So when we brought him home, I literally sitting at the table. My uh sisters, a lot of them are like over 50. Well, maybe a few. Um, and she's just sitting there and I'm like, and this is Benjamin, her husband. And she's like, What? She's like over here, like praying. But like I just went with it and she's like, You're gonna go to hell. And I was like, Oh no, you said that. Yeah, but you know, they're very playful too. Like, I think I think at first they were like, You're gonna go to hell, stop, don't say that. And I was like, Well, what? I mean it. And then I think as like the day progressed, they just realized that wait, this is how she's serious. And then it's just and same thing with mom. My mom saw her, uh, well, back then she was like 79. Um, but I just don't, you know, uh I just show up and I just say things and I shock people, but uh I feel like that has always worked to uh my advantage in terms of they just see that is nothing changes.

SPEAKER_08 28:39

It's just they're just used to you being different and owning it in that sense. Honestly, shout out to the parents that uh are still choosing to show up in a way where they make their kids feel comfortable, even though it makes them so uncomfortable. Because it's just not their reality. Like coming from Asia, I know it's sometimes it's not a personal thing, it's just so out there. It's not something that we are modeled, we see. And so I I really have so much respect for the parents who are like, I don't understand this, I don't even maybe agree with it, but I love you, and that doesn't change. And that that's so awesome.

SPEAKER_03 29:17

Well, and my I mean my thing with that with the uh the other side too is like even if they don't agree with you or they don't understand you and they make it a point, I think it's up to us to also understand that they come from a different generation, a different background, their beliefs are completely flipped when you tell them that you're gay, uh especially if they're really religious. So you have to take a step back and allow them to process that. And sometimes it does take two years, three years, six years or more. Uh, but if you're not patient and understand that you're responsible for shaking their world and flipping everything upside down, and you have to be understanding on that, you're probably not gonna never gonna come to a solution or anything like that. And we specifically with his uh family, we had to be patient, and here we are. Like they're very supportive and loving and not about this rapple thing, yeah. When you first came out, yeah. And so I'm always like yeah, parents that are able to do that fast, absolutely like shut out, but some of them take more time, and we have to be understanding about that.

SPEAKER_08 30:13

I see that, yeah. It makes sense. I I love because I think it can go the other way as well, where because it's probably so hard. I mean, I don't know the experience, but I'm guessing that because it's already so hard for people who are first coming out, then to be rejected by your family can just feel so difficult that maybe you take it so personally, yeah, as opposed to thinking about like okay, I need to be understanding now. It's like it's it's tough to make space for both my emotions and my parents' emotions. So I kind of get the difficulty in it all, but yeah, that's it's it's great to be open to it like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:49

I love seeing that there are places around the world that are very open. You walk on the streets of California and you just comparably feel so much happiness.

SPEAKER_08 31:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:01

Because we travel a lot, and I come from a place that is very small town in Poland. I grew up in post-communist times where the idea of this would just literally people think that the hell door is gonna open with freaking devil, come over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

We went to Poland, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

That that that was how I grew up, and you you kind of become who you are surrounded with, right? So for more than half of my life, I would never accept something like this. But I had no understanding whatsoever what it even means to love, you know, and it's very often that people who don't accept these things they never really felt into the idea of love. In my experience, one of the things that I truly found relatable with the three of you, that really means something to me, is that when I was 11 I almost uh ended up an orphan. And when you realize that you came so close to being an orphan and not knowing your what your future is, thankfully I was adopted my by my grandparents. And I, on my own experience, I learned how beautiful life I could have built myself because someone chose me. And you guys came in the life of your daughter, you adopted her, and you changed her life. And no matter someone's opinion and political beliefs, isn't that so beautiful that you take someone who could have had a totally different life, and now looking at you as a family and seeing how happy she is, that's just like so meaningful to me, you know? And that's where I have a lot of respect for decisions like this. You you built a beautiful family.

SPEAKER_08 32:51

Your daughter is adopted, right? Your first daughter, yeah, and then the other two of us are getting too.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

And we would have adopted more, but it was just such a heartbreaking emotional roller coaster. It was so hard.

SPEAKER_03 33:03

So I mean, it wasn't easy. You wouldn't accept it. Yeah, is that what you mean by to the process is really complicated. So you would think that with so many kids that are in need of adoption, that the government will make it a lot easier for people. They put so many hurdles to be able to adopt that I I think it took us longer to adopt or daughter than it did to do surrogacy. And it was just as expensive, if not more, because and so and it was very emotional. Like we had several instances where we lost a few children, uh a few kids when we were in the hospital waiting because the government stepped in and they decided to keep it.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Like the kids survived, but they we weren't able to adopt the child because the government would come in and take the child away. When you found out last year, like when you're holding the baby when you're holding a big baby.

SPEAKER_08 33:50

Well, you've already waited the whole time preparing while the mom's pregnant.

SPEAKER_01 33:53

Yeah, like it could well in in the situation with adoption, it could be like the last two weeks, the last three weeks, it could be two days before. Or with our daughter's decision, we found out the moment she was having birth. So, like, um, you know, we flew to Chicago. We first we flew to Sacramento for one baby. That mom really wants to have her child, but that child ended up being taken into a ward of the state because uh of of heroin. And then the one in Chicago was um it was her eighth child or something, and then the government came in and took that baby away uh because it was a meth baby. Um, so they were able to get more money to take the kids into custody and to to say that there's gonna be uh reunification of the parents and the baby. That's the goal of child protection service is to reunite the families. But it really doesn't ever happen. Like I think it's like one out of ten, but it's very, very few that actually get um reunited with their with their parents. Yeah. Um so we had those two happen.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Yeah. It was a huge uh eye-opener for us as well. You know, we thought, you know, when you choose to adopt, you're doing a really, you know, we are we we did a good thing, but we you think the process is gonna be a beautiful thing too. Yeah. And it ends up being um honestly a an area where you see a lot of um ch children, I would say, that are being used as as a way to earn money. Um, in terms of uh like we so we had a lawyer that that helped us navigate the stuff. Our team was amazing.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Our team, like we had we were with an agency first, and then we joined like an attorney team and uh like whereas they would help with like get us on the high part of the Google search. And that team was really amazing. Um, but she he would have to navigate us through.

SPEAKER_04 35:39

And I don't think there's any stats, but from our lawyer's perspective, he was saying that he like like 50% of people who are or or expecting moms essentially that are putting up their children apparently for adoption, they're they actually have no intention of giving up their kids, they're just using it to get money from expecting to be.

SPEAKER_08 36:00

It's like a scam, and then they just use the biggest.

SPEAKER_01 36:02

You can't like buy a baby, but they're like each state has a regulation, like you can give this much of an allowance per month, right? To cover their living expenses. Yeah. So like um, let's say Arizona is different than California, and then you have to show in front of the judge what you gave, so you're not buying a baby, that's illegal. Uh, that's child human trafficking. But um there is a very high amount that you're allowed to give the mother. So you could be talking to a mom for six months, seven months, giving, let's say, $1,500 a month stipend for her living expenses, so she can go take drug tests, go have a place to live so she's comfortable because that's gonna be your child. Um, and then when she gets birth, she has, you know, 48 or 72 hours, depending on the state. Every state's different. They can she can say, I'm not signing this child over to you. Even though you just paid like, let's say $12,000 out. Um, so it's a huge risk, and there's no protection for the adopting parent. There's only protection for the mother, the birth mom. So, like, there's no agreement that says, Okay, if this happens and you terminate this, then we get this money back or anything. So, what the attorney says is about half of those people go into this agreement knowing they're not gonna give up their child.

SPEAKER_08 37:16

Wow, yeah, that is that's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

Yeah, it is very sad, but also such a unique piece of knowledge that you're sharing because there's a lot of people out there who wish to adopt. Yeah, we want to adopt.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Yeah, so I would say always come to us if you have because honestly, like we went through so many different routes to have children. Uh, we've even with surrogacy, we know the route to avoid, we know the route to go. Um, but with adoption, like it was very eye-opening. At one point, I think we were messaging what 25 or 30 expectant mothers because we had our own website, they could Google, find want a good home for their whatever their child, and they could reach out to us. And like our attorney's like, if they reach out, you reach out within like 20 minutes. It's a respawn right away. So we would like respond to all these moms, and we had some crazy situations.

SPEAKER_03 38:06

But that was also a decision after we realized that the adoption, the adoption industry is very there's a lot of hidden information that I don't tell you. So we engaged with a lot of agencies that all they were they were marketers. Yeah. So we would pay all this money up front, they would make a brochure with your picture and picture of your family, and they would just when the mama, when the mother was like, Oh, I want to get my my baby for adoption, they will send it to this agency, and or they will recommend these agencies, and then they will hand them a book, like a thick book of just profiles. That's all they would say. Well, here, pick for it.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

Literally trifold brochures.

SPEAKER_03 38:40

So then the mom will go through and they will look at the pages, and then whenever they was like, Okay, this is who I want to talk to, then they will make the connection. I want to say we went through two years and we had two connections.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

Yeah, two years, yeah. Two years with an agency. So it's a whole scale with an agency.

SPEAKER_03 38:56

And then men on Tinder. And then as the two years were coming by, then our contract was about to expire. So guess how you get more? Well, you have to extend it, so you have to pay more money. So then we're like, okay, screw that. So I think it through connections through work, he found someone who did it differently. So uh what we ended up doing is we marketed ourselves. So we build a website, we put the content ourselves, we pay for Google ads, and now when women were looking to give for baby for adoption, we came out first because they said I want to give my baby for adoption. And there it is. We're waiting for you.

SPEAKER_07 39:30

Like really waiting for you.

SPEAKER_01 39:31

So we went we went two years with an agency, then we went live. I remember we were in Colombia, we went live on October 31st of 2021, and we had Tegan on March 4th, 2022. So it happened really fast. Um, it was a lot of heart heartache, and our attorney told us, You're gonna go through a lot of heartache, it's gonna be very emotional. Don't have the baby room ready, like because you're gonna go, you're gonna see babies, you're not gonna take them home. Um, so it was a quite a journey, very different than Circusy. Surgacy was a journey on its own, but like at least when you had your daughter or your son in your arms, you knew you were taking them home eventually. We are mexicated.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Would you say that was the hardest experience you faced so far as a thrapple?

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah. So having a baby was very hard. Yeah. And it feels so relieving that we are our family's complete with three. What you don't think that was hard? No. Well, can we have four?

SPEAKER_00 40:27

He wanted 10 kids at first. Yeah. Yeah. Your house looks like there's a lot of fun happening. Everyone's dead.

SPEAKER_08 40:34

Well, I look at like I honestly, I think maybe it comes from like growing up without a father, but like I look at your reels and I'm just like, it must be so fun. Like growing up with you three as dads, like, uh, I'm jealous.

SPEAKER_03 40:47

I mean, right now our our oldest daughter thinks we're the devil. Like, she's like, she's like, I'm not your best friend. Because you know, we put I mean she's she's a toddler, so at the bedtime. Yeah, at the bedtime, yeah, of course. But she's uh, you know, she's any kid up there. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. But uh I would say that I mean, I mean, I don't know. I I would say it is pretty good.

SPEAKER_04 41:08

It's more that she's choosing, she's like, I'm gonna be Papa's best friend today.

SPEAKER_08 41:14

What does she call you guys?

SPEAKER_04 41:16

Papa Papa and Dada.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

Papa Baba and Dada and Detta.

SPEAKER_08 41:20

Papa, Baba, and Detta.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

But it was really funny today.

SPEAKER_00 41:23

Sounds like a Lady Gaga sing. You know, that's actually the favorite song. Lady Gaga should sing a song. They love everything.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

So like today we were driving Tegan, we do the morning routine. So we were driving uh Tegan to school, and then we were going to bring Bowie with us to the gym. And Bowie kept saying Mama Mama, and Tegan's like, we don't have a mama. We have three dadas, a dada, baba, and papa. Oh, that's cute.

SPEAKER_07 41:49

That is cute.

SPEAKER_08 41:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

Shall we play a game?

SPEAKER_08 41:53

Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

We prepared a quick fire king. So we have to answer.

SPEAKER_08 41:59

It's very similar to what we've been doing. But the catch is that you have to reply it instantly. So whatever comes to mind.

SPEAKER_04 42:07

Everyone answered spontaneously.

SPEAKER_08 42:08

It's like a rapid fire round, you know?

SPEAKER_04 42:10

We just all answer at once, or yeah, you just answer at once.

SPEAKER_08 42:15

Oh you pick, right? We pick. We pick who should say it, and then you respond. Okay. So we'll pick one of you to say it basically.

SPEAKER_00 42:21

The music placed in the background, imagine. Sound effects too.

SPEAKER_08 42:27

Okay. Ben, describe a romantic date idea for the three of you. Go.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

Oh, Thailand, getting massages at the beach. Okay.

SPEAKER_08 42:35

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Okay. Who takes the longest to get ready? I will ask Mitch.

SPEAKER_01 42:42

Benjamin. Well, it depends on the occasion. No, it's always you.

SPEAKER_08 42:46

But things like that you should ask all of them. I want to hear everyone's exactly. Yeah. Okay. Do you plan on having more kids in the future? All of you.

SPEAKER_03 42:53

No, no. Well, I wanted to. But I was too bad too much as well. Well, I think at this point, yeah, I'm already has that. I don't think.

SPEAKER_08 43:05

Max capacity for you.

SPEAKER_00 43:07

I love that you have these rules. Okay. Um I'm gonna ask who apologizes first after a fight? All of you. Mitch. Apologize first. Because you know they're gonna gang up on you.

SPEAKER_08 43:20

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Um who doesn't apologize?

SPEAKER_08 43:24

Who doesn't apologize? Who's the worst at apologizing?

SPEAKER_04 43:27

You. I mean who? You? Uh-huh. And uh probably equal. Yeah. Yeah. We're both never wrong, too often.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

But basically, they never apologize, and you always apologize.

SPEAKER_08 43:37

Okay, we have an understanding over here. Um one word to describe your relationship, all of you.

SPEAKER_04 43:42

Interesting. Uh fun. Chaos.

SPEAKER_01 43:49

Organized chaos. I was organized. Organized chaos. Our family's chaos. It's like fun chaos. You should see our morning routine.

SPEAKER_00 43:56

We've seen some videos.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Yeah. We need more content. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:00

Honestly, I would love to just come and be a fly on the wall.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

I feel like a lot of friends do that. Just come do like a week long. We'll just make content all week.

SPEAKER_08 44:08

Yeah. Honestly, sounds fun. I really just want to come and see. Like, how do you live?

SPEAKER_00 44:11

Yeah, it's unique. I don't know how much can we see.

SPEAKER_08 44:15

Maybe not everything. But a little pizza is fine.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Who's the funniest out of your free packet?

SPEAKER_03 44:22

The funniest? Yeah. The funniest or funniest. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 44:26

Who's the most fun?

SPEAKER_03 44:30

Me.

SPEAKER_08 44:30

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 44:31

The most funniest.

SPEAKER_07 44:32

He's so happy. Did you see that smile on his face? He's like, I'm the most fun.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

I always want to do something. Like if you ask me to do something, I'll go do it.

SPEAKER_08 44:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:41

I'll never say no. So you're the busiest.

SPEAKER_08 44:43

Um what's the wildest rumor you've heard about yourself, Benjamin? About the three of you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:49

There's so many rumors online. I'm from Hong Kong.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

Um, well, that was for you. I don't know. Rumors?

SPEAKER_01 44:59

I don't know.

SPEAKER_08 45:00

As a throttle.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

I don't gossip.

SPEAKER_08 45:02

Like any, any. You don't gossip?

SPEAKER_01 45:05

There's just like rumors online. Like these articles all get out and then they're all wrong.

SPEAKER_08 45:10

Okay, give me one.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

That says he's from Hong Kong.

SPEAKER_08 45:12

Okay, that's okay. Okay. That's a pretty mild rumor. Yeah. Nothing too crazy.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

Well, I think like the biggest rumors like are from the haters that say these awful things. But those aren't rumors, that's just that's just hate. That's just hate. I don't know of any rumors.

unknown 45:25

I understand.

SPEAKER_04 45:26

I don't think we're famous for rumors. Not yet.

SPEAKER_07 45:30

Not yet. Not yet.

SPEAKER_00 45:31

Not yet. Okay, last uh last question. Get ready for spice. All of you. What's your favorite position?

SPEAKER_04 45:40

Top. Bottom.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

I'm first. Verse.

SPEAKER_08 45:51

Oh, okay. So like both.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

He gives up a coin.

SPEAKER_08 45:53

That must be fun.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 45:56

I'm like, give me a second to just put it all in my hand.

SPEAKER_02 46:00

We need it to draw your page.

SPEAKER_07 46:02

That's exactly how it works. Okay, got it, got it, got it. Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_08 46:07

Amazing. Thank you for your own. Thank you so much. We have you guys brought us a mystery item. And it's I I would love for us. It's time.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Yeah, we bring we bring mystery item before we discuss a little bit more about parenting. Yeah, I think.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

What have you brought? Yeah. Well, I think one of our be careful, don't take your lipstick out. It's a lipstick. We change at night. Um, well, I mean, you kind of saw it earlier, but the number one question we get asked is how do you guys sleep? Like every single time online or somewhere else, it's always like, How do you guys sleep? Like, how does that work? So we wanted to show you how big our sheets are. So you can get a content. There is a mystery item. So yeah. So we actually have. Wow. And I don't know if you guys can capture this.

SPEAKER_02 46:59

We are it keeps them going. It keeps them going.

SPEAKER_07 47:02

Oh my god. So wait, bring it here.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

This is for five people. I think I'm gonna. I think we can join this bubble. Yeah, I mean literally. So you guys can cover your. So here we go. It's nine by nine. So it's nine feet by nine feet. This is called an Alaskan king bed. Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 47:21

It's quite comfortable, Kevin King's it. No, no, just for an episode.

SPEAKER_03 47:28

There is a well, obviously the kibbett exists, but there's a reason why we got this huge bed. Who wants to go in there?

SPEAKER_00 47:33

So your bed is as big as this.

SPEAKER_01 47:35

Yes. It's nine by nine, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 47:37

It's for three of them to sleep on.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

Yeah, I think it was invented by Shaquille O'Neal. Oh, yeah. We have to buy a special mattress.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

Very tall, very big.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Oh, yeah, really big guy.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

Basketball player. Huge. Um Hi Sha Neal.

SPEAKER_03 47:49

Shaquille. Shaquille. He might see this. I don't know. Anyways, uh, but well, uh the way I sleep is kind of crazy.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

So Okay, tell me. Well, we call it we call it the octopus because he's just like the sprawling, rolling around, items everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

Let me show you though.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

I I'll start like facing the moon and then I'll face the other way, and then I've just like I'm I'm a tumbleweed. So and I need to I need to speak. He's currently at the foot of the bed. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:19

Yeah, he doesn't sleep at the head area at the top. So there's enough space to put him in the corner. Oh, yeah, that's huge. I mean, look at this, babe. Yeah, I know. Like, I'm so fascinated. It's it's custom made, right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:31

We actually uh there's uh some lesbians in uh in LA that they go around and they collect wood. That's another episode for you. They go around and they collect wood from the streets and they make it into furniture. So we hire them to make the custom bed frame because we couldn't find any. So uh yeah, but it's and how about a mattress?

SPEAKER_01 48:50

There's two companies that make Alaskan King mattresses, and then they it like comes in pieces. Like so the topper is all one, and then underneath is like two pieces, and then there's like yeah, it's a whole thing, it's very heavy. It's super and to make the bed takes like 20 minutes. Yeah. By yourself. Yeah, because I don't I have like 25 pillows, and then we have to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 49:11

You have to run from one corner to show up to the other.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

Yeah, just to try this bit. I'm actually I'm actually interested to ask one final question before we go into the parenting. One of our future guests is Melanie Rose. She's a woman who uh created a show called How to Build a Sex Room on Netflix. Have you watched it? No, you have to watch it.

SPEAKER_08 49:32

Oh, I think you'll love it.

SPEAKER_00 49:33

Okay, it's a great show. It's like eight episodes, and she comes and helps couples and polyamorous people build their sex room. Do you have like a separate space in your house as a sex room, or is it we do we use every counters?

SPEAKER_04 49:51

Um the bed actually does have some secret accessories. Okay. So we we gotta build for specific.

SPEAKER_00 49:58

So you have custom, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:01

But you know, the closet.

SPEAKER_01 50:02

We have a really big closet. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Okay. Well honestly, like one of great things that I love about gay couples is that you guys are so honest about your sex life. Like, people are often like almost like pretending they're not doing it, you know?

SPEAKER_08 50:20

No, I think they are not doing it.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

I think they're pretending. I think they're pretending, you know?

SPEAKER_02 50:29

I think they're pretending. Because if they were doing it, they would be talking about it.

SPEAKER_08 50:33

No, but I do think that I don't I don't think the world's having as much sex as the world should be having.

SPEAKER_03 50:47

There's a stat you guys should probably look it up.

SPEAKER_07 50:48

Is it the really fill out with the straight men having sex? He's doing just fine.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Bombing.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

You're like, we're doing good.

SPEAKER_07 51:00

Okay, fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

This is great. How do we smoothly transition now between the worlds?

SPEAKER_08 51:06

Well, I I really you as you were talking about parenting early on. I I wonder what made you three decide you want to have kids.

SPEAKER_01 51:13

It was a conversation a long time ago. Yeah. So Ben had been wanting kids for a long time. And I told him one day, I'm like, you know what? If you want kids, like I might not be the partner for you because I don't want kids. I did not want kids. And then, like, I don't know, like a year before he met Benjamin, I woke up one day and I was like, okay, I want kids. And it was just weird, it just like it hit, and I was like, I want kids, I really want to adopt, I really want to do this.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

It was literally like that. I was like in the bed. He always wakes us up. Well, we didn't have this yet, but I was like right next to him, and then he just the alarm rang up, and I opened my eyes, he opened his eyes, he's like, I think I want to have kids. And I was like, Yeah, it's like okay, random.

SPEAKER_08 51:53

So it was very like not you nothing actually happened. It was just like a feeling.

SPEAKER_01 51:59

Yeah, nothing happened. It was very weird.

SPEAKER_08 52:01

And you always want to have kids as well?

SPEAKER_01 52:03

I always want to have a family, yeah. And that's why when we met him, like it it was. Well, that was the first thing.

SPEAKER_03 52:08

When we're interrogating, we're like, Do you want to have kids?

SPEAKER_05 52:10

Interrogating.

SPEAKER_01 52:11

Because we were already starting to try to adopt, we were looking at agencies and everything. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:15

So did you have at that point already the rule two versus one? Or you really wanted to make sure that with this decision, three people need to be on board?

SPEAKER_01 52:24

Before he came in.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

I don't think like the you already had it before he came in.

SPEAKER_08 52:27

He already said they were already on the same page and they were already looking for adoption, and then okay, gotcha.

SPEAKER_00 52:34

I I wonder when it comes to parenting decisions, because this is something that very often divides parents when they're in the couple, right? So you have an idea for daughter or son how what you want them to do and how they wanna approach things. Do you ever fight about that? Parenting decisions, and is it still the rule two versus one or everyone?

SPEAKER_04 52:55

So the two versus one rule has not applied as much because Chat GBT has become the fourth to interject when we have a different venue.

SPEAKER_00 53:05

So you are in a quadruple of AI.

SPEAKER_05 53:08

Oh my gosh!

SPEAKER_04 53:09

Yeah, we honestly like it it's I don't know. Every time we've had like an impasse, we're like, okay, like Benjamin, just ask ChatGPT. It's gonna tell you that I'm right.

SPEAKER_00 53:18

And then we can he probably programmed the chat because you're tech savvy. You you program the chat.

SPEAKER_08 53:24

Like, I really am so curious about what your chat GPT looks like because your chat GPT understands you're an a thropo and everything, right? Like, I'm curious what are the chats.

SPEAKER_00 53:32

I think, yeah, you know, you're teaching the AI models out of the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:38

Yeah, another giving perspective from a through perspective. Uh no, but it is very helpful, honestly. So uh you you know it has become a really trusted source of knowledge. So when we're confused about like the emotions, how to speak to kids or whatever, we just say, hey, like what is the what is your recommendation for how to deal with this tantrum?

SPEAKER_08 53:54

But how to do emotions?

SPEAKER_03 53:56

No, but like how to deal with because there's books that are uh research on emotional and how do you deal with uh tantrums and how do you deal with things, and versus us trying to assume like we're the experts, yeah, he reads the entire database to give us the best solution. Okay, that's it. And is that I mean, obviously, so we we listen and we try to adopt like you know the feedback.

SPEAKER_04 54:19

Uh so that has been really, really helpful in you know because like you read a lot, but you just you forget when certain rules apply. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:28

So it's just you're just rechecking, like, oh, like is it too late, is it too early for timeout for like and like honestly, like after the first, you think that you would know it for the other two, but you forget, even if it's only a year and a half apart. Yeah, you're like, oh, when does this happen? When does this happen?

SPEAKER_00 54:43

And then you forget, so you just have to ask rock or chat GPT, and then you know because you have to update your knowledge all the time as the kid grows up. Yeah, so you are in that mind mindset, and now the other child is younger, so you need to go revisit and apart from the past you don't remember.

SPEAKER_08 54:59

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 54:59

And each one is developing differently in different stages, so different.

SPEAKER_01 55:04

Like that's not the same. Each one is totally different. Yeah. I'm like using AI right now to find out how where our daughter should go to school because she's got she's in preschool now, but next year she'll start pre-K. Like, what are the charter school options? What are the public school options? What school districts can we go to, even if we're not in our school district? And that's like really helping, you know. I can just chat with it when I'm driving.

SPEAKER_08 55:27

Great. What about your child growing up without a mom? Has that been something that you've thought of? I'm sure you have.

SPEAKER_03 55:33

Well, I mean, we didn't think it was gonna be a problem, and it really hasn't. Uh so many aunts and grandpa. Yeah, yeah, so that's how you we have so many female figures in our house. Like, they're all want to be a part of it. And I don't know, I I secretly think that part of it is they think that they'll probably need it. Uh but you know, like, especially with my sisters, I think like they they just want to I don't I s we have about 25, over 25 nieces and nephews in my house. Oh wow, okay and I've never seen them put this much attention to other kids uh like they do to ours. And like they make an effort to visit, they want to travel with us, they want to be there. And I'm like, do you guys just not don't think that we got this? But then over time they've also made comments like you know, watching you guys with these kids and what you guys have done, like it makes me question what I do with my kids, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:19

Because um I have no fear of them not having a mother, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:23

It's not no, I'm not worried about that. I they're doing just mine.

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Yeah, I think like they have so like obviously, like, even though we're three men, sometimes we can all give off feminine energy at one point or another. Um, and I think like we have a lot of women around the house. Um and we have to do that.

SPEAKER_00 56:41

Sounds like you have a community approach, which is so important in raising children. I think that model from the past that used to work very well has been thrown on like just one nanny and two parents go to work, and yeah, community-based really teaches love and everything. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 56:58

And they have the three grandparents, they see them all the time, they spend time with them all the time, all the siblings, all the cultures, it's just uh uh yeah, they're having a good time.

SPEAKER_00 57:08

So, what would you say is like in your opinion, the uh superpower you gain when there's free parents for children, and especially when it's free dads.

SPEAKER_01 57:19

The superpower is finance. Um I think like we have like definitely a very stable home financially. Um we have like a lot of fun, like the kids have a lot of fun. We make sure we get fun time with them and also serious time.

SPEAKER_04 57:36

Um I would say, you know, I'm sure every parent can agree that like kids are stressful, um, but each parent can bear that stress at different times. So there's always like a fun parent ready to go. I would say is like I would say that yeah. Yeah. So like if Ben is tapped out, like I'm usually ready to go and I can take over, and vice versa.

SPEAKER_01 58:01

And like in the baby stage, we all got to rotate, like so each one would take a night. So before the kids are sleeping through the night, one, one, one. We don't like there's we're not breastfeeding, obviously, so we equally share that responsibility. And I think a lot of wives, like a lot of women that have children, like they're like a little jealous because they usually are the ones that have to take care of the baby all night. Uh, because they're breastfeeding and different things. And the husband, a lot of times when we what we found out is the husband doesn't help. Really? It's mostly the mom. Like 80% of the time, from what I've heard, it's the mom, mom, mom, mom.

SPEAKER_08 58:34

I cannot imagine you're doing that.

SPEAKER_01 58:37

Let's write this in the contract right now.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

The breastfeeding aspect, I think, is what makes it really difficult because that's where you can't really step in and help.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

So I think like the way around it is like to have a bottle ready with the breast milk, right? So the husband can get up in the middle of the party.

SPEAKER_07 58:51

Yeah, so usually like the mom would pump and then keep it aside and it's a whole thing. But okay.

SPEAKER_00 58:57

Wow, it does sound like your your thropple scenario is actually making it easier to do parenting, which is such a unique piece of information.

SPEAKER_03 59:07

I mean, I mean I would I would agree with exactly what you guys are saying, that I think the the kids are getting a mentally uh I don't know, I don't I mean, they're getting the best out of us at at any given time, right? So because to your point, like if I'm really I I can be like, hey guys, I'm really tired, I gotta go upstairs. Versus I think when there's one mom who's with a kid all day, and then sh you can physically stress, they're demanding. So you're gonna get her angry at some point, you're gonna get that. And then right, so I think that being able to step away and know that you have two other people that can manage it, it's is really valuable. So I do think the kids are getting the best of us at any given time.

SPEAKER_08 59:47

It's really cool.

SPEAKER_01 59:48

Like it's never boring at our house.

SPEAKER_03 59:51

I'm gonna need tonight off, by the way.

SPEAKER_08 59:54

Is that like uh for your kids? Do you think that they see you differently in any way? Like once a disciplinarian, once more fun, or I think so.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:06

Like we're all pretty, I'd say we're really aligned on what behavior is not acceptable. So anytime we any of us see it, we're pretty like on them.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:15

What's like give me an example of an unexpected?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:17

That could be like anything from no shoes on the sofa, um, you know, throwing foods, yelling out of nowhere, you know, indoor voices, always indoor voices. What do you do? Um what's that to say? Like, how do you indoor voices, indoor voices? Yeah, just say indoor voices.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:33

You're gonna scare the Holy Spirit.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:38

I think like like right now, Bowie, our one and a one year and eight month-old boy, he like cries for no reason, and so like we're trying to be on the same page. Like, don't just give him, you know, an of an apple slice or apple slice, don't just give him something because he's crying because it will be make him quiet. Like, try to understand why he's crying, try to get him to you know, express his emotions differently than screaming at us. And but Tegan, she's uh three now, three and a half.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:03

So she is going through a stage where she like 50% of the time she fights to go to go to bed. Really bad. So we all take turns, and fit it's 50-50 chance that she is gonna scream bloody murder, and we all I will say though, to answer your question, like who like when I do it, like she knows I'm not gonna give in.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:23

So I was about 80% of the time when I do it, she's like, okay, fine. Um why you fight it?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:28

Or worse for the grandparents because they don't know like we never give in, but they give in. So she negotiates, she's like, five more minutes, read me a book. I need to go get something to eat. I still need to go to the bathroom. She delays going to bed. Anything she can to not go to bed.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:42

Yeah, we check with Chat GPT and it is normal.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:45

It is normal for this behavior. Chat GPT says it's normal, it must be normal.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:50

But that must mean she's having so much fun, she doesn't want to go to bed.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:01:53

Right? Which is also another thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:55

Apparently, it's how they uh they keep some control.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:58

They try it's a negotiating, uh they negotiate and it's how they actually feel in control because there's so much things like parents that one of the strategies for kids to go to sleep is to really tire them out before sleep, like go to like a playground or something, so they are so tired.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

Sometimes we tire them.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:17

We'll take them in the swimming pool that should tire them out, but sometimes it doesn't. So yeah, good.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:23

But she's always been like that though, since the little kids.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:25

You guys are also so cheeky. Yeah, and very humor around the house, and a lot of people, it feels like kids and it's it means that you're doing a good job because kids should be happy, right? They should be loud and they should do these things.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:40

So that's they have fun for sure.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:42

What's the downside of having uh of parenting as a thropple?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

I don't see one. I don't think there's one in this. Really? I think I can't see I can't I don't even know how to do it. Because you wouldn't know this, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:53

But you see how parents are struggling, so I guess you have comparison from that.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:57

And that makes them go, oh, it's way better here.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:00

I have this, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:00

Yeah, no, I mean I I every time we talk to friends that have kids or anything like that, like they always have a laundry list of complaints. Like, I'm tired, like they did it. I'm always like, Well, I don't feel like that. Like it's yes, I'm tired, but I'm not like dwelling on it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:15

Like, I have three kids, so it's yeah, exactly. So that's true, right? Yeah, it sounds very hard for two parents, so there must be some okay. I think you definitely are proving something powerful here.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:27

Like, I think single parents are heroes. Yeah, my mom is single moments. They are literally heroes, like I could not do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:36

Like my mom had 12 kids and she raised them alone for half her life. Yeah. Wow. Yes. My sisters are 12 erasing me.

SPEAKER_08 1:03:47

We need to have an episode with We need to have an episode with your sisters and mom. Actually, you know, on humor. Which it will be, right? We should do it. On humor, I noticed that you humor is a huge part of your life. Yes. And that's beautiful. It really is. It's so fun. Like I've laughed so much just in the last however long we've been recording for. But I wonder if you get around to doing the difficult conversations as easily, or do you sometimes default to humor?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:20

That's a good question. Well, like you are jokingly naturally, but I'd say like if we have a serious discussion, um we rely on expertise for sure. Like when it came to picking the house, I was like, you guys just pick.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

I think we know our strength, and I think that we we learn to trust, like again with finances. I'm not even gonna question it. I was just like, just go, give me the credit card. Um but I I I mean we we have serious conversations all the time. Uh, but I'm also like when I'm around the kids and I'm and I want to be fun, I want them to have a good time, I want them dancing, and then if I need to discipline them, I get serious. But I do naturally use humor to make the room feel more comfortable, even at work. I manage a lot of people, and um there is something about you know, in sales, there's something about making the person that's buying feel good about spending time with you because they're gonna buy it. So it works, and it's but I'm naturally just bubbly. Yeah, um, but that doesn't mean that we cannot have a serious conversation.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:23

But he will be in the middle of a fight, and then I know when the fight's almost over because he'll make a joke.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:28

Yeah, that's actually what I was trying to do.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:31

Yeah, that's like his way of apologizing. We're almost there, but we're not quite. He won't say sorry, but he'll make a joke.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:38

Yeah. Like I think when we were in Mexico, we were there for an extra month and planned. So we actually had to start going, uh we had to take breaks, and some of us had to come back here to start handling our like business and stuff. Real life. And you know, we'd have like, okay, who's book who's going when this week and when, and coming back. And then I think when we were finished, Ben's like, okay, let's go get a massage. Like, that's his. Yeah, seriousness over. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:06

What I would love you to do is as we know, there are people in the world quite a lot who just cannot even entertain the idea that what you do is okay. You obviously receive quite a lot of bad messages from people, probably. I don't know how much you do that, but obviously people will hate on you, right? And what this episode proves is that actually, like, if you really look at your setup, like it's filled with love and great chemistry and parenting and so much beauty. What would you say to people who don't agree with what you do? Like a message of unity rather than like you know pushing back.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:52

Well, I I don't expect people to agree with it. I think that a lot of people that give us that message or that have that hate or that initial perception about us, they are leading with a um I would say nasty mind thinking that it's all about sex. They I feel like it's always about sex, sex, sex, sex. Our dynamic is not really that different than let's say two uh heterosexual couples that got divorced and now they live with another partner, and now they have to split a child, and then the kid goes to three different parents now. It it parenting with multiple people it exists, but for us we get honing on it because is this idea that three men are together and they're gay, and oh my god. So the but if you look past that, we're just three guys raising kids, and we have the same problems that everybody else does. And I understand that that's not for everybody, and I respect that. Uh a couple is not for me, right? So, and it and it's and it's something that um I think you just have to look beyond that and and understand. Now, um you know, I'm always in the mindset that like look at people and understand that their situation is good for them, we're happy, we're happy with what we have, the kids are happy, be happy for other people. To your point, you said it. You people are raised in a in an environment where they teach you one thing only, and anything outside of that is you know, you're going to hell. And that's more common than than often. But if you just allow yourself to accept others for who they are and understand they're not gonna impact your life, how are they impacting me negatively? I'm not asking you for money, I'm not asking you for anything, I'm not coming into your house and saying you gotta be an arthropol.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

You be a gay. I'm I'm still straight and I'm sitting in the same room with you, so it's not contagious, you know. I feel like people sometimes worry about that. What do you guys think?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:46

I think the same thing. Like, we're not here to change people to want to be an athropol. Uh, just it's showing how we live and how we're authentic with ourselves, that there are definitely hard times and there are definitely good times, um, just like any relationship. But anyone that's out there that's like worried about us or worried that we're trying to make the world all be an athropol, that's not our goal. It's just to show that we live authentically and that you can do it too if you want. And we're always open to hear if you're have questions about it or anything like that. We're open to like hearing your situation as well. So it's it's such a tough one.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:25

I don't want to like I I don't want to give it up my children. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:09:32

You can just say what's in your mind though.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:34

Yeah. I don't know. It's just uh what's the resistance? Like, you know, I don't want to judge like them at all, and I just don't want them to judge us. Um like you know, like they have those feelings because of whatever their situations are. Um and like I I just hope one day that that there's just less hate, you know, there's there's room for for for us, for everyone, to just love, be happy, raise your family, and like you shouldn't have to hate anyone for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:13

I don't know. You can just ask Tegan, our oldest, and she'll tell you how amazing her life is.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:17

So are you worried your children will be affected by people pointing fingers?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:25

Like in California, I think we're a little bit shielded from that. Yeah. Um and I would say, you know, gay parents is actually getting a little bit more common, like at least in California.

SPEAKER_08 1:10:39

In California.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:41

Um but you know, I think bullying in general for kids is really bad, from what I hear.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:47

Um, so it's just it could be extra ammo that someone might use against them, but yeah, I think this is just uh it might just be like another way to bully the kid, but who's to say that they're not gonna be bullied for their weight or for the way that it looked like that.

SPEAKER_08 1:11:01

It's just one other aspect that a bully who's always who's already planning on bullying would just use another.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:07

I think like we are very like together on this. I think we don't hide that we're three dads in public, we don't hide that we're three dads at school. We our daughter goes to a Christian preschool and we're very open about that, and they love us there. Totally fine. Oh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:22

Yeah, she goes to church every Wednesday and sings to the choir, and like they just had uh Father's Day uh not too long ago. We walked in and and the the priest or what's not the priest.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:32

It's the priest. Well, the pastor, the lady.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:33

The pastor, the lady, was like, and happy Father's Day and and Father's Day and three fathers day. Yeah, in front of everyone, in front of everyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:43

And then like even on Mother's Day, like uh the head of the preschool is like, you know, you guys can come in too, like we don't because we're like, we're just gonna take keep Tegan home during Mother's Day because it's kind of awkward. She's like, actually, you guys can come in and like you can be part of the Mother's Day too. And I'm like, we won't do that. That's kind of weird, but we we will just bring her to school a little bit later. But everyone is very like, we are very out about being three. Um out at work, you're out at work. Like, we're not hiding that we're three dads, and I think teaching that to our kids, like, don't be ashamed of who you are and don't be ashamed of us, because you are not us. So, like, be confident that you have three dads that love you. Like, there are a lot of people out there that have a divorced parent or a single mom or this or this. Like, you have three dads that love you, so like you shouldn't be bullied for that. I think as long as we teach them confidence, yeah, um, which we're all pretty confident, I think they'll have confidence.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:33

In a way, it's a superpower. I have three parents that love me.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:12:38

What?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:39

Yeah, it's he's flex. And all the kids at school pretty much know that that she has three dads because they they say it. And so I think if if she if we normalize that, if if we acted scared, I think it might create something for the kids. But I think with us being so open about it, I don't think there's gonna be anything.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:57

Yeah, that's almost the same. I agree with you in that. I think that when you initially start with the negative thought, like, don't say this because they might bully you, or don't say this. You're naturally creating that, you know. Uh I'm a huge believer that you manifest what you want, and uh, we've always uh to your point always been open. So, you know, uh we have a nanny that helps us, and she's like, Is the nanny my mom? And we're like, No, she's she's helping take care of you. You don't have a mom, you have three three dads. She's like, Oh, okay. And like, I'm sure it comes up at school. Like, uh, to your point about the kids all knowing about us. I walk in to pick her up at school, and all the kids are like, T Gang, your dad's here. I'm sure you guys experience the same thing. So they are seeing three guys that come in and grab her, and they all say your dad is here. So I think it's just we're normalizing it for other people. And as far as I know, other than the people hiding the keyboard, it's always been very positive. Always.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:53

No one to our face has said anything bad. We have horrible messages online and like just comments, but like that's gonna be for um you all probably get it as well on different things. We have posts, right? Yeah, so like you guys post controversial things, and I'm sure you get lots of crazy comments, but that's just from these people that who knows if they're even real, right? Yeah, who knows? Lots of bots, yeah. So it's just like all they're creating this division that I feel like is fake. A lot of people ask us like, what do people do when they see you in public? No one has ever said anything. The the funniest thing we had is some we dress similar a lot, and the lady in Hawaii was like, Are you guys on a sports team together? And you know, that was like the craziest thing. But I think like I've I haven't had anyone say anything negative, and we've been our Tegan was born in Texas. We were in a podunk town in Texas, and when we went to the doctor's office to bring Tegan home, they actually all put rainbow masks on for us, and like it was just such a warm experience. And it was really like in a like a tiny town in Texas, South Texas, like not an open place. That's amazing. And the hospital was like allowing us all to stay there, and they love deafs. We added them on Facebook, like we stay in contact. So I think people think there's a lot more hate than there really is because of all these comments.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:13

Yeah, I think definitely, like, even just like when I say like the California statements, but acceptance is actually, I think, on the rise quite prevalently, and that was uh an eye-opener for us.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:24

It was very eye-opening. I did not feel one ounce of hate towards us, and I think they did it intentionally, it wasn't like Pride Month or something. Yeah, they did it to make us feel comfortable. Um, I get it. The doctor like wait didn't even charge us for any of the visits, like she was just so nice. Um, I never have felt that in person, like I've never felt hate. Um, don't start now, but but I think it it's people either it's fake on the internet or people hide behind a keyboard. Yeah, it's or I think it gets more stuff on the internet gets shared much easier.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:00

It's also the extreme voices that are loudest. Yeah, yeah. And so usually the people that are fine with it, they just see and they move on, or maybe they'll like it at best. They don't spend their time commenting as much.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:13

So you hear from the extremists more.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:16

It's like the people who believe negative reviews on Yelp. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:16:21

That's that's still better because you've tried it and then you don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:24

Yeah, but to create an account to review a business, you really need to hide it. You know what I'm trying to say.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:29

They've not tried this and yet they have an opinion about it. So yeah, I love that you're not getting it.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:34

And I feel like even well, other than that video, that obviously they have an audience and they have lots of followers, so I think they reach out to way more things. But even our social media account, I don't maybe we have like one or two messages, yeah, like comments. It wasn't even like a negative, it's just more, you know, I don't know. I wouldn't say that it was something that like was horrible, but like giving our social media account, I feel like people that interact with it, they either don't say anything because they don't have a problem or they're all very supportive. Like, I don't feel like you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:05

That makes me happy.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:06

Yeah, and all you are so likable. Yeah, you're hard to do. That is like your one of your pals.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:11

Like all three of you individually and together are incredible.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:15

Yeah, like what do you mean?

SPEAKER_03 1:17:16

Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:19

Maybe, maybe. Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:22

I think on the community any anywhere.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:25

Does it feel complete for you?

SPEAKER_01 1:17:26

Yeah, I think it's very good.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:28

Yeah. I think so. Can I have my sheet back?

SPEAKER_00 1:17:32

No, we think no.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:34

It's mine.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:37

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_08 1:17:38

You're both you're all three of you are just so