The Truth About Interracial Marriage & Self Driving Cars | Raised By Her

Welcome back to Raised By Her!

We’re kicking off the New Year with equal parts chaos, culture, and celebration. In this episode, we unpack a tense misunderstanding with police at a VA hospital (yes—expired insurance and Santa hats were involved), then shift into the unsettling reality of riding in a self-driving Tesla Model 3 and how EV ownership is changing what maintenance really looks like.

From there, we dive into pop culture and relationships—starting with Venus Williams’ wedding and the online criticism surrounding interracial marriage. We share our own lived experiences navigating interracial relationships, cultural differences at home, and the unexpected challenges that come with wedding planning.

From “no kids allowed” policies to accidentally hosting an illegal riverboat wedding on the Ohio River—and even discussing Indian wedding traditions involving elephants—this episode is a reminder that life doesn’t always go as planned, but it can still be one you love.

What we cover

• Police encounters and lessons learned the hard way
• Self-driving cars, Tesla anxiety, and EV maintenance realities
• Interracial marriage and cultural fusion in families
• Wedding planning disasters, traditions, and boundaries
• Aging gracefully, identity, and choosing a life you can love

Timestamps

0:00 – Welcome to 2026
 0:28 – Surrounded by Police: The Traffic Stop Story
 2:40 – Dealing with Aggressive Officers
 5:22 – The Lesson: Check Your Insurance
 7:50 – Terrified by a Self-Driving Tesla
 12:50 – Gas Cars vs. EVs (Maintenance Costs)
 15:40 – Venus Williams & Aging Gracefully
 18:47 – Interracial Marriage Controversy
 23:38 – Cultural Differences at Home
 28:30 – Wedding Planning Gone Wrong
 35:20 – The “Illegal” Riverboat Wedding
 38:53 – No-Kids Wedding Debate
 41:35 – Indian Wedding Traditions
 45:32 – Live a Life You Can Love

🎤 New episodes every week. Honest conversations between mother and daughter on family, womanhood, and navigating life across generations.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Welcome back to Raise by Her. Please feel free to like and subscribe. We are in 2026 now.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Yes, we are. Happy New Year again.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Happy New Year again. We are rocking and rolling. We're in it now.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Yes, we are rolling. We are and you literally rolled into uh the new year. You know, that was a challenging experience for me. I was um over by the VA hospital on federal property, and uh you were with me. I ran that stop sign uh accidentally.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

It was you said you didn't even see it.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I didn't see it. It was dark uh and wasn't a whole lot of people there.

SPEAKER_02 0:46

I mean, I saw it, but I was like, oh, I guess okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

And um the police decided to stop me, and all of a sudden, uh at the next intersection, I had a police car in front of me and a police car behind me, and the police got out. And what was interesting is we were dressed in holiday uh attire, you know, so it helps and and everything. Very threatening. And they thought so. Yeah, they thought so. Um, and they told me I ran a stop sign and they asked for license and registration, uh, which I provided, and then they won't.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

It wasn't just that though, like it was extreme. Like it's the middle of the night, not the middle of the night. It's like seven-ish o'clock, all right. And so, you know, like you're saying, dark. It's dark. Um, people aren't really around, but we are going to an event at the VA Center. We are all dressed up, cute for the theme, and you make this mistake, but there's like massive, I mean, lights and sirens everywhere and three different cops, and it's like yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:50

And then when I ask you to please uh just get out the car and go and tell the folks um what was going on, because it was time for the event to start. Since after they got the license and after they got the registration, then they wanted my insurance card. And unfortunately, and this was on me, I did not have the most up-to-date insurance card. I had my insurance card expired uh from before. And so he was not going to let me go, of course, because it was the evening. I couldn't get in touch with uh my insurance company. So you dial the 1-800 number. Of course, you go into this whole cycle of automated. Well, everything is automated until you need to talk to the person. And so I'm I'm looking at the number so I can give them what my policy number is, because my policy, of course, is still in effect, but they wouldn't let me go. And they were um they weren't nice.

SPEAKER_02 2:45

No, well, the one the I guess the lead cop out of the one you were talking to was yeah, he I thought I'm gonna be very aggressive. I'm like, sir, calm down. It is not that serious. Like you see exactly what this is, right? Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Um two two two wait, excuse me, two African-American women dressed in uh holiday attire, and uh we're going to do something for the vets there at the hospital. And but he didn't care.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

But it was it wasn't just him though, because it was all these other so a couple of the other cops though, there was one that was nice, um, because then like I went in, uh, which he had an issue with.

unknown 3:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:18

And then he had an issue with uh I didn't tell her she could get out of the car. And I said, Well, sir, I needed her to go let the other people know why we are not there. And he said, I don't care what it is, um, but eventually they let me go. But that was uh no, they did not give me uh a ticket, and but I did look up on the on the internet um what kind of violation they would have given me uh or could have given me a citation. Um, and if I had wanted to protest it, I would have had to go to federal court to to protest it. So I was I was thankful and grateful not to get a ticket. And I was grateful for the fact that uh they eventually uh let me go and uh we could go ahead and still have uh our event. Although um it was probably 15, 20 minutes that I was there. And with all the lights and everything, I I I could have been, I think, a bit more anxious because it's a threatening feeling not to know why they are being so aggressive based upon the fact that it was obvious we were there for a purpose. And I didn't think that I looked like uh one of the drug dealers that was trying to bring uh some kind of contraband or whatever on the You were very gracious, as you are, but then also like you were also very calm.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

Like I I think I was calm too, but not to the degree that you were because I was irritated. I was like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Like it is not that serious. I know it's not that serious.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

But I ran the stop sign. So my my thought was okay, so I did break the law, and it's not going to benefit me to not be cooperative and nice. And you know, at the end of the day, I didn't think I didn't think it was major. Now, based upon the fact that I didn't have an active insurance card, I guess I could have ended up in jail. And I kept telling people that uh, you know, you may have had to come and visit me because uh not going to another federal property after that. That's exactly right. That is exactly so so my advice uh is make sure that you don't miss the stop signs wherever you are. Pay attention when you're driving. Pay attention when you're driving, particularly in the dark, and make sure that um that you obey all the laws because um and have your up-to-date information. And always have your update-to-date information. And so, because I shared this with a lot of family and friends, people kept saying, Oh, you know what? I don't have my up-to-date one, you know. I mean, I just tell them and show them, and or most of the time we don't have to show our insurance card. We can just tell them we have it when they ask and they get the license and registration. But uh, like I said, I must have had the look of someone that was uh well.

SPEAKER_02 6:02

A couple of other people who attended that event um that evening as well also got pulled over for it because it's a confusing uh parking area and entrance into the VA. And so um that may I maybe they were just having a a bad I mean they were doing their jobs. Let me, you know, they were doing their jobs, but I mean, I know not everybody can do their jobs with a smile, but you know, especially yeah, during the holiday season.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

And um yeah, I think the other people that got pulled over were as uh confused by the fact that they got pulled over too. Um so we did through. We did, and they were having a slow night, so we gave them something to do. So well, next time they can choose something else to do that doesn't that that is true, and uh it is a constant reminder though, we must make sure that you obey the law.

SPEAKER_02 6:51

And do you need that reminder?

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Well, obviously now I do. So um I don't remember the last time that I had gotten a speeding ticket or uh any kind of ticket in my site.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

You're a very cautious driver.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I try to be. I try to be. I think personally, as you age too, you need to pay more attention to all things that you're doing. And so I think that's why I'm a cautious driver. Not as cautious as your grandmother was, uh, Rosa, because grandmama didn't drive the speed limit. She drove below the speed limit. Do you remember that?

SPEAKER_02 7:24

In the fast lane. Of course I remember because that was terrifying. I it's like one extreme or the other. My grandmother would slow down in the fast lane, and then I had my father who would drive fast, kind of no matter what. And so I was like, there's no winning here.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

So um, so you learned how to drive in in two extreme situations. Yes. I just was able to level that out. Yeah, your father was a bit scary in the way that he used to drive.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Actually, you know how it's leveled out for me now. Um, so we have a self-driving Tesla.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

Yes, I know.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Yeah, and so you also experienced that for the first time and you were like, What is happening? You said you were a little terrified. You were being gracious because you're like, I realize I'm the passenger, and then I'm just sitting in the backseat and there's nothing I can do.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

But uh why did you all get a self-driving car?

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Because my husband's obsessed with is obsessed with technology. Okay. And uh it's you know, the latest thing, I guess. But that that has been my experience in being married to him. I've had to up my tech game and like across all areas of my life. Like we have these smart toilets that I had to learn how to imagine having to learn how to use a toilet like all over again and like fight with it to like raise up and down and then like program it. And so I feel like in every aspect of my life. And we had a conversation uh before getting the Tesla, the electric cars generally, and then like I was like, pick whichever one you think is best.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

But you had to go to class for that too, didn't you?

SPEAKER_02 8:50

I had to go to class, and I was like, I don't want to have to relearn how to drive. Like, we're on this. I already have to do so much on my to-do list to I now have to relearn how to drive. But I was trying to be a gracious spouse.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

And so let's talk about that self-driving uh whole experience for you. How is it? Uh, and what is the experience like in the car? And then I'll talk about from the passenger side what I see and what my concerns are.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

Well, your concerns. Yes, yes. Well, now it's fine. Now I enjoy it. Now it's and the technology is better today than it was. I think we got our first one um maybe five or six years ago. Okay. And so uh we just got um another one and the technology is already better. I don't think I loved it initially, but now I'm like, oh, okay, it's it's um like so, for example, you can it reads your your eyes, and so you um if you like look away or if you look down or something, it's not as sensitive as the old technology. It you had to have your hands on the steering wheel for them to know that you're paying attention.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

I guess I shouldn't admit this because I'm kind of like, well, the technology is better, so I have to I don't have to pay as much attention when I'm using it. Um, but it's just it's good now, but it did take some adjustment. All this upskilling in technology has taken adjustment, but it's been worth it for the most part. It's a net net positive.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

When I uh was doing just a little bit of research um uh on this, just because I was fascinated by the experience I was having from the backseat. Um most self-driving cars are in California, in the state of California. And um it's it's like less than one percent of the people who have the electric cars actually have the self-driving cars. Oh, really? Yeah, that's interesting. I wonder why.

SPEAKER_02 10:38

Um probably because of cost, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah, it could be because of that. But from the experience of the passenger and and I was in the back seat and watching it, it's very um just concerning to watch the car uh change lanes. And then when you're when you're going to a stoplight to um to have the car just decide that it's going to to stop. Now, I on the highway, it was uh it was pretty easy to to sort of get comfortable watching that because they're not a lot of cars around, at least when we were on the highway. But that in-city driving was a bit uncomfortable for me.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

Okay, well that's that's duly noted. And I can see it also probably has to do with a bit with the driver. Like my husband and I, shocker, drive very differently. And so I I feel like he pays less attention, which makes me nervous when I'm a passenger. Cause I'm like, you still have to pay attention when you're driving. Whereas um I only use it part of the time because I still like that that control. Sure. Um, and yeah, well, when it switches lanes when I don't think it's time to switch lanes, I'm like, wait a minute. And then that can be, I know like sometimes the car jerks and you're like, what is happening? I'm like, but don't worry about it. Like then you're like, what do you mean don't worry about it?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Exactly. I I I remember that uh that that jerking feeling.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

But so um I guess the technology continues to evolve.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

Well, I kept thinking about the days that uh we had cruise control, which was the first thing in kind of uh it um my life and having the car having some kind of control. But cruise control was something that you could set it on the speed, and the car would just go down the highway on the certain speed limit. And then if you put your foot on the brake, it would automatically turn the cruise control off. But it was a steady speed, so that saved you from getting speeding tickets if you're on the highway. So, but I was thinking had you driven to that event at the VA center, and you that's true.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

The car had been driving itself, it would have stopped at the end of the day. It would have stopped.

SPEAKER_01 12:41

So we would we would have missed that whole experience.

SPEAKER_02 12:45

Yeah. But actually, now I'm a big advocate of um electric cars. I'll say Tesla's in particular because I know they're all um a little different. And I mean, I'm not a big fan of the ethics of the CEO and leadership of Tesla, but the product is excellent. And so I think to myself, like, if it was just, but I have the benefit of my husband who takes care of like the charging and like all of that other kind of and the updates and all of that, but it's easier, which you know I'm a big fan of. I'm like anything that makes my life more convenient and easier, I'm here for. And so I'm like, if it was just me, would I go back to a gas car or would I keep an electric car? I think I would keep an electric car because, like, so for example, when you buy a regular car, it gets worse as time goes on as you're driving it. And but with the Tesla, it gets better.

SPEAKER_01 13:38

When you say it gets worse, what are you are you talking about maintenance? Are you talking about uh maintenance, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:43

You have to have like ongoing maintenance for a regular car.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Things that you use, you do have to have a car.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

It's a computer, it updates itself.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

So you don't have to worry at all about anything in terms of maintaining the Tesla because it updates itself.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

And if there's an issue, like I remember um not with the car we have now, but one of the the older cars, there was some issue with the uh the side window. And so we called Tesla, or maybe actually, you can't really call like we sent them a text message or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

You can't call a Tesla.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

But they came out, like they sent somebody out like the next day. So we didn't have to like take the car anywhere. They came to us, they fixed it, um, and then it was it was done. You pay it and it's done. We actually switched out the steering wheel and one of the cars as well, too. And it wasn't like we had to drive it to an auto shop or anything, they just came out and and switched it up, and it was like, You're good, we're good. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

So this is your third Tesla, and each time it's gotten better and better.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

So from my perspective.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Okay. All right. No oil changes.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

No oil changes. No nothing. No gas. People are like, people hear people complaining about gas prices, and I'm like, I um I haven't looked at a gas price. But I recently went to the car wash and the guy was asking me, Well, are you looking at your electric bill? Uh, because you know, like because you have it plugged into your house, is it making like a big difference? And I was like, I don't think it's making a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Oh, that's interesting. Well, good for you.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

And uh just will you be getting an electric car in the future then?

SPEAKER_01 15:10

That is not the plan for 2026, but yes, I think that it's important to be able to stay up to date. And I think it's really good to be able to embrace technology. I I am an advocate for that, and um so change is is is good, and we'll see what happens in the future, but not today.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

But not today. Okay, not today. Yeah, I understand. Um, okay, so also over the past few weeks, we saw a really beautiful wedding happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

We did, we did, with um one of my favorite uh persons uh who is uh a sister of uh another sister, and that's um the uh the athlete um Venus Williams and how she uh got married.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

Yeah, she got married, and it was um it was cool to watch like all the pictures, and she looked gorgeous. She's getting better with age. Um she's looking great.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

Yeah, she looks fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

And like I her spirit looks good, you know. Like I'm not obviously like right next to her, I don't know her, but like whatever she's radiating is positive coming through.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

I think what she's radiating is uh she's aging in a way that um that she looks like she loves life. And of course, uh the gentleman that she just married, obviously the love of her life at the present time, and uh her wedding was a five-day event. Uh, they had two different ceremonies, and they had a ceremony in uh in Italy, and um they were around family and friends. And I I think the way that she looked in in the photographs, I think, to your point, is not only the fact that she's embracing life, but she looks genuinely happy about this point uh of time.

SPEAKER_02 16:55

It does. And we've been tracking her for a while, her and her sister, just because um they were big when I first started playing tennis.

SPEAKER_01 17:03

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

And so they were, you know, the inspiration for this black girl and playing tennis. And then I went on to play like in college and everything. And so I was able to just have those women as role models. And so I just love the fact that I that I can continue to watch them as they age and they go into like different phases of their lives.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

And the success they have had, I think, has been not only from the standpoint of their tennis professions, but also they have been women who appears to have who appear to have uh character and values and their family ethics. I mean, there's a whole um persona that the Williams sisters have had throughout that particular.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

There's that movie. There's that movie. Do you remember? I can't remember the name of the movie.

SPEAKER_01 17:45

Oh, their father, the movie that was all about their father and their um their career. Yes, I do remember that.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

I can't remember the name of it, but I remember it was really good.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

It was good. Yeah, and it demonstrated how discipline is so necessary if you want to be a professional athlete. But also know what your goals are. I was I was really excited to see them, not only in the in the movie and to have their their life laid out like that, but really to understand the fact that you can have a goal and you can work towards the goal. And the goal can manifest in in your life, but you have to keep going. You have to keep going, you have to keep going. And they had to deal with racism and sexism, you know. There was a problem with their hair and the problem with the beads that the opponents didn't like the fact that the braids had beads on it, and you could hear the the beads coming up. It's hard being the first. It's hard, but it's that also shows that it's possible.

SPEAKER_02 18:42

Yeah, yeah, it's possible, but it's it's um hard. So when these photos came out, I also saw I saw a lot of commentary on social media about the fact that she married a white guy. Um and then they were like, Well, her sister married a white guy too. And they were like, Is it a family issue? And I was like, is it an issue at all?

SPEAKER_01 19:02

Yeah, yeah, I I don't think it's an issue. I think it's uh a result of where we are in this country today in terms of the choices that people make. The interracial marriages, uh, the percentages have been growing and growing and growing. And I I think that uh their world, I would imagine that the Williams sisters world has been a world since they have been professional and been successful, to have a lot of interaction with men of all backgrounds. And so the men who have I think probably chosen them as they have chosen um their spouses have been men who have means resources and also who could be able to celebrate the kind of life that they have been able to live in.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

So last time I was at South by Southwest, um which is which is a festival. It's a cultural festival. It's a culture festival in the US that brings together music. And film and comedy and thought leadership and um you know just just all the things, thousands and thousands of people, and it's at least two weeks and it's in Austin, Texas, and I fully recommend it if one is able to go. They also do stuff around like education. There's like s um southbysouthwest.edu. And so um, if folks aren't aware of it, they should look it up because if you are into um thought leadership and looking at uh different ideas and trends and not just understanding whatever it is you're doing in your current profession, where that is, but where um things are going, both uh for your industry and then also like the broader culture, it's it's a helpful place to be. So the last time I was there, I was um at a panel and Serena Williams' husband was on that panel.

SPEAKER_01 20:54

So he's a businessman and uh he is, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

He founded some uh some tech websites, yeah. And so I mean when I first saw a picture of him, I was like, I don't really get it.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

But when wait a minute, you don't get what? You don't get her attraction to him, you don't get the world's attraction to him, you don't get his success. What is it that you might do?

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Nothing but amazing things in terms of his personality.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Absolutely right.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Um, but just based on the pictures that I would see, I was like, you know, I that's a choice. Right. Um, but when he walked out and um his swag and his vibe and his conversation, I was like, oh I get it. And he was so humble. And he, you know, because it comes out, they like read his bio, and he was like, honestly, I'm just Serena's husband. Oh, and I was like, Yeah, yeah, he's everything. Yeah, so he I am definitely a big fan of him. Yeah, yeah, it was cool. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

Um what did he talk about in the panel?

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Oh, I can't, I I can't remember, but probably I yeah, I can't remember. Probably something around leadership and entrepreneurship and whatever the latest tech and whatever he's doing in terms of investments and things like that, I would imagine.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 22:07

Um, maybe some um DEI, diversity, equity, and inclusion talk as well. Um, maybe some of the charity work that's probably going down all the things. The list of things, you know, it could have been any number of things that he was talking about. But I mean, so in I mean, have you ever considered uh take it all the way back, um, an interracial marriage or relationship?

SPEAKER_01 22:29

Uh no, that was not something that I considered. But having gone to a predominantly white school, there were uh a lot of uh the African-American males that were dating uh white women and um not so many sisters dating white men at that particular time. Now we're talking though. I went to school in the early 70s, late 60s, early 70s. So life has changed dramatically now because uh 19% of the marriages uh in the United States are interracial marriages, and that that can be not only black and white, but it's Hispanic and white, and it's Asian and white, and you know, it's all other kinds of of uh races and relationships as well. Um I don't think it was something that was top of the mind, but I'm not sure that the opportunity was was there in that in that same way. Uh now later in life, as I have taken a look at um the children of uh family and friends, I've seen a lot of interracial dating, a lot of interracial marriages and particularly with my generation. So yes, absolutely. Well, your husband, as a matter of fact.

SPEAKER_02 23:39

Yeah, well, I didn't know that I was entering it into an interracial marriage.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

When I married my husband. I'm not sure that our our viewers and listeners would know what that means if you say I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

I really didn't and I I just didn't think about it in this way, but I should have known better because I know that black people are not a monolith. Um and so, but when I think of the black experience, I'm thinking of my own experience, my own family experience. And so I'm I'm thinking about the black church experience, I'm thinking about um learning the black national anthem before I even learn the American national anthem. I'm thinking, you know, so I some of those things that are rooted, but so I'm married to a black man, but he is not um, oh, what's the terminology? It's like foundational something, um, descendants of slaves, whatever it is that we are. He is half Filipino and half Afro-Caribbean. And so there are some cultural differences. Like, even though we're all black, there are definitely some cultural differences that I just didn't take into consideration because I didn't think about it. I was just thinking about black people generally. So um, like his black experience is so different from your black experience.

SPEAKER_01 24:55

Uh, and and I've realized that um throughout your your marriage. And you all have been married over 10 years, and so you've been together for for quite a while. But just listening to him and listening to his childhood and then uh knowing his family and having conversations with his mom, it's just it was a different kind of upbringing in terms of the black experience.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Yes, it was, and it just it shocked me. And so I just I give a lot of credit for people to people who are in interracial relationships because that's just an extra thing to to learn and to navigate. It's possible, it can be beautiful, you know, bringing different cultures together and everything. I'm I'm here for the fusion, the fusion of the food, the fusion of the culture, the fusion of the relationships and all of that, but it is like an extra thing to consider.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Well, I have several friends whose um sons or daughters have have married uh uh someone that was not African American. And in our conversations, we we talk about the fact of how your son or daughter has to learn uh cultural um traditions of other other races and how that impacts, whether it was the wedding ceremony or how it impacts the holidays or how it impacts just the whole family dynamics. And that's something to take into consideration as well. You know, it can be cool, it can be wonderful, but it can be a little challenging as well.

SPEAKER_02 26:16

I mean, one of the things that I thought was interesting that I hadn't really considered, although I know that black people do this, and then even we were talking about this at a different time uh with some other family members about intergenerational households. Uh, but that was um something that was just like from his perspective, I believe, like that's just something that you do. Like you bring in all the generations into your house, and I was like, say what now? You know, everybody comes and lives, yeah, lives together. Yeah. And I was like, huh. Is that what we're doing in the United States of America?

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Well, yes. I think um if you look at the whole um historical perspective from black people, the migration from the south to the north, a part of that was embracing, just bringing family together in in general. And then if you look at some of the Indian cultures, then you know that embracing the elders at a certain time, that's what uh the cultures do. So it's just it's a different makeup in this world where things have become smaller and smaller in terms of people, places, and things.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

Yeah, I just it's uh the cultural differences are interesting. But um congratulations again to to Venus and Serena. Right, right. They're making it work. Yeah, they're making it work. Um yeah, so the criticisms that I was seeing online, I was like, I hope that they are able to just kind of move past that and then they don't even I'm sure they have because I they've been dealing with it for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yes, they've been dealing with uh with criticism from a for a long time. They also have been dealing with how people see them and how they see themselves. And you know that they see themselves in a way that they're not even worried about that other stuff because you know they've made it. I mean, you know, you when you become a Serena Williams or a Venus Williams, and you can go around and have your your trophies and your medals and all of the different matches that you've won, you don't even have to pay attention to the way other people think about you and what they say. Did it remind you at all of your wedding and because the looking at the photographs and just thinking about all the pomp and circumstance and all that?

SPEAKER_02 28:28

Was my wedding pomp and circumstance?

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Your wedding was pomp and circumstance, yes. Uh-huh. And anyone who either watches us or listens to us on a regular basis would know that it would be.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

It wasn't minimalist.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

No, not minimalist at all. Uh, probably much to your father's chagrin at some point.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

But uh, and my husband probably to some degree as well.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

But yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

I feel very uh grateful to have had a good wedding experience because that's also it's an exciting time, but it's also like a stressful time. And you don't know, or I didn't know what I was getting into. Fortunately, I had you to help me navigate, and you did a better job than my wedding planner.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

Yes, you said that a number of times. So uh, but I think your wedding planner had to deal with you and me, and I think that that was very challenging for dealing with you and me is challenging. Well, I think that probably for someone who um knows what should be done and knows what could be done, and the person wants to be able to satisfy the customer, us, but we had our own way of being able to want to do things. And planning a wedding is challenging because you also have the families and you have the groom, you have all these different people with influence. And so I think um for the most part, I think.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

I think you're saying because I would think because uh we were on the same page, which I think was was clear.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

I mean the two of us? The two, yeah, for the most part. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

And so whatever.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Because it was your wedding, excuse me. Let me say we were on the same page because it was your wedding, and I wanted to make sure that you had what you wanted within reason for your wedding. Yes, I'm glad.

SPEAKER_02 30:08

Within reason, by the way. It's additional content.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

I know that yes. Well, you know, we we we want to be authentic. We have to be honest here.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

So um, but I would just think that because uh we were on the same page and we are very specific about what it is that um I wanted, we wanted. So there wasn't any like, well, this person's telling me this thing over here, this person's telling me this thing over here. I just it it's hard for me to understand when you receive very specific instructions, how if it's your your whole business and your whole job to to execute um uh different aspects of a wedding, like where the challenge would would arise.

SPEAKER_01 30:45

I think for the woman who was helping us at the particular time uh of your wedding, I I think her her challenge became the other people that we had uh involved as well, because not only the venue and the we had the church, and then we had the place for the reception, and then we had um a an event planner who was helping with um all of the decor. And so it was just you know, all these moving.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

That's literally that's why we get paid a crazy amount of money.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Yes, yes. Uh, I do understand that that is that is the case.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

And at the end of the day, I know you said, mommy, you should have just done the whole thing yourself, and then we wouldn't have had to deal with it's very kind of you to um to to uh back her up uh because when I I like she forgot the can she forgot to light the candles.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

Which we can see on the photographs, yes.

SPEAKER_02 31:37

No, I know nobody else knew and nobody else under like nobody else had.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

Uh over 10 years later, and and see it's still on your mind.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

But isn't that like a bride, though?

SPEAKER_01 31:49

That is like a bride.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

You know, like I don't think so. I don't think I was a bridezilla. Do you think I was a bride's brother?

SPEAKER_01 31:55

No, you weren't a bridezilla bride, but um I just think she had lots of things that she just I don't think she was used to doing a wedding, even though she said she wasn't, even though the people that we talked to ahead of time said that she would be able to handle it. I mean, she got good recommendations. And we interviewed, I don't know, what, three or four people?

SPEAKER_02 32:19

At least because we had a top, a top three, and she was the she was number two. Yeah. Because the first one was like, well, we don't want to spend the whole budget on the wedding plan. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 32:27

That's true. That is true. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:28

But yeah, I just it's it it always baffles me because I do feel like real I'm really direct and uh really honest about expectations. And so if and it's okay to say no, that's not like a good fit for me, or no Which is what the first our first choice said in terms of wedding planning. No, she didn't. She just her prices were like double or triple what this other lady was.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Which is why she we chose the woman.

SPEAKER_02 32:53

Oh well, yeah, that's that that's why we chose her. But um like if if it's not within your realm, um then then don't say yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Well, uh in terms of trying to negotiate, I remember I trying to negotiate with the number one person.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

And yeah, she was like, this was gonna cost me.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

Well, uh yes, because I think she could read the personalities and what we wanted and but your wedding was was uh was beautiful and it was exciting and it was uh and people had uh a wonderful time and uh you and your husband seemed to enjoy it. And you went uh on a honeymoon um afterwards. Where did you go?

SPEAKER_02 33:35

Yeah, we went to where in Italy were we? Uh Sorrento.

SPEAKER_01 33:40

Moffi Coast and Sorrento.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

Sorrent, yeah, and the Mafi Coast, yeah. Yeah, I I um I feel really grateful to have had a positive wedding experience overall because like in your conversations with your friends, it it can go any number of different ways uh for any number of different reasons because there's just a lot of moving parts, there's a lot of moving pieces, and uh I just feel really grateful to have fantastic people um in my life who also helped make it amazing. Like I think about my bachelorette party.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah, where did you all go for that your best?

SPEAKER_02 34:11

We went to Miami, and actually the girls that were there still talk about it today, and they were like, we should do like another one. I was like, we'd probably have to call it something else. Right, right. Different um, you know, phases of our life. But I'm trying to think, most of them didn't know each other. Is that true? Yeah, most of them didn't know each other, but you wouldn't have known that. Like they just gelled. I was like, oh man, I love this. So maybe at some point I will.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

Um so are the women now most of them still in your life in some way?

SPEAKER_02 34:44

Um, that's a good question. So I had six bridesmaids, um, three. So half, which I guess that's pretty good in terms of like statistics. And nothing has happened in terms of the ones I don't talk to on an ongoing basis. It's just, you know, our lives now look very different than they did uh 10 years ago. But I could still call if I wanted to. But in terms of the people I talked to on an ongoing basis, there's three.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Yeah, that's cool. That's that's really nice.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

What about from you?

SPEAKER_01 35:12

Ooh. Oh. Yeah, okay. Well, well, let's let's let's go back like the way I went back.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Okay, so is there anything from your wedding that you're like, like I remember the candles not being lit, and I was like, it's messing up what the ambiance vision was.

SPEAKER_01 35:24

Is there anything that you can remember from your um I had a theme wedding with your dad, and we were um we were on uh a boat, on a party boat, and um we found out um the day before the wedding, we were going to get married cruising down the Ohio River. Um, and uh everybody had to meet uh at a dock in Cincinnati, Ohio. And we found out that the Ohio River is not, uh, you can't get married cruising down the Ohio River, that you have to get married at the dock if you have a license for the uh getting married in the state of Ohio, because the river, the water belonged to the state of Kentucky.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

Oh we did the state issues.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

Yeah, it was yeah, so so we didn't know that. So we were laughing because we thought had we did what we had planned to do, and that is to have the river boat cruising when the valves were taking place, we really wouldn't have been married. Yeah, yeah. So uh so that was uh something that was very um we'll say different. But the people who were a few people who were late arriving, they were glad we were still at the dock because we kept telling people that you had to be there on time because the boat was going to take off because we had a certain amount of time that we had uh late arrivals. Well, yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:49

Um weddings are one of those things that you you don't want to be late to because you need it, you don't want to come in when the I guess they like keep you in the back if yeah, they yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

They they would do that. Um, but it was a it was a theme wedding. The theme was adventures in paradise, and so we had kind of very on brand for you.

SPEAKER_02 37:05

Yeah, well, you're not thinking of not consistent.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

So well, how about that? How about that? And now that was who you know, like 42 years ago. 42 years ago. Oh, oh that's that's a long time. So I had to um, but again, a beautiful ceremony and and and a wonderful memory, and folks had fun, which I think is.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

So you had a positive wedding experience as well. I did. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

Um two things that were really great, and this is um, I call it uh sort of like serendipity, but if you're uh at the particular time of day that we were cruising down uh the Ohio River, um, if there was a home run hit at the Cincinnati Ball Stadium, then they had fireworks that would go off. So at a particular time, we're on the river and it's you know it's dusk and it's a beautiful evening. And now all these fireworks that's really cool are going off for people to did you plan that it's like God plan after this. It was it was wonderful. Um, what I did plan was um to have a photographer on one of the bridges that would take a picture of the the the um boat cruising or the ship cruising down the Ohio River, and so you have this photograph of um of all of us, and then I had a point where everybody would just be waving, and so you guys have pictures of the pictures of it. It got to get the picture, so that was uh that was that was cool. Yeah, and I thought, okay.

SPEAKER_02 38:35

So yeah, um, yeah, because you were at my wedding. I clearly, you know, obviously I wasn't at your wedding, so it's always to see the weren't even thought about it as I was. So it's always good to hear the stories beyond the pictures.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Oh, I know another like point of contention at my wedding. I wanted a no child wedding.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Oh, yes, no children.

SPEAKER_02 38:56

Yeah, and so that was also a point of conversation within the family. Yeah, yeah, because they were like, Well, you don't want the screaming babies, and one kid'll behave. And I'm like, Does your kid behave?

SPEAKER_01 39:04

Well, is that the experience that people have? It was a little challenging uh because we are very family-oriented and we're from a big family, and uh It was the right decision. So uh I I understand that. I know why you'd say that.

SPEAKER_02 39:19

It was the right decision, but I know that's something that like that's something that people talk about often that that it's it's it could be difficult in planning a wedding when you have a certain vision and then folks are like, what about this? What about this?

SPEAKER_01 39:31

I think it's a certain kind of wedding too. I mean, your your wedding was uh a black tie affair, and so it was uh it was an adult occasion. It was although you did have um your niece, Hughes niece, to be your flower girl. So she was permitted to she was permitted. She was permitted to come. She was allowed to enter the church. She she um she did a beautiful job.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

She did, yeah, she yeah, she was on point.

SPEAKER_01 39:54

So uh and she felt all grown up and yeah, she I yeah round of applause.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

Yeah, she Did an excellent job. Auntie Donica was very, very happy.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Yes. And we we actually talked about the wedding during the holidays. Um, because there was uh the other niece who was a baby who just was not happy that she stayed with the babysitters because we did have babysitters. I think that's also a really good point for the um those individuals who were from out of town that still had their children with them. So I arranged to have uh to have sitters.

SPEAKER_02 40:29

You went above and beyond because you were like, we need to consider and we need to, and so yeah, because not everybody does that. Some people are like, no child wedding, fit you figure it out. And we were like, no. No, no, well, you were like, no. We will we will hire babysitters and they won't be, you know, in the yeah. So you good for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Well, it was good for us, it was good for us, it was good for us. Yeah, good experience. So, um, so you know, it was uh a good memory, and uh I'm thoroughly glad that uh for you it was a real positive occasion because if you're gonna go through not only the expense but the time and the energy and effort, you want the bride and the groom to be really pleased with the outcome of the wedding.

SPEAKER_02 41:15

So that's true. Um and I yeah, and weddings, um, I actually wonder if they are as popular today as they used to be.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

No, I think you can take the money and put it as a down payment on a house and be able to move forward in your life. Yes. Uh yes.

SPEAKER_02 41:32

The best wedding that um I've ever been to thus far, besides my own, uh, was a good friend of mine who's Indian, and that was my very first Indian wedding. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:42

That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_03 41:43

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, and so she had gotten us the saris from India, and it was multi-day. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

Um Venus had five days, so there's exactly so.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

That's I think a part of the reason why I was like, you know, whatever I do, like I, you know, this is minimalist.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

So well, I would say no, but but that's okay. Let's talk about that Indian wedding, though, because it was my first time attending uh an Indian wedding, and what a beautiful continuous celebration it was.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

It's just yeah, the the dancing, the the good vibes, the celebrate. It's just like constant celebration. And it's planned. I like like every day is a little different, yeah, too. And um, yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

So you had to have um different outfits, and they were all beautiful in the um different colors, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And um, the bride was beautiful in the parents, and then the day of the wedding, it was an all-day affair as well. And the elephants were something that I had never experienced. So they had um, I had to ask where they got elephants from the zoo, I think.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

Yeah, that's what I didn't know you could rent elephants.

SPEAKER_01 42:57

Well, I didn't know that now we did, but but yes, keep mine for for future events. Only if you have a multicultural wedding. But um, but it was just the not only the pomp and circumstance, but also I I really just like the ceremonial special touches that they have, which is why it was an all-day um affair and the the entrance of the families and the the bride and groom and all of that was just very well.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Oh, I also gave her a lot of credit because um one of the days, I think it was the actual wedding day, uh, they did it outdoors in a big beautiful tent that was decorated to the nines. Um, and I was like, You you're gonna do this outdoors because what if it rains? Did it actually rain or Dressel? I don't I don't know. I don't think it was. I don't think it was. Yeah, okay, but I but that's something that I was thinking about like with my own wedding. And I was like, shout out to all the brides who have outdoor weddings because that extra, again, just stress and consideration. You have no control over right the weather. Right. Um, it could just like throw everything off. So I think to you did kind of outdoor because you did you were on a book. I did.

SPEAKER_01 44:03

We were on a weather? So I probably did at the time, but um, it was more important to have the the difference and to be able to do something that worked within our theme and other priorities.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

Yes. Okay, yes. Got it.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

And uh it was in July. So July and August are the two months in Ohio that have the least amount of rain. August is definitely.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

You were planning, you were strategic about it.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Well, you know, you but you never know. It wasn't April showers that you were doing. No, you never know, but uh but it worked out. Celebrations, special times, special memories. We want everybody to just be able to kind of do that the way that they want to do it, the way they can do it, the way they plan to do it.

SPEAKER_02 44:43

And it's important, one of the things you've taught me is that it's important to celebrate different moments um in your life. You know, just just pause and experience the joy of various moments. So otherwise you just live and you can miss it. And then when you look back, you don't always realize how important those things were. And then you might then you might wish that you had like, you know, celebrated it in a different type of way. Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

No, I think you're you're correct. I think it's um as we've talked about before, things can always go one way or the other. And so you really have to be as intentional as you can about doing the things you can control, and then those things that you can't, you have to just let them go when you've done all that you know to do.

SPEAKER_02 45:27

So final message then.

SPEAKER_01 45:32

The final message, I think, for all of us is to work on living the best life we can. And we want uh each other to be able to embrace all those special moments and to also live a life that is the best life.

SPEAKER_02 45:49

Live a life that is a best life for you.

SPEAKER_01 45:53

For you, a life that you can love.

SPEAKER_02 45:55

A life that you can love. Oh, I love that. They might hear that again. Live a life that you can love.

SPEAKER_01 46:02

Live a life that you can love.

SPEAKER_02 46:03

All right, and on that note, we will see you next week. We hope you enjoy the conversation. Please feel free to like and subscribe.

unknown 46:10

Bye.

SPEAKER_00 46:23

She's got wisdom, she's got sex, she's got questions, she's got class, two voices gonna lie, like wisdom.