Bob & Brad Perpetually Wrong

Episode 41

Bob & Brad

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0:00 | 1:16:23
SPEAKER_01

You're hanging out with Bob and Brad. Two guys with too many moves, too many takes, and not nearly enough facts. Welcome to Bob and Brad Perpetually Wrong.

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Welcome to Bob and Brad Perpetually Wrong. Forty-one times now, Bob, we've sat down here to tell all our listeners worldwide.

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Worldwide.

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Everything they need to know.

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And some things they don't need to know.

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Some things they don't need to know. And the one thing that they do need to know is that me, you, and Mr. Zomer saw old Presidente Trump this week. We did. And what a good time that was.

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Yes.

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I've never been to anything like that.

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Me neither. It was an experience.

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Has he Zomer ever been in Didow?

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I don't think he has either.

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Yeah, it's way different than I thought it would be. I thought it would be very organized per se.

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Not so much.

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But we're VIPs thanks to uh Keith and I didn't get his last name. What is Keith? Lane. Keith Lane? Like a good friend of ours.

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Yes. Okay. Keith texted me, said, Hey, Bob. Does Bob and Brad want to go see the president speak at the GM Proving Grounds?

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Absolutely Tootley.

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And so I said, Oh yeah, hold on. I text Brad. Hey, is there any chance you can get Monday off of work? And he responds, not a chance in hell. So I said, okay, I bet I can change that. I screenshot the conversation with Keith, Lane, sent it to you, and didn't say nothing. And then all of a sudden, fuck it. I'm calling in. Let's go.

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That was a good time, though. It was a great time. It was.

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We were 30 feet from I think you're being generous.

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28.

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Yeah. Yeah. We were somewhere between 28 and 30 feet away from Trump during his whole speech.

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For an hour and nine minutes. Yep. It was a best speech. It was great. Best speech ever.

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There was a rowdy one in the crowd that started yelling and screaming something, but of course he was way in the back because he was not a VIP. And uh couldn't understand what he said. Trump didn't pay no attention to him. And then when they carted him off out of there, he says, I don't even know what that guy was saying. He's just a communist anyway. And you know what? That's exactly what that motherfucker was. He was a county bastard.

SPEAKER_02

I think there was a small group that was trying to start shit.

SPEAKER_01

Well, there was, and I saw that on the news later, of course. Oh they had a bunch of signs up saying no data centers. And uh they got they got taken out of there. Didn't they? Yeah, they had signs that said no data centers, blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, you dumb fucks. The camera weren't it wasn't even pointing that way, so your signs are meaningless.

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Right. Um And nobody cared to hear what you said had to say.

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Huge mixed bag of people, though.

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Yes.

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Uh you had us, which are our average Joes.

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Yep.

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You had a couple people that just had more money than they should have, because holy fuck, nobody needs that kind of cash. And then you had the uh, I like to call them the county fair folk. Yes. Yes. Uh you know, I appreciate Keith getting us in there like that, the royal treatment.

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And it was. It was awesome.

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It was awesome. Um, I found it kind of odd that you didn't tell him that I was married.

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What do you mean?

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Well, he had his mom sit over by us and she was eyeballing me. Did you see her eyeballing me? Yeah, well. You know, I'm like, dude, does he know I'm married?

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He was thinking you were gonna be his stepdad.

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Every young man's dream.

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So we got this special guest VIP stuff, okay? We got a map, told us what parking lot to park in. It was the parking lot at the building.

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Hundred yards away from the entry door.

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Everybody else, if you weren't VIP, had to park way, way, way away.

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Then they're in the turnstiles like cows going to get milked.

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Not us. Nope. So a general admission had you had to feed through we bob and weave, weave, weave. We had no gates, and we just went right on through, got right through, bypassed all the general admission, which was awesome.

SPEAKER_02

Pretty sure the Secret Service ever said, Oh, excuse me, sir, I'm sorry I got in your way. Go on through.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. Then we get inside, and there's this area of chairs right up front that said reserved on them. And lo and behold, we start walking up there, and there's names on the seats.

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For saving them.

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Yes. This is reserved for so-and-so.

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I gotta put them pictures on pictures.

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Yeah. Yeah, you do.

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I gotta put them on.

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Um, which brings me to another point I'll talk about shortly. Um so we go and bam. Reserved for me. Reserved for Brian. Reserved for Brad. And I was like, well, holy shit, this is the royal treatment. Second row in.

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Second row. Half dozen seats off the fucking center line.

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Yeah.

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I mean, I mean, talk about a 40-yard line football game. We're right there.

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And I think what happened was I think Trump called up to the office here in Michigan and said, hey, see these three guys are on the list, make sure they get good seats.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, best seats up there.

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They're they're funny. They're they're great people.

SPEAKER_02

Your whole idea though, trying to get me, trying to bait me into jail, I think. Give that give that Secret Service guy a sticker. See if he'll give it to. Did you see the way the guy was looking? I don't think he was about taking any stickers.

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There's a reason why I didn't try to give him a sticker.

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And you don't want to look at those guys for too long. I think they just soon shoot you than fucking stare at you.

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I think you might be right.

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Uh huh.

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Yeah.

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And did you notice? They were all there all day. But when he came out, it like quadrupled. Holy fuck.

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Yeah, it was uh it was impressive.

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Uh Doug Lloyd, uh, he's running to be uh attorney general this year.

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Yep.

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Um, if you guys are lazy and don't want to watch the news or social media, just uh cast your vote there. Better yet, just hit the whole R at the top.

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Yeah.

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Just take that whole row.

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Um I'll tell you, we spent a fair amount of time talking to Doug Lloyd, which happens to be the county I live in. He is the uh county prosecutor right now, and he is running for attorney general. And I know he's done some great things in our county as a prosecutor, and if you sit and talk to the guy for ten minutes, you have a really good vibe with him.

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Oh yeah. He is He's kind of like we are, yeah.

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He's laid back. He's for the people, he doesn't he doesn't really sugarcoat much, but he also has some empathy. Which is good, and I think that's needed. Um, because that I think is gonna help him make better choices for the people versus what people are telling him from other parts of the just gotta get people to look at him that way.

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Yes, you know it's weird because I didn't hear his name once until we were there and he came over and introduced himself. Yeah, he's a great guy, his son was great.

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Yep.

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Um well, Keith and Tom, they're they're both really good people. Yes. Um and it's funny because I always kind of think that they're just too good for us. But when they were talking to us, fuck I could picture them sitting in my garage having beer.

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I could too.

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You know, they're just like us. Yeah.

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Um which is what we need. We need more people that understand and can get what is best for not just looking at their fucking bank account.

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Right.

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So I think I think with with Doug Lloyd, you have a really good uh opportunity to get somebody in there that's going to do the right job and not get caught up into the uh the funds of it all. Yeah.

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So if you guys happen to see him anywhere, um let him know that because we're trying to get him on the show. A little QA time with the future attorney general. So if you guys happen to see him somewhere, make sure you mention us and say, Hey, you should get on that show. You know, they'd expose you to a lot of people that you haven't seen yet.

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What'd you say we had the other day? Forty thousand.

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40,000 listens. Five weeks in a row.

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Five weeks, yeah. That's that's damn good. That's getting with it.

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Yep, that is. That's it, it is. Um, I can't tell you how tired I am come Thursday morning because I've been up all night clicking on Google and Spotify and Apple to listen to us, but apparently I hit 40,000 the last couple of days.

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Yeah, there you go.

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Josh and Jace, a lot of you guys are familiar with them. I did not know who they were until this week. Um couple seem like pretty cool Brits just traveling our fine state.

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And it's their second time around.

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Yeah, they did it last year or two years ago. Last year. Last year.

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I think over the winter, actually.

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Oh, so they did winter summer.

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So I don't even think they've been, it hasn't even been a full year that they were here last time.

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They seemed fun.

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They look like fun.

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Uh sent them a message. So if you see them too, you know, don't be afraid to mention us. I sent them a message on Instagram. But I uh we'd like to get with them for even 20 minutes before they leave this state. Yeah. Um now, are they just coming to Michigan or did they come and they're like doing Ohio, Michigan, India? Do you know?

SPEAKER_01

I think they just came here. All of a sudden out of nowhere, surprised everybody said, We're in Michigan. And they traveled everywhere in Michigan.

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That's not they did too. They've been everywhere. Yeah. They're like, John Cash. Ha ha ha! Look at that. Wow.

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But yeah, that's uh they're doing a lot of cool shit, exposing a lot of our neat, amazing things that our state offers. Well, we got the world.

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Oh, she's my problem is I don't like the world seeing it because I've said it before. I find me a beach or woods that I like, I don't want a hundred thousand motherfuckers in there.

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Right.

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You know, so it it's double-edged.

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Right.

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It really is. I mean, gives our 7-Eleven a few extra bucks for a oh god, uh Slurpee. Yep, a grape crush Slurpee. Quarter pound big bite with chili and cheese.

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Grape crush?

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Oh yeah.

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Funny you say that. Let me pull this up real quick. Oh, sure. One of our listeners, he uh he's he's very active in the listening and the posting and all that.

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Oh, it's gotta be Stuart.

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Uh Stuart or Sean, whichever he goes by which day it is. Um, I noticed on his Facebook he's been posting in the mornings thoughts from the shitter. And I like it. I I I'm only gonna share one right now with you guys.

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I should start following him.

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But it just it cracks me up. And uh so, for example, one of his thoughts from the shitter was it reads as follows Thoughts from the shitter. Grape soda doesn't taste like grapes, but it does taste like purple. I can't explain that.

SPEAKER_02

I can understand that.

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And I told when he said it, I was like, holy shit, he's right.

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So got your grape crush, your grape Kool-Aid, your grape gum, your purple drink.

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None of it tastes like grape.

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No.

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Like a grape.

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But if a grape tasted like that, a lot more people would eat grapes.

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Yeah, I think you're right.

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Because I love anything grape flavored, but I don't like grape, and I don't like wine.

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So I can't stand watermelon flavored candy or anything artificially watermelon. It does not taste anything like watermelon. I could eat. I could eat water. I love watermelon. Watermelon. But watermelon artificial?

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Gross. They hit the mark way off.

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Banana.

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Oh.

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Same way.

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I'll eat a banana, but anything, but yeah. But not banana cream pie. People like that. No, I'm not a fan of them. Do you like any cream pies? Keep it clean.

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Like giving them. Don't necessarily like eating them.

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You ever tried one? Of them, cream pies. No. Okay.

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No. No. No, I have not.

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Not even accidentally?

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No.

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Okay.

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No. Speaking of cream pies, we get into the studio, and this is only for the viewers, not the listeners. Um open up the computer, and this was under the screen of my laptop. A big yellow cock. A big yellow uh what'd you call that construction paper?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yellow construction paper cut into a penis. Now, I don't know who else has access to the studio other than a couple people. So Brad?

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It was not mine.

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Do you have something you want to tell me?

SPEAKER_02

No, let me see that one. No, that's far too small for me to shadow cut. I mean, why are the balls so big?

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Who's got big balls? I mean, it looks like Homer Simpson's dick.

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Oh, merge. You go back, you get home tonight and Kelly's got blue hair, you know who put that down here.

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No shit. So um, if it wasn't you, then I know who it was.

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It hadn't been your son.

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Yes.

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And that's the problem you get when you just let anybody clean the studio. Right. We got a background check his ass.

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Did you notice I just took your tapper away?

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I did. Yeah, it was uh irritating you apparently.

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He's over here banging on the fucking table, and I'm about ready to lose it.

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Now I know I could save this till the end because she listens to us all the way till the end. Yes, she does. But uh happy birthday, Nettie.

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Happy birthday, Nettie.

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Happy Miss Belated.

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Well, it was on Monday, I think. Right.

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We don't do it on Monday. So if you wanted it on your birthday, then you should have held off till Thursday.

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Yeah, this is your fault, not ours.

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That's right. Yeah, six more. Well, you got a couple leaps in there. Hey. Hey. Not to take away from her birthday, because I I hope it was a good one, Nettie. But uh, did we get rid of the daylight savings time or not? Has that been decided yet?

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No, not yet.

SPEAKER_02

No. What are we waiting at? I should have asked fucking Mike. Uh fuck. Always forget his goddamn name. Uh Rogers?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

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Should have asked him. Hey, Mike, get over here. Yeah.

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Hey, well, he walked right by. He was talking to everybody right around him.

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He seems really cool too.

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Yeah.

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I thought so. I think the thing that shocked me the most when uh oh it was John James or I don't remember. It might have been Tom Barrett when he was talking, but the average first-time home buyer age now is 40 fucking years old.

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That was Tom. Tom Barrett, which is another place to cast a vote. Mm-hmm.

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I'd vote for him. Absolutely. I don't think I can. I think he's he's out of your area. Yep.

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Yep. Just out of your area.

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But he seems he seems like an actual down-to-earth honest guy, too.

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Well, I've actually spent some time talking to him. Outside of any type of campaigning or anything like that, just talking to him. And he is. He's a very, very family-oriented, nice guy.

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I think the key to all this not all of it. But uh I hope somehow Trump pulls it off and gets some term limits in. Because I think, you know, when you get these guys that are, and Trump's 80 or 81, so he's old too. He's an old duffer. When you get these guys that are mid to late 70s and 80s, they're out of touch with what's going on. You know?

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Are they really though? I don't know.

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I don't know.

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Because they've got people that their job is to.

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You're right.

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Yeah. So they are very up on what's going on. And unfortunately, I think there is from both sides, I think there is so much corruption and so much backdoor dealing to get ahead because that's what they do.

SPEAKER_02

You don't want to be left behind. Correct. Um, I do have a question for Keith. And you can reply any way you want. Internet, email, telephone, voicemail, text, I don't care. But uh Doug Lloyd said, What do you think about being on their podcast? And Keith's answer was uh risky. Risky. And I'm not sure what he meant by that. So I I'd just like to clarify what that meant because I don't see anything risky about this. Well except for you if we let you go down a tangent.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know that it's just me on a tangent. We do say a lot of subjective things in the eyes of the general public. General public, yes. So I could see where if you're trying to protect yourself from having a smear ad out against you, oh well, so and so supports these guys, and they want to hang the the transgenders. So they're hate crimes.

SPEAKER_02

They're you know, so but at the same time. Trump was talking about all them things he passed. No transies in women's sports, which is great, which is great, and no mutilating your fucking kid and turning them into a trans woman. Which is also great. Which is also great. So that says to me, anybody that's gonna vote for anybody we saw that day ain't a big fan of trans. Correct. That is correct. So but you don't wanna actually put that out there either. Right. Boy, that's a saucy situation.

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That's why he said it was risky.

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Yeah.

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It wasn't anything against us. You took it personal.

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I didn't take it personal, I just like really risky? But now that I think about it, take a moment.

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Yeah.

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If I was running for public office, I'd be nowhere besides right here saying, ask me anything. You're the people that I'm uh representing? Yep. Or senating, however that goes. What's the senator do? Vote. Representative, that's easy. He represents us.

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Senators vote on different bills that get passed and whatnot. To make a law and a motion. I think.

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God, we should have asked. Yeah. Yeah. So anywho, um I'm thinking we could get Doug Lloyd on here if we could get Tom Barrett on here.

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Well, I'll see what I can do.

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And if we get Josh and Jace on here they're gonna want to be on here.

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Yeah.

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So Josh and Jace Jace. That'd be kind of neat.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. I'd even buy him dinner.

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Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

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Take 'em to Michigan's best eaten here yet. You know.

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Somebody said that they need to get them to the Simply Stacey's bakery right here in downtown Eat Ratchet.

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For a cinnamon roll?

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For one of them giant ass cinnamon rolls that are only five bucks. That's cheap. I have not had one because I've been on a diet.

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How are you doing on that diet?

SPEAKER_01

Uh down to two twenty eight today, lowest of Ben Sunday. That's good. Um had a couple rough days of uh the weekend and whatnot. So weekends will get you. They do, but I'm maintaining and not going back up, so that's the bonus. Um but the Simply Stacey's bakery here in town, they have you know them, the big styrofoam to go's. Oh yeah. Like that you can put a whole meal in. Their cinnamon rolls are that size, and they're five bucks. And everybody that I know that's had one goes ape shit over them.

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Now, what kind of is it uh like a powdered sugar topping or is it that fucking maple? Because I don't like the maple. Well, I think you know that tannish colors.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I think they come in multiple different things with toppings because there's like a raspberry or a strawberry topping on it.

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Like she wore a raspberry burr.

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Yeah. I like Prince. I I do too. I think Prince is awesome. Um has Kelly had one? Yes.

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She said it was great.

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She said it was great. And everybody else that's had them says they're great.

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Well, so maybe we should take a trip down there sometime. You gotta be there in the morning.

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I think they sell out pretty quick.

SPEAKER_02

Well, Stacy, hold on to one. Who?

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Simply Stacy.

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Stacy. Yep. Simply Stacy. Yeah. If you could simply set two of them aside for us to pick up in an afternoon.

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Well, I think we could just share one because they're so big.

SPEAKER_02

Oh. So you're not shit and they really are.

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Yeah, they they fill the whole thing.

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I'm not a cinnamon roll eater, but I'll I'll give it a go. Oh, I don't know.

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If I find a good one, I'll I like a good cinnamon roll. I don't like an average cinnamon roll.

SPEAKER_02

Well, speaking of your weight loss, yeah. My wife comes home because she listens to everybody's podcast but us, and she says, Well, I don't have to listen to you guys on the the radio because uh I hear it every fucking time I see you guys. And uh so she listens to these other people, and this guy says, I am sick of going to the doctor and being called morbidly obese from the BMI chart, which me and you are both there. Plus some. Yeah, plus a little morbid. And so he said, So what I like to do is you take your height and you break it down into inches. I'm gonna use my numbers here. I'm 6'1, so that's 73 inches. Then you divide that by two. So now I'm down to 36 and a half inches. And then he says, take a cloth tape measure and go around the fattest part of your belly, and if you are below that 36 and a half inches, you are healthy. Well, I'm almost 40 and a half inches. So he's trying to say I gotta lose three and a half, four inches, basically, just to get down to what should be considered healthy.

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That seems ridiculous.

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I think it's a little little much.

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Because I'm 5'10.

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So that you're 70 inches. 70 inches. Break that in half, 35.

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Yep. And I was 47.

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So that's 12 inches.

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I gotta lose 12 inches of this belly to not be morbidly obese.

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You look like fucking Ethiopian. I would. I would look like a crackhead. I think so. So, with that being said, if you guys could do the math on yourself and just respond somewhere. Hey, I'm right on, or whoo, I'm morbidly obese. I don't care what it is. I'm not this isn't a witch hunt to pick on anybody, but I'm curious because I really want to see somebody that fits the numbers.

SPEAKER_01

I think the standards are low.

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Yes.

SPEAKER_01

You know what? When we're done, we're gonna we're gonna check Lucas.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah, there we go.

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Because that kid ain't got an ounce of fat on him, and he's got a six-pack.

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Because I just want a something to gauge it on.

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Yeah.

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You know, like, because you know, you got some of them chicks, and I really don't like these girls. The ones that I could literally two-hand like this and get around their waist. No, go eat a burger.

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Yeah.

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You know, so I know they're below that, but yeah. I'm looking for a healthy looking person that's gonna be.

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I mean, there's something to being said about being healthy and being extremely fit.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

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And being anorexic.

SPEAKER_02

Well, let me ask you this then. Because anymore, you've got uh they should add anorexic to the fucking list, but they've got slim, athletic, average. What is the difference between slim, athletic, average? I don't A quarter of an inch around your fucking gut? I don't know. Because slim and athletic, I'm gonna put you in the same group.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

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You look like you run or walk or average, I'd have to say, is sadly enough, I think we're average.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I'm I'm above average. I and I know that.

SPEAKER_02

You think so? Yes. I do for your age?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I'm I'm I'm a I'm a fat fuck.

SPEAKER_02

I wouldn't say it like that, but girthy. You know, back in my day they called it husky.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I'm pleasantly plump.

SPEAKER_02

Pleasantly plump. Yeah, but I don't want to be, and looking at those guidelines, I don't want to be slim. I don't really want to be athletic. And you know, I we I I don't like these fucking guys either that, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Where which way is the gym?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. That that's not a good look.

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No.

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And when you stop doing all the work to hold that, you look like a sloppy bag of shit.

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Yeah.

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They do. Yeah, they do. You know? Um.

unknown

Oh?

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Somebody asked me the other day if you would rather have uh oh god, I good thing we wrote it down. Would you rather have crumbs in your bed all night long?

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Uh-huh.

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Or walk around all day long with sand in your socks.

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Crumbs. Crumbs in my bed.

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Irritating as fuck, no doubt. But I don't like sand.

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Oh my god, it it's like the nastiest feeling between your toes.

SPEAKER_02

And I love going to the beach, but that sand. And you can't wash this shit off. Nah, it's everywhere. You wash it off at that spray station. Well, you can't, unless. Hey, that's what I'll do next time we go to the beach. Hey, Bob, come over here, pick me up, carry me over there where it's dry. Because you put you got to put your fucking feet down to walk back out of there. And there's so much sand in that area that it just Okay, so I do that. Yep. Then I'll put my shoes on, then I'll come get you.

SPEAKER_01

And then you're gonna get still gonna get sand in your fucking shoes when you walk, it's gonna kick up.

SPEAKER_02

And you're not, oh, that pisses me off, too.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yep, walking down our goddamn. That's why I wish I I had a paved driveway like you, because I walk down our driveway and my hay dudes, and just the little flop I got on the hay dudes kicks that shit off. Yeah. Crumbs in your bed or sand in your socks. I I'd pick crumbs all day.

SPEAKER_01

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02

And then I don't have to get up in the middle of the night to have a snack either.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Oh, fuck. What else new with you? I haven't talked to you all weekend.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I had my first golf lesson on Sunday. And teaching the golf instructor yet or uh no, I'm gonna keep listening and I'll tell you why. Because I've been golfing for years. And I haven't I have an average game, I would say. I'm not great. I have some really great shots, but they're so does John Daly. Yeah. And I'm not terrible because I can actually hit the ball and put it in the direction that I'm going. Sometimes I have good hits, sometimes I have bad hits. I'm an average golfer.

SPEAKER_02

Average Joe per se.

SPEAKER_01

Yes. And um been doing it for years. And my game really doesn't change much. Improve. Good games, bad games, the whole nine yards. And uh so I went to this first golf lesson, and there's four of us in a group, and he's going through each person, checking them, watching their swing, doing this, doing that, and then he goes straight into grip. And I'm gonna tell you right now that all four of us that were in that group all had their grip wrong. My mechanics are pretty pretty decent, my swing's pretty decent, but the grip itself was not what it should be. So I've been golfing this whole time, all these years, holding the club the same way. He fixed my grip, and I have a slice. So slice is me being left-handed, I hit it and it goes out to the left.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So it goes out and away.

SPEAKER_02

So me being right-handed, it would go right.

SPEAKER_01

Your slice would go to the right.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, and what's the other direction called? A hook. Hook.

SPEAKER_01

So changing my grip, it feels completely wrong because it's different. It's not wrong, it's different.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

And changing my grip, I was launching balls. Well, it didn't matter if it was with an iron, a fairway wood, driver, everything I was hitting was going straight.

SPEAKER_02

You noticed the difference.

SPEAKER_01

Noticed the difference. And he worked on a couple other things with your mechanics on backswing and follow-through and all that. And all of my contact was I'm not gonna say it was a hundred percent better, but it was definitely 75% better contact on the ball, hitting more consistently out where I was trying to hit.

SPEAKER_02

Now you know what we should do, and I'll work on a website for this tonight. I'm gonna start Bob and Brad's golf school.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

So you go to school on Sunday, and we offer classes on Monday.

SPEAKER_01

While it's still fresh.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. I like it. And we'll be just a little cheaper than most of the golf instructors. We'll kill it. Yeah. But no, you say grip, and that's funny because well, we did a little shooting before we recorded, and what did you help correct on me? Grip. Grip. It's amazing how much these little dick beaters dictate what you're doing. Yeah. It's it it's pretty fucking neat. And not shit that you don't learn in school. Correct. Um, but it comes down to everything. I mean, the way you drive, everything is.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So we have a golf outing Saturday, Saturday, Saturday for the Eaton Rapids Youth Wrestling Club. It's a big fundraiser that we do every year. And uh we are going there. And if I can carry over my lesson from last Sunday, I think we are gonna have a really good showing at the golf outing.

SPEAKER_02

Top three.

SPEAKER_01

Five. There's a song that Kid Rock sings. Yeah. And I can't remember exactly what song it is, but in there he says handful of 'em. Yep. He says, When I set my sights, I shoot for stars. I don't like small cars or real big women, but somehow I always find myself in them. So I set my sights and I'm Is that just wasting time? Yes. Yeah. And I'm shooting for the stars, so I'm going there to win.

SPEAKER_02

Some hell or high water. That's right. And if you gotta play another nine.

SPEAKER_01

So be it.

SPEAKER_02

So be it. First nine was a starter.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's two nines. Oh, yeah, you are doing eight holes. Yeah, you're doing eighteen holes.

SPEAKER_02

So um hot dogs again?

SPEAKER_01

I imagine.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Bring your own beer still.

SPEAKER_01

Um yeah. Yeah, I think so.

SPEAKER_02

Pick a four by four fence post and shit next to it, or is that just occasional?

SPEAKER_01

That is only when necessary. But that did happen. And it was not good. It was hole number three, in case anybody's wondering. Uh they got a little cutout there that they mow, and there was little old little um I think somebody called it the bathroom turn. So I mean well, that's what I called it. Because I had no no choice, and thank God Kelly had shit paper in her golf bag because uh I needed it. It was bad. That was a few years ago, though. I've grown up. I've grown up since then.

SPEAKER_02

Well, some would say maybe. Um, excuse me. Gary Strong. Yep. Uh we haven't forgotten about you, buddy. We uh summer's busy, you know that. So we we will hook up, we will get you and your entourage on here.

SPEAKER_01

You know, and we were looking at his Facebook and all that last week, and I was like, I know he looks familiar to me. You know, I couldn't place it. So I'm scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Well, he used to be the head chef on the Michigan princess boat.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, the uh Karen Lansing paddle boat thing. Yeah, or you know, not paddle boat. Right. Uh what do they call that boat?

SPEAKER_01

It was like a dinner cruise boat. Yeah, whatever that whatever that big thing is in the back of the spins. And uh so What were you doing on the Michigan Princess? When I worked for the Budweiser distributor, that was one of my stops. And I know now that he was there while I was delivering beer. So I actually have run into him a couple different times delivering the beer there because he was the kitchen manager or head chef, both I guess. And so I had to deliver the beer and he had to be there to allow me to bring it in.

SPEAKER_02

You should grow some hair. Yep. Lose 82 pounds and see if he recognizes you.

SPEAKER_01

The hair ain't coming back. And 82 pounds is a lot.

SPEAKER_02

It is a lot, so but you'd be under the 33 inches, so I probably would then.

SPEAKER_01

It looks sickly.

SPEAKER_02

So is he still a chef?

SPEAKER_01

Uh, I don't know what it I I think so, but I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02

You got a lot to talk about.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Got a lot to talk about with a lot of people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Josh and Jace.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, Josh.

SPEAKER_01

Doug Lloyd, Tom Barrett, Gary Strong.

SPEAKER_02

List is endless.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oddly enough, if we were Josh and Jace, I bet they'd all come and talk to us.

SPEAKER_01

Probably. I'm sure. Which is weird. You know what else? Last week after the show we got talking about after we were off the air. Something got brought up about um little people.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, little midgets?

SPEAKER_01

Little people.

SPEAKER_02

But the same little people. You can't, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. You can't refer to them as midgets any longer.

SPEAKER_02

Dwarfs?

SPEAKER_01

I don't think that's appropriate.

SPEAKER_02

Snow White and the seven little people. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Anywho. So something got brought up about little people, and you alluded to a story. And when I got beat up by the little people. Something about. Did you ever hear about the time I got my ass whooped by a midget? Yeah, we were so I'm I'm I would like the people to hear.

SPEAKER_02

We were in the bar. And back then we called them midgets.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So tell the story like it's like you're in the moment.

SPEAKER_02

And they they knew they were midgets then. Oh. Don't leave them hanging. Fuck, okay. I gotta get into my story here. So, anywho, we're at the bar. And this little person, fuck face piece of shit, and I hope he's listening to us because he'll know who he is. I'm sure he will. Can I long story short it? You can do whatever you want. Well, anywho, so I think he was an ass. And I may or may not have made a comment. And people that know me, they're gonna side with no, I Brad Brad wouldn't say anything like that. Okay. People that don't know me as well as you.

unknown

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

That's fair. Yeah. And uh, anywho, this little fucker comes up to you. What are you gonna do if a little guy comes up to you? You can't hit him because it's like beating on a little kid. Correct. Right? Yes. You cannot do that. But you cannot allow him to beat on you. Easy. Stick your hand all the time. Stay married. Yeah. But you how would you handle it? How would you handle it? If a fucking magic. I don't know, because I don't know what happened because you haven't given the fucking story. And wanted to start shit with you. What are you gonna do to the little fucker?

SPEAKER_01

I think we're missing something.

SPEAKER_02

What are we missing?

SPEAKER_01

Why did he want to fight with you? People can't make an educated guess if you don't give them the details.

SPEAKER_02

Okay, so there's a couple different reasons he may have wanted to.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

He had a it was little people. And who has never wanted to pick up a little person? And at that point. You know what I mean. I don't know how to put it in words. Please do tell them up and you just set them on. I would love to do a little person. Just a little person girl. So you tried having sex with No, I made a comment about You tried having sex with a midget man. No, I that's what I'm getting out of it. I made a comment about doing a midget. Not necessarily a midget man.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

But that wasn't off the table. No, I mean there's a hole and you're small. But anywho, I I said a lot of things that got us got him violently mad. Angered, some would say. And when he comes after you, you just I could tell this story so much better. I just can't now. I'm just I I can't.

SPEAKER_01

And for the record, yes. I would love to show it to do a midgen.

SPEAKER_02

I could do a much better job on this, but I'm off my pace a little bit. And I kind of feel like an asshole. But yes, wouldn't it be fun to do a midgin?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it'd be kind of neat.

SPEAKER_02

You just slide them like a fucking fleshlight. And we've all been there where, well, the one you're doing or one in the past, you hit the end of her. You know, yeah, you bottomed out. Yeah. A midget, it's gotta be every every slide. And then I just think about laying on your back and setting her on there, you know, parking her on it, uh-huh, and then just letting her run in a circle.

SPEAKER_01

Um so do you think maybe this might be why Keith said it would be risky?

SPEAKER_02

I don't think it's risky because I think nine out of ten guys would love to get with a midget.

SPEAKER_01

I think you're right.

SPEAKER_02

And if I was running for office, I bet I'd get some midget love. Pick me, pick me. Now I'm talking to the special kind of midget. The one that looks normal.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I don't like the midgets that have alligator arms or the big fucking four.

SPEAKER_01

Head you know yeah yeah it's gotta be a good looking midget.

SPEAKER_02

I I I like for her arms to be the size ours are. I put my arms down, I can touch my knee. Yeah, I don't want her barely being able to touch her hip because that's goofy.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

You know disfigured per se.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Um I did work on a midget house once too.

SPEAKER_01

You did?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I had to put in a new kitchen for 'em and cabinets and stuff, and it was funny because it was like you're in a Fisher Price house. Everything was built so short for mom and dad. Well, mom and dad were short, but they had three kids and they were giants. Right. Now I don't know much about midgetology if if it's a hereditary, a genetic thing, but you would think midgets could not have a normal-sized person. They can. Yeah, I learned that. But which is kind of neat. Kind of like a sadistic redhead. You get two redheads together, they can have a dark-haired kid.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Who knew? Well. I'd just as soon, yeah, stay away from the midget fighting story.

SPEAKER_01

I have a uh yellow lab and a chocolate lab.

SPEAKER_02

What color were their parents?

SPEAKER_01

Both were black labs.

SPEAKER_02

Really?

SPEAKER_01

Yep. And there was two silver labs that were in that litter, and a couple other blacks and another yellow, I think.

SPEAKER_02

So dogs are way more advanced than they had all the different uh Okay. Julie, this is not racist at all, so please don't take it that way. But if you have a white and a black couple and they had triplets, could they have a black baby and then two whites or two blacks and a white?

SPEAKER_01

I have no idea, but I don't think so. Okay, so and I don't know why. I don't I don't know how that I don't know what differentiates all that. I'm not uh I'm not that smart.

SPEAKER_02

We should check that out somehow. Because I'm curious, because dogs, like you said, two black dogs had a yellow, a black, a couple silvers.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

I wonder if that's ever happened with people.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know what causes or dictates any of that.

SPEAKER_02

I knew a couple years ago that we're both white and they had a black baby.

SPEAKER_01

No, they didn't.

SPEAKER_02

He swears to god. She did. Yeah, she didn't. They didn't. He swears to God. Oh yeah. I did a DNA test and everything. You lying sack of shit. You did not. They didn't. She did. They did not. So I I wouldn't that be neat, though. You're a black and white or an Asian and white couple, and you have like a whole mixed litter. That would be kind of cool.

SPEAKER_01

I bet it'd raise some questions.

SPEAKER_02

What would you do if you had twins? I'd hang myself. Triplets would be worse.

SPEAKER_01

My grandfather was a twin.

SPEAKER_02

Did you know his twin?

SPEAKER_01

No, he passed away either as I was real young to where I wouldn't have remembered him. I think I was I think I was born, but I think he passed away.

SPEAKER_02

Too young.

SPEAKER_01

Too young for me to ever ever know who he was. Um did you ever want to be a twin? I think it'd be I think it would have its perks. I think you could have some fun with it, especially if you're identical twins.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, the identicals is what I'd want to be.

SPEAKER_01

But no, I don't I don't I don't know. I'm not not sure how I would feel if I had twins. I mean, well you'd love them because they're not.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah, because they're yours.

SPEAKER_01

But I don't I mean I don't know that it would be.

SPEAKER_02

Well who the fuck ever wrote that rule?

SPEAKER_01

What?

SPEAKER_02

You gotta love them, they're your kids. There's been times where it's like thank God they told me in that fucking your expectant father book that I'm gonna love you because right now I'd hate you otherwise. You read a book? No. No shit, no. I winged it through my life just like everything else I do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and look how successful we are. I mean we got 12 followers.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, don't say loud bear? Yeah, don't say that too loud. We don't want Josh and Jace to hear that's all we got. They they're like, fuck, we were just at the bar and they got 30 followers, dude. No, I think uh I think what our show's missing is pizzazz.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

We need some pizzazz. Uh we need to get out there more often. We gotta we gotta take this fucking computer, the cords, and these two and hit the open road. We do. We gotta start. And we we don't have to do a 10 or hour or whatever. We don't have to do it all in one shot.

SPEAKER_01

Right. You wanna know what help us do that?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, money.

SPEAKER_01

If these motherfuckers list them and give them 33 cents a day.

SPEAKER_02

That would help immensely.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Cause I think that'd be fun. Like we'd set up shop, uh, I don't know, pick a bar, top of four seasons.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And uh just go to town.

SPEAKER_01

And then we could buy a yacht with a flag saying chillin' the most.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Pump that bitch up and down the coast. Give it close to the sun. Speaking of that, up and down the coast. We went to Belle Isle. Yeah, how was it? Actually, you got you should take a trip. I've never been. It's kinda neat and a whole lot of nothing to do all in one ball of wax. All right. I can get behind that. Yeah, it was it was a good time. And uh I can't say uh, you know, God, when we were on the coast thing, I can't say why right now, but uh I can say thank you, Dan and Jennifer, for finally getting us a date set. Yes, yes, that's all I can say right now.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

But uh we we appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01

Reason why we can't disclose is because it's for a surprise.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

For somebody. And uh and when it happens, it'll be obvious who the surprise is for and why why.

SPEAKER_02

And we'll repay them with uh anytime you got an extra weekend, you let us know. And uh, Dan, you can jump on the back of Bob's bike and Jennifer, I'll take you and we'll we'll hit the open road. Yeah. We'll payback.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'll take Dan.

SPEAKER_02

Dan's tall enough. I think he can put his feet down so you can keep your feet on the pegs to be a little bit more than a little bit. That would be amazing.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Wouldn't that be nice? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, when we're coming to a stop, put your feet down. Because he's he's plenty tall.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So um that's gonna be fun. I'm excited for that.

SPEAKER_02

That that will be fun, so just cross your fingers for good weather. Yes. Yep. I I'm hoping for like some 34-foot rollers.

SPEAKER_01

No. No. Because my fat ass is gonna go overboard and I can't swim.

SPEAKER_02

Well, I don't. I ain't gonna be able to save you because I'll probably be so goddamn seasick I don't know what to do. You know. You get seasick? I don't know. I never have before. There's a lot of things I've never done before. So I I'm I don't know. I'm gonna bring one of them bracelets, though.

SPEAKER_01

I do not.

SPEAKER_02

No? Nope. Um, the only time I got seasick was that time when you took me for a ride in the dark on the razor.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But I don't know if that was seasick or if that because that's when I was getting into my blood pressure pills. Yeah. You know, so I I don't know what that what caused that.

SPEAKER_01

And it couldn't have couldn't have been the no, couldn't have been that.

SPEAKER_02

That was fun, though. Who was in there with us? Uh they called him a name. Uh he's married to that hot blonde chick, and they moved down south to South Carolina or some shit. They the dude worked with uh Trisha and Kelly. Um, I forget his name. Not Caesar.

SPEAKER_01

No. No. Uh I know who you're talking about. I can't think of his name.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Yeah. Was he in there? Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole reason we he they came over and he wanted to go for a ride and never been. Then you just bouncing the ass off that razor off of trees going around the fucking. I did do that. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But we went through there in a hurry, didn't we? Oh, we got through there in a short second.

SPEAKER_02

But did you die? No, that's that's the thing. Um, how do you feel about the movie Super Troopers?

SPEAKER_01

I liked it. It was funny.

SPEAKER_02

I gotta watch part two. Part two? It's not out yet. Because I've never no, that's part three coming.

SPEAKER_01

Oh.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I better get caught up then because I never watched part two.

SPEAKER_02

We need to have a date night so we can get caught up because my old lady. Yeah, it's a stupid fucking movie. Shut up. Yeah, Hallmark movies of yours I've watched. Yeah. And those are stupid. And the problem with Hallmark movies. I'm gonna tell you. Please do. The problem with Hallmark movies is all these young coming of age girls are watching the Hallmark Christmas movies and stuff. Well, it's paint such a bullshit expectation in their minds. Oh, I'm gonna come home and he's gonna be tall, dark, and handsome, and all he's gonna talk about is how much he loves me and how everything he does is for me.

SPEAKER_01

No. No bitches for your pussy.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. That's it. You shut that off, and let's see how nice he is.

SPEAKER_01

If there was no gash, there is no tall, dark, and handsome man.

SPEAKER_02

No. And show him what it's really like. Jesus Christ, uh Bernice, really? You're home late again? Or Jesus Christ, yeah. You know, I like real life. Uh sometimes I wish real life was a little happier than what real life really is. Well consistently. Yeah. You know, everybody has good and bad days.

SPEAKER_01

Life is not a fairy tale.

SPEAKER_02

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um is that a song? No, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_02

You just came up with it.

SPEAKER_01

Well, we can write one.

SPEAKER_02

I like that. Yeah. That's another thing we should do. We should get you a keyboard. Yeah. And then you can do music once in a while. You want me to be a penis? Yeah, you're already kind of a dick.

SPEAKER_01

Well, according to my wife, I'm a Dickless cunt. And she just picked that one up from a new series that we started watching on the Netflix. And if you haven't watched it yet, it's called The Hawk. And it's got Will Farrell in it. He's the Wilker. I don't know that it's Owen Wilson. I think I think she may have misspoke. I can't. I'm not going to say she's wrong. Right. So I want that on the record.

SPEAKER_02

But I'll be goddamn be fucking hell on wheels if I say she's right.

SPEAKER_01

I couldn't place the guy. I knew he looked really familiar. I could not place who he was. In fact, I'm going to look it up right now to see because I'm all over that, bud.

SPEAKER_02

You got it? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. It's Golden Fisk is his name in the show.

SPEAKER_02

The hawk or is it Hawk?

SPEAKER_01

I think it's the hawk. But I could be wrong on that as well. Anyway, it's about Will Farrell being a professional golfer, and it's 10 episodes. Very funny. Very Will Farrell. So if you like him, you'll like it. You'll laugh. It's good stuff. I recommend it. We're four episodes in right now. And I'm enjoying it. I think it's pretty good. What is taking you so long on figuring out what the fuck it is? I'm trying to do it.

SPEAKER_02

This ad just popped up. Said moving is complicated. Your internet shouldn't be. Well get us some real internet. I'll get you the fuck. Reload. Yeah. It's shit. Yeah, you want to go ahead and look up the Yeah, I got it.

SPEAKER_01

Because you're slower than a snail with AIDS.

SPEAKER_02

How slow? Is a snail with AIDS slower than a normal sail? Well, I would think so. It's sickly. Would you rather be a sloth or like a jackrabbit? Something full of energy or something that just chilled out? Say that again? Would you rather be a sloth or like a jackrabbit? Do you want to like or do you want to just kind of like a jackrabbit? Really?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. You wanna know why? Because rabbits fuck like crazy. They do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

They also have a fuck ton of kids.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. So the actor that plays Golden Wilson is Golden.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_02

Luke Wilson.

SPEAKER_01

No, yes. Luke Wilson is the actor. So I don't know if he's related to Owen Wilson.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, they're brothers. Are they? Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Luke is that's why they look familiar, but I didn't think it was Owen Wilson because he didn't have that same voice and he didn't have quite as big of a nose.

SPEAKER_02

My in-law, uh the girl part, mother-in-law.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

They were in Hawaii. And the in-law was at uh a restaurant, and she's got this picture of Owen Wilson. And I said, Oh my god, did you go say hi to him? Oh no, what would I say? You should have started it with hi. Oh my god, that fortune finger. Who's that big old bitch? On the show.

SPEAKER_01

Like a mm curly headed big old grimace. Oh yeah. That's his caddy.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I bet she can carry some clubs.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Yep. Luke Wilson and Owen Wilson are brothers.

SPEAKER_02

You're right on the I think Luke's uh older.

SPEAKER_01

Could be. Anyway, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah and Chuck.

SPEAKER_01

No, I don't care.

SPEAKER_02

Really? You don't care? So if we met them, I'm involved in your Oh anywho. Yeah, it was a short story. All my stories tend to be short. Um Yeah, they saw him at a restaurant, took a picture of him from like across the room, but never went over there and said hi.

SPEAKER_01

But at the same time, I can respect that because they're people just like we are.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, but I would have waited by the exit until he left at least and said hey.

SPEAKER_01

I'd have said hey before then, hoping he'd pay my tax.

SPEAKER_02

Dude, you wouldn't believe it, but I don't work in Hollywood and I can't afford this place. Right.

SPEAKER_01

I didn't know it was this expensive.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, oh God, have you ever done that? Gonna take the lady out, whether it's been lately or fucking 15 years ago. But you guys ever go somewhere to eat and your forehead kind of starts beating up with sweat a little bit when you open the menu and you're like, oh fuck. You ever been there? No, I don't think so. No? Oh god. Yeah, she ordered number seven the other night, and I was like, fuck.

SPEAKER_01

And you want a large size? No, we ain't doing this. It's an extra 39 cents. Um last week, not quite this early in the show.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Probably about, I don't know, five, six minutes from now.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Do you recall not the greatest reindeer of them all?

SPEAKER_02

That's Rudolph.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I was talking about one of our top listeners. Actually, I you know what? I think she's I think she's the top listener. Because I know Oh, girl on the way to work. I know for a fact that she has listened to every single episode. Yeah. And we appreciate that so much. Um, and I said she listens to us on her way to and from work. And she got to that part coming from, right? Correct. Because I said, well, at this point in the show, she's on her way home from work. I got a text from Kelly that said I can't remember word for word, and I'm not going to scroll that far back to find it, but OMG. I am on my way home from work right now. Thanks for the shout out. But I knew, because I pay attention to our listeners as much as I can. And she was, in fact, on her way home from work, and she'll be on her way home from work when she hears this part of the show. Which is kind of funny. Yep. So, Andrea, thanks for always listening and giving us a chance. Um, but we haven't received your 33 cents a day.

SPEAKER_02

No, we haven't. Tell Terry You want to check with his show is better than Brad's.

SPEAKER_01

We already know.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

From you call it credible sources.

SPEAKER_02

But you've never been. I'd never been his either. Then what makes you think it's so goddamn spectacular? Uh they could be lying to you.

SPEAKER_01

I've heard it through the grapevine.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, I've heard a lot of things through the grapevine, but I ain't Marvin Gay and I ain't getting rich off the shit, so I ain't just about to lose your mind. Have you ever heard the Kelly song?

SPEAKER_01

The Kelly song?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

From Cheers. Nah. Cheers was a little bit before my time.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I was still watching cartoons when Cheers was out.

SPEAKER_02

You'll have to look it up because you could turn that on tonight when you slide into bed.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02

Mind blown in the next ten minutes.

SPEAKER_01

Have you ever heard the O'Sheila song?

SPEAKER_02

Oh, Sheila.

SPEAKER_01

By Ready for the World? No. Oh, Sheila. Oh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Love you till the morning comes.

SPEAKER_02

Tito listens to that every now and then when she gets liquored up on the way home.

SPEAKER_01

We covered this many, many, many episodes ago.

SPEAKER_02

She listens to that a lot, and I don't like it. You like that song?

SPEAKER_01

They were a one-hit wonder. Ready for the world. They're from Flint. Oh, they are? Yeah. And my aunt, Kathy, was married to one of the guys in the on in that group, and the lead singer was that guy's brother.

SPEAKER_02

What happened to their marriage? Did he go out and get a I don't know. Sheila?

unknown

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

Maybe. That would have been a neater story.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. But yeah, they were they were just a one-hit wonder band from Flint, but they everybody knows that song.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I I'm not a fan. Uh there used to be a bar in Flint that had a lot of concerts.

SPEAKER_01

The machine shop.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Is that still open? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Do they still do concerts? Yeah, they do. Do they? Yep. Why don't we ever go there?

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. Ryan was there about a month or so ago.

SPEAKER_02

There's a lot of hard the I don't either.

SPEAKER_01

Um a lot of it's that.

SPEAKER_02

What is that coming up? I think it's in Grand Rapids. Uh it's a two-day thing, and uh that's what it is. It's a whole bunch of just screaming like they got fucking belly aches.

SPEAKER_01

I'm not sure how anybody can get into that.

SPEAKER_02

I don't either. I really don't. It's just yelling, settle down.

SPEAKER_01

Eat my pussy, eating the ass, blah, blah, blah. Mow the grass. Yeah, no, I'm not.

SPEAKER_02

That's like a mix of death metal and fucking rapping. You might be onto something there.

SPEAKER_01

That was a mix between Megadeth and Eminem.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Fucking Megadeath. Um, yeah, I don't know, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Speaking of concerts.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

In our state. We never really talked about this, I don't think. But they had the electric forest.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, dropping that fucking baby in the toilet.

SPEAKER_01

No good piece of shit, motherfucker. And I would say I hope you're listening so you can hear this, but I hope you're not listening. We don't need people to listen. Because you're a fucking piece of trash. Had a fucking baby and left it in a dead in a portageon.

SPEAKER_02

Did you see a guy I think it's from Grand Rapids? He actually put up the money to bury that fetus. I did.

SPEAKER_01

Which is pretty cool. That's very upstanding, and I and I respect the hell out of that.

SPEAKER_02

Good job, dude. But today. What a piece of shit. DNA and me, 23 in me, all that shit.

SPEAKER_01

You guys can't track out who that belongs to. I thought I saw an article that said they figured out who it was.

SPEAKER_02

Did they? Yeah. I hope they fry the bitch. Yeah. And the fucking no good something that blew a wad in her.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. That is just so sickening and so depressing.

SPEAKER_02

You want to talk about things that are sickening. I'm listening. You see that motherfucker in Grand Haven? Yeah. Shot his wife and what, five kids or six kids? Yeah, and one of them wasn't even his.

SPEAKER_01

It was kid's friend.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And then fucking lights the house and fire in multiple places.

SPEAKER_01

Dude, I'm not a all because she caught him cheating.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And she had a big Instagram thing where she was on a group talking about fuckers cheating and stuff. Oh, this is done. I think I need to finally get out. You know, go kill yourself, dude. I'm not a big proponent of that, but you don't take out a whole fucking family.

SPEAKER_01

No, that they didn't do anything wrong. No. They did not deserve that.

SPEAKER_02

What a piece of shit.

SPEAKER_01

Um. Yeah, that uh that's that's people are fucked up.

SPEAKER_02

They are. Yeah. There's a lot of fucked up people.

SPEAKER_01

If the world was more like Bob and Brad, it would be so much more a pleasant place to live.

SPEAKER_02

It would be a simple living.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yep. Fuck you. You. And then we just go about our business. Yeah. Exactly. Um I saw somewhere too. Uh God, they're just a whole fucking mess of shit. Um, a couple 13-year-olds shot each other at a fucking uh park up north. I think it was by West Branch, maybe the other side of the street. Oh, yeah, I saw that. See that too, yeah. You know, first off, how the fuck did they get a gun? You should get your ass fried. Yes. Yep. Yes. You're the gun owner. Your kid got it. No weeping willow on you. You go to fucking prison. Yep. Lock him up. Yep. Lock him up. And two, watch your fucking kids. A 13-year-old don't need to be in a goddamn park at two in the fucking morning. No. No. But that's the way society is now. No.

SPEAKER_01

That motherfucker should have had a razor strap plastered to his ass. Goddamn right. Bam, bam.

SPEAKER_02

Buckle end. Yeah. If he's a slow learner. Right.

unknown

Fuck.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yeah. And you know, then you start reading comments and all this shit, and the amount of people that agree. Oh, they didn't do nothing wrong. Yes, they did. He was a good boy. Oh, and while we're talking about it.

SPEAKER_01

I wasn't.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, God. I gotta tread carefully here because I live not too far from the county. But uh one of our sheriffs in a county that's kind of right in here in Michigan.

SPEAKER_01

That's a big area.

SPEAKER_02

Uh lost his gun. Had it in his car, and uh it was stolen out of his car. But my car was locked. Oh, was a window broke?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_02

Locked Jimmy'd? No.

SPEAKER_01

Then your car wasn't locked.

SPEAKER_02

Then your car wasn't locked. Uh they'll lie to the people. They were gonna hit him on the safe storage fucking act or whatever the fuck it's called. And they ended up having the neighboring county investigate it, and oh, he was cleared, which is whatever. It went through court. But for one, if you're in trouble in one county, your county should not pick the county you're gonna go to. The state police should come in and do it.

SPEAKER_01

Correct.

SPEAKER_02

And secondly, you uh I'm surprised they didn't. You leave your fucking gun in your console and you run into uh tailgators to look at the span ducks. Oh yeah. No shortage of that. And then you come out, would it take you five days to realize that that gun's missing? Absolutely not. Because you're not your responsible.

SPEAKER_01

No. In fact, call me paranoid if you want.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But when I'm traveling in and out of places, and I got a busy day and all that, and if I'm not carrying my pistol on my person, it's in my council in my truck. Don't get no ideas, motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_02

No. They'll shoot you.

SPEAKER_01

Um I get out of my truck, make sure it's locked.

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

Go into the store, do what I gotta do, come back out. First thing I do is look.

SPEAKER_02

Make sure it's still there.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Because I don't want any time lapse of any issues.

SPEAKER_02

You know, so okay. It's missing.

SPEAKER_01

Yep.

SPEAKER_02

They find uh three or four cities away in the hands of a miner. Do you think you're just gonna walk away and say, oh shit? No, you're fucked. That's the problem I got.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you're fucked.

SPEAKER_02

You know, and I'm not attacking this guy. Or and if it sounds like I am, I don't mean to. People people fuck up.

unknown

Yes.

SPEAKER_02

We all make mistakes. Yes. I just wish that it would have been. Just just admit you meant you fucked up. Yes. Because there's no other way that you can explain that away.

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_02

So just just admit it and hey, we'll get we'll get through it. But uh say, oh, blah, blah, blah. Well, bullshit.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

You know. That happened to me, I'd probably likely put my elbow through my window and say, yeah, somebody broke in here. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01

You shouldn't say that.

SPEAKER_02

No, because now when it happens, they're gonna go back and say, God damn, I remember listening to this.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, but they're gonna have to listen to 41 fucking episodes to get there.

SPEAKER_02

Well, hey, we still got a lot of a lot of downloads every episode.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. No, I th I think we're doing really well. Um, we're coming up close to our one-year anniversary.

SPEAKER_02

Uh, four weeks. Yeah. Well, three weeks.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Holy shit.

SPEAKER_02

We're gonna have to get a cake.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, and if any of you uh, because you know, you guys all live in 2026 like we do. Bills are getting expensive, everything's going high. This is not me begging for money, but if any of you got a good looking uh girlfriend wife that would like to jump out of the cake, let us know.

SPEAKER_01

We can wheel that bitch right on through. Yeah, that's right. The cake, not the woman.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, yeah. If we gotta wheel her through, we're probably not interested.

SPEAKER_01

Well, I said the bitch. Bring the bitch right on through. The cake. Oh. Not the contents.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Don't want nobody thinking I called him a bitch.

SPEAKER_02

No. So, yeah, in lieu of 33 cents a day, you can donate your itch.

SPEAKER_01

But it can't be naked because that goes against the city.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it can be naked, and I can put little squares on there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, naked. It's perfectly fine. Yeah. Yeah, we'll we'll edit that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Um, because uh it's a big deal to us.

SPEAKER_02

It is.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Made it a year, ain't burned out.

SPEAKER_01

No, I actually I think I'm having more fun every episode.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, you know, and I always wonder like, are people getting tired of things? But nobody ever comments, they are.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

So unless you do, we you gotta assume everything's okie dokey.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And uh if you're still listening this far in, which you all better be. Um don't forget to go to our social medias, whether it's TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. Um make sure you're hitting the likes and the follows and the subscribes and the whatever else there is to click on.

SPEAKER_02

I see a lot of you motherfuckers every day saying happy birthday to somebody.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

In that amount of time, what's one more click? Right. Let's see what these dumb fucks are doing. One more click. Good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

No, we can't afford a fucking soundboard.

SPEAKER_02

Um, yeah, so it'd mean a lot to us because you know, we don't want to pack up the bags and the kids and the grandkids and everything we love in life and move over the pond to Britain so we can get our popularity over there because Josh and Jace, they're killing it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You know, here we are in the greatest country in the world.

SPEAKER_01

And you know, speaking of doing different things to to get the views, I took a fucking bullet for this.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, I was just gonna say that. We shot your ass.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Literally. Is that healed up yet? No. Oh, shit. In fact, it's not healed up. And earlier today, I have a problem with picking scabs. Oh no. And it finally has scabbed over.

SPEAKER_02

And you picked it.

SPEAKER_01

And I just barely picked that, and that motherfucker was gushing more blood than you could shake a stick. No shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

My sister, babysat, for this family, and uh, I forget their names, and that probably doesn't really need to be exposed.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_02

But uh the kid would have a scab, mom would come over there, pick his scabs, and she'd eat them. Ugh. The fuck. I bet that kid is fucked up and he's in goddamn psychotherapy by now.

SPEAKER_01

That's probably one of the same kids that was on the tit for till they were four years old. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02

Breastfeeding. That's fucked up too. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, good on the kid, but bad on the parents.

SPEAKER_02

Well, yes, no. Incest is the best. Put your cousin to the test. I think that's how that goes.

SPEAKER_01

Closer to kin the deeper in.

SPEAKER_02

That's fucked up.

SPEAKER_01

Why do we always come up with such sick and twisted shit this late in the episode?

SPEAKER_02

Because no we know nobody's listening, so nobody will complain.

SPEAKER_01

You know, and it's funny too, for those of you who have stuck it out this far. Um, we have had over the last five episodes, we have had zero notes. Like maybe one here and there. Everything has been winged. Oh, yeah. Nothing is edited, nothing is changed. Can you tell? I hit record and we talk and we wing 99% of these shows.

SPEAKER_02

I hate to pick on Josh and Jay's. Yep. But do you think like all their little videos and everything are all edited? I'm sure they are. Oh, I'm sure. So there's there's very we're what they call organic.

SPEAKER_01

We're what they call the one percenters. Oh, yeah. We don't change shit. What you see is what you get, what you hear is what we say, and we don't cut anything out. We don't use any special programming to filter out the pauses. You know what we should do?

SPEAKER_02

We should get some vests, leather ones that say one percenters on it. And then when we get our asses beat next week, we'll have a lot to talk about.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, with black eyes.

SPEAKER_02

Coming at you live from Sparrow. Maine.

SPEAKER_01

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_02

Fuck me.

SPEAKER_01

On that note, I don't have a whole lot more to have.

SPEAKER_02

I didn't have nothing to start with, so yeah, it'd be a good time to for an hour and sixteen minutes into her. Let's hang her up. We'll call it a short one.

SPEAKER_01

All right. So, as always, stay positive, test negative, and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye bye.