Q&A (Part 1)

Your questions on all things faith and femininity, answered. This episode discusses topics such as:

- how to embrace sensuality and honor God

- are dating apps okay to use?

- how to enjoy beauty and femininity without it turning into being vain

- how to enjoy a season of singleness

... and more

Part 2 to this Q&A will be out next week

Also, here's that YouTube video I mentioned that was SO powerful on God's hand in marriage: https://youtu.be/jDoIawG28tY?si=vFKbFiuzdq21zveR

Have a beautiful and blessed week!

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, hello, my beautiful ladies. Welcome into the Fruitful Feminine. I'm really excited to have you today because we're doing a QA. We haven't done one of these in a few months. And the questions that you sent me, I love them. I so badly want to answer all of them right now. But I'm definitely going to break this up into a part one and part two. So this will be part one. Feel free if you missed that poll that I did on Instagram. You can go ahead and comment any question that you have that you want me to answer, and I will bring those back for next week. Today, the focus, I took a look at all of the questions that I got, and a huge majority of them were around dating and relationships. And so that's going to be more of the focus for this QA. There's going to be other ones, of course, but today we're talking about things like dating apps, sex before marriage, what do we think, um, sexuality, femininity, how to still embrace these, but also still honor your body and honor God. And yeah, let's get straight into the episode. If this is your first one, welcome. I'm Alexis. I'm a feminine energy coach and I love Jesus. And so this is the space where I share my faith. And we talk about feminine energy from a Christian lens. You do not have to be Christian to be here. I'm Christian. I'm so happy if you want to explore Christianity. My relationship with Jesus has been the best part of my life. It has topped any solo travel experience, any business milestone, any inner work jump that I've made, and I'm saying this even as an inner work coach. It's so fulfilling and nourishing. And Jesus has saved my life by saving my soul. And so hopefully I can share some of what he has done in my life and how it's impacted me and help you also get to that same point because he has so much love to give, so much healing to give. And the way that he heals and loves us is a way that the world cannot. And our soul is constantly craving this love and this healing. And so, love and relationships, that's a big way that we even try to get that, which is why I'm so happy this is a theme for today. Also, one exciting announcement. If you haven't watched the last couple YouTube videos, I had announced that I'm doing another retreat. So if you've been wanting to come to one of our Globe Girl retreats, we're doing one in October in Costa Rica. And I'm so excited. It's going to be the only one that we're doing this year. So make sure that you update your passport, make sure that you get your spa. I've got a few spots left, and I'll see you in Costa Rica if this is on your heart. So, anyways, let's start off with our first question now. I was looking and scanning my notes and thinking, let's start off with an easy one. You did not give me any easy ones, and I love you for that. So, we're gonna start off with this question. It's kind of a two-part question. Alexis, how do I embrace beauty and femininity without vain and without being prideful? And then a couple more questions that I got were around how to embrace sexuality, sensuality, and feeling magnetic while still honoring your body, still honoring the way that God has designed our sensuality and still honoring God. So we'll come back to that right after we talk about beauty. Okay, beauty. We actually have an episode called Beauty and the Bible that I'm going to recommend. The women who asked me this question, I recommend that you go watch that because that would be a great second part to this. What I'm going to say about beauty is the best thing that you can do is to observe how beauty is described in the Bible. How do women cultivate beauty? How do they use their beauty? How do they play with their beauty? Two women that come to my mind are Esther and Ruth. And what I love about both of them is that it shows that in their preparation for marriage and for their husband, beauty and femininity was a really big part of that. And so Esther's story, it's really beautiful because for two years, I think it's two years, she is bathing in these special perfumes and oils and really taking care of her body because she is preparing to be a wife. And not only to be a wife, to be a queen. And so this royal care of her body goes into this royal marriage that she enters and this royal ministry of being a queen and saving her people and having such a powerful position. I want to say that there's nothing wrong with beauty. Where beauty can go wrong, just like anything, money, love, is if our desire for it is stronger than our desire for God. If beauty becomes a higher priority than seeking God, that is where there's a problem because beauty becomes an idol, and God is so clear. He says, Do not have any other idols. He says that he is a jealous God. I love how Deuteronomy 4.24 describes God's love. It says, He is a devouring fire to describe his jealousy for us. He does not want anything to take our focus off of him, our devotion off of him. And sometimes when we are so focused on the external and making ourselves beautiful and uh look so presentable, it's almost a way of controlling our life because we don't trust God. If you are surrendered to God and beauty is more of your hobby, beauty is more of uh your fun thing to do, that is where it's beautiful. If you are so uh confident in your worth and you're you have such a high self-esteem, no matter what you are looking like, if your beauty cannot shake your worth, that is where you have a great relationship with beauty. If your self-worth is based on beauty, that's where there's a problem. And it's so easy. You just have to push God as a higher priority more than you're currently putting beauty. So going back to observing beauty and femininity in the Bible, I think about Ruth, and I really love Ruth's story because Naomi, her mother-in-law, tells her to do something related to beauty that when I read this, I thought, oh, so we should use our beauty as women, especially when it comes to marriage and pursuing marriage. Not that we're chasing it, but that we're open to it, that we're ready, that we're desiring it. And so when Naomi and Ruth are talking, Naomi tells Ruth, go take a bath, put on your best outfit, put on your best perfume, and go and approach Boaz. And that story is wild. She pretty much asks Boaz to marry her. I'm not gonna tell you to do that. Um, but if you read the story, you'll understand why. And she's more asking Boaz to redeem her family. And what that just means is Boaz became, he took the role of taking care of Naomi and Ruth because they were both widowed. And back at that time, the purpose of marriage especially was for covering for women, it was for that man to protect and to provide, still is to this day, uh, but connection wasn't placed as high as a priority as it is today. And so, anyways, if you observe how these women use beauty, what I really, really love, even when Naomi's telling Ruth, go and make yourself your best. Like just feel beautiful, look really beautiful. It also tells me that Ruth was not always prioritizing beauty. Ruth was out in the field, she was working hard, she was honoring Naomi, she was honoring her late husband. And so that tells me that Ruth was not spending every single day taking baths, pouring perfume on herself, wearing her best outfits. I'm all for feeling good and dressing up. But when that is the focus of the day more than being a servant for God, that's when beauty has become imbalanced. And anytime we have an imbalance with a gift God has given us, that gift can quickly turn into a burden and can hurt us. Because then it becomes a crutch when it was never supposed to be a crutch. It was supposed to be a gift. Beauty is beautiful and it's a gift. God has also told me steward beauty well, steward your health well. When I read about stewarding well, I think the best example of this is the parable in Matthew of the three servants with the talents, where the master gives three of his servants different talents, or you could say different amounts of silver. And he tells the servants, um, here I'm giving you this, and then the master leaves. And what happens is two of the servants they take the talents that the master gives and they go out and invest it and make more talents back. One of the servants, though, rooted in fear and anxiety, takes a talent and digs it in the ground. Then when the master comes back, he looks at the first two servants and goes, Well done, my good and faithful servants. What I gave you, you stewarded well, meaning you took it and did something good with it. You took the resource that I gave you. You took the talent that you were born with, the gift that you were given by God, the resources that God gave you. And that master tells his servants, Good job, my good and faithful servants. He tells the one servant who took the talent and dug it into the ground, he goes, You're a wicked and lazy servant. I'm sorry, guys, but I just love this side of this side of Jesus' teaching. Um, because when you take what God's given you and you don't do anything with it, you just sit on it, you dig it into the ground, you don't care for it well, you hide it. That's being disobedient because it's thinking that that gift was all about you, and it's also taking that gift and going, uh, it doesn't matter. There's no purpose in this. There is purpose in your beauty. Your beauty is a reflection of God. Your beauty is a reflection of God's love and God's creation, his artistic touch. Your beauty can draw people, and your beauty is a light. And sometimes that's the only experience that people will ever have of God, is they encounter you, and because you've stewarded your beauty well, you take care of yourself, you you hold yourself well, that may be a great reflection of God and his love just by someone seeing you show up. You have that power as a woman to draw people in through your beauty. And our job as believers is to bring people to the kingdom of God, to bring them closer to God. So your beauty is one way that you can do that. And when I say steward your beauty well, I think of it like almost like eating and with food. When I eat certain foods, like this morning my throat wasn't feeling good. And so I made this apple cider vinegar, ginger, cayenne pepper shot. And when I eat food and I think about consuming food or drinks, I'm thinking, how is this going to serve my body and my mind? How is this going to make me feel? Same thing with beauty. When you are uh maybe washing your face or putting on a perfume, putting on an outfit, how is that going to serve you well? How is that going to serve you long term? The clothes that you're wearing, how um maybe your gym wear, if you decide, I would love to wear the uh sports bra and booty shorts because that makes me feel real really sexy. Yeah, you can definitely wear that if you want. What I also think about too is how do I want to feel long term? Because there is a difference that I have noticed in how I'm treated when I dressed when I dress modestly versus when I don't. There's such a difference in respect and treatment. And also my body is a temple that does not get to be seen by everyone. There's a requirement for access to that. And so this kind of goes in line with our second part here about how to still be magnetic and sensual but also honor God. Um, but one more thing that I wanted to say is when it comes to beauty, how to avoid it leading into vain or pride. Focus on fruits of the spirit more than the external. Realize that that is more beautiful than any um aesthetic treatment you could do, any hair color you could dye your hair to, any outfit that you could wear, any jewelry that you could put on, your fruits of the spirit are louder. And your fruits of the spirit are way more potent. That's why someone can walk into a room and you feel their presence before you even turn your head and see them. You can feel their spirit. And a beautiful spirit will always outshine a beautiful face and a beautiful body. And in fact, a beautiful spirit makes your face and body even more beautiful. I had said this once, how when I was fasting and praying one day, I was outside, and just for the first time I felt like I could actually look at the trees and just notice, oh, these are so beautiful, the birds are so beautiful. Everything just looked so extra beautiful that day in nature. And I'm not really a huge nature person. My mom and I would always talk about how my mom would say, like, how come you just can't go camping? And I would say, that's not for me. Um, but the older I get, the more I'm loving nature. But I told my mom one day, I was like, I will never be one of those crunchy granola tree hugger people. And the older I get, I'm like, I don't know, I'm kind of starting to change my mind about that. But it's because I'm seeing the beauty in nature because I've built a relationship with God where now I see that nature, it's not about uh trees or like living off the land, it is about God created this with his hand, he formed it perfectly. It's his brush stroke, and I see that now, and it makes me love and see the beauty in nature. And I had said why it's so important to be with a man that loves God is because he will see you and love you so much more than a man that doesn't know or love God can. Because when a man knows and loves God, he sees you from a lens of this is God's daughter, this is his perfect creation. And just like I found the tree so much more beautiful when I understood God made this, that is also how men, friends, family members see us when they have that lens of God. Coming back to how to still be magnetic and sensual, how do you navigate sensuality? I think this is the main question. Okay. So I kind of think of this as a human father and daughter dynamic. When you were growing up, if you were living with if you had a dad in the house when you're growing up, think about how you dress different when you're around your dad versus when you're going out with your friends. Anyone ever bring a change of clothes for after their dad dropped them off? You just know, like your soul knows I'm not gonna wear this around my dad. And so I kind of think of that with God. I think that when a woman grows up and she, let's say that she gets married and she's walking down the aisle, her dad knows in the hotel room with her husband that night that his daughter and her husband they're gonna have a fun time that the dad is not too happy about. I almost think it's the same thing with God and us. God knows that we have these desires, He knows that we're going to be having fun with our husbands, and um it's okay. I think there's so much shame around sensuality and fear with can I feel sexual? Like, can I engage in this with my husband? I feel shame. The answer is God created sex and he created it so wonderful and so powerful, and he created it to feel amazing. He created us to feel amazing when we feel this energy running through us, where it starts to turn into something else outside of his design is when we use that sensuality outside of marriage, engaging with a partner who is not our husband. So let's first talk about that. Sex outside of marriage is against God's design, and anything against God's design is not his best. The reason why God tells us do not have sex outside of marriage is because sex is a covenant. And when you sleep with a partner and you exchange that energy inside the safety of marriage, there's a protection, and that energy stays within that boundary, in that protection. When there's no boundary or protection, the exchange happens and your spirit knows that there is a risk that you could be brokenhearted, that you could be uh left, that there's no protection that makes it safe. And so the energy of unsafety begins to leak out, and your body feels this quiet anxiety. It's why there's never peace in sex outside of marriage. The people who say hookup culture is amazing, it feels great, uh, just going home with random men, they're lying. We're gonna get a bit graphic today. If you have little kids around, this is a good time to cover their ears. So when a woman is intimate with someone, when we'll just say when the exchange is happening, she cannot open up. Biologically, her body cannot open up if she does not feel a hundred percent safety with a man. That requires consistent effort. And I believe that it requires marriage, it requires a covenant for that woman to know she will not have to wonder where is this man going. She will not have to wonder if that man will choose her to be his wife. But what the biological research has shown is that a woman cannot open up when she does not feel safe. And hookup culture, there is no way that the people who are saying it feels so good, they don't know what it's like to fully feel good because they have never had the covenant experience before. So the way that God even designed a woman's biology is so intentional. He did not design the pleasure to be outside of his design. It's a temporary pleasure and it's limited. There was another question that I had received about what if we have, what if we're intimate before marriage, but we've been together for four years and we know that we're going to get married. I'm going to answer that one right now. Like I said earlier, anything outside of God's design is outside of God's best. It does not matter the amount of time that you've been together. God does not put in scripture, if you've been together this long, then sex is okay. He says, when you stand in front of your family and friends and me and you make that commitment, our tongue has so much power, so much power, in fact, that God emphasizes through Moses do not make any vows. Just say a simple yes or no when you're going about your regular life. Don't make a vow like, I promise that I'll be home before 5 p.m. today, because your words have so much power. And when you break a vow, you break a covenant to God, and there is a huge spiritual damage that happens. And so that vow, the wedding vows are so important. It's the stepping into a spiritual covenant. You do not have that covenant until the marriage happens. So it doesn't matter the amount of time of years, even though I so understand, Alexis, this is my person. Like we're going to get married, we've been together this amount of times. How am I going to wait four years? Here's what I'll also say: God knew every question that would come up. He knew every obstacle that would come up, and he still chose to tell us, this is how I designed it. I've had clients where they have decided, after being in a relationship for two, three plus years, they have decided, I want to start waiting till marriage inside of that relationship, and they talk to their partner about it. Sometimes the partner is not happy. A lot of times the partner goes, Great, I want to support you. And it can be Hard later on, but the partner respects her decision because she is so firm about it. When you have hesitation in your energy, your partner can feel that. I would recommend getting so clear in your body that you have decided this is what you want to do. You are allowed to change your mind at any time. Let me remind you that. I think a lot of the times as women, we are so scared of not getting picked, not getting chosen, or getting abandoned. But then if you look at how men are, my friend and I were just having this conversation. Men don't sit around and think, oh, well, she's just going through a hard time. Let me give her some grace. She hasn't been taking care of her body and mind as much. Let me just give her some grace. Yes, good godly husbands will do that, but I'm talking about in dating, in casual dating. Men will leave. We must be so firm as women and have such good boundaries to know I'm allowed to change my mind at any time. These are the standards that I have. And I'm not going to change and maneuver my life around what a man wants and making sure that he can pick me. Honoring God first will sometimes remove the people from your life who are not meant to be there. And only by honoring God first will you bring in the people who are actually meant to be in your life. Bring in the version of people who are meant to be in your life. Your standards either set the tone and let people go, or set the tone and call your partner to raise their standards too. I've had clients where they were having sex before marriage. They told their partner, I want to wait, and their partners are still respecting it. And here's what I would also recommend is try fasting and praying. Why I recommend that is because when you can take a whole day to say, I'm going to fill my spirit and I'm going to try breaking my flesh, our flesh is designed to want pleasure right now. It's designed to want things outside of God's will. Because our flesh and our spirit are not the same. Our spirit wants what's inside God's will. When you can fast and pray for a day and you are only drinking water, and every time you're hungry, you're like, nope, I'm dedicating this day to fasting and praying, to telling my flesh, you don't control me, I control you. That will give you a reminder that your mind is so much more powerful than you think, and you can control your flesh. So try fasting and praying too. Um, coming back to that question. So we talked about sensuality inside of a relationship, but what about just sensuality as a woman? Feeling sexy, feeling good in your body. Where do you draw the line between that being okay versus leading into lust or sin? So here's how I think about it. Uh pouring sensuality, if you're feeling an abundance of sensuality, that's not bad. I don't want you to feel like I'm lustful or this is bad. No. Sensuality is great. We have this energy naturally. It's also connected to our health and our vitality. The healthier we are, the more turned on we feel. It's because our life force energy is awake and flowing. And so your job is going to be setting boundaries to protect how that energy is used. The difference between sensuality being good versus sensuality leading into lust is when your sensuality is within the borders and boundaries that God designed, it's great. So here's an example: you're feeling really juicy, really energy, energized. What I would do is something like uh start an art project or pour that into my business, sit down and journal, envision and romanticize my life, like lighting candles, putting on something that makes me feel good, um, cooking a delicious, slow dinner, anything that romanticizes life and slows it down, that always feels so good to pour my sensual energy into. And the thing is, all of that, all of the work that's required to romanticize life, it takes energy. And so you can transmute that energy into things like cooking, creating art, working on your business, journaling, envisioning your life, going for a run, dancing, moving your body. Turn that energy into something that fuels you and feels good and still honors what God says. Where it can lead into lust is where you're feeling really good and you start having thoughts and you start envisioning scenarios, and then you act on those scenarios, or you start uh messaging someone that you're not supposed to message. If what you're feeling leads you to do things that lead to sin, that's where you've got to put up boundaries. Sometimes you may be watching a show or listening to music or doing an activity where you feel like I can't control this sensuality. It's making me want to do something that's going to lead to sin. That's where you've got to put up boundaries and cut out the show. I've had friends say things like, Alexis, I cannot watch Bridgerton, I cannot do this, I cannot do that, because it makes me feel like I can't control my body. And I completely understand that. One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control. The more time that you spend filling up your spirit, time with God, fasting and praying, reading the word, worshiping, going to church, um, watching, like I've been really loving watching podcasts of hearing couples' stories that have recently gotten married. If you know, wait, where was I even going with this? Um, if you know that something that you're watching is going to lead to an outcome you don't want, change what you're watching. Set new boundaries and fill your mind with things that are positive and fill your spirit. So the more filled your spirit is, the more self-control will naturally be a fruit in your life. There was a question: can I still do salsa and belly dancing? Absolutely. However, going back to what I just said, if it makes you feel like you're leading in, like you're being led into sin, don't do it. Pray and ask God. That is the best thing. Better than anything I could ever tell you. Ask God for guidance. Personally, in my life, I just did a salsa dance uh session on Sunday. I love it. I feel so good. I love belly dancing. I just love dancing in general. It makes me feel good in my body. I love moving my body. I think it's such a good way to honor God's temple. I love feeling good. I love holding that charge in my body and just letting it fuel my health, letting it fuel my creativity, letting it fuel my energy. Can I still be fun and flirty? Was another question. Yes. Yes, you can. Just have boundaries with this as well. So you're not flirting with everyone. You're not flirting with men who are married, for example. You're not flirting with every guy on the street, opening up your energy. You're holding yourself with respect because also the way that God designed us is to be pursued. And so if you were flirting with everyone, that's a way of pursuing men. And that's not honoring God because that's not acting in our feminine energy as He's designed us. So letting yourself be pursued. And when you are speaking to someone that you feel it could go somewhere, you feel safe with that man. Practice flirting with him. And what I will also say about this is not in a way that is sensual, but in a way that is innocent and cute and romantic. Like I think a lot of people think Christian couples are so boring, that Christian love is so boring. It does not have to be. You get that's why I love watching these Christian couples and just hearing their stories because you just get to see the cheekiness in the play. And that's something that I really, really want to do as a woman who is a feminine energy coach and a Christian, is teach, especially Christian women or women who have shame around flirting or sensuality how to still feel that that is great and powerful in a way that is safe and protecting you and honoring you. So you just have to be aware of who you are interacting with, what is being said, and what the intention is. If the intention is to lead a man to feel lustful about you, like if you're flirting in a way where you're, I don't know, dancing on a man like it's a strip club, that's not the type of flirting that I think God would want for us. But if you're flirting, like just having playful banter and you're cheeky and you're teasing, that is innocent and fun. If it's just trying to make a man see you lustfully, that's where it can turn into sin. Okay, that was just number one. That's why I said we need a two-part series. So, yes, beauty, femininity, magnetism, sensuality, all of those things are powerful and wonderful. The more time that you spend reading the word of God, the more clarity and wisdom you'll have on how to navigate those. And I hope that my answer could give you some more. Second question. How to be happy being okay, actually, no, we're gonna come back to that. I want to do um a quick one first. Dating apps. Do dating apps get in the way of waiting on God for a husband? This was an excellent, excellent question. This is one of those where my answer may be different from your answer. I think with this one, with dating apps specifically, every single woman needs to ask God, is this for me? Because we will all have different answers here. Here's my current answer. This could change in the future, but this is what I feel currently. Dating apps can create a slippery slope for women to pursue men and for women to be exposed to the wrong men. Why I say this is because dating apps, when you create your profile and set it up and you're kind of just thrown out into the pool of random men, there's something in me that feels like it's marketing to men who have not earned it. I was just having this conversation with a friend and I I was asking her, don't you think that dating apps make it way too easy for men to go on dates? Like it's such low effort for them to swipe, look at your picture, and judge you. And that's another thing. Yes, there's the prompts and everything on dating apps, but most men are basing whether they proceed with you on a picture. That to me doesn't align with scripture, doesn't align with the fruits of the spirit because how can he feel your spirit through the app? And this is also why I say my current answer, because I I do understand that there's a side where the apps could be really, really great. I think that's a small, my small, small majority of women. One of my best friends, her and her husband actually met on Bumble and I went to their wedding, and it was great. Like that's a story where I think it was really, really great for them. I'm just saying for most women, it does them a disservice, makes it too easy for men. They need to put in more work, um, attracts low effort men, and blocks the men from seeing their spirit, and also how can you see a man's spirit? How can you see his fruit? Uh dating apps. So here's my question for you: Do you have peace when you're on the apps? If the answer is no, there you go. If the answer is yes, I've never felt anxious, I've never felt something is a little bit off, keep it up. That might be how you are supposed to meet your person. What I will also say is there still exists ways that God arranges for people to meet without the apps. I think the apps can make it seem like this is the only way I can meet guys, there's no good guys in my hometown. That is not true, and I think the apps are dangerous because they can create that belief. God is still arranging marriages today. He's the best marriage, uh marriage matchmaker to exist. He arranges things in ways that we would never expect. Like I said, these um YouTube videos that I've been seeing, there's a podcast episode called Dear Future Wifey, where you can hear about these couples' love stories. I just love it. I think they're it's so great. Um, I had sent my mom this episode. I was like, mom, you need to watch this. It was this guy, his name is Albanier Eugene. And he had shared the story of how him and his wife met. And it was a 30-minute video. I think it was called the The Heart, the Heart Room or The Heart Podcast, something like that, if you want to search on YouTube. And his story was so beautiful because you can see God's hand arranging everything. And the danger with dating apps is we sacrifice God's hand arranging our marriage and put the control in our own hand. Actually, put the control in our own finger to swipe, swipe. And that subconsciously teaches us we need to take control, don't trust God. And that's where it gets dangerous. If you can separate that idea from dating apps and still use it, then I think it would be great. But if it's if it's not giving you peace and if it's causing you to feel that you have to rely and trust yourself more than you trust God, delete the app. That's not even worth it. God can arrange anything inside of an app, outside of an app, doesn't matter. And one important thing that I'll say is put yourself in places to be accessed by good quality men. So that could look like gyms, church, going for walks, being in grocery stores in high-end neighborhoods. Put yourself in places to be accessed. Networking events. I had shared this story about a year ago where I was at my church and one of my friends comes over to me and she's like, Alexis, uh, there's a woman that wants me to ask if she can talk to you. And I was like, sure, what is this about? And the woman comes over to me and she's just hello, how are you? How long have you been coming to church? How long have you been Christian? I'm like, what is going on? And my friend said that she was trying to scout me for her son, and I thought, that is so sweet. Um, not gonna work right now. And I just realized, God, you are sending people behind the scenes that I can't even see for every part of my life. So there are people that see you that you haven't even seen yet. There are people that God is sending to be in your environment that you have no clue about, who are arranging things for you. That I think beats any dating app. But I also don't want to hate on dating apps. I think they really can be great tools. Um, but number one here is do you have peace? And if not, delete the app. Okay. How to be happy being single, being in deep communion with God. I really love this question. Realizing that your singleness season is temporary, that it's a season. I really love what Myron Golden said. He was talking about how scripture is such a great tool for wisdom because a lot of people ask him that are entrepreneurs, how do I find balance? How do I find balance? I can't run my business and run my life. And he says to them, you're not supposed to be in balance right now. The way that God created seasons is so intentional. In winter, fruit isn't harvesting because it's not in the season to harvest. People are not meant to be outside working super, super hard, using the day the most optimized that they can. God makes the sun set at set at 4 p.m. in most places because he's saying, rest. This is not your season to grind. This is not your season to harvest. And so realizing that God created seasons to tell us, hey, there's going to be different phases in your life where some things are off the table, but other things are on the table. Rest, slowing down, planting, learning, being a student, enjoying everything that you couldn't while you were burnt out in the summer. And the same goes with singleness. But realizing that there is supposed to be a single season, that you are in it, and it is the perfect timing. Realizing that it's going to be temporary, that it's going to change, and that it's useless to try to change it and speed it up yourself. Um, I also want to say this too, that if you've been in a single season for a while and you've been talking to people about it, and they're telling you something like, maybe God's still working on you, or oh, you know, like God's timing. I so understand that that can be frustrating. And I was just telling one of my friends, I'm like, ignore the people who are telling you, what does God want to do with you in this season? Maybe you aren't being obedient to God in certain areas. I'm like, that is terrible, terrible advice. Of course, God does want to be with us and be so close to us in those seasons, but not everything is a sign. Some things are just seasons, and you just get to enjoy the season. Here's another thing I'll say is you will likely grieve your singleness once you are out of it. Um, that's so normal too. I was thinking about something, how when I was just with my siblings a few weeks ago and we were on a trip together, I was thinking about how it never feels like enough time. But when we were growing up, it felt like I had too much time with them. I'm like, I need some space. Mom, can we go to Starbucks just you and me? Because I'm always around my brothers and sister, and they just it felt like we always were fighting and chaotic. And now I miss that so much. I miss always being around them. I miss feeling like I never had alone time. And so I grieve that season that I wanted to get out of so badly. I couldn't see how quick it actually went by. I couldn't imagine as a kid that I would miss that. The fighting and the loudhouse and the chaos. My siblings and I were also talking about how time moves so quick as we get older. And how we were able to just wake up on a Saturday and Sunday as kids and play the Wii all day. And it felt like the longest best day. And now when we try to do that, it feels like all of our to-do lists get pushed back. Um, the errands that we're supposed to run on Saturday, we can't run them, and we have appointments and meetings and time to hang out with friends, but also we have to do laundry. How can we just sit and play the Wii all day like we used to? Time changes, and I grieve that time where time wasn't a big concept for me, where it felt so unlimited. And when you're in a singleness season, that's often how time feels. The house can feel more empty, feels like you have extra time, or sometimes your schedule is so filled because you're trying to avoid feeling that emptiness. But the fact that you get to do whatever you want without considering anyone, you can travel right now if you want to, you can start any new business, you can play with any new identity, you can do anything. And especially before having kids, the freedom of time to just explore different careers and build your life and sit and do things like journal or take a day to fast and pray without considering a husband or kids. It is a gift. And one that you will likely grieve. So I don't want to sit here and say, you must enjoy this, it's so temporary. But I want to just say to give some perspective, enjoy it while it lasts. Because it will be a season. If that is what is God's will. If he has put the desire on your heart to be married, it's most likely his will. If your heart is aligned to his will. And how to make it fulfilling is, I think you should. What's the term everyone's saying on TikTok? Single max. People are using the term like looks maxing, beauty maxing. Pretty much it just means maximizing any category. So I'm gonna say single max your life. Treat your single season almost like it's a ministry. How can you use all this extra freedom and time that you have to serve God and serve his people the best? How can you bring so much excitement and passion to your life? What could you do now that you won't be able to do later? How could you maximize your life to the best? Could you have breakfast for dinner tonight? Because you know you probably won't once you're I mean, I probably will when I have kids, but you probably won't be doing the random things like having dessert before dinner or uh just booking a spontaneous trip, booking a spa day. Like those things just max it out how much you get to enjoy life. In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes, Solomon, the wisest man that's ever lived, he writes about how the best thing we can do is to enjoy life, enjoy the life that God has given us. Our life is not meant to be this heavy burden. Yes, we should work and honor and be disciplined, but we should also enjoy our life. If you're struggling to enjoy life, if you feel guilt around that, or you feel like I'm not doing enough, or I need to be serving more, I need to be more disciplined, read Ecclesiastes. It's really, really going to help you. Okay. Uh, what do you do when you just have so much aura? This question comes from my sister. Shout out to Liv for this question. What do you do when you have so much aura? Pray and ask how God wants you to use it. That's how I'm gonna answer that. Okay. Um, let's see. Let's see. Is profanity acceptable? So, not a dating question, but a quick one that will answer. I was just talking about this with my mom on FaceTime. Swearing and profanity. I'm not someone who swears, and it's not even because I'm Christian, it's just it never felt right in my body. I didn't grow up swearing. Um, I didn't see my mom swear a lot. And so for me, it just felt, I don't know, it just felt like that doesn't make me feel good when I swear. And still to this day it doesn't. And so my mom and I were talking, and she asks, Do you think, or I think I asked her, do you think swearing is a sin? We always have these random conversations, and she goes, I don't know. And this is what I love about the Bible is there's so many things that God doesn't tell us directly. We must use the Bible like a treasure map and figure out what would most likely align with God's response based on everything else he's put in scripture. And so what came to my mind during this conversation is two things. Number one, life and death is in the power of the tongue. Swearing, which one does that align with more? Well, it doesn't really align with life. Life is anything that is giving, building up, creating, used for good. God created life. And so anything that is not aligned with that would be something that is crushing life, something that is destroying what has been created, something that is used for evil or for a negative purpose. And that is exactly what swearing does. Swearing breaks things down. Swearing crushes. We swear when we stub our toe. We swear when someone cuts in front of us in traffic, we swear when we're angry. Notice how all of those emotions right before the swearing happens is something rooted from pain, pride, uh, death, anger. None of those are fruits of the spirit. Those are all weeds of the enemy. And so when I look at what scripture says, and then I take something like swearing, swearing aligns more with death than it does with life. And God says the power of our tongue creates life or it creates death, and we must choose life and choose it to the fullest. Another part here is this I love God so much because the day after my mom and I had this conversation, my daily devotional had this verse. It's Romans 14, 23, and it says, Whatever does not originate and proceed from faith is sin. And I screenshotted it and sent it to my mom. I'm like, swearing is never done out of faith, it's always done out of like this raw, triggered, painful emotion. And that's the opposite of faith. It's fear. And so swearing does not come from faith. And Romans clear clearly tells us whatever does not originate from and proceed from faith is sin. So my answer is swearing acceptable? No. I understand accidents happen, and I also understand swearing looks different for everyone. For me, the answer is no. I was talking to someone who told me they don't like when men swear in front of them. And I said, Yeah, I completely agree. Because would someone show up to dinner with a queen and swear at the table? Absolutely not. If you're invited to dinner with the Queen of England, you're gonna know how to keep the swearing closed. You're going to know how to respect and talk proper. So the same should apply on a date. Alright, anyways, um next question. I think this will be our last one for today. How to know if an abusive ex has changed and wants to pursue things with you properly? First things first with this, I'm extremely, extremely passionate about this. If a man has ever been abusive in the past, the only reason that you would even proceed with him is if the fruits of his life are directly showing that he is seeking God, is directly showing that he has a relationship with God. And I'm gonna also say on top of this, if this is a super honest question you have to ask yourself, is there any chance that you will feel unsafe with him in the future? If the answer is even point one percent, I don't feel 100% safe with him, do not give him another chance. You do not deserve to live a life constantly in this fight or flight state. Is it going to happen again? And I'm sorry, but even as I'm saying this, my answer is never give an abuser another chance. Yes, you can love him from a distance and you can forgive him. As for being in a relationship with him again, my answer is no. I do understand that people change. However, actually, okay, let me break this down a little bit more. Um if a man has been physically abusive, I just don't, I just cannot say, but yeah, I think that it's safe to be in a relationship with him. My rule is if a man has put his hands on you, you need to leave. When you are ready, of course, but you need to leave. Verbal abuse. If a man has called you a name, if a man has verbally abused you, that is a key indicator that it could turn into physical abuse. And based off of what I've studied from psychology and human behavior, people never do things just once. We are creatures of habits and patterns. In cases of emotional abuse, it's kind of the same thing. Um I okay, so I've heard stories of women who have been with men who have been abusive, and they've divorced that man, that man has gone to therapy, he's given his life to Christ, he's been baptized, he's maybe even working in the church. Um, and she gives him another chance, and he's a completely different person. I really, really understand that, and I hear that, and I believe that that is possible because I believe that Jesus can change anyone's hearts. There's so many times in the Bible where God changes hearts. Um, why am I dunno. I just feel this huge, this huge block coming up with this because I just cannot say yes to pursue things or to allow him to pursue things with you again. Um but I will say that God can do anything. I will say that you can still love and forgive abusers from a distance. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, and our brain cannot forget when someone has hurt us, especially physically. And because our brain can't forget that, it's never going to fully feel safe. I don't want to use the word never, but it's going to be difficult to fully feel safe with that man again. And so that is something that I would pray and ask God because my answer may be different from his. But my answer is do not give an abuser another chance. You can love and forgive him from a distance, but there's so many incredible men out there who would never hurt you from the beginning, who would never cause that scar to be in your memory for you to have to live with while still waking up to him every day. And especially an ex. My mom told me this once. She was like, Do you put on dirty underwear? This is when I was thinking about being back with an ex, and my mom told me that. I was like, Okay, mom, I got it. And so, yes, of course, there's relationships where you can get back with your ex and it works great. Uh, but I think God is the God of abundance, and there is no way that there is one person on this earth who is the only one that will love you and understand you and be the man that you want. There are so many men who would make amazing husbands for you, amazing fathers for your children. I also think, too, that if you had a daughter and your abusive ex was coming back and asking for another chance, what would you say? If that was your daughter asking you, should I give my abusive ex another chance? What would you say? Um, so yeah, that's my answer for that. But I I just feel bad. I think why I'm having this block is because I feel bad. I feel like I'm saying men can't change, they can change. I'm just saying you don't have to be the one to test out if they've really changed. And I also think it can be dangerous to do that. So, alright, not to leave us on this heavy note, um, and also I just want to say, ladies, thank you for trusting me with these questions and with these answers. I really, really love you, and I really love the questions that you ask and that you feel safe enough to ask me these questions. I hope that these have helped you. We're gonna come back for part two next week. There's so many other good ones that I really, really want to get to now. Um, but we'll wait till next week. And feel free, if I didn't answer your question today, go ahead and comment it if you're on Spotify or um yeah, I don't really have another place. I'm sorry if you're on Apple Podcasts. I don't think there's a way to add a comment to the episode. Um, but if you're on Spotify and you have a question that you want me to answer, go ahead and put it in the chat. And I love you, ladies, so much. I'm praying for you always, and I really appreciate you being here and sharing your time, sharing your energy with me. So have a beautiful week. Have a blessed week. Let me know if you check out that podcast that I was talking about, Dear Future Wifey, and also the interview with Albanier. I'll see if I can find it on YouTube and link it for you. It was so good when he shared his marriage testimony. So I love you, ladies, and I'll see you next week.