When Life is in Shambles: The Road to Recovery S2E17

Tuesdays; I'm flying solo. And today's topic is something I know deeply: what happens when your life falls apart.

Your relationships are broken. Your finances are a mess. Your health is suffering. You've lost your job. You're living paycheck to paycheck. You're barely holding it together.

Your life is in shambles.

And you're wondering: How do I come back from this? Is recovery even possible?

The answer is yes. And today, I'm talking about the road back.

https://www.youtube.com/@TERRORTOTRIUMPHLIVE

https://www.peltsemporium.com

Transcript

Welcome & Platforms Overview

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I do hope just a second, everybody. Let me eliminate that feedback for you. Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_05 3:56

So testing. Okay, maybe I got it this time. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

Anyway, yeah, we're back. There might be a little bit of feedback. If there's feedback, let me know. Give me a comment in the section. I'll see it on the screen as it as it appears. Whether you're on Facebook or YouTube. YouTube, our YouTube channel is at Tear2Triumph Live. You can go there and look at all our other past live sessions that we've had. We also are podcasting on various platforms. Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Twitch, iHeartRadio, Castro, Castbox, Overcast, Player FM, Deezer, Buzz Sprout, which is our hosting platform site. I should have mentioned that first. But we're on TrueFans, Good Pods. We're on a lot of platforms right now. Listen notes if you are curious. You want to tell your friends to come and check

Why Trauma Education Matters

SPEAKER_02 5:15

us out. We give a lot of good information out to survivors of childhood trauma. And also, not just for trauma survivors, people who are around us can learn from this site, learning how to interact with people who have survived trauma. We can learn about each other's flags and figure out the proper way to address or talk in the conversation what to avoid and what to look for if we are triggering somebody who has suffered trauma. So this platform is good for both sides of the fence. I'll continue to do it on various episodes from now on, and I have in the past, but the statistic from a college did a study that said for every 10 Americans, four to six of them have survived some form or have suffered some form of trauma, childhood trauma, that is, whether it be physical, mental, verbal, or sexual. I call those the four horsemen because they're they're like the apocalypse. The that's for a survivor, that's what it feels like when we go through that trauma. So if you imagine there's 365, 7 million people in America, and out of those, if you take just a portion, a small portion of those, and say 1 million, just to make it an even number, 1 million people, 400 to 600,000 of those people will have suffered some form of childhood trauma.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:07

And the statistic went further to say not just four to six, because those numbers are diminished, meaning that most survivors, trauma survivors, childhood trauma survivors in America do not report the trauma that happens to them. So those numbers are diminished because people do not report. I didn't report my childhood traumas, the beatings, the whippings, the cursings, the mental play, the sexual assault. I never reported none of that.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

So I can just imagine with that statistic can be through the roof. I didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

You know, later on in my life, I didn't realize like 75% of my family to 85% of my family, my immediate family, talking about my siblings, have suffered some form of trauma. I I'm sorry, I have to go further to say, I would say 90%, or one-fifth, or I'm sorry, four-fifths. Childhood abuse is a serious thing in this country, and that's not, I'm not trying to say you shouldn't rear your children. Spankings are okay. You have to have some form of letting your child know this is not right. Even if you tell them this is not right, you have to put down a boundary and let them know, hey, you crossed the line. I told you about this, this is a result. And you have to give

Underreported Abuse & Personal Truths

SPEAKER_02 9:00

them that actionable correction in order to let them know this is what happens when you cross that line. Because as a child, you're gonna push the limits, you're gonna push the envelope, you're gonna try things. Okay, so okay, with that being said, I want to get into a conversation with you guys today. This is something a lot of us could use in our day-to-day. Today's topic is going to be about when your life is in shambles as a survivor. How do you get back to some form of normalcy? I will continue this information. Unless you have something you want to say, you can ask a question and dialogue with me. I will answer all questions and comments. So feel free. This is not a one-sided show. Uh, today is the QA. So I want you guys to feel free to ask me a question. I don't care if it's a personal question. I'm an open book. I want everybody to know everything about me. I'll let myself suffer for that so that somebody can receive the healing that they need. I don't mind being an open book. As a matter of fact, I have a book coming out this year. It's called The Terror in My Eyes. It's about my childhood traumas, and I go into a lot of detail, a lot of honesty about that book. And it's like, I don't tell everything, you know, but I do omit a lot of stuff, but I I want you to keep your heads up. I'll let you know when the book comes out. It's it's being published by a publisher called Hawes and Jenkins, and we've been working on it since September, October, August. Yeah, we've been working on it since August when I formally went into the contract with them. But this book is very dear to my heart because what it does is it gives information, insight to a child's point of view of suffering the trauma. It gives parents the flags the child would present. So you see you can see some of these flags in your own children. You need to question what's going on in their lives, what's happening, who who they've been around, who's been talking to them without your knowledge. Also, the changes in behaviors, so you can see, you know, if your child is an outgoing, funny, laughable child, and all of a sudden they're don't want to talk to nobody, they're hiding in their room all day. These are things that you need to look at. These are things that you need to say to yourself, hey, you know, something's going on with my child. I need to get to the bottom of it. My child wasn't like this. And and you know what? Just don't find out who's accosting

What Shambles Looks Like

SPEAKER_02 12:20

them. Help your child get some help. Because trauma is something that can last with you for a lifetime if you don't go to see a therapist or something. I'm living proof of that. I'm 54 years old. And I just started seeing the therapist last year because I was in denial. And you can be in denial for a long time, telling people, I'm fine, I'm okay, nothing wrong with me. But they'll go through these cycles of self-sabotage and pushing good people away and pushing family away because they're afraid. Their mental capacity to protect them is exuding outward, and it's causing problems in their relationships with family, with their friends. So I'm I'm here to tell you it's a real thing out here in America. More than likely, you know, most people around you may have suffered a lot, and they will never tell you because it's not something somebody just goes into open conversation. Oh, yeah, you know, I suffered trauma. You know, nobody does this. So you can't pick, you can't prod into their lives, you have to listen to what they have to say, okay. If they open up to you, if they feel comfortable enough. So, with that said, I want to get into the meat of this conversation. If there's not going to be any uh comments right now, so until we get some comments, I'm going to get into this dialogue of this conversation. I uh yeah, yeah, I just don't know how uh important it is to be aware of childhood trauma and how it is around us. It's very critical to pay attention to people around us in our lives because we don't know. We don't know, and how we talk could be triggering to them. And then all of a sudden we're wondering why they're having an outburst, why are they crying? You know, something we said probably where we're at, you know, a snail could set them off. The way we put our hand on them or something, touch them, that could all set them off. So we have to be really careful. Not that we tiptoeing on eggshells around people, but we have to be aware. So today is the Tuesday question and answer session. Of course, I'm flying solo. If you hadn't noticed already, a storm is not here. So I know personal experience, what happens when your life falls apart. And I'm my life is not together yet, you know, because being a survivor, a trauma victim, you can't go into a deep depression where you just let things go. You feel like you can't tackle certain situations, and your depression deepens as things pile up. So, yeah, I'm a witness to that. It happened to me, and it's happening still, you know. I'm trying to get a grasp on it now, but at 54 years, okay, of trauma damage, trauma living without seeking help. This is the culmination of that. You know, I'm still dealing with finances, housing, and transportation, all that other stuff. So I'm I'm just keeping it 100 with you guys. You know, it don't get no realer than this. You know, I'm putting myself out there on the line so people can see. Hey, this is what you could get to if you don't go see a therapist, you don't get some help early, or you if you can't find somebody to give you some help early. So without further ado, let's let's get in, let's get into this.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

First, let me see something. Uh yeah, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

You can see I got on my glasses. I'm trying to read, and I can't. If I can't see anything, I can't show can't tell y'all nothing about it. So I got I gotta make sure I can see, okay. Okay, say

Coping, Numbing, And Hopeless Loops

SPEAKER_02 17:00

your relationship is broken, right? Your finances are a mess. That's me. Both of those situations. Your health is suffering. Mm-hmm. Yep. That I've been dealing with that too. You lost your job. I I've dealt with that too. You're living paycheck to paycheck. Um, I'm not really it's like living the paycheck to paycheck would be an upgrade for me right now. So I'm being 100 with you guys. You're barely holding it together. Okay. Your life is in shambles, and you're wondering how do I come back from this? Is recovery even possible at this point, right? Well, the answer is yes. Today, I'm talking about how to take that road back. Well, not back, but making the road going forward and getting your life in track. That's what I want to talk about. You don't want to go backwards, okay. So, first lesson knowledge, what shambles looks like. Okay, your life is in shambles when your relationships are fractured or broken, your finances are unstable or are in crisis, which is my situation, your health is suffering, physical, mental, emotional, all of that. I got that going on. You've lost your job or can't keep one. I've always been a hard worker, but keeping a job at this point in my life has not been a very easy one, or getting one hasn't been easy. My age is a factor, my health is a factor. So, yeah, you're isolated. Oh, and my background is a is a factor too, because I've also been incarcerated in my life too, and that fact fact that I have a felony on my record, that makes it extremely difficult to get a job with all those three elements, yeah. So you're isolated and alone. That's most survivors right there. We also isolate ourselves, you're using substances or numbing behaviors to cope. How many people you know smoke? Weed, marijuana, cannabis, bud, whatever you want to call it, cookies, not whatever you want to call it. Some people are numbing themselves for a reason. Everybody likes to say, I like to get high, I like to get high, I like to smoke weed. Why do you like to be out of contact with reality so much? There's something to it.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

We're trying to escape a reality we don't want to deal with.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

I mean, I'm not gonna knock it to say sometimes, because I used to smoke. I used to smoke weed, but I didn't do it on a daily basis. I did it like on special occasions. My thing was like birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, you know, when I'm by myself at home, you know, I didn't really do it when I was out, although there were there were some times I did do it when I was out. I ain't gonna lie. But those were firing in between compared to when I smoked when I was at home. So, okay, so I was using substances, numbing behaviors, which a numbing behavior means you're taking yourself, your emotions out of the equation. So you don't feel

Stabilize First: Safety And Basics

SPEAKER_02 20:45

anything, you feel hopeless. Oh, that's a big one. I felt that it was like, I can't, I'm never gonna be able to come out of this. I'm never gonna get out from underneath the thumb of my financial problems. I'm never gonna be able to get the house that I want, I'm never gonna be able to get the car I want to drive, I'm never gonna be able to get the job I want to get, I'm never gonna get the education to get those things that I want to get, you know. So it it's like a domino effect, you know, and this it builds up. And when it builds up, your depression kicks in, your anxiety kicks in, you just go into what we call black people call a funk. You get into a funk, we call it blue funk or whatever. You get into this funk, and you you can't seem to get up out of it. Been there, lived that, still living part of that because I'm trying to get out of it. You're surviving and not living. That means you go to work, you come home, you go to work, you come home, you go to work. You you don't experience life, you're not experiencing life. You don't get out, you don't go to concerts, you don't go to plays, you don't go to musicals, you don't go. To outdoor events, you don't go to picnics, you don't go to camping trips, you don't do the things you really want to do. You don't go on vacations, you just are living to live. You know, no hopes of inspiration or aspiration. You're not trying to elevate or go beyond where you are. So if this is you, I want you to know that you're not alone and you're not broken. Okay, you're not. These are just things that affect our minds. It affects everything. It affects your relationships, your work, your body, your finances. And when you're in survival mode, your whole life reflects this. So trauma dregulates your nervous system, right? You're in fight, flight, freeze, or fun mode. You can't think clearly. You make decisions from a place of fear and not wisdom.

SPEAKER_01 23:10

You push people away and you sabotage good things. You self-destruct. This isn't character weakness. This is what trauma does. Okay. The shame that comes with shambles. You think I should be over this by now. Or other people have it worse than me. Or failure. I just can't do anything right. I can't get anything to work. I'm broken.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

But here's the truth: your life falling apart isn't a reflection of who you are, it's a reflection of what you survived.

SPEAKER_01 24:01

The road to recovery starts here. Stop the bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

That's your first step, okay? You can't rebuild while you're still in crisis. You gotta stabilize first. You gotta get yourself safe. You gotta get basic needs met first. Food, shelter, water, sleep, safety. You gotta get those under control first. You don't get those under control, things are still be the same. And if you're in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the emergency room. Get yourself out of harm's way. This this is this is the first thing you do. If you're in America, you can dial

Finding Trauma‑Informed Support

SPEAKER_02 24:50

988. That's the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You know, if you're not in immediate danger, you can call that number. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the emergency room at your nearest hospital. Number two, you get yourself some support. You can't do this alone. I just told you in the beginning of this show, I'm 54 years old and I'm just not getting the trouble. That's why all my stuff is messed up. I'm not a millionaire, I'm not out here trying to pretend like I'm balling out of control. I'm trying to tell you what life really is as a survivor. That's why I'm telling y'all the real nitty-gritty. This is the real, real.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

It's the really real.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

What a set is, a set is when you create an image of something that you want people to see and think that it's that. But on the actual set, it's just a facsimile, a made-up image of what that is. And you behind that set, cameras everywhere, wires, train tracks for the camera cart to move down, people sitting in chairs. It looked like a disaster, right? They got people building stuff over here, you got people eating over here. It's it's it's a it's a crazy environment. But on the set, the actual set, it looks clean, pristine, precise. But this is like the reality of the mental state of a survivor victim, right? The clean, precise look that's actually the set is what we presume they are, but that's not what we are. That's what we're giving off. That's what we want you to believe. We we got this going on. We we alright, we look good, and you know, we shaved, and we we all right, we we going forward, we looking good. No, behind we the behind the set where everything is disarrayed and disordered, and not the image that we're trying to exude. Okay, so you try to get yourself support, try to find a trauma-informed therapist, a trauma-trained therapist. Ask if your trauma therapist, the therapist you're looking for, specializes in trauma. Second, ask if they do EMDR modalities. This is something you need to ask your therapist on your first visit or the first phone call. Because that's what you actually need. You need somebody who's been in school for this to learn how to talk to a person who has survived trauma. If you go to any other therapist than that, you may not receive the help you need. Okay. It's already 28 minutes, and I'm only supposed to be on for a half hour. But this this episode is so critical. I'm I'm not gonna I'm gonna go past the 30 minutes today. I I gotta get this information to you guys. Okay. So you get you call a crisis line, get you a therapist, you find some help. If if if you know somebody's struggling, you you tell them, hey, go go look into getting you a therapist. Or if if you want to try to calmly tell them to, you know, that they need help, if they're not in immediate danger, tell them to come to this podcast where they can get some information that can help them. If you notice at the bottom of the screen right here, there's a ticker tape going across. And that ticker tape is giving you critical information that broadcasts on every episode of our live show. So you can go down there, catch websites. There's two websites on there, and there's several numbers: domestic abuse or domestic violence numbers, you got child sexual abuse numbers, you got the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline number, all these hotline

Start Small And Build Momentum

SPEAKER_02 29:20

numbers 24-7. Nationwide. Okay, somebody's always going to be on that phone to pick up and answer if you need the help. All right. Okay, so don't do this alone. Get you some help. Don't be like me, 54 years old, just not getting some help because I was in denial. You might be in denial, but that's not helping you. That's not helping the people around you, that's not helping your loved ones. Go get you some help. Don't play around with this. You owe yourself to live the life God meant you to have, okay? You owe that to yourself. Okay, number three, smart start small, okay? Don't try to do everything at one time. You try to do everything at one time, you'll be overwhelmed and you won't be able to follow through. Okay? Don't don't overwhelm yourself. Take it in little steps, you know, a little piece at a time.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Call a therapist, okay?

SPEAKER_02 30:23

See, talk to the therapist, ask them the questions, then set up your appointment, then go to the appointment, then ask more questions to the therapist. What should I expect in therapy? Will you be willing to listen to everything I have to say? What are what are the things that you uh will be treating me as? I don't know. What what kind of modalities do you practice, or do you have training as a trauma therapist? You are the the interview goes both ways. You can ask questions to your therapist, they can ask you questions. You're interviewing each other at that point, okay? So don't try to fix everything at once. Take little baby steps. Take one thing: a relationship, a financial issue, a health goal. Start there. Small wins build momentum, okay? So don't try to take on everything at one time because you'll just crumble. If something fails, you'll fall apart. Do one thing at a time, stick with it and get that done. Me right now, I'm working on financials. And I know I got several things I need to work on, but I'm working on financials because financials is the crust of everything, right? You can't get a house if your financials are in disorder. You can't get a car if your financials are in disorder. So I'm trying to get my financials together first, all right? That's me. That's a me thing. Grieve what you lost. Okay, that is okay. If your life fell apart, that's a loss. If you lost your childhood, you didn't have a childhood after you suffered that trauma. That's a loss. It's okay to feel that sadness, it's okay to feel the anger, it's okay to feel that disappointment. Those are your feelings, they're valid.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

You're supposed to be able to feel what you're supposed to feel whenever you feel it. Okay, valid. Your your life is valid, your feelings are valid.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

So don't discredit yourself, okay? I see one of my cameras went out. I don't know what the deal is with that, but okay, we're still active on two, so I want to keep going.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Grief is a serious part of recovery, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:07

So rebuild your foundation. You know, once you can get yourself stable, you rebuild, you work on your mental health. That's

Sleep, Movement, And Nutrition Reset

SPEAKER_02 33:20

therapy or support groups, and you work on your physical health. Make sure you get enough sleep. I didn't realize I have sleep apnea, okay? I when I found out I had sleep apnea, I got I had to go through all this stuff to get the machine and everything. I started plugging up. The machine is a newer type of machine, and once you put it on, it's got a digital readout. So when you wake up and you cut the machine off, it has a readout of how much you slept and how many episodes you had while you were asleep. So when I started wearing the machine, I didn't realize I was only getting like four hours of sleep a night. I didn't realize that. That was a me thing. But I wasn't getting enough sleep. The machine was telling me, hey, you're only getting four hours of sleep. That was a wake-up call. So I tried to start sleeping more. It's kind of hard with all the stuff I was doing, but I'm managing because I had to learn to discipline myself to try to sleep more. Now, because of my Rocky schedule, and now that I don't work midnights anymore, that's kind of hard to get back to normalcy sleeping at night. So I'm dealing with that now. Also, make sure you get enough movement, action, go for walks, try to find a gym, you know, work out or work out at home, do some calisthenics. You don't need weights to work out, you know. You could do jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups, whatever. You know what I'm saying? But you got to have motion. Motion is life. If you don't get your body right, you're not gonna be right. You're not gonna feel right. Your body's gonna tell you that anyway. So you gotta work, you gotta work on that. Okay, nutrition. You gotta start eating better. Can't can't keep going to fast food places and thinking you're gonna be all right. Fast food is not healthy, period. It's just a convenient means to fill your gut, okay. You know, I don't know of any place that's a fast food place that gives you healthy meals. Something outside of a salad. You know what I mean? A healthy meal. You know, it's not too many places like that. So that's another thing we need to look out for. We need to get our our gut in order, nutrition, proper nutrition for our bodies, because that helps. That helps us. Our relationships, we either repair them, you know, try to repair my heart. We have an episode that we had near the beginning of our start of this podcast live broadcast, where we talked about relationships and what was healthy for you and the processes of creating boundaries. And if people keep breaking the boundaries, how to release that person or let the person go. So these things that we need to do, these are things we need to do. And if it's not repairable, don't feel bad to let the person go because that person is not conducive to your health. So let the person be. Let the person be. Anyway, so you have to get your finances together too. That's an important part of your life. It's important to the things that you want to achieve later. So this is the basis. The basics, after you've established the immediate danger basis, you are you're safe, you got a place, you're not in danger anymore. Then you start establishing these things, getting your finances together,

Boundaries, Protection, And Saying No

SPEAKER_02 37:10

you're getting your health together, getting your relationship together, you're you're getting your mental health together, make sure you're getting enough sleep, you know, and you find a purpose. What's your purpose? This this podcast, this live broadcast, this is my purpose. I can't tell you what to do for you. But I can say that having a purpose does help. Okay. Oh my goodness. I had to mute the mic. I'm back, by the way. And I'm wondering because let me move this over. When when when we get to a point where we see that we get to a point where we see that something isn't moving, or something is staying static in our lives. We have to address that immediately. We have to make sure that we're not staying stagnant. Now, life is about forward movement, forward motion, forward stepping, upstairs. We're going up, right? We're not trying to walk down street, we're going up the street, right? We're going to the next level. We're going upstairs. We're going up the elevator. We're going up north. Everywhere we're going, we're going up. We're trying to elevate our lives. We're not trying to just be at a mediocre or mundane living situation. We we want to have a fun and actionable life. We want to have real good relationships, functional relationships. So as we rebuild, we got to protect ourselves. Okay. We got to say things. You got to say no to things that don't serve us or mean good for us. We have to distance ourselves from people that mean hurt. Somebody always has their hand out for money.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

You have to say no. You have to say no. They may actually be in a bad way, but is that helping you? Is that helping your mental state? Is that helping you ground yourself?

SPEAKER_02 40:06

Is that helping you establish yourself? Is that causing you stability? You have to think like that. Because if it's not causing you stability, if you're barely scraping by and somebody has their hand out and you're constantly giving to them, you'll never be stable. Let me zoom in. You'll never be stable. Okay. I'm being silly, but that's it. It's the truth, though. You have to find people who are willing to build with you. If you say I'm willing to build with somebody, and they say, Yes, I'm willing to build with you, then let's build together, right? Not just building together doesn't mean I'm taking care of you and me. Building together means we both working at it. Okay? So don't let somebody use you. You have to find people who are trying to help you. Distance yourself from people who mean you know goodwill. That if they're only out there to take, take, take, take, but they're not giving anything back, distance yourself from those people. Create space for healthy healing. Okay. Boundaries aren't selfish. Boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries are survival. Okay. So

Self‑Compassion And Setbacks

SPEAKER_02 41:30

practice self-compassion because you're gonna mess up. That's just a part of life. You're gonna mess up. You can't get around that. You're going, you're going to make mistakes, you know. There it is gonna happen. There's no way around that. Life is life. As the young kids say, life is life. So as you go through life, you'll you'll make mistakes, you'll make errors, you'll trip up, you'll fall. But that doesn't mean that that's game over, you know. I'm here right now telling you that it's not. How can I tell you that? I've been in prison, I told you that earlier in the episode, but I'm here today to explain to you what not to do. Because I've experienced it already. If I've experienced it and I'm telling you what not to do, why not take my advice? Do you still want to end up the path or the road that I took?

SPEAKER_01 42:37

I'm trying to help you avoid this.

SPEAKER_02 42:41

So, what would it mean to to somebody who has all this experience who is trying to tell you something, but you don't want to listen. You don't want to hear it. Uh, he just he just old, he just likes to talk. He just, I'm not doing this for me, bro. Ma'am, this is not for me.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

I I'm not getting anything out of this. I'm pouring into you guys. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:12

I've been asking for you guys really to go to www.peltsimporium.com to buy merchandise to help support the show. I'm not getting any support. So where do you think this money is coming from to keep the show going? I don't have any sponsors yet. I have a lot of people watching. I got people from seven different countries watching. But nobody's buying the merchandise yet. I mean, I'm buying it. I have my co host bought some stuff, but that's two people. People, this is not a cheap endeavor to do, but I do it because the passion of my heart wants me to help. You. I want you to step out of that dark veil that kept you in fear, that kept you bound by your fear, your guilt, your shame. I I want to help you get out of that because nobody was there to help me get out of it.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

I was stuck and I got stuck for 54 years. There was no internet back then. There were no support groups.

SPEAKER_05 44:32

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 44:45

There there were no tangible means of help. There was a huge gap between survivor and help. I'm today, I'm trying to bridge that gap. I don't claim to be a psychiatrist or psychologist or a therapist. What I am is a survivor, and I'm trying to connect the dots between your suffering and trying to get you to somebody who can help you. If you notice those numbers and websites down there, those are things that you can actually use to find help. Okay? This isn't this isn't for me. I mean, I I do get gratification from the some of the people who have commented to me on a one-on-one basis to say, yeah, I didn't realize all this information is really stuff I've I'm seeing out here. People I've been talking to, or my husband, I see all this stuff in him, and I didn't realize that he was going through all this. I'm telling y'all, bro, this is real. This is this is some serious stuff. And we don't address it because we just think, oh, he being an asshole, oh, she just being an asshole. But the truth of the matter is, people are suffering and they don't know how to handle it. Oh Lord, I'm trying not to go to pieces on this show. But that's how passionate I am about this. This is so

Purpose, Faith, And Upward Motion

SPEAKER_02 46:20

crucial to our lives, y'all. And we don't realize about maybe 80% of the people that we meet pass by in a grocery store have suffered some form of child abuse. And we just walking through the life like nothing matters. Everything happens. We see the Epstein files, Trump going through it. Epstein, he's dead, but Trump is fighting, trying not to let the Epstein files and he don't want to be incriminated. All the other people gonna be incriminated because of these things that they're in the Epstein files for. But that's just the tip of the iceberg, y'all. And all this stuff up underneath, that's like the rest of us. You got a small percentage of people that he did this to, these children that he did this to. And that doesn't diminish the fact that it was evil that he did those things. But that's just a small percentage, very small percentage of what's actually happening out here. So don't say to yourself, it's not, it's just me. It's not just you. It's not. I promise you it's not. Okay. So knowing that you're gonna have setbacks, you're going to fall and you're gonna slip up, you're gonna mess up, and you're gonna feel like you're back to square one, but you're not. That's normal that we slip, we fall. That's called recovery because we're learning how to not slip and fall. Sometimes, like when you're riding a bike, you fall off the bike, you fall a few times off the bike, but you keep going, right? Until you learn, okay, I got it now. That's life in every aspect. You fall until you get it right, okay? And be kind to yourself, right? You're doing these things the best you can with what you got, the resources that you have at your disposal. You're doing the best you can. Just don't get down on yourself. I know a lot of us as as as survivors, we get we get down on ourselves. We're so critical of ourselves. We gotta be perfection because we don't want anybody looking past what we're trying to present. We don't want people to see the the darkness and the oiliness and the and uh messed up stuff that's behind the face. We don't want people to see that. What we want people to see, we want people to see everything that's good about us. But the thing is, it's a lot that's good about us. The trauma isn't part of our persona, it's an effect of our mental state, but it's not who we are. But it can affect how we deal with things and make people think that's how we are. That's why we need to address it, y'all. It's it's critical, it's so critical. And we gotta celebrate the small wins when we do make a minor accomplishment off one of them little steps that we take. Say, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did it. You know, okay, that's cool. I got it.

SPEAKER_01 49:31

That's all right, y'all. I mean, that's cool for real. Take it in, sit back and relish.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

I got that part done. So now I know how to handle that. I got my finances under control. Now I know how to handle that. So now I got my relationships intact. Now I ain't fumbling around with that no more. I can handle that. Celebrate that. You know, I ain't saying go get knocked off your rocker. You know what I'm saying? Don't go drink yourself into a stupor. What I'm saying is congratulate yourself, pat yourself on the back. I did good. You did good, Al. You did good. You know, you're not gonna get that pat on the back from everybody. So you gotta treat yourself. I did good. Yeah, way to go, Al. That's what you're supposed to do. That's the way you gotta treat it. You gotta give yourself the credit, okay? And you gotta find meaning in life, okay? You can't just go through life and let life dictate to you who you are and what you are doing and what your purpose is. You can't you can't let life rule you, you have to rule life. We were meant and born to rule life, but because of our trauma,

No Timeline: Managing For The Long Run

SPEAKER_02 51:00

we've succumbed and surrendered.

SPEAKER_01 51:03

We bowed down and let fear rule us. I pray that some of this stuff is reaching y'all. Because we were not meant to be ruled. I'ma I'ma I'ma I'ma just quote this right quick. No, it's not a quote, it's something I'm gonna say.

SPEAKER_02 51:32

If God made us in him his image, right? The creator in us, because he wanted to commune with somebody who was like him. Think about that for a moment.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

Who else is supposed to rule over us besides God? Can you can you think about that for a moment? You a Bible scholar? I want you to think about that for a moment.

SPEAKER_02 52:04

Because in the beginning, God didn't have nobody else but him standing in between him and man, right?

SPEAKER_01 52:12

That's the way he designed it.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

There was no king, it was no queen, it was no emperor, there were no rulers, there was no bishops, no pastors, no deacons, no nothing.

SPEAKER_01 52:31

God and man. That was it. That's the way God wanted it. For us to directly commune with Him. So ruling is what man wanted to be subjected to because man was scared of God. Think about that for a minute. That fear didn't come from God.

SPEAKER_02 53:03

So I want y'all to think about that for a minute, okay? Fear didn't come from God. If God made us in his image, we didn't have fear, we didn't have the spirit of fear, we weren't created in fear. When God communed with Adam, Adam didn't fear God, he didn't know fear, he didn't eat from the tree of wisdom yet.

SPEAKER_01 53:27

He didn't have fear, he was not knowledgeable of fear. So when we feared God and what God would do to us, because of our sin, we asked for a mediator between us and God. But that was never the plan. So I want y'all to take that into understanding don't let nobody rule over your life. It's only God, only God.

SPEAKER_05 54:15

Only is the only person that's supposed to have an edge above you.

SPEAKER_02 54:23

Okay, so getting back to normal. It's all about building something better, right?

SPEAKER_01 54:31

What do you want your life to look like? What matters to you? What do you want to create? I created this podcast.

SPEAKER_02 54:40

What do you want to create? What's your passion? What helps you or motivates you?

SPEAKER_01 54:47

What gets you going? What wakes you up in the morning? Your trauma is part of your story.

SPEAKER_02 54:56

You see what trauma did for me. It made me create this, it made me write a book, it made me create a YouTube channel that has over 74,000 views. Okay, I'm just saying, find your passion. Finding your passion gives you something to live for, and that's crucial to recovery from a shatter.

SPEAKER_01 55:25

And you don't have to believe me, but you can watch me.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

You can see my story, you can see my elevation, you can watch my elevation because right now I'm I'm going upwards, I'm I'm headed this way, I'm not headed this way, and I'm not staying flat. I'm going up, bro. Ma'am, lady, sir, not staying stagnant, not having a spirit of fear, and not believing that anything is gonna stand in my way. If anybody is trying to stand in my way, they won't be there long. I'm moving around them, over them, or wherever I had to go. I'm not gonna do it in an evil way, but I will not be around you if you are standing in my way. And that's what God wants. God wants you to elevate. He doesn't want you to suffer, he doesn't want you to live in fear. So, with your recovery, there is no timeline, okay? So don't say,

Community, Resources, And Support

SPEAKER_02 56:30

Oh, I want to be recovered in six months. That's not realistic. You'll have good days, you'll have bad days. You'll you make progress, and then you'll feel like you're starting over. That's okay, that's healing.

SPEAKER_01 56:43

But check it out though.

SPEAKER_02 56:47

It might take you five years to recover fully if you do recover, if you follow in the steps and if you could get back to some sort of normalcy. But the truth of the matter is, it'll never totally be out of your system, but you can learn how to manage it properly. You can learn how to deal with it without letting the trauma rule you. You can live a functional life and a happy life, a prosperous life without letting it take you down.

SPEAKER_01 57:27

Some people never recover.

SPEAKER_02 57:31

Some people recover in months, some people take years, some people are still working on it decades later. Hello, that's me.

SPEAKER_01 57:42

There's no right speed, it's only your speed. What recovery looks like is not perfect.

SPEAKER_02 57:55

You're not gonna wake up one day and say, okay, I'm fixed. That recovery is messy and it's nonlinear and it's complicated. But it's possible. You can rebuild your life, you can create something better. You can move from the shambles to stability, to thriving, even okay. So that I just I'm way past my time and went twice past my time. So, what I want to do, I want to close out. If your life is in shambles right now, take one small step today, okay? Don't try to do everything at once. Call someone, call or go to a support group, or go go find a therapist, you know, get somewhere safe first if you're in immediate danger, and then do those other steps. You don't have to fix everything today, like I said, but you just have to start somewhere. You can join us Tuesdays and Saturdays on Tear to Triumph Live, Eastern Standard Time on Facebook on my personal page, Alfonso Pelt, or you can go to our YouTube channel, Tear to Triumph Live, where we will always have an open space for you to look and check out our past videos. It's the only place you can look and check out our past videos. Facebook holds Facebook holds our videos for a short period of time. I get dung twisted sometimes, but Facebook holds our videos for a short period of time and then it deletes them. I mean, videos take up a lot of space. So we have to uh have a space where our videos will stay. People can go back and check out our earlier videos. So you go to YouTube channel at Terror to Triumph Live, all one word, or one no spaces. So head over to www.pellsymphium, pelsimporium.com, that is, and you know, check out some merchandise there, buy some stuff, and support the show. And it won't just be you spending money, it will be you getting something in return. It's like a thank you for supporting the show, and you can show people what you're wearing, like this t-shirt. You know, it's not nothing big, or I'm trying to get somewhere where you can see it, it's not something huge, you know. Got a little embroidered emblem right here of our logo, and there's one on the back, you know. I don't want to stand up and show you because obviously, you know, the camera's focused right here. But, you know, this it's the logo, uh the picture on the back is about this big, though. It's it's kind of big for the church. Anyway, it's not embroidered, it's it's screen. So we do have other things. We got hoodies, we got other t-shirts, we got cropped hoodies for the women, we got uh what we got, we got aprons, we got towels, we got comforters, we got mugs, coffee mugs, we got hats, caps you could wear, we got beanies, that's just everything that's on Pell Symporium. We got dress. I was designing another dress. Yes, oh, by the way, everything's designed by me except for Crystal's Corner. That's another portion of the same site. You could go there and buy some stuff too, of course. But on Pell Symporium, outside of that, anything you buy there helps support the show. So please, by all means, go over there, peruse, find something you like. I'm I'm I'm I think I'm pretty decent in designing some stuff. So go ahead on over there and check it out. You know, if you like something, buy it, you know, and help support these conversations that we're having. Keep the communication open and alive. And it's very important because it's helping a lot of people across the globe right now. Um Buzz Sprout alone, I got over 200 downloads of the podcast. I don't know how many people are downloading on all the other platforms we're on. Like I said, it's over 12 platforms that we're on, they're major platforms. Pod Chaser, Podcast, Pod Attic. I'm not even gonna mention all of them, but Buzz Sprout is where we're based off of and RSS feed to everybody else. So please, by all means, like, subscribe, share, tell friend, tell a friend, you know, go spread the word about this podcast because it's helping people. I got people watching this show, seven different countries. It's helping people. I know it's helping people because you wouldn't keep watching it if it's not helping you. And I'm so appreciative to know it's helping somebody across the globe. So tell somebody, don't gatekeep this. This is not something to be held to yourself. Tell people because you might not know it, but later on, you could come across somebody who's suffering and might need this information, and you don't have it. You need to give them what we got going on. That little ticker tape down at the bottom of the screen. You could give them that information here. Here's Number Rain. That's for rape, abuse, incest, national network, and they can find you some help. You know, you know, this is what we do. This is our community. Let's help each other, spread the word, get the word out there. All right, I'm I'm I'm sad

Closing, Schedule, And Merch

SPEAKER_02 1:04:00

enough. I'm I'm a gone out of here. Terror the tribe is supported by a Pell Symporium, of course. So do support us, please support us. Remember, the motto to Pell Symporium is we are all beautiful, and I say that because I truly believe deep in each person's heart is a beautiful thing if we allow it to be, and we have to cultivate that part of ourselves, and a lot of people do not, and they end up being other than what they were meant to be. So inside we are all beautiful, and we have to take steps to bring the innermost part of our beauty out, and I'm not talking about physical beauty, I'm talking about who we are as humans. We are beautiful, we are all beautiful. Okay, I'm gone. I've been on twice as long as I'm supposed to be on. I love you all. I pray you all have a blessed week. Join us again at 10:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. Saturday. We're on twice a week, Tuesdays and Saturdays. Saturday is our information session, which I will be joined by my co-host Storm. And we're got a good show for you coming up again. I don't want to spoil it, I'm not gonna tell y'all what it is. Just like today was a good show. Saturday is gonna be a good show too. As every show is a good show, and if you just come and check us out. So, you know, come, come, listen to us, join the community, be a part of us. We'd love to have you. My name is Alfonso Pelt. This has been Terra the Triumph, and I thank you for joining us. See you Saturday.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:53

Take care.