Sibling Dynamics and Trauma: Healing Broken Bonds

Your siblings were supposed to be your first allies, so why does the relationship still feel tense, distant, or unsafe years later? We go straight into one of the most painful realities of childhood trauma: abusive family systems often pit siblings against each other, then leave everyone to clean up the emotional wreckage as adults.

We talk through how “scarcity” in an abusive home changes everything, limited safety, limited affection, limited attention, and how that pressure creates rivalry and resentment. We break down the golden child and scapegoat dynamic, why it is manipulation not destiny, and why both roles can carry shame. We also dig into survival responses that look like personality differences but are really trauma responses: freezing, fighting back, dissociating, becoming the peacekeeper, or becoming the rebel. And we name parentification for what it is, a child being forced into adult responsibility, which can damage sibling trust on both sides.

A big turning point comes when siblings remember the same home differently. We explain how that mismatch can feel like denial or minimization, even when it is a trauma brain processing pain in different ways. We also address the hardest truth: siblings can be victims and still hurt each other, and healing has to start with honesty about what happened. Finally, we lay out steps for healing sibling relationships, including real conversation, listening without defending, setting boundaries, grieving what you did not have, and deciding whether repair or distance is the healthiest choice.

If this hit home, subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more survivors searching for sibling trauma healing can find the conversation.

Transcript

Welcome And What We Are Talking About

SPEAKER_01 0:18

No. If you throw in with self-tab ties, and you don't know where it starts, welcome everybody.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Hello to Terror the Triumph. I am Alfonso Pelt, your host and creator of Terror the Triumph. This is my lovely co-host, Storm. Hi, Storm. How are you doing tonight?

SPEAKER_03 1:31

I'm fine, thank you. How are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:35

I am okay. The weather is warming up finally here in Detroit. And I'm so happy about it. I'm happy.

SPEAKER_03 1:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

So we're gonna be outside again, and we ain't gonna be wearing coats and stuff like that, you know. So it's coming, and I can't wait. I'm glad to be a part of it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

All right, we got a another good topic for you guys tonight. This topic is very, very sensitive for siblings and the dynamics of trauma between them, peeling the broken bond between the siblings and those who have suffered trauma as collectively tried to deal with it. It's like I said, it's it's a very tough subject, and we're gonna try to shoot through it tonight so you guys can be able to digest this content and understand that it's a lot of us out there that suffered through trauma, and we're not the only ones, you know, as we would think we are. But the truth of the matter is our siblings was right there with us as we went through it. And they possibly have suffered trauma too, in some form or degree of their own. And we have to understand the relationships and how that happens and what what's involved and all the dynamics of the sibling relationship as it comes to trauma inflicting families. So tonight we're going through it, okay? We're gonna try to power through this, and I thank you all for joining us. Terror to Triumph is broadcasting live on Buzzsprout Facebook on my personal page, Alfonso Belt, those spaces, and on our YouTube channel at

Scarcity And Favoritism In Abuse

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Terror to Triumph Live. So if you go there and check us out, you can also leave a comment live on those platforms and we can respond to you. Well, the YouTube and the Facebook platform, not the not the Buzz Sprout. The Bugsprout is listen only. But now we have subscriptions. I want to make you aware or remind you if you haven't heard the earlier announcements that we now have subscriptions. We are giving our live QAs and our specials and our special series. And if we have a special guest, that'll also be included in our subscriptions. No longer are we giving those to free domain. Now we're also just having that in our content, subscribe content. You can subscribe and get that content on our Buzz Sprout platform. You can go and look up dairy to triumph.buzzsprout.com. And you can subscribe. And that helps us keep the lights on. See what's in the background. We got to keep those going. Keep the conversations moving and keeping the information flowing so we can help you and get you on that path to your healing journeys. So, on to the topic. We um talking about something that is cutting deep, that is that sibling dynamics and trauma. Your siblings were supposed to be your allies, your people, but in an abusive home, things get a little complicated, right? So maybe you were pitted against each other. Maybe one sibling was the favorite. Maybe you had to protect them. Maybe they didn't protect you. So today we're untangling all of that. And we're trying to talk about, and we are talking about killing those relationships. So Storm, let's get it.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

All right, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

All right. In a healthy family, siblings are your first friends, okay? They're your allies, they're your people who get it because they live the two, right? But in an abusive home, siblings become complicated. And here's why trauma creates scarcity. Okay. When a parent is abusive, there's limited safety. I mean you're in your own home, and already the trauma is the elephant in the room.

unknown 6:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

So it's squeezing everybody. You have limited love, limited resources, whether they're emotional, physical, or financial. Excuse me, y'all got the burps. I don't know why. I didn't really eat after I got home. Yes, I did. I had some fries and a sausage. That might be what. But anyway, let's be out of that a little moment there. I'm just thinking about it. But so siblings compete for all the limited resources that's left behind, right? So they compete for the parents' attention, or they compete for safety, or they compete for the love. And that competition breeds resentment towards siblings. Favoritism divides. An abusive parent often has a favorite child, the golden child, the one who can't do no wrong. And then there's the scapegoat, the one who gets blamed for everything, the one who can't do anything right. Okay? If you were the golden child, your siblings resented you. Even though it wasn't your fault. If you were the scapegoat, you resented the golden child or the others, even though they didn't choose it either. So both of you were manipulated by the abusive parent. Okay. But before I let you take over where it says abuse creates different responses, I want to iterate something right quick. I don't know if my siblings are watching tonight, but this is dedicated to you guys, okay? Because we experienced this, we lived this. This was a part of our lives. We did have the golden one, you know, I wasn't it, uh, and I did get blamed for a lot of stuff, so I felt like I was the scapegoat. But there were other, there was another of my siblings who was blamed a lot for things. And that I believe that's my oldest sister. She she beared a lot of weight from us. And I mean, not from us, but from my parents. And I uh my sister, my heart goes out to you. You know, as I go through this journey on this platform, I'm learning a lot of stuff myself about the information we give, but a lot of it hits home to me too, because I'm finding out for the first time outside of the therapy. So that's what I mean by we're plowing through it, we're getting into it, and it's hitting me too. Sharesh Vrama, I would like to thank you for joining us. Thank you for the greetings from India. I do remember you in my prayers, and I do say prayers for you and say prayers for you and your ministry. And my heart goes out to the children and the poor widows and the disabled persons in your feeding program. So I wish you all the best, and I wish you well in your outreach programs there. Minister or Pastor Sharesh and his wife, Mary Sharesh from India, have long been working in their communities to feed the needy, the hungry, and the disposed.

Personal Stories Behind The Topic

SPEAKER_00 10:31

I would like to just extend a hearty, heartfelt thank you for showing up and being a part of this platform. Thank you for your comment. And the prayers are still moving forward as far as that goes. So, Storm, could you now continue, please?

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Abuse creates different respondents. Siblings experience the same abuse differently. One sibling might freeze, another may fight back, another one might disassociate, one sibling may become the peacekeeper, another one become the rebel. These different survival strategies can create conflict between siblings. Alliance shift. In an abusive harm alliances are survival tools. Sometimes you and your siblings bend together against the parent. Sometimes one of you sides with the parents to stay safe. These shifting alliances create betrayal. Even when both of you were just trying to survive. Perification pits siblings against each other. If you were parrified, you may have been responsive, responsible for your sibling. You had to feed them, protect them, care for them, but you were a kid. You were also being abused. Your siblings may resent you for not protecting them better or being too strict or having to take orders from you. And you may resent them for not appreciating that, you know, appreciated what you sacrificed, which I have gone through this with my cousins because they was like my siblings. So I had to be the one to say, hey, let's do the homework, let's clean the house. Because you already know your mother stated, if her house is not clean when she gets home, she was gonna beat all of us, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

I hope my siblings is watching. Because that that's us. That was us. My older sister had the responsibility you had with your family storm, and this is explaining that whole situation. So she took that brunt. But my middle sister was also the golden child. She the one that couldn't do no wrong. Sometimes we did resent her for being the favorite. She was the favorite out of all of us. That's just how it was.

SPEAKER_03 13:08

I was the golden child, but yes, I was the golden child. Not that I got away with anything, but I was the one that was resented because of them being beat by their parents for anything. And I wasn't getting that treatment. And but I was taking punches on the other hand, because I had to make sure y'all did everything. Y'all did your homework, I fed y'all, we cleaned the house because I was drinking, you know. And so they don't understand that even though they were sending me because I didn't get the same punishments that they got, you know, and I didn't get, you know, uh, I didn't get beat like they did, you know, they don't understand how my heart went out to them and how it made me, it put me in a shell, you know, because I felt bad, you know, because they was being tortured, and I was like, you know, my mom was not doing me the way that they was being done, and they was getting beat for anything, just any any little bitty thing, just anything, nothing. It could be a look, it could have been the fact that you know they they walked on a piece of paper, you know, just the the tiniest thing, and and my heart went out to them.

SPEAKER_00 14:32

Go ahead, go ahead. I was just agreeing with you.

SPEAKER_03 14:34

Yeah, I mean, I don't want to take long, you know. I just want to say that you know, if they are watching, I love y'all, I didn't want y'all to go through this, and I did resent, you know, what all y'all been through, you know, and yeah, y'all tried to kill me, you know, when I was 16. And because, you know, I didn't get what y'all got, but y'all don't understand. I had my own heart, I had my own pain, I had my own hardship. I had already been sexually assaulted. I was dealing with that, you know. So I was going through my own moments, and I do feel sorry for y'all, and I just love y'all.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

See. This is uh it's tugging on my experience, really. Because I remember my older sister really going the bat for us. She was like the buffer between us and my parents. And sometimes I did resent her when she gave us her the orders. And you know, she was frustrated too. She was abused too. She was I don't want to tell her story. That's her story. She has created the book for it, and she I want her to come out with her book and tell her story. But she had gone through her own trials, and those trials had her, I'm sure, created resentment that she had to take care of us. You know, she loved us, and she didn't want us to go through what my parents was having her go through. So it it was a a big disruption, I'm I'm sure, on her to have to carry that mantle as a child, because our parents were not apt to control the household that they should have control. That they were the parents. They should have been the ones to run all the stuff or have us do the chores, not put someone in charge to be over us as the um mini manager, so to speak, you know, an enforcer to have us do certain things. And that does fit siblings against siblings. So, okay, I want to stop there, and I don't want to go too much further. I want to get back into the meat of this. So, where

Survival Roles And Parentification

SPEAKER_00 17:10

did you leave off? This creates mistrust, shame, and distance.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

No secrets create distance.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Uh, okay, siblings might be. Okay, so different memories of the same abuse. Here's something that happens. You and your sibling experience the same abuse, but you remember it differently. You remember your parent as violent, your sibling remembers them as sad. You remember being terrified, your sibling remembers being angry. So that comes from the dichotomy of who was the golden one, who was the one that was the black sheep of the family and stuff like that. I always felt like I was the black sheep. Okay. And I already told you the one was the golden child, but you know, I remember my parents as being violent. And there's no way none of my siblings could say otherwise, honestly, because they were violent all throughout our lives. But some of my siblings might see them a little differently than what I have or what the others have, you know, the ones who were closer to them. So it might uh be a different view or perspective. You remember, you remember needing protection, you your siblings remembers needing to be strong for themselves and for you. You as a sibling, that is. These different memories can make you feel like your siblings don't understand, like they're minimizing your experience, like they're on the abuser side, okay? But they're not, they're just processing it the same trauma, they're processing the same trauma you are, okay? They're just processing it differently. Unresolved trauma gets passed down. If your sibling hasn't dealt with their trauma, they might hurt you emotionally, physically, sexually. Siblings can be abusers too. And that adds another layer of betrayal, okay? You were supposed to be safe with them and you weren't. I mentioned the fact that when I was going through the sexual trauma for my mother, that I was feeling exposed because she didn't try to hide that. And one of my siblings happened to walk by the doorway while it was going on. And I don't know if her mind registered the act of it happening, you know, but she walked by and she kept going, you know. So to this day, she doesn't even remember it. When I bring it up, when I brought it up and told her you passed right by, you looked in, she was like, I don't remember that ever happening. So she's repressed that. And I don't blame her for that. But at a point, I resented her for not helping me. So this is adding up into what we're talking about tonight. I was supposed to feel safe. Remember, I, well, okay, you might not know, but I was the baby of the family. Everybody was older than me. So when my sister saw that, I'm thinking, okay, I'm about to get some help. And no, help never came. Help walked right past the doorway and went on about their lives. And I'm still going through this traumatic episode. So that that made me not trust anybody in my family. And it it stopped a lot of trust for me outside of my family. So this this is some real stuff, y'all. This ain't this ain't nothing to play with. Storm, can you uh start off on the list from the conduct common patterns and sibling relationships after trauma?

SPEAKER_03 21:33

You say okay, one sibling cuts off contact completely. Siblings complete for the parents' love, even as adults. One sibling enables the abused parent.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

I'm pointing at me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to distract you, but yeah, that was me. We're gonna go over these in a minute. I just wanted storm recovery.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

The abusive parent and the other one doesn't. Siblings have different relations with the abuser. One sibling becomes the family rescuer, the other becomes the rebel. Sibling blames each other for family problems. One sibling mineralizes the abuse, the other acknowledges it. Siblings don't talk about what happened. Resentment builds silently over years the truth. Your siblings was a victim. They also was a victim, even if they hurt you, even if they didn't protect you, even if they sided with the abuser, they were a child in a traumatic situation. They didn't know what they had to do to survive, and so did you.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

So you see, on this list, if any of these applied to you or have been a part of your upbringing, then you know that you were suffering abuse in that situation amongst your siblings. Okay? I was waving like that's me, that's me. I was saying that first one, sibling cuts off contact completely. My siblings know that I just, when I got out the house, I didn't talk to nobody. My brother, which is the only brother I have that's alive, I didn't talk to him. I didn't talk to my eldest, my middle, or my younger sister, I didn't talk to aunts, uncles, I didn't talk to cousins, I ain't talked to nobody. I cut everybody off. And I was trying to live my life. And the hardship was when my parents tried to call me or interject themselves in my lives. I felt like I even on a phone call, I felt like I was threatened. That's how serious it was. As an adult, I'm talking about. I'm not talking about as a child. I'm talking about as an adult. I didn't want to even talk to them on the phone. Okay, so think about that for a minute. Now, does any of these resonate with you, Storm? Does any of these bring up something in you or memories or something that's really prominent?

Different Memories And Deeper Betrayal

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Um excuse me, y'all.

SPEAKER_03 24:25

I don't my cousins, they had their own trauma, you know, and I just felt like I was a part of that trauma because I couldn't help them, you know. And, you know, did they probably blame me? I don't know, because they never talked about it, they never opened up about it, you know. You know, could I have helped them? No, I couldn't because I was a child myself. I was scared to death, you know, myself for them because I felt like I was the big sister, even though I was the cousin, you know, and I felt like I was drinking too, you know what I'm saying? What you want me to do? You know, I I can't do nothing. You know, who I supposed to tell, you know, you know, I feel like I feel like you were something. Uh sometimes I feel like they did, you know, and I don't know that. Seriously, don't know that because they never open up and say, I blame you. They never open up, but they tried to kill me when I was 16, you know. They tried to, you know, suffocate me with a pillow.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

So just a little bit, just a little bit. So I I would say yes on that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 25:37

Yeah, you know, so it was two of them. It wasn't three because the other one, she was too young to really probably resent me. But uh the two, you know, they, you know, I felt something, and something said open your eyes, and they had a pillar over my head. They was about to suffocate me.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Oh my god. So you were like the golden child, and they were resentful of you because they felt like you had special treatment. And it wasn't so much in your situation, it wasn't so much in the household, even though y'all was together as cousins from time to time. But they looked at your life with your parents and saw how you got treated and thought that you had it better. When in actuality, you was going through your own stuff, right?

SPEAKER_03 26:26

So my mom was my mom was absent. My mom, their mom was like my mother. So I felt like I their mother was my mother because my mom was absent. My mom worked for, you know, she worked hard for a living like a slave, you know. So my their mom, when they went to when they went out of town, I went out of town with them like I was their sibling, you know. So yeah, yeah, I was the Goldie child and I felt like yes, they resenting me, you know. But I didn't have two parents, I had one.

SPEAKER_00 26:58

Okay, okay. So we we both are really talking from two sides of the same coin. Or well, the same side of the coin, you know, because well, no, yeah, yeah, two sides of the same coin because you were the golden child. I felt like I was the black sheep or the one that got accused for everything. So yeah. I resented my middle sister for a long time because she she was doted on. Parents did show her a lot of love and affection I didn't get. The so-called love and affection that I got came in the form of things, objects, like toys or something like that, which I rather have had the the love, the the closeness, the more understanding, the the hugs, the the kisses, the the the you know, showering of affection. I didn't get that. I was just like, oh, here go a racetrack, you know, have fun with that. Here go a tonka truck, you know, have fun with that. They'll look at me, watch me play with it for a minute, then they go on about their business. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

So I'm like, you know, and I got struck by starting and turn around and beat you with the same toy that they gave you.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

The racetrack, yeah. They them things hurt. Race car tracks. So bother.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

So yeah, yeah, yeah. Show did. Okay, so let's talk about the specific wounds that come from sibling bonds. Feel like you're not being detected. Your siblings supposed to have the back, and they didn't, they were too young, maybe they were scared, maybe they didn't know you needed help. Okay, so the wound is real, but you felt left alone. You felt betrayed. You felt like your siblings didn't close the they chose to abuse her over you. So the wounds of being blamed are your sibling blames you for things that weren't even your fault, right? So, for not protecting them, for not stopping the abuse. You heard me talk about that earlier, for surviving differently than they did. So, you know, me looking back now, even though I resented my other sister for not helping me in my traumatic experience, she was a child too. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't stop my mother. At that point, she didn't, she wasn't strong enough. She was almost the same size I was. She was a little bigger than me. So, how was she supposed to stop it? You know, so I internalized the blame and I carried the guilt for things that I couldn't control. And I'm sure they probably did, and that's maybe the reason why she repressed it out of her memory. So the wound of favoritism is that your sibling was the golden child and you were the scapegoat, and you resented them because you resent that they got the love. Didn't I just speak about that? They got that love, they got the safety, they got away with things that you'd be punished for. That was that was pretty much our household. And if you were the golden child, you feel guilty. I don't know if my little sister ever felt guilty, but she felt like uh, you feel like you were betrayed by your sist sibling that was receiving all favor. Okay. The wound of different realities. You and your siblings remember things differently. That's me and my younger sister. We remember things differently. You experience the same home, but you're describing two different childhoods. That is very prevalent in our home. From my brother to my older sister, all the way down to me. This makes you feel crazy, like you're the one who's wrong, like you're exaggerating, like your siblings don't believe you. And I've had to deal with that. The wound of silence, you and your sibling don't talk about what happened. Yep. When I disassociated myself from my family for

Common Adult Patterns After Trauma

SPEAKER_00 31:10

decades, that was that. You printed, you pretend everything is fine, and I did. Avoided them. I kept the family secret. I didn't talk about it. I imagine they didn't talk about it much. But that was that. The silence was a wall between us, and it kept us from really knowing each other, from really hanging or healing together. So my siblings, this is all us. This is all us. This is why we have so much distance in our family. And if if you come up in the abusive family, think about this. This might be the reason why you have distance between your siblings. If it ever crossed your mind to say, why me and my siblings not as close as we should be? This might be the reason, you know, because the abusive family caused you to be at odds with your siblings. So the wound of being hurt by them, the sibling may have abused you or they may have whooped you. Like your parents were their abusers. Your sibling picked up how the whoopings and abuses the whoopings are. They may have whooped you similarly because they gave them control over you. They gave them the parentship over you. So that may be an issue. Or in your case, it might have been emotionally or sexually or mentally, you know, depending on how the parent displayed all these things, or depending on how the child interpreted, misinterpreted the control that they had, anything could have happened. So that's a specific kind of betrayal because they were supposed to be your ally, your person, and they hurt you. And the wound of losing them uh maybe you had to cut off contact with your sibling to protect yourself. Maybe they cut contact with you to protect themselves. My family, it feels like it's a two-way street. We cut each other off. You know? Either way, we lost a relationship that could have been healing for us. And that could have been our greatest source of understanding our lives and our upbringing. These wounds are real and they need to be acknowledged. Storm, can you take the next segment, please?

SPEAKER_03 33:35

Healing siblings relationships. Healing siblings relationships is possible, but it's required honestly, vulnerably, and sometimes letting go. Acknowledge the wound. What happened? What did your siblings do or not do that hurt you? Don't minimize it, don't make excuses, it's just nightmare. Recognize that they're also a victim. Don't this doesn't excuse their behavior, but it can contest it. Your siblings was a was also a child in a traumatic environment. They were also doing what they had to do to survive. Understanding that doesn't mean you have to forgive them, but it may help you stop blaming them for things they couldn't control. Three, decide what you won't do. You want to repair the relationship or do you need to distance? Both are valid, both are healing choices. If you want to repair it, you need to have a conversation, a real one, where where you where you tell the truth. If you need distance, that's okay too. You don't have to stay in a relationship that hurts you. Have the conversation if you choose to. This is hard, but it's necessary. Tell a sibling what you experienced, how it affected you, what you needed from them now, what you're willing to do to repair the relationship. Listen to their experience too, without defending, without explaining. Just listen. Five, set boundaries. You may repair the relationship, but that doesn't mean you go back to the old dynamic. You set new boundaries, you decide what you will and won't tolerate. You decide what kind of relationship you want to have. Step six, greed what you didn't have. You didn't have a sibling who protected you, you didn't have an ally in your childhood, you didn't have someone who understood. That's a loss, and it deserves to be greed. Step seven, build something new. If you repair the relationship, you get to build something new, something based on honesty, on mutual respect, on shared understanding of what you both survived. That can be powerful, that can be healing. The truth, your sibling is not your enemy. The abusive system is your sibling, is another survivor, and together you have the power to heal, not just individually, but as a family unit. That's where a real transformation happens.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

So we talked about being pitted against each other. We talked about our siblings tried to hurt us. We talked about trying to have a real conversation with our siblings afterwards. The conversations that I

The Core Wounds Between Siblings

SPEAKER_00 36:50

tried to have with my siblings afterwards, we talked about trauma in our families. We like me and my brother, we talked about some of the stuff that he's been through, and I know he doesn't want to go through it. I'm not going to bring the stuff up here to respect him and his privacy. But I never did get to tell him about the things that I went through through in depth. My older sister, I have discussed it with her, but that was much later in life. As much as she discussed the things that she went through with me. So we came to a place of mutual understanding about our upbringing, but we never got into this conversation. We never got into the parentising of her life, my older sister I'm talking about. And how that affected the rest of us as siblings. But we talked about the other abuses that we suffered. So that didn't really repair our relationship, just talking about the abuse. So knowing what we know now after tonight's episode, I feel like those are some conversations that need to be had. They need to be addressed.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Okay, what would you tell a sibling?

SPEAKER_00 39:12

With a broken sibling bond.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

That one is kind of hard because I haven't did it myself. So how can I explain to somebody what they need to do that I have not done? You know.

SPEAKER_00 39:34

But at the same time, your situation is a little different too. Because you're you're a single child. I mean, a single child of a single child home. You do you really have siblings, or is it just your cousins that you interacted with?

SPEAKER_03 39:52

Well, because we was all in the same house. We was brought up together. You know, it's like they're siblings. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:03

Because I was I was the head. I was the one that had to be like, all right, your mom called, she said, you do this, you do that. You know, we had to divide chores. Like I said, my heart goes out because if anything was left undone or anything was done wrong, it's like they caught, you know, the worst for it. So I had to make sure, in order for things not to happen in that order that I went behind, you know, stop saying, okay, I did mine, you know, you know, you know, they better get theirs. No, I started going behind, like, oh, did you um the trash? Let me make sure the trash is up there. Let me make sure the floor is swapped, let me make sure I go behind them out. Let me make sure that you did the living room, let me make sure this happened, let me show the bathroom's clean, let me make sure it's up to space because when she stepped in the house, I really didn't want nobody to have to catch fleck over something that we could have gone over with each other. So yeah, that was kind of heartwrenching because you didn't want nobody to catch fleck for something that you could have double backed on, you know, and I just said, Hey, yeah, it's done. Whatever, I'm finna retire to my room. And if it ain't done, that's on them. No, it was like, no, you get you you live and you learn when you get tired of seeing what's going on. You kind of like you ready to stop, you ready to take action. And yes, did I block one of them who one of them hits one day and pay for it? Yes, I paid for it. I had a mark.

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Feel you on that. I feel you on that. And I'm imagining that's what my older sister went through. So everything that you're talking about tonight. Cause, yeah, it's pretty much the same on that level. When she told us we had to do, we all did our chores around the same time, but when we didn't do something right, she might have got chastised about it, but

Steps To Heal Or Step Back

SPEAKER_00 42:11

we were the ones that got the the whooping for not doing it right. So I know that tugged on her heartstrings, and that's what made her want to do whatever she could to protect us, and she went to bat a lot for us. And I love you, sis, for that. But my heart also goes out for you for that too, because you put yourself in harm's way, and I know how our mother was. She wasn't she wasn't no joke, she was smoking time bonds. We are actually way over our time. We were supposed to only be on for 30 minutes, but I feel like maybe we should do a whole hour to give you guys all the information. I don't want to skimp out on you and only give you a portion of the information that we have. So we're gonna continue to talk about this situation for a little bit longer. I wish my siblings would have came on tonight, so at least we could have had a little dialogue on the Q ⁇ A type situation. They could have asked us questions or they could have at least commented and maybe made a statement about how they felt. But it's okay. I know everybody has their own path to their healing, and not everybody wants to talk about their healing. So give them grace, give them time, you know. You can try to start the conversation, be gentle about it, but let them know that you suffered and that you were trying to see how they Had their perspective focused on the situation. How did they think about the situation? How did they feel about the situation? What were their thoughts? What were they going through at the moment in time? I'm thinking these are the things that you might want to ask your sibling. If you have been in or are experiencing or have experienced broken home where you were pitted against your siblings, and your siblings had resentment for you, and you had resentment for them, and you want to patch things up. These are the things you might want to think about asking your sibling, or if you have a friend that's going through it, you might want to tell them these things to say to their sibling to bring about some kind of resolution to the issue. Because left unchecked, this can go on until everybody in the family passes away. And then there's always gonna be something in the back of your mind like I should have tried to reach out more. I should have tried to create a safe place for us to talk. There should have been some kind of phone call made or stop by the house and rap on the door to try to facilitate the conversation. But if you don't talk about it, your siblings not talking about it, everybody's going through the trauma in their own zone, you know? And that's like uh you ever seen like bubbles getting stuck together? You know, initially they they have a wall in between them. If you ever had one of those little toys where you picked up, you dipped it in the soap and you blew the bubbles, and you see two of the bubbles connect. They don't just be two balls, it'll be a dividing membrane in between them. They'll be stuck together. So that's kind of like our siblings. We'll be that cluster with the membrane in between us. So we're individually still going through our stuff, but piercing that and becoming with the one big bubble would be you crossing the barrier to talk and open up and start a conversation with your sibling to try to reach an understanding. Storm, what you think about it?

SPEAKER_03 46:41

It would be hard, you know, because that's all wounds, you know, and I don't even know where to start, because like I told you, not, you know, I don't know where it would lead me. It would have to probably be a phone call first, you know, just to see what a mindset is. Or, you know, they'll probably say to me, why you want to bring it up, you know? But I would like to know if they okay, you know, from it, because we do talk, but it ain't like they never said anything about it, you know, because we do talk, we communicate, we communicate very well, you know. But sometimes I want to know, you know, did they close the book? Because they talk to their mother, they have a very good relationship with their mother, but are they still going through some kind of trauma in their head from what happened throughout the years?

SPEAKER_00 47:40

Right, right. So with your with your with your cousins, do you feel like your relationship with them has improved over the years? Did it remain the same? Did it deteriorate?

SPEAKER_03 48:04

With my well, we never was very talkative, but I find myself talking more with my with the middle child, which is my middle cousin, because it was drilled him. So I find myself talking more to him, you know, less than the oldest one. And it's another story that I cannot discuss that she had to tell for herself, like you said. You know, it's some things going on in her life that I would not like the public to know about, but she's going through something right now. So on that hand, she would be unreachable, and to bring it up would make her resent a lot of things even more. It would just send her back in a spousal. So, you know, I would have to just kind of like meet her when she is, you know, and kind of leave it alone until she decides that she wants to come out of it. But for us, my middle cousin, he's okay. We talk and we have communication. My last cousin, we talk because, like I said, she's the one that was a mother, like a mother to my oldest daughter. So she took on that mother love, and she always asks us about her child, which is my child. And we don't we don't really talk, she kind of talks with the child, like you know, like she talks with the daughter, like, oh baby, you know, I see you here, you came outside, you know, because she stays secluded in the house. And but I don't look at that. We had a we had a bad relationship

How To Start The Hard Talk

SPEAKER_03 49:40

because I kind of was there, because I took a lick, like I told you, you know, I that was the one that I took a lick for, you know. And trust me, it left a scar. And did I resent, you know? No, I didn't. I just felt like I was doing something for the good, you know, that day. And do she ever resent me? No, she never said that, you know, nothing. She had a best, you know, she had the best life. But and her siblings were sent to her because she didn't get beat like they did, so they were sent to her, you know. So yeah, she was the golden child.

SPEAKER_00 50:20

Well, I had to I had to say that uh with my family, our relationships have struggled to try to connect throughout the years. We'll do like bumper cars. We'll come in, we'll try to connect, we'll bounce off, we'll try to come in, we kept doing that throughout the years. I know I I was, I ain't gonna lie, and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, I was the ass. I was the hardest one to get along with because I kept trying to stay away from everybody. And that I know did not go well with trying to facilitate the conversations, even though I wanted to, you know, so it'd be like when the connection comes, you know, somebody, hey, we need to try to stay in contact and call each other a lot more. Like, okay, you know, cool. You know, I might call once or twice, you know, if I don't get a call back, you know, I don't call back. I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna keep doing this if I don't receive calls. You know, I it's hard for me to reach out because I'm trying to get past the stuff that I'm dealing with, even though they reached out to me first. So, and I like I said to my syllabus, I hope y'all watching because this is this is real, this is me. So I hate that about the trauma. See, this is another aspect of it too. The trauma itself makes you not want to relive it, right? So as a survivor, you try to avoid the things which would be your triggers, the things that bring back the trauma to your memory. And that could be the people who were there at the time. Sometimes my siblings, me knowing of my siblings or being around them is the trigger. And they weren't the ones that actually did the stuff. So that is another level that's creating distance or a bond or break, bond-breaking event between me and my siblings. That's that's a me thing. I don't know if it's the same thing with them, but like I said, we never did really get into a conversation that deep. It is nearing the one-hour point in our show, and I think

Support The Show And Closing

SPEAKER_00 53:00

we're gonna try to start wrapping this up. So, Storm, can you do the call to action? I'm gonna let you have some words in because uh I can be quite wordy.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

Okay. This week, think about one sibling relationship that needs healing and decide: do I want to repair this or do I need distance? Both answers are valid. Honor what you need. Join us Tuesday on Terror to Trump live at 10:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time on Facebook and YouTube. Interactive QA. Head to WW Pelse Imperium to shop and support the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Okay, there's a little correction that needs to be made right there. That 10:30 a.m. is uh old time. That's where we used to be. We are now 9:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I forgot to change that in the wording. My apologies. That's on me, not Storm. Okay. Yeah, Terror to Tribe is supported by Pell Symporium. Every purchase except for Crystal's Corner goes to help support the podcast. So go on over there, peruse, check out some stuff. It's some mighty step over there or not. And then watch us live on Terra to Triumph Live on Facebook and on YouTube as well at Terra the Triumph Live. Facebook is Alfonso Pelt. So do Facebook.org backslash Alfonso Pelt. Okay? Facebook.com backslash Alfonso Pelt. Remember, we are all beautiful inside and out, and mostly on the inside. Nobody wants to be ugly on the inside. But if you are, you can change. Just like survivors who we feel like we're ugly on the inside, we can change. We can work to effectively create change on the inside. So that's what we're about on Terror to Triumph. We're about facilitating the gap between Survivor and the help they need. You notice the numbers down at the bottom of the screen, they are facilitating that help. You can write the numbers down, put them in the journal, put them in the log, put them on your refrigerator. And whenever somebody does need the help, you'll have those numbers handy. There's also a couple of websites at the end of the script that's running. And those websites are actual links that you can go to to try to seek the help of a therapist. So, people, we are giving you the tools that you could use to actually help you along your journey. I want everybody to come out from underneath that veil of fear, guilt, shame, and regret to become the person God meant them to be, to be that person, to reclaim yourself, to experience the empowerment that God gave us as human beings by opening your mouth and breaking the silence. That's how you do it. That's how you reclaim your empowerment. That's how you take the power away from the people who have abused us, from the people who have hurt us. You know, we don't have to be silent. Okay. Storm, would you like to say any closing remarks?

SPEAKER_03 56:29

Nah, I'm good tonight. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 56:35

You're good every night, right? Well, Storm has a platform on TikTok, but she is migrating. I don't want to give her information away unless she's ready to give it away. But I will put that up here for our viewers.

SPEAKER_03 56:53

If you want to go visit her page on TikTok, you can do so with no more, no more TikTok. It's all the way to the city.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Okay, so you need to migrate Epic Studios. Okay, I would change this for the next show. Okay. I don't know exactly how to do that though, uh, for Epic. So that's some learning that I have to do. I got some homework now. Okay, so we thank you all for coming and viewing our show. If you have any comments, if you have any suggestions, if you have any questions, you can reach out to us at TerrorTetriumph. That's Terror, the number two Triumph at gmail.com and give us your uh thoughts there. Also, head on over to Pell Symporium, Peruse, and buy some merchandise to help support the show. Lastly, we now have subscriptions on our bus route platform. There are things that you guys are not starting to miss out on. We have our specials, we have our live QA's and our series that we have periodically, are only going to be available through our subscriptions. Shortly, our YouTube page will stop showing those as we go forward. So the ones in the past, I will leave there on Terror to Triumph on our YouTube platform. But going forward, those are not going to show anymore. So if you want to continue to stay in the loop and have our special guests andor greet our special guests and everything that's coming up, I want you guys to subscribe. The subscription is really cheap, it's only $10 a month, and you still have all the access that you need to get all the information you need for everything that you need. Okay. This has been Alfonso Pelt, your host. This has been my lovely co-host Storm, and this has been Terra the Triumph. We thank you again for joining us, and we will see you Tuesday. God bless y'all, and y'all have a safe weekend.