Childhood Neglect vs. Active Abuse: The Wounds of Being Unseen

Today, we're talking about something that's often invisible but deeply damaging: childhood neglect.

You might not have been hit. You might not have been yelled at. But you were ignored. You were unseen. You were left alone.

And that's a different kind of trauma. A quieter kind. But no less real.

Transcript

Welcome And Quick Housekeeping

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Now, if you're struggling with self-sabotage and you don't know where to start, here, right here on this podcast, we're doing self-sabotage.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Welcome, welcome to Terror to Triumph. I am your host, Alfonso Pelt, and my lovely co-host Storm will be here momentarily. We have a bit of a technical snaffu. So we will be getting to that shortly. But in the meantime, I would like to direct your attention to a couple of other things, if I may, if you guys don't mind. First of all, welcome to Terror to Triumph. Okay. But you know what? Terror to Triumph is, I know it's a cool name and a spot on for what this platform is, but for those of you, the regular viewers, I'm gonna just start calling this triple T to make it short, because Terror to Triumph can become a little cumbersome a little bit. So I will start calling this Triple T from now on. So there she is. Hi, how you doing, Storm? Good day, good night, good evening, rather. How you doing this evening?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

I'm okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Cool, cool, cool. I was a little worried there about how we got started. I was wondering if you was coming or not.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

It didn't come in. It just came in.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Oh, so the link wasn't working. It was just taking the sweet time, huh?

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah, I'm serious. I was like, when you asked me where you was, I was like, well, hell, I ain't got the link. I've been waiting on the link.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Oh, I had sent sent it on uh on an email, and I sent it also on a SMS message messages.

SPEAKER_00 3:08

No, I didn't, I didn't, but I tracked off my notification on my messages because it was it was uh draining my battery.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Okay, I get you. Hey Henry Sims, welcome to the show. Good evening. I appreciate you for joining us tonight. I just see we had our first comment of the night. So I just wanted to um say thank you for joining us tonight to that gentleman in Detroit. Appreciate you, sir. Oh, as I was saying, the name of this platform is still gonna be Terror to Triumph, but instead of saying the whole thing Terror to Triumph, I'm just gonna say Triple T. Okay, just to cut it short, just for speech sake, you know what I'm saying. So, fans, if if you hear me say triple T, I'm saying Terror to Triumph. It was just a little, it rolls off the tongue a little easier.

unknown 4:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 4:03

So from now on, triple T.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

Terror to Triumph is Triple T. Same thing. Okay. Now with that out the way, yeah, triple T. Okay. With that out the way, I am your host. And again, today with me is the beautiful Cole Storm. Okay. Excuse me. If you're watching this live stream broadcast, you're on YouTube.com backslash at TerrorToTriumph Live or Facebook.com backslash AlfonsoPell on my personal page. And lastly, you're watching this on twitch.tv backslash terror2. You could drop a comment, ask a question, suggestion, or simply tell us how you're feeling. You know, that's what we're here for. But today's

Childhood Neglect Defined

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topic, we're talking about something that's often invisible, but deeply damaging. We're talking about childhood neglect. You might not have been hit, you might not have been yelled at, but you were ignored, you were unseen, you were left alone. And that's a different kind of trauma. The quieter kind, but no less real. Stormy ready to get into it?

SPEAKER_00 5:23

Let's go.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Okay, let's talk about it. Neglect is the absence of care, okay? It's what doesn't happen. Active abuse is someone doing something harmful to you, hitting you, yelling at you, touching you inappropriately. But neglect is someone not doing what they should, okay? They're not feeding you, they're not comforting you, they're not seeing you, they're not being there, present with you. Here's the difference, okay? Active abuse says, I'm

Types Of Neglect Explained

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gonna hurt you, I'm gonna do something to you, physically or mentally, or verbally, or sexually. I'm I'm gonna hurt you. But neglect says you don't matter enough to me to care. Like you, go away. You bothering me. You're a hindrance to my life. That's the type of thing it is. Like, you don't matter in their world. That's neglect. Okay, these are the types of childhood neglect. I'm about to run the list off to you. There's physical neglect, and there's several types of that, like your basic needs aren't met, you're not being fed, you're not being clothed, nobody's monitoring your health or your or your schooling, they're not paying attention to your clothes, or if you even washed, you're not safe, you know. Nobody's protecting you. These are the things that fall under physical neglect. Now, emotional neglect, excuse me. My alarm is still going off. I don't know. It's it's late. I did start a little early, though. I started at 9.27 tonight because I wanted to get a jump on a gun. Hello, Mr. Sharesh Varma. Appreciate you for joining us tonight all the way from India. Bless you and your wife, sir. Thank you for joining us tonight. Emotional neglect is when your emotions are ignored. You cry, but nobody comforts you. You're scared, but nobody reassures you. You're sad, nobody asks what's wrong. You're excited, but nobody accelerates with you. You need support and there's nobody there. You feel like your feelings don't matter. Educational neglect, I hinted on that a little earlier. Your education isn't prioritized. Nobody makes sure you go to school. You just kind of left out there on your own. Make sure you pack your bags to go to school, then they out the door. They're going to work, but they're not making sure. They're not calling back, they're not saying getting a neighbor to make sure, you know, hey, check on my kid to see if they head out the door going to school. They're not calling to school to see if you made it there, those type of things. You know what I'm saying? Parents should be actively engaged in the whereabouts of their child. But if they don't care, it's just they can handle it. They on their own, they they good, but you're you're not there. So your child gets the feeling that they can do whatever they want. Does that sound familiar to some people? When you feel get the feeling like I'm gonna do whatever because no one's watching or caring about your whereabouts, and then you get the parents to wonder, like, why is my child acting up? You know, because you let your child do whatever the child wanted to do. You let the child be an adult before the child was an adult, and now the child is an adult child in your house challenging you on your level as an adult. So these are things you gotta think about. And then something might happen to the child at that, on top of that, because you wasn't paying attention. Okay, I digress. I'm gonna come back to my senses. I'm coming back to the show, coming back to the skit. Well, not skit, but I'm coming back to the script. So nobody makes sure you do your homework and nobody encourages your learning. Okay, your potential, your potential is ignored. Now that's a bad one. So nobody reassures you that you can do better. Nobody tells you you can do better. You believe that you can. You know, because you're not there. Or you as a child and you realize your parent really isn't aware because they're not checking on you. Okay, you have untreated infections, or you have chronic pain that goes undressed, or you're not vaccinated. Hmm. Your mental health needs go ignored. That's kind of like a key to this show. Okay. Psychological effect or neglect is your psychological needs are met. You're not given guidance or direction, you're not taught right from wrong, you're not given structure or boundaries, you're not encouraged to develop skills, and you're not prepared for life without any of that. So, excuse me, then you go into emotional abandonment. Okay, a parent is physically present, but emotionally absent. You know, you run amok or you're having problems, you fall in out crying, the parent just turned the TV up a little louder. That type of situation. Okay, they're there, but they're not really there. They're not paying attention to you. They're distracted, they're depressed, whatever the case is, they might be addicted, but they checked out mentally on you. Okay, you can't reach them emotionally. You try, you know, that was the part of you crying, having a temper temper tantrum, whatever, trying to get their attention, but there's no response, there's no emotional attachment there. So that emotional outburst that we had as children goes unchecked. Or I would venture to say it's the other way around, where the emotional response is anger. So you might be feeling sad, and your parent might say, shut the fuck up. And you don't get your needs addressed at all, but it's not about that. They just don't want to hear you crying no more, even though they don't know what's going on with you. That's that's tough one. So if you can't reach them emotionally, then you can't connect with them. There's a disconnect. You know, you're like this, misfiring. Like we so-called people who like to work on cars like to say about cars, and then the engine misfires, the spark plug isn't sparking, so the gas isn't getting ignited in the chamber. Same thing. You're there, you're the gas, you're ready to be ignited with knowledge, with care, with love, but the parent is misfiring, and they're not giving you the electric charge that you need to push on and go forward. So you're alone even when you're in the same room. Here's what's important to understand, okay? Neglect can happen alongside active abuse, can happen at the same time. That's what I hinted on a little earlier, you know. You could be reaching out for attention, for affection, and you could be cold cut off with a backhand. Now, a lot of us men receive that type of abuse as children because we're taught you need to man up, you need to grow some balls. You you need to cut all that crying out. Ain't nothing wrong with you. Shut all that crying up. Toughen up. These type of things. We're human though. We're we we have emotions too, men have emotions too, but we've been taught to stifle those. And doing so creates a whole nother ball of problems. But this is our society telling us what we as men should be, as kids. Okay, so uh you can be hit and neglected, you can be yelled at and emotionally abandoned. Neglect can also hand handle itself on its own, it can happen on its own without any act of abuse, just absence, just invisibility, just not mattering.

The Hidden Impact On Identity

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Side sidebar note, right quick. I knew a young lady. She uh I think this was back in high school, if I'm if I'm not mistaken. Forgive me for my uh ancient days and try to remember the past, but this this young lady was astute. She was very smart. She was getting all A's and stuff like that. But her parents were like non-existent. Because she was so smart, they was like, she could be autonomous, she can do whatever she wants to do. We know she's gonna take care of herself. She's smart enough to handle whatever she needs to handle. We ain't gotta worry about it no more. Really? If she would tell me things about how she wished she had that affection, she don't have it. She was getting A's to get the affection, the affection. But her parents were non-existent, they were there, but they weren't. You know, as a child, I mean, you don't have the wherewithal to handle something like that. You're abandoned emotionally. So the impact of neglect, when you're neglected, you learn I don't matter. You also feel that your needs aren't important. Like I'm not worthy of somebody caring about me, or I have to take care of myself. How about I can't trust anybody to be there for me? I gotta do it all on my own. Or that love means being left alone. I've heard men say, I've heard this quite often, a man say, How can you be all up under your wife? I'm not I'm not making this up. A man, I've heard men had a com conversation saying, How can you be under your wife 24-7? I need to get away from my wife. They literally told me this. They said I can't be around my wife all the time. It's too much. There's a component that this is addressing tonight that men do not have. We are capable of having it, but we've been taught not to have it. To be able to communicate, to be able to sit down and talk and not feel like, oh, this is too much. This is too much pressure. That's part of what this is. Love means being left alone. I need to be alone. She understands she loved, I love her, but I just need to be. That's where the man cave comes from, because I need my own space to get away from my wife. Because she's getting on my nerves, or this, that, and the other. But I still love her, you know, but I can't be with her. This unevenness in our psyche with the people that we love. This is what it's deriving from. Okay? Okay, I'm gonna go forward. So ultimately, you feel like I'm invisible. Nobody sees me. I don't matter. I'm not, I'm not even, and it's like I'm walking around like a ghost, can't nobody see me. So these beliefs get embedded in your nervous system, they become your baseline. You, your, your, your normal mode of operation, which is what I just hinted on earlier. They shape everything, they relate to you yourself, they relate to how you relate to others and how you move through the world. I just told you all that. I just mentioned that to you before I read this. I mean, I know it because I'm a man. I've I've experienced it, but when when we say stuff is real, we try to give y'all this information to help y'all deal on a day-to-day basis, deal with your trauma, deal with PTSD, deal with depression, deal with all the other components that we might be dealing with as a side effect of childhood trauma. These is actual things. These are really things that mess people up. And they might not even know that they're messed up behind. They're thinking it's the norm. Like it just said. We feel like it's normal. This is the way it's supposed to be. We're supposed to beat on our kids. We supposed to tell our kids to toughen up, to man up, to grow some balls. I mean, you don't tell kids that because they don't understand the concept. But we tell the kids that anyway. We tell the kids that, and the kids feel like their emotions don't matter. Bam. If my emotions don't matter, then I will be emotionless as I move through life. Do you understand what that means? That means I'm not connecting with people. For the ladies out there, if a man is not connecting with you, right? This is what y'all's main complaint is. Men don't want to talk, men only want to jump in the bed. That's all a man knows. He's been taught not to learn anything else. Okay, I digress. Going back to the topic, the insidious part of neglect is with the act of abuse, you know something's wrong, right? You know you're being hurt, but with neglect, you might Not realize this abuse. You might not even think that something is happening. You might think it's normal. You might even think it's your fault. Maybe I'm not worth caring for. I've had those thoughts as a child. Maybe I'm too much trouble. Maybe this is just how families are. I didn't have that last one. My thoughts were I believe I'm adopted. Because families can't function like this. I I will not believe that normal families live like this. That was my thought process. But my thought process might not be the same for everybody because everybody has different circumstances. But in the interim of neglect, you blame yourself. You don't even realize you're being harmed. Okay? The silence of neglect. Active abuse comes with noise, screaming, yelling, violence. Neglect is quiet. It's the absence of sound. The absence of attention. The absence of presence. That silence can be deafening. It could be more damaging than words. I know it. I lived through that. I begged my parents for attention. They thought I was just spazzing out. I like something was wrong with me. But they gave the attention to, as we stated in the past episode, they gave their attention to the golden child. They would buy me presents, but it felt like the presents was just to pacify me. So I would destroy the presents because I didn't want, I wanted the presents, don't get me wrong, the little gifts or whatever. I did want them, but I wanted the attention more. I wanted the affection more. When I felt I wasn't getting it, those toys got it. Yeah. So neglect is abuse. It's a form of abuse, and it deserves to be named and healed. And it can be healed. And I'm gonna hand it on over to my co-host Storm. Thank you patiently for waiting for me.

Storm On The Wounds Neglect Leaves

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The Pacific wounds of the lick. Let's talk about the Pacific wounds that comes from being neglected. The womb of invisibility. You were in the room, but nobody saw you. You had needs, but nobody noticed. You had feelings, but nobody cared. You learned I'm invisible. I don't matter. I'm not worth seeing. As an adult, you might feel like you're going to switch up and someone's paying attention to you. Struggle with self-work. Be invisible in relationships, your needs get overlooked. Seek attention in unhealthy ways. Feel like you're not enough. The wombs of abandonment. You need someone to be there for you, and they wouldn't. You learn people leave. People aren't there. I can't rely on anyone. As an adult, you might have intense fear of abandonment. Push people away from before they can leave you. Stay in relationships that don't deserve you. Fear out of being alone. Have difficult trusting. Feel like you're always going to be left. The wombs of unmet needs. Your needs were met, so you learn to ignore them. You learn my needs don't matter. I should ask for help. I shouldn't ask for help. I should just take care of myself. As an adult, you might not know what you need. Feel guilty asking for help. Be self-reliant to a fault. Struggle to receive care. Feel like you have to do everything alone. The wombs of shame. You're the neglect. You're the doubt. There must be something wrong with me, otherwise, they would care. You learned I'm not worthy of love. I'm not good enough. There is something fundamentally wrong with me. As an adult, you might have deep shame about who you are, feel unloved, struggle with self-esteem, feel like you don't deserve good things, sabotage your own happiness. The wound of disconnect. You weren't emotionally connected to your caregiver, so you learned to disconnect from yourself. You learned emotions are dangerous. Connection is risky. As an adult, you might have difficult feeling emotions, disassociate, feel disconnected from your body, struggle with intimacy, have trouble being vulnerable. The womb of self-abandonment. If your parents abandon you emotionally, you learn to abandon yourself. You learn, I'm not worthy taking care of, I don't deserve kindness. As an adult, you might neglect your own needs, not take care of your body, not pursue your dreams, not set boundaries, treat yourself the way you were treated. The wounds are hyper-independence. You had to take care of yourself. So you learn to rely on no one. You learned I have to do something, have to do everything myself. I can't trust anyone. I have to be strong. As an adult, you might have difficulty asking for help. Feel like you have to do something, struggle to delegate, burn out constantly, feel exhausted and alone. The womb of emptiness. Struggle with meaning and purposes, feel lost, seek eternal validation to fill the void, feel something's missing. These wounds are real and they're different from the wounds of active abuse. With acting abuse, you know you're hurt with the lick, you might not even realize you're being harmed. Alphonse, back to you.

How Neglect Creates Hyper-Independence

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Like I felt the difficulty asking for help. I felt that I had to struggle to delegate things and I burned out constantly. I felt exhausted and alone. It was like it was like I was struggling. You know what I'm saying? It was a lot I didn't know. A lot about self-care. I didn't know. A lot about, I mean, I knew I need to jump in the tub and wash. Okay. But nobody was telling me how, you know, I need to take care of my hair, you know, what how to properly take care of my teeth. Oh, you need to brush your teeth. Okay. Nobody said nothing about flushing or using mouthwash or uh nobody mentioned anything about uh how you should take care of your hair, you know. Even though when I was little, before I was able to, you know, take care of those things, you know, when I grew up enough to take care of myself to that extent, I really didn't know how to maintain. I wasn't cutting my own hair, you know what I'm saying? I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to get waves in my head, I didn't know how to properly style my hair. I didn't I didn't know none of that. So I was running around ragged, you know what I'm saying? But these are the things that happened from neglect. You know, I wanted my hair to be nice, but I didn't know how to get it there. I didn't have any money. You know, my parents, we were poor. So it wasn't like, you know, we could afford me going to the barbershop all the time. You know, dad, I don't know why dad wasn't trying to cut my hair on a regular basis, but he wasn't doing it. You know, and I started learnt trying to learn how to do it on my own. He had a pair of clippers and he wasn't doing it. So I started learning on my own head. That's a whole nother story. But that's all about neglect for real, though. You trying to do everything for yourself. And you feel like you can't depend on the people you were supposed to depend on. So that stuff, all that stuff resonated real tough with me. So I'm I'm a I'm gonna I'm gonna back up off of that and I'm gonna continue with the with the with the show. So forgive me for that for a second. But that was bringing back, that was triggering, bringing back a lot of stuff as you talked about it. Um okay, okay. Sorry, I'm starting I was starting to disconnect just then. I was okay. I gotta get back in the present.

Healing Steps And Daily Self-Check-Ins

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Okay, healing from neglect is learning to see yourself, okay? To care for yourself, to matter to yourself. You have to name the neglect. Like what is the thing that's causing you to step away from yourself? This is hard because neglect is often invisible, but you have to name it. You have to find out what that thing is, and you have to say what it is, you have to give structure to the thing that's your stumbling block so you can move that structure out the way. Okay? So you can say I was neglected. Okay, now you put a name to it. I was neglected. Now you can work on it. Okay, if you don't name it, you stay in fear of it, you stand back, it's gonna own you. You want your empowerment back, you have to name it. You have to reclaim yourself. That's the only way to do it. Ah, open your mouth. You have to open your mouth. You hear it said so much in churches, there's power in the tongue, words spoken, because the breath of life is in you when you speak, things move in the universe. I want to live, I want to have a beautiful life. I want to stop being afraid. Why are you afraid? Name the scene. I'm afraid because I was abused as a child. Now I can work past it. You see what I'm saying? But if I say that's in the past, I'm not dealing with it, you'll never, you'll never get to the level you were supposed to be at. You'll remain stuck forever. Don't do that to yourself. Okay. So you can say my emotional needs weren't met, or I was always left alone, or I felt like I didn't matter. I was invisible to everybody. It's okay to name it, giving the thing that has power over you a name allows you to remove it from you. You cannot let it fester. Naming it makes it real, and you can't heal the things without a name. You can't do it. So, step two, acknowledge the impact. How did the neglect affect you? What beliefs did you develop? What patterns did you see? Be specific and be honest. You you the only one that suffered this in your own body. You have to do this. You have to be honest about it. If you're not honest about it, don't expect yourself to heal. You're you're trying to teach yourself at that point. You gotta face it. You gotta face your demons. That's what that means. You literally have to face it. You can't run from you. You're you. That's like having a mirror on the side of you while you're on the track. You're trying to run from it. It's still gonna be right there. Watching you run. Watching you get tired. That mirror is not gonna get tired, though. It's gonna be right there when you stop and you trying to catch your breath. It's gonna be right there. It's time to break that mirror, y'all. Okay. Moving on. You have to grieve what you didn't have. Okay? You didn't have a parent who saw you. You didn't have someone who cared for you. You didn't have safety and comfort. Those are real losses. And they deserve to be grieved too. Matter of fact, that's gonna be next Saturday's episode. Because we we say this, but I want y'all to have a process to grieving, okay? I don't want y'all to just say, okay, I had to grieve this, but for survivors, grieving takes on a whole different concept because we don't grieve, okay? Because we we push things away or we get numbed to things we don't grieve. We don't grieve like everybody else does. So that's gonna be next week's episode. I'm I'm gonna bring that to y'all. I'm I'm gonna make an episode for y'all for that, okay? But you survive by coming becoming self-reliant, by disconnecting, by ignoring your needs, putting everybody else first. Don't that sound like something we've been saying repeatedly over and over again in these episodes? Disconnecting, disassociating, you can't sit in anymore, or you remove yourself from the equation, you don't hang around people, you isolate, sound familiar? I'm just saying, if we keep saying things that seem to tie into each other over and over again, it's not just because we're being repetitive, it's because these things are actually tied together.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Okay.

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Your mind is such a wonderful thing, it protects you when you're going through such an adverse time without you even knowing it's protecting you. And that protection stays in place because you haven't learned how to come out of the protection mode. So now you have to practice compassion for that child that was lost to the neglect. Your inner child, I'm talking about. I'm talking about your inner child, what you went through, and for how that child had to survive. Okay, you have to learn to see yourself, okay? Because nobody else was looking at you, nobody else was paying attention to you. You have to acknowledge you. I do matter, I do exist, I am here, I am present. You have to say that to yourself. This is the core work, okay? Learning to notice yourself, your needs, your feelings, your worth. You have to practice checking in with yourself throughout the day. How am I feeling? Am I alright? What do I need right now? Am I thirsty? Am I hungry? Did I eat today? Do I feel lonely? Do I need to talk to somebody? You have to check. You have to keep constant monitoring yourself. Your needs are valid, they are important. They're your needs. You need this stuff. Your body needs it. Your mind needs it. Your heart needs it. You need it. You gotta notice your emotions without judgment. You get angry. Damn, why I get angry? I'm such a wolf. Don't don't judge yourself. It's quite possible there is a real reason for you to get angry. And your feelings are valid too. So don't discount your feelings. And once you do something and you accomplish that goal, no matter how small it is, celebrate it. You noticed how you was feeling, and you didn't let it depress you, depress you. That's a win to me. You you were getting to a place where you started to feel lonely, and instead of just isolating, you said, Let me calm, let me call my boy up, you know, holler at him for a minute. That's a win. I don't care how small it is, you're breaking the process. That's what we need to do. We got to practice self-care as self-love. It's an act of love. Loving yourself is not selfish. Okay. I'm not talking about being zane. I'm not talking about sitting in the mirror for 20 hours putting on makeup or being in the mirror putting on clothes and spraying yourself with cologne. I'm not talking about that. That's vanity. That that's that's over and beyond. What I'm talking about is normal self-care. Did you bathe today? Did you brush your teeth? Did you floss? Did you eat? Not just one time. Did you eat proper meals all throughout the day? Did you drink enough water? Self-care is not selfish, it's self-love. Okay. Okay. So get sleep. Move your body. Get exercise. Drink water. Eat nourishing food. Eat good, healthy meals. Don't just eat a burger. You know, something that's gonna make you have to work harder to get it off. Eat some salad. Eat some greens. Eat some. Eat some storm could tell you better than I could what you should and should not eat. But I'm just saying, I'm just saying, there there are things out there that you can eat that's a lot more healthy than just going to the fast food joint and grabbing something there. Fried foods and all that stuff. You don't have to eat fried foods all the time. You can eat baked foods. You know what I'm saying? You could season and and make some chicken soup. You know what I'm saying? You ain't gotta eat fried, fried, fried fries, French fries, tater tots, chicken nuggets, chicken sandwich. You know, if it's not grilled, you know what I'm saying? What are we eating? You know what I'm saying? On the reel. Folks, be honest with yourself. I'm eating all this pasta and stuff. You know, all the pasta ain't good for you either. Right? Nourishing meals, something your body actually needs. The talk is going around about electric foods. We're not talking about GMOs and all that stuff right now. We're talking about foods God put on this earth that man has not adulterated, modified. You know, those foods, those foods that actually give us the nutrients our bodies need to heal ourselves, to make ourselves whole. Feed yourself nourishing foods. Okay. I already said take a bath, take a bath. Get your nasty butt in the tub. Okay, no, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. But on the real tip, yeah, wash yourself. Don't feel like you you you feel bad because you're taking care of yourself. That's not nothing to feel bad about. That's the past telling you that you're putting too much effort into yourself. That's what that is. And you could break that habit. That's that's easy one to break. So these acts of self-love, these are acts of self-love towards yourself. Okay.

Choosing People Who Truly Show Up

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You have to build healthy relationships. You have to surround yourself with people who see you, not just people who just there. You know, because you can have people around you and they really don't care about your well-being. Case in point, real quick, the people at your job. People could be at your job but not really care about your well-being. They could just be there for a paycheck. They're not interested. So they don't have to be interested. But the people you choose to let into your personal life, make sure they have an investment. Make sure they're invested in you, not what you have, not what you can give them, not what you can offer them, not your body, not your money, not your time. If they can't just deal with you, just your presence, just your personality, you don't need to be around those people. If they case, you keep saying, you need to take me out to the to the mall, you need to take me out to a restaurant, you need to take me out shopping, you need to take me out to the club, you need to take me out to get drinks, you need to take, if it's that type of person where that's all they want to do is make you spend or make you invest time in things you don't want to do that you're not interested in, you have to stay away from those people. You need people who are going to be invested in your well-being. If somebody calls and says, Have you eaten today? Not just, what's up? You alright? What you doing today? Let's go to the movies. No, no, no, I ain't talking about them people. And people, the people I'm talking about don't care about hanging out like that, spending money. The people I'm talking about is cool with just coming over, chilling, watching TV, making sure you're okay. That's the people I'm talking about. They don't even come over, they just won't chill, they'll talk to you on the phone for hour, half hour, whatever, make sure you're in the right state of mind. You need to stay around those types of people. Okay. Okay, so wow, I talked all of it up. So do they care about you? Do they show up? Are they present in your life when when you need them? Do they see you? Do they ask about you? Do they remember what matters to you? If you tell them something that's important to you or something that you're going through, and they disregard what you tell them and still keep asking you for stuff or things or your time when you know you're going through something and you don't really have it to give, those ain't the people I'm talking about. Those are the people I'm telling you not to be around. Okay. So, if not, that's information. Okay. You might need to find some different people. And that's okay. It's okay. It's okay to cut somebody off if they're not being there for you. If they're always expecting something from you but never giving anything back, that's okay to move on. You don't feel guilty about that. Okay. Reparent yourself. Now, this is powerful word. You get to give yourself what you didn't get as a child. You get to comfort yourself when you're scared. You get to celebrate yourself when you succeed. You get to take care of yourself when you feel sick, right? You believe in yourself. You know you can. I can do this. I'm better than this. I'm stronger than this. I will excel at this. I'm going to learn this. You become the parent that you need. Transition, right? Yeah. Reclaim your visibility. You matter, your needs matter, your feelings matter, your existence matters. You're not invisible. You're here. You're real. You're worthy. And you're watching this. So I know you're getting this because I care. I'm one of those people you should be hanging around. I'm one of those people who's gonna see if you're okay. I call and check in on you or make sure you are right. I'm one of those people. I'm always gonna ask, how was your day? And if it wasn't all that great, I'm gonna ask you, what happened? You know, I'm not one of those people that's how was your day? Man, I had a rough day today. Oh, that's that's man, that's bad. Well, this is what happened to me today. You don't disregard what somebody when they tell you, you ask them what they're going through, and then you turn around and say, Oh, well, I had these problems. That's not somebody who's really genuinely interested in your care, in your health, in your well-being. You need to eliminate that ASAP, okay? I'm telling you from experience, prior, past, and present. Okay? I've gotten to this place because I had to learn a hard way who not to be around. And I mean the hardest of hard ways. I went to prison because I was hanging around certain individuals. I shouldn't have been hanging around, and I learned a lifestyle I never should have been learning how to live. But that's for another story. That's why we on here, you should be asking me questions about that. But since you haven't, I'm not gonna tell you until you ask. So we're gonna keep moving. Okay. The truth, neglect taught you that you don't matter, but that's a lie from the pit of hell. Okay, you do matter, you always have. And healing is about learning to believe that. So Storm, you wanna I'm gonna I'm gonna put it in your hands. These these little questions we got listed here. Do you want to ask me any one of them? Don't don't go easy on me either.

Neglect In Adult Love And Self-Sabotage

SPEAKER_00 53:07

How you know how does the leg show up in your adult relationship?

SPEAKER_01 53:16

Neglect showing up in my adult relationships from my past as I had been neglected, neglect would show up, I would say. A in my fear that they would leave me. That would be the biggest one. I'm always afraid that the relationship won't last. Like something's gonna happen and the person is going to leave me. And from past experiences, that's been true. But it's also been true that I was self-sabotaging those relationships and I pushed the person away, so I cause my worst fears to be true. That's a form of neglect that manifested in my adult life. How did neglect feel different though? Oh, no, just how did it affect show up in my adult relationships? Always wanting affection or wanting attention. When you're in a relationship with a person that's not used to giving you attention or affection on a constant basis, it kind of feels like neglect, right? So it makes you it makes you automatically think, what you got going on on the side? You you must be cheating. You doing something because where is your attention at? I mean, you come home, you ain't, you ain't really laying on me, you ain't talking to me really, you you just get on the phone and talk to your friends. That don't sound like somebody who really invested in me. So now I'm wondering, are you cheating? You know, so now I'm questioning the relationship, I'm questioning the validity of it, I'm questioning why I'm here. So these are all things that I've experienced personally and I've done personally in relationships because I didn't know that those things were hindering me in my relationships. I didn't know that the neglect was coming back to act in my adult life as abandonment issues and things like that. So it's it's a it's a hmm. So that's why I always say that well, I used to say that communication was the key, but I didn't really realize what true communication was in the first place because I was self-sabotaging. You know, it took me all the way up until my last marriage to really learn that at the end, when it was already too late to do anything, to be what I what I call full disclosure, to open up all the way and tell everything about the nasty, the good, the bad, whatever, and put yourself in a very vulnerable situation, open, hoping that someone would say, Well, okay, I could work with that. You know, but you laying yourself like out on the platter, you know what I'm saying? Like a like a fish ready to be consumed. You bear, you raw, you know what I'm saying? All your emotions, everything is out there, your nerves on edge because you're wondering, is this person gonna dump me because I told her all this? You know what I'm saying? So, whoo, it's it's it's a it's a hard thing to do, very hard thing to do. But if you do it, and the person says, Yes, I can deal with that, I will still try to work with you with that. We can try to make this work. That will be the most wonderful feeling in the world. And I mean, even for people who haven't suffered childhood trauma, if you could be open and honest to a person, your significant other, on that level, and if both of y'all could be that open, y'all's relationship would go straight to another level so quick. So let me ask you one. What would you tell someone who's neglected?

Getting Help And Using Real Resources

SPEAKER_00 58:16

Well, anybody that's neglected, I would just point them that, you know, they have to get some derpy help, you know, because I'm not qualified, you know, to really help. You know, I can tell them what I've been through. I know I wouldn't tell them that they can get over it because it's always gonna be in the back of your head. It's gonna be something that you continue to process day for day. So, yes, I would tell them, you know, to reach out and get help, you know, get derpy help. Because if you don't reach out to get the help that you need, you're gonna continue to go through whatever you're thinking or whatever you're experiencing, and you need someone, you know, or either, you know, because you don't you can't just say talk to someone that's been through it, because if I haven't been through what they're experiencing, then I would have to point them in a direction that's a derivatives.

SPEAKER_01 59:09

I give you kudos for that answer because that's one of my tenets. How can you receive the healing that you need if the person you're trying to get the healing from has not been through what you've experienced? That's like a doctor who hasn't studied the body saying that they're gonna open you up and perform surgery. How can you heal me, bro? You don't even know what you're going in looking for. It's that type of situation. So while me and Storm ourselves always say on our platform, we are not therapists, we are not psychologists or psychiatrists, we are survivors, and we are telling you from the point of survivors the type of help that you need. That's why we always put these numbers down here on the bottom of the screen. So you can call these numbers if you need the help right now. Call 988 for the Crisis and Suicide Help line, Lifeline. You know, all this stuff. The the websites right here to show up at the end of that tick ticker. Those websites can give you EMDR or other modality, specially trained therapists who specializes in trauma therapy. So we're giving you the resources, the things that you need, the tools you need. We're telling you on this podcast about all this stuff that you do you probably experienced. You know, for those of you who have experienced this type of thing, we're talking about all of it. Putting out there, we're telling you from our own experience. We're trying to connect the dots, get you from here to here, from suffering to help, from pain to healing. We're trying to make the connection for you. We can't do it for you, but we can give you the tools to get there. Okay? So, Storm, do you want to say anything? Oh, may God bless you. I saw it coming. God bless you. Do you want to say anything?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

No, I'm good. I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:28

Oh, okay. Storm used to be on TikTok, and now she's on Epic. What's the name? Epic Studios. And what's your name over there now on Epic Studios?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:40

It's still Diamondo. It's still Diamond.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:44

Okay. Okay, so it's Diamond on Epic Studios. If you want to go over there, follow her. She still does the same thing she used to do on TikTok. She gives you a little bit of exercise, a little bit of know-how, and then she tells you about herbal remedies and healing things. And then she tells talks about surviving trauma and helping people find the healing on her platform. And I so thank you, as I always do. I thank you for being my co-host on this show. You are a welcome and God sent audition. I honestly appreciate you for being here for real, for real. So, with that being said, we are about to close out this

One Self-Care Act And Closing

SPEAKER_01 1:02:26

show. I want you guys this week to try to practice one act of self-care, okay? One way of seeing yourself, one way of saying, I matter. Okay, your needs are valid. You deserve to be seen. Nobody else sees you. I see you. Storm sees you. We see you. See yourself. Okay? Now, if you subscribe to our show, you will see, we will see you Tuesday on Terra to Triumph live, 9.30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Facebook, Facebook, Twitch, and YouTube for our interactive QA session. Don't miss out. We're going over, don't miss out on going over to pelsemporium.com to support the podcast. I also wanted to mention to you guys that Pell Symporium wants everyone to know that we are all beautiful and that Triple T is supported by Pell Symporium. Every triple T branded purchase helps keep this podcast going, these conversations continuing. So swing by www.pelsymporium.com to purchase and wear the healing that actually supports other survivors connect the dots. You were neglected. That's real. That was abuse. And you can heal from it. You matter and you always have. And it's tar this time, past time to start believing that. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your honesty. Alfonso Pelt, this is Storm. Thanks for being a part of building this community and keep moving forward. We love you and we'll see you Tuesday.