"Grieving Childhood Abuse: Mourning Lost Innocence and Trust"

Grief after childhood abuse isn’t just crying over the past. It’s the daily weight of what got stolen, the nervous system that never learned safety, and the quiet question that keeps showing up: what would my life have been if none of this happened?

We walk through the real losses survivors carry, including innocence, trust, safety, identity, healthy connection, time, and potential. Storm breaks down what grief can look like when trauma is the cause, from anger and sadness to denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, plus the physical signs that show up in the body like tightness, nausea, fatigue, and that bottled-up feeling in your chest.

Then we get practical. We talk about naming the loss clearly, creating space to feel without judgment, and finding healthy ways to express grief through journaling, movement, art, and safe release. We also dig into why you shouldn’t have to grieve alone, how to choose people who can truly hold space, and how healing becomes possible when the trauma is part of your story but not your whole identity. If self-sabotage and hypervigilance are patterns you recognize, this conversation gives language and steps you can start using right now.

If this helps, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more survivors can find Terror To Triumph. Where are you listening from, and what’s one loss you’re ready to name?

Transcript

Technical Glitches And Welcome Back

SPEAKER_04 0:20

If you're struggling with self-sabotage and you don't know where to start, I guess.

SPEAKER_07 1:28

Oh my God.

SPEAKER_02 1:45

Okay, so we have technical difficulties at this time, but welcome to Terror to Trump um, you know, and we're doing we're going live, so we're still gonna do this grieving childhood abuse and moaning loss, innocent and trust. So we're gonna try to we say welcome, you know, to Terror to Trump um.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Today we're talking about Hello everyone. I apologize for what's going on tonight. I am trying to fix some technical difficulties with me and my guest Storm. Hopefully, she will use the link to come back.

SPEAKER_05 2:47

I will leave her spot open so she can join us shortly. I am Afonso Pelt. I am your host for this evening. Hopefully, Storm can come back on in a few seconds. I have sent the invite to her. She could use the same invite to get back to the studio.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

So if you're listening, please do so. Thank you. There you go. Yes, awesome.

SPEAKER_05 3:21

Yeah, God is gonna make us have this stall show continue. We're not gonna stop. Yep, the enemy is trying to get us to put this down, but no, we're not allowing that to happen. So, welcome again to Terror the Triumph, everybody. Apologize about the technical difficulties, but we are back up and running. And if you see me sniffling, please forgive me. My nose is running. It's been raining all week and cold. So I've been fighting off trying to get sick. So please forgive me for that. I'm Afonso Peltis, my lovely co-host Storm, and this is Tara the Triumph. We thank you for joining us tonight. How are you doing tonight, Storm?

SPEAKER_02 4:06

I'm fine, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 4:10

Good, good to hear. How was your week?

SPEAKER_02 4:14

It was like very busy.

SPEAKER_05 4:20

Yeah, I agree. So was mine. But it's Easter weekend, it's good Friday. Most of us have the night off tonight. And for those of us who do not have the night off, we wish you a happy good Friday and resurrection weekend. Happy Easter to everybody else. As we go on, we're live to Tear the Triumph live on our YouTube page. That's our YouTube channel. And you can check us out also on our fake on my Facebook page. My personal Facebook page is Alfonso Pelt on Facebook. So, with that being said, you can also check us out on Twitch. We're on Twitch now, live broadcasting. And if you want to check us out on our podcast, you can go to buzzsprout.com, look up Dare to Triumph. As you can see, I got the logo on my shirt. She got the hoodie on. And that comes from our website, PeltSymporium.com. We have branded merchandise that you can purchase and where to show everybody that you supported the podcast to keep the conversations going, to help victims of childhood abuse learn more about themselves, learn more about their environment, and come out from underneath the veil of guilt, fear, and shame.

Why Survivors Must Grieve Loss

SPEAKER_05 5:34

So today we're talking about something that's essential but often skipped over.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

We're talking about grieving.

SPEAKER_05 5:46

Grieving, you can look at it maybe you thinking about, you know, funerals and things like that. But when you talk about grieving, that's an emotion, a state of being where you're you're you're reckoning with the loss of something. This is the loss of our innocence, our trust, our sense of safety, and the childhood itself. Okay, so those losses need to be mourned, they need to be grieved. This isn't a happy conversation to have tonight, okay? It's a necessary one. Storm, you ready to go?

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 6:37

As you can see, I had to take a deep breath for a minute there. Because if you were with us last Saturday, I told you all, because we kept mentioning you have things that you need to grieve, they have to be grieved, but we didn't tell you what the grieving process was tonight. That's what we're going through.

Naming What Abuse Took Away

SPEAKER_05 6:57

So before we can grieve, we have to name what we lost. We talked about that last week. When you experience childhood abuse, you don't just lose the moment, you lose entire categories of things, okay? Innocence is the belief that the world is safe, that people are good, that you're protected. That abuse that you suffered shatters that. It's anything but that people can and will hurt you, that you're not protected at all, not even by the ones you sought to love you. Okay. So you lose the ability to see the world with wonder, with trust, with openness. You become hyper-aware. That means you become hyper-vigilant, you're suspicious, you're defensive. That's a loss. That's a loss of innocence, okay? And trust is the foundation of all relationships. If you can't trust somebody, you don't even want to be around them. You can't trust them because they can invite harm into your presence, into your surroundings, into your calmness environment, into your space of safety. So if you can't trust a person, then that eliminates the relationship right there, period. There's nothing to build on. So it's the belief that people will be there for you, that they won't hurt you, that they can be relied on. When that person who's supposed to protect you abuses you, that's when the trust shatters. Okay. We learn people can't be trusted. We learn love is a weapon, we learn safety is an illusion. As an adult, we struggle to trust. Even for the people who haven't suffered childhood abuse, suffer to trust, but it's extra on us because we suffered early abuse. So we're always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always braced for the moment of betrayal. That's a loss, a loss of trust, okay? Childhood is supposed to be a time of play, time of exploration, a time to be taken care of, of not having to worry about survival. But if you're abused, you don't get that. You're hyper-vigilant, talked about that a few minutes ago. You're managing emotions, which is something you shouldn't have to do as a child. You're protecting yourself and others, or others, it could be either or you're in survival mode. You don't get to be a kid. That's gone. That's a loss. It's a loss of childhood itself. And safety is the foundation of development. If you feel safe, you feel the ability to do things, to stretch out, to learn about things around you in your environment. When you feel safe, you can grow, you can learn, you can become. But abuse creates a constant threat, and your nervous system is always activated. So you're always scanning for danger. You don't get to feel safe in your own home, in your own body in the world. That's a loss of safety, y'all. Your identity is supposed to be a thing that's developed naturally, okay? You explore, you discover who you are, you become yourself. But abuse interrupts that you become defined by the abuse you received, by survival, by coping. You don't get to discover who you are. Instead, you become who you have to be to survive. That's a loss of natural identity development. Healthy relationships are supposed to be safe. But if you're abused, you learn that closeness equals danger.

SPEAKER_01 11:55

You might lose relationships with your siblings, with extended family, with friends. You might have relationships that are damaged by that abuse, by the patterns you've learned, right?

SPEAKER_05 12:15

So the loss of healthy connections is that. Then you can lose time. And healing takes time, right? Processing takes time, recovery takes time. You lose years, decades. If you watch the intro to our podcast, like I have, if you remember that phrase, I went decades before I started seeking help. That's a loss of time. Time that could have been spent building or creating or loving. Instead, I'm spending it trying to heal myself from the wounds, or you're trying to spend your time trying to heal from the wounds that you didn't cause.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

That's a grievous loss of time, y'all.

SPEAKER_05 13:11

And abuse interrupts development, as we spoke a minute ago. It affects your brain, it affects your nervous system, your ability to learn and grow, you might not reach your full potential. You might not become who you could have been. That's a loss of potential. If you don't have the time, the space, the safety to think about things that you want to be interested in, and instead you have to focus on protecting yourself because of a constant threat, then you you lose. That's a loss loss. Development becomes a non-essential element. If your parent abused you, okay, you didn't just lose safety, but you lost the parent you needed. I needed mama, but I lost her at the same moment. You might still have a parent, but you don't have the parent that protects you, who loves you unconditionally, who has your back. That's that's a loss of the parent you needed, right? This is the big one right here. Okay, hold on, let me get my earbud right. Okay, you be laughing at me. Okay, let's see. I'll make sure. Can you hear me still? Okay. I didn't know if I had cut the mic off, but this is a big one. Okay, so if you haven't been abused, right, your life would have been different. You might have different relationships, a different career, or a different state of mental health. Different everything. You grieve the life you could have had, the person you could have become. That's a loss of an eternal alternate life. Because you always think about what things would have been like had that not happened. What what direction would your life had gone in? The opportunities you could have received, the opportunities you turned down because of the fear that you had. That's a lot. That's something that constantly weighs on us survivors. These losses are real, and they deserve to be grieved. So with that being said, Storm is going to take over the next portion, which is what grief looks like for abuse survivors.

What Grief Feels Like

SPEAKER_05 16:14

Storm?

SPEAKER_02 16:15

Yeah, what grief looks like for abuse survivors, grief is not linear, it's not something you do once you're done. Grief is a process, and for abuse survivors, it's complicated. Grief is anger. You anger that this happened to you, anger that at the person who hurt you, angry at the people who didn't protect you, anger yourself for surviving the way you did. Anger is grief. It is a rage of loss. Grief is sadness. You cry, you feel the weight of what you lost, you feel the unfairness of it all. You sad for the child you were, for the innocence you lost, for the life you could have had. Sadness is grief, it's tears of loss. Grief is denial. Sometimes you can't accept the loss. So you pretend you didn't it didn't happen. You minimize it. You tell yourself it wasn't that bad. I have. Denies grief. It's the mind's way of protecting you from overwhelming pain. Grief is bargaining. You think if only I had done something different, if only I had told someone, if only I had been stronger. You tried to negotiate with the past to change what happened. Bargaining is grief. It's different wish to undo the loss. Grief is depression, been there. You feel numb, empty, hopeless, like nothing matters. You depressed, you're depressed because you're grieving, because you're facing the reality of what you lost. Depression is grief. It's the weight of lose, a loss pressing down on you. Grief is acceptance. Eventually you accept what happened. You accept what you lost. You accept that you can't change the past. Acceptance don't mean you're okay with what happened. It means you acknowledge reality and you're choosing to move forward anyway. Acceptance is grief. It's a pattern of letting go. Grief is cycle. You might grieve something, think you're done, and then it hits you again. You may be fine for months, and then a trigger brings it back. You might grieve the loss of innocence and then later grieve the loss of relationship and then later grieve the loss of time. Grief is not linear, it circles back, it deepens, it shifts. Your body holds grief. You may feel heaviness on your chest, tightness in your throat, ache in your heart, fatigue, physical pain, and nausea. Grief is not just emotion in embodies, it lives in your body. And I have felt nausea and didn't know why. So, you know, it kind of explains it a little bit now. But grief is loneliness. You may feel like your body, you know, like nobody understands, like nobody can really see what you lost. Grief is isolating, it's loneliness of carrying something nobody else can carry for you. Grief is necessary. This is the important part. Grief is not something to avoid, it's something to move through. When you grieve, you're earning what you lost. You're acknowledging the reality of your experience, you're releasing the pain. Grief is healing, it's the pet through loss. Back to you, Alphonsa. Yes.

Steps To Grieve With Intention

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Grieving childhood is grieving childhood abuse. It's sacred work.

SPEAKER_05 20:27

And here's how to do it. Step one, name the loss. Okay. Be specific. Don't just say I lost a lot. Or I lost everything. Say, I lost my innocence. Or I lost the ability to trust. Or I lost my childhood. Or you could say I lost years of my life. You could say I lost a parent I needed. Naming the loss makes it real. And you can't grieve what you won't name. You have to create a space for your grief. Grief needs a lot of space. It needs time and it needs your permission. You have to set aside the time to do it. It might be one day a week, an hour a day, a weekend. You can you can even do it like pre Meditate on it. You know what I'm saying? You can you can make it to where it's something that you would Honor by like lighting a candle or something like that. It doesn't have to be huge, but it has to be something where you can set aside time to respect it. Okay? Give yourself permission to feel, to cry, to rage, to be sad. When grief comes, let it. I know that might sound weird because a lot of us sometimes we feel our grief happening in the weirdest moments when we are unexpected of it. But if you can, you know, try to get to a place where you're safe. Try to get to a place where you can feel comfortable to let your grief go. Let it happen. One of the biggest problems is we're holding this all inside. We're not allowing it to flourish and dissipate. You have to bring it up and let it out. It's like I know it's kind of gross to even say this, but it's like vomiting. Right? If something's sick in your stomach and your body wants to reject it, you have to go to a place to expel it, to let it out. Creating a space for you to grieve is the same process. You want that nastiness out of your system. And you can't let that nastiness out of your system if you don't let it go. If you keep holding it inside, it's not gonna be good for you. Eventually, it turns rancid and it's not good for anyone else around you. So don't push it away, don't judge it. When you're angry, be angry. If you're sad, be sad. If you're numb, even that's okay too. Because that's part of what you're feeling. And remember, your feelings are valid. Right? So if you validate your feelings, you know they're true, you know they're real, and you let yourself feel you're giving yourself the power to feel, the emotion ability to feel. You're actually creating a space for you to connect to your emotions. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are. And they need to be felt, they need to be felt. We have to express the grief that we are inflicted with, right? It needs to come out of your body. I just explained that. You can write about it, talk about it, cry about it, you can move about it. I know that sounds weird, but you can dance, you can run, you can skate, you can swim, you can exercise, you can do whatever. You know, that's what I mean by move. You know, you can get in motion, whatever. Go a jogging, uh take a nice walk. Do some push-ups. You know, something you can do. You don't need to go to another place to do it. If you need to do it right then and there, do something that you can do. Jog in place. You know, do some leg raises or some crunches or something, you know, just get into motion. If you feel like that. That's on a person-to-person basis, but get in mo get into motion, get in the cycle of motion, create art about it. You can write, you can make a painting or a drawing, you can make a song, you know, but but it's up to you what your creative medium is. But you can use that as an expression of your grieving, okay? You can scream about it, screaming helps. I ain't gonna tell y'all too much how I knew that, but screaming does help, it helps let your anger out. That does help. Okay, I tried to get to a place where nobody would hear me when I did that. Sometimes my pillow became my confidant screaming to the pillow because I didn't want to disturb anybody, but yeah, screaming does help. Your car, see, that's a perfect place. It's an isolated place.

SPEAKER_02 27:04

I have, yes.

SPEAKER_05 27:07

You have go ahead, you can talk.

SPEAKER_02 27:08

I have I have let go in my car. I have screamed to I feel like I was probably voiceless, you know, because I was just in that place. And, you know, as we speak and we talk on this, it's sad because I'm grieving something now, you know, but I'm getting through it, you know, and every time we have a segment, it gets better and better, you know, because it allows you to let go, you know, and to know how to do different things. Because it's some things that, yeah, we went through derby, but no, your derby is not gonna know everything, every single thing to tell you. So this is good.

SPEAKER_05 27:57

Yeah, yeah. I told y'all I was gonna bring information to y'all every single chance I got. Anything I find, I'm gonna do some research, I'm gonna dig it up, and I'm gonna bring it to you. Because if it helps me, I know it can help you, right? And if it helps you, that helps me again. It's it's therapeutic for me twice. You know what I'm saying?

Learning Live And Letting It Land

SPEAKER_05 28:22

So I I know you feel in the same way, Storm, right?

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 28:27

See, and a lot of this stuff, right? Okay, I I do an internet search and I'm gonna tell you, I should probably shouldn't tell y'all this secret.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Say no, don't let them know. No, no, no. No, no, because we have to go through it when we go through it. If you give people the identity, you know, they have to go through it, you know, the same way we're going through it, you know. So we every time we get on this platform and we have something new, people just don't realize that we didn't we didn't coerce this, we didn't pre-judge this. We're reading it, we're reading it live at the same time, we just got it. So when emotions pour out and you see us sad or you see us, you know, like just expressing ourselves in a deep, compassionate way, we just got the material and it's live right now in live time, and it gives us a chance to say, oh, that really hurt. That would, I really felt that, but that's something that I didn't get in my derby session. And we can go through it at live time the same way you go through it the same time you feel it, to let you know it's real. It is real when we go through. So everything that we talk about is not has not been discussed in our derby sessions, but it some of it has come to like some of this, yes, they talk about this, but it's not like they went deep diving into this. This is a deep dive. This is a deeper situation. We even take things on a deeper level, you know, to our audience. We, you know, our kings and queens, we take this to a deeper level because y'all all are beautiful in your own way. I always remember that we say that on our church in his logo, you are all beautiful. So you are all beautiful no matter what you've been through, you're all beautiful souls. And we go through this the same time we give it to you. So when you see us sad or you see us break or you see us cry on this platform, trust, we'll go through it at the same time you're going through it, you know.

SPEAKER_05 30:36

That's absolutely true. Whew. Okay, you know, I was kind of holding my breath right there. Sometimes when I be feeling stuff, I hold my breath and I don't realize I'm doing it until after I'm like, okay, I'm starting to feel lightheaded. When I'm starting to feel, I don't know, I'd be holding my breath. And that's that's a that's a that's part of it.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

That's part of it.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

That's part of it, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 31:05

I'm trying to tell y'all this stuff is serious.

SPEAKER_05 31:08

Now I guess they ain't gonna get it until they get it. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Just watch the segments and trust me, when you start going back over it, you subscribe, and you are you already you're able to replay it again and again, you'll be like, I missed something. And when you replay it, you want to see what you miss, and you want to make sure that you don't take your eyes off of it because you will miss something that you really need, fam. You will.

SPEAKER_05 31:32

Yeah. So you have to find what works for you, right? And you have to let the grief move through you.

Witnessing Grief And Getting Support

SPEAKER_05 31:41

You have to witness your own grief. I don't know. Like, I don't have a mirror. How can I look at myself? You know, how can you look at your cross your eyes like when they can't see myself, you know. But anyway, no, but this is important, you know. I make jokes about it, but it's it's it's important, right?

SPEAKER_09 32:04

We just gotta be humorous.

SPEAKER_05 32:06

Yes, and and you need to see yourself grieving to validate your grieving, right? Yes, you might say to yourself, This is real, this is valid, and this matters, okay. You can say I'm grieving because I lost something real. You can say my pain is legitimate, you can also say I deserve to grieve.

SPEAKER_07 32:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 32:52

Now you don't have to grieve alone if you choose, you can grieve with people you trust.

SPEAKER_05 33:01

If you found somebody that you can really trust, you can share your grief. You can let people witness it. You can let people support you. But only with the people who can hold space for you, who won't try to fix it, who won't minimize minimanize, minimize. I say minimum.

SPEAKER_09 33:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:36

Well, that's blooper, y'all cut down with live, right?

SPEAKER_09 33:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 33:40

Minimanize. Okay, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_07 33:44

That's okay.

SPEAKER_05 33:46

People who won't minimize it. Who will just be with you in your moment of need, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:54

Yeah, and you have been there to with me, witness me uh grieve, and you have heard me grieve, and it kind of hurts you, but yeah, you was there to hear me grieve. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:04

But I'm gonna be honest with you about that, right? I was honored that you gave me the space to hold for you to let me be the shoulder that you could grieve to. You know, I I felt honored by that. And and I respect that. You know, it's not something I take lightly because I know my space. You know what I'm saying? I know me. And I often think to myself, I wish I could have somebody to grieve to like that, like you did for me. And that let me know, hey, I got somebody I can grieve to if I need to open up and just vent, you know, or well, not scream. I ain't trying to blow your eardrums out. But at least, you know, I could I could cry too, I could, you know, talk about my emotions, you know, I can open up. You know what I'm saying? And that's what we're talking about. We need somebody in our lives who we can share these emotions with, with these grieving feelings. And that's not gonna be a majority of the people around you. I'm gonna be honest with you. A lot of people are not going to want to sit back and just let us grieve to them. So it has to be somebody who is very compassionate in your circle. Somebody who's empathetic to your sympathy. I'm trying to say two different words at the same time. Sympathetic situation.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 35:43

Empathetic situation I'm trying to do.

SPEAKER_02 35:46

Anyway, empathy and sympathetic about your problem.

SPEAKER_05 35:49

Empathy and sympathy. Empathetic, yes, that's a word. Sympathetic, yes, that's a word, but not sympathy epithetic together. That's not a word. No. Right. No. So you can create moments to honor what you lost, right?

Rituals For Release And Remembrance

SPEAKER_05 36:12

You might write a letter to your lost innocence. I haven't done that one yet, but I have wrote a book, and I would I would surmise that that book is my letter to my lost innocence. The book will be coming out this year. It's called The Terror in My Eyes. Uh published by Hawes and Jenkins Publishers. And we're working on the final edits now and trying to get the typesetting done for the page design. And um then it's off to the printers. So the last line of edits in what in the world just happened? Did you see froze?

SPEAKER_02 37:05

You froze.

SPEAKER_05 37:07

Yeah, I'm just looking at that. The screens went blank to me.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

No, but you froze. The screen didn't go blank. You froze.

SPEAKER_05 37:15

Did you keep hearing me? Was the audio still coming through, though?

SPEAKER_02 37:19

No, just for a minute, just for a brief second, you froze. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:27

That was critical. Okay. Okay. So what I was saying is about my book.

SPEAKER_09 37:32

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 37:34

You you can hear me now?

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yes, I can.

SPEAKER_05 37:38

Okay. So what I was saying was about my book. And I'm as I'm trying to hurry up and get it out there before the screen freezes again, right? So what I was saying was about the book. The book is called The Terror in My Eyes, and it's published by Hawes and Jenkins. And I was just talking to my publisher. I just sent in the last round of edits yesterday. Well, this morning, actually. No, today's today's Friday. Yeah, today's Good Friday. So I sent it in this morning. And she said she responded, which I was shocked by because it's Good Friday. I didn't expect a response until Monday. But she said she sent it in to the uh editors and they will get the page design ready. So they're pretty quick on the draw when it comes to the editing things. So I am ready for that because soon after that, page design approval and then printing. So we're really close. And I'm hoping to have it done by the end of May. Might not be a realistic projection, but I'm hoping. Okay, so with that being said, this book that I wrote is like my letter to my lost innocence. Okay. Excuse me. I'll let you guys know when it's dropping, when it's out and available for purchase and where you can get it from. Yes. Going forward, you can create art about your grief. We already talked about that. You could plant a tree in memory of what you lost. No people have done that. Like they'll have a balloon releasing, like a ceremony, right? And they'll just gather everybody together and they'll say a few words and then they'll release the balloons. And afterwards, they'll have a little, you know, light luncheon or some cake, hot dogs, or something like that. But these are things that we grieve when we lose things. We celebrate sometimes. Or we might light a candle, like I said earlier.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

I did that. Yes.

SPEAKER_05 39:38

That's what you do, you light a candle?

SPEAKER_02 39:40

I light a candle. And this helps, you know, because I read a bonnie. And so I did one year I had lit candles like all over my house, you know. And it was, you know, like you said, for some of the reasons, you know, that has been going on. But also I was grieving other things. So therefore, you know, I didn't have to tell everybody what the candles was lit for. But yeah, I lit candles all through the house because I was grieving, like you say, innocent. My loss of innocence. I was grieving the loss of a husband, a past husband. I was grieving the loss of a past grandfather and the loss of a, you know, my past, my dad's passing, you know, and all that is in this month, you know, so happen. But yes, I do do candles and I like candles, you know, because you have to have some way to release, you know, everybody has to have some way to release. You know, everybody is different, you know, and everything. So how you release is how you release.

SPEAKER_05 40:51

That's a good thing, though. That's a good thing. And in a way, you're releasing in around other people, but they don't know with the candles. They're just looking at it as this decoration, but they don't know what it's about.

SPEAKER_02 41:09

Oh, but everyone, be sure that they are, you know, when you are lighting your candles, they do have to be white candles, everybody. They do have to be white.

SPEAKER_05 41:21

Okay, why do they have to be white?

SPEAKER_02 41:23

It's purity, spiritual? Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_05 41:29

Okay, okay. Well, I'm gonna have to ask you about that after the show. Yeah, because I don't know. You know, I don't know why the colors of the candles would matter. You know, that's that's a curiosity in my head right now. So I don't I don't want to take away too much from a topic, but yeah, that's that's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 41:47

Yeah, it's it's you can read up on it. Yes, it's it's really spiritual, it's real. Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 41:55

I mean, I'm I'm I'm not saying it's not, it just draws me back to a lot of things I've seen. Like you see it in movies, people having seances, they always have these white candles.

SPEAKER_02 42:05

Or we're not, we're not trying to do seals because nobody knows.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

I'm not saying that you own seances.

SPEAKER_05 42:18

I'm just saying that that's where it drew me back to. Like, okay, here's another thing. It drew me back to, right? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, y'all. But I was raised in a Roman Catholic school, right? And they always had these white candles. But the candles would be inside of these red glasses, like candle-holding glasses. So they looked red, but the actual candle was white. And like if you wanted to pray for something, you would stop at the candles. They had a little shelving thing where you will walk up, you'll take the little stick, and you'll put it in a fire, one of the candles, and then you will light another candle, you'll say your prayer to yourself, and then you put the stick out, you know, and then go and have a seat. So those are the things that draws me back to. Not necessarily something bad.

SPEAKER_02 43:15

I'm gonna talk about I'ma talk about that fire to another fire. We're gonna hold that conversation after this because I got something about that. I don't like that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 43:26

Oh shoot, that you could say that for a bonus episode or something.

SPEAKER_05 43:31

Because I got some stuff about fire too. I got two good stories about fire that I can share. But uh dealing with my childhood too.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

You're gonna stay on track, everybody.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

No, no, we are not firebugs.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Oh, you uh uh you see okay, anyway. Gonna stay on track, everybody, anyway.

SPEAKER_05 44:03

Yeah, let's let's continue, right? So I already talked about ceremony and releasing the balloons is more like uh creating a memorial.

Releasing The Past Without Forgetting

SPEAKER_05 44:15

So you honor the loss, right? You acknowledge it, you say it, you say goodbye to it. Okay, you release the loss because at some point you have to release the loss. This is the aim of the whole thing, right? You you're trying to let it go. So you stop holding on to it so tightly. It doesn't mean that you forget. It doesn't mean that you're okay with what happened, but it means you're no longer carrying it as your primary identity. It's not really the part of you that should be permanent, prevalent, rather, permanent. I was about to say permanent. See, I mixed the two words again. I don't know what's going on with me. I got dyslexia of speech or something. I don't know. But anyway, maybe it's my nervousness doing this. Yeah. So you say this happened to me, I lost things, and I'm moving forward anyway. You know, you you make it said that you're going to move forward, and you're gonna leave that stuff behind you. Or you're gonna make sure that it's not in your everyday thought process. Okay, you're gonna start focusing more on the present, on the current situation, on what's around you, you know, your circumstances as you need, your needs to be met. So that's a way to change focus. Okay, the final step is integration. What I mean by integration, what I mean by integration is that you incorporate the loss into your story, it becomes a part of who you are, but not all of who you are, right? So you're not just a person who's been abused, you're a person who survived abuse, who grieved, who healed. If you think about it, that's the reason why we call this terror through triumph. Because being a survivor means you triumph over your loss. Kind of fitting now that you look at it that way, right?

SPEAKER_07 46:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 46:52

So when people see the word terror, they automatically start thinking, oh, what is this, a horror podcast or something? No. Sure, the things in our past was horrible, so we're not denying that, but that's not the focus point of this podcast. The focus point of this podcast is healing to empowerment. Okay. So the loss becomes part of your narrative, but it doesn't define you. So the truth, grieving is not weakness, it's strength. You ever heard it said, and I hate colloquialisms, but this one is kind of fitting right now. You ever heard it said that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

SPEAKER_09 47:44

Yeah, I heard it.

SPEAKER_05 47:46

After you go through your grieving process about the abuse that we received from our childhood, you can't tell me that doesn't make you stronger. We some of the strongest people on this planet because of the abuse we've endured. Uh yeah. Yeah. We like that. We some strong-minded individuals after the fact. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 48:16

I have had someone.

SPEAKER_05 48:18

We probably wouldn't have been that before that. We might have been something else, but what we are now, we're not to be played with. Just tell you like that. We're not to be played with. I'm gonna leave that right there because that that can lead somewhere else. But when you grieve, you're honoring yourself, okay? You're acknowledging what you've survived, you're choosing instead, you're choosing to feel and not feel numbness. You don't want to feel numb. You want to feel because that's where your power comes from, feeling. Your numbness is the opposite of you feeling. The more you're drawn to the numbness, the more you lose your power. So you want to feel, but that takes courage, that takes power, and that takes healing.

Hard Questions About Personal Grief

SPEAKER_05 49:23

So, Storm, you have any questions for me out of this list of questions that we could ask each other?

SPEAKER_02 49:32

What emotions came with your grief? What emotions came? What emotions came with your grief? You know, with your with your grief.

SPEAKER_05 49:48

Yeah, what emotions came with your grief I'd say a lot of sadness came with that. Self-pity was a part of that. Anger was a lot of it was a lot of anger. And the loss.

SPEAKER_00 50:23

The loss of the childhood I I should have been the loss of the person who I was.

SPEAKER_05 50:30

The child that I remember who I was, that got altered into the person I am now. I grieve that child. So I'm saddened not to know that person. I feel I feel like when the trauma happened, that person died. So I grieve that person. The people who knew that child, the child that I used to be, my family, I know they they look at me and like, where what happened to that child? What happened to you being that happy go lucky dancing around a house trying to do backwards flips but failing and wanting to do music and drawing and all that stuff. What happened to that person? That person died. There's no nice way to put that, you know. I've tried to pick up some things from the past, but it's just the the attachment to the things I used to have is not there. I don't know if it's because picking up things from that that era in my life makes me feel like a possible trigger could happen from that. So I don't, you know, I it's a lot there. That's a lot, that's a lot to unpack in that simple question. It's not just about the emotions that came with the grief, it's about remembering the grief itself. Well, what what was it that I lost?

SPEAKER_02 52:33

You know, and uh well, we just talking about the emotions, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:41

I try to stay focused on emotions, but everything else is wrapped up into that. It's like it's a twofold question, you know what I'm saying? You you want to say what emotions came with the grief, but in order to remember the emotions, you have to invoke what the emotions came from. So you think about the things that they came from to remember the emotions, and that brings up a whole nother thing, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 53:09

So I would say, yeah. What do you still need to grieve?

unknown 53:20

Shh.

SPEAKER_05 53:22

Almost cussed.

SPEAKER_08 53:24

Oh no. But do I still need to grieve? We are not going to do that.

SPEAKER_05 53:29

It got a long way to go. I do. I mean, um, I'm just not starting this process of grieving, so I got a lot, like my therapist said. I got a lot to unpack.

SPEAKER_10 53:40

So uh, yes.

SPEAKER_05 53:44

What about you?

SPEAKER_02 53:45

Yeah, yeah. Um I buried it with my grandfather. I buried it with my husband. I buried it with people that have done me wrong. They're they're deceased, as you know, so it may be one victim still floating around, but you know, that's what the candles is for, you know, so that I can bury the past. Do I still remember everybody? Yes, I do. You know, I would never forget it, but it's just like we have said, you go numb, you kind of like laugh or crack jokes, you know, to not think about certain things. And that's the person who I am. I'm the jokester. I'm the one that's gonna crack jokes. I make you laugh about something that's so painful, you know, and you're like, why she cracking a joke over it? I'm cracking a joke over it to keep from crying over it because I feel norm about it, because if I just really show emotion over it, everybody to tell the truth, I'll probably be in jail. So therefore, I have to, you know, go norm. I have to crack jokes about it because to be honest with you, everybody, I did go to jail over the second offense. So uh it was not a joke at that point in time because I was willing to do some time over something that happened drastically to me. And is that person still living? Yes, he is, you know, but the rest of the people that have done me wrong, the majority of the people, and I do have said, because I'm a victim of many traumas. So the majority of those people are dead, you know, they're gone. So it's like to just be able to light a candle and say, hey, you know, I'm at peace. Did I drop it out at the altar? Yeah, they can a lot of Christians can tell you, oh baby, you need to pray for, you know, God will take it away. No, baby, let me explain something to you. It's just like when we telling you day for day, and I'm learning day for day myself. No, they can't take it away. You can say, God, I repent. You can say, forgive me for my sins since I forgive those who have sinned against me. But would you ever forget? No, you won't. Would you remember it? Yes, you will. And it's gonna always be in the back of your membranes. You will never forget. But you can forgive. Do I forgive those people? Yes, I have. I had to come with groups, that's the only way that I can move forward. It's like lighting candles and making sure that I do this every year, that I do it at every time of event, because and that's for my own, that's for my own sanity. But you're not gonna forget everybody. You will remember. You can forgive, do forgive, but you're gonna remember. I'm not gonna say that you're gonna get over it, you're not, but you can get through it. And that's why you get your derpes, so that you can get through it. And then you look at the programs that we have, you look at all the different segments we have, and you can get through this. Because this have these segments have been helping me. Because y'all have to know I ain't had no dirt. I ain't had no derp in over dirty years. So, yes, everybody, I haven't had derp in over 30 years.

SPEAKER_05 57:41

See, now look, we we constantly say on the show, hey, we're not therapists, we're not psychiatrists, but we're not in the health profession. We didn't go to school for any of this. But we are survivors and we know a lot about what we feel and the things that we know and the things that we've seen. And that's where we can connect with you guys so much on this. The fact that you said something that just resonated a lot with me was that you went through therapy and you've been to a therapist some 30 odd years ago, but here we are doing the show, and things are still teaching you. You know, I'm I'm learning too on this show. Like, I don't okay. I don't know. I'm not trying to make I'm not I'm not an actor, and I'm not trying to put on a show, you know, a face for this podcast. Well, what I'm what I am is being really honest with you guys about my feelings and emotions. And some of this stuff takes me, takes me there. You know what I'm saying? Because I don't I do the research, but okay, she told me not to say it. Okay, I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna tell y'all my secret. She said, don't tell a secret. I'm not gonna tell y'all the secret. So I'm keeping it to myself. I'm gonna keep this one. I'm gonna keep this because you said it. You said it's storm, so I'm gonna keep it. Okay. Anyway, we're gonna move home. We're gonna move on.

SPEAKER_02 59:25

They go drew it, swingle drew it.

SPEAKER_05 59:29

That's what they need to understand, though. They need to understand that we're learning too, right along with you. We are survivors, we're learning this together. Hence the the title underneath the title of the show, the name of the show, the subtitle, surviving together. That's what it means. We're surviving together.

Weekly Prompt And Schedule Updates

SPEAKER_09 59:51

Together.

SPEAKER_05 59:53

Okay, let me get this call to action out so we can get out of here because we're already over time again. That's things like the current theme to the to the to the podcast. We should just name it overtime. Triumphing overtime.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:08

No, it's just the so good stuff. This just good stuff. That's all it is, it's good stuff.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:15

Right. I mean, that's I tried to concise it to 30 minutes, but that's okay. 30 minutes is an hour.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

So we do. So let's, yeah, so let's keep it moving, baby. We got this.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:31

Well, uh, that's gonna bring me to another thing, but I'm gonna I'm gonna bring that up at the end, at the very end. But okay, okay, this week we want you to name one thing from your childhood. Anything, name it. You don't have to do anything with it just yet, but just acknowledge that thing, okay? Then have to understand that grief is the path through loss, not over it, not pushing it down to go forward, but through it. You're you're trying to manage it, okay? And you're brave enough to walk through it, okay? You made it this far. We know you're brave enough to walk through it. We need y'all to join us Tuesdays and Saturdays, 9.30 p.m. as usual, Eastern Standard Time. I've made the choice. And this is what I wanted to talk about at the end. I've made the decision that we will go forward at 9:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on both days. Whether or not I'm at work. So if we have to do something on Tuesday, I might do a pre-recorded show for you guys so that me and Storm can still do a show for you, but it won't be a live QA. It'll be a pre-recorded show for you. So that way we can still be on point with our time slot because now our schedules are at opposition right now. You know what I'm saying? I'm afternoon, she's day. So I'm at work when she's getting off work. When she's at work, I'm probably getting up, getting ready to go to work. You know, so by the time I get off, she's going to bed. So is it like we don't have time to connect like that. So we're going to do some pre-recorded shows for you guys. So you guys can still be up to date, still be informed, still have all that good information coming. And maybe, maybe I'm going to have a sidebar with Storm. I've been thinking about this, but I'm going to put it out there to Storm so she can think about it too. This is live on the show. So maybe Storm can host the show by herself. Oh. It's just a thought, just a thought. But, you know, since our schedules conflict so much, I'm thinking I could do some shows, you know, by myself, but Storm can also do some shows by herself too. Just so we can keep it fresh, keep it going. Keep the live QA's going, especially so that everybody can interact with us on the show, ask your questions and things that you will want to ask. So we might open up more days than we do the show, besides Tuesdays and Saturdays, but I will have to talk to Storm about that to see how she feels about that. I'm not gonna put her too much on the spot tonight, but I did want to put that out there. That was on my mind. And if you guys would like to see something like that, make a comment, make a suggestion. Mr. Sharesh Varma, you have been so diligent in watching the show. We thank you for joining us for joining us all the way from India. We appreciate you and your family watching our show. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:07

Storm, do you have anything else that you would like to say?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:12

No, I'm good. This has been a great night. This has been a great segment. I have already, you know, expressed and you know, talked about certain topics. So it is good. It has been a good I mean I really kind of like, yeah. I kind of it really touched me, you know. I thought I was gonna be emotional, but that goes to show you that I'm still kind of normal, people. So I thought I was gonna be very emotional, Julius, because I do grieve a lot of things, and I thought I'd be very emotional, but I'm not. So I still see that I'm kind of really in my norm phase, and that's kind of cool because we told you sometimes you will be norm, so it's good, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:56

See, I right now I got that little thing right there. I'm gonna move over to the side so you can see where I'm right here. It feels like you want to come up. That's that, that's that, that's that anxiety. Well no, it's not nauseous, it's anxiety, like emotions. It's like the literal physical embodiment of the emotions that want to come out. I can feel it like building up right there. I don't want to cry on the show because I know I had to go through the show. I had to give out the information. I don't wanna, I don't wanna get angry, but I feel all those emotions starting to bottleneck right there. So that's why I'm like, yeah, these things are real. They they touch me. I know they touching some of y'all out there because we wouldn't have 84,000 views, over 84,000 views on our YouTube platform alone. And then on our BuzzPop platform, we got over almost 300 downloads now, and then we're in over. Nine countries and 30 34 cities around the globe. So I know we are helping somebody. And I thank you for watching the show.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:10

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:11

Anybody feels at this show, huh?

SPEAKER_10 1:06:14

And I say thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much. And especially the person that's tuning in from the long, especially the person that's tuning in from Texas, you know, thank you. Yes.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:26

Texas represent.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:28

Yes. Everybody knows I'm from Detroit, Michigan. But you know, yeah, you can hell your state. That's cool. Anybody want to join in, chime in, tell us where you're from, blah, blah, blah. That's cool too. You know, we don't mind that. We want to.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:43

Yeah, please let us. Yeah, please, we want to know where you tune in from. You don't even necessarily have to be from our states. It could be from California, from Florida, from New Jersey. It could be from New York. It could be from Colorado, Utah, Wyoming. We just want to know where you're tuning in from, you know, and tonight, any other states, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:04

It could be in the United States. You could be from Brazil. You could be from Naples. You could be from Rome. You could be from Hong Kong. It don't matter. We don't we just want you to chime in to talk to us. So we can talk to you back. If you have questions, we want to answer them if we can. If we can't, we will find the answers for you and bring them up in our next segment. So that's why it's so viable for you guys to interact with it.

Actionable Help And Crisis Bridges

SPEAKER_02 1:07:37

Even if you're tuning in from another another country, if you asked us what are your domestic numbers, trust me, Alfonso would look them up for you. He helped help somebody when I was on a platform on TikTok. He helped a young lady. She was from the UK. He gave her some numbers. He looked them up and he gave them to her on the spot, people, on the spot. So you're talking about we care just that much. You know, some people say, I get back with you. He didn't get back with her. He helped her right then and there and put it in the chat. And he helped her right then and there. She was crying and she was like really thanking us for the numbers and stuff like that. So you never know who you're helping.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:22

And that's the whole, that's the whole thing. It's about reaching out to help, to bridge that gap that is so prevalent, right? Yes. Because me and Storm in our in our day, we didn't have nobody to bridge that gap. There were people suffering. There were people to help. Nobody knew how to get to each other. Only if the people that were suffering had to be in a crisis state where emergency services had to be involved, like ambulance or something like that, to take them to the people that could help. That was the only bridge. 911 was the only bridge.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:06

Yeah, you're talking about you almost ending your life, and this is what it took to get you some help. That's what it was like back in our day.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:15

Think about this. Back then, they would tell you to call 9-1 only if it was a life-threatening emergency. People don't look at suicide as being a life-threatening emergency. And nobody in the house is about to die because I am. If I'm about to end my own life, they don't think that way. We don't think that way.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:38

And then they don't want they don't want to, they didn't want to turn you over. They didn't think that your suicide was enough. They would put you like in a hospital for like a week and then they would turn you loose, like, oh, you okay, you good, and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:58

Well said.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:00

And even in jail, when they put you on suicide watch, it's not enough. They take your tennis shoe strings. They take your, you know, they tell you you can't have the wire in your bra. And they take the watch abroad, women, and they take your tennis shoe strings like you really ain't gonna tie your own jumpsuit, and no, because you couldn't have a belt, you couldn't have nothing. So it's been still ways that people did what they wanted to do when they wanted to do it, fam. And you just got the, you know. Yeah. Yeah. So they did it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:35

And um you don't want the person who is going through what we're talking about already feels imprisoned. Why would you put them in another form of prison? That's not helping their psychosis. That's not helping them deal with their emotions. That that's not helping at all.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:00

But that's gonna be another segment. You know, everybody is, you know, you know, now everybody thought 911 was a joke back then. So that's why I guess they made a song about it. But that's gonna be another segment that we'll pick up on.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:16

But yeah, yeah, yeah. We're focused on actionable help. Actionable meaning that you need help right now, those numbers down there at the bottom of the screen can get you that help right now. Yes, not oh, tomorrow, or you gotta wait till Monday, or you gotta wait 45 minutes for police to come to your door right now, down there, right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:41

We we view these videos, we go draw them. So you if you then we don't go through past videos, please put whatever you want in the chat. We do run the videos back, we do run everything back in real time. So if you need help, please say that you need the help where you're from. Put it in the video so that we can reach out to help you. I promise, you know, Alfonso is so good about making sure that he, you know, he loses sleep over this, you know. So just, you know, do us because we are Daryl. Well, you do lose sleep because it's a passion. When it's a passion, it's it's it's a craft, baby. When you have a passion, yes, you're gonna do what you want to do to help the people, and it's a good thing, it's not a bad thing, it's a craft. Yeah, but uh come on, come on, come on. It's gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:43

I didn't do this to to receive any limelight for me, like shine a light on myself. I I'm not doing this for that purpose, but I mean, I I see that you you uh are acknowledging my efforts, and I I appreciate you for that.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:05

And I it's not uh yeah, it's not a limelight, but now one of us, I appreciate I appreciate all the work that you put in. I really do. And it's not like it's a limelight, it's just that just think about where we wouldn't have been. You the one that said, hey, I want to reach out to people of likeness that has been what I've been through. I want to help people. You know, I have been talking to people, which some people say, oh, you know, uh Storm, you helped me. You know, you helped me, and I was in my state of mind, I was sad, and you helped me. And little did I know that I was helping people, you know, every, you know, I was helping somebody, at least if I was helping them like once out of month or two or three people a year. I was helping somebody and didn't know that I was helping somebody. I didn't even know that I was helping one lady until she told me and started crying in tears and saying, Oh, I didn't know, I thought I was by myself. I didn't know that nobody could ever have the same matching story, you know, a similar story to mine. And you taught me Druid, and you said that it's gonna be okay, and you know, things are gonna turn out a better for me, and here I am now, you know, and she did, you know, and she's a good person, you know, and she's really striving and vibing right now. But she a couple of years ago, she was like um an emotional wreck, you know. So it's not just you, you don't know who you can help. So you helped, you helped abroad a platform for many people to say, hey, yes, I do need this. Because some people can look at a platform and they can make a platform similar to ours, but it's gonna be on something way totally different, but it can touch on what we're talking about, but not touch all the way on what we're talking about. We're on a whole different platform by ourselves. And we're trying to reach out to people of like-mindedness, because hey, you ran into me and you didn't know oh, the storm is gonna have the same similar problems. You never knew. And so we started talking and we started talking about the past, and when you talk about the past, and you find out, oh my god, and I thought I had it bad, you know. So, yes, you reach out to help other people, so it's all about stopping her people from hurting people because that's how I have it when I do go live. I you know, we stop hurt people from hurting people, and that's why we call it terror. You know, it was a terror. Now it's a triumph because you have got druids and you're trumping. So, yes, it's not meant to put you up on a platform, you just do a lot. Come on, you do a lot, you're a good person. Don't do that to yourself.

SPEAKER_07 1:16:16

You do a lot.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:17

It's just a very I'm a very humble person.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:29

Okay, and that's a good thing, but you deserve, yeah, you deserve recognition. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_05 1:16:38

You I haven't done what I need to do on this platform yet.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:43

But no, you're getting there, and you you're getting there. Everybody, we're gonna get there, and we're gonna look back through this, and you're gonna be like, what was I thinking at the time? Why I said what I said. Come on, we haven't got where we want to be.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:59

Yeah, I know exactly what I'm what I'm saying with it when it comes to this, because but it's a guy to do this.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:09

Yeah, it's moving. And guess what? God's gonna say, let there be light before the summertime can even get here. We're gonna speak that into existence.

SPEAKER_05 1:17:20

That's that's that's what that's that's another one of the premises of this this show, is for the light to be shown. Yes, so we're gonna think that I talked about is that yeah, how can you receive healing and the person that's supposed to be giving you the healing doesn't know where you're hurting at? Or how can I tell somebody how to heal if I'm keeping my mouth closed? How can you receive the healing if you don't open up and talk about what you need to be healed, where you need to be healed? So the world of fear that evolves around our situations as survivors isolates us from each other. We separate because this person says, Nobody knows how bad I have it over here. But this person is going through the same thing, but they're saying the same thing. Nobody knows how bad I have it over here. They both suffering from the same thing, but because they're in isolation, they can't receive healing because they don't want to talk. This platform is the platform that opens that divide, that

Stats Self-Sabotage And Brutal Honesty

SPEAKER_05 1:18:45

opens up. That door, the gap, it opens the connection. The conversation that keeps the people talking about the things that the society that we've lived in doesn't want us to conversate about. Why don't why does the society not want us to conversate about these things? Because the people that control are generally the ones that want to keep these things going. I hate to say it, but look at the state of the United States and who's running it.

SPEAKER_09 1:19:18

Okay, we're gonna cut our legs.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:21

The greatest country on earth, but those are the people running it. I'm just saying, I'm just saying. So somebody needs to speak out. Somebody needs to say, hey, this needs to stop. I'm gonna go here again. I say it every time. I'm gonna say these, I'm gonna keep saying it. The statistics from a university have stated that four to six out of every 10 Americans, just here in America, four to six out of every 10 Americans have suffered some form of child abuse. I call them the four horsemen. That's sexual abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse. Now, the number says those numbers are diminished because most survivors don't report the crime. So that number goes up from 40 to 60 percent. That's 40 to 60 percent. So if you take a million people, you say 400,000 out of 600,000 have suffered, but the numbers could be greatly diminished because most don't report. So it could be like seven to eight hundred or seven to nine hundred thousand. We don't know the true numbers because most don't report. But that's how grievous it is, grievous it is, that these situations happen, that we do not speak out about our situations, that we can't receive the help. Man, we end up growing into adults who are misfiring because we're stuck in a state of survival mode from our childhood abuse and we don't know how to handle it because we never addressed it. We never focused enough to say, I need help. You know, maybe later on you say, okay, you know, this happened, that happened, you know, it dawns on you later in life. Maybe it is me. You know, people keep telling you all your life, you know, why you act that way? Why did you do this? Why did you say that? Why did you leave the conversation? Why did you push this person away? Why did you not receive the help that we tried to give you? These are all things that are like red flags for us survivors to tell ourselves, hey, if I'm doing these things, if I'm self-sabotaging my relationships, if I'm doing all these things and I don't see that I'm doing it and I'm putting the blame on somebody else, I'll never receive the help I need. So this show is not just to bridge the gap between the help that we need and ourselves, but it's also to teach ourselves about ourselves. We have to learn about who we are as survivors in order to say, I can get to a point where I can name the things that's wrong with me. You can't name them if you don't know they exist. If you believe everything's okie dokey, well, I put that in the past. You're in a state of denial, but you don't even know it. See, that's the reason for this show. We we have to get you to the point where you can say, I need healing. So you, and then you can go to these numbers and get the healing that you need. That's bridging the actual gap. That's the actual help that you really need. Nobody's giving that information. Nobody's trying to address the situation, nobody's trying to have these conversations except for us. People want to talk about childhood abuse, sure enough, it exists. They want to talk about the medical terms and everything, sure, that exists. But do they really want to connect people? Are they really trying to connect people? Are they really trying to give their own stories? Are they really trying to tell you how it really affects people? That's where we come in at. This is my life's work. And I will lose sleep over this. I won't stop. Because I'm starting to see that people do need to help. And it's not just people here in America, it's global. And as long as I see people need help, and as long as people keep coming to watch, as long as people keep downloading, I'm gonna keep talking. And if I'm not here, God forbid, that something happened to me, Storm is gonna run the show. And and we're gonna keep this thing going. Maybe she's gonna end up getting another co-host. And she'll be the host of the show. I don't know. But what I'm saying is, this is a work that should never stop. We need to keep this thing going because there's so many people of us out there. If you think about the numbers I just rattled off, then you know at least maybe half of the people you know have suffered child abuse. You don't know who? Because guess what? We're chameleons. We blend in really good. You'll never know. Storm told it to me one time, and she said it in a way I had never thought about it before. Storm said, the people who dress up the most, who put on all the makeup, who dress to the nines, the heels, the sharp suits for the men, to smell good, all that, to look like they perfect, the world is in shambles on the inside. Those are the people that are probably suffering from some form of child abuse because they don't want nobody to know about it. And how they avoid it, they make themselves look the total opposite of what they feel on the inside.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:51

Make you feel them, make you inferior of them. And they the ones that make you inferior of them. You know, they the ones you like, you know, I can't stand him, I can't stand her because she thinks she all dead, or he thinks he all dead because he got on that, you know, Tommy Hill figure suit or whatever, or she thinks she all dead because she got on Sean Chanel dress and she got on some red bottoms, and you know, I can't stand her when she is going home to abuse, or either she done had childhood abuse, and you don't know if you followed her home and you looked in the mirror, I mean you looked in the blinds of her house, then you probably can see that she's going home to abuse. She's hiding it through makeup. You know, she's a victim of childhood abuse, and she's not talking, and she gone home to take off all those clothes, take off the makeup, and she's sitting in a big old home all by herself, and she's sad. So y'all think that the rich and famous, y'all think that they have you, or that that money really buy that money don't buy you love, that body don't buy you happiness. It don't even buy you, it can't even buy you a peace of mind. You don't hate.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:15

To be honest with you, money will never give you a peace of mind. Only only your heart and the man upstairs can do that. If you out here with a corroded heart, doing everything up underneath the sun that you know you shouldn't be doing, how you gonna have a peace of mind? Or if you're doing everything that you think you should be doing, you're thinking it's the right thing to do, you gotta look and see around you. If you gotta hide what you're doing, is that the right thing? I'm just saying. I don't know why that came to my mind, but we're gonna keep this 100. If you are going to be true to yourself, on all bullshit aside, put all the bullshit aside, if you are going to be true to yourself and to your convictions, you have to live that. You can't say one thing and do another, you can't hold somebody accountable to a certain thing and then you don't do it yourself. You cannot play the victim when you are the accuser at the same time. So, with that being said, if you are suffering and you're playing like you're the person furthest from the suffering, you are doing more harm than damage. I mean, more damage than good to yourself and possibly to the people around you who you're interacting with. Because they think they're in. Interacting with this perfect person, but you're not. You're crashing on the inside, and they're gonna find out. Eventually they'll find out. And then when they find out, they'll be like, why you ain't bringing this up to me? You know, I could have possibly dealt with it a different way. Or maybe I would have chosen not to even deal with you. But just like some other people, I'm not gonna mention, we we sometimes want what we want and we don't want it to get away from us. So we lie. We lie. We put the honey on the table so the bees will come. And that's the that's the honest truth. So for us survivors, we have to stop. We have to stop. We have to start being totally honest with ourselves. Brutally honest, really. Because that's the only way that we're going to acknowledge what's going on with us. Oh, we are so far past time right now. I just looked at the time. I'm so sorry, Storm.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:10

Don't get mad at me. I was like, I looked up at the time.

SPEAKER_08 1:29:14

I was like, I think I done, I think I, I think I turned my lights. I tried to say, look, I did this and I did this.

SPEAKER_05 1:29:23

I must have looked away. I didn't even see you do that. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. Like, look, I'm trying to go to bed. You gotta be still on this thing. Okay, this is not epic. This is actually a live podcast, a live broad streaming video stream. So yeah, let me close out.

Support The Show And Final Goodbye

SPEAKER_05 1:29:47

This week, name was lost for your childhood name, and you don't have to do anything to with it yet, just acknowledge it. Grief is the path through loss, and you're brave enough to walk it, okay? Join us Tuesdays and Saturdays at 9:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Share the Triumph with your host, Alfonso Pelt, and my co-host, The Beautiful Storm. We are going to add some more time slots to the week so we can give you more information throughout the week and QA's live, probably different times of the day because of our schedules. So stay tuned to the Facebook page or the YouTube channel for the for that information that's coming out, okay? And don't forget, if you want to support the show, you can support by subscribing to Buzz Sprout. It's only $10 a month to support. I'm tired. Okay. It's only $10 a month to subscribe to our Buzz Sprout channel podcast show. And you have to go to www.buzzsprout.com, look up Terror to Triumph there, and it will have a section down near the bottom to subscribe. Also, by supporting, you can go over to www.helpsemporium.com, where we are all beautiful. Okay? And you can shop any branded Terra the Triumph. I can't zoom in on this, but this is right here. That's the logo. Storm has a big one on her chest. I got one on my back. I don't know if y'all can see it. I'm gonna turn around in the chair. Move this over to the side. I gotta move it this way.

SPEAKER_09 1:31:34

No five now.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:36

Can you see it?

SPEAKER_09 1:31:37

Yes. We can see it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:31:40

So the church, it don't just have a small M. It's got a big one on the back. And bring it back. So you can buy the branded merchandise that proceeds from those sales go to help fund Terra the Triumph show. I also want to shout out my nephew Josh Pelt. Thank you for coming to watch the show, man. Appreciate you. If you want to chop it up, hit me up later or tomorrow or sometime during the weekend. Because my schedule is really hectic, especially during this show. So give me a call. Everybody else, if you want to send a message, please hit us up on our Gmail at Terror the number two triumph at gmail.com. Send a message, a comment if you would like to be a guest on the show. Contact us there that way. Oh, so we are out. We thank you. We hope y'all have a blessed Easter weekend, and we will see you Tuesday. Take care, everybody.