Childhood Abuse & Emotional Breakdowns in Adults: Recognizing the Connection

Tonight we're diving into something many of our listeners experience but don't always connect back to their childhood: emotional breakdowns in adulthood. We're talking about how unresolved trauma from childhood shows up as overwhelming emotional responses later in life. Let's explore this together.

Transcript

Why Breakdowns Feel Random

SPEAKER_02 0:23

If you're struggling self-apit, I don't know where to start.

SPEAKER_06 1:25

So Pelton with us is the lovely co host Storm.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

How are you doing tonight, Storm?

SPEAKER_00 1:32

I'm fine, thank you. Well, tonight we're diving into something many of our listeners experience, but don't always connect back to their childhood emotional breakdowns in adulthood. We're talking about unresolved trauma from childhood. Shows up and as overwhelming emotions responses later in life. Let's explore this together.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

Okay. So let's start with the

What An Emotional Breakdown Is

SPEAKER_04 2:05

basics. What do we mean by emotional breakdown? It's not just having a rough day or feeling upset. A breakdown is when your emotions become so overwhelming that you can't function normally. You might cry uncontrollably, you might rage at something small, or you might just completely go numb. Or you could feel like you're outside of your body watching everything happen around you. The thing is, most people experience a breakdown and think, where did that come from? That didn't make sense, and that's the key, right? The trigger in the moment doesn't match the intensity of the response. A comment from your boss feels like the end of the world, right? Someone ignoring you feels like abandonment, like they don't want to deal with you no more. Or a small criticism feels like a personal attack. That's because the breakdown isn't really about what's happening right now, it's about what happened back then. Your nervous system is responding to something in your past, not your present. Until you make that connection, the breakdowns feel random and out of control. So physical symptoms show up too. You might feel your chest tighten, your heart race, your hands start shaking, you might feel heat in your face flushed, or numbness in your limbs, heaviness that just won't lift. Some people describe it as being outside of their body, watching themselves fall apart. Others describe it as drowning in emotion with no way out. The thing to understand is this a breakdown is not a character flaw, it's not a weakness, it's your nervous system trying to tell you something.

Childhood Trauma And The Body

SPEAKER_00 4:30

The childhood abuse connection. Here's what happens when you experience abuse as a child, whatever is verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual, your nervous system learns that it isn't safe. Your body learns to read quickly, intensely, and often in ways that keep you alive back then. As an adult, your nervous system is still running that old program. It's like having a smoke detector that goes off when making toast. So when something happens in your adulthood that's even remotely reassembles the original wound, your nervous system doesn't dink, it reacts. A critical comment from your partner might sound like your partner's voice. Being left warning might feel like the abandonment you experienced. Losing control in a situation might trigger the helpfulness you felt as a child. Suddenly, you having a breakdown that feels completely out of proportion to what just happened, but it's not out of proportion, it's proportional to the original wound. Let me give you some examples. If you are criticized harshly as a child, a simple comment from your boss about work can feel like a personal attack. Your nervous system hears you are bad, you're not good enough, you deserve this, and you find yourself crying in the bathroom, unable to function. If you experience abandonment, a neglect, someone not responding to a text message can trigger panic. Your nervous system hears, you're alone, no one cares, you're going to be left, and you're aspiring, convinced the relationship is over. If you experience abuse when you had no power, a situation when you can't control the outcome can be triggering. Your nervous system hears something bad is going to happen and you can't stop it. And suddenly, I mean, and you're in full fight mode, trying to control everything around you. This is the connection. Your adult breakdown isn't about today, it's about yesterday. And your nervous system is trying to protect you from something already happened.

Rage Grief Panic Shutdown Types

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Not all breakdowns look the same. And the type of breakdown you can have can tell you something important about what wound is connected to. Like rage breakdowns often come from feeling powerless. When you were a child and couldn't protect yourself, you couldn't fight back, you couldn't escape. Rage might have been your only option. Think about that for a moment. That brought back some memories, actually. Like when things happened to me and I was sent to my room and explode, right? I couldn't do anything about it, but that was my emotions letting out. So I I can understand this right here. Okay. As an adult, when you feel that powerlessness again, the rage comes back. It's your nervous system trying to regain that control. Okay. You feel yourself yelling, throwing things, feeling anger so intense that it scares you. But underneath that rage is a child who had no power. Grief breakdowns are different. These are when you suddenly feel the weight of everything you lost or never had. A safe childhood, a parent who showed up, trust. These breakdowns feel like mourning because they are. You are actually mourning the stuff you lost. You're grieving what should have been. You find yourself sobbing uncontrollably, unable to explain why. It's not about what's happening now, it's about what never happened then. Panic or anxiety breakdowns usually come from hypervigilance. You grew up in an unpredictable, threatening environment. Your nervous system learned to scan constantly for danger. You're always looking around. As an adult, that hypervigilance is exhausting because there's so many things to look around at. A breakdown happens when you can't stay vigilant anymore, or when something triggers the feeling that danger is imminent. You might feel your heart racing, your breathing becoming shallow, a sense of impending doom that won't go away. Shutdown or disociation, breakdowns happen when you feel completely helpless. Like there's nothing you can do. Your nervous system learned that when you couldn't escape or you couldn't fight, freezing was survival. That was me. That was me, straight up. So as an adult, when you feel trapped or overwhelmed, you shut down, you go numb, you disconnect from your body's emotions. You might feel like you're watching yourself from the outside, unable to move or speak. Don't know about that part. I was in the moment, but I just couldn't do nothing about it. I was just froze. But I'm gonna go for it. Each of these breakdowns that I just described to you guys is your nervous system's way of trying to survive and understanding which type of experience can help you understand what wound is connected to.

Spotting Triggers And Patterns

SPEAKER_00 11:16

So, how do you start recognizing your pattern? Pay attention to what triggers your breakdown. Common ones for survivors include criticism or judgment. If you were criticized harshly as a child, a simple command can feel like a personal attack. Your nervous system hears you're bad, you're not good enough, you deserve this. Even constructive feedback can feel devastating. Abandonment or being ignored, if you experience neglect or abandonment, being left waiting, not getting a response, or someone pulling away can trigger panic. Your nervous system hears you're alone, no one cares, you're going to be left, and suddenly you convince the relationship is over. Loss of control. If you experience abuse when you had no power, situations where you can't control the outcome can be triggering. Your nervous system hears something bad is going to happen and you can't stop it. You may feel yourself trying to control everything around you or falling apart. You can't. Being unseen andor unheard, your needs were ignored as a child. Not being listened to or acknowledged can trigger deep shame and rage. Your nervous system hears you don't matter. Your voice don't count. You may find yourself over-explaining, getting angry, or shutting down completely. Betrayal, if someone you trust hurt you, betrayal in adult relationships can feel catastrophic. Your nervous system hears no one is safe, everybody will hurt you. You may find yourself isolating, testing people's loyalty, or expecting the worst. Once you start noticing your triggers, you can begin understanding what your breakdown is trying to tell you. It's not signs that you're broken or overreacting, it's information your nervous system is saying, This feels like the thing that hurts me before I need to protect you. Here's a practice after breakdown. Try this break down what happened, what was the trigger? What did you feel? What does this remind you from your childhood? Does judge judge don't judge yourself, just notice the pattern. Over time, you started to see the connection, and I noticed that you say, hmm. So I know it's a lot of things that you probably want to it is you know it simplify on, you know, draw this.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

I'm telling you, this is this what is packing a lot to it. So yeah, uh uh soon as we get through this information, we are going to dig into this so we can explain our own personal relations to the things we're talking about tonight, so you guys can understand more of like that how a survivor would think. Okay, but I'm I'm gonna stop there and I'm gonna go ahead with the information. But yes, Storm, that's absolutely true. We yeah, it's a lot, it's a lot, there's a lot going on here. So without further ado, let me continue. Excuse me. Here is something important for you.

You Cannot Think It Away

SPEAKER_04 15:02

You can't think your way out of a breakdown. Let me say that again. You can't think your way out of a breakdown. If you're having a breakdown, it's already past the point of you trying to think about it. So willpower doesn't work because your nervous system isn't operating from logic, it's operating from survival instinct. When you're in a breakdown, your prefrontal cortex, the thinking part of your brain is offline. The Agma Dala, if I'm butchering this word, please forgive me. The alarm system in your brain is running the show. So telling yourself this isn't a big deal, or I'm overreacting doesn't help because your body doesn't believe it, your nervous system is in survival mode and logic is not going to reach that. Okay, what helps is regulation, that means helping your nervous system feel safe again. There are things you could do in the moment.

Grounding Breathing And Movement Tools

SPEAKER_04 16:22

So when you start to feel yourself about to have a breakdown or you start breaking down, if you can try to use the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique. Name five things you can see. I don't know if you can see my hand. Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things that you can hear, two things you can smell. I ain't trying to put my fingers up my nose, but two two fingers you can two fingers, two things you can smell, right? And one thing you can taste. Ah, you can taste. Okay, so that's five, four, three, two, one, uh however you do. Anyway, this brings you back to the present moment and tells your nervous system that right now you're safe. You're not in the past, you're here now, and you're okay. Box breathing is another thing you can try. You can breathe in for four counts, hold that for four counts, breathe out for four counts, hold that for four counts, and repeat. This activates, okay. Please don't get mad at me if I butcher this word. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system. That was one word, by the way. Parasympathetic, okay. I don't know if I'm saying sympathetic, like sympathetic, or is it sympathic, you know, but sympathetic. I don't know. Okay, but parasympathetic. The calming system in your body, right? It tells your body that the threat has passed. Movement sometimes, your body needs to move to process the activation, walking, shaking, dancing, stretching. Whatever helps your nervous system discharge the energy. Your body might need to complete the survival response it couldn't complete as a child, right? But here's the thing yeah, it always feels like there's a catch, but not so much as a catch, but as a cavat. These techniques help in the moment, they don't heal the wound, they help you be able to cope and function normally because you might just need to take a moment to step back and do those things. Then you can re-engage into whatever you were doing. But the problem is still there, right?

Healing The Wound With Support

SPEAKER_04 19:07

Real healing happens when you process the original trauma, when you name it, when you grieve it, when you understand it, and integrate it into your story. And the first step is exactly what we're doing right now. We're making the connection, we're talking about it, we're recognizing your adult breakdown is connected to your childhood wound, and that's the beginning of healing. That awareness is everything.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

As we wrap up, I want to say this. If you're having emotional breakdowns, you're not broken, you're not overreacting, you're not weak, you're healing. Your nervous system is trying to protect you, it's doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you alive. In fact, you're here listening to this, thinking about these connections that already healing works, you're already on the pad. Moving forward, here's what matters. Build self-compassion. When you have a breakdown, don't add shame on top of it. Don't tell yourself you shouldn't over, you should be over this. Instead, talk to yourself like you talk to your child who's scared. This is hard. Your body is trying to protect you. You're safe now. I'm here with you. That voice, that compassionate voice, is what heals. Create a toolkit. Know what helps you regulate. If it's grinding, movement, talking to someone, music, writing, art, building a list of things that help. So when a breakdown is coming, you have options. You're not caught off guard. You have real resources. Know that when you seek support, if breakdowns are happening frequently, you're affecting your relationship or work. If you feel stuck, that's when professional support matters. A trauma-informed derpist can help you process the original wound in ways that chat or brocasts can't. There is no shame in that. That's wisdom. Understand the difference. Managing breakdown is important, but resolving them means going back to the source. It means processing the original trauma so your nervous system don't need to react so intensely anymore. You're not trying to never feel. You're trying to feel safely. And here's the beautiful part as You heal the wound, the breakdown change. They become less frequent, less intense, less scary. Not because you're suppressing them, but because your nervous system is learning you're safe. That's the dread has passed that you survived.

SPEAKER_04 22:19

Before we close, I want to open it up.

Work Criticism And Real Consequences

SPEAKER_04 22:23

Storm, do you have anything you want to add to the listeners? You want to go back over some of this stuff? Because we got a lot of time left this time. I wanted to make sure we had a lot of time to pack today.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

I it was like a lot. It is a lot because I do feel like when, you know, because I'm I work eight to five and I work in, you know, well I work in an environment, you know, where I have a boss. And when you are being like it's a little bitty ding, and you being nagged that, you do feel like, oh Lord Jesus, you feel like it's this big and it's not, it's not personal. And she have always said, it's not personal. We just got through talking about something today that happened probably two or three years ago. And she said it wasn't supposed to be personal, but I couldn't care about your feelings at the time because I was too busy trying to find something out because I had to move you out the way in order to find out what was going on. So I couldn't I couldn't care about the feelings at that time. I had to care about getting to the vivid point of what's going on in my company, you know. And but I took it personal at the time because I like, you know, I thought I was gonna lose my job. I thought, you know, a lot of things that was going on, but that wasn't the case, you know. So yes, we feel like something that's supposed to be this little, we feel like it's like this, and that's how I felt at the time.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

So I mean, I get it. I really get it. Don't get me wrong, I really get it. Okay. Back when you had talked about the examples from the connections, trying to make the connections. When when somebody gives you a simple comment or a criticism, you know, it might even be like a light humorous joke or something, somebody just jabbing you, you know what I'm saying? Nothing really serious, but to me, it comes off as a front. When somebody comes back to me, you wearing them old dingy pants, you know, at work today.

SPEAKER_03 25:14

My lips get tight because I can feel the curse words trying to come through. I'm trying to hold back. What's wrong with my pants? Mother.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

I mean, seriously. I'm joking about it right now, but in reality, when the stuff happens, yes, it started running through my mind. Yeah. So I it's it took a long time for me to hold that stuff back because it wasn't a hold at first. I mean, it was, I ain't gonna lie, it was a hold at first, but as I got older, that hole started getting looser and looser and looser until uh I got to the point where I wasn't just flat out cussing people out, but I would just ghost a person and they weren't what the what the fuck happened, man.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

You know, I can't call his phone. I did number I did that. I didn't know that was me. I did yeah, I did that. I have I did that too. I did it. I I'm a I'm bad. Um I'm bad. And I needed some help uh probably about last year. Yes, last year I needed the help bag. Cause like you say, my mouth was bad off. You said the little bit is dane, and I thought about I took it the extra, the extra mile, and I was loose at the tongue, and I gave um a besti at the time. I gave him, I put, I drug him, and so I had to take a three-month sabbatica, and I had to go back to Derby, and I had to get me together, everybody, and I do have to say because every now and then you do have to go back through derpy, and you have to know that hey, it's time for me to go back to derpy because you know, some things are slipping, and I need some help in some different situations, and everybody, yes, I had to go back to Derby for three months. It took three months before I could even say anything to him to that person because I like if I see him, if I say anything, I'm going to strangle him, you know, it's gonna, I'm gonna go to jail, you know. So it was like it was that deep, everybody. It was just that deep because I took the little bitty slightest comments and I whooped. I I I exhaled on that person. I exhaled real bad. I drugged the person through the mud. Yes, I drug them, but we're here now. That's where we end.

SPEAKER_04 27:57

We here, we here, not not like that though. Okay, but I did. Um we got help, but I I wasn't as still getting help from me, so you know, uh work in progress, right? You know, we are all work in progress. I mean, it never stops. We always trying to do better and be better, and then notice a lot of times we miss the mark, but we are trying, we are trying, and and that's the thing. You know, you have to keep trying and try, try, and you will succeed eventually if you keep trying at it. So that's what we are. That's what we're about.

Abandonment Spirals And Cutting People Off

SPEAKER_04 28:47

Another thing that that part where you talked about the abandonment or neglect, someone not responding to a text message makes you feel panic, like you're gonna be left out. Yeah, you're you start spiraling. Oh okay. This is so many different ways on this one for me that I can't I can cut into this because for me, anytime a person doesn't respond, my mind automatically goes to, oh, they fucking around straight up. I mean, that's what my mind instantly goes to, and I have to stop myself now. I have to stop myself and say, bro, really, you know, maybe they doing something, maybe they doing something, and a lot of times I'll I'll take the internal voice and I'll verbalize it, not really realizing that I'm doing that, but it's trying to make me rationalize to myself. But somebody outside one day something happened, and I was trying to make how how can I how do you say it when you try to look at the good part of a person or you try to rationalize what it could have been for the for their benefit, like you're giving them the benefit of the doubt, should I say that's well, I hate to use colloquialisms, but it explains it perfectly because if somebody messes up, I'm not oh they probably just did this or they probably no, no, no, no, they actually screwed up, probably. But I don't really know that, but my mind, because it happened, especially if it was directly concerning me, in my mind I'm going off. What the hell? Okay, you know, but I try to read her down, you know, because not everybody is always trying to do something bad to me, you know, especially in a relationship. And I truly believe that people, for the most part, have a good intentions in their heart. Not all people do, obviously, as you can see, in the state of our country, but anyway, as you can see, that not everybody has good intentions. So trying to weed out or go in between, trying to figure out who is and who ain't that person for me, you know, while somebody's saying something to me, trying not to take it to hurt, not responding to me, not responding to a phone call or a text, or if I speak to you, and there's like nothing, no response. I feel like, okay, either you ignore me or you just didn't hear me. So I'll try it for a second time, you know, and I'll say whatever, whatever it is. I might tap them on the shoulder and like, hey, you know, can you can we have this conversation or whatnot? You know, I don't want to be like okay, the inner side of me discussing like okay, if you can imagine this, the rage, right, from the abandonment issues or the inner child is like Taz, the Tasmanian devil inside of me, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:10

So if you can imagine that mixed with like Yosemite, if you can imagine both of those together, the Tasmanian devil and Yosemite Sound, because the Tasmanian devil is just the anger stirring up.

SPEAKER_04 33:27

Okay, whatever the cuss words would be at the moment, that's what I'm just relating that to. But the Yosemite Sound would be the outward emotional outburst from that emotional spin-up. So yeah, that right there. Because my abandonment issues, my parents wasn't like they weren't around. Well, my dad, he wasn't around a lot, but my mom was present outside of her work schedules, but even when she was present, you didn't want to be around her, and when you tried to be around her, something always jumped off, so it was like you didn't want to be back there, so yeah, it was like, and I got an emotional disconnect with my parents, especially the one I wanted to have with them, but now when I'm reaching for someone out here, and I feel like they're downplaying me or playing me off or not trying to respond to me, I instantly go into protection mode. Like, okay, I'ma just say it. Fuck you. That that's that's where I go. And I don't talk to you no more. If I feel like you're trying to cut me off, that's that's exactly where I go. Wow, that was a lot that just came up. That's what it's all about.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

That's that's what it's all about, though. That's what it's all about. It's all about just saying, hey, this is what it is, this is what you meet me at, this is what I used to be at, you know, and I'm still there. I'm still trying to go through the motion, just like we are teaching you now. I'm still trying to go through the motion.

SPEAKER_04 35:28

So did anything in this like like reach out and like tug on you, like you did me for those two passages. I mean, that was way early in our talk. So, I mean, it's a lot that touched me, but I just want to know if anything touched you.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

I was the same way that you was when people wouldn't respond to me, and I called you, I tried to reach out to you, I text you, I get a text back, and I feel like you ain't doing nothing, or I feel like you read that text and you just ignore me and you left me on. Well, well, the older kids used to say red. Now they saying whatever I don't know what it is no more. But I feel like you left me untouched or unborded. Yeah, I had that I had the same idea that you had F you because I ain't got time to deal with it, you know. And to be honest, and this may hurt a lot of people's feelings, but I erase you at that point, you know, because I don't even want to have anything to do with you, you know. I'm dealing with something right now, and it's like I have that I have in, you know, that doubt process that y'all can, you know, I'm standing out on business because this is about business, and I don't have time for it.

SPEAKER_04 37:05

Okay, I feel you on that for real because when you're trying to be up front and 100 with somebody, and then they're kind of flipping, like uh whatever, you know, it's not important, it doesn't matter, and it to a survivor, that's like if you pushing a button for real. I know people like, oh you should get over it. Uh it's not that important. Uh it's so long ago, it shouldn't matter anymore. Don't be surprised if you get an uppercut if you if you say that to us because we are already triggered.

SPEAKER_00 37:48

And it's yeah, I've been there. I've been there when you say it don't you say it don't matter. When it says, Oh Lord, the the throat, yeah. If if you if you say that it doesn't matter, yes, if you say it doesn't matter, oh my god, you just you open the gates of hell. You know, you just told me, oh, you need to get over it, it doesn't matter anymore. Oh, you just lit the you just lit the lake of fire, you know, because I you know I'm gonna drag you, you know, and it's gonna get heated, it's supposed to be something that gets way out of content, it's gonna get something that's gonna be really heated, it's gonna be compacted because I mean I have someone that tell me what's wrong with you, you should be already, you know, it having weight, and I'm like, it's because of people like you that I'm still dealing with stuff like this. Because you have no care, you know, and it's it's it goes, it's a it's a double-edged sword. You have women that don't have no regards for a man's feelings, and you have men that don't have no regards for a woman's feelings, so it's a double-edged sword, everybody. So it's not one-sided, it's double-sided because I have seen it because I used to be gay, I done seen it on both sides of the retro. So I done seen it from the female side, and I done seen it from the male side. So females are no better than the male, so it's a double-edged sword.

SPEAKER_04 39:37

Agreed. Agreed. We um we can be some harsh beings on both sides to say some harsh things, even if you don't even have to know somebody saying what you think. What kind of person are they that they would say such a thing? I don't want to be associated with a person like that, or I wouldn't want that person to be my friend, knowing that you think a certain way, and the way that you're thinking actually is impacting how I think, or not how I think, but impacting my outlook on the world because we're supposed to be friends.

SPEAKER_07 40:44

Oh, it seems like we lost Storm for a second there. Apologize for the difficulties.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

I'm hoping you can get hurt. Uh, Storm, if you're watching, the link is still open for you, so you can come right back using that link.

SPEAKER_07 41:07

Okay. That I was uh noticing.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

Um because there was another one. But yeah, it was talking about when Storm had talked about if you experienced abuse, or of course Storm and I both have experienced abuse, and in this situation where she talked about us where we didn't have any power, and not having the power made us feel a certain way. There she is, all right, bringing you right back up in here, all right. Yeah, well, you know, like I said, this is we we have technical codies, so you will see anything that happened live. Okay, well, it's Storm. I was just talking to them about uh one of the things you discussed about experiencing abuse where you had no power, a situation where you couldn't control the outcome, and how your nervous system saying something bad is gonna happen and you can't stop it, and you're in full fight mode, trying to control everything around you. Okay, so I evolved to that where I try to control everything in my realm, but I know that's really not realistic, you can't control everything, so you try to do the best you can with pointing yourself in the right direction, right? Uh what I was the one I was the one, excuse me, my ear is itching. I was what the heck, your video went out again.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

I'm still here.

SPEAKER_04 43:13

I wonder, can you hear me? Okay, you're here, but your videos gone.

SPEAKER_03 43:21

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:22

Okay, I just wanted to let you know that we can hear you. We can hear you.

SPEAKER_07 43:27

Your video's gone though. So um I wonder how I can do that.

SPEAKER_00 43:39

I mean, it's okay, let's keep it moving.

SPEAKER_04 43:47

On your on your screen, you have a little button for your camera. You can hit the X on your camera, but your mic can still be active. Do that. I don't know. There you there you are. It says you're in the stream with audio only. Yeah, just check back periodically to see if your video kicks back in. If not.

Childhood Rage Stories And Coping

SPEAKER_04 44:10

Okay, so yeah, we were talking about the uh rage situation. Okay, I was the kid that went to my room and raged. I didn't, I had no outlet, right? I mean, mom was with the ghetto boy, he said, my mom was dropping them fifth word B's on me. I can laugh about it now, but in the back of my mind, you know, I still got a little buzz going up my spine thinking about it. But yeah, when when things like that would happen, wouldn't I would be so caught up in the trauma of whatever happened, the berating or see, I don't know about that part, but let me get to that in a minute. But the beatings or whatever, and you get sent to your room for whatever happened. And I'm in my room. We all have those moments when we just can't do anything about it, you scream into your pillow. Of course, I would be in a situation where my parents said, no closed doors. You couldn't close your door to your room in our house when I was younger. There was no such thing as you had privacy. That was that was no such thing. All doors stayed open, period. Unless you were changing clothes, that's the only time the doors could be closed. Soon as you finish changing, that door better be back open. That was an ass whooping. That door wasn't open. Oh, but the berating part, that's that's what caused me to rage the most. Because my parents had this thing where if you did something wrong, it could have been a mistake, it could have been just out of youth not knowing, or it could have been something that we did was actually wrong. We made a conscious choice to do something stupid. Okay, they would make you stand in front of them while they sat on the couch smoking and drinking and dog you. You could not respond. That was an ass whooping. You couldn't walk away, that was an ass whooping. You couldn't do anything, even if they ask you a question as a response, whatever you say, that was gonna be an ass whooping. You just had to stand there and listen to them, to them berate you, dog you, cuss you out, whatever. And when they were finished, then they send you to your room. That was the times where I was like so much emotion built up inside me. I was ready to destroy everything, punching holes in walls and stuff like that. That that's when the rage came. So when they talk about mental abuse, that yeah, that's mental abuse, verbal and mental, both. Yeah, because I tried I tried to talk to them about certain things that was met with ass whooping, foot to ass. Okay, stomp out, beat down whatever. Then I tried, you know, walking away one time. That was very bad. That one was very bad. And yeah, that was that was ass whooping. Just too many, they even when I tried to yeah, even if I tried to like reason, at least my kid mind trying to reason, that was an ass whooping. So and it was nothing you could do. Even if they asked you a question, it was a setup. It was like, don't say shit, just stand there and take it. You tears rolling out you, because you want to say something so bad, but if you say something, that's your ass. What's wrong with you, you stupid? You can't talk. They would say shit like that.

SPEAKER_06 48:55

Oh my god. I mean I would prefer to. Couldn't.

SPEAKER_07 49:07

I couldn't fight them.

SPEAKER_04 49:11

Two on one, hell no. I'd be a little blood slide on the ground. Y'all would have never heard me to this day. That's how serious it was.

SPEAKER_06 49:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 49:22

I couldn't, but I couldn't. So upstairs to my room, punch a hole in the wall. Upstairs to my room, screaming my pillow, upstairs in my room, throwing shit. Broke a lot of toys that way. Even if they were used, didn't matter to me because I had to get it out. It was like something on me so tough. If I didn't get it out, I was gonna explode. That's how bad it was. Yeah, sitting in the room crying for hours off some bull stuff.

SPEAKER_07 49:57

Okay, try your camera again.

SPEAKER_04 49:58

I did Wow, but still didn't do it. You might have to leave the studio and come back. But but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 50:25

Can you hear me?

SPEAKER_04 50:26

Anything else? Um yes, we can hear you.

SPEAKER_00 50:32

Well, no, I understand exactly what you were seeing. I just uh I was about to ask you. Yeah, I understand exactly how you feel. I understand everything that you were seeing, how you feel, you know, because when I was belittled or when, you know, sarcasm came across from, you know, different family members. You know, because when you're you know, you don't have no other way. When you, you know, you say you can't fight, you can't do this, you it's out of your league. And I think that's how I got good at poetry because my release statement was norm and I went to writing. So it was like the writings on the wall. And my favorite, I would end my favorite, I would end with my poems with a lot. With the living walking over me, you know, because that's how I feel.

SPEAKER_04 51:38

Deep stuff here tonight, y'all. Deep stuff, deep stuff, deep stuff. So, yes, we as survivors trying to connect with you guys so we can give you information that you need, talk to you about our personal stories, share with you things that to let you know that hey, we are in the fight with you, you're not out here battling by yourself. We're sharing our testimonies tonight, and every night for that matter. So, if you guys would think about it, excuse me, you don't have to carry this alone, you don't have to carry this

Hotlines Guest Promo Support Links

SPEAKER_04 52:31

forever. Here's what I want you to leave with tonight. Your emotional breakdowns are not your fault, they're not a sign of weakness, they're a sign that you survived something very, very hard, and your body is still carrying around that survival response. The connection between your childhood and your adult breakdowns is real. Nothing about that, just faith. Your life experience through your trauma, plus your emotions connected to that trauma, your feelings, your thoughts, all of that's real. And recognizing that connection is the first step towards healing. If you're struggling with this, reach out, talk to someone. There's numbers down here at the bottom of the screen that you can call. We got crisis hotlines, we got the rain hotline, we got domestic violence hotline, childhood abuse hotline, we got don't what did I say domestic violence? Oh, we got sex trafficking hotline on there too, and of course, the the suicide and crisis hotline 988. So we got the stuff down there, plus there's two websites that you can go and check out if you're trying to find a therapist in your area, a trauma-informed therapist. We have things for you. So you can talk to someone, you can seek the support. We're giving you the tools right here on the show that to get you from point A to point B. You deserve to feel regulated, safe, and at home in your own body, right? So, Storm, did you have anything else you wanted to say?

SPEAKER_00 54:42

No, it's everything was just, you know, it went just the way it needed to do, you know, and we elaborated, you know, we expand on a lot of things tonight, you know. So that was a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 54:57

Yes. And expanding on things. I'm glad you brought that up. We have something that we want to share with you again. This is our flyer. You might have seen it around. We have a special guest coming, Heather Ann Ferry. She's gonna be on our show on our Saturday show this Saturday coming up 9:30 p.m. April 25th, 2026. She's a spiritual practitioner and a many other things. We're gonna go down through there, and I want you guys to come and see this show because Heather has a lot, a lot to unpack for us about her amazing transformation and what she did to maintain and get through and survive, not only to survive, to thrive and conquer. So I want you guys to be able to come so you can listen to this interview and learn a possible avenue that might be suitable for you to navigate through your own journey. You know, she has some good tips, she has some good advice, and I wouldn't have her on the show any otherwise. I'm so grateful that we are able to have guests now, and you guys get the benefit from this wisdom and experience that we can bring to you. So please, by all means, tell a friend, tell family, tell the world, and let everybody know. Terra the Triumph is now having guests on the show, and we want you to be involved. We've this is this is gonna be something great. So we want you to come, we want you to listen to what she has to say. She's a very powerful person, and she has had a very, very interesting life. I'm not gonna get into it because I know some stuff about her that I haven't told you guys.

SPEAKER_05 57:04

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 57:06

Yeah, she I'm not gonna get into it because I want you guys to get all of this right. So please, you know, amend your schedules. Come check us out Saturday evening, 9:30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, and see Heather Ann Ferry and hear what she has to say. I just want to end on that note. Well, on that partial note. Also, I want to remind you guys we have to pay the bills. So if you would like to support the podcast, you can go over to www.buzzsprout.com and you can look up Terra the Triumph and you can subscribe there, or you can donate. And those subscriptions and donations help fund the show to help keep the connections going, the conversations going, the information flowing. And also, you could do the same thing by going over to www.pelts emporium, which is our affiliated merchandise site. So you can buy merchandise from Terror to Triumph. You can't get it anywhere else. So you could buy this is the official Terror to Triumph merchandise. I just wanted to say you can only get it at this website from this website. You can't get it anywhere else. They're designed by us, me for now, but I'm I'm asking Storm to chime in with some of her thoughts on designs. Actually, she had me design a pair of shoes for men. Black pair, black and gold shoes. So I did that. They're on sale for for for you guys. Gotta go and check it out for yourself. I'm not gonna tell you, but I know it's a lot of stuff there, and it's nice stuff. I made sure the quality is good too, so you're not gonna get any cheap things there. That's not cheap. No, no, something you can wear two, three times and already it's spraying at the scenes or it's falling apart. And no, you're not gonna get no stuff like that. This is good quality stuff. And the designs are, if I can toot my own horn, they're pretty darn snatchy. All right, all right, all right. I'm I'm gonna end it there because we had our our time. I'm Alfonso Pelt. This is Vin Storm, this is Terror the Triumph, and we thank you for coming to view the show. Please, by all means, stay safe, stay mindful of your surroundings, and we will see you tomorrow.

SPEAKER_06 59:57

God bless you.