When You've Just Suffered Trauma

Tonight, we're talking about the immediate aftermath. What's happening in your body. What you need to know. And what you need to do right now."

"This is not your fault. What happened to you is not your fault. Say that to yourself now. We'll say it again before we're done.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome everybody. Welcome to Terror to Triumph. My name is Alfonso, and this is my lovely co-host, Storm, over here. How are you doing tonight, Storm?

SPEAKER_02 0:10

Hello, how y'all doing?

SPEAKER_01 0:12

We got a good show for y'all tonight. I don't know. I'd be getting excited when we got good information to send out, but we got something good for y'all tonight. It's very, very, very, very impactful. You know, this is all about surviving trauma. So we wanted to give you like the things or some tools you could use if you had just been through a traumatic experience. This would be for the parents of children who have gone through some sort of trauma: physical, verbal, mental, or sexual abuse or something of that matter. These are some things you can do or teach your children to do to learn how to cope. In any case, it's strongly recommended that you have your child see a therapist, a trauma-informed therapist, but one that specializes in children. So this episode is for all the parents who may have or would like to prepare in the worst case scenario event. Should a child, your child, become victim to some sort of abuse. These are the things that you could do for your child to help your child learn how to cope. So this is a very serious episode. We're going to try to power through it, because as survivors, we we uh it's gonna tug on our strings. True enough, but this could help save a child's life. You you think a lot of children commit suicide and you'd be like, oh, that's so sad. Oh, where were the parents at? Blah, blah, blah. But the thing is, us as survivors, we generally don't tell people that things are going on like that with just sharing that knowledge. You know, we don't do that. We bottle it up and try to internalize it and keep it, and we're too young to do that because we don't know how it's affecting us. So you might not know if your child has been affected. And it will become a problem for your child lashing out later on, but you won't understand why. So this episode is to help if you found the red flags and see that your child has had some kind of trauma happen to them, or you might know somebody who is going through it with their children. You can tell them about this information and share it to everybody that you know because it's it's it's something that anybody should have in their repertoire to share with their family, friends, and loved ones in case something does happen. God forbid anything happens, but that's what's going on.

Announcements And Upcoming Guest

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Uh, announcements before we start the show. Go and check out www.peltsemcorium. That's P-E-L-T-S E-M-P-O-R-I-U-M dot com. That's our affiliate website, and we sell merchandise on that site. The sales of the merchandise on that site helps to fund Terra to Triumph. So if you head on over there, again, that's www.heltsimporium.com. You can go over there, peruse to your liking, find something, purchase, and you can wear a piece of article or something that supports helping trauma survivors find information and connect the dots to get to the people that can help them. So without further ado, one more announcement. I almost forgot this. We have another special guest coming up. May 9th, we will have Dr. David Marcus on the show. He's a psychologist and he's been practicing a very long time, 30 plus years. And we will have him on a show for you guys. He's also a survivor. So you're getting firsthand information from people who have transcended their trauma into the lifestyle that they are living now as as they are flourishing. They've overcome the try and the trauma and they have triumphed over it. So I'm bringing to you people who are also survivors, and they're sharing their stories to give you hope and insights to see what they did. Maybe something might click for you or work for you. So bringing these people to you, you will have Dr. David Marcus on May 9th, 9.30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on Terror to Triumph. Okay. Now, with all that said, I know I've talked a lot. So I'm sorry, but I had to get that information to y'all because that's very critical. Also, we are on Buzz Sprout. If you go look up BuzzSprout.com, search for Terror to Triumph there. You can subscribe to our platform and check out the bonus episodes and things like that because all episodes are not broadcast, open to the public. And so if by doing that, you also help keep this conversations going. So I believe that is it for the announcements. We will go ahead on get into the meat of this subject, okay?

The Immediate Aftermath Of Abuse

SPEAKER_01 5:42

So the topic tonight, when you just suffered trauma, the immediate aftermath of childhood sexual and physical abuse. So if you've just experienced sexual or physical abuse, you're in shock. That's the first thing. You are in shock. Your body doesn't know what to do, your mind is fragmented, you might not even have words for what happened yet, right? So tonight we're talking about the immediate aftermath, like what happens right after, what is your body going through right after? Things that you might need to know and what you might need to do right now, if you're going through it right now. If you're in a crisis situation, down 988 for suicide and crisis, or call your local 911. If you are in a safe place, if you can get away to a safe place and protect yourself in that safe place, call if you are in need of immediate danger, call 911, of course. If you can get away and separate yourself, like go to a friend or neighbor's house, you can dial 911 or call 988 to talk to somebody there. Those lines are 24 hours nationwide in the United States. Okay. So, okay, this is this is deep. So I'm I'm gonna try to calm down. What's going on with you after the trauma is not your fault. I repeat, it is not your fault. What happened to you is not your fault. Say that to yourself right now. We'll say it again before we're done, but it's important for you to etch that into your mind. It's not your fault. You did not cause this to happen to you. Okay? When you experience sexual or physical abuse, your nervous system goes into what we call survival mode. This is not weakness, this is biology. Your body might freeze like you can't move, you you go rigid, you can't scream. This is a survival response, not consent. Okay? Don't confuse that. You might fight, you might push back, you resist, you try to escape. This is your body protecting itself. You might flee, you might run away, you might disassociate and leave your body mentally, like you're not there. Or you might fawn, might completely go numb, or you just might comply and do what the abuser wants because you just want to get it over with. This is survival, not acceptance. Okay, all of these are normal. All of these responses are completely normal through your nervous system trying to keep you alive. Right after the abuse, you might not feel anything. You might go numb. You might feel like you're watching yourself from outside of your body, right? This is dissociation. Your mind is protecting you from overwhelming pain. It's it's a gift from your nervous system, even though it feels wrong.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

You might not cry, you might not feel scared, you might feel empty, but that's normal. That's what shock is.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

When you think about it, to relate it if if you're someone who hasn't experienced this type of trauma, like we have, obviously. But if you're somebody who hasn't experienced this trauma, liken it to uh being in a car accident. When you're in a serious car accident, you don't know if you're really hurt. You can have adrenaline running, your mind's racing, you're trying to get a grip on what just happened, but you can have a broken bone. But you're you're so pumped up with adrenaline, you don't notice it. You don't notice the pain. It's a similar situation to that. But the psychological effect might be a little bit different because now we're talking about something personal that's happening to your body, not just a car accident. You know, this is not an accident. This is something somebody intentionally did to you. So I just wanted to liken the situation to the other, but show you the difference. Okay,

Shock Responses And Body Symptoms

SPEAKER_01 10:24

so your body might show signs of trauma immediately. You might feel pain or soreness, especially in areas where you were touched, touched or hurt. I I don't need to go into detail on that. I think y'all get the idea of what I'm talking about there. You might have difficulty breathing or shortness of breath, like you can't catch your breath because you're you're you're so traumatized by the situation. You might feel nausea or stomach pain, you might feel sick like you're gonna vomit or something like that. You might feel shaking. I don't know if you can actually see that, but you might shake, your hands might shake, or you might shiver, trembling. Rapid heartbeat, heart beating fast. Feel like it's about to beat outside of your chest sometimes. You might feel cold or hot, you might have difficulty moving or feel paralyzed, like there's a tremendous weight on you, like your limbs automatically just got heavy. You might have the urge to urinate or deathcate. You might have headaches or dizziness. All of these are normal responses to trauma. Your body is in survival mode. Okay?

What Not To Do Afterward

SPEAKER_01 11:44

Now I'm gonna tell you what you should not do. If you have just been abused, do not shower or bathe. No, you want to wash it away. You feel dirty, like it's a filth on you that you can't get off you. It's understandable. But the evidence matters if you choose to report it to the police.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

You have to wait. I know that's difficult, but you have to wait.

SPEAKER_01 12:16

The police have what's called a rape kit, and that can pinpoint who and prove that you were victimized by the person that you are saying victimized you. So you can be exonerated and not just to be said that it was consensual or whatever. They can tell. But if you wash yourself because you're feeling so dirty and just uh defiled, then you're washing away the evidence the police could use against your attacker. So this is very important. Do not wash your bathe if you plan on going to the police and filing. You have to do that like ASAP too. I just want to put that in there. Okay. Do not change your clothes. Same reason. Do not go to sleep if you can help it. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but your nervous system needs to process what just happened. You need time. Don't blame yourself. The abuser chose to hurt you, not the other way around. That's on them, not you. Okay. Your body is responding exactly the way it should. You're alive, and that's what matters right

Storm’s Story And Parent Red Flags

SPEAKER_01 13:44

now. So when I experienced my trauma immediately afterwards, I couldn't, I don't, I, I just, I was in a moment, I was in shock. I cause I my mind couldn't process why, the whys of why it happened. I couldn't, couldn't get myself to move. I don't know how long I stayed in that bathroom, to be honest with you. It was it was a long time. I was afraid to even come out of the bathroom. But uh the fear, it was tremendous fear. Yeah, so I I did feel like my body was heavy. Like I didn't, I couldn't move myself from the spot I was in. So Storm, I know this is a heavy topic tonight, but what did you wish someone had would have told you about what your body was doing, like immediately right after?

SPEAKER_02 14:35

I know I was a I was young and I was scared. So the things that you had told everybody to do, I didn't have nobody to say do these things because I was scared to say anything. I was scared to come out, you know?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

I was dreading. So what you gonna do? I had a knife pulled up to my throat. Like if you say something, then I'm gonna kill you. So what you were supposed to do. You know? Lived my life in fear for two years because this person didn't graduate. They hunted me for two years. So what you supposed to do when somebody chooses not, they supposed to graduate it, but they choose not to graduate because they wanted to stay at the school, still, and haunt you. And then go with your best friend so that they can get closer to hunt you. You know, the moment that that person was prosecuted because of another person that had the guts, that had the courage. And if I could hug that little girl, because she was younger, she was a little girl, she was a 12-year-old. And if I could have hugged her, I would have hugged her, I would have, I would have rained, I would have showered around her. I just would have just hugged her for the the power that she had. She took her power, and I didn't, you know. I froze. I lived in fear for two years. And I tried to laugh. I tried to live a normal life, but I didn't have a normal life. Because every day I went to school, I had to look at that person. And it was hard on me because my cousin didn't even know that this was going on. And I know that she would have stuck up for me. She would have done a lot of stuff for me, but I still was in constant fear. Even though my cousin was the big bad wolf, I still felt like, you know, that I feared this person. And I know my cousin would have gone through any arms to protect me, but I didn't even know how to pull and tug on her because I walked home behind her, and she walked up in front of me, and I walked on the whole time behind her, just with tears, crying. So it was hard on me, for real. And it was not blessing at all. So when you struggling or you're dealing with people that, you know, come up against you, it's a hard situation. So you have to just know that hold on, because you know, get help. I tell anybody, you know, if your child is going through something, the science is there because you pull back. You don't talk to nobody. You begin to go silent, you go norm.

SPEAKER_01 17:30

So am I there?

SPEAKER_02 17:31

And you don't want to have anything to do with nobody, and your happiness turns into this depressed little person. So if you see this happy-go-lucky child, just know.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

It will continue.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

When that child starts to change and the attitude starts to change and they're pulling back, something done happens. Immediately, you know, Alfonso was saying that, you know, get yourself immediately somewhere to the hospital, you know, so that they can perform the get the police out so they can perform the kit. You have 24 hours for them to perform the kit. So do it, like they say, you have to do it immediately because you have 24 hours before your body doesn't hold on to get that stuff. You know, and that's why they say you can't go to sleep, you can't really use the restroom or whatever, you have to go immediately to, you know, get it done so that you can have the 20, because it's 24 hours to do so. 24 hours.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Go to a neighbor's house, and just a public place, like I said earlier, call 911 if you're in immediate danger. Tell an adult you trust, a teacher, a coach, counselor, or a relative.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

As usual, sometimes we have technical, the technical difficulties, everybody. So you know, until you come back, the show must go on.

Safety Steps And Hotline Options

SPEAKER_02 18:53

What do you do now? Immediately safety and support.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

We are on the same page.

SPEAKER_02 18:58

If you're still in danger, get to safety first. Everything else comes after that. If the abuser is still there, leave if you can safely do so. Go to the neighbor's house, a friend's house, a public place, call 911. If you're immediately dangerous, tell an adult you trust, a teacher, a coach, a counselor, or a relative. If you can't leave right now, find a safe spot, safe space in the house, lock a door, text someone, do what you need to do to protect yourself. You need to tell someone, I know that's terrifying. I know you may be afraid that, you know, afraid of what happened, but you cannot carry it alone. Tell a trusted adult, a teacher, a coach, a counselor, a relative, a friend, a parent, a school nurse, a counselor, anyone who can help. If the person doesn't believe you or help you, tell someone else, keep telling until someone listens. Call a hotline. If you can tell someone in person, call a hotline. They're trained. They will believe you. They will help you. The national child abuse hotline is 1-800-422-4453. The number again is 1-800-422-4453. And it's 247. The natural sexual assault hotline is 1-800-656-4673. And it's 247. And the crisis line text home to 741-741. These are confidential. You can talk anonymously. They won't judge you. They will help you figure out the next step. They're confident you can talk anonymously. They won't judge you. Like I said, you can help, they will help you figure out the next step. A doctor, if you've been physically or sexual abused, you need medical attention. I know injuries. It feels you may not see basically a doctor can't provide emitted injuries. A doctor can't provide emergency if needed. A doctor can't do it. A doctor can physically with care. Tell them what happened. They'll be trying in trauma. They would treat you with care. Don't change clothes. If you choose to report, don't base your teeth. Don't eat a drink. Don't change clothes. Anything to see, don't eat a drink. Evidence can help you decide to report. Evidence can help you decide to report, but reporting is your choice. You get to decide you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

But reporting is your choice. There are people trained to help, and you deserve the help.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Like I said, when I finally did reach out, it was 10 years. But I don't want it to be 10 years for anybody else. I want you to get the help as soon as you possibly can. Because we all, you know, when we're victims, get the help that you need. Don't wait. Don't let nobody tell you to be scared. Don't be scared of anything. I was little. I was afraid. I didn't know. And if I would have known the things that I know now, I would have came forward. I would have got this over with, you know, and I would have got help sooner because I could be probably a better person. Because I was a handful for 10 years. I didn't give people a chance that they should, you know, owe many people an apology. And but that's what trauma does to you when you don't get the help you need. So reach out and get a trauma specialist. If, you know, you're a parent, you're looking at this, make sure you know the signs, symptoms, and wonders of your child. Because when they pull back and they're not responding to you, or they're not, they're not this same happy look, go lucky child, and the the smile don't went away and they begin to be agitated or they don't want to be touched, or, you know, things that you feel like they it wasn't wrong at first, but now it's like, what's wrong with my child? What happened to my happy-gock lucky son or my daughter? You know, these are the things that's going on. They've been sexually assaulted. And that's what it does to you. It makes you withdraw and pull back, you know, or be aggressive, you know. You begin to, you probably be mean and, you know, and you don't know, you know, that you are being this person. You don't even know that you done changed. But you're the everybody else could see it. And if you're annoying this, then please do not annoy it. Look for the signs because they're there. Parents, there are there. So don't look. Look for the signs because they are there. And you need to look for these signs because they'll tell you that something is going on with your child.

Fear Shame And Trauma Thoughts

SPEAKER_02 24:06

And, you know, as we go on, what's happening in your mind? Fragmented memories. You may not remember everything. You may remember only pieces. This is normal. Trauma doesn't record like a video camera. In intrusive doubts, the abuser replays in your mind. You can't stop thinking about it. Difficulty concentrating. You can't focus on anything else. Confusion. You may tell yourself it wasn't that bad. This was your mind protecting you. Guilt and shame. You may blame yourself. You may think you caused it. You didn't, because I know I did. And you may be secure people who didn't secure yourself and you're not going to be able to do that. And you can people that protect you. And you can pick back up. Alphonse and fear. Alphonso and fear.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Yeah, what segment are we?

SPEAKER_02 25:02

We on segment three. And we on segment three. And we on fear.

SPEAKER_01 25:09

Fear, fear, fear. Self-blame.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

Above that.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

We might be terrified.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

But safe.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Again, I apologize for the technical difficulties tonight, folks. Wow. Okay. Okay. Fear. You might be terrified of what'll happen next. Of the abuser, you might fear the abuser, or you might fear, have fear of telling somebody, you know, the repercussions of telling somebody how they might perceive what you're telling them. All of these are normal. All of these are your mind trying to process something that shouldn't have happened, right? So listen carefully. What happened is not your fault. This is a recurring thing we're going to keep saying tonight. This is not your fault. You might think, I should have said no, you couldn't. Your body was in survival mode. Could have said something like, I should have fought back. But you did what you needed to to survive. Could say, I should have told somebody. But you're telling somebody now. And that's enough. You could be saying, It's my fault. I caused this. If I wasn't in the same room with the but you didn't cause this. Your abuser chose to hurt you. You didn't ask for that. You might say, I'm dirty now, filthy. But you're not. You're a survivor. You might even say, Nobody's gonna believe you. People will believe you. And if they don't, that's their failure. That's not your fault. That's not your failure that they don't believe you. And I should tell you something else. If they don't believe you about something like that that's happening, maybe those aren't people you should be ever confiding in. The shame of you the shame you feel belongs to the abuser, actually, not you. Because they should be ashamed of what they did to you. You might not feel anything, or you might feel everything. Some survivors go numb. Some survivors feel empty. Like they can't cry. They can't feel scared. Their mind is protecting them from way too much pain at once. Like it would be very difficult for them to process it. They may shut down all the way together. So the mind protects itself from overwhelming trauma. Excuse me. Other survivors are flooded. They can't stop crying. They're like the total opposite. They're terrified, they're angry, their nervous systems are overwhelmed. Both situations are normal. Both situations is the body responding in survival mode.

Self Harm Urges And Anger

SPEAKER_01 28:12

So in the hours and days after the abuse, you might want to hurt yourself. If you're having thoughts of self-harm, call 988. That's the crisis and suicide lifeline. Okay? Talk to somebody. It doesn't hurt to talk to somebody. Somebody's manning that phone 24-7. You could talk to somebody any time of the day. I don't care if it's 3 o'clock in the morning. If you need to talk, they're there. They can get to somebody who can get to you that can help you where you need it at. Somebody local to you in your area. You're not alone in this, okay? You might want to hurt the abuser. Yeah, that's very common. I know I did it. I wanted to hurt my abuser. I can't imagine anybody who really didn't want to. You know, but that anger is valid. But acting on it actually will hurt you more. Because not only will you be a victim, you will be the one causing them pain and end up possibly in jail or worse, might end up in prison. We don't want you to go that route. We want you to stay free and be the person you're supposed to be, not in the system where the system is known to fail us over and over again. So you you want to you want to be angry. It's okay to be angry, but don't act on it. Don't don't become vengeful and act on it. There's other ways to act on it. True enough. You can't act on it in a positive way, but don't don't take it into your hands and and be judge, jury, and executioner. Okay. We might want to pretend it didn't happen. Like our mind is trying to protect us, but you need to process it. We have to process it. We gotta go through that. I mean, it's it's innate. And you know, we just went through it. Why do we want to replay it in our minds? We don't want to. We're trying to get farther as far away from the thoughts and the feeling of all of it because it just happened. We want to get as far away from that as possible. And what I'm telling you is to do the opposite, to do the exact opposite, to stay in that moment, to focus on everything that just happened, to understand what just happened, okay? You have to do that. You want to tell everyone, or you may not want to tell anybody. Both are okay. You get to decide who knows and who doesn't. You might want to run away. You might feel like you can't stay in your house, or you can't stay in your life. That's trauma talking. 988. That's the number you should be calling at that point. Okay? Don't make permanent decisions in the first hours. Wait and talk to someone. Get support first. Obviously, if you're I'll go back to the car accident analogy. When somebody, well, when you're in an accident, you you look at yourself, just looking at yourself. You say, I'm okay, but you don't know. You might have a cut in the back of your head, but you're not feeling that. But you say, I'm not gonna go to the hospital. But you've heard stories. People say, I'm okay, I'll be all right. And they leave, they don't go to the hospital to get checked out. A couple days later, they end up dead. Because something from that accident took time to travel or infected them or whatever the case was, and they end up passing away because of that. So it's imperative to go and seek help in these situations because not only is the shame trying to prevent you from it, but your health could be at risk too. You don't know what kind of damage they did to you. You need to find out. And the only person who really can find out is a doctor. You need to go, you need to go find somebody to help you. So in the in the trauma state, our minds are racing. We don't make the best decisions in the first week or so, I would say, after that, maybe a month or so, we don't make good decisions after that. So it it would probably be necessary or a good idea to try to find a therapist to talk to within that time frame or any time after that, actually. If you're really ready to deal with it or to make good decisions. But we're talking about possibly if this is children. If you're an adult and this just happened for you, try to talk to find a support group or something like that, and try to talk to somebody who understands and somebody who can point you in the right direction. Like you say, try to give support.

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Your mind is doing exactly what it's supposed to do, keep you alive. You know, be gentle to yourself.

SPEAKER_01 33:26

Talk to somebody, you know, because your mind you're not in the right.

SPEAKER_02 33:29

What goes through your mind right after? A lot of stuff goes through your mind right after because you don't know what's going on. You don't know what happened, you don't know what you're doing or what you're capable of. So a lot of things happen. So you have to just know that your body is in great shock. So please, you know, please take it, get the help, you know, because you know, you end up in a great deal of shock.

Grounding Skills For The Next Hour

SPEAKER_02 33:56

And it's not, it's not good. So the grinding techniques were to do when you're falling apart. Your nervous system is in overdrive, your mind is fragment, you need to bring yourself back to the present moment, back to your body, back to now. Grinding techniques to do, they're not, you're not a derpist. They're they're not a derpy, they're not survival tools. Use them when you are feeling like you are falling apart. So you have the techniques. It's called, you know, the 54321, uh sense of grounding. Now five things you can see, four things that you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing that you can taste. This brings your brain back to the present. It reminds you that you're safe right now in this moment. It's sample. Stand the stand the ceiling, ceiling, the lamp, the lamp, you know, my heat, you know, my heat. A picture, a picture, the door, the door, touch, touch, the blanket, the blanket, the floor, the floor, my hair, my hair, my shirt, my shirt, or my skin, my skin. Here, here, the traffic, the traffic, the fiend, the fiend, voices, voices, the wind, the wind, or your breathing, or your breathing, smell, smell, soap, soap, coffee, coffee, air, air, my pillow, my pillow, taste, taste, my mouth, my mouth, stout, stout, nothing, nothing. Do this, do this slowly. Really, really notice each day. Each day. Press your feet, press your feet to the ground. Feel the floor beneath you. Feel the floor beneath you. Stop if you need to. Stop if you need to. Feel your weight. Feel your weight. Feel yourself, feel yourself here. Say my feet. Say my feet are on the ground. I'm here. I'm here. I'm safe right now. Safe right now. This at the base. This at the base your five cents sympathetic nerve nervous system. Until you're not in danger. No. TV drinking. Then you want to cold cold water on the water to your face. To your face. Hold ice in your head. Or take a cold shower. Take a cold shower. Your virgress, your virgo, your virgress, your virgress. Nervous. Nervous. Nerves. Nerves. It interrupts the interrupts the trauma. Response. Responds. It brings you back to your body. This is called the diet. It works. It works. Move your body. Move your body. Shake. Shake. Dance. Dance. Walk. Walk. Walk. Walk. Press a pillar. Press a pillar. Do jump injects. Do jump injects. Movement. Move. Processes. Trauma. Trauma system. It tells your nervous system that the dangers has passed. Has passed. Your body can move. Body can move freely now. Don't stay still. Don't stay still. Move. Take D five. Take D five. Breathe in. Slow your breathing. Slow your breathing. This is the most powerful. This is the most powerful tool you have. Try to breathe. Have to breathe in four counts. Hold four. Hold four. Breathe out. Breathe out six. The long exhale. The long inhale activate your parasynthetic, parasynthetic nerves system. It tells your body you're safe. Do this for two to three minutes. Two to three minutes. Notice how your body notice how your body is changes. Touch yourself. Touch yourself gently. Wrap yourself in a clean. Wrap yourself in a blanket. Hold yourself. Hold yourself. Right. Babbles and babbles and forward. Disactivate your smoothie. System. System. It tells your nerves. You are being careful. For you can yours care for yourself. You deserve that care. You deserve that care. You're a grind, your grind, your grind, you are having flesh, you are having flourish fat. You're panicking. You are panicking. You can't stop. You can't stop thinking about the abuse. You feel like you feel like you're going to hurt yourself. You're overwhelmed, overwhelming. Can't funnage. Function. Function. There are emergency emergency tools. They're not long-term. Healing. Healing. But they can rule the next out the next hour. What wanting techniques that saved you that saved you, Alfonso?

SPEAKER_01 39:06

Man, I don't know. Because when I think about it, I don't I didn't have any of these techniques when I was going through it. I didn't have any of them. Imagine these things would have worked, but yeah, I didn't have the 54321 or box breathing. I didn't, you know, ground my feet or I didn't I didn't have any of that. I was just, wow, I was just trying to maintain on a daily basis, but I didn't know what I was doing. And I was trying to just live, live, and try not to think about it. So I guess I was repressing all that stuff back then. I wasn't living in the moment. But uh it was, I can imagine how much that would have helped me had I had those tools at the time. You know, the thoughts of suicide probably wouldn't have been so prevalent. The attempts wouldn't have been so grandeur, grand grandiose, should I say? Like setting my bed on fire while I was asleep in it, or trying to jump off the second story uh rooftop. Well, those those things probably wouldn't have been so pressing in in my head. But uh yeah, I didn't I didn't have any tools to help me. Did did you have you well you just said you didn't have any tools? So yeah, we see we're we're well, I use the me message because I'm not trying to tell on nobody's age, but I'm gonna use the me message. I'm 54 years old, so if you can imagine back in the 1970s, you know, didn't have all the stuff, the connectivity that we have today. So there was no one just readily saying, or a TV show to saying, you know, if you're experiencing drama, you're gonna try this stuff. There was none of that. None of that. If you didn't go to a therapist, you would not know about these techniques. And who knew that they needed to go to a therapist? Nobody knew at that time. So it was, it was, it was, it was how can I say it? It was a very troubling time. That's what I'll say. It was very troubling time because uh information was not as readily available as as it is now. So now we have the internet, we have so much accessibility, it's ridiculous. We don't have to go to libraries to find the information anymore. We can sit at home and just stroke a few keys on the keyboard and bam, it's right there in front of our face. But uh Yeah, that was

Why Resources Feel Hard To Find

SPEAKER_01 41:56

it. You this is the main reason I brought up Terror to Triumph. Because what we didn't have is now trying to make this a tool for people, this platform a tool for people to find the resources and things that they need because it's not readily available. I mean, you could walk down the street and there's nothing saying, you know, no billboard saying, have you experienced trauma, call this crisis line, or whatever? You don't see none of that stuff. It's not out there. Information is not really available. Even if you go on the internet, you have to literally type it in. They don't have ass coming to you, or are you feeling mental stress or fatigue? Has somebody tried to rape you or or touch you inappropriately? You know, there's nothing like that out there for us. We have to create it. And that's what I'm doing with Terra Triumph. I'm trying to bridge that gap, as I like to say it. You know, let the right hand, well, this is my right hand, let the right hand know what the left hand is doing and make them meet. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 43:02

So you got trauma, you got help. Put them together, okay?

SPEAKER_01 43:09

So if you have just been abused, you're in crisis, you're in shock. That's not weakness, that's reality. Okay, it's what you're going through right now, and you need support. You need help. Nothing wrong with that. But you give me a few more.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Tell someone, get to say the medical medical help. Do what you need to do to survive right now. Survive right now.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Remember what happened to you, not your fault, right? You have to keep saying that to yourself. Write it down, believe it.

SPEAKER_02 43:49

You're not alone. Not alone. There are people helping to help, and you just say you deserve help.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

You absolutely do. If

Share The Episode And Key Numbers

SPEAKER_01 43:58

this information has helped. Share this with somebody. Go tell it to somebody who you think might need it. Leave a review for us so more survivors can find Terror to Triumph. Remember, you survive. You're here. And that matters. We'll give you some uh phone lines to call. National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-422-4453. Again, that's a national child abuse hotline. 1-800-422 44-53. The next number, National Sexual Assault Hotline. That's 1-800-656-4673. Again, a National Sexual Assault Hotline. That's 1-800-656-4673. Then you have the Crisis Text line. That's a text line. So you could get on your phone and text. So the Crisis Text Line, you could text H O E to 741-741. So if you remember 741 twice, 741-741 and type home at your M E. You can get somebody to help you that way. And of course, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is 988. Again, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is 988. And this is something in the United States, everybody can call these numbers. Like I said, they're 24-7, 365 days out the year. So they're always on. Somebody's always manning these numbers, and you can always find the support and help that you need. Again, support the show at TerraTetriumph on buzzsprout.com. Check out the merch on peltsupporium.com. And remember, self-care isn't self-fish. It's the ongoing practice of honoring yourself. And that's that's what sustains trust. Stormy, have anything else you want to add to the story tonight?

Evidence Window And Rape Kit Reality

SPEAKER_02 46:25

Well, I know I know when when you it was at the beginning. And you had out for a minute, but a minute, but I rebot it. You have 24 hours to get to the police station. To get to the police station, to do your rape, to do your route you have. That's all you have.

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 46:51

That, see, that's that is exactly why the information was there telling you, do not wash. If you want to make the conscious decision to go and report what happened to you to the police, you cannot wash up. You cannot change clothes. Wear the same stuff. If it's torn or something like that, get a blanket or a sheet and put over yourself. Go to the hospital. The hospital will call the police. So you don't have to make two trips. You could go straight to the hospital, tell them, hey, I've been assaulted, I've been sexually assaulted, I've been battered, I've been abused, I'm a victim of domestic violence. Whatever the trauma is, go straight to the hospital. Don't wait, you know, hours because hours is critical in the evidence gathering system that they do when they do the forensic science. They need to do the rake kit and find out what's going on. You know, you might have scrapes, cuts, bruises. It might be DNA in those, you know. You might have scratched the person and you got their DNA up underneath your fingernails. There's no telling. But if you wash up and bathe, you wash all that stuff away. That's why in that first 24 hours, as Storm said, it's critical for you to go to the hospital and tell of your situation. If that's what you choose to do, if you wish to report your situation. Yes. Yes. So that's absolutely true. You're right, Storm, about that. And did I take it you got that information because of your personal experience?

SPEAKER_02 48:34

No. No. I didn't know about it. I didn't know about it. Yeah. I just uh I just uh found out about it, out about it, go to a family member. A family member that was assaulted. That was assaulted. And they had 20 24 hours to get to the police station. Get to the police station.

SPEAKER_01 48:55

So you guys see that? Information is not readily out there. This is what I'm trying to tell y'all. So, as you can see, we're bringing the information to you. As we find it out, we're letting you know. It don't get no real than that. Because we know what to look for as far as survivors go. We know what we've been through as people who didn't have access. So imagine us finding out. That's like, that's like you, you, you love sweets, you love cakes and stuff like that, right? And you driving down the street and you find they just opened up a bakery in my neighborhood I didn't know nothing about. You're gonna tell everybody, right? Because you want everybody to get that good information. Terry the Triumph is the same way with survivors. We find that good information, we bring straight to you. ASAP. As soon as we find out.

SPEAKER_00 49:53

So one more day. One more day. Oh, come on, tell me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

Okay, okay. 24 hour hours. Because they did 24 hours. Those purses. Those purses are to Jerry. They was caught. They was caught. They all went to jail.

SPEAKER_01 50:12

Oh, they were? They were caught.

SPEAKER_02 50:14

Yeah, it was six it was six of them. They was caught. They was caught.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

I'm so grateful to hear that. I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

That's why the rape kit, D and A and A, because the fingernails, fingernails, everything, everything mattered.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

So it was very crucial to the planning, to the police and everything in that situation, that the information was able to be gathered and then disseminated or used to find out who did what and where to find them.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

Because when they're ready in the criminal system with the DNA, the DNA, because you know, because you know another fingernail fingernails, you know, you know. It mattered, you know, when she scratched these particular persons, and you connect the dots. Because they're gonna say, I'm gonna say I won it by myself. And and it wasn't that it wasn't dead, it was caught was caught because then it was caught because they don't want to go down by themselves.

SPEAKER_01 51:33

Well, you know what to say about that one. I mean, I I got some things to say.

Court Follow Through And Parole Risks

SPEAKER_01 51:37

Don't get me wrong. I want to say some stuff, but I don't think that would be appropriate for our show for me to talk about stuff like that, because that's our criminal justice system, and we need those guys to do what they need to do to help keep us safe and keep people that need to be off the street, off the street. And it's they're a critical part of the process.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

And one and one in another day, another day. If they do get caught and they're victims of sexual sexual assault assault, I know that I know that this this feels bad, but it's uh it's up to you to keep it out for them not to come out, not to come out. You have to keep those trials. You have to go to when they say we need you to decide if they tape a roll, tape parole or not or not. You can stop from getting from getting getting parole paroled. But you got to do your work, your work. And I do up to apologize. But but you do have to do your homework, homework, and do the work, and do the work.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

Well, you heard it first from a victim who knows firsthand.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

It's a system that is flawed, but we have the wherewithal within ourselves to go and be present and speak our voices to this.

SPEAKER_02 53:16

Yeah, because if you if you don't, they will be they will be paroled. They will be released. And they back and they back out on the street. Guess what? Guess what?

SPEAKER_01 53:25

To do it again. To do it again. And I pray that's not the case.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

That's the case. That's the minute, a minute, in situations of many, many people would tell you, yeah, I did it. I did it. And and when they're released, when they're released, I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm gonna do it again. I'm gonna do it again.

SPEAKER_01 53:43

Well, if they're saying stuff like that, they never gonna be released. But no, but that was that was they would they is not a comment upon the the victim, that's a problem within the parole system itself. If they're saying they're gonna do it again and parole still release them, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_02 54:02

Because then because then they said in the in the wrong wrong. But the reason why you have methods and you have and you have things in the in the jurisdiction system is because people take guns to the court to the courthouse. And when they when they release the person, it was like I'm gonna go to jail because I'm gonna hit be released. Because the guy shopped his father, because his father wrong, and he said that he said that I'm gonna get your daughters again, again, because he broke his twin his twin daughter, daughters. So he shot his daddy, his daddy's head in the courtroom. In the courtroom.

SPEAKER_01 54:50

I remember that story. I actually remember that story. Well, it's like like we just said, you had to do your due diligence. You have to go to the court and report and speak your voice, let your voice be heard. If you don't, you have to suffer through the consequences of them possibly being paroled. If you think that they're a minister to society and they have not changed, or you don't think that they will ever change, you need to speak up. And um, we are out of time for tonight.

Closing Support And Next Live Shows

SPEAKER_01 55:24

We have to get up out of here. Thank you again, Storm, for being my co-host. I appreciate you so much. Guys, be safe out there. Keep your head on the swivel. Seek the help that you need. If you're already in the process of talking to a therapist, continue. Do the work. Don't give up. It gets better. For those who haven't sought help yet, know that you're not alone. And there are many of us out here, many, many millions of us out here in your same position who didn't know which way to turn. And now you have a system set up in place to link the dots. You can get help. We can give you the information. Tell your friends, tell your family, tell your loved ones, tell everybody about Terry the Triumph to help keep the movement going and help keep the healing happening. We thank you for joining us, and we'll see you tomorrow at 9 30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And again on Saturday, 9 30 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We are signing out Alfonso and Storm. This has been Terror to Triumph, and we thank you for coming. Have a good night.