20 Signs You're the Obstacle Standing in Your Own Way

You keep telling yourself you need more information, more confidence, or better timing before you make your next move. But what if that's not what's actually keeping you stuck? In this episode of Cupcakes and Clarity, Lisa Pirinelli shares five subtle ways we become our own biggest obstacle without even realizing it. From endlessly researching to waiting until you feel "ready," these protection patterns often disguise themselves as responsibility, logic, and common sense. The problem is they quietly keep you from making the decisions that could change your life.

You'll learn how to recognize these hidden patterns, ask better questions, trust yourself more deeply, and stop waiting for certainty that may never come. If you've been circling the same decision for weeks, months, or even years, this conversation will help you uncover what's really standing in your way.

 What listeners will learn:

• Why your biggest obstacle may not be what you think it is.
• How fear disguises itself as logic, responsibility, and productivity.
• Why gathering more information can become a form of procrastination.
• The truth about confidence and why action creates it.
• How the search for certainty keeps you stuck.
• Why eliminating all risk is impossible.
• How asking too many people for advice creates more confusion.
• The difference between seeking guidance and seeking permission.
• Why "I don't know what I want" is often masking a deeper fear.
• Questions you can ask yourself to uncover what's really holding you back.
• How to recognize whether your intuition is signaling excitement or genuine warning.
• Why awareness is the first step toward lasting change.

Reflection Questions: When You're Giving Everyone Else a Vote

If this pattern showed up for you while listening, spend a few minutes with these questions:

• Whose opinion am I giving the most weight to right now, and why?
• What do I already know that I keep asking other people to confirm?
• Am I looking for guidance, or am I looking for someone to make the decision for me?
• How many opinions would actually feel like enough?
• What answer am I secretly hoping someone will give me?
• Whose disappointment am I trying to avoid?
• What would change if I trusted myself just 10% more?

FAQ:

Why do I feel stuck even when I know what I should do?

Often, feeling stuck isn't caused by a lack of information. It's caused by fear, uncertainty, or subconscious protection patterns that make avoiding action feel safer than moving forward.

How do I know if I'm overthinking a decision?

If you've gathered plenty of information but continue researching, asking for more opinions, or waiting for the perfect moment, you're likely overthinking rather than lacking clarity.

Why am I waiting until I feel confident?

Many people believe confidence comes before action, but confidence is usually built through experience. Taking small steps while feeling uncertain is often what creates lasting confidence.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Cupcakes and Clarity, a podcast for high achieving women who want success and fulfillment without burning it all down. I'm your host, Lisa Pirinelli, and every Tuesday I'm bringing you honest conversations and practical strategies to help you create more balance, purpose, and joy in your work and your life. Think of this as a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend. Together we'll get real about the challenges you face, and you'll leave every episode feeling clear, confident, and inspired to make your next chapter your best one yet.

SPEAKER_01 0:35

Hi, welcome back to Cupcakes and Clarity. I'm Lisa Piermeling. I was recently interviewed on another podcast, The United State of Women, where I got to sit on the other side of the microphone and was asked questions about me and my path to becoming a life coach. And I got to share how I help women in leadership and their works in lives. And I loved sitting down with one of the hosts, Julie Dean, who is a dear friend, and also she is the editor of this podcast. And we worked together as mentor coaches at Allies Inc. before. And it was really fun and unique and different to have the chance to sit back and just answer questions, since I'm the one who's usually asking the questions. And one thing that I noticed as I was sharing my own story, I was remembering how it was my own biggest obstacle and making the transition to stepping out of one career and into another. And it's something I still have to work on for myself when making tough or big decisions, and sometimes not even tough decisions, just decisions in general where I can be in my own way. And it's definitely something I see frequently when working with my clients. Because have you ever noticed how easy it is to see what's holding someone else back? You can easily spot the pattern. You hear their excuses hidden within their explanation, maybe even, you know, when they are overexplaining. You can see the thing they're avoiding. And yet when it's our own life, somehow everything just gets a lot murkier. And we tell ourselves things like, we need more time or more information, a better plan. You know, I just need some more confidence or I need more certainty. And while all of those things sound reasonable, I'd notice something interesting after coaching women through these career changes and business decisions and life transitions and major crossroads. Most people aren't stuck because they lack clarity or information. They have all the data they need. They're stuck because a protection pattern is standing between them and the thing they already know they need to do. So today's episode is about recognizing those patterns. And we're not going to do it from a place of blame, a place of judgment, but we're going to do this from a place of awareness. Because once you see the pattern, you can finally do something about it. So the hard truth that most people miss is that most people think being your own obstacle looks dramatic or very obvious, but it doesn't. Usually it looks responsible. Like you're just weighing your options, you're taking time to really think it through. And it can seem logical, like you're researching all the possibilities, you're finding the best resources, you're seeking expert advice or practical, where you are just being a realist, you're getting your ducks in a row, or you're trying to determine the perfect timing since life and work are so crazy busy right now, as if life and work really ever fully slow down, right? There's going to be ebbs and flows, there's going to be peaks and valleys. But overall, if you really look at your life, right? If you're a person who has a very full life and you're working and you have a lot going on in your life, that perfect timing really never exists. So sometimes it even looks productive because you are actively doing some sort of problem solving to make this decision. Even if it's all just internal dialogue spinning over and over, like it's just in your head. Like if you could just step outside of your body and look at yourself, you may have never moved from your desk. You may not, you may have just done this in the shower in bed as you're laying there going to sleep or you're waking up. Your brain is spinning over and over with this information. So you are spending time actively problem solving in your head. So it feels productive. But anybody looking from the outside would look at you and think, no, that's not productive. You've not done anything. You've not taken actually any action. And that's what makes it so hard to spot. The obstacle doesn't show up wearing a name tag that says, hello, I'm fear. It just disguises itself as common sense. So let's take a look at a few examples that are really going to help solidify this and showcase the patterns that'll make it easier for you to spy. So sign number one, you're gathering information instead of making a decision. And what this can sound like is I just need a little more information, or I need to think about it, or I want to do more research. Sometimes that's true, but sometimes you've already gathered enough information to make a decision. What you're really searching for is certainty. The challenge, certainty usually doesn't come before the decision. It comes after you've made one. So let's look at an example and then we'll talk about how to shift it. This one I see a lot with women who are thinking about career changes. So let's they've listened to the Business and Career Strategy podcast. They've read the articles, they've talked to friends, maybe even trusted colleagues, and they've updated their LinkedIn profile. Maybe they've even looked at job postings for months, right? Months. They're like taking these steps behind the decision that make them feel like they're doing something towards making the decision. So every time they get close to taking action, they then tell themselves they need to do a little more research first. Maybe even go take another class, a certification, right? There's just something else that needs to be done. And at some point, the information isn't the thing holding them back anymore. The decision is. So how do we shift this? One question I love asking is what information are you waiting for that you don't already have? And if the answer is something like, I just want to know it'll work out, well, then that's not information. That's a guarantee. And life doesn't offer those. Sometimes the next step isn't finding more answers, it's making a decision with the answers you already have. So sign number two, it could be you're waiting until you feel ready. And what this one sounds like is I'll do it when I feel more confident, or I just need to get over my fear first. The problem is that confidence is rarely what creates action. Action is usually what creates confidence. So let me give you another example. Think about learning to ride a bike. Nobody becomes confident and then gets on the bike. You may have to pump yourself up a little bit and you know get that moment of like, I can do this and self-talk. But overall, your confidence is not there yet because you haven't had the experience. So you get on the bike, you wobble, you feel awkward, you might even fall over. And confidence shows up later because you've had experience. Yet somehow as adults, we convince ourselves that confidence is supposed to come first. So how do we ship this one? Instead of asking, when will I feel ready? Try asking, what is one small action I can take while feeling unready? Because readiness isn't usually a prerequisite for growth, it's often the result of it. So sign number three, you're trying to eliminate all risk. And what this one sounds like is I just want to make sure I'm making the right decision. But underneath that is often, I want a guarantee that nothing will go wrong. And unfortunately, as we talked about, life doesn't offer guarantees. So for this example, imagine you're standing at the edge of a swimming pool. And I chose this example because movement is extremely relatable. At least for me, I think most people will, because right now it's summer here, and my kiddo loves the swimming pool. And our swimming pool is not heated, it is cold. So even if it's 80 degrees outside, I know that water is cold. I do have at least the experience to know in the past it's been cold. So I she does not care. She'll get in it and be totally fine. I know I'm gonna be cold, and I don't like to be cold in the water. So imagine you're standing at the edge of the swimming pool and you know you want to know exactly how cold that water is, exactly how it will feel, exactly how quickly you'll adjust to the temperature, exactly how comfortable you'll be. The problem is that some things can only be learned by getting in. So you can gather information forever from the edge of the pool and still never know what it's actually like. So the shift this one, instead of asking, how do I know this is the right decision? Try asking, if this decision doesn't go perfectly, do I trust myself to handle what comes next? Because confidence isn't trusting the outcome, it's trusting yourself. Because sometimes things won't go the way you hoped. That guarantee won't be there. But trusting yourself that you will be able to handle it, you will be able to pivot, and you will be able to get yourself into a situation that you do want is trusting yourself. And you do have proof of that if you really think back on it. And if you need help, I'm here to help you remember those things. But you have done great things and you have pivoted and you have gotten yourself out of it. So if this still feels too big, where you're like, okay, you're just asked me to jump in the pool. I know it's gonna be cold. I know I'm gonna need to adjust. You can dip your toe in, right? I do this is something I do all the time, right? I know that water's gonna be cold. Yet today I'm like, how's it gonna feel today? Maybe my body will be able to adjust to it, but I'll just dip my toe in, or I'll go sit on the step and I'll just kind of gradually move myself into the water, knowing each step with a way I'm having to adjust to it. And then it's gonna be a little uncomfortable for a while. But then, like, I'll finally get to my waist and then I can walk into the low end of the pool, right? This took a lot longer, but I was able to take little tiny steps to build confidence until I was finally in the water, just swimming, freely, having fun. So, is it better to sit at the pool and continue to take information without experiencing it and just thinking about it? Or is it better to slowly and gradually take steps to get in to feel comfortable and confident, or do you rip the band-aid off and just jump in? Only you know what'll work for you. You know, your strategy there may be different based on the situation and how big of the decision it is, or how uncomfortable you're willing to be as you make it. So, sign number four, you're giving everyone else a vote. And what this sounds like is like, what do you think I should do when you ask others that? Or I just want to get a few more opinions. And advice can be helpful, but sometimes gathering opinions becomes a way of avoiding responsibility of your own decision. So let's talk about an example of this one. Have you ever noticed that sometimes the more opinions you gather, the more confused you become? We've talked about this in other episodes. This is something I I've talked about a lot because when we're uncomfortable with the uncertainty of an outcome or we don't feel clear on something, we tend to reach out to others hoping that something will either click or they will know something that we don't, or that we'll that something will become clear, or we're asking for permission for something. Like, right, we just keep going to other people. Maybe it's a spouse, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's a colleague, but you're seeking answers outside of yourself. But it creates more noise. It's making you have to shit like filter through even more opinions than just your own that you already are giving yourself a pro-con list, right? Now you have even more. It takes more time and effort and energy to try to filter through all of this information to figure out which one resonates with you the most. Because listen, like we have friends that are gonna say, someone's gonna say, go for it. Another's gonna say, be careful. Someone else says, wait. Someone else says, take the leap, jump in the pool, it'll be fine. And eventually you're carrying around everybody else's fears, preferences, experience, and perspectives. And your own voice gets drowned out. So, how do you shift this? Ask yourself, what do I already know that I keep asking other people to confirm? And that question tends to cut through a lot of noise because often the answer is already there. It's just buried underneath everyone else's expectations. So the next time you find yourself asking one more friend or one more coworker, one more family member what they think, pause and ask yourself, what do I already know? And I keep asking other people to confirm. Because sometimes we're not looking for advice, we're looking for permission. And those are two very different things. So, this sign that we're talking about here, the one where you're asking other people for advice, this one can be a really sneaky one and it can be a really challenging one because it again masks itself as responsible and it can seem very logical. So it's not always easy to get the answer that I'm asking you to get. If that, if you're like asking yourself, what do I already know that I keep asking other people to confirm? And you're just like kind of stuck and it that question is not really helping you get there. Check out the show notes because I'm gonna put in some reflection questions that really will help you see this from different angles so that you can it could just really help you work through this one. Hopefully it's really helpful. And if you also, if you need additional help, you can always reach out to me, send me a note. But check out the show notes because I'll put some some helpful questions in there and reflection questions that could help you go a little bit deeper. Okay, last sign, sign number five. You keep saying you don't know what you want. And this one is also sneaky because sometimes you genuinely don't know. But many times what I hear is something more like, I know what I want, but I don't like what it might require. Or I know what I want, but I'm afraid of disappointing someone. Or I know what I want, but the next step feels uncomfortable. Sometimes I don't know is actually I know, but I'm scared. And those are very different problems. So let's talk about another example on this one. A client once told me, I don't know whether I should take the offer to make this change in my business or keep it as it is. So she doesn't know if she wants to make a change or just keep things going, right? So we can this can relate to many different things. In her case, it was business, but in real life, it could just be any kind of change you're wanting to make. So as we talked, it became clear she knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to make the change. What she didn't know was how to handle disappointing people, giving up stability and stepping into that uncertainty. So the confusion wasn't actually about the decision. It was the fear about what came after it. Right. She she knew that this. So looking back at her example, and I know you don't know all the ins and outs of the of the actual situation, but again, she like in her case, she knew that she wanted to make the change, that it was an excited something she was a little bit excited about. The potential to grow her business would be there from making this change. Overall, it could make things even better than they already are. But to do so, she wasn't sure if it was going to happen. She didn't know the timeline of when it would happen. She was going to have a couple of difficult situations, potentially difficult. Actually, she didn't even know they were going to be difficult. She just thought they might be difficult and she might be disappointing people, but she wasn't even sure. That was already, she could admit, that was already a story she was putting in her head about how things were going to go, even though she hadn't actually done that yet. So it was another situation where she was overthinking and possibly creating the story that wasn't even true, which was another roadblock to making a decision. So, you know, she knew this could be good, but she wasn't certain. There was no certainty, there was no guarantee. But she knew she was excited about it. And the more we talked about it, going back and having proof of like, well, if it didn't go the way you want, do you feel confident you could pivot and make changes that would be okay?

unknown 18:37

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

And you and having the experience to know that and having that awareness to look at that and from a different perspective was really, really helpful. So another way you can shift this is the next time you hear yourself saying, I don't know what I want, pause and ask. If I had to choose today, what would I choose? If I had the timeline that I had to choose today, the deadline, what would I choose? And don't worry about whether you'll act on it. This is just about noticing the answer because sometimes the clarity is already there. What's missing is the willingness to face what that clarity requires. Quick pause here because if you're listening and thinking, okay, I see myself in at least one of these, you're exactly why I created the Freedom Map Clarity session. One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that they're stuck because they need more information or a better plan. Most of the time, that's not actually what's happening. There's usually a hidden obstacle underneath the obstacle, whether it's a pattern, a fear, a belief, a trade-off they haven't yet acknowledged, a decision underneath the decision. And because they can't see it clearly, they keep circling the same issue over and over again. So maybe you're asking, what do I already know that I keep asking other people to confirm? Or whose disappointment am I trying to avoid? Am I looking for guidance or am I looking for permission? The Freedom Map Clarity session is designed to help uncover what's really keeping you stuck so you can stop spinning, start making decisions with confidence, and move forward. Because clarity doesn't come from thinking about the problem longer. It comes from finally understanding the real problem you're trying to solve. All right, let's get back to our five signs. So every episode, I like to share a cupcake moment, which is finding joy or clarity or connection in everyday life. And this conversation reminds me of something I caught myself doing recently and have caught myself doing off and on. And because this doesn't always have to be about making a big decision. Sometimes these are smaller decisions that we're either avoiding for discomfort or just for the fact that it's not something that's our strength and that we don't love doing. A really great example is what I'm getting ready to share. This is really just about like doing an email. This was about doing an email. It wasn't even like this big major thing. But I knew with sending this email, like I could potentially get a response that was going to be difficult or wasn't going to be the one that I wanted. And then I would have to keep, you know, go back and forth with this person a little bit. There would potentially be some negotiation needed to be involved, which I didn't really want to deal with. So I had this email on my to-do list and it kept getting moved from one day to the next. Every morning I tell myself, I'll get to it later. And then tomorrow would come. And same thing. The following week, yep, still there, still needing to do it. And at first I told myself it was because I was busy. I had other bigger priorities I needed to work on. I told myself it wasn't urgent. But eventually I had to be honest with myself. None of those things were actually true. The task wasn't. Difficult. Sending an email is not difficult. I wasn't too busy to take this time to send a very quick email. I wasn't lacking time in being able to do this or skill, right? None of this. But what I was really avoiding was the discomfort of doing it. And I was just more so not even the action. It was avoiding what could potentially coming back to me. The uncertainty, the disappointing someone else, or the cre saying something that they may not like. And the moment I admitted that, the resistance lost some of its power. I think we all do this in different areas of our lives. Again, sometimes it's big decisions, sometimes it's this where it's not really a big decision, but it's just like you know that the it could create maybe a slight conflict, or it's just not all rainbows and sunshine from the outcome of whatever it is you're doing. So we create really convincing explanations for what we're not why we're not moving forward. And sometimes those explanations are true, but sometimes they're simply helping us avoid something uncomfortable. So what do you do when you realize that you're the obstacle? First, don't make yourself wrong. The goal here isn't self-criticism, the goal is awareness. Most of these patterns developed for a very good reason. And at some point, they protected you, they helped you avoid mistakes, avoid criticism, avoid disappointment, avoid uncertainty. The problem is that once what once protected you can eventually become the thing that limits you and holds you back from doing the things that matter most to you in the long run. So instead of asking what's wrong with me, which I know is a default for me. So this is me talking as much to myself as it is to you. But it is something I commonly see with friends and clients is that we look at ourselves first and think, what did we do wrong? Why where am I wrong in this? So instead try asking, what am I trying to protect myself from? And that question tends to reveal a lot. And once you know the answer, you get to decide, is this protection still serving me? Or is it keeping me from the life I actually want? And when you're working to make a big decision and you are aware that your own fear, even at a low level, is the culprit keeping you from moving forward. Another way to tap into your intuition is to let yourself check in to see if the fear is igniting a feeling of excitement, maybe along with some caution or nervousness. Or is it a feeling that goes beyond that and is more dreading the next step? If you're nervous but it sparks some excitement, then it's worth exploring further and noticing where you're possibly the roadblock. If it's your own nervous system lighting up with dread or deep-rooted fear, then it's your intuition calling for a deeper dive or possibly even a full stop. So listen closely and follow your own signals. They're speaking up louder than you may be used to hearing. So if today's episode resonated with you, I want you to remember this. Being your own obstacle doesn't mean you're a problem. It doesn't mean you're not on the right path. It doesn't mean you're incapable or even a procrastinator. It usually means you've developed a strategy for avoiding discomfort. And that strategy has become so familiar, so ingrained, that you don't even realize it's running. But the good news, the moment you see the pattern, you can change the pattern. And sometimes that's all it takes to create momentum again, because you might not be stuck for the reason you think. And once you discover what's really standing in your way, moving forward becomes a whole lot simpler. So thank you for joining me today. I hope this episode was super helpful and you'll be able to see the patterns going forward, maybe in yourself, maybe in with others, so that you can share this. And be sure to check out the show notes for those additional reflection questions to even help you more. And awesome, I will see you in the next episode.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Cupcakes and Clarity. If today's conversation inspired you and you'd like even more tips and strategies tailored to your life, go to LisaParinelli.com forward slash resources for more self-guided tools. If you're ready for personal support to help you navigate what's holding you back, I'd love to meet you. Head over to LisaParinelli.com to schedule your free consultation call. New episodes drop every Tuesday, so be sure to follow or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. If you enjoyed today's episode, it would mean so much if you shared it with a friend or leave a quick review. Until next time, here's to creating more clarity, confidence, and joy in your life, one company at a time.