21 Transitioning Your Beliefs for Your New Season

Are you making today's decisions with yesterday's beliefs? In this episode of Cupcakes and Clarity, Lisa Pirinelli shares a personal revelation about how our internal "lens" can keep us stuck in old seasons of life and business.
We often think we lack information or a better strategy, but the real hurdle is often our identity. Lisa explores the "Ladder of Beliefs," the hidden cost of indecision, and why the most important question you can ask yourself today isn't "What should I do?" but "Who am I becoming?"

What listeners will learn:

• The Invisible Lens: How our beliefs become the "progressive lenses" of our lives—we stop noticing them and simply call them "the way things are."
• Yesterday's Beliefs vs. Today's Reality: Why the cautious beliefs that served you in your startup phase might be the very things sabotaging your growth now.
• Activity vs. Identity: Why focusing on "who you are becoming" creates more lasting change than focusing on your to-do list.
• The Cost of Indecision: How putting off a decision quietly borrows your mental and emotional energy, leaving you exhausted even on vacation.
• The "After..." Trap: How fear disguises itself as preparation and how to spot it.
• The Ladder of Beliefs: Understanding how belief grows over time and why you must become the version of yourself who can handle the decisions your future is asking for.

FAQ:

Why do I feel stuck even though I already have all the information I need?

Being stuck often isn't a lack of information, but a conflict between your current goals and outgrown beliefs. You may be trying to make today’s decisions through an internal "lens" that served you in a previous season but no longer fits the woman you have become.

What is the difference between activity-based and identity-based questions?

Activity-based questions focus on "What should I do?" which often results in busywork and temporary fixes. Identity-based questions ask "Who am I becoming?" which shifts your perspective and allows you to make decisions aligned with your future self rather than your past limitations.

How can I tell if a belief is holding me back?

A belief is likely limiting you if it feels like "just the way things are" or "being responsible" but results in chronic mental exhaustion. These beliefs are often invisible "lenses" that stay hidden until you intentionally slow down to question the stories you’ve been repeating as facts.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Cupcakes and Clarity, a podcast for high-achieving women who want success and fulfillment without burning it all down. I'm your host, Lisa Pirinelli, and every Tuesday I'm bringing you honest conversations and practical strategies to help you create more balance, purpose, and joy in your work and your life. Think of this as a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend. Together we'll get real about the challenges you face, and you'll leave every episode feeling clear, confident, and inspired to make your next chapter your best one yet.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Not too long ago, I joined a coaching program to grow my business. Now, before I go any further, let me tell you why that's important. It wasn't because I didn't know enough. I wasn't looking for another marketing strategy. I wasn't looking for another social media plan. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me how to coach. Honestly, I already knew a lot of those things. And if I'm really honest, part of me wondered if I even needed another coach. I remember thinking, Lisa, you literally coach people for a living. You teach decision making. You help women uncover what's really keeping them stuck. You've created the freedom map. How much more information do you actually need? And maybe you've had a similar thought like that before too. Not necessarily about coaching, but about life. Like, I know what I should do. I've read the books, I've listened to the podcasts, I've journaled about it, I've talked to my friends. So why am I still here? Well, that was me, because information wasn't my problem. Something else was. I just couldn't see it yet. And that's the funny thing about beliefs. They're invisible while you're living inside of them. You don't wake up one morning and think, I think I'll limit myself today. Nobody does that. Instead, beliefs quietly become the lens we look through. And after a while, we stop noticing the lens. We just assume that's what reality looks like. And it reminds me of the first time I got progressive lenses. And if you wear glasses, you probably already know where the story is going. If you don't, just stay with me. But I remember putting them on and thinking, these feel weird. Not the actual wearing of the glasses, but like looking through them felt so weird. And I was meeting a friend to go walk on a flat trail. It was totally flat. It's a concrete trail. And walking suddenly felt like a trust exercise. The ground looked farther away than it actually was. Everything was technically more clear, but it didn't feel right. And then something interesting happened. Within a couple of weeks, I stopped noticing the glasses completely. My brain adjusted, they became normal, and not because they disappeared, but because my brain adapted to them. And beliefs work the same way. We don't notice them anymore. We simply start calling them the way things are. I had been making business decisions through a pair of beliefs that had served me really well a few years ago. When I was first building my coaching business, when I was trying to prove myself, when I was figuring everything out, those beliefs actually made sense then. Be careful, don't spend too much money, wait until you're absolutely ready. Don't get ahead of yourself. Keep proving yourself. Work harder, stay safe. All good advice. For the season I was in, the problem was I wasn't in that season anymore. My business had grown, my experience had grown, my confidence had grown, but my beliefs hadn't kept pace. And I was still making decisions like the woman who had just started, not the woman I'd already become. And the part that completely caught me off guard, I didn't even know I was doing it, not until someone asked me one simple question. And it wasn't about my business strategy. It wasn't about my pricing. It wasn't about marketing. My coach simply asked, Lisa, what kind of business owner are you becoming? And I remember just taking that question in for a moment because that wasn't the question I'd been asking myself. I'd been asking, what's the next thing I should do? And she asked, Who are you becoming? And those are completely different questions. One is about activity, the other is about identity. One keeps you busy, the other changes you. And I spent much of my day contemplating that question in silence. I actually had a day where I had some quiet. And so I didn't listen to music, no podcasts, no phone calls. It was just me thinking. Because I realized something that was both incredibly humbling and incredibly freeing. I wasn't stuck because I lacked information. I was stuck because I had outgrown the beliefs that were making the decisions. And I'm here to tell you, I have a feeling I'm not the only one because I coach women who are incredibly capable. Women who have built careers, raised families, started businesses, they lead teams, support everyone around them. They're super intelligent, resourceful, hardworking, and yes, very responsible. They're the women everyone calls. Everyone else calls them when they need something to get done. And they're also some of the most mentally exhausted women I know. And not because they're incapable, obviously, because they're carrying decisions that were never meant to be carried this long. It's like walking through an airport with a suitcase whose wheels don't work anymore. And at first, you don't think much about it. You just pull a little harder, tug it, but then your shoulder starts hurting. Your arm gets tired. You stop every few minutes to switch hands. You're going back and forth. And eventually someone walks past you with a suitcase that just glides effortlessly beside them. And you realize, wait a second, it isn't that airports are hard. It's I've been carrying something I no longer need to carry this way. I wonder, what are you still dragging that no longer fits the season you're in? And maybe it's a belief about your career, maybe it's a belief about money, maybe it's a belief about being a good parent, or a belief about asking for help, maybe it's a belief about what's possible for your life, or maybe it's simply the belief that you've missed your chance. Whatever it is, I want you to hear this before we go any further. You are not a problem. You do not need more discipline. You probably don't even need another planner. And while I love books, I actually have a shirt on today that actually has books on it, which is really funny. You probably don't need another one of those either. What you may need is a different lens. Because here's something I've learned, not only from coaching hundreds of women, but from becoming one of them. Your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. And I want you to hold on to that sentence today, because we're going to come back to it again and again. Because I think it's one of the biggest reasons why so many smart, capable women stay stuck. Not because they don't know what to do, because they're trying to make today's decisions through yesterday's beliefs. And once I realized that, everything about the freedom map suddenly made even more sense. A few weeks after I had that realization, I was listening to my coach, Christine Williams. She was describing something she calls the ladder of beliefs. And I had one of those moments where you actually pause what you're doing because something clicks. And I thought, that's it. Not because it changed the freedom map, it didn't. It explained something I'd been witnessing inside the Freedom Map for years, but hadn't yet put it into words. Her framework describes how belief grows over time. And as soon as I heard it, I realized every woman I've coached has been walking through that same inner journey. The Freedom Map isn't just about helping women make decisions, it's helping them become the version of themselves who can make those decisions. And that's a very different thing because maybe, just maybe, the question isn't what should I do? Maybe the better question is who is making the decision? And I think that question might change everything. So welcome back to Cupcakes and Clarity. It's kind of midway through here, but I'm Lisa Pirinelli. So if you've been listening for a while, you know this podcast isn't about chasing perfection. It's about creating a life that feels like your own. One ordinary decision, one ordinary Tuesday, one cupcake moment at a time. And if you're new here, I'm especially glad you're here because I have a feeling this episode found you exactly when you needed it. So I want to introduce you to someone, and we're going to call her Danny. Now, before you think, oh, this is going to be one of those made-up stories, let me explain. Danny isn't one woman. She's made up of dozens of women. She's clients, friends, former coworkers, women I've met while speaking, women who I who send me emails, women who stop me after workshops. And if I'm being really honest, she's also pieces of me. So she's successful, she's responsible. She is that person everyone depends on. And if something needs to get done, people call Danny. If someone needs help, Danny figures it out. If there's a problem, she solves it. And from the outside, she looks like she's doing great because she's built a good career. She has people she loves, she has responsibilities that matter, and she has a calendar that could probably qualify as an Olympic event. And yet, almost every night, right about the time she finally climbs into bed, her brain decides it's time to host a full-on committee meeting. And you know what I'm talking about. Where no one RSVP'd, no one brought snacks, and yet somehow everyone has an opinion. Should I stay where I am? Maybe I should apply for that other position. What if I finally started the business? Should we move? Should I go back to school? What if I wait another year? What if this is as good as it gets? And around and around it goes, the same questions, the same scenarios, the same conversation night after night. And here's what I've noticed. Danny isn't exhausted because she's making hard decisions. She's exhausted because she's making the same decision every single day without ever actually deciding. There's the difference. And I think that's where so many of us quietly lose ourselves because indecision doesn't feel dramatic. It doesn't announce itself. It just starts to quietly borrow our energy. It takes a little here and a little there. Until one day you realize you're tired all the time. And I'm not talking physically. Most of us at work are probably sitting most of the day. It is mentally, emotionally, spiritually exhausting. You can be sitting on vacation, looking at the ocean, and still be mentally answering emails. You can be sitting at your daughter's soccer game while mentally rehearsing tomorrow's meeting. You can be having dinner with people you love while mentally redesigning your entire career. So have you ever caught yourself doing that? Someone asks you and you asked you a question and you realize you didn't hear a single word they said because your brain was totally somewhere else. It's not because you don't care. It's because your mind is caring too much. And though I know that that feeling very well, and God love my husband, but it seems to happen a lot where he's asking me a question. And I've had to tell him, I'm like, look, if I am not making direct eye contact with you, please know I am probably not hearing a single word you said. Before I finally just told him that, there would be so many times he'd be frustrated with me. And I'm like, you have just got to like, we have got to make eye contact, or I'm checked out. I am somewhere else. That really did help. So it's good to communicate as well. So if that's happening to you, though, where you're not, you find yourself where you're just not in the moment, you're not present, you're not hearing the questions that are being asked of you, people around you, that is expensive. And I'm not talking financially, although sometimes that too, but it's expensive because those are the moments you don't get back. It's expensive because your kids only tell that funny story once. Your spouse only reaches for your hand once in that moment. The sunset only looks like that for a second. Because life doesn't pause while we figure everything out. It just keeps moving. And I don't say that to create pressure at all. I say it because I think it's one of the biggest lies we've believed that clarity has to come before we start living. No, life is happening while we're figuring it out. That's why this matters. Not because I want you to make one big decision. Because I don't want you missing your life while you're trying to decide how to live it. There's another cost too. And I don't think we talk about this enough. Every day we postpone a decision, our brain quietly starts collecting evidence, not evidence about the decision, evidence about us. Like maybe I really am bad at making decisions. Maybe I really don't trust myself. Maybe I really do overthink everything. Have you ever caught yourself saying that's just the way I am? Or it's just, it is what it is. That's who I am. I used to say that too. I still have to catch myself sometimes doing those things. Saying things like, I'm just cautious, or I'm just someone who needs more information. You'll hear me say I'm slow to process. I am slow to process sometimes, but that doesn't mean that I don't actually, if I check in with my gut, that I don't have a thought or a decision ready to go. It's just my default. Where maybe you're saying, I'm just trying to be responsible now. There's nothing wrong with being thoughtful. Absolutely nothing. And I would much rather someone make an intentional decision than an impulsive one. But there comes a point where thoughtful quietly becomes fearful and we don't even notice the shift. Because here's the thing: fear, fear rarely introduces itself as fear. It usually disguises itself as preparation. Like I'll decide after I do a little more research or I'll wait until things settle down, I'll make the change after the holidays, right? I'll start that diet in the new year, after the kids are older, after this project, after I save a little more, after, after, after. And suddenly years have passed. So I want to ask you something. What sentence in your life currently begins with, I'll do that after. And so just notice it. This is not a time for judgment. There is no judgment here. There is no fixing. Just notice it. Because awareness is where clarity begins, not certainty, not guarantees, awareness. One of the things I say to clients all the time is you can't untangle a knot, you're pretending isn't there. And I think that's what we're doing together today. Not solving your whole life. We're simply noticing the knot. Because once you can see it, you stop pulling tighter. You begin loosening it. That's the freedom map. It isn't just about giving you better answers, it's about helping you ask better questions that uncover what's really happening beneath the surface. Because that visible problem is almost never the real problem. And I know that because I've lived it myself. And remember when I told you about joining the coaching program, I thought my visible problem was business growth. I thought I needed marketing. I thought I needed better systems. I thought I needed another strategy, like I was just missing some information. And those weren't bad things. They just weren't the real thing. The real problem wasn't my strategy. Those new strategies could, of course, be useful to benefit my business. Absolutely. They are valuable tools. But if I don't create that foundational clarity, I would be trying to take action towards growing a business based on beliefs that no longer match the woman running me. I was making 10-year business decisions with first-year beliefs. And no strategy in the world can fix that. Because again, your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. And that sentence changed the way I looked at my own life and my own business. And it also removes the shame in not accomplishing the goal yet. And it changed the way I looked at the freedom map too, because I realized every step of the freedom map is really doing one thing. It's helping you build enough belief to become the woman your future is asking you to be. Not all at once, not perfectly. Just one decision at a time, one conversation at a time, one ordinary moment at a time. And that's why the freedom map doesn't begin with your calendar. It doesn't even begin with your goals. It doesn't begin with a five-year plan. It begins somewhere much more important. It begins with coming home to yourself, reconnecting to yourself. So I want to tell you, what do you think? I think the most dangerous question in personal development is what's your goal? And I know that probably sounds strange coming from a coach because goals matter. I know some people are uncomfortable with the word goal. I am not. I appreciate the word goals. I have goals. I help people set them all the time, but not first. Because goals without clarity often become another way we perform for the world. We chase promotions we don't actually want. We build businesses that don't fit the lives we're trying to create. We volunteer for one more committee because we're good at saying yes, and we keep climbing ladders only to discover they're leaning against the wrong building. And I don't want that for you. That's why the first question that I ask in the Freedom Clarity session isn't what's your goal? It's something much quieter, much more revealing. I'll ask, what feels emotionally the loudest right now? Or what are you hoping all of these goals will help you feel? And notice I didn't ask what do you want to accomplish? I asked, how do you want your life to feel? Because underneath almost every goal is a feeling we're chasing, whether that be freedom, peace, confidence, connection, joy, presence, enoughness. Sometimes we think we want a new job. And what we really want is to stop dreading Sunday evenings. And sometimes we think we want to grow a business. What we really want is to be at our son's baseball game without checking slack between innings. Sometimes we think we need to become more productive. And what we actually need is permission to stop measuring our worth by how much we accomplish. And that's a very different conversation. And that's where the freedom map begins, not by asking you to do more, by helping you remember what matters most. Because here's something I've learned after coaching so many women. When you lose sight of what matters most, everything starts feeling equally important. And when everything feels equally important, everything competes for your attention. Your career, your family, health, your finances, friendships, volunteering, health projects. There's that text message you forgot to answer, the email you still haven't sent, the birthday gift you need to order. And it's like trying to listen to 10 different people talk at the same time. It's no wonder your brain feels noisy. It's no wonder you can't think. It's no wonder you lie in bed exhausted and while your mind is still awake. And is it because you're failing? It's because you've been trying to hold on to too many priorities at once. One of the greatest gifts of clarity isn't that it gives you more answers. It's that it gives you fewer things to carry. And that May sound simple, but think about your own life. When was the last time you felt true relief? Not excitement, not accomplishment, relief. The kind where your shoulders drop and that breathing slows down, and you think, okay, I know what matters now. I'm just gonna focus on what matters. And that's one of my favorite moments in coaching. It happens almost every Freedom Map Clarity session. It's where we'll spend time talking and then we're sorting through what feels complicated, looking at all the competing priorities. And then almost without fail, my client leans back in her chair. She takes a deep breath and says something like, Oh, now I see it. Or I thought I came here because of my job, but this isn't really about my job. Or I didn't realize how much pressure I'd been putting on myself. And it's nothing about that shows her circumstances have changed. She still has the same job, the same family, the same responsibilities, but something inside of her has shifted. She's no longer trying to solve 15 problems. She's finally looking at the one that's been creating the other 14. That's why I love this work, because when you see the real problem, you stop spending your energy solving the wrong one. And that's where something beautiful begins to happen. That noise gets quieter. And it's not because life is suddenly easy. It's because you're finally listening to the right voice, which is your own. So I want to invite you to do something. And it's not tomorrow, but just right now. I want you to think about all the things you've been carrying around in your head lately. Not your calendar, just in your mind, all the decisions that are swirling around, circling, all those worries, all the unfinished conversations, all the I need to remember moments. And now imagine setting every one of those things on the table in front of you just for a minute. Like if it was your messy drawer, like your junk drawer of your kitchen, and there's every single thing, just you just pull it out, it's all on the table. You don't have to solve them, you don't even have to organize them. Just notice them. And now ask yourself one question which one feels emotionally the loudest, not the most urgent, not the one someone else is waiting on. The loudest for you. Because that's usually where clarity begins. It's not with urgency, it's with honesty. And I think this is one of the reasons that I love baking so much. And I know I love to talk about baking, but I it is like my go-to way to calm myself. If I've things are really stressful, like if my husband knows I've had a day, I'm probably in the kitchen baking something. And so I'm not saying that cupcakes or baking solve life's greatest and biggest problems. But if you listen to this podcast for a while, you know I think they certainly make difficult conversations and moments of life a little sweeter. But baking has taught me something. When I'm making cupcakes, I can't mix the batter, decorate the frost with the frosting, wash the dishes, answer emails, and clean the kitchen all at the same time. Well, I could try and I'd probably have, but it would be a disaster. And instead, I have all along, I do the next thing. Mix the batter, pour the batter, bake the cupcakes, let them cool, then decorate. Each step prepares the way for the next one. I don't frost cupcakes that haven't cooled yet, because if I do, I ruin the frosting. Life works the same way. Sometimes we're trying to decorate a life before we've slowed down long enough to build a foundation. We're asking, how do I become more confident before we've remembered who we are? We're asking, how do I make this huge decision before we've become clear on what actually matters? We're trying to frost warm cupcakes and then wondering, well, why everything feels messy? And the freedom map simply says, let's slow down. Let's build the foundation first. Because clarity before strategy isn't actually slower. It's smarter. And here's why. If you skip the foundation, you eventually have to come back and build it anyway. The only difference is by then you've spent months or years walking in circles. So that brings us back to something my coach asked me, Lisa, what kind of business owner are you becoming? I've thought about that question many times since, and it's not because I finally found the perfect answer, because I realized I hadn't been asking myself enough becoming questions. I had been asking doing questions. What should I launch? What should I post? What should I create? What should I change? How can I serve more? How can I serve better? How can I be more clear so people understand how I help? And those are not bad questions. They're just incomplete. Because doing always follows becoming. Always. The business I want requires a different version of me, not a completely different person, a fuller version, a braver version, a more trusting version, a version who's willing to stop asking permission to take up space. And I wonder what version of you is your future asking for? Not someday, but now. Because here's what I've noticed. Every meaningful change in my life started long before anyone else could see it. It started with a quiet internal shift, a conversation, a realization, a belief that no longer fit. That's why people around you sometimes say, You seem different, but can't quite figure out what it is. Before anything on the outside has actually changed, because change always begins internally, long before it becomes visible externally. That's exactly what Christine Williams believe progression helped me put words around. Before we can live differently, we have to believe differently. And not in some magical positive thinking kind of way, but in a grounded, evidence-building, one step at a time kind of way, because your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. And that's why the second step of the freedom map matters so much. Because once you've remembered who you are, you can finally begin imagining where you are going. And that is where vision begins. Not the kind of vision that's printed on a poster in a conference room and not a five-year plan. I'm talking about something much more personal, a picture of a life that feels like you. Because here's what I realized in my own coaching. I had goals, lots of them, lots of them. I had plans. I had sticky notes. Oh my goodness, I still have so many sticky notes. Color-coded folders, workbooks from workshops I've gone through. I had enough ideas to keep me busy for the next five years. But if you had asked me, Lisa, what's the life you're actually trying to create? I don't think I could have answered you very clearly. And I knew what I wanted to accomplish. I wasn't nearly as clear on what I wanted to experience. And there's a difference, a really important difference. One of the reasons I think so many capable women feel stuck is because we're incredibly good at solving today's problems. We're planners, problem solvers, organizers. We're the people everyone comes to when life gets messy. But here's the downside: we become so focused on solving today's problems that we stop imagining tomorrow's possibilities. We become managers of our lives instead of designers of them. And I don't say that as a criticism. I say it because I lived it. Maybe you're living it too. Think about your average Tuesday. From the moment you wake up, someone needs something, right? The dog, the kids, your inbox, your boss, your clients, your spouse, the laundry that's sitting over there piled up, the grocery list sitting in your cart, the prescription you forgot to refill, that birthday card you meant to mail three days ago, and for some of us, maybe even three weeks ago. By noon, you've probably made 50 decisions, maybe more, and almost every one of them has been reactive. Respond, fix, answer, schedule, solve, repeat. And by the end of the day, you've been incredibly productive. But have you moved any closer to the life you actually want? Those aren't the same thing. That's one of the biggest shifts I hope this episode gives you. Productivity and progress are not interchangeable. You can become incredibly efficient at maintaining a life you've quietly outgrown. And that one stings a little, doesn't it? Because it did for me too. Because I realized I'd become very efficient at maintaining a business instead of intentionally building the business I actually wanted. A little after that coaching session, I was sitting with my notebook, and not because my coach told me to journal. Honestly, I think I was trying to avoid something else. You know how we do that. I'm going to process this. And as I mentioned, I love to consider myself a deep processor. In my world, I am slower to process than most of the people in my family. I really think things through. And, you know, I do that. I'm going to process this. Which again, sometimes seems healthy, and sometimes it is. And sometimes it's just prettier procrastination. I looked down at the page and wrote one question. If fear wasn't making this decision, what would I build? And the answer surprised me, not because it was wildly different, because it was bigger. And I'm not talking about bigger in revenue. I'm talking about bigger in impact. I realized I wanted to spend more time speaking, writing, creating resources that women could come back to years from now, building the freedom map into something that outlived a single coaching session, that really helped women have a tool to use for the rest of their lives, helping women learn how to think differently, not just what to do differently. And that vision had actually been there all along. I just hadn't been giving myself permission to look directly at it. Because once you admit what you really want, something changes. Now you have to decide whether you're willing to become the person who builds it. And that's vulnerable because now it matters. Maybe you've experienced that too. Sometimes we keep our dreams small, not because they're actually small, but because smaller dreams feel safer. And if I never fully admit what I want, then I never have to risk not getting it. And have you ever done that? I have. Absolutely. More than once. And it almost kept me from moving forward in this coaching program. And because I will tell you, now that I've joined it, that vulnerability was there where I was like, okay, now I've said it out loud. Now this is what I want. Now I'm working on it. And it has at moments it feels uncomfortable. And Danny, back to her, she certainly has. She's finally beginning to reconnect with herself. She's remembering what matters. She's starting to notice that the life she's been that she's just been maintaining. And it isn't necessarily the life she'd intentionally designed today. So naturally, her brain says, great, now let's be practical. And isn't it amazing how quickly practicality shows up? And let me be clear, I'm a practical person, and that's one of the reasons I think people enjoy working with me. I'm not going to tell you to quit your job tomorrow and move to Tuscany, although if that's your plan, please send me pictures and let me know what the guest room looks like so I can come visit you. But no, practical does matter. But practicality without vision becomes limitation, and vision without practicality becomes fantasy. The Freedom Map holds both. It gives your heart room to dream while keeping your feet firmly on the ground. And that's why I love it, because it's not asking, what's your biggest dream? It's asking, what kind of life are you actually trying to build? Because those are different questions. So let's pause again. I don't want you to think about your goals. I want you to think about your future memories. So imagine it's a year from today. You bump into someone you haven't seen in a while and they ask, So, how have you been? What do you hope is true? Not what do you hope you've accomplished. What do you hope is true? Maybe you say, honestly, I'm happier. I finally made that career change. I stopped bringing work home every night. I've been more present with my family. I trust myself more. Life feels simpler. And do you notice something? None of those answers start with numbers. They start with experiences. And that's because deep down, that's what most of us are really chasing. Not success for success's sake, a life that feels like our own. And here's the hidden cost of never creating that vision. You become incredibly easy to distract. Because if you don't know what you're building, everything starts looking important. Every opportunity, every request, every new idea, every course, every webinar, every social media strategy, every person telling you this is what you should be doing. Without a vision, everything sounds urgent. With a vision, discernment becomes so much easier. And not because you suddenly know everything, because you finally know what you're saying yes to. And that automatically makes it easier to say no. I think that's one of the greatest gifts clarity gives us. It's not more opportunities, it's better filters. Because every yes is also a no. Every commitment is a decision about where your life is going. And that's why this matters now, not someday. Because every season we postpone becoming the person we're meant to become is another season spent living from beliefs we've already outgrown. And life doesn't wait while we build confidence. Our children keep growing, relationships keep changing, opportunities keep appearing and disappearing. And I don't say that to rush you or make you afraid. I say it because I don't want fear quietly making decisions on your behalf. I don't want yesterday's beliefs deciding tomorrow's life because your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. And the beautiful thing is, belief grows. It isn't something you're born with. It isn't something a lucky few receive. It's something we build, one choice, one conversation, one act of courage at a time. But eventually, every one of us reaches a moment where believing a different future is possible isn't enough anymore. Because then the question also almost every one of us eventually asks, but is it possible for me? And that's where the Freedom Map takes a turn that I think changes everything. Because we're finally ready to uncover the decision underneath the decision. I think this is where the Freedom Map feels the most different from other coaching frameworks I've seen, because most people stay at the level of the visible decision. Should I leave the job? Should I stay? Should I move? Should I start the business? Should I ask for the promotion? Should I retire? Should I finally set that boundary? And those are all good questions. But they're rarely the first questions we should answer because underneath every visible decision, there's usually a quieter one, a more vulnerable one, one we don't always realize we're asking. And that's the one that's actually driving the bus. So one of my favorite coaching moments is it usually happens somewhere around that middle of the session, like I mentioned earlier, is where we talked through the goals and we talked through the overwhelm, all the competing priorities, the schedule, the relationships, and the stress. And then almost out of nowhere, my client will stop talking and she looks at me. Sometimes she laughs, sometimes she cries, sometimes she just sits there quietly. But that's where I then see that shift. It's in her more relaxed posture, the deep sigh, the tense, short answers start to sound more calm, conversational in response. And those moments for me never get old because nothing has changed outside the room. She still has the same boss, the same inbox, the same mortgage, same family calendar. But now she's finally looking at the real problem. And once you see the real problem, you stop wasting energy solving the wrong one. That's why I believe so deeply in this work because awareness changes everything and it trickles out to all those that are in your world and all those that you care about, which is also a beautiful thing. So let me show you what I mean. Let's go back to Danny. Let's say Danny comes into coachy saying coaching session and she's saying, I need, I think I need a new job. So that's the visible decision she is trying to make. So I could spend 90 minutes helping her compare companies, review her resume, practice interview questions, and those things have value. But if I focused there, I might accidentally help her make the wrong decision more efficiently. So instead, I get curious. I'll ask, tell me what you hope a new job would give you. And maybe she says, I just want to stop feeling so stressed, which is interesting. So maybe it isn't about the job. I'll ask, what does less stress make possible? She'll think for a minute and then she says, I'd have more patience with my patience with my kids. Now we're getting somewhere. I ask, and why does that matter? So she smiles because I don't want them remembering me as the mom who was always distracted. And do you see what happened there? We started with a job but ended with motherhood. Connection, presence, identity. The job was never the deepest decision. It was simply the doorway into it. Or maybe someone tells me, I need to decide if I should grow my business. And again, that sounds like the decision, the question for making a decision. Until we keep asking questions. And eventually we discover something like, I'm afraid that if I become more successful, people will expect even more from me. I will lose even more time in my day. Or I'm afraid I'll disappoint people if I stop saying yes. If I really go for this and it doesn't work, I don't know what that says about me, right? It's those fear of failure. What kind of judgment will come at me? What's my, what will that, what will that do to my identity? Now we're having a completely different conversation because the real decision isn't about business. It's about identity, belonging, it's about worthiness, it's about permission. And those are conversations, conversations worth having, absolutely. And I think one of the reasons women stay stuck for so long is because we've become incredibly skilled at solving logistical problems, when what's actually keeping us stuck is emotional. We'll spend three weeks researching jobs when what we really need is to decide whether we believe we're allowed to want something different. We'll spend months organizing our calendar when what we actually need to do is whether decide whether everyone else's priorities come before our own. We'll keep tweaking the resume, update the website, read another leadership book. When underneath it all, we're quietly asking, Am I a knot? No planner is going to answer that. No productivity, productivity app answers that. No color-coded calendar answers that because again, your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. And I think this is where Chris's belief progression becomes very helpful because this is the third belief, not is this possible? You've probably already answered that. You know people change careers, you know people start businesses, you know people set healthy boundaries, you have seen people. Reinvent themselves in their 40s, 50s, and beyond. You've seen it. That's not the question anymore. The question becomes: is it possible for me? Those words for me change everything. Because that's where comparison quietly sneaks in. Well, she could do that because she had more money, she didn't have kids, she's naturally confident, oh, she's more outgoing, she's younger, she's older, she had connections, she had support. Isn't it interesting? Our brains are incredibly creative. If I want to stay where it's comfortable, we'll always find a reason why someone else's story doesn't apply to us. And before we know it, we've quietly made ourselves the exception. Not because it's true, because it feels safer. I remember realizing I was doing exactly this in my own business. I'd look at another coach who was speaking on bigger stages or creating incredible programs and think, well, she's been doing this longer, or she probably knows people I don't know. She's just naturally better at that than I am. That is a default for me. Like she's probably just more outgoing, or right? I've I've actually done um other pocket episodes on that where you're just always assuming someone's bigger and better at something. It was a default. So if any of those sound familiar, then you understand. And one day my coach gently interrupted me and she said, Lisa, you're collecting evidence for why someone else can have the life you want. And I, and then she asked, What evidence are you collecting that you can't? Like, oh, yeah, I'm thinking about everyone else, but why am I not thinking about it for myself? So that one stuck. And because I realized I'd become really, I've been a really, really good storyteller for my own limitations. And I had created this whole books amount of reasoning in my head, chapter after chapter of why I can't and why others can't, what I'm missing, what I'm lacking. And years of evidence explaining why I should stay exactly where I was. But I hadn't spent nearly as much time noticing all the evidence that I was already growing into the next version of myself. And I wonder, are you doing that too? Have you become so good at explaining why something won't work that you've stopped noticing all the reasons it just might? So I want to ask you, and I don't want you to answer quickly, you can just let this one sit. What story have you repeated so many times that it now sounds like a fact? Maybe it's I'm just not a risk taker. I've never been confident. I'm not good with money. I'm too old to start over. I've missed my chance. I'm not leadership material. I just need to wait. People don't like people like me don't do those types of things. And now ask yourself another question. Who taught me that? Because here's what I've learned. Sometimes those beliefs were true for a season. Sometimes they protected us, sometimes they helped us survive. But surviving and thriving require different beliefs. And maybe, just maybe, the woman you're becoming doesn't need to care, keep carrying beliefs that belong to the woman you used to be. Your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. But it also doesn't have to keep believing what is no longer true. I think that's one of the most hopeful things about this entire conversation. Beliefs aren't permanent, they're practiced, which means they can be practiced differently. And that's exactly where the freedom map begins moving us toward the final step. Because once you've remembered who you are, created a vision worth growing into, and uncover the decision underneath the decision, you're finally ready to do something that most people try to do first. Take action, not frantic action, not performative action, not even action because someone on social media told you to just go for it, but aligned action. The kind that doesn't come from proving yourself, the kind that comes from becoming yourself. And I think that changes everything. One of the biggest myths I think we've all been sold is this idea that confidence comes first, that one day you'll wake up feeling completely certain and then you'll make the decision. Have you noticed that that day like never seems to arrive? It certainly has not for me. So if I'm being really honest, every meaningful decision I've ever made came from some uncertainty. Leaving my corporate career, yep, felt uncertain. Starting my coaching business, scary, very uncertain. No clue. Never opened a business before. Launching this podcast, oh my goodness, I didn't I didn't even like my own voice. How are you all gonna like my voice? Oh my goodness, the judgment I felt like from myself on that one. Joining another coaching program when I already had years of experience. None of those decisions came after I felt 100% ready. They came after I became clear enough that staying where I was felt more uncomfortable than taking the next step. That's an important distinction. I wasn't fearless. I was clear. And clarity is a much sturdier foundation than confidence because confidence is going to go up and down, but clarity tends to stay with you. I think we spend a lot of our lives waiting for a feeling that was never designed to lead us. We wait until we're confident, we wait until we're motivated, we wait until we're inspired. Meanwhile, clarity is quietly saying, you already know enough to take one step. Not the whole staircase, just one step. That's all. And I was thinking about this the other day. How my kiddos, she just starts like all these multitude of art projects around our house. Our house is full of her wonderful and beautiful art in all forms. And currently she is into building cardboard houses for her stuffed animals and those funny, weird-looking little fuggler toys. And she's at that wonderful age where she doesn't get overwhelmed by worrying about the project and how it will look when it's finished. She just starts creating. She looks at her supplies for a hot second and then she tries something. And if it doesn't work, she tries something else. There isn't all this drama about getting the next piece exactly right. She trusts that the picture will become clearer as she keeps going. And somewhere along the way, we lose that. We start believing every decision has to be perfect. Every choice has to guarantee success. Every next step has to reveal the entire picture. And it's no wonder we're exhausted. We're asking today's decision to carry tomorrow's certainty. And that's too much weight for any decision. The Freedom app doesn't ask you to solve your entire life. It simply asks, what's the next piece? I think that's one of the reasons my clients often leave our sessions feeling so much lighter. Not because we've solved every problem, because we've stopped trying to. We've identified the next piece, the next conversation, the next boundary, the next application, the next phone call, the next courageous yes, or sometimes the next courageous no. And suddenly the mountain doesn't feel quite so impossible because mountains aren't climbed in one step. They're climbed one intentional step at a time, one foot in front of the other. And this is where that fourth belief fits in so beautifully. It's I believe it's possible with help. And can I tell you something that's become increasingly important to me? I think we've confused independence with strength, especially as women, especially as women who are capable, we're praised for handling everything and figuring it out and being the one everyone can count on. And after years of hearing that, we quietly start believing that asking for help somehow means we failed or we're less than. That we were, if we were really smart, really capable, really successful, we should already know what to do. But that's not how growth works. And I like to think about it like an athlete. Olympic athletes have coaches, professional musicians have teachers, authors have editors, executives have mentors. Not because they aren't capable, but because they are committed to becoming even more capable. Support isn't a sign that something is wrong with you or that you're lacking. Some support is often a sign that you've decided your growth matters. And that realization changed me. So many years ago it changed me, and I'm so grateful for that lesson. Because for a long time, I thought hiring a coach meant I needed someone to teach me something I didn't know. But now I see it differently. My coach didn't simply teach me, she reflected me back to myself. She noticed patterns I couldn't see because I was standing inside of them. That, you know, the whole trying to read the label from inside the jar. She challenged stories that had quietly become facts in my own head. She believed in a version of me that I hadn't fully caught up to yet. And I'm so grateful that she takes a stand for who I am becoming. Someone there holding that place for me, holding that confidence, allow me to reach and grab it. And sometimes that's exactly what another person can offer us. Not answers, perspective, not permission, possibility, not pressure, partnership. And that's a very different experience. So can I share something that I've also been thinking about? I don't think the biggest cost of trying to figure everything out alone is that it takes longer. I think that although sometimes that is true, it does, it can take longer. I think the biggest cost is that we stay trapped inside our own thinking. We keep asking ourselves the same questions from the same perspective, using the same beliefs, trying to produce a different result. It's a little like trying to see the picture on the front of a puzzle box while staring at the back of one puzzle piece. You simply don't have enough perspective. And it's not because you're incapable, it's because you're too close to it. That's true for me. It's true for my clients, and I have a feeling it's probably true for you too. So I want to leave you with one final question before we wrap this all together. What's one next aligned step that your future self would thank you for taking? Not the biggest step, not the bravest step, the next one. Maybe it's scheduling the conversation. Maybe it's blocking two hours on your calendar for something you've been putting off because it actually matters to you. And maybe it's saying no to something that's been draining your energy, maybe it's dusting off the resume. Maybe it's finally allowing yourself to dream without immediately telling yourself all the reasons it won't work. Maybe it's asking for help. Whatever it is. Make it small enough that your nervous system doesn't panic, but meaningful enough that your future self notices. Because every aligned action becomes evidence. And evidence that you can trust yourself, evidence that you're becoming the woman your future is asking you to be, evidence that your brain can begin believing something new. And as I think back to that session, my session with my coach, I realized something now that I couldn't have seen then. My coach didn't change my business that day. She changed the way I was seeing myself. And once that shifted, everything else started shifting too. The decisions I made, the opportunities I pursued, the risks I was willing to take, the vision I was willing to admit I wanted. She didn't hand me a map. She helped me trust the one I had already created. And that's exactly what I hope the Freedom Map does for you. Not because I want you to become someone different. I don't, I absolutely don't. I want you to become more fully yourself. The version of you that's quietly waiting underneath the expectations, the pressure, the busyness, the proving, and all those beliefs that once protected you, but no longer fit the life you're trying to build. Because I don't think you're one decision away from changing your life. I think you're one belief away from making a different decision. And that can change everything. Your brain can't choose what it doesn't yet believe. So maybe this week, don't focus on making the biggest decision you've ever made. Focus on building the next belief. Trust yourself a little more, but picture the future a little more clearly. Question one old story that's been quietly running your life. You can take one aligned step, ask for help if you need it, and just move up one round of the ladder. Because that's how lasting change happens, not in giant leaps. In ordinary Tuesdays, in quiet conversations, in tiny moments of courage that nobody else even notices. Until one day you look around and you realize you're living a life your past self only knew how to dream about. And that might just be the sweetest cupcake moment of all is figuring that out. So I want to thank you for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who has been carrying around a decision for far too long. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give another woman is helping her realize she isn't alone. And if you're thinking, I know I'm carrying too much and I don't want to keep solving the wrong problem, I'd love to invite you to a Freedom Map Clarity session. Not because I have all the answers, but because sometimes another person can help you see what you can't see while you're standing in the middle of it. And together we'll untangle all that's really keeping you stuck, reconnect you with what matters most, and help you leave with something that is far more valuable than another to-do list. You'll leave with clarity you trust. You'll find the link in the show notes, so check that out. And until next time, keep looking for those little cupcake moments, keep choosing what matters most. And remember, your future isn't created by one perfect decision. It's created by becoming the woman who trusts herself and not to take the next one. I will see you in the next episode of Cupcakes and Clarity.

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Thanks so much for listening to this episode of Cupcakes and Clarity. If today's conversation inspired you and you'd like even more tips and strategies tailored to your life, go to Lisa Carinelli.com forward slash free sports for more self-guided. If you're ready for personal support and helping navigate what's holding you back, I'd love to meet you. Head over to LisaCarinelli.com and schedule your free consultation. New episodes drop every Tuesday. So be sure to follow or subscribe whenever you like the button. If you enjoyed today's episode, it would mean so much if you shared it with a friend or leave a quick review. Until next time, here's the creating more clarity and more confidence enjoying your life one update at a time.