the things we leave behind

in this solo episode of 15 years in LA, i'm reflecting on one of the most transformative seasons of my life.

i share what life has been like after losing my sweet boy, serbi, and how grief has quietly reshaped the way i move through the world. i also talk about stepping into an entirely new career as an on-air host in the trading card community; a job i never could have imagined for myself and what it's been like learning something completely new.

along the way, i reflect on the difficult people we inevitably encounter, whether in our neighborhoods, workplaces, conventions, or creative communities, and why i've realized that protecting my peace is more important than trying to be understood by everyone.

inspired by the strawberry moon, this episode is about shedding what no longer serves us, making room for what's next, and learning that sometimes growth isn't about becoming someone new. it's about letting go of everything you were never meant to carry.

if you've been navigating grief, change, unexpected opportunities, or simply trying to find your footing in a new season of life, i hope this conversation reminds you that you're not alone.

✨ follow the podcast on instagram: @15.years.in.la.pod for episode updates, behind-the-scenes content, and more.

if you're enjoying 15 years in LA, it would mean the world to me if you follow the podcast, leave a rating and review, and share your favorite episodes with a friend. every follow, review, and share helps more people discover the show and supports independent creators like me.

thank you so much for listening and for being part of this journey. 🤍

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, welcome to 15 Years in LA, the storytelling podcast about my 15 years here in LA. I'm your host, Sam Adler. Um, if you've been listening to the series, you'll know that I love deep dives, stories, guests, big laughs, chaos. But this episode is gonna be a little bit different. It's gonna be just me, a solo one, and this one's gonna get a little bit personal. So let's buckle up, kids, because we're diving right in the video. Um, I know it's been a few months since I've been on my podcast with a guest or myself. A lot has um happened and taken place. And I don't know if any of you guys follow me on Instagram, but if you follow the podcast on Instagram, um I posted that um my dog Serby, he passed away back in um May of this year, and I was taking a break from the podcast and taking a step back from a lot of things so that I could grieve with Rue. Um before that, my sister she got married in April, and then I had to go to New Orleans for work, like a work trip. And literally the second I got back from my work trip is when he passed away. He was waiting for me to um to cross the Rainbow Bridge, and I thought about recording a um podcast during that time, but I decided not to because I just felt like I wanted to be, I wanted to be very present during that time, and I wanted to give um Rue all my attention and my attention on grieving Serby, so it was really hard, and um then work just got a little bit more time consuming because I was traveling to different cities, and um I just kind of took that like month and a half break. Well, more like a month, I should say, because he passed away on May 28th. But I think like during the time before my sister's wedding, I was like kind of taking a break. So maybe maybe like two months I took a break. And during that time I was reflecting on just you know, trying to be present and trying to be the person who I want to be, and how I want to show up and how I want to be perceived. And the person I want to be is someone that cares deeply about friends and family, and I consider dogs family, so um, and also just giving myself boundaries and letting myself have that time to heal and not putting myself in a lot of um positions where I was like overextending myself, and I think during the time of grieving, I found it so important to literally just surround yourself with your loved ones. I cannot stress that enough. I was thankful that my family was with me during that time when Serbi was passing. Um, one of my sisters lives in Italy and she was still in town after my sister's wedding, and she was in town for like a month, and she really showed up for me. She stayed at my apartment and um helped me with Rue and cleaned my apartment because my apartment was like in shambles. And she really just she really was there for me, and she I could not have asked for a better support system. And then my other sister and her husband and her husband, excuse me, were there when I went to the vet to take Serby for his final moments. Sorry, I like haven't really talked about this on like a platform other than like talking to like my close friends and family, but um, it was really traumatic. Um I knew Serbi was like on his way out. He was 14. And right before I went to New Orleans for work, I took him, Rue, and my sister to Santa Barbara so that Serbi could have um a nice time with Rue and me and my sister in a place where me and Serbi felt the most connected because that was where I knew nobody when I lived in Santa Barbara, and it was just me and him. And um we were just each other's support systems during the time I was living in Santa Barbara to go back to school. So I always felt like Santa Barbara was the place that he and I connected the most. And I cooked Rue and Serbi steaks before leaving for Santa Barbara for the day, and he loved it. Him and Rue just loved the steaks. I put little um edible flowers on the steaks. They didn't like the edible flowers, which was funny, but they did love the steaks. And then we took them to Santa Barbara and took them to the beach, took them to all the places that we would go to. We went to the batting cages, and they just were having such a great time. And it was so lovely seeing Serbie and Rue just so happy, especially Serbi, just like so happy. And then I had to drop them off at the boarding facility, and then I went to New Orleans, and when I got back from New Orleans um that Monday, um I gotten a call from the boarding facility saying I needed to pick up Serbi like ASAP, and I was like, okay, and so I picked him up and he was not doing well, he was um he was bleeding from his behind, like pooping blood, wasn't able to stand, he had uh been having seizures, and um he was very much like this is my time, and uh I know that he was um waiting for me to pass because he didn't want to pass without seeing me and um sorry I haven't talked about this.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

Um he waited until I came home. I felt so guilty for leaving him in room, but I just I had to go for work. And um I took him home and I was like, I just want one more day with him. I just want one more day. But I think the one more day was Santa Barbara. That was our time together. Um and I had friends and family come over on uh that Monday.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

And um they were all surrounding him with me. My sister brought flowers and everyone that that loved Serby placed their flowers all around him. And um, we made the difficult decision that tonight that that night would be the night because I just I didn't want to make the decision for him. I just couldn't make the decision for him. I didn't I I just I wanted him to tell me when he knew it was time. And so we went to um a vet that I haven't been to before, but they were really great and they were so loving. And the one thing I wished I did uh before he passed, I I really wish I got a tattoo of um his paw print and his nose print.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

And that I I wish I I would have done like the ink thing with his paw. And I feel very guilty that I didn't. Um but uh yeah, we took him to the vet, and they were so kind, and they let us stay in the room for as long as we needed. And I was laying on the floor with him and Rue, and I was just holding Serbi. I was singing to him, I was petting him, I was telling him it's okay, that he'll be okay. I was holding him, and I just was letting him know that I'll be okay. Because I kept saying he'll be okay, but I think he he knew he would be okay, but I think he needed to know that I would be okay. Sorry, and um uh one time I told him that I would be okay. He looked at me and he took his final breath. He was gone, and it was the hardest thing I had to do, and I'm not sure if any of you guys have been through something like that. I'm sure. I'm sure some of you can relate, many of you can relate to having to do the difficult decision of putting your dog down or loved or having to lose a loved one, but it is so hard. And he was my my everything for 14 years, and I kept thinking about my podcast.

SPEAKER_01 11:34

I kept thinking about like the 15 years in LA, and I think I would come back to well, the 15 years of me living here isn't just defined by me and my family and my friends, it also was defined by me in Serbie and all of the things that I did with him, and all the things he did with me. And I was so grateful to have him for all the years I've lived here, and I don't think I would have been able to, um I don't I don't think I would have been able to um live my life without him. I don't think I would have been able to have survived this city without him. And um, I just think it really taught me a lot about growing up and having to have that responsibility of taking care of someone other than yourself. And it really made me like a selfless person with him because the moments of being in the negatives in my account, but figuring out ways to feed my dog, and I would be like, I don't care if I don't eat, but I can't let my dog go hungry. I can't let my dog eat nothing. I would figure out ways to to um make sure that he would be okay. And um I did everything I could to um make sure his life was the best life he could possibly ever have because I just kept thinking about the first puppy that I had when I was a kid, Surby. Um, that was our first dog, our family dog, and he didn't live a long life. And so I really wanted to ah, sorry, I just made tea and I just spilled it all over me and it's burning my hand, and that really hurt. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

That's what I get for doing multiple things at once, and it's all over my bed. Great. Well, it's just hot water and honey, I guess, so it'll be fine. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

That fucking sucked wow. And uh the universe telling me to be grounded, I don't know, but that really fucking hurt. Oh my god. Let me put my hand under cold water. Um, my first dog, Derby, he didn't have um a long life. And I wanted to make sure that the dog that I had in my 20s and 30s had the life that I wish I would have given my first dog, but I was too young to have given um Serby one the life that I wish I could have given Serbie, you know, Cerby two. That I did give Cerby two, sorry. Um and then after Cerby passed, that was when I like definitely needed, you know, friends the most, especially the day that Serbi died. I had friends of all different eras come over. Friends that I've known forever, friends that I just met. And there was one friend in particular that really um showed up for me. And um I they're a new friend that like helped in so much of a like a tremendous way that I like am still to this day so grateful. They were they were like cleaning up the nastiest things coming out of Serby and being like, don't worry about it, it's fine, we're getting we're getting it together, like it's okay. Um having friends ground me, you know, like feeling that groundedness was so helpful, and that support system is just so so helpful. After when after Serby passed away, um you know, having that support system of family and friends really was just so helpful. Um and life just feels very weird. Like, I think the first time I had to go on a plane after Serbi passed away was like maybe a week or two after he passed, and I hadn't been on a plane alone. And when I say alone, I mean like the like my work trip for New Orleans. I was like with other people for the work trip, but like I hadn't been on a plane by myself without like someone else in years. Serby was the one that I would bring on planes because I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to flying, and um, I was like a mess getting on the plane, going back home to New Jersey to visit my family. Um and that in itself was just a fucking shit show of a thing because I was like getting texts and calls from my neighbors who were like mad that Rue, because I had friends um staying at my apartment taking care of Rue while I was gone, because I wasn't gonna pay for another boarding facility. I use that for when I'm at work because I was I just uh I'd rather use it for work trips than like going home. And I had like my neighbors like texting and calling me saying that Rue was like loud and it was annoying them. And I'm like, my dog's grieving. Also, I just lost my dog. Like Serbie just died, and they never like texted saying, like, sorry to hear about Serbi and whatever. And the place that I live in, it's everyone's in very close proximity. Like, I can hear my neighbors have conversations when I'm in my own apartment, like it feels like we're all roommates in a way, so it's like we're very close in proximity. And at times, these neighbors and I were close in friendship, I would say loosely perhaps. So when I think also like when Servi got diagnosed with cancer back in January of last year, and I was having to deal with his cancer surgery, and like learning how to cope with Cervi after his surgeries, and how like he his life just got a lot more difficult because he wasn't able to like walk the same, or like he would constantly be peeing in the apartment after his surgeries because of just like that's just how it was for him, and it was very stressful. Being a caretaker for anyone, whether it be a dog or an animal or a human, being a caretaker is very difficult, especially when like you're juggling multiple things. So, for the last like year and a half of his life, I would say I was just under so much amounts of stress. And when he was going through his cancer surgery, it was during the LA fires that are like that were like the biggest fires we've had in forever. Um, Serbi's cancer surgery and the office I was working at at the time, the law firm, was moving. That was all happening in the same day. I want to make sure everyone understands that clearly. That I dropped Serby off for his cancer surgery. I was late to work because of traffic, and also like I'm sorry, guys. Like, I'm I'm late and Serbi needs to be dropped off for his cancer surgery. And my bosses were pissed off that like I was late, and I'm like, I'm sorry. Uh, my priorities are that Serbi's first, and you guys all knew that he was gonna have the surgery, and I don't know why you guys didn't appropriately figure out your stuff, but okay, yeah, get mad at me for being late because my dog and I'm the only person that's taking care of him, but okay, sure. And the fires, it was just it was so much. Jesus Christ, it was so much, and so ever since then I really like started to kind of question friendships during those hard times because during the hard times, like that's when you really need your friends and family to like show up the most, and you really do see people for who they are when you're going through like the shitty times. And I noticed that there were a lot of people in my life that would rather see me not fail, but like would rather see me struggle and like watch me struggle because they felt like they were uplifting themselves in some fucking weird way, than like actually like be a friend and like ask me how I'm doing or offer to like help in whatever way. So I noticed that like when he was going through that, my neighbors who supposedly are my quote unquote friends were never there to like ask if I'm okay and they would hear like my like frustrating, like I'd be like, Oh my god, I'm like so frustrated, or I'd like you cry or whatever, and they didn't give a shit. But yet, like, if anything were to happen to them, my god, like you know what I mean? It's like whatever. So when he passed away, I found it ironic that that was when they cared, was when it was affecting them, when Rue was crying and grieving, when it was so quote unquote loud for them that they couldn't stand listening to that, that they went out of their way to text me and be rude and say hurtful things instead of communicating with my friends that were taking care of server, uh taking care of Rue. And I had like four different people taking care of Rue while I was gone because I knew Rue. Was still grieving and it was like very fresh, and I didn't want to like leave her alone. So I had like four different people on rotation throughout the day, like taking care of her. So she was never alone for a very long time. I had the Kardashians playing in the background, like she was set. So she was just like crying because she doesn't have her fucking brother anymore. And the audacity these people have to just like insert themselves in my life, to not be kind, to complain just to complain, to not find solutions. Like you're at you're I'm 3,000 miles away. I can only do so much. You are two feet away from my apartment. Why don't you go use the key that's in the lockbox and go hang out with Rue if you're so fucking worried about it? If you're telling me that Rue deserves better, if you're telling me that I'm a shitty fucking parent, and you're using, oh, I'm and also I'm so sorry about Serve as like a throwaway, like fucking apology. Like, fuck off. And by the way, those neighbors were moving that week, which was so baffling. And to top it all off, they are always so loud with their DJing. Like I could hear that they would, they would just, they were so loud creating their DJ music. It wasn't even good music, it was shitty fucking music. So it like wasn't even good. Um and I'm just like the audacity, the gall, you know, having both of the neighbors, the neighbor that lives nearby, and then the other neighbor that was moving out, they would text me individually and gang up on me. But they were texting each other, being like, I'm gonna text her this and whatever. It's just like, why are you gang up on me? Like I'm in my most vulnerable state. This is how you want to show up. And then when I come back, you don't want to save face, you don't want to apologize, but you're gonna look at me and tell me and look at me and and be passive aggressive as if I'm the one that's in the wrong. Fuck off. And that's what I mean. Like, people like that do not let them enter your life at all. If like believe people when they show you who they are, that's who they are. Caddy fucking people. Don't allow those people in your life. They fucking suck, especially when you're going through really sad times. They love to see you struggle, they love to see you fail. Fuck that. You tell you show them that you're the better person, you're the bigger person by not letting it affect you. And it can affect you, obviously, it's going to, but like let it affect you in your own home. Don't let them see it. Stand strong and stand your ground. Because those people, they're projecting some weird ass fucking shit that like they're going through. And if a man is going to speak to a woman in such a negative way, imagine how they speak to like their you know, significant other. You know, it's like very interesting how like a man just decides like this is how I'm gonna treat a woman, be very shitty to them. And um, and then when I respond back and it's not the response they want, and then they and then they like go overboard, you're like, okay. And also, I don't do text arguing. I will never do text arguing. I don't think I don't think any conversation, if it needs to be like a confrontation or like a conversation, like where it's like words are gonna be said and people are upset, that is not gonna be resolved or solved in a text, let alone a phone call. It's in person. And if it can't be in person, then it needs to be on the phone. Because if like if you can't be in if it can't be in person, it's if it's because like someone lives like very far away, but you need to like have these conversations, then I guess it's on the phone. But you have to have like equal ground in terms of like you gotta you gotta respond and you have to listen. And then you you know, then you say your sp your stuff. Um, I've done so much healing in my 15, 16 years of living in LA. Um, where people come and go into your life because people will come and go into your life. Friendships form, friendships fade. Family uh relationships um are created from just you know being in the family, and then they fade. Like it's just it is what it is. Um I was talking to my mom about stuff, and I was telling her, like, you know, people will show up the way they want to show up. But it's up to you to figure out how to navigate things. And if people are going to show if people are only gonna show up the way they're gonna show up to you, then you show up the way that they show up to you. You only give as much energy as they're giving to you. Like, if someone's giving you 50%, you give them 50%. If someone's giving you 100, you also give them a hundred, or like whatever. It doesn't, you don't have to match their energy all the time, but like I'm not gonna go out of my way to say hi to someone if they're a negative, rude person to me. Like, why would I go out of my way to like be nice to them? And I also am in a community of improvisers, like improv is just a weird community of just like and not weird, it's not like weird, but it's weird in the sense that like you know, we're all very sensitive people, we all feel feelings and everything because artists are very sensitive, vulnerable people, and I think people will pick apart things, and and this isn't just an improv, it's an anything, but I'm just saying, in my own experience, I can't I can't speak in other people's experiences other than my own. So when I talk about my own experiences, use that as a guide to use that for your own experiences. But in my own experiences of being in the art creative world and corporate world and whatever, people will pick apart things of what that you say. They won't speak to you directly, they'll be passive aggressive. And I have been through so much fucking shit from like getting roofied last year or a year and a half ago, Serbi having cancer, Serbi dying, people being fucking mean, that I'm just like, I'm no longer being passive aggressive. This is Sam being direct, and you are gonna have to deal with it, or don't. And by by me saying don't, that's me being like, don't entertain me, don't come near me if if if you can't handle my directness. There's um the line of work that I do for the traveling, I travel to different cities for um an app that uh puts on um trading card conventions. And so I'm the only one of the only women that's like really there. And I'm I'm one of the I'm the only woman that's one of the hosts. So when it's me hosting the shows, I'm by myself. And oftentimes I am around a lot of men, a lot of misogynistic men, a lot of narcissistic, misogynistic men who want to project their fucking insecurities onto me by pretending that they're big tough men, but really they're little tiny men inside of their bodies. And this has happened on more than one occasion where a man will be really rude to me. I had one of my I was doing a um a thing where I was live on the app and I was doing a giveaway, and I was doing one of the giveaways to like, because the reason why we do these giveaways is so it it incentivize people to download the app and they can in return, like they can uh win really nice like prizes of like Pokemon or whatever card stuff. And I was doing a $300 uh giveaway, and I had like a couple different items that all um came up to to the amount of $300, and I had one of the hosts, one of the male hosts was like having a moment where he thought that he was in the right, and he literally ripped the product out of my hand that I was um I was giving away on live. And vendors saw it, um people at the convention that were that were there, convention goers saw it, people on live saw it. He literally ripped the product out of my hand and was yelling at me, saying I shouldn't be uh having this particular product on because um we should be holding it for later. And I was like, I am not arguing with someone when I'm on live in front of all these people. We can have this conversation in private. So I was like, okay, take it, fine. Then another man was yelling at me, who's also one of the hosts, and I was just like, you guys, I am live on TV. I am speaking in front of so many people. Vendors are seeing this, children are seeing this, convention goers are seeing this, people on live are seeing this. You guys are looking like fucking idiots, and you are ripping product out of a woman's hand. What does that look like for you? And then you're gonna go interview a bunch of kids after this? Do you think parents want to be around a man that's ripping product out of a woman's hand? Do you think parents want their children around a man that's gonna be rude to a woman? Maybe. I don't know. People are fucking weird. Uh so after that, I gave the winner their two items because you know, we promised three, but we're gonna give two because a man is right, right? Wrong. I go and I talk to each man that was rude to me uh from the work individually, and I was like, I'm gonna have this conversation right now, nip it in the bud. And I was so direct, and I was like, you do not take product out of my hand, you do not disrespect me, you do not argue with me when I'm live. And they were trying to find ways to justify their actions. And I'm like, you're not right, you are wrong, but sure, you want to speak, you have the moment to speak, you have every opportunity to tell me how you feel and whatever. But know that you were wrong. I had that conversation with every single guy. The last guy was so rude. He was like talking over me, asking me, Are you done? Are you done? Are you done? And I'm like, No, I'm not done. And I had to literally define what a conversation is to this man. I had to say, a conversation is when someone stops speaking, lets the other person talk. That person listens, lets that person speak, hears what they're saying, and then the person that was speaking then stops talking and listens to the other person. That's how a conversation is. I can't believe I had to explain that to a 36-year-old man, but I had to. And once I walked away, my one of my coworkers, um, who is so great, um advocated for me and was like, Do you understand where Sam's coming from? And one of the guys, the guy that was uh very rude, who um was asking me if I was done talking when I wasn't done talking, was like, Oh yeah, once she once she said that I was mansplaining to her, I stopped listening to her and fuck that girl and whatever the fuck he said. And my coworker was like, Well, that's exactly the point, is that you weren't listening and she you were mansplaining to her, and you are wrong. And I can't believe I, as a man, have to explain that to another man. I I can't believe I have to explain what a woman was saying to a man. Like, I can't believe a man had to like decode a woman's language to let make sure a man understood. It should take the two people having that conversation to have have it make sense. It shouldn't have to take another person, another man, to have it be explained to a man of what a woman was saying. That's that's fucked up. And then it happened again with a different man at a different convention where uh the vendors had their kids um continuously winning these prizes. And I was like, there are so many kids here that are that are convention going kids that aren't winning because the the vendors are like uh are hogging the giveaways. And I had to tell uh some of the kids, it wasn't just one of the kids, it was multiple kids of the of the vendors. And I had to tell both of the vendors and both of the kids of the vendors, I can't keep having you guys win. You've won thrice now, and it's not fair to the other kids who haven't won at all. And uh one of the guys was so pissed at me that he, and it was during a live, another live where I was live and I was doing it, uh, where I was talking on live and doing a giveaway. So people on live were seeing this, people in front of me with the vendors are seeing this, and the convention goers were seeing this, where the man comes up and says, I don't need these tickets anymore. You're teaching my daughter that even when she wins, she loses, and uh thanks you make my daughter cry. And he yelled that very loudly so everyone could hear. Once I was done the live, I go over to his booth and I said, Sir, can I please speak to you? And he's like, Yeah, I want to talk to you. Yeah, let's talk. And I was like, Great, let's talk. And I was like, Can you please explain to me why you decided to be rude and yell at me? And he was like, You're teaching my daughter that uh when she wins, she loses because she doesn't get to have her prize. And I said, Sir, I told your daughter this, and I'll tell you this as well. She has won thrice now, and I don't think that it's fair that you guys keep winning. This will be the fourth time that you guys won. And I think that it's fair for other people to win. So I asked her if it was okay that I give her winnings to another person. I gave three products to you guys already. And if anything, I'm not teaching your daughter anything. I'm not a teacher, and I wanted to say you are teaching your daughter that it is appropriate to yell at a woman to get what you want, and that by yelling at a woman, you'll get what you want. You're teaching your daughter to be misogynistic because misogyny is not just men hating women, it is misogyny is hating women. Women can hate women. Misogyny is rooted in patriarchal, you know, whatever. And oh, it is uh it is a rabbit hole of things. But anyway, he was like, he was like, I'm I'm leaving, I'm leaving because of you, I'm packing up because of you. And I was like, okay, I don't care. Like, you're making 3D printed Pokemon stuff. Nobody wants 3D printed shit, okay? And your booth is all the way in the back, and also like who wants to buy stuff from a mean guy? I didn't say that, but I wanted to. And I was like, okay, leave. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry you're leaving. And also this during Father's Day. So it's like he has the upper hand, I guess, because it's Father's Day and he wants to make his daughter's day or whatever because he's a father. I wasn't trying to ruin anyone's day, I was just trying to be fair. And I was like, Oh, I'm sorry you're leaving. And you know, the the argument on his side, not me, I was calm. He was like getting heated and he was like, Leave him, leave my booth, step away from my booth, go away from my booth. And I was like, I'll gladly step away from your booth. I go and tell my event manager, I said, Hey, the guy over here, he's having a really big argument with me. I was calm, but he seems to have a problem with me. Can you please talk to him? She goes and talks to him. She comes back and she was like, Oh, he apologizes to me about how he behaved to you, and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then she was like, and he's not leaving because of you. He was already packing up before all this happened. And I was like, interesting that he's apologizing to you for his behavior and how he treated me. Do you? I was like, is he gonna apologize to me? Probably not. Um and oh, by the way, the guy from earlier, the one that was like, Are you done? Are you done? Um, he did eventually apologize to me. I just want to make that clear. Um, anyway, like afterwards, after my coworker had to talk to him. So, anyway, um, the man is walking by with all his stuff, and he's like having to make multiple trips. And one of the vendors had gifted me for the giveaways like a bunch of cards, and one of the cards was worth like 200 bucks or something like that. And I asked him, I said, Hey, how much is this worth? He goes, Oh, I think about like 200 bucks. I go, Great. I go to the man and I said, Hi, sir. I just and he was walking by me, so I wasn't going out of my way. Comes over, I go over to him as he's walking by where I'm standing. And I said, Hi, sir. I just wanted to say, I hope you had a really nice father's day. I want to give this to you on um my behalf. And he was like, Oh, uh no, you don't, you don't have to give us anything, you don't have to give us anything. And he looks at the card, then he realizes how much it's worth, and he looks at me and he can barely talk. And all I said was, I hope you have a really great Father's Day. Um, please take this card on my behalf, and I hope you have a great rest of your day. And after that, he's talking in circles, he's unable to form sentences, he's stuttering, he looks down, he looks around, but he doesn't look at me and basically does not apologize to me, just is trying to say, You understand where I'm coming from, you under, and I just looked at him. I didn't say anything because I want you guys to understand when people do this type of stuff with like arguing, the best thing you should do is stay silent. Because when you stay silent, people will talk in circles and they will dig themselves a hole and just let them let them dig themselves a hole, okay? Just let them talk through circles and shit. Because at the end of the day, you're the bigger person. And I was standing very strong. I was uh standing like a tree where I was just like listening to him, my hands behind my back, like, I'm here listening to you. Yep, okay, great. And he walked away. Then two of the vendors were like, should we talk to him? Because the vendors' kids were like, I think 18, and they had seen the whole thing, and they were like, Is Sam okay? Is Sam okay? And then they come over to me, like, hey, are you okay? Like after before, like, you know, me giving him the card when the guy yelled at me, like, Oh, thanks for being my daughter cry. Um, and I told him I was fine. Like, yeah, I was fine. I mean, I was pissed, but I was fine. And so after I gave the guy the card, uh, one of the vendors was like, I'm gonna go in the elevator and follow him to his car and just talk to him and let him know like he needs to apologize to you. And I was like, Okay, sure. And so he follows him to his car. Nothing crazy, but just following him, like like a vendor being like, Hey man, like, great seeing you here. Like, I think they were like friendly. And then he waited for the daughter to walk away and he talked to the guy alone, and he was like, Hey man, like what you did to Sam was really not okay. Um, it was really fucked up, and you need to apologize to her. And he was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna apologize. I'm gonna apologize, yeah, yeah, it was not cool. Yeah, I was heated. He was like, All right. The guy walks back, grabs the stuff on his way out. He doesn't even look at me. And both of the guys had their hands crossed, the vendors like looking at him. Man could not look at me. And that's how you know men are insecure. Not just men, people. When people do that, they are insecure because they don't want to admit that they are wrong. They'd rather be in that uncomfortable feeling than admit they were wrong. So moral of the story is advocate for yourself. Stand up for yourself because not all the time you're gonna have people standing up for you. When you do have people standing up for you, it is nice because then you feel you know, like you can at you can have someone advocate for you. It's not every day people are gonna be doing that, but it is very nice when you do have those people. And all of this is happening during the time of me grieving, you know, Survey. So I think that if anything, this entire experience has taught me is stand up for yourself, create boundaries, make sure you are trying to stay present because if you aren't present, I think it can get difficult for you to stay in your head. And when I say that, I mean like being present in your head and in the moment. Um, and I think also appreciating the people that you have in your community that you surround yourself with, and that's very important. Um, I know this was a very like rambling uh podcast, but I feel like it was important for you guys to know where I'm coming from, what's been happening, and what's to come. I have two podcasts that I pre-recorded uh before all this happened, before I got the job for the cards and before Serpe passed away. Um, so I have really good podcasts coming up, and um, I have more things I want to discuss and talk to you guys about that's really exciting and fun. But for now, I just kind of wanted to give you guys the skinny of like what's been going on with my life as of late. And um I hope that you guys enjoyed this podcast and felt um you can find some relatability to this. I'm sure I'm sure you all can relate to this in some way. I'm sure everyone's gone through this type of shit before. But I like doing the podcast where I'm like on my phone, where I'm like able to like be on my uh AirPods because I feel like in a way it's like I'm having a conversation on the phone. And I feel like sometimes it's nice to like have that conversation, like make it feel like that. So that's why I did it this way this time. But um, I hope you guys have a great rest of your night. Um, I don't know when I'm gonna release this. I hopefully I'll release it. I'm gonna work on it like probably right now. Um, but my goal is to have this out soon. And uh tonight is a strawberry moon, and the strawberry moon is very important. Um, it's very lovely. I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm like a witch. Um, so I Love doing like witchy things. I do tarot. I think you guys already know that because I do a lot of tarot. Um, but the strawberry moon, why it's important, is um, hold on, witchcraft. So the strawberry moon has become popular in modern witchcraft and spiritual practices, though many of these associations are contemporary rather than ancient traditions. Common themes people associate with the strawberry moon include abundance, celebrating growth, harvest, and recognizing what you've cultivated, gratitude, reflecting on what has come to fruition in your life, love and relationships. June has long been associated with romance, so some practitioners focus on self-love, partnership, and community, release and renewal, letting go of habits or beliefs that no longer serve you before the second half of the year. Some simple rituals people choose to do, write down what you're grateful for, journal about what you've accomplished so far this year and what you like to grow next. Charge crystals or tarot cards under the moonlight. This is a spiritual practice rather than something supported by scientific evidence. Light a candle while setting an intention, spend time outside, meditate, or take a moonlit walk. Make moon water by leaving a covered jar of water outside overnight if that aligns with your spiritual practice. I did the last one making moon water. I put uh salt, rosemary, lavender, and you have to do like purified water. And um, I wrote some intentions and things that I want to manifest for the rest of the year in my life. And I made one for my sister, and um it's outside right now getting some moon water, but um, I did that one, and I found the rosemary and the lavender in my neighborhood on my evening walk with Rue, and that was very nice. Um, and yeah, I think that maybe I'll do this. Um, for tarot, a simple three-card layout could be what am I harvesting right now? What deserves more of my energy, and what am I ready to release before the next season? Um should I do that right now with you guys? Why not?

SPEAKER_00 46:11

I do this all the time with you guys.

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Get my cards. Oh, and I got some cards when I was in New Orleans. Um, I got some really cool cards. I went to a really cool witchcraft store, and I didn't even realize, but the guys that I was with, they were like, Sam, um, we found some tarot um witchcraft stores um before we went, and then we just happened to be traveling, like walking around at night um in New Orleans, and we have we stumbled around um the the the most infamous, sorry, Holland, the most infamous witchcraft store in New Orleans, and I didn't even realize that we were there. We just happened to stumble upon it, which I find to be that's that to me is like the best circumstance is when you find things um serendipitously, and that's like my favorite thing. I love I love when that happens.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

I'm also waiting for my dinner to arrive. Has it arrived yet? It has! Yay! Okay, I got sushi for tonight. I haven't eaten all day. I had snacks, but I wasn't feeling well. Um so this will be my little dinner.

SPEAKER_01 47:32

Oh, and I also went to um Barnes and Noble the other day and I got some books. Um right now I'm reading because I really wanted to start reading again. I really missed it, and I know that I've spoken to you guys about like um I haven't read in a while because it kind of like reading to me was my escape outside of my relationship when I was with Mike. Oops, said his name. Oh well. Well, said his name. Um, but when I was with him, my ex-fiance, um, I was like all constantly reading because I was trying to escape the abuse and escaping the uh just the constant everything. So that was like the way that I would use to cope was just to read. And I love reading, but I just like stopped reading because I just wanted to feel safe and I didn't want my body to feel like it wasn't safe, but I was like, okay, I'm gonna start reading again. So I bought um one, two, three, four, six books. I bought Hayden Penitare's um autobiography called This Is Me, and already I'm loving it. I think I'm on chapter five. Um, and it's been really nice to read that because I feel like I can relate. I also uh bought the book Love and Gelato, Lucky Girl, Matthew McConaughey's Green Lights, Murder Takes a Vacation, and Matchmaking for Psychopaths. And a book that I really need to keep that I need to read is that I have is The Body Keeps the Score. I really need to read The Body Keeps the Score. I also have a bunch of other books that are like on my to-do, which is um atomic habits. I have uh The Age of Magical Overthinking, and then I have Anthony Bourdain's Um Kitchen Confidential Book. I have all these books, by the way, like sitting in my room that I need to read. And then I have a bunch of books in my little library that I like need to read. So I have a lot of books that I need to read. And so I'm just trying to like be more um, I'm trying to be more mindful of like getting off my screen and just like doing things for myself. Um and just yeah, maybe one of these days I'll just like go to the park and read through. I'm doing my tarot right now. I'm so tired. Okay, so what am I harvesting now? The four of wands, that's great. What deserves more of my energy? The seven of wands, and what am I ready to release for the next season? The seven of pentacles. Okay, so the four of wands for what am I harvesting now? Four of wands, completion and celebration. You've done it. The four of wands is a card of completion. Your labors have been steady and strong, and the harvest will be plentiful. In other words, it's time to party. There might be an upcoming event to mark this occasion, a graduation, wedding, or celebration of some kind. So enjoy yourself and those you love. This is an exciting and prosperous time. Maybe I'm maybe I'm celebrating the six months of me just getting through the year and all the things that I've done up until this point. That's what I'm gonna take it as. Um, okay, what deserves more energy? The six of wands, victory, success, rising up. From the dark and entangled branches emerges a butterfly, new life taking flight. If you're not reveling in the joy of success already, you will be soon. The six of wands is a card of victory of rising up against the odds. The obstacles have been relentless, but now is not the time to look back upon them. The more pressing question is where will you go with your new set of wings? My god, that is so true.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

I mean, I have been going through a lot. I literally have just been going through so much. So that makes sense. And what am I ready to release before the next season? This is the um this is the seven of pentacles. Period of contemplation. Curious card, the seven of pentacles, and this is what's released. Okay. Curious card, the seven of the seven of pentacles shows a period of contemplation and uncertainty. You're looking back at all of your hard work and wondering, has it been a failure or a success? You can't seem to decide. Should you be reaping the more rewards by now? Maybe so. But the mind has control over perception. It's possible your rewards are waiting for you to recognize them. They're not always monetary. Yeah. I think releasing what I need to release from that is releasing my expectations of doing things in the sake of wanting money in return and not just doing things for the sake of like just doing them because I love the craft. So I think my podcast, my tarot, writing sketches, um, improv. I put out a little feeler that I want to um do a table read of my pilot that I wrote 10 years ago. So yeah, I think I just need to work on being more creative. And I really love this card reading. So I think this was a really good reading. I'm gonna take a picture of this after I get off here. Um, but yeah, thank you guys for hanging in with me. And I really just appreciate all of you, and I'm so grateful for you guys, and um just the fact that you guys have been so lovely and understanding with everything that I've been going through. So um, yeah, I just want to say thank you and my lovely catchphrase. I don't know when I'll see you, but I'll see you when I see you. Bye guys. Thank you so much again for listening to another episode of 15 years in LA. I'm your host, Sam Adler. We are now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and BuzzPro. If you could please like, share, rate, and review the pod, that would be amazing. We're also on Instagram, 15 the number dot years dot in dot la dot pod. If you're liking what you're listening to and would like to be a guest, email us at 15 years inla pod at gmail.com. I'm not sure when I'll see you guys, but I'll see you when I see you. Have a great day. Bye.