Burnout, Starting Over, and Learning to Trust Yourself Again

What happens when the life you built… stops feeling like your own?

In this episode, I sit down with Shayne Corriea, who spent over a decade building a successful financial advisory business—only to reach a breaking point where her health, energy, and sense of self were completely depleted.

What followed wasn’t a simple pivot. It involved burnout, a full identity reset, and the difficult decision to walk away from something that was “working,” but no longer aligned.

We talk about what it actually means to “do the work” (not the buzzword version), how unresolved patterns shape our decisions, and why so many women ignore the signs of burnout until they’re forced to stop.

This conversation also explores mindfulness, meditation, and sound healing as tools for managing stress and rewiring old patterns—and what it looks like to rebuild self-trust when you’re no longer sure what comes next.

You’ll Learn

 ⭐ The real signs of burnout—and what happens when you ignore them
 ⭐ What it takes to walk away from a successful career
 ⭐ What “doing the work” actually looks like in practice
 ⭐ How mindfulness and meditation support nervous system regulation
 ⭐ Why self-trust breaks down—and how to rebuild it
 ⭐ Letting go of external validation and redefining success
 ⭐ How to navigate identity shifts and major life transitions

Key Insights

Burnout Doesn’t Happen Overnight
It builds slowly—until your body or life forces you to pay attention.

Success Doesn’t Always Equal Alignment
You can build something impressive and still feel disconnected from it.

Self-Trust Is Built (and Rebuilt)
Especially after major transitions, learning to trust yourself again is a process.

Doing the Work Means Going Back
Patterns often start earlier than we think—and require real reflection to shift.

Slowing Down Is a Skill
For many women, it’s not natural—it’s something that has to be practiced.

Timestamps

 [00:00:00] – Recording in person and how this conversation started
 [00:02:00] – Building a business and sensing something was off
 [00:05:30] – Burnout, health challenges, and the breaking point
 [00:08:30] – The fear of walking away from something successful
 [00:11:00] – What “doing the work” actually means
 [00:14:30] – Patterns, past experiences, and self-reflection
 [00:17:00] – Rediscovering identity and joy
 [00:20:00] – Meditation, sound healing, and stress
 [00:24:00] – The science behind nervous system regulation
 [00:27:00] – Why slowing down feels so difficult
 [00:30:00] – People-pleasing and external validation
 [00:33:30] – Loss, rebuilding, and perspective shifts
 [00:36:00] – Practicing mindfulness in everyday life
 [00:40:00] – Rebuilding self-trust
 [00:43:00] – Community, storytelling, and connection
 [00:46:00] – Redefining success
 [00:49:00] – Legacy and breaking generational patterns

Resources and Links

Connect with Shayne

Find out more about her work at Mindful Abundance Strategies

Find host Kristin Belden on LinkedIn or at BeldenStrategies.com

Sign up for Kristin’s newsletter Big Deal Energy: BeldenStrategies.com/newsletter

If this conversation resonated, share it with someone who might need it—and consider leaving a review. It helps more women find these conversations.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hi all, welcome back to kind of a big deal. I'm your host, Kristen Belden, and I've got a great conversation for you today. This one is about what happens when your life looks successful but doesn't feel right. Shane Correa spent over a decade building her business, only to realize that she didn't want the life that came with it. What followed wasn't a clean pivot. It involved burnout, health challenges, and a moment where she had to decide, keep pushing through or do something different. We talk about what it actually means to quote unquote do the work, why so many women ignore the signs until they can't anymore, and what it takes to trust yourself enough to walk away from something that from the outside looks like it's working. And on the other side of it, what it looks like to rebuild a life that actually feels like your own. Shane is an incredible woman, and I can't wait for you to hear from her, so let's dive in. Hi everybody, welcome back to kind of a big deal. I'm Kristen, as you know, and this is my friend.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Hello, I'm Shane.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

And we are, this is the first time I'm doing this, and I'm so excited. Shane doing this live. Doing this live. Okay. Yes. Doing this, not live, but like in person. Yes. Typically, I'm interviewing across a screen. So to be here with you in a space is exciting and fun for me. So if this goes terribly wrong, it's all okay. It's all an experiment. We gotta shoot our shots, right? And see how it goes. Shane very lovingly and kindly uh actually was the one to suggest this because she uses this beautiful space. And she'll tell you more about why and how she uses the space. But I'm so excited to be here. I'm excited too. This is fun. We're gonna have some fun. We are gonna have some fun. We've already been having a lot of fun. Too much fun. We were like, this is productivity. Um, I was introduced to Shane through a mutual friend Tamiko, who I've interviewed on the show. And it's like my very favorite kind of connection lately when it is another amazing woman introducing me to another amazing woman. Because you automatically know that you're gonna connect in some way. But when Shane and I first chatted, it was just so apparent how authentically she lives, how much care she takes in her work. But she's also hilarious and so much fun. Goofy, goofy is what she's trying to say. Goofy. Yes, same. So this is probably another reason why we're kindred spirits. Um, but she can also go deep, like can also drop into conversation and talk about the hard stuff and the real stuff. Which for me is just it means I could talk to you forever. So thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

Well, thank you, and thanks to Miko.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Yes, shout out to Miko. I'm so used to having all my notes that aren't seen, but now you all will see that I have all my notes here. I think where I want to start, Shane, is you recently went through your own kind of big evolution after selling a very successful company and reaching a point where you realized that was no longer the life you wanted to have. It was no longer what you wanted to be holding. And maybe let's start in that season of that change. And how did you know it was time to make a change?

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Well, I think for years I had that intuitive ting that that ping. Um something was off. That something was off, but I was all in. So what do you do? Like when you put everything in to a company, you can't just cut bait and run.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

Because how long had you had the company before like before you decided to release it?

SPEAKER_01 3:49

Um, it was 10 and a half years. Yeah, that's a long time to build something. 10 and a half years. Yeah. So I started when I was 39.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

And I started thinking of my son. I have uh an older son who's a financial advisor, very successful, he's 30. And at the time he was in college. And so my mind, as we do, as mothers, we think of our children. Right. And so my mind was thinking this business is gonna be the legacy for my son. He'll take over, yada yada. Yeah, as he grew up, he didn't want to take over, right? He wanted to go out on his own. So those 10 years, while I was just staying in it, it really was mostly for him and survival. Yeah, yeah. Uh, so yeah, and then those pings kept coming up. Sort of they got a little louder and louder. Yeah, they got well, to be completely honest, I ran myself ragged. Yeah, my health took a toll in the finance world, not everybody's experience, but it's a fraternity.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

And if you're not a young buck wanting to be in this fraternity, um, that was pretty cutthroat, yeah, it it was it was brutal.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

So it took a toll. Did you so had you, I'm imagining you were in that world before you decided to launch your own business then?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Um, so literally started in the role, learned, took all my licenses, and then just started the business. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:29

Okay. So you were out of the gate with your own out the out of the gate. It was the added pressure of building in real time and trying to like mold yourself. Oh, yeah. It was like knocking on everybody's door. Can you talk to me? Yeah, yeah. How so without, and you don't have to give all of the details it. So um it's interesting to me. I went my very first interview was with my friend Glenda, and she's kind of created something called the Power Pause because it's all around. She had a very similar, like Wait, is there a book? Not yet, but there should be.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

There's a book, there is a book, literally called the PowerPouse. I just saw it. Oh book in um in El Dorado Hills. There's a little alchemy bookstore. Yeah. And it's called the Power Pause. Okay, well, she's gonna have to think of a different title then.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Tell her. Teller. Yeah. But a very similar experience in that she had built her whole life around this career and was traveling, you know, five days out of the week and had such a health scare. She was out of commission for seven weeks. And she's like, I really wish it wouldn't have taken the universe like knocking me over the head with such force for me to get it. Yeah. And you and I were talking about this before we started recording. Like, what is it as women that we need to do to cultivate some of this so that we don't have to get knocked over the head or run into the brick wall? All the experiences that we've all had, we're not allowed to be like women, we don't need to do this.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Yes. I warn my friends, I warn my clients, you either take the pause now, yeah, or you will have to.

SPEAKER_02 6:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

So make the decision for yourself, or like me, I had to. Yeah. There was no, and as women, as mothers, I'm a single mother. So going to these conferences or going to my CE classes, or you know, working. My little, my daughter, who was four or five at the time, she was sitting in these rooms of a hundred different financial advisors on her iPad as I was, you know, trying to build and get my name out there and network about she was being tagged along everywhere. Right. Right. It just, it's not sustainable. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

So financial advisory was your main kind of bread and butter. And even when you had a moment where it was clear that you had to pause, I don't want to assume anything. So stop me if this doesn't feel like the right direction. But I can imagine there might be still some challenge in like outwardly, it feels like you've built this successful life, right? Yeah. I'm sure externally people were like, wow, you've done it all. Like you've built the family, you've got the thing, you're, you know, doing it all. Was it difficult for you then to even in the moment of recognizing there needed to be a change to say, I'm ready to leave that?

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Oh, yeah. Yeah. I I mean, I was sick to my stomach for months, yeah, knowing the inevitable was I was going to sell off the investment parts, you know, pieces of the business. Um, I knew hard line, I did not want to do it anymore. Yeah. But to give that up, knowing I sacrificed so much health, a beautiful home. You know, when we first started, sold the home, used the equity to kind of so all these sacrifices, it was a hard pill to swallow. Yeah. But getting my health back, going through my healing journey, finding out what my purpose was. Oh, like, there's there's no way I would go back. Yes. Yes. Even though it's still scary.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

Yes, I know. I literally wrote that down, never going back. Never going back. I was like, never going back. That is such a powerful and because I feel similarly, which is it kind of feels like once you've gotten a peek behind the curtain and you can see like what a racket a lot of it is then, you're like, I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to do that. Like if we're still working hard, and we talked a lot about this too, which is what is the kind of tension between productivity and running and moving, and also knowing that you need the tools to be able to slow down and take a breath and take a beat. It's a different kind of I think level of hustle is the wrong word. But I think to know that there is a way to bring those practices into your world while still building, while still being ambitious. This woman is very ambitious. She's been doing a lot of incredible things. It's not like she's hanging out with you.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

But it's a matter of believing in yourself. Yeah. Even though you succeed or you, you know, you come out of the struggle, you get through all these hurdles in business. Yeah. Um I think a lot of women struggle with believing truly in themselves enough to walk away from something, from something that feels secure, pays your bills, and allows you to go on vacation, blah, blah, blah. To like, oh, where's the revenue? Where's the revenue coming from?

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Um you don't know me. What are you talking about? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

And so I actually found through my healing journey that I do now believe in myself. Yeah. That somehow I'm gonna make it work.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Somehow, some way. And I got that grit and that perseverance from both my fathers, my father and my stepfather. They made it happen, and I think I inherited that.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

How beautiful. And what a lovely I say, my dad is a very never give up. Like keep going and keep showing up. There's a quote that's like, keep showing up and life will reward you. And I believe that in so many ways. It doesn't mean it's not gonna be hard or we're not gonna have challenges, but there is something to show for it. So, Shane, as she was moving out of the company that she did own into what she's doing now, six months sabbatical. Is that what you took?

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Oh, well, it started three months. Okay. Yes. Went to six, then ended up almost a year.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Okay. I don't think I ever knew that part. Okay. So but talk about this because I think this is the evolution, right? And of course it continues after we're always evolving, but it kind of feels like there's a marker in the sand at some point for people where it's like this is when things really started to change for me. And you engaged in all kinds of incredible, I don't want to say experiments for yourself, but you started engaging with things that maybe you hadn't.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Well, you know what? Here's the thing. I asked for help. We don't ask for help. Right. We we want to tackle it all on our own. Yeah, we want to solve the problems we don't want to share with others, even our girlfriends, like, oh, something's a little wrong. Something's wrong. Um, so that was the first step was asking for help and letting people know vulnerably that while you saw the smile, you saw the awards, you saw all this pomp, right? Like I was dying inside. I was struggling really hard inside. So I asked for help and I decided to take the sabbatical for three months. And so I had a team, that three months, three days a week, it was therapy, spiritual healing, and a life coach. And it was doing some brutal, brutal internal work.

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Yes, yeah. That stuff, um the willingness to go there, I think, is not actually everyone's truth, right? Right? A lot of times we can hit these hard moments and just keep trying to power through or just like get the next thing. Or do you know there was something in you that was like, no, you need to start? Like, what was the thing?

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Oh, you're gonna make me cry. Didn't know I was gonna share. Um and we don't have to, if there's anything you know, sorry, please don't. Well, I you know me, I am a huge proponent of people hearing your voice, and that helps other people. Yeah, storytelling is huge. Um I hit a really dark moment health-wise, um through some family issues, losing my mom, having some struggles with my oldest son, um, where I wasn't sure I wanted to go forward. I didn't know how to go forward in my life. So that was kind of like I got scared. Yeah. I got really scared because again, I have my daughter at home. Right. And I was forced, the universe was forcing me to make a decision. Yes, like dire lift.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Wow. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

And and that's where I was at.

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Wow. Yeah. That's I mean, to think about what it takes to walk through that.

SPEAKER_01 14:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

And to sit here now, I mean, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

What a transformation. And it's not to say that you're there's not still struggles or and to then ask yourself the hard questions amidst going through these intense feelings and thoughts, I can imagine that that took you to places that maybe you hadn't expected. It was so scary. Yeah. It was so scary. Do you feel like as you started working with people and asking these questions? I feel like sometimes I say we asked, I talk about this a lot, like asking yourself the hard questions. And maybe that requires a little bit of explanation because maybe we all have a different version of that.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Because I used to hear people go, oh, do the work. Yeah. And I used to go, can I curse on this show? I'd be like, what the fuck is the work? What are you talking about? I work all the time. What are you talking? So I thought that was woo-woo. Yes. I didn't understand what they were talking about. Totally. They'd be like, Oh, you can live an extraordinary life, do the work. And I'm like, what is that? Yeah, what is asking her questions?

SPEAKER_00 15:27

What is it?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Yes, keep the lights on. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:33

The sabbatical. I've also heard people saying, Oh, I took a sabbatical. And I'm like, oh, they must have a rich partner or husband or whatever. Like, what is that? Um, you would be surprised. I I'm no longer surprised at what women can do.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

But at the time, I was saying you would be surprised at what you can do if you burn the boat and just fall in. Yeah. So asking those inner questions was doing the inner work. It was talking to my childhood self, saying, What are the traumas that you haven't faced? Yeah. And I had to go all the way back to childhood. Everything I was going through started somewhere. It was, yeah, it was rooted childhood, then adolescence, then as a young adult, making some serious mistakes as a young mother. And I had to go back and learn to forgive myself for those things that happened. Oof.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

That is so hard.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

That was, I was crying all the time. I'm like, why am I crying more now? Like I suppose we're feeling better, but that's probably. But then something changes. Yes, like a catharsis. And you go, oh, this is what you mean healing. This is what you mean.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Um yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Was there anything, if you're willing to share, um, that maybe surprised you throughout that time? Like something that you uncovered about yourself that you were like, oh, I I ask this. Sometimes I ask questions because of my own experience. Like I remembered certain things about myself that I had completely good things too, right? Like not just the the hard stuff. Yeah, but oh, I forgot I liked X, Y, and Z or this thing feeds me. And I had totally put it way over on the side for so long I forgot about it. Yeah. I'm curious if there was anything like that.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Well, I had a lot of there was a lot of abuse and and stuff happening in my childhood. And then I had my son at 20. So I never got to know who Shane was. Yes, right. I I didn't, yeah. I didn't get to go live in my 20s and 30s and kind of like do the thing. No. So there were tons of things that I found. Um one of them was piano. I went back, okay, guys. I went back, signed up for piano classes. I was literally with this silly drawstring backpack with these like six, seven, eight-year-olds sitting in class waiting for my piano teacher. Oh, that's so cute. I love it. Such a funny picture. But it was finding that childlike wonder and curiosity again. Like, what what do I who is Shane? What does she want to do? I started my sabbatical when I was 50. So I never asked those questions. Like, what do I enjoy? And that's when like the floodgates opened. And yeah, it's it's been an amazing ride ever since. And you're still doing piano? So because of the new business venture, I had to put it down for a minute. Put that down for a minute. Um, but yeah, there's so like I'm writing a book right now. I'm there's so many things that yeah, I never I never would have allowed myself to do before.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

I think you just hit it. The allow ourselves is, you know, it's the belief in ourselves and it's the allowing ourselves. I hear this word a lot. I hadn't allowed myself, or what is it, what is it going to look like if I allow? I think there's like a fear of if I allow myself this, does that mean I'm letting everything go that has occurred to me? Like it doesn't have to be that you're throwing the entire baby out with bathwater. Sometimes, right, there are pieces that still resonate or you can hold on to that feed you going forward. But a lot of times there are things that it's like in order to bring back this thing that fulfills me, I'm gonna have to let something go. Yeah. And it can feel hard. Yeah, right. You want like we we are humans of safety and security. So even letting go of something that doesn't serve us anymore can feel scary.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

Yeah, yeah. And I wholeheartedly believe closing the door opens so many more. Yeah, right. It's so scary. It is it is so scary, but once you do it, you're like, oh, what was I scared about? I know, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

It's like you just gotta get in a couple of those shots, I think, to feel it. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

So what are you focused on now? Tell us about the incredible work that you do and how you work with women.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

So I launched in January of this year Mindful Abundance Strategies.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

We can show, hold on. It's really beautiful, actually. I don't know if we can see it. Maybe, maybe not. I'll have to put it in at the end, but this is her beautiful brochure.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Yeah. So funny story. So I'm in the sabbatical, I'm going through the healing process, and I've always done meditation. I've been a really good meditator for the last 15 plus years. Started out only being able to meditate for like one or three minutes, but I really honed the practice during my sabbatical. So I took meditation and I introduced sound healing to it.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Had you experienced sound healing before that? Never. So, what was the door opening to that?

SPEAKER_01 20:58

My spiritual advisor introduced me to sound healing. Okay. I was blown away. By the way, it made me feel. So I was like, okay, but hold on. So prior to the sound healing, I was with my doctor, and she was like, hey, we're gonna have to put you on medication for blood pressure, cholesterol, you're pre-diabetic, you need to lose weight, your kidneys are failing. Like I was sick. Yes. And I was like, okay, before I take all those meds, hold on, let me just see if I can get rid of the stress. Yeah, stress is the killer. So meditation practice, I was adamant. Every day I meditated. Then I was introduced sound healing. Okay, so I go through the three months, first months of sabbatical, and on the fourth month, I go back to my doctor and I had to redo my labs. And she was like, it was it was the fourth month. Okay. Four months. I go back to my doctor. She runs the tests. My AC levels dropped. Whoa. No longer needed blood pressure medication. My cholesterol dropped. My kidneys were fine. All of it. Science, people. And she asked me, What are you doing? And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, well, what did you take? Did you she thought I went somewhere and took some. That's when I was like, hold on, this isn't just feel good. Yes. And then I dove into learning. Okay, give me the science behind sound healing and meditation, stress, our neural pathways, all of it. Then I got geeked out because that's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:46

And that's when I went and got my certifications. That is so incredible.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yeah. So we were talking earlier about how so much of our past challenges or traumas live at the theta.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

So our long-term memories, our habits are in our theta state. This is our brain. And how does sound healing help kind of like get into that space?

SPEAKER_01 23:10

So sound bowls are at 432 Hertz. And at that frequency, in meditation or as you're in a sound bath, you're bringing your brain wave down to the theta state.

SPEAKER_02 23:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

So when you're there and in meditation, maybe they're guiding you to release limiting beliefs. For me, what I do with clients is I have them journal, give them specific prompts to think about while they're in the sound healing. That's how you rewire your brain. You're teaching your brain and creating new neuropathways. So now you have new habits. You're affirming these. Obviously, it relaxes you because you want to get to that theta state. But in theta, if your brain is receptive to all those new information, new habits, affirmating beliefs, all and so when you do that over time, you are creating those new neuropathways that are healthy. Um I think it's helpful for folks.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

Like I'm woo-woo, very woo-woo. My dear friends will tell you, like, I I want to believe, right? Some folks you were sharing even for yourself, like you needed to understand. I needed I needed the science. This is not, it is and woo, we gotta think of a different way.

SPEAKER_01 24:47

I love woo-woo. I when somebody is like, oh, is this woo-woo? I'm like, hell yeah, it is. Like, I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

I think because to your point, some folks, right? If you haven't been introduced to some of this, it can feel yeah, almost um, what's the word I'm looking for? Like embarrassing. Not does this make sense? Like I don't like what I don't want to go like. This feels oh my god, or silly.

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Like it can feel like ridiculous. Uh that's I don't have time to sit there for an hour and meditate or do this or that. Like that's just yeah. So what's some of the like And let me tell you my friends and close friends and family members won't come. Really? And I watch my friends running themselves ragged like I was.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

Yes. Yeah, they're just yeah, not there, not there yet.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Not there yet. They slowly but surely, but some of them are like, nope, it's not for me. And I'm like, well, it's not even tried it yet. A religion, it's just it's just giving yourself, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

Has that been tricky for you at all in this kind of like new shaping of your identity and the way you're received, you know, by folks that you care about? Is there anything for you that's been hard about that? Like as you kind of as you take this new form essentially in the world, right? Like you've been doing this work in some ways, even before this, like as you're working with the clients and whatnot, but it looks like a very different looks different, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Um, so the trick is that I no longer care. Yeah. So in my old business, it was how is everyone perceiving me? Right. What do they think of me? Right. Do they think I'm a good, you know, business person? Do I was so worried about all of that? Yes. Now I don't give two F's. I love woo-woo. I love life. I'm I'm doing it for me. This is the first time in 50 years that I'm doing something for me. Yes. And I'm not really bothered by whether or not somebody comes because the right people will come. Yes. The right clients will come, and you're right. I'm not just sound, healing, and being woo-woo, which I could do that all day. Right. Like I would love to, but I am incorporating aspects of my finance life and some of those clients. It's the money mindset, it's the habits. Yes, I am bringing that in. Um, but I don't care. I just like I never thought I would say that.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

I know, same. Like, what is that? Do you think? I was very, I am a um people pleaser by nature. Yes. And and some of that is not always bad, right? Like I actually have to reframe some of this for myself because for so long I think it's like people pleasing equals bad. I think many times it's you want people to feel seen, you want people to feel hurt, right? So, like that's some of the people pleasing is making sure folks feel good and you give them that space for and all of that. The dark side of that is when you're putting your own needs and desires and wants in back of everybody else's needs and wants it, right? In order to make sure that they feel what they need to feel. And so I think so much of my caring about what I was doing was part of part of it was that. Yeah, part of it was, you know, um feeling like my it's so weird because no one, I think no one would ever tell you this about me during that stage of my life, that like I gave a shit about my title or any of the things, but it still gave me some sense of self-respect, I think, too, like my identity, not just externally, but like, oh, I'm this thing. Yeah, and like I have X salary and I'm doing the da-da-da-da. And I'm like really doing it. Yeah. And then when that got stripped away so so dramatically, and I was left with the detritus of like, what am I? And what is this? And I now have this beautiful, and I'm wondering if this I'm I'm kind of going on a tangent here, but I promise I'm getting back to a point, which is I now have this beautiful benefit of having seen what it looks like to have like not a whole lot to then like having a whole lot. Title, money, all the things, to then not having a lot again. Yeah, and I there's no change in my foundational contentment or like joy. I was still that same person throughout those stages, yeah. But I think I thought I would feel when I was over here at the quote unquote top of the mountain, like I had like made it or something. Yeah. And I never felt like that. Like I felt like there's still something maybe missing. But I think what I'm trying to get at is even though your journey is different, we've still seen enough, we've felt enough, we've experienced some heavy, heavy darkness and some real lows. And I do think once you've had to crawl out of that a couple times, yeah, then you're like, I don't give a shit. Because I'm gonna call out of here, yeah, and I'm gonna do this for myself finally. Or if I'm gonna climb the mountain again, it better be for something good, or it better be for something that feels aligned, right?

SPEAKER_01 30:08

I think I have more joy now having less. Yes. And if you I would put money on, if you would talk to everyone that's made it, yeah, whatever that is, whatever that means, whatever that means for you. I've made it, I would probably tell you that they're less happy. So when folks saw me, you know, I was I had something to prove. Again, I had these traumas, these things that I needed to deal with, yeah, that I never did. So I lived a life of I have to prove to all these guys that I could do this. Yeah, I'm meant to be in these rooms, these spaces. So I'm gonna go harder. Yeah, I'm gonna get all the awards, I'm gonna get the accolades, I'm gonna, but it was never ending. Yes. So the joy was fleeting. I don't even remember some of the events or some of I I have no recollection now, stepping away, I have so much more joy. And that business afforded me to, yeah, we did a lot, right? We did travel, we did, but I have more joy now, literally walking to the park. Yeah, I wouldn't exchange that. I never realized that you could have that back then. So of course I didn't make any changes, right? Right. Knowing that now, and that's what I want to give to other women. You and you can have more because if we do fill our cup first, if we do fill ourselves up internally, you will have more abundance. Right. And that abundance could be joy, could be happiness, could be money, blah, blah, blah. Because you feel good. Yeah. So you're you're doing better by your family, you're doing better by your clients, you're doing better. I didn't believe in that at the time. I thought, no, no, no, no. I'm gonna give more time. I'm gonna be this people, I'm gonna give more, more, more, more. And let me tell you, people will take it as well.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

Oh, absolutely. You train people exactly how they're meant to be.

SPEAKER_01 32:20

And then you go through the sabbatical, which I shared with people. I've shared on Instagram and Facebook kind of like what my journey was. And I took off social media and then came back on and said, Here's what you would be surprised at where where is everybody? Where are all those people that you gave where are they now? Where are they now? I see that do they call and say, Hey, are you okay? Wow. Oh my gosh. So you have to find so for me, I realized and found that I was my own miracle, I was my own savior. Yes, nobody else was gonna show up. No one's calling, no one's knocking on the door. They're busy with their own lives too, right? But you also have to realize you give so much people pleasing, please yourself first because those people might be gone. They won't show up.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

I think that's so true, you know, not just for folks who are on their own entrepreneurial journey, but even if you're in a full-time role and even if you love it, even if you work for a great company, I was listening to Trent Shelton. Have you ever heard his podcast? He's great. He was like a former NFL player, went through deep, deep darkness because he then got sidelined, you know, got hurt, whatever, and had to pull himself out. Now has a beautiful podcast that talks a lot about all of these things. And he was saying how you are you will be replaced. No matter what, I don't care how amazing you are, yeah, you're replaceable. And so even if you've found yourself in a great company with a great role, it's still important to do the work because you know we never know, right? Life gets disrupted, things are changing very fast, right? And we don't know where we're headed right now as a world. And so it's like to do the work, I think do the work. We're doing the work. Oh my god. That's how obnoxious do we have.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

It is so obnoxious. You guys are hating you. But no, you have to be content with yourself. Yes, no matter what.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

What are the questions that we can be asking ourselves? Because I think it's also not just this isn't like a one and done, like, oh, you go through this evolution, and now I'm like secured. It's like a constant practice. And we were talking earlier about how three years now, post the implosion of the company I was working at, the first year, you know, the first six months are just dramatic and awful. And then you start to come out of it. And if you're kind of in this evolution, you start to become so present and so aware and so conscious of all of these things. But then a couple years later, you start to like maybe fall back into some bad habits and my consciousness or my need to feel like I'm doing something, or especially if you're building a business, it's like I could be doing something every hour of the day. Right. If I didn't, if I wasn't careful about it. Right. Right. What are some practices that you have for yourself that it's like you know that you have containers that you've built in, that it's like if you start to kind of go back?

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Um so remind me to tell you the quote that that that I have framed. But during my journey, this first initial year, I found Buddhism. Okay. And I followed the teachings of Tiknat Han. Okay. He was a Buddhist monk, very famous. Was okay. His practice of mindfulness. And this is okay. So here's the woo-woo. This is gonna sound funny.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Um we're just gonna title this episode a woo.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Yes. Um being present in the now. Our life and time is only right now. Yeah, time isn't in the future, right? There's no such thing. The time is now, and you can't go into the past. So if we want to look to the past and all these what is, what didn't I do wrong? What blah, blah, blah, that's the internal suffering that we're inflicting on ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 36:22

Right.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

If we look to the future, that's that anxiety, that worry.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:26

Oh, what if this doesn't happen? What if I run out of money? Right. What if I blah, blah, blah? So we're causing it to ourselves. So the practice of mindfulness is like staying in this moment. So it might, this might sound weird, but like just sitting here looking at your beautiful blue eyes, like like being in the moment, watching your smile, listening to the like literally staying in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

So if I'm washing the dishes, the water's touching my hand, I'm watching the water. This sounds, you know, watching the water.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

I'm here for all of it.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

I'm soaping my hands, I'm blah, blah. Practicing that throughout the day, yeah, when you get sidetracked, oh my God, like the peace just comes because we can go back and to the bad habits. So I've been practicing mindfulness, chanting, kind of just staying in the present moment. And it has given me so much more um joy and gratitude with my daughter, who I have a year with before she goes off to college. So sitting and actually like put the freaking phone down. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

I know.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

And when you do that, you're like, oh my God, look at that amazing moment. Yeah. But you'll miss it if you're over here.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Yep. So the framed quote is when you go back to bad habits, you betray yourself and erode your self-trust.

SPEAKER_00 38:00

Oh, oh, it hurts and our conversation goes.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

I gotta get sense. I have it framed in my because I'm like, oh wait, I'm doing it to myself. Nobody else cares about the bad habits. Right, right. Yes, exactly. It's you're eroding your self-trust. You're betraying when I read that the first time, and gosh, I wish I remember where I read that. And maybe I tweaked it a little bit. Sure. Okay. But but it speaks to you. That's what Oh my gosh. Yeah. I was like, oh no, I'm not betraying myself. So I catch myself, especially in business, the new venture, right? Like, oh, I'm running. Oh, hold on. So the non-negotiable is that routine, creating that routine. And that's what I work with clients now is that routine.

SPEAKER_00 38:45

I feel like when you said gratitude, also that I I was that word was in my mind. Yeah. Then you said it. And I think when you're in these practices, you do look at your day differently. So the way you you the way you receive what's happening during the day, or like I I live in a great neighborhood in Sacramento that I adore. And I dropped the kids off at school, at this school that we adore, and this community that we love. And I went by, I go to this gym where it's like part of this community, and then it's a coffee shop right there, and it's like, and then there's a little market where you can go get your thing of milk. And I like was just like, like I'm like, oh my god, I would miss this. Yeah. Five years ago, me was not even like, yeah, it was like, oh, like something felt hard or something. And it's not to say this is not some toxic positivity bullshit. I think it's like it helps equip you for when things are hard. When things are hard, yeah. Because you have a different set of tools. And if you have gratitude, then things just feel different. And it's not like a gratitude journal, all that. I think there's different practices for everyone. But for me, what really works is just looking at my day with that lens of whoa, yeah, what kind of cool thing is going to happen.

SPEAKER_01 40:05

How great did that happen? And I almost feel like now I feel like I owe it to every person that's struggling, that doesn't get to have a great neighborhood. Yes, a great coffee shop, a great this. Yes. I feel like I owe it to my ancestors who struggled, who were farm workers to go back, you know what I mean, and speak to them and say, oh my God, I'm so grateful that you didn't give up and gave me the opportunity. Like, I feel like we owe that. We owe that gratitude and that, I don't know, joy of life because they struggled.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

That's such an important point because I think it's easy for me to sit here in this moment and say these things because I happen to be in a season of life where things are okay. Yeah. Things can still feel hard, right? And there's anxiety different things. But generally speaking, my needs are taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 40:59

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Not everybody that's the reality for there's communities that are under-resourced and folks that are living in pain. So how like that's a different conversation. It's not just like, go feel grateful. So, like, how do we work?

SPEAKER_01 41:17

Right, is there I think I would want somebody to slap me if I was like, just be grateful of me. Exactly. Like, that's some bullshit.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Like, yes, like some of me over here is struggling.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

I think that's the power of our voices and storytelling. Yeah. I think for me, I know that in my journey, there were women that went through similar things.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

And the only way I knew about that so that I can learn about it was just by talking about it. Right.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

There's a woman, there's an actress, Jennifer Esposito.

SPEAKER_00 41:53

Yes, I remember you telling me about it.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

She was in blue blood, she's a director, she's been in thousands of books, and I was early stages of sabbatical. Go to Barnes and Noble. I bought a woo-woo magazine called, like, I don't know, Mindfulness or something, right? And she wrote an essay. And that essay, so here's the successful actress. She's beautiful, she's on red carpet, she's all of it. And so we look up, yeah, we have this perception. And in there, she talked about her struggles. She talked about not fitting in. She used words like I used to say that I remember my 50th birthday, I threw this big bash, everything that I wanted. I had all these beautiful people that loved me and showed up, and I felt the loneliest I've ever felt. Wow. And I read that in her article, and she said things like, Hey, no one's showing up. I knew I needed to get up, get out of this funk. Hearing her words was like, Oh, yeah, there are people that are thinking and feeling the same way I was because I thought something was wrong with me. Totally. That's what we say. Oh, something's wrong with us. Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Why can't we just be grateful? Suck it up. Yes. Our parents did it.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

And it was reading so stories, hearing other women. Then all of a sudden it opened my eyes to like, and I've always been doing storytelling events with swag and stuff a long time ago, but it never really clicked as much as it is clicking now. Interesting. Reading somebody's words and going, Oh my God, did you write this for me? There's another woman, Karen Waldron.

SPEAKER_00 43:42

I feel like you talked about her a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Karen Waldron wrote a book, I think at maybe age 51. That's amazing. Started changing her life. And it was like when I was reading her book, she was saying my words. And I was like, wait, how are you? How do you know what's Going on in my head. So I feel that's that's how we help.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

I think so. Two things, and actually three. One, beautiful that you're paying it forward by being so open and vulnerable with your own story. Because I think someone will hear this and the same thing open for them. Yeah. Two is I think sometimes we can know that there are people already having these conversations or like having the books. So it's like, well, why does my voice matter if there's already someone who's said it before? Yeah. And I hear that a lot from people. Yeah. And I have to battle that myself, frankly, sometimes. Yeah. It's like, well, you know, someone else is doing X, Y, and Z. And it's so similar. It's like, okay, but of the millions of people in the world, do you really think that that one book reached every single-I've never even heard of this author before? So there is still room, and it's always going to be unique to your own personal experience and the way you say it. There's so much room.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

For 50 years, I didn't hear any of it. Right. And I was hosting storytelling events. It came into your life at the right time. Jennifer came in at the right time. Karen, I mean, the universe was putting these people, amazing people, in my path because I needed to learn. Right. I wasn't alone.

SPEAKER_00 45:07

Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 45:08

That there are other people. And reach out. We get caught up in like, oh my gosh, this actress. Well, wow, you know, we let's put them on a pedestal. Right. Guys, I messaged her on Instagram. She wrote me back. And then I joined a writing class. So I'm writing a book and it was her. It was her class. And so I'm there with other actresses. So cool. And there's, I'm like, wait, what? So lesson for me, stop putting people on pedestals. Everyone's human. Nobody knows your story, my story. You know what I mean? And it's so hard to do that though.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

Like it can feel so abstract.

SPEAKER_01 45:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:51

And it can feel like it's a bit over here. But as soon as you start to feel better, it's like everybody is just trying to like survive, live a life, and you know, whatever. Um, so that was gonna be my third thing was actually please share a little bit about your storytelling workshops and the work you do because it's so incredible and it sounds so transformational.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

Really quick, something that came to my mind though, that while you were saying that is Barack Obama said that he didn't realize how stupid people were at the highest level until we got there. And so they're like, I'm sitting around, but we put these people because of titles, exactly, or what have you, or what positions they have. Don't put me on a pedestal, reach out, I'll call you back. Um, and so the storytelling events. So we just had one last weekend. Yes, I found it amazing. We start out with journaling, attention setting, sound healing, meditation, and we guide women through a workshop on how to just take one story, whatever it is, your 50th birthday, and write an impactful story within three and four minutes that could help another person that could either impact another woman or lead them to make a change. So we had women share different walks of life, different age groups, and it's so powerful. Especially, I mean, the courage that these women have to be able to stand up and voice their stories, and even the people that didn't and just sat and supported and asked questions. I mean, it's transformative. So these women were like, oh my God, how do we do this again? How do we do this more? We need to be sharing stories. You move people, you can change their life. You never know what your words will do. Yeah, because that happened to me. It saved me to hear other people. So yeah, we host the storytelling events. I'm hoping to have more. So if you're interested, yes, let me know so that we can schedule one. Another workshop that we are gonna have. It isn't storytelling, but it is helping women with their relationship with money. And we'll be having the money conversation with each other. Forget the shame, forget the embarrassment. Nobody cares that you don't have a hundred thousand in your savings account. Yeah. Just talk from like authentic self. And if you go back, now I'm okay, go going back woo-woo again. If you go back, don't think I'm just fixing my necklaces. Way back in time, they were holding these women's circles all the time. They stood in community, right? Right when one person was, you know, menstruating or going through like the whole whole village put it together, you know what I mean? And that's what I want to create. Yeah, that's the goal of the new venture is creating a gathering space where women feel like they're gonna hold each other up. You know, we say it, oh, I have my friends and I have a village. But there's a lot of us that may think we have that, yeah. But again, there's no one coming. And so we need to build that.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

Yes. One of my friends that I recently interviewed, she works, she's the director of education for the Roberts um, I'm gonna mess this up. Uh Roberts Family Founded, Robert said, Roberts Family Development Center. Thank you. RFC is my favorite. Thank you. She's their director of education. And she talked a lot about how working in community, it's who's your 3 a.m. phone call? Like, who is it? Right. And if you don't have it, we got to get that for you. Because if you don't have that, then survival is not gonna look the same. Yeah, and I immediately voice noted my 3 a.m. phone call. I love you.

SPEAKER_01 49:41

We call it the person. Who are you gonna call? They won't ask any questions at 3 a.m. And you say, get in the car, let's go. Come here now. Right? They're like, I'm sorry, don't ask any questions, just show up. That's right. That's that's the person. Big deal.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Yeah. Um, so the question I ask every woman towards the end of our time is it's so funny because some of the questions I typically ask you've already answered just by virtue of being and by sharing your story. So thank you for that. Um, you know, part of it is like, how has your idea of success evolved? And I think you've started to touch on that. But maybe articulate that a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01 50:21

I think success for me now is living, being able to live healthy. That's success. Being able to see my daughter off. You know, my son's married, he's established, he's established. Success now isn't, oh, how many more purses can I buy, or where I can. I've done all that. Yeah, success for me is like, oh, I know who I am now. I know what I enjoy, I love life. And I have to say, I didn't say that that long ago.

SPEAKER_02 50:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

Also, slowing down means more. I've learned that. Yeah, like slowing down and creating that abundance within, it then flows outwardly. Yeah things start coming to you that you're like, oh, wait, what? Yeah. So yeah, for me, that's success. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 51:18

Yeah. That leads me right into the last question, which is, and it's interesting because you touched on this earlier, also, when you were sharing that you had thought your legacy was going to be leaving this business to your son, right? Yeah. And then seeing this shift in real time for yourself and going, oh, yeah, that's not the legacy he wants. So re-identifying and re-kind of defining that for yourself, I like to ask everyone, what does it mean for you now? What does building a legacy mean to you? And I with the recognition that this can still change and evolve. Yeah. But for this moment, for the season that you find yourself in, what does building a legacy mean?

SPEAKER_01 51:57

I'm getting emotional again. Um knowing that it ends with me, the trauma, the abuse, and my daughter sees a woman not able to buy the Gucci purse, a woman that is following just her own dreams. That I get to be that for her. You know, that she gets to see like everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, and you can do whatever you want to do. So that's the legacy. I don't want to leave behind anything else, any money, any this and that. I just want her to know that she's more than enough. Yeah, she's worthy and she doesn't have to do all the things that I did to prove to anybody. And that, you know, life is just it's joyful. Yes, and it can be joyful. If I keep her from having to go through what I've gone through, that's it. Isn't that right? That's it. Um, because it's funny, like it started generations and generations. I took on so much of what my grandmother, my great grandmother, everybody went through. Now I do realize it's a gift, there are hardships, but I took all that on. And knowing now that my grandchildren at one point won't have that, that's like yes, hell yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:27

That's that's it. That's everything. Yeah. Woo! Yes, I'm I'm getting serial. Sorry. I mean, I feel it too, right? Like it is a I think about that. I have a daughter and a son, 10 and 7. And it always comes back to that thing too, which is like, how do I, how do not how not how do I, but you said it perfectly, like you are enough. Yeah, how is it built in them that they have their own foundational awareness of self that they can keep coming back to? And they don't need anybody to speak into that, right? Right, right. And like, what a gift to not have to go through 40 years.

SPEAKER_01 54:05

Yeah, yeah, right. And we're the mirror. Yeah, right? Yeah, um, yeah, because I repeated all the traumas that my mom and my grandmother and everybody else went through. Yeah. She won't have to do that. Totally.

SPEAKER_00 54:20

And that's just their own challenge for her. But let it not be that.

SPEAKER_01 54:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

Thank you so much. You're amazing.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Thank you to Miko for this incredible look. Yeah. Thank you, hug. Yes, yes, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 54:36

So much. This was amazing. Yes. We'll see you guys next time. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much for listening and spending some of your time with me here. I hope our conversation sparked some new ideas for you. If you enjoyed the episode, please make sure to hit subscribe so you don't miss what's next. And if you're ready for even more tools and stories, head on over to beldenstrategies.com slash newsletter. I share fresh insights, stories, and tools for women leaders every week. Until next time, keep building, keep evolving, and remember that you are kind of a big deal.